I say no.
No, you are definitely not, but I want to talk to you about marriage.
Who doesn’t like marriage talks, right? Some even like the other category of marriage talks - where things that shouldn’t be shared or spoke about with others than the couple themselves are the key ingredients of the recipe.
Yes, we can’t deny it. It is happening, and it is dangerous - Sadly, we even find this in Muslim homes. While this is the dark version, we all know the lighter version of this issue - where spouses are flaunting and showing off their love by posting photos of everything they do together or writing lovely notes to each other while the world is their audience.
Both are differently done but are resulting in same - problem in a marriage.
I’ve posted about the lighter version in my previous blog entry but this time let me talk about the darker version.
_____
How many of you have read Surah Al Mujadilah? It is famously known as the surah which has the name of Allah mentioned in every verse, but also it was because of an Ansari woman- who pleased or disputed her case regarding her marriage-.
Who was this woman, and how amazing it is that a revelation came to answer her plea? Subhan'Allah - shows you how each and everyone’s du'a or case is heard and responded to by Allah.
Her name is Khawla bint Tha'labah Radiyallahu Anha, a righteous woman who was married to ‘Aws Ibn Samit Radiyallahu Anhu but before I would narrate to you their story let me draw you back to an issue that would clearly make you understand their situation later on.
Dhihar or Zihar is a pre-Islamic custom of the Arabs. It is a practice where the husband utters words to his wife that results to divorce, and it is not just any kind of separation but a permanent - irrevocable one. It is where they say that their wives are haram for them as to how their mothers are haram for them.
It is important to note also that when this incident happened between Khawla and 'Aws, the clear ruling regarding divorce has not been revealed or specifically to this couple’s situation.
_____
(I have summarized and paraphrased the story below. Kindly check the reference footnote to view the detailed hadith/story.)
One day, 'Aws came home and wanted to be intimate with his wife, Khawla, where she refused and angered 'Aws. Hence, with the known temper of 'Aws he uttered Dhihar towards Khawla. Even though 'Aws had no intentions of divorcing Khawla but since he had uttered the dhihar - this has bothered Khawla so much.
The next day, 'Aws again wanted to be intimate with Khawla, but now Khawla refused thinking that they are not halal for each other anymore. So she went out and visited some of her female friends to borrow a garment she can wear as she was to go and meet the Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi Wassalaam).
When she met the Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi Wassalaam), she presented her case and argued with him. Arguing with the hope of being answered with a solution, Khawla disputed in vain.
A beautiful note here - Khawla was not complaining to the Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alaihi Wassalaam). She was presenting her case to him and was disputing that she may have a solution to her situation - as she didn’t know if they were still halal or if it was a divorce - who would take her when she got old and who will take care of her kids as well.
She kept doing this until a revelation came from Allah to answer her problem. Subhan'Allah, it was said that during this conversation - Aisha Radiyallahu Anha was at the next room but couldn’t even hear the talk and the way Khawla was disputing yet Allah who is Al Ala - The Most High, heard her.
That is why if you would notice the start of this surah, it mentions Allah as As Samee (The All Hearing) and Al Baseer (The All Seeing).
_____
My dear sister in Islam, are you like Khawla? You may have a glimpse of what kind of a woman she was from this brief excerpt of her life.
Ask yourself, are you willing to do your best to make things work for your marriage or will you instead be like those others who would talk it out with people? - such is the difference between a Muslimah - who understands well her rights and the importance of marriage not only for herself but her spouse as well as her family - and that of an ordinary woman.
So I ask you, are you just some ordinary woman? Remember my dear sister in Islam, Allah clothed you with Islam as your religion - learn and nourish it properly - start within yourself and your home.
Marital problems should be discussed privately between the involved individuals; the world doesn’t need to know because frankly speaking - the world doesn’t care. People may have all their different opinions but remember what matters the most is that you protect the gift blessed to you - never speak ill of your spouse nor reveal things that must be kept between the two of you.
If they ask about your marriage, answer with a beautiful dhikr - Alhamdulillah - sometimes that’s the only thing you will need to say.
May Allah make things easy for everyone who is facing difficulties in their marriages and bring about a beautiful change full of love, trust, peace, mercy, and blessings of Allah in their marriage.
• Sahih Ibn Majah and Ahmad
• Book of Tawhid, Al Bukhari
• Tanwîr al-Miqbâs min Tafsîr Ibn ‘Abbâs, Surat Al Mujadilah
