[catchymemes]

[jackmeister]

This is the funniest explanation for Boney M. anyone could ever have given, lmao.

[millennial-review-deactivated20]

[toofemmetofunction]

[riotmlllf]

[m00nlady]

i could really make use of a massage, an orgasm, hard apple cider & a check for $300,000

[taco-bell-rey]

[laduree-et-cigarettes]

Me @ myself in the restaurant mirror after 4 glasses of nice wine: Insane but beautiful, how does she do it

[spiroandthelacktones]

Brushes you with an egg white wash so you'll develop a nice glaze in the oven

[uncleshouty]

hey thanks

[superinframan]

[k8e-88]

Why would you leave that in the tags??

[pissvortex]

if you set a bowl of fresh berries in front of me i will start eating and will not stop. hundreds of millions of years of evolutionary instinct has already taken over my brain and the ghosts of 500 generations of my hunter-gatherer ancestors are all screaming and sobbing with joy at the sight

[everythingstarstuff]

[thebootydiaries]

you (has waffles for breakfast, goes to parties, been to ikea): do u listen to drake

me (eats the bark of the rare almond tree for its classy unique taste, spends friday nights studying gregorian chants, refers to my classmates as “brethren” out of respect): whom?

[lollytea]

i like how writing realistic worlds and characters is so important for so many writers to the point where they agonize over it. meanwhile lemony snicket was just like “death to reality. im gonna write this whole ass series and with god as my witness, absolutely fucking NOBODY is gonna act like a person.”

[overthestars-and-offtoneverland]

Daniel Handler, after downing whatever the hell he was on: The baby has piranha teeth and can take a trained swordswoman in a fight. 

All of us: Fucking genius. 

[thesixthstar]

readers: what time and place is this set in? Daniel Handler: Yes.

[witchesversuspatriarchy]

Suddenly feline familiars make perfect sense

[midiport]

finally some good news

[whitepeopletwitter]

[ghostlyinaudible]

Snakes are returning to work. Nature is healing. 

[iheartvelma]

To: staff

Re: no step on snek sign cleerly posted in brek room y u ignore

[iusedtobecharming-deactivated20]

The desire to be beautiful is giving me brain damage