...悪かったな

unaffiliated squall leonhart of FFVIII.

[griefandpunishment]

"...The fuck is this?"

[griefandpunishment]

[; mentally trying to convince myself out of attempting to rp (i don't have time and i'm not consistent enough) vs kinda really wanting to do so (i've got techniques this time I swear!!)

Pain. ]

[griefandpunishment]

[; Went through my following list to clear out inactives etc...went from 245 to 40. 

I also unfollowed all KH blogs because at stage I probably won’t be writing for it again unless something drastic changes with Nomura’s direction.]

[griefandpunishment]

RE: “So you’re going to post actual Squall content and not FFXIV Squall content, right?”

[griefandpunishment]

hewwo?

[griefandpunishment]

a goodbye.

So.

If you’re familiar with my sporadic activity patterns, you probably saw this coming, and I’ve been mulling over what to say and what not to for a few days now.

I’m saying what is likely to be a permanent goodbye to Tumblr.

I’ve tried to pick it back up, again, as evidenced by my activity here. Tried to rekindle the spark. But time and time again I find it fading out as I browse the site-- which, as much as you could recommend ‘don’t do that’, that’s how you engage with fellow writers.

Y’see, this has happened before. On other blogs (although not Phoenix - losing muse for Phoenix was something entirely different, that I still can’t word.) It happened exactly this way on Jak, and similarly again with Sora. Yukio more or less falls into a similar category.

And it comes down to this: I don’t write for content I don’t like.

That is not saying I don’t like FF8. In fact, I adore FF8. I still think it’s the best FF, with Shadowbringers being more or less equal in that regard, and I have played 7-15. I love Squall, I love the world, I love the lore. I still feel there’s so much to be explored.

But, many people on Tumblr don’t feel like that.

They don’t love the content they write for. In some cases, they vehemently hate it. Hate it so much they write vindictively, to ‘correct’ the canon, to override the original creator’s wrongs. They gatekeep their ideal vision, it becomes adopted as fanon. Typical Tumblr spirals. I know you’re all familiar with it.

This isn’t to call out those I’ve seen doing this lately on my dash. To be honest, if that’s how you choose to engage with the content, you’re more than entitled to do so-- that’s how you enjoy it and that’s perfectly valid.

But again...I don’t write for content I don’t like, so the mindset becomes exhausting to me.

With Jak, the fanon and the constant bereavement over certain writing choices eventually killed my muse.

With Sora, I grew to dislike Nomura’s direction, but the dash was also a constant swathe of ‘I hate this choice’, or gatekeeping, or villifying others. (hot take: exploring how teenagers engage in sexuality doesn’t make you a fucking paedophile. there’s nuance to that, but I don’t give enough of a shit to go into it.)

With Yukio, I hated the path Kazue Kato took, and though I engaged in the rewrite of canon for a while, eventually I gave up and lost muse.

I’m consistent in this. I know where to draw the line for myself.

It’s unavoidable that’ll I’ll still see people’s hot takes on how bad FF8 is. I run around XIV as a Squall, people think that’s invitation to tell me how much they hate it. But...on this front. I’m choosing to disengage. It’s not worth my energy to try and maintain muse against the current. I have enough issues with anger to watch other people talk about it.

I’m on discord -- Puddle of DARKNESSS#2400 (three s’s), if you’d like to keep in contact or write there, and my twitter is  @Puddorz. I’ll come back and reblog this a few times, and I won’t be deleting the blog as I still like to read old writing and find old art. but unless we get a remake, or new blood of some kind...yeah. I think I’ve had enough. so...goodbye. Perhaps for now, perhaps forever, and thank you for the memories. 

[griefandpunishment]

-sees thancred-

ok deep breaths slips into the abyss

[fresh-hot-rp-memes]

More Scar Interactions

Send [...] for your muse to...

[Trace] Trace my muse’s scar purposely

[Brush] Touch my muse’s scar on accident

[Kiss] Kiss my muse’s scar

[Compare] Compare our muses’ scars

[Breath] Gently blow on my muse’s scar

[Story?] Ask about my muse’s scar

[Ew] Call my muse’s scar ugly

[Lovely] Call my muse’s scar beautiful

[Stare] Be caught staring at my muse’s scar

[Hide] Tell my muse to cover their scar

[Don’t Hide] Ask my muse why they try to cover their scar

*Add Reverse to switch our muse’s places

[155jpg]

controversial opinion but sometimes....canon is better than fanon

[space-finally]

[howling-suggestions]

Tell me where to put the memories; even the good ones cut like glass and I've already lost too much blood. Tell me how to ease the silver ache of losing the ones you would have fought the gods for. Please.

[liverpepper]

(based off this vine!! ^O^)

[feral-ballad]

Kim Sang Yong, Compiled & Edited by Peter H. Lee, From Anthology of Korean Literature: from early times to the nineteenth century

[griefandpunishment]

[; also someday I’d like to do more with the quiet and yet clear implication given by the game that Julia Heartilly was a (weak) sorceress and Rinoa inherited without being aware of it ]

[griefandpunishment]

[; I’m dropping all except my thread with @witchofdoma (bc i do have muse for it i just need to sit down and concentrate on it) and I’ll be completely clearing my inbox. I need a fresher start but I’m determined.

Like this post for a starter (will reblog a couple of times over the next few days before getting started, I’ve just moved house. It’ll be for either post/canon or XIV. ]

[griefandpunishment]

[; I’m dropping all except my thread with @witchofdoma (bc i do have muse for it i just need to sit down and concentrate on it) and I’ll be completely clearing my inbox. I need a fresher start but I’m determined.

Like this post for a starter (will reblog a couple of times over the next few days before getting started, I’ve just moved house. It’ll be for either post/canon or XIV. ]

[griefandpunishment]

[; I’m realising my post-canon era muse is the ‘im done being baby i want power’ meme except instead of power its darkness or smth ]

[vigileslamia]

HELLSING ULTIMATE ABRIDGED Quote Game/Meme

Send in one of the following quotes from HUA to get my muse’s reaction!

There! I took the fucking shot! She’s dead! There’s blood everywhere!

Okay, Christ, fine, I’ll help you. But only ‘cause you’ve got nice tits.

Hey, (name)! (name)! This is awesome! You should totally join in! Seriously, there’s like 40 zombies in here! Just one shot in the head and they explode! Just like House of the Dead, only like, 100 times more awesome!

Oh, fuck the hell yes.

Sweet Black-fucking-Sabbath!

Oh, if it isn’t the Catholic Church! And what’s this? No Little Timmy glued to your crotch? Progress!

You done goofed.

…you Protestant fuck-bucket.

I’m a fuckmothering vampire!

You are reading your master’s mind! Put my head between your booooooooobs!

Oh, I’m sorry, I like to dirty talk when someone’s sucking my dick.

It’s just that I’m so agitated, because this blond little shit just strolled into my room, destroyed my 70-inch plasma TV, and is trying to impress me like I’m his alcoholic father.

Ah, fuck it. Skull-fuckin’ for everybody!

I would do fucking anything right now to get out of this.

BITCH, I EAT PEOPLE!

Oh fuck, that’s an anti-tank rifle. OH FUCK, THAT’S AN ANTI-TANK RIFLE!

What are you gonna do? Call that one guy who can stop me? What was his name…Michael McDoesn'tExist?

Get that bitch a cannon! Bitches love cannons.

What’s wrong, demigod? Just grow back your legs! Summon up your demons! Hit me! Fight me! Give me a hug!

You know, they say TV makes you violent. But I’d say not having my TV is making me pretty fucking violent!

Shut up and take my money!

Nazis~!

Master! My breasts keep getting bigger!

Jesus wants a hug!

HEYKIDSWANNASEEADEADBODY!?!

Right this way, Group B! That’s right, right in front of everybody else; you’re eighty, you’re used to it! We’re going to look at art and paintings, which I believe are also art! I dunno! I’m Cockney, I’m uncultured!

That’s right. I’m going to FUCK the fear turkey!

HEY DANDY DICK! You missed.

The fuck is this? The fuck is that?! The fuck are THOSE?!

I HAVE A FEAR OF FLYING, COFFINS, AND TIGHT SPACES!

You cheeky dick-waffle!

Zis is my favorite kind of ship — laden with blood und seamen.

Chuh-chuh-chuh-CHECK YOUR PRIVILEGE!

Ah. The return of the “why” boner. With a vengeance.

By Jove, you fuckin’ header of a woman! You’re surrounded by fifty Nazi vampires, armed literally to the teeth, and what do you do?! You get out of your fuckin’ car, pull out your sword, cut off one of their heads, and yell “Come at me, you Kraut shits!” NO WONDER (name) wants to plow that virgin soil! I’M THINKING ABOUT GROWIN’ SOME FLOWERS MYSELF!

(thing) for days.

We were prepared for a full-on tactical assault. Instead, we got a volley of swastika-covered dipshits running dick-first into enemy territory.

Hey, if we’re killing Nazis, we’ll worship a side of bacon!