Brooding...

Closed Tharja rp blog / TOA-affiliated / Golden Deer student at the Officer's Academy / pfp by deathmchandsome

[grimstalkr]

WHAT TRAGIC CHARACTER FROM ANCIENT GREEK LITERATURE ARE YOU?

Pentheus

you are pentheus from the bacchae by euripides, and you hold yourself so tightly wound together and so perfectly in place that even the slightest push will make you shatter. you are determined, you are headstrong, and you are addicted to pushing yourself to your farthest limits just to see when you'll snap. you find comfort in tradition, order, and authority, because that's where you are allowed to be blind to the darkness inside you. once in a while, give into the temptation and the chaos you keep denying yourself. it's the only way to not be afraid anymore.

Tagged by: dash. Tagging: everyone!

[grimstalkr]

“I see. I suppose it makes sense. You are a knight. Just from this conversation with you, I can just tell you’re a kind-hearted soul. There aren’t many of those truly left in the world at least where I come from. I can relate, in a way. I despise others taking hits for me and being injured in my stead. That’s why it’s so important to protect those who wish to protect you as well.” Tharja said, just the slightest hint of a genuine smile on her face now. No darkness in her eye, just a special fondness for whoever she was thinking of.

“Hm. I didn’t realize I’d spent so long taking up your time. I do have other things to tend to today and classes I need to get to… But Corrin. It was lovely talking to you. I would like to do it again sometime.” Tharja said, her piercing gaze locking right back onto Corrin’s own once more. Unsettling as she was, Tharja was having a wonderful time. Corrin really did wonders for her mood with their little conversation. She’d have the energy to hex late into the night just from their exchange.

“If that’s something you would be interested in, of course.” Even if Corrin didn’t want to talk to her again Tharja would still keep an eye on her.

[ofdusk]

Kind-hearted, a term that Corrin is no stranger to being called and yet one that she still takes pause at hearing. Crimson eyes widen a moment before a smile retakes her expression.

“I could say the same for you, you know.” Strange though she may well be, Tharja’s intentions were clearly of the right variety. She would make a well-trusted ally and a far better friend, Corrin is sure. “The world could use more people who care as much as you do.”

Perhaps just not in the same ways, she amends to herself.

“Oh!” As though she had completely forgotten about time’s passage throughout the course of the conversation, Corrin’s expression reverts once more to surprise. She herself has no shortage of things that need doing and, well, surely her tardiness will be understood…

“Of course I’d be interested!” She reaches to give Tharja’s shoulder a parting squeeze. “I’ll see you around then, okay?”

/fin.

[ofdusk]

this post is so fucking mean

[justices-blade]

"Maybe...? Though, yeah, probably, he freaks out a little even if i keep it all cupped and safe in my hands. I can't imagine he'd do better with a bug in a jar, haha." As he moves on to the next beetle (which seems to recognise that beorc shadow=food time, eagerly approaching the glass of the terrarium). he cranes his neck over to catch the tail end of the frog-feeding — Which involves a lot of blinking and valiantly attempting to stuff crickets in their mouth, apparently.

He listens to her explanation with rapt attention while still being very, very responsible about the beetle-feeding; Figures that milk's not in the question, and that calcium powder makes sense… And it’s cute that some of ‘em are even picky eaters, for sure. Also, lizards eat greens? (Lizards can stick to walls? Those are some big toe beans that one’s got there…)

The boy lights ups again when Tharja offers to let him hold the lizard (lizard?), gently setting his bug box aside to free up his hands.

“Of course!” he exclaims, scooting over to get a better look at the little gal in question. “Oh! Should I wash my hands, or something? Because the frogs are sensitive, so.” another pause, as he blinks. “Also, what exactly is she? I haven’t seen any lizards that look like her from where I come from, and I’ve seen a number of them. Does she have a name?”

[grimstalkr]

"I do have some wipes..." She gestured toward her bedside dresser. On top of it sat some miscellaneous knickknacks, a strange black box, and an utterly ordinary container of antibacterial wipes. Tharja allowed the gecko to crawl across her fingers, lazily moving her hands to follow her as she walked. "She's a desert banded gecko... They're found in sandy desert flats usually... She's a relic of sorts from my home."

Tharja takes a moment to consider giving Edward the name of the gecko. She almost appeared embarrassed to share the name, visibly hesitating as she tried to think of a new name. Though she came up with nothing and decided to confess.

"Her name is Princess."

Admitting that was difficult enough. It was clear Tharja babied and adored every single one of the creatures she kept even when she used them as ingredients at the end of their lives.

"She's generally nocturnal but she's fairly active occasionally during the day." Tharja briefly wondered what it was about Edward that made her inclined to be so friendly. She normally chased people away and got rid of them as soon as she could. Curse her and her weakness for plucky extroverts.

[grimstalkr]

[ Faerghus ] It seemed as though the ball was settling into full rhythm now. The band taking center stage as many paired up to dance. Ephidel was prone to the discreet and familiar, and so much of the ball was spent in the corner with his acquaintance. But hanging by the wall now would leave him more exposed than if he danced, so he offered Tharja his hand. "Shall we? I warn though that dance is not among my skills."

Tharja had been keeping herself away from the festivities as things grew more lively. She wasn't one to dance or socialize very much and it seemed there were a few others who had the same idea. It wasn't until Ephidel offered his hand that Tharja finally focused on what was going on. She stared quietly at his hand for a moment before deciding to take it, a familiar anxiety bubbling up in her chest.

"I won't be any better," Tharja said flatly. Despite sounding so unenthusiastic she was still walking to the dancefloor with Ephidel and keeping his hand in her own. It was better than hugging the wall and having others look at her with pity or something of that nature.

"I take it you didn't want to be stuck on the sidelines either then?" She asked. "It's been a while. How have you been?"

[anankelotus]

OMG Hi!!!

grimstalkr:

Tharja knew he was crying but let him for the time being. She knew there was little she could do to comfort him other than listen and let the old soul weep. Watching him hurt made her own cold heart twitch with emotion.

"I don't think it's weakness that makes you cry this way. You're an incredibly long-lived person with an eternity of hurt. Of course, you can't bear what you're feeling. If I lived as long as you had I would be just as heartbroken." Tharja said, thinking briefly of the stories of dragons of her homeland. Most dragons didn't survive living so long with their sanity intact. It was a wonder Anankos had a human body and consciousness to escape to.

"There's nothing I can say to fix the hurt you feel but I can be here," Tharja said, looking at the way Anankos hid behind their hood. She knew what I felt to hide. Not to the extent that Anankos did but she wondered if the emotions were all that different at their core.

Anankos feels Tharja's eyes piercing through his very soul, her words hitting a part of him that he had long forgotten had even existed. And it only makes him want to cry that much more. Cry until he is drowning in nothing but an ocean of his own tears, cry until he longer feels sad.

Though, that would be quite a long time indeed. He wouldn't dare subject anyone to his selfish pain for that long, or even a second longer than he had to. Not even those who were willing to stand beside him and ease his sorrows.

"I surely do not deserve such kind words... young Tharja. It is far too much for me to bear in my old age... I'm sorry but I should have faded away many eons ago..." He should still be dead, forever lost to the sands of time. And yet he remained, so terribly so. He hated it, that he must live when he knew that he was wrong, had wronged others. It was not fair that better people than himself must die while he had to live.

"Though... I would be honored to have your comfort... it is surely more than I should be given... but it still means more than you could ever know."

[grimstalkr]

Once more, Tharja listens. She waits and lets Anankos speak all he needs, listening with incredible patience. Tharja never was sure how to deal with the extreme emotions of others but somehow, she always managed to express what she was thinking about the situation.

"Even if I could never really fix the hurt, being with... Friends helps." Tharja said, recalling what she'd learned with the Shepherds. Everyone was always preaching about friendship and the bonds between allies. Tharja had never thought much of it until after the war. They were all so close by the end of it that parting was such a melancholy feeling. "... I'm awful at comforting but I've learned one thing. Sorrow can't be handled alone."

Tharja reached into her bag, searching for something. After a moment, she pulled out a handkerchief. She held it out, waiting for Anankos to take it. She couldn't help but wonder how useful one singular handkerchief could do with so many eyes to cry from.

[anankelotus]

OMG Hi!

grimstalkr:

"You always speak as if you're a walking ghost, Anankos," Tharja said, walking over closer to look at his face under his hood. There was always such a profound sadness radiating off of Anankos and Tharja knew she couldn't change that. "And quit that comparison mess. You're going to drive yourself even more mad thinking about what could have been. What have I told you about the way you wallow in sorrow?"

She still listened to every word he had to say. He was always so wracked with pain. There was nothing Tharja could do to stop that but at least she could be there for a moment. Solitude didn't do well for the mind of someone who was already trapped in darkness.

"It isn't luck that keeps me going. It's spite, I think. In spite of everything I want to live. Dying in wars I never agreed to isn't how I want my life to end. So I survive. It doesn't mean I'm not damaged from it but it's easier to continue and ignore it than to wallow." Tharja was sure if she stopped to really consider how she felt then she would start sinking into it. So she didn't think much on it and busied herself with baking, creating hexes, and ingredient collecting.

Walking ghost didn't even begin to put it. He still does not know why he has remained alive, he does not remember what happened after he died within Lilith's arms. He is sure that it has something to do with his dragon, it wishing to use him as one of its puppets, but he does not remember, and that is the worst part. He is running on borrowed time, ever since he arrived at the academy devoid of any knowledge of how he had even gotten there in the first place.

Who could tell if the gods would decide to strike him down once more.

"The fact that you are able to carry on so easily is another testement to your strength, dear Tharja. I cannot, because I must repent for all of the pain and suffering I have caused... and I can never utter enough apologies to make all of it right... I'm sorry...." He has started to truly cry before he can stop himself, and he tugs the hood further over the face, to the hide the wretched being that he is. Even Tharja, he thinks, is not befit to see it. Because no one is.

"I wish I... weren't so weak... that would certainly make this pain a little bit easy to bear..."

[grimstalkr]

Tharja knew he was crying but let him for the time being. She knew there was little she could do to comfort him other than listen and let the old soul weep. Watching him hurt made her own cold heart twitch with emotion.

"I don't think it's weakness that makes you cry this way. You're an incredibly long-lived person with an eternity of hurt. Of course, you can't bear what you're feeling. If I lived as long as you had I would be just as heartbroken." Tharja said, thinking briefly of the stories of dragons of her homeland. Most dragons didn't survive living so long with their sanity intact. It was a wonder Anankos had a human body and consciousness to escape to.

"There's nothing I can say to fix the hurt you feel but I can be here," Tharja said, looking at the way Anankos hid behind their hood. She knew what I felt to hide. Not to the extent that Anankos did but she wondered if the emotions were all that different at their core.

[grimstalkr]

Anankos has never been good at giving gifts, always spending too long puzzling over what was right for the other person, always so worried that she would end up getting it wrong in the end. Perhaps it was strange to fret so much over such a thing that was so simple for others, but that had always been her ever living conundrum. It never did seem to be as easy for her as it did for humans, hence why she worried and fretted so much over simple things.

Her hands squeeze the stuffed cat in her hands perhaps a little too hard, but the toy is still fine, even with Anankos' sloppy stitchwork. It is not perfect, and it is a little late, but she hopes that Tharja will appreciate the gesture all the same. Her heart burns inside her chest as she knocks on the girl's dorm door and waits.

"Tharja... I understand if you don't want to recieve a gift from someone as miserable as me on your birthday... but you are... important to me, so I hope you will accept it all the same..." She smiles awkwardly, holding the black stuffed cat out to the girl, praying that Tharja will take it without too much protest so she can stop standing here and fretting that everything will turn out horribly.

"... Happy birthday... my- Tharja. Happy birthday Tharja."

Anankos was the last person Tharja had expected to see for her birthday. She blinked in surprise when she opened the door and saw the familiar hooded figure at her door. She took the stuffed cat quietly, a squeeze in her chest as she did. It was clear that it came from the heart and she gently ran her thumb over the stitching on the head, looking over to Anankos with a softened look in her eye.

"I'm supposed to be the gloomy one here, you know," Tharja said, holding the stuffed cat close to herself. She clearly liked it by the way she cradled the cat. "It's perfect, Anankos. Thank you... If- you'd like you can come in. I've... Got cookies to share. From another friend giving me a gift."

Tharja briefly thought about how similar they were in some ways. Both were so awkward but for very different reasons. Tharja wondered if Anankos felt that kinship with her.

"I won't take no for an answer. Come inside."

[grimstalkr]

As she stands outside Tharja's door, Maria cannot help but fret with the gifts in her arms. Truth be told, she still isn't fully certain she knows what Tharja likes, but at the very least she can say that she's tried! (And that she showed up with homemade cookies, if all else fails!) Setting the flowers into place with one last gentle touch, she nods to herself in satisfaction and drops her knuckles against the wood.

"Tharja?" Tum-ta-tum. "It's Maria! I have something for you!"

When the door creaks open, a grin blossoms on her face as she holds out a modest bouquet: a simple thing bereft of ostentatious colors, filled instead with deep purples and soft whites.

"Hee hee..." Brows upturn as she giggles sheepishly. "Um, I'm not sure if it'll be any use to you, but I remembered that you used the flowers from the party for your hexes! Because they soaked up the happy energy at the party, right?" At least, that was how she'd understood it. "So I started telling stories to the ones I'm growing in the greenhouse every day -- now they're definitely happy! The happiest, heeheehee.

"...But I wasn't sure that would work either, so I made you some cookies, too. Just in case! Happy birthday, Tharja!"

Tharja was certainly surprised to see Maria at her door. She was even more surprised to see the flowers and cookies being offered for her birthday. Tharja felt a warmth blooming on her face as she listened to Maria speak. She'd inspired her to speak to her flowers to help them grow? Tharja's habits were rubbing off on others and something about that was equal parts mortifying and touching.

"That's exactly what I used the flowers for, yes... These will be perfect as well for more hexes. The colors... They're perfect too." Tharja mumbled, opening her door a bit more. It took her a moment before she smiled at Maria. Her awkward energy felt a little more at ease as the girl spoke with her.

"They're perfect, Maria. Thank you. I can't eat all of these by myself." She said, glancing at the cookies. "Hm... In the next few days if you'd like... I'll be going to the greenhouse. We can... Snack and chat with the flowers. A girl's... Day."

Tharja was terribly awkward. It was like every word was a struggle. She simply hoped Maria would understand her attempt at friendship.

[grimstalkr]

Agh, where is she?

Chrom glances back and forth, trying to pick out a very specific head of black hair. It's Tharja's birthday today, and he can't recall ever getting to celebrate it before he left to come to the monastery for his studies. In his hands sits a rectangular package, neatly wrapped in black paper and decorated with gold ribbon. He hopes she'll like what he's gotten her; after over a year of studying the magical arts, he feels like he might have a better grasp of what the Plegian mage's preferences are. Of course, if he can't find her, he'll never know whether or not she actually will appreciate his gift.

Oh! There she is! He spots her in the shadowy hallway and slips out of the great hall, heading towards her. "Tharja, hey! I have something for you. I wanted to wish you a happy birthday!" He hands over the package, which will reveal an elegant knife (perfect for both rituals, hex-making, and self-defense) laid in a gold-trimmed ebony box. Most people would balk at giving anyone with dark inclinations a potential murder weapon, but Chrom trusts Tharja will use the instrument wisely and well.

"I... I hope it's to your liking! I wasn't sure what to get you, but I figured you'd appreciate something that would help you in your research."

Tharja had hoped for a quiet birthday. She explicitly avoided telling people but it seemed the school had other ideas. People she hardly knew were wishing her well, leaving her in a strange mood. Upon hearing Chrom call out to her, she nearly tried speeding away down the hall from the stress of it all. Though she reluctantly stopped, unable to deal with how she knew he would deflate if she ignored him. He had been nothing but nice to her it was the least she could do back.

"A gift?" She said, taking the box carefully. She opened it quickly, a clear interest shining in her dark eyes. The box itself was ornate and beautiful. She wondered what could be inside. When she saw the knife, a thrill went through her chest. It was lovely and exactly the kind of gift she would want. She could use it in any number of ways and she had a hard time swallowing the lump that jumped up into her throat. What a strange man Chrom was. So thoughtful.

"It's..." Tharja struggled for her words, letting her fingers trace the handle of the blade. "Perfect. Ironic almost. Reminds me of what I said to you when we first met back in Plegia."

She took a slow breath in before exhaling again. She wondered if he remembered what she said.

"Thank you, Chrom. As always, you're strangely in tune with things others like. I... Love it."

[justices-blade]

"Well, y'know what they say; Spiders are usually more scared of us than we are of them?" He listens to her continue explaining with rapt attention, already looking at the critters with wonder.

He'd honestly never assume the arachnids are that shy just watching her feed them, though, the spiders seem to like her a lot! One recognises her coming to feed it, crawls closer to the side of the glass in anticipation. Cute. Chuckling to himself, Edward carefully takes the offered containers off her hands, peering into them: Aw, look at the little crawly guys! Soon to be subject to the circle of life, but also still cute. The boy watches her feed one of them, before popping open one of his own containers and shaking a couple of little bugs out into a beetle's enclosure. It sort of reminds him to sticking mosquitos he's grabbed by the wings into spiderwebs.

As warned, he's careful to avoid the beetle's pincers, watches in fascination as it turns around, scuttling towards the three little bugs he's dropped in. Lunchtime, lunchtime. He watches a little while longer, just to make sure the beetle's found its feed, before cheerily moving to the next. He's shaken out a few more of the little bugs into the next terrarium when Tharja asks the question;

"Huh? Of course it is!" he shoots her a grin, nodding enthusiastically, capping the container of live feed just in case. Tharja's the quiet sort, but she knows a lot, and it's just fun hearing her talk about all the stuff she knows, too. "I spent a lot of time catching bugs and other little creatures with my little brother when we were kids. My friend Leonardo's also scared of bugs, so I kinda shoo them out for him all the time." He huffs a little laugh at the memories. "It's nice to get to know some of them better!"

He smiles at the beetle affectionately, smoothly moving to the next to feed that one, too. "Where do reptiles usually get their calcium from, anyways? I can't imagine they'd drink milk."

[grimstalkr]

Tharja let Edward do as he pleased and continued to feed the bugs, listening closely as when he spoke. She hummed quietly as he talked about his friend. Somehow Edward being an elder brother made sense as well. His attitude reminded Tharja of her own siblings in a way. Though powerful mages expressed themselves differently from silly teenage knights. Was Edward a knight? Hm. She had to focus on the conversation at hand.

"Perhaps your friend could see bugs in a different light if they were kept away from him in an enclosure like this." She said, thinking briefly about it. She didn't know Leonardo at all and she wouldn't let a stranger in to see her collection but she could bring one in a jar to him. "Maybe that's too much for him."

Tharja moved over to her amphibians and grabbed their food, taking tweezers to get their food ready as well. She was careful as she started to feed them. Edward's question about reptiles and calcium made her snort, vaguely amused at his question.

"Well... No. Definitely not milk. It's not as if milk is entirely off-limits but it's not where they get calcium. They get calcium in the form of powder. Like this here." She finished feeding her frogs and took a moment to close the enclosure. Then she turned to some containers and popped one open, pouring some onto her hand.

"You can just sprinkle it onto their food and they're fine with it. I try not to give too much calcium but this one..." She poked the glass of one of her tanks. Inside sat a little leopard gecko who perked up when the glass was poked. The gecko padded over to the glass and bumped her nose against it. "She's a big fan of calcium. Even feeding her greens she hates she'll eat in a flash if there's calcium. She's... Strange. Would you like to hold her?"

[grimstalkr]

Activity Check || March 2023

Status: Passed

Skill Points Acquired: 1 (Monthly) Total Points: 9 -> 10

Skill Points Gained: Faith: D -> D+

[grimstalkr]

rrrap-tap-tap. A knock resounds from Tharja's door, followed quickly by a "Hey Tharja! It's Edward."

When she opens it, she's met first with a little terrarium; Though, not just any old enclosure, because it's quietly alive with ants, the tunnels in the dirt visible from where it neighbours the glass. The little critters are all in good health, working avidly for a queen left out of sight.

"Happy birthday!"

He lowers the terrarium a little, bright grin peeking over the upper edge of it, warm like sunrise. "Hehe, I started learning to raise these! These're still pretty young, though. I heard they have stuff that might help with your hexes, so this one's yours." His gifts've always been practical, after all. "The queen's name is Joann!"

Tharja was incredibly impressed by the gift. She was always so awkward when it came to receiving gifts for her birthday and this was no exception. She looked quietly at the ants as they worked, a warm look in her eye as she looked at them. Then her sharp gaze flashed over to Edward and she smiled, a shaky and nervous smile but still delighted!

"Joann has done a wonderful job cultivating life here... And so have you. Thank you, Edward. These ants will be the perfect little helpers in a skin crawling hex." Tharja said, a clear excitement on her face. She just adored crafting hexes and taking care of the ingredients she used to make them.

"You've become quite the apprentice. These ants seem happy." Tharja said, carefully taking the terrarium and placing it among the others in a safe spot for the ants. "You would do great with dark magic if you used them in the right ways."

Edward was really growing on Tharja. How strange to think she had made a friend that she really wanted to keep.

[grimstalkr]

🙋‍♀️ Maria very nearly passes her by at first, just another student trotting down the halls. Only after a second glance does she pause fully, suddenly rooted to the spot and blinking.

"Tharja...?" After a moment-- it really is her... she thinks?-- Maria beams. "Your hair looks really pretty in a ponytail!"

"Maria! Oh, thank you! Hehe, I wanted to try something new. My hair is always in my face and it makes me look sooo scary." Tharja said, hands pressed on the sides of her face. She looked... Cute!

"I was actually thinking of changing things up in my room too... Lots of scary things in there!"

[grimstalkr]

🙋‍♀️ This woman… there is something about her that feels faintly familiar, as if witnessed in a dream. I must ask her why that is.

“Y-You… know?” My hands attempt ‘Do you know me?’ in case she cannot guess at what I am trying to say. “Hair… s-silky…”

Indeed, I have never seen hair that could yet rival Master Grima’s before (though it must be said that my master’s is still far lovelier and finer).

Tharja jumped in surprise at his appearance. Her first reaction was to run away screaming but thankfully she was able to shake it off. Though he was familiar. She knew him... She stared at him for a moment, trying to understand what it was he was saying. Then it hit her.

Chrom! Was that Chrom?! The poor man. He looked to be in such a miserable state. Tharja took a deep breath and nodded, hesitantly reaching out to put a hand on his arm.

"It's me, Tharja. Oh, Chrom! What's happened to you? Are you okay? You look..." Dead. Zombified? Scary!! "Is there anything I can do to help?"

[grimstalkr]

🙋‍♀️ It's good he's great at remembering faces, but seeing a blonde, non-gloomy Tharja still makes him double take.

"Oh hey, Tharja? Trying a new look...?"

"Oh hey, Edward! Hehe, what do you think?" She asked, tilting her head. She seemed openly delighted to see her friend there in front of her. She felt great for once. Not nervous or antsy or even awkward!

"I just had to get up and out of my room today. All of those bugs and slimy creatures were soooo scary!"

[grimstalkr]

🙋‍♀️"Never seen you around before. Unless...?"

"Ah! Oh, hello! Well, probably not. I don't really recognize you. I'm Tharja! It's lovely to meet you." She said, holding her hand out. What's more, is that she was smiling. Actually smiling and it didn't hold a hint of darkness or malice. She looked positively delighted.

[grimstalkr]

Welcome to April Fool's day, Tharja! When she woke up that morning she felt... Strange. Actually. She felt the complete opposite of strange. She felt totally normal!

When she woke up and looked at her wall of bugs and amphibians, she screamed. In utter terror! Squealing and jumping away from her hex ingredients, bumping into her cauldron, and shrieking even louder. She was in a hell of her own making! She got dressed as quickly as possible, pulling her hair up into a high ponytail. She even brushed her hair away from her face. Another terrifying change was the fact her black hair was now blonde! Oh, woe is her. No doom and gloom today.

She hurried out of her room and wheezed, shaking her head.

"Ohhh! There has to be someone that can help me get rid of all that nasty stuff... What kind of freak put all of that in my room?"

Send a 🙋‍♀️ to interact with totally normal girl Tharja!