Mama Bear

30 • Noah 1.5.22 👼🏽💜 • due june 2024 🌈💜•Est 7.4.20 • main @heismymirror

[thepeacefulgarden]

[cockblock-of-the-century]

The twelve days of finals...

12 cups of coffee

11 mental breakdowns

10 fucking pages

9 hour deadline

8 cited sources

7 days to do it

6 days i wasted

FIVE TIMES THE PAIN

4 shots of vodka

3 days since I slept

2 words on my page

and a rubric that is not clear

[growingmyrainbow]

10.2.23

Pregnant with my rainbow 🌈 ❤️

[growingmyrainbow]

All I fucking want is to be pregnant again I’m so fucking angry at everybody

[growingmyrainbow]

Missing you always my sweet girl. I’m so angry that I wish every baby girl I see was you so I can experience you growing up. My heart hurts. 😪

[growingmyrainbow]

Cd2 5.20.23

Pls pray I get pregnant this time bc potential babe would be due 3 days before my birthday 🥺

[growingmyrainbow]

5.9.23

I just want to fucking be pregnant again

[growingmyrainbow]

4.19.23 CD1

Not fucking pregnant I fucking hate myself

[growingmyrainbow]

4.15.23

I was in the mall today and from the moment I opened the door the smell of popcorn that was all the way downstairs in the middle of the mall was so strong. Had to leave cuz it was so overwhelming. It’s just like when I found out about Noah and strongly smelled a semi open bag of popcorn at my job. I really hope this works cuz I’ll be so sad otherwise.

[kafk-a]

The Year of Magical Thinking, Joan Didion

[feral-ballad]

Ono No Komachi, tr. by Jane Hirshfield and Mariko Oratani, from The Ink Dark Moon Love Poems by Ono No Komachi and Izumi Shikibu

[comfydarkme]

I sit with my grief. I mother it. I hold its small, hot hand. I don’t say, shhh. I don’t say, it's okay. I wait until it is done having feelings. Then we stand and we go wash the dishes.

-- Callista Buchen, from Taking Care

[akindplace]

Jess Sharp

[depresslife22]

Everyday of my life 

[liquidlightandrunningtrees]

“I want to talk about what happened without mentioning how much it hurt. There has to be a way. To care for the wounds without reopening them. To name the pain without inviting it back into me.”

— Lora Mathis, If There’s A Way Out I’ll Take It

[holyisthenameofmyruthlessaxe]

“I learned to cry like that, as if I could sprain the heart, the body hurting its way out.”

— What I Mean When I Say Elijah-Man, Geffrey Davis

[hel7l7]

I JUST WISH SOMEONE WOULD COMFORT ME