Here in Belgium they put October in the sign of breast cancer. So I did something special for that reason. I cut of my hair and sent it to be put into a wig. As your hair needs to have a sudden lenght, you can’t do it every year. It has been 5 years since I cut of mine and donated it.
So I donated the hair from the past 5 years. Half a decade. 5 years of adventure and life choices. I realized today that it has been 5 years since I met certain people. Like Bart and Christine who gave me the opportunity of riding their young horses and giving me the chance to start my first horse from scratch to a nice and sweet riding horse. In these 5 years I also bought my first horse, met her breeders, that she got her first baby. I traveled and was a working student in 4 different countries. I got introduced to the Academic Art of Riding with Kiki in The Netherlands, got back to jumping in Italy, back to AAoR in Denmark and self development in Sweden. I met incredible people and horses. I met myself more then once. I found a road in the woods, I found crossroads and made D-tours.
With the new hair that will be growing again, I hope to get to know myself even more. I hope to meet more awesome people and horses. I hope to see all my friends again, learn a lot more from some of them. I hope to travel some more with and without my horse(s). And I hope to stay true to myself most of all. So let’s see what the future brings.
I already told you I am an introverted person. Something some people might totally disagree with. It was something really important for me to find out. I am also a restless soul, afraid of being kept in a closed box. Afraid of confining myself to a closed box.
It took me a long time to realize that for me to commit to something serious like a job, study, owning a house, living with a plan is like setting myself inside a box with no way out. A box without a lit makes me feel trapped, claustrophobic. It is for me something I don’t want to create. So I try to make as little commitments as possible. In truth, I only have one big commitment. And it is to another living, sensing being. My horse, my Kiki.
If you would listen to my dad, she is the biggest mistake in my life. She is the one forcing me to stay in one place. She limits my options, she spents all my never growing to almost non-existing money. She is the one that sets boundaries on my dreams, keeps me from living and working abroad. She is the one that makes me make sacrifices for no reason other then that she is in my life. It is because my dad sees her only as the one complete box around me. The only thing that keeps me from being me. When I look at her, I see a sensitive being, someone that grounds me. Don’t mistake me, when I am in a bad place, I see her only as an obstacle to my complete freedom, a tool with no instruction manual and no obvious way of how to use without having read it.
That complete freedom is the only thing I completely strive for. My restless soul, my core being only wants to be free, no attachments anywhere, to anyone. We don’t want to be limited by money, people, animals. We don’t want anything around us except for endless possibilities, crossroads. And if I look at that commitment to my Kiki, I don’t see her as the box. I see her as a lit to any box, a crossroads. It is due to her personality, her being a horse, her connections to the horse world, and me already walking on that path, that I am getting to know different paths through that horse world. Traditional paths and not so traditional paths. She makes me see I was often and still am living in a box. She is the catalyst to my being.
So if she is not the box around me like my dad thinks she is, then what is? I am. I am the box around myself. I am afraid of containing myself, and by this I am confining myself inside a box. My horse tries to pull me outside of it bit by bit. But it is me who needs to want to go outside of it, and start to admit and accept all the fears that create the box. So much that in the end there is no more box to go back to. Is it easy, no. But it is the way to my utter freedom, to all impossible crossroads. As long as I keep being afraid of commitment to anything I won’t be able to set myself free, to be myself. To be me is the goal but how to get there, well we are busy eliminating the box. A task different for everybody.
What to say? I spent the past months in Denmark again.
I got the trust of Maria to train one of her horses. My dear little princes Isa. Oh what has she become. We started of a year ago with a horses that could barely canter, had no lenght in her steps. And now, now she can shine, she can canter fast and slow. And here and there we are capable of showing a few canter jumps in a row. We can do a trot and it is comfortable. and we can do all side movements in walk and trot in the forward and the collection. She shines, and we love going out for some real forward canter. My little princes you will be missed, Thank you!
My Amore Stosa, oh well. She might have her physical issues, no movement in the spine, almost no reflexes. Moving wasn’t even in her dictionary. We took a long road. She lost her shoes in January, which wasn’t an easy thing. She was super sensitive, but with some boots on that problem was out of the way. Because of her back I couldn’t ride her until a month ago. We did handwork, long reining, groundwork and longeing. And just getting her relaxed with me sitting on her back. When all of this changed into something relaxed and supple we dared to put a saddle on. and just walk around a bit. After a few times we also tried some trot. Walk really isn’t her strongest gait. With the trot we got more movement and more forward thinking. She was capable staying forward down. And then last week the biggest test, can she do all this in canter? And oh she did. No more losing that right hindleg, no more stressing in the transition. She is still tense, but she is starting to think forward down in the canter as well. What a horse! what a change, and she just loves going out on trailrides ones she finally got the feel for it.
And the little baby of my bunch, Little wood wood. Well he changed into a riding horse! Thank you for your trust Mari-Ann! He is going to be such a great horse to go out with and see the world (or at least Denmark)
Thank you everybody for the nice times, the laughter, the surprises and the trust. See you all again some day!
When you grieve over the end of a book, you know with certainty that the obsession was worth it.
I haven`t red this good a series of books in ages. All the books touched my heart on a deep level. And when you build up to such and ending, so many questions answered, so many updates on all characters. And just the deep connecting ending. The opportunity to learn, drift away.
Assassin’s fate is a fantastic ending to an until now fantastic world. I was buried by tears by the end. But I think all emotions passed during the hole book. There are no good words to tell how unbelievable this story was.
Thank you Robin Hobb! For the opportunity of really making me believe I was in another world every time I opened one of your books.
But I am still not accepting that the story is over. Goodbye Fitz, goodbye Fool, goodbye Nighteyes. It is wonderfull that you are finally more then whole, cause no words can describe what this friendship/love/comrade was made of. You live on.
A month has passed since my last up date. Time seems to go just so fast when you are having fun. I have lots of fun with my horses and their training is going great.
First up we have Isa, my dear little princess. What has she changed! When I started working with her during the summer, I had a horse that had a catback, didn’t want to move, we had a horrible trot, no canter. And now she has changed, she can do an incredible (at least for her) on the lungeline, she can do a trot with some longer stride, and her walk, oh she can do an incredible walk now. After a lot of training, last friday we passed the groundwork and lungeing test for Bent and so have now fullfilled half of the squiretest. So now we are done with Isa’s least favorite part of training, the lungeing. We will focus more on the riding now which she prefers the most.
I am the lucky person of not only training one horse, but more horses. So Amistosa I have also been training together since the summer. She has this awesome personality, that I adore. But her body doesn’t always agree. She has a lot of body issues, and making her lose in the spine and especially the lumbar region is not easy. Luckily Maria knows a top physiotherapist, and she is now helping us. The first session was 2 weeks ago, and we discovered she had no movement in her SI-joint, and also her hole head was blocked. We worked on the head first. And what a difference it made! After the session the next day, she allowed me to touch her head and touch her everywhere! And even her movements got a lot better, she can move her spine better and she doesn’t tilt her head anymore. So last week we had the second session with Freja. This time we worked on the movement in her SI-joint, which was already better then the week before. As she has kissing spines, there will never be a lot of motion, but we can loosen up the muscles so she feels better and can move better. So lets see what happens the coming weeks.
And the we have the lovely youngster, Woodie. Oh what a clumpsy sweetheart. he is about 3,5 years old now, and we are training together so that by summer we may be starting to ride him. but first some more preparations form ground so he knows what we are asking when we go sitting on top of him. He can already park and knows the voice cues quiet well. He is such a sweetheart!
Next to that I also go and spent some time in without the horses here. allthough it is always nice when there are horses involved. That happens when you are a horse addict.
So, after some deliberation with myself, I will keep on writing every once in a while.
I have decided not to move back all the way to Belgium yet, but I am guessing that you almost all know that by now. So here I am again at Maria’s place in Denmark.
I have had time to adjust anew, it didn’t take quiet that long, but still. I left in summer and came back in the middle of winter. And we have snow. After a year going almost completely without, I got to enjoy it this year for more then 1 day.
Snow is just amazing. The light it gives, it is never truly dark. The sound you hear when it cracks under your boots. The prints it leaves behind and the fun that is possible. Snow is something amazing in my eyes. But of course not everybody would agree with that. And if it comes to roads, snow and traffic, Denmark isn’t that different from Belgium.
So being here, I am learning again from Maria. I get to work with Isa again, also Amistosa I can have fun with and I got the opportunity of working with Elwood, a youngster. So plenty of fun to be had and lots of feedback to get. Loving it. As today was also lots of fun riding out to the beach. I am also training to hopefully be ready to do the groundwork longing test this year. So lets see what will happen the coming months.
As I have been moving around the past year, saying goodbye never got easier, and friendships gotten spread even wider. I have friends living close, far and in between. I have friends gained, refound and lost. I have a few that I talk weekly to, a few monthly and some I hear daily in one way or another. I care for all of them. I like having so many friends spread over so many places. Seeing each other means a lot. And it means you put effort in the friendship both ways. It isn’t always easy, sometimes you feel like you would like to see one of them right away. And most of the time taking the car to see them isn’t an option. And yes, I am from Belgium, for me distance has a different meaning then somebody who comes from Sweden for example.
I cherish my friendships, and hold them very dear.
I will start this last blog of the year with a quote I red recently:
“ The only way that we can live is if we grow
The only way we can grow is if we change
The only way we can change is if we learn
The only way we can learn is if we are exposed
And the only way that we are exposed is if we throw ourselves into the open.”
~C. Joybell~
This year I spent 6 months in Italy, where I got more experience with jumping and horsemanship. I didn’t feel at home there. When people ask why I left I always give them the same answer. I love how the keep all their topsport horses, and the way they treat them as topathletes. For me with a background in academic art of riding and a scientific bachelor, how you train your horses is important. And no, I don’t have a problem with how they jump their horses, those horses know what their job is without being afraid, because when you jump, the most important thing is trust. Confidence that your horse knows his job and you are capable of letting him do it. The horse trusts you that you trust him to let him do his job (Luca Moneta). It is one of the most important things I learned there. I left for another reason. Because of my background I learned a lot about biomechanics. Something that is scientific, measurable. Dressage is made to let the horse use his body better. I felt like I had to ride horses in a way that I know is not the right way. And doing something in a way that you know is not right just doesn’t feel right. Especially when you know how to do it different. It is like doing something in a bad way while you already know how to do it in a better way. So I came to make the decision not to finish my year there.
So I had another decision in front of me. What do I do next? Do I go back to Belgium to my old life. I look for a job and next to that I go back to teaching a little and going back to the job I left behind. A job that gave me the opportunity of working with amazing talented horses, with people that bred my own horse and took care of her the past half year. Or do I keep learning? Well as all of you know, I choose the second option. I kept on travelling. So my next stop was Denmark. Where I met Maria. She gave me a home away from home. She gave me a lot of new inside. I learned more about biomechanics and academics. I got to train a lot of different breeds of horses. And my toolbox grew a lot. Denmark was just perfect. I was sad that I had to leave. And if I wouldn’t have gone to Sweden I would’ve ended up there at the end of the year. In that little piece of heaven that she owns.
So with the clinic of Noora Enhqvist in sight, I left Denmark at the end of September. After that I would stay and be the first working student of my friend Leonie. I wouldn’t focus on horses, but on myself and my development. And who better to help me than such an amazing person like Leonie. She has a thing with people, she is good at seeing right through you. So she saw me as I didn’t even see myself. I have three months behind me. Months with lots of laughter, frustration, annoyance and so much more. I learned that introverting is a verb. That it is a necessary thing to do when you are an introvert and living with people who understand the need is just awesome. And I learned that I was one. And it doesn’t mean that you can’t be outgoing. If you want to know more about it, just use the internet. Everybody knows that google knows everything. I learned a lot more about my personality type (we used the myer briggs personality guide). I saw better how I function as a person and how I do function in a group. I couldn’t have grown this much without the right help and pushes from Leonie. She is just amazing and on the road to reach an even higher level of amawingness. You are a part of my family now! Never doubt yourself even when it is hard. You are perfect just the way you are.
In Sweden I met a Christmas crazy person. Mikaela. Without her, Sweden would not have been the same. I wouldn’t know how to find Orion in the sky, or wouldn’t have seen so many shooting stars (our record is 13 in a night). We wouldn’t have wondered what happens to the moon when you can’t see it. And no google for once didn’t know the answer. So still a mystery there. Mikaela was as well a perfect personality match in theory and as well as in real life. So when she left for her christmas holiday, it was hard for both of us. But we had one last perfect week together. We had our record starnight, we had a night in the shovel of the tractor in the middle of the field, we went to a restaurant, had a last time risotto together and a last time mudcake together. It was a perfect week. A good close of my time in Sweden. See you soon again Micky! Never forget that you are awesome too!
I cannot thank enough all the people who made this year so special. I might have named a few above, but there are many more. Like Tamara, who I met in Italy and I will meet again in Belgium in January. A friendship that just blossomed even though we talked more on the phone then in real life. She is as well one special one. And I missed a lot more, many special new friends. A lot of old friends still here. Friendships that grow stronger and some that got lost to distance. And an awesome end of the year to come with some real special friends.
Happiness
More or less
It’s just a change in me
Something in my liberty
Oh my, my
Happiness
Coming and going
I watch you look at me
watch my fever growing
I know just where I am
I have not been in the writing mood a lot. But here comes a little update.
Mikaela and me wanted to go to the beach and see the sunset once. As here we are a bit more north then in Belgium here it is completely dark by 4h 30 and it keeps on being earlier and earlier as the days keep on shortening. So to see the sunset on the beach you need to leave in time. After some arranging so we could use the car to go to the beach. Last sunday was our time. We might have been a bit late and arrived exactly when to sun started touching the horizon. We took with us some homemade knäcks, safran buns and chocolat mousse.
The sun was gone in less then 5 min. But the light was still not completely gone. lets say we had a nice time sitting on a rainblanket eating unhealthy stuff. After that it was time for some pizza. Well it wasn’t as good as the italian ones but it was still nice to eat a pizza again.
So last weekend was really awesome. first a backing saturday followed by a sunset sonday. Life can be great from time to time.
Here in Sweden I learned a lot of new stuff. Things that might come in handy not only around a stable. My computer gave up on me. This is one reason for the lack of updates. And I learned a lot more about me and other people.
I work mainly on me here. Something that is not easy to write about. I have the amazing guiding of Leonie. She guides you towards you without pushing or pulling but she just feels. We figured out together with Ida that I am an ISTP person. To be an introvert, was not something I thought to ever be. But it gave me good inside. It puts a lot of perspective on my life.
Next to working on my mind and body, we also have horse lesson. The focus on the centered riding and my seat. Still a lot of space for improvement there, but with help we get there and remember how things should feel so they become a habit. After riding for 6 months in jumping saddles with to short stirrup leathers, 3 months with a bareback pad on mainly an Irish cob, riding a big warmblood with a dressage saddle is strange and awkward. But what do I just love that feeling! So yes, despite being called crazy a million times by now, my next horse will be a big, tall warmblood.
Next to the riding we also work with handwork and finding my ‘flow’ in my walk. holding 4 reins at a time does not make that any easier. But slowly getting better. And then I can also train some other horses in groundwork, something I feel more confident about. This is with a lot of thanks to Maria.
And I get to drive Gilda around with her wagon on my free days. Due to disappearing light, it is not possible anymore to do that after work. Yes, it is already completely dark here at 5pm.
I have had the chance to see Monika, Ida and Leonie train. As well as follow the clinics from Arne Koets, Monika and this weekend Bent Branderup. Apparently I have a thing for choosing good times to go somewhere. I also go with Leonie out to see her teach. And like this I see some other areas from Sweden then just this stable. And yes, the beach is close, but I haven’t seen it yet.
And all the work hours get easier thanks to Mikaela. Sharing is caring. Being tired together, laughing, everything is nicer when you share. She is an awesome partner!
Last weekend I was part of a clinic with Noora Ehnqvist. This was the second time that I was part of one. And again it was magical. Noora has a talent for bringing people together that are at a point in their life that they want to un-/discover their true selves. People who mostly as well have a passion for horses, but that is not always the case. It is not often that you can land in an environment where everything ends up being open. Where everybody just respects each other and listens to each other. Where the hole day everybody is present and feels together with the combinations in front of them.
You get to feel and truely see and hear with your heart. You learn where true wisdom lies and how to connect through your heart your knowledge with that wisdom. You learn about the yin in the yang. It is a balance that can be hard to find at first. When you do, you need to learn to trust yourself, your gut and to act to what you feel in right. To not loose yourself in a world where most people are still being lived by just their knowledge and what they think people expect of them. It is not easy to keep finding that balance around people like that.
I met Noora for the first time last year. At that time I was waiting for an answer on an email that might take me to Italy. I decided to go there, to trust my gut. A year later I meet Noora again. This time I just arrived in Sweden. After I spend 3 months in Denmark, where I felt fantastic and met even more fantastic people. So again, I meet Noora at an important time in my life. She gave again insight and connection in and with myself. Something so valuable in life. I felt again myself in this clinic, can go on again and know that whatever I decide to do, or way I decide to go will be the right way. The way that brings me closer with myself and my happiness.
Time to write about my full experience here in Denmark. Especially now that this chapter is closing.
I went to Denmark to meet and learn from Maria. First of all she is an amazing person. And of course she is an amazing, great, fantastic teacher. But that I didn’t know when I left Italy and decided to move there. She hasn’t been taking working students that long yet, but she found a great balance between work, opportunities and free time. Going Denmark, I arrived at a small stable, not that many horses. But I can now say that this is absolutely the way I prefer to have it. Getting to know all the owners, spending time with them, training with them. Everything felt good and natural.
The work wasn’t that hard, as in the summer all horses live outside in the pasture. You have amazing sunrises and settings. You have time to train on your own. Maria gave me one of her horses to train. A little Irish Cob, Isabell. Her and I formed a team where we were looking for a way that she might use her back just slightly more. I remember the first time working with her. And today was the last time we rode and worked together. And she changed a lot. She is still not perfect, but she has more swing, more movement. She has more comments on what you ask her and she likes moving a lot better now. She can now do walk, trot and canter, which makes me proud.
We started out with groundwork and longing. Moved on to riding, expanded my toolbox with a little bit of longreining, which was also new to Isa. And we ended things with handwork. I got lessons in everything. I got to know how to use 4 reins, got introduced to a cavemore and even a kandara is now not something scary anymore. You just always need to realize what you are holding in your hands. They are all just tools to communicate. And communication is always a two way street. When we changed Isa from the cavemore to the kandara, I felt like cheating at first, but we got in less discussion, and that is also nice.
Some clients gave me the honor of training their horses. So my free time changed to training time. And it gave me the opportunity to take lessons with different horses. It gave me different personalities and because of that different ways of training. Different points of views and it keeps you thinking of what might help more with which horse. I got to train a former trotter, Gigi. And nice mare, but one that builds op tension really easy. So relaxation is an important key stone, is she acting or reacting to what you ask of her. I had a jumping horse, Z, to train. Well everybody still thinks me crazy for liking her. She was a challenge, but yes, warmbloods are definitely my most favorite type of horses to work with. I had a PRE to work with, Amistosa. She hadn’t been doing anything for the past few years expect for running in the field. And she made so much progress. She went from a stiff horse that didn’t dare to move her spine to a pretty supple horse. And it is true what they say about those Spanish horses they are incredibly smart. So you must always keep in mind that their body must keep up with their mind. Muscle take sometimes more time to form than the mind needs to get an exercise. And last but not least I got to train a young warmblood, Zeus. He is a tall one, but a fun one. I just love playing around with the young ones, figuring out what it is that they like most to do. And I don’t think I will ever get enough of training young ones. A big thank you to all the owners for all the trust they put in me.
I need to thank maria and her family for putting up with me. For opening up their home to me. To make me feel like part of their family. For eating together, teaching me about movies and upgrading my movie culture. I know I still have a long way to go, but I am on the right track now ;) . I don’t really know how to write down my appreciation for them. For making me feel so at home. It gives so much more to the experience of being a working student. We had so much fun together. Working alongside you Maria, it never gets boring. You are open to changing things for the better and trying out new stuff. You made me use the knowledge that I gained at school and put into something practical and understandable for other people.
THANK YOU Maria!
Now on the way to Sweden, the next adventure. I was originally just planning to go to the weekend clinic of Noora Enqhvist as a friend of mine was helping to organize it. But sometimes life gives you more than a weekend. Soon the weekend changed to a three month stay. So here we go again. I will be the first working student of Leonie. And I am so hard looking forward to learning more from her. I met her in the Netherlands and she has grown so much more since then. So I will be interesting seeing her and her horses again. I am ready, but first a weekend of focusing on mind and body with Noora. Another amazing person. This year has been great. And it keeps on being greater.
Thank you to everybody who makes this year not just great, but amazing.
The first definition I found when I typed it in google was:
1. Recognition of the quality, value, significance, or magnitude of people and things.
2. A judgment or opinion, especially a favorable one.
3. An expression of gratitude.
4. Awareness or delicate perception, especially of aesthetic qualities or values.
5. A rise in value or price, especially over time
For me it is something really important in my life. It is something you can give to people, but it is as well something you can receive. And you don’t have to say it out loud for anybody to know that it is there. I try to give as much appreciation as I can. I appreciate my parents for giving me chances my hole life long. They might not always understand my every move, but just for that small thingy, it makes me appreciate them even more. I appreciate my sister, who is of course the best in the world, for always being my sister and all the fun times together. i appreciate the people that give me chances, that listen to me or talk to me about big things or small things.
In this year as a working student, I have met and will hopefully meet a lot of people. I was already in Italy, and I am now in Denmark. Both places are completely different. But when you’re working somewhere, for me it is important to feel appreciated. As for me, when I do a job, I want to be good at it, I put my all in it. Which with horse’s is really the only way, because you are taking care of other people’s ‘babies’. And for me, when I don’t get that feeling of appreciation, I start to dislike the job I am doing and you can’t do it anymore with the hole of you.
And when you work with horses, you must always appreciate their honesty. As you see, they can’t lie. They can just tell you very kind what you might do or ask wrong and our task is to listen. And you must appreciate that honesty, because you always get back what you give.
I have been here in Denmark now for little over a month and I cannot believe it has been that long! only one big month left before the next adventure. And I learned more things here then just things about horses, I am now as well good with all different kinds of apple pies and apple cakes. Just don’t eat everything you make is a smart advise.
I think it is about time that I tell about my first weeks in Denmark. I like it here. It brought me back to what I love about horses. Creating a good basic so you can give them a body that can do amazing things.
I spent my days here by doing some stable work, feeding horses, cutting grass and having lessons from Maria. When I have free time, I go to the mall, to the beach, watch netflix, study, train my horse here again but most of all I make sure to have a great time.
I found a good direction again. Going back to what I fell in love with when I was with Ylvie. Keeping space in my head for the connection, for having a small plan in my head. For going out and see old friends again. I am in love with life at the moment and therefor I like myself a lot more. These first 2 weeks here at Maria’s place gave me back what I was losing. A better view into the horse’s body, a better feel of when something is good and when something is less good, to teach a horse and to be taught by somebody that knows what she is doing from her heart. I even learn more then just about horses. I found a road again that will lead somewhere, somewhere that I can go to with my heart as well.
Today I sewed my first cavesson, Oh Kiki wait until I make yours! You will look even more stunning my little princess. As well did I go to a birthday party last Saturday of a friend I met far far away on the other side of the world. And after a long time we were actually again in the same country. It was amazing seeing her again and meeting her husband. I am sure I will see more of her here while i am here. Great time to catch up.