:(

Carson McGregor Don't even try to speak to me until I've had my coffee... And even then, don't try to speak to me. Thanks.

[grumpycatcarson-blog]

“Okay.” Carson had mumbled this to herself at least fifteen times now in front of the mirror. Amir was waiting downstairs and she knew that the longer she took, the less time they’d have to get what he needed for the article. Maybe she was stalling for that reason, that they’d have less time. Damn it. Okay! She’d admit it, she was nervous. The dress, the hair, the whole thing. She felt stupid and nervous and above all else, she just hoped no one would recognise her tonight. Chances were slim of course. She’d distanced herself from that side of her family, from that side of her life.

Not even Amir knew that about her. Let it stay that way.

Okay. If she stayed staring at herself any longer she was going to chicken out and if it were anyone else’s job on the line, she wouldn’t have cared. But it wasn’t, it was his. Carson took one last breath before forcing herself out of the bathroom, never feeling more self conscious and made her feet move one in front of the other. Focus, focus, focus. She clip clopped down the stairs, trying not to step on the dress or draw too much attention to the leg slit or the dress in general (x).

It was embarrassing the way she stopped when she saw him. The way she forgot about what she was wearing, what she looked like because she was too busy staring at him. At what he looked like. Carson looked at Amir at least five days a week but not...not like this... That. He looked--- She had to stop staring. Maybe they both had to stop staring.

“What?” @kanye-amir​

[fyeahtheboldtype]

“Well, I don’t feel like myself, but that’s not always such a bad thing.”

[lifeinpoetry]

That look seized hold of her heart: / desire is terrible.

Euripides, from Hippolytos, Grief Lessons: Four Plays tr. Anne Carson  (via lifeinpoetry)

[grumpycatcarson-blog]

kanye-amir​:

“Thank you” He snickered. “Don’t worry, I’ll post it everywhere and even print it out for my desk.” That was the the quickest way in the grave, without a doubt. Bringing his phone back to him, he smiled at the picture. He had to admit, it was an actually nice photo. He set it as his background photo, if they were really going to do this, he needed to make it seem like they were actually dating, and with modern relationships, well she had no choice. Regardless of if Carson backed out, it was still a great background photo in his mind. “Maybe I’ll set it as my screensaver” he shrugged, now he was just pulling her leg. Obviously, he wouldn’t do that, it would embarrass her and as much as he loved giving her a hard time, he wouldn’t do that.

Her shock was clearly visible for him but what he didn’t think about was the rest of the office. He knew he’d draw some kind of attention for the whole of the office to stop and stare. He glanced around, “I’m so damn sorry, I didn’t think they’d all stop” he whispered afterwards. Amir frowned, shaking his head, a small pout crossing his face “please don’t, you’re staying on mine… I shouldn’t be off yours… even if I possibly add your photo to the cover of mine so that I can prove to everyone we’re friends.” Amir let out a small a sigh as she began to pull away. He squeezed her hands before letting them go. Yeah, this was not going to work out for him in the long run huh. How was he going to tell his parents he was dying because of his job. Actually he was more worried about Carson, how she was dealing with all the attention, and if she was going to hate him for it all.

“Wait,” he hesitated. What was she saying. Was he hearing things correctly? “W- Actually? You’re actually doing this with me? And for me? You heard me correctly right? Like, you heard the whole plan and you know it’s probably gonna be more than just once? Like you’re stuck with me Carson, really stuck. Now I don’t wanna give you an out but I just really want you to actually agree” He rushed. Maybe he hadn’t thought about it. He assumed he would have to convince her more not get an okay on the first try. Amir laughed at her joke, “I’m sure you’d look lovely in any wedding dress you’d wear on our day” he grinned, waggling his brows. He shook his head, “ fine but we’re pretty womaning you and me and we can fake rich laugh to all the store owners who ever rejected us.” There were some lies there. “Wow, we’re dating now. Fake, but still dating.”

Carson shook her head in response to his apology. It was fine, really. As much as she did want the ground to swallow her, as much as she really did hate the attention, she knew he didn't mean anything by it. Amir would never do anything to intentionally hurt her and that meant more than a little accidental embarassing ever could so she shrugged it off. Besides, apologies made her uncomfortable. “The downside of being so popular,” she half smiled. Somewhat smiled. He was just so...attentive of her which was a lot (good or bad, she didn't know – or didn't want to know. Either way, the sooner everyone got back to their own work and business, the better.

“I- Yes, I heard you. I might wish I could unhear you right about now but...,” the more he rambled on the more she had to fight off one of those annoying, genuine smiles of hers. Carson would have done anything for Amir, if she were being honest but she definitely wasn't ever going to be honest. Not like that. She couldn't have him thinking they were best friends or anything (of course they were). Or... Or maybe she just didn't want to think about how much he meant to her because that was a lot – in a very scary way. Point was, she rolled her eyes and heaved and sighed like it was such a strain on her but yes, of course. She said yes.

She canted her head, took in a breath and raised both her eyebrows at him. “Our desks have been together for years, you're the only person I eat lunch with and you once had to bring all my work home for me when I had that gross flu like we were in high school or something. I can handle spending time with you. I can handle-,” she tried to say it, 'dating', but she couldn't, “This assignment with you. If I can handle the loser trolls that have tweeted about my important and impassioned thank you very much, articles... I can handle anything.” Then, she lowered her voice conspiratorially, “If I could handle being the V Devil's assistant, I can handle anything.” She laughed at his wedding comments, about their uber rich personas-to-be. Laughed enough that she felt slightly less self conscious about the whole thing, really.

Carson rolled her eyes again for good measure. “Mhm, congratulations.”

[grumpycatcarson-blog]

kanye-amir​:

“So…plain black suit is now obviously out of the question. This sounds like we are going to need a lot of jewelry” He trailed off, glancing around. As Carson talked about choking on shrimp puffs and fancy fancy, he side eyed her. For a girl who seemed to not want to place herself in any situation calling for dealing with ‘vapid one percenter’s’, her words, he doubted they were all like that; she seemed to know a bit about them. He shrugged, maybe watching Gossip Girl or 90210 was her hidden past time and she wasn’t ready to admit it to them. He wasn’t going to push her about it, he was already clumsily skating on thin ice getting her here in the first place. “Right. What a good magazine worker you are, reading the fashion section,” he grinned. “What, no sparkly pants? How rude,” he joked. Was he allowed to ask her to get a dress with a slit? Then again he had already asked her to do a lot. “I mean I was just thinking one on the side of you leg, so you could do that like power pose with the leg thingy, but I mean if you’re not comfortable…” he trailed.

Amir was like a puppy and here Carson was kicking him. She was evil but it wasn’t on purpose, you know? Her attitude. Maybe it was even a little Amir’s fault, after all, Carson had never wanted any friends. He was the persistent one. The kind one. The one who brought her black coffees with too many sugars whenever she’d had a shitty day running after Valentina back when they started. She was trying but it was hard. “I’m a great magazine worker, thank you very much,” she quipped, pushing past to browse some appropriately dazzling suit jackets. Carson frowned as he back tracked, ever attentive of her feelings and boundaries of which there were none and many. Damn it. Puppy. “A tasteful leg slit is fine,” she said waving a dismissive hand before turning back to him, three different jackets in tow. “Here, try these with the purple, blue and white shirts. Jewellery is a good play. Rings, maybe some cuff links. Do our loving Overlord bosses know this is all going on the company card?”

[grumpycatcarson-blog]

Carson ➳ Noah

Noah: You've met Jasmin, you know that doesn't mean anything

Noah: I tried! I'm sorry Carson...

Noah: And honestly it's kind of a good article idea

Noah: Shopping trip? Do you people not already have clothes

Noah: Nope, I'm not accepting any bills

Noah: Don't make me give you guys a limit

Carson: Okay, you may have a point since Jasmin and Amir are 100% co-conspirators but still!

Carson: It's fine

Carson: I mean, I'll hold a grudge for the rest of time but it's fine really

Carson: You can take it up with Amir. The company card is a very mysterious device x

[grumpycatcarson-blog]

Carson ➳ Noah

Noah: What /ever/ do you mean?

Noah: Does anyone ever know what he actually does?

Noah: Him and Jaz live in a world of their own

Noah: But yes... I did ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Noah: Decisions were made before I could object

Carson: You are literally the boss, it is your job to know

Carson: I knew it

Carson: TRAITOR

Carson: Well, I hope you're happy because now I have to go on a shopping trip for some "A List" pretentious gala thing or whatever.

Carson: I'll send you the bill

[midsommars-deactivated20201109]

[grumpycatcarson-blog]

Halston Sage Before The 2019 Vanity Fair Oscar Party

[grumpycatcarson-blog]

kanye-amir.

“Is it? Are there seriously different types of fancy? I just always thought that fancy was just… you know, Carr, fancy. Jazzy?  I want all the sparkle for you! I mean, I can’t wear sparkle, you’ll do it for me. Kidding. I do want you to shine though, you’ll already get the attention you deserve once you step into the room, but I want you to like get all the attention. Would you be up for a slit?”

"Yeah, there's different types of fancy. You want the 'aesthetic' of being the ultra-rich- an effortless, vapid one percenter- then you have to step it up a notch from just some suit and tie. Or dress and heels. You're gonna be under the microscope of every prying, judgemental eye and if you want to make sure they choke on their shrimp puffs, then you have to be fancy fancy." Carson paused, fighting the horrified look that wanted to creep onto her face as she explained all of...that. She'd always kept her childhood vague- her family and so forth and she didn't want it spilling out now of all places. Shaking her head, she waved a dismissive hand. "Or so the fashion section of our beloved magazine would say. Anyways, you can sparkle if you want to. On the jacket only though. ---A slit where?"

[grumpycatcarson-blog]

Okay just be real with me right now, Amir. How fancy fancy do you wanna be here? “A-list couple” is pretty vague when you think about it. Do you want to do classic black tie or something more...bleugh...jazzy? Just so I know what I’m getting into sparkle-wise.

@kanye-amir

[grumpycatcarson-blog]

this is what i have for the carmir moodboard so far & it’s so funny gfehdj

[grumpycatcarson-blog]

Carson ➳ Noah

Carson: Hello, traitor.

Carson: Did YOU know about Amir's latest assignment?

[grumpycatcarson-blog]

kanye-amir,

To anyone listening, her ‘thank you’ might’ve seemed inconclusive, but he took it as a confirmation. It was the closest thing he felt like he would get from her, regardless of if they were in a public place or not. If Amir wanted her to explicitly state the fact that the two were in fact best friends, he would have to trick the words out of her mouth. He had yet to get there. For now he was content with the fact that she hadn’t pushed him away. Or maybe she had and he had ignored it, both highly possible. Grinning back at her, within a split moment his phone was out and taking pictures of the semi-smile. It was the closest thing he had. His camera being a few feet away on his desk. But by the time he would’ve left to come back, there would be no traces of such a response. Having back it up. He trusted her but he wasn’t stupid, Amir turned his phone to show her the best one. “Don’t you look so cute with that little smile on your face” he gushed.

It was times like these when Amir wished he had the ability to read thoughts. But if you can read thoughts can you chose who at what time or does it flood? Regardless it would have been perfect. He couldn’t tell how Carson felt. On the outside she seemed calm but was the actually? For all he knew she was excited. Not. She was probably plotting his death but Amir wanted to know. Not how he would die but whether her calm appearance had any truth behind it. He leaned against the free space in her desk, realizing this would take more time than he had thought or planned. Not that he minded. “Uh, agree to disagree ma’am. Sounds like we’re government spies and who didn’t want to be one growing up. I still want to.” He sighed, his hands waving around to stress his point. Amir blinked realizing she either didn’t get where he was going or she had chose to completely ignore it. “I think that’s one of those things we’d have to figure out but it’s okay I’ve started the research. Not a lot of work on your part. Obviously starting with dressing like an A-list couple.” He nodded. A small smirk finding itself across his face when he noted the breath. Obviously now she was just choosing to ignore it. “I think you know what I mean Carson but for the sake of being transparent,” choosing to be dramatic about it especially because Amir had it scheduled for the day he’d be down on his knees, he dropped to the floor. Both knees on the floor, hands engulfing hers. He didn’t need anyone thinking they were getting engaged. One knee had been the initial plan, he couldn’t throw Carson under that bus too. “Carson McGregor, will you be my girlfriend?”

“You are the reason that technology is ruining this country,” she huffed as he all but gushed in her own face. Carson couldn't help rolling her eyes at the photo, clearly not seeing this quote-unquote “little smile” he claimed was there. It had been like a game almost. She'd been too quick to say something like 'you'll never see me smile' to him back when they were interns and he had taken it upon himself to catch her in a lie. The worst part was, Amir was actually the only person around here who made her feel like genuinely smiling which of course only made it all the more annoying. Promptly ignoring his comment, she waited for him to clarify on their assignment (see, she was already thinking about it as theirs and she hadn't even said yes yet. Amir was the worst). Carson shouldn't have made him clarify.

Whatever she was going to say about government spies and how there was still time for him to be recruited out of this office was lost the second his knees hit the ground. It was stupid. So completely, incredibly, stupid but for the briefest of seconds she thought he might actually be proposing or something. Why did he always have to choose to be dramatic? Why did they have to work in an open plan space? Why was everyone staring? That wasn't the worst part though. When he took her hands (for the effect, of course) she almost felt...something. Shock. Yeah, it was the shock definitely. That's what had made her breath hitch and her heart stop for at least half a second. Amir was big on affection and he was big on looking at her with unwavering interest and intensity- it was nothing new- but... It was the shock. “I'm taking you off my Christmas card list,” she said, frowning, “And yours was the only name on it.” Carson scared off a blush and instead rolled her eyes again, slowly removing her hands from his with much more hesitance than she should have. The worst.

“Yes,” she stage-whispered, “I'll... I'll do the assignment with you.” If she played it cool then the ground maybe wouldn't open up and swallow her. “Now, please, get up before someone puts a misleading photo on Facebook and my mom manages to get in touch with me to complain about not being invited to the wedding.” Sarcasm helped, it made this feel normal again. Amir was just being Amir and Carson was just being Carson. “But don't expect me to be happy about the shopping scene montage you clearly just hinted at doing.”

[grumpycatcarson-blog]

kanye-amir:

Regardless of how little it actually looked like he paid attention to others, if there was one person Amir took pride in reading and actually took the time to read it was her. Amir was far from nailing the language of Carson McGregor but he was closer than when he had started, and that in itself was a victory. The point was Amir could sort of tell what was happening but Carson was such a mystery he could only half predict. And his first prediction that she wouldn’t up front reject him like everyone else had predicted she would. He was disappointed that people had such little hope in him, in them, and mainly her. Carson might not have cared about her reputation in the office but he did. Maybe it was why Amir sometimes was a notch more around her, but the world needed to know she wasn’t all that bad. She had stood him for this long so regardless of whether she wanted to admit it or not, she really wasn’t as bad as everyone made her out to seem. Even if she lied about only tolerating him. But she didn’t do feelings, so if it tolerate was all she said, he knew she meant more. At least he hoped she meant more. Amir wasn’t one to push but no way in hell had they been friends this long just for him to be tolerated. “You’re my bestie, so I’ll ignore the fact that you think tolerating is as far as this friendship goes” Softly patting her shoulders. She could be in denial for all he cared.

“I mean if you really don’t think it’ll help, then I guess not.” Although he had prepared his groveling speech just in case and he would keep it as a last beg resort. Amir noted the fact that she was still not shutting him down and he had to be grateful. He dropped the notepad into his lap, rubbing his hands together. “Get this Carr, we’d be going undercover. That itself should get you to agree. Anyway, undercover right, and it’d be about how to be an A List couple in our lovely city. Nothing bad, should be loads of fun.”

“Thank you.” Carson offered him something akin to smile to make up for the fact she wasn't about to confirm nor deny the fact that were besties. Of course they were but there was every chance that if she ever did mention it, he would quite literally explode and honestly, who was going to clean that up? Or teach the world which yoga poses would change their posture for the better? Either way, in their open plan office was not the place for it. She was grateful though. As much as he deserved more from her he seemed content enough to not push it. After all, she'd been crystal clear from the moment they met that she wasn't the warmest of people and she would be just fine by herself, thank you very much. Some days 'fine' wouldn't have cut it though especially back when they'd started out (interning had been a real bitch) so again, she was grateful.

Then he finally spit it out and she could feel herself become less and less grateful with every passing moment. She'd hand it to him, Amir knew how to make things sounds appealing. Fun, even but she'd come to know better. Her tolerance for being dragged along for goofy assignments or drinks or (ugh, the horror) dancing was there but this... This sounded like much more than a few hours kind of thing. No, this sounded like the kind of assignment that dragged on. Carson sipped on her coffee as she replayed exactly how he'd described his proposal, picking out the parts she would hate the most when she cut through the initial 'how to' implications and realised what he meant. “Calling it 'undercover' doesn't make it sound any cooler, you know,” it did, “I... I'm just a little confused on where I fit in here? Do you need help tracking down an A List couple or...? You'd have better luck asking Jasmin about that than me. I'm pretty sure she knows everybody. Or did you want me to put in a word with Valentina?” That would make sense, why he was making such a big deal about this because he knew all too well just how much she had suffered at her former bosses hand. She admired her enormously but god, what a nightmare. Of course, what Carson was doing was avoiding the obvious answer. He'd said: we'd be going undercover. We. She sucked in a breath before looking up at him. “How do you be an A-List couple?”

[grumpycatcarson-blog]

kanye-amir:

Maybe he should have waited. In hindsight, waiting seemed right. Good things come to those who wait and all those other wise words about patience and- so at the moment he could really only think of one. Either way even with the idea of waiting lingering, Amir knew that no amount of time passing would make it any easier or make Carson any more likely to agree to it. The fact that he had hesitated when signing her up with him should have been enough to tell him this was in fact a stupid idea, yet that didn’t stop him and her rejection wouldn’t either. Though it made it 100% harder to get on with planning and writing the story without her approval. A sheepish smile sat, very uncomfortably, on his face. Maybe cheesy would make her persuaded. He at least should have waited for her to finish the coffee, but again with Carson one second later and her whole day could have been in the trash. “You know I love you Carr, like seriously love you and I know you love me too which is why it would do you no good to murder me. And must I say, there’s witnesses around.” His hand swept around to show the eyes of their ear-dropping peers.

“It’s not just funny, it’s hilariously true. Like so true, it’s reality. And by reality, I mean our reality.” He nodded. They both knew he shouldn’t repeat it. Repeating it would make no difference. “I will get on my knees and grovel right here too. I just really need you to partner with me for a story that we have already agreed to.”

A snappy 'I hate you' hung on the tip of her tongue but she couldn't quite bring herself to say it. Instead, she blinked in feigned disbelief at him (of course she could believe he'd do this, it was Amir) and did her best to ignore their ear-dropping peers. Carson did not have many friends. Actually, she might have been speaking to her only proper one right now and while she wanted to say no, could and should also say no- no way, nuh uh, never-, she was hesitating. In fact, what's worse is that his minor display of cheesy PDA had made her feel just a little embarrassed? Maybe not quite embarrassed but she suddenly found herself breaking her usual scolding eye contact. The thing was that this was about work. That's how they'd met, both interning at the same time and they'd both become fully fledged employees and writers at the same time so she knew how important work was. She did. But Amir and her could not have been more different in what they did. Carson liked to support him from a distance, read his articles when no one was looking and she certainly had no desire to be a part of one. "I...tolerate you. You're tolerable," she managed before her eyes narrowed so slightly. Oh boy.

"Please... If you do nothing else for me in our entire lives just, don't get on your knees and grovel. I don't think I could take having to watch it on fifty different Insta stories." Time for a different tactic. Not quite agreeing, Carson at least picked her coffee back up before asking the question, "What is the story about, Amir?"

[grumpycatcarson-blog]

kanye-amir:

Amir was sure she would kill him. Not literally but if there was a kill list, which he was almost 100% sure Carson had, by the end of the day, he would be on the top of it. It wasn’t the first time the man had signed Carson up for something she didn’t want to do, but it was always something short committed, not one of his own projects. Not to mention, he had proposed the idea himself so quite literally the whole thing was his fault. He tapped against the notepad he held for his protection, as he approached her desk. What it would help against, who knew. “Hey Carr” he grinned, his face blatantly hinting that something was up. “So…” he trailed off, taking a seat at the edge of her desk, “I may have signed you up as my partner to do a story with me that involves us doing a lot, like a lot, of things. Don’t kill me. How’s your day?” He rushed, lifting the pad to hide his face.

Carson knew before she could even have one sip of her coffee (black, no milk, no creamer but a butt-load of sugar) that he had gone and done something. What he'd done she couldn't be sure of but knowing Amir it wasn't going to be something good. Certainly not something she'd want to hear about and yet... To anyone else listening, 'hey Carr' may have sounded like just another friendly, day-to-day greeting but to her, it was nothing short of confirmation. He had definitely done something. Carson took in a long suffering breath as she slowly set her to-go cup down on her desk and even more slowly, she looked up at him perched on said desk, causing trouble. The extra time was for her own benefit although she'd never admit it because he just had this...way about him. The grin might have had something to do with it, if she was exposed too long she often found herself somehow, some way dragged along to this or that, doing her damnedest not to participate. This, unfortunately, had a different feel to it. Deciding the silence she'd let build had gone on long enough, Carson finally spoke.

"That's funny, it almost sounds like you just said that you signed me up as your partner to do a story," she pressed her lips together, brows raised towards him, "But that might just be my day talking. Cab I took in this morning had the radio blasting about a hundred decibels so my ears still might be in the first phases of recovery so... Could you repeat that?"

[taylortownsend]