I like having my life stressful and having too many things to do at the same time yet the thing im SUPPOSED to do overwhelms me all the time. Isnt something wrong with me?
Like currently I'll say I like programming, writing, helping my dad with business and learning new languages. But what i am supposed to do is study science and maths for college exams since i have to enter the country's best college. Doing all of the other things all together seems to make me happy and content but studying in a desk with the pressure to succeed at all costs give me stress.
What if I fail? How will I face everyone? Am I even worth to dream this big? Is this really what I want to do? But I must. Cause thats what I was always told to do.
If someone asked me what I regret the most and want to change, it will be that time when as a child I told my parents I want to go to the best college in the country and study computer science. Cause if I hadn't said that, perhaps it would have been easier to think about what I want to do.
The things I recklessly said as a child, have been influencing the way I think ever since. Now I wonder whether I actually want to become a computer engineer and go to the best college or do I only want to do that cause thats what was always expected of me.
I dont know if I can take the pressure of the best college thing yet. Its about time i get used to it but I still can't. Every time I think of it, I see so many people who are so much more smarter than me. Who are so much more capable of me. With so many people who are so much more worthy than me, do I dare dream this big?
