It’s been four months since that happened with my friend. Since then a lot of shit happened in my life but he also continued to call me bitchy. We didn’t talk much for a while and I felt guilty for enjoying that so much.
Then we gor on a call and I made sure I was in a good mood and not to take anything seriously and just laugh everything off. It was nice for two nights. I was a bit bitter that we hadn’t talked about our apparent issues but two days felt like how we used to be and I had hoped we could just move on. Then the third night he starts again. I don’t remember why. I don’t think I ever got it. I asked him why, he kept his routine of “just because you are. You are in general bitchy.” And it fucking hurt. I snapped and said “ok if you think that then whatever.” We didn’t talk about that afterwards either.
Distance started again. I didn’t contact him and neither did he for weeks. I was really hurt and thinking about how I should talk with him about it but I was too afraid in the end and didn’t do it. It’s not a good reason but I know that he takes everything personally and instead of discussing he gets so defensive. Whenever I tried to implement my own boundaries I had to listen to him make negative remarks about my mood etc.
I stopped talking about my interest with him and felt so much better until one day he told me he wanted to move or travel to a specific country. Which is fine but that country is the one I was so interested in for years that I started learning the language on my own and then make it my main focus in university. He knows that. And it would’ve been fine if he came to me and was like “I totally get why you like that country it’s so cool and xyz” But he didn’t.
Instead he lectured me about things he read which I was like: “Yes, I learned that in my first history class?” And then said since I speak the language almost fluently now I should give him my books and teach him. I thought he was joking and made a throwaway comment about if he wants to learn it he should start on his own and look for classes. Because he never liked it when I had used phrases of that language around him and always made dismissing remarks about it. He can’t even say hello in that language and expects me now to teach him for free? I always have to listen to him fake gagging or negative comments about my interests. And when I don’t take him asking me to teach him the language he used to dismiss seriously he brings it up weeks later saying that I reacted all pissy and bitchy.
If I like museums? Fake snoring. I like poetry? How could one subject themselves to such horrors? I love to go to the theatre? Sooo boring. I learn french? Fake gagging. Learn the other language? Just weird. Loving to study and wanting to go to uni? Why do that when you can learn everything yourself? At least he apparently can because he thinks he doesn’t need teachers.
I’m so done with it. I know it seems like nothing but it’s been piling up for years now and it’s just too much now. Because it’s every. Single. Time.
And lately he is being even weirder. When we were planning meet-up times in our gaming group he repeatedly said he had to get up even earlier than usual during the week soon because he had things planned. I asked once and he didn’t want to say. I accepted that because I’m not feeling that close to him anymore and can actually sometimes mind my own business. But he still kept saying it afterwards a few times when it absolutely wasn’t necessary.
And then there are the drivers lessons. We are both adults and because I’m from the countryside I like most people there got my license when I was a late teen. Him as a city kid never got it but always said how he’ll get his license “soon”. Well soon is now apparently and he tried to keep it secret for a while. Which is weird but sure. I was happy for him and asked a few general questions about it to be polite. And then he started with his “I had one driving lesson but I have achieved maximum knowledge and know better than you in every way” status. I get that he feels mature now for doing this milestone but I’ve been driving for almost a decade in a lot of different cars… I know my way around them better than he does. I don’t need him to explain me the basics of driving stick when I’ve been again, doing that for almost a decade.
It’s just so infuriating when it constantly feels like he tries to one up me or be better. We can’t talk about cars in a normal way and be just excited, no he has to be the one doing the lecturing.
I used to be able to overlook those things but now they just constantly get on my nerves. It was tough coming to terms with it but I think this friendship is drifting apart and for my own sanity it might be better that way. I wish him all the best in life but I think he has a lot of growing up and soul searching to do.
