2026 will be our second year hosting the Shakarian Mini-Bang â a fan event for writers and artists, all about our favourite space commander and turian rebel!
What is a mini-bang? A mini bang is a variation of a fandom big bang â an event in which artists and writers collaborate on their works. Big bangs usually require writers to write longer works. Mini bangs require a lower word count, hence the âmini.â
Participating authors will each write a fanfiction of 5,000 words or more. Halfway through the event, the stories will be claimed by artists on a first come-first served basis. Each artist will create (at least) one piece of accompanying fanart for their story. After that, we can start posting our collaborations for all Shakarian fans to enjoy. Meet us at the bar!
Author sign-ups open March 20th! You can see the full 2026 schedule under the cut.
Author sign-ups open: March 20
Author sign-ups close: March 28 (at 11:59pm GMT)
Fics due: May 8 (by 11:59pm GMT)
Fic summaries announced: May 11
Artist sign-ups open: May 15
Artist sign-ups close: May 22 (at 11:59pm GMT) or when all fics are claimed
Artworks due: June 19 (by 11:59pm GMT)
Posting of works begins: July 3
If you can, please reblog this announcement post so it can reach more Shakarian fans and creatives. Meet us at the bar!
DuckDuckGo's new search feature comes as the internet is being flooded with AI-generated slop.
The filter relies on manually curated open-source blocklists, including the ânuclearâ list, provided by uBlockOrigin and uBlacklist Huge AI Blocklist,â DuckDuckGo said in a post on X. âWhile it wonât catch 100% of AI-generated results, it will greatly reduce the number of AI-generated images you see.
Another tip for DDG - if you want to permanently get rid of DDG's AI features (which you can turn off in settings, but only temporarily) - for now you can just use noai.duckduckgo.com as your search engine. Works as advertised in the name.
Calling all artists, animators, and fans of fun and useful pose references! In 2 weeks time I will be taking part in @adorkastock & Friends' MASSIVE Group Poses for Artists Shoot.
We've got a bunch of models of different sizes and shapes, more props than you can shake a stick at (including bows, a pole and a POOL), and two full days of shooting to get as many reference photos as we possibly can. It's gonna be awesome, and there will be some PHENOMENAL references coming out of this.
If you'd like to pre-order Photo packs, you have until the 25th October. Get them here:
A group of experienced pose reference models coming together with professional photographers for a weekend long epic group photoshoot to mak
In the meantime, as a taster, here are some of the photos from last time I collaborated with @null-entity (who's also part of this project!) Enjoy!
(You can find the rest of these sets in my Patreon Shop)
My favourite bit of BG3 lore is that Withers is legitimately responsible for the Dead Three, but he's probably too embarrassed to tell you, so every time you ask him to elaborate he just gives you a very stern, "Noooo."
I also love that the reason he's responsible for their uprising is because he got bored. He literally got bored of his position as Lord of the Dead and wanted to retire, so when these three morally questionable humans came looking for godhood he was like, "Hmmm. Yes, okay. Here. Take my portfolios. Fight over them. I don't care. I quit."
So after bowling with skulls in a friendly competition to decide who would get what portfolio, they took up his powers and wreaked havoc on the world. Only at that moment did Jergal, AKA Withers, AKA our precious Bone Daddy think, "I'm just now, internally, asking myself, in quite a worried way, whether I might've made an error."
So he joins your merry band and watches your escapades, calmly twiddling his fingers while you clean up his mess. He's happy to lend his aid, even to the point that he'll bring Durge back to life if they reject Bhaal, even though he technically shouldn't. But he's Withers. The rules don't apply to him. If Ao doesn't like it, he can descend from the Heavens and say it to his rotting face.
And the reason he saves Durge isn't necessarily because he likes them or because he's a morally good entity (though one certainly could make that argument), but because he wants to add insult to injury. He steals Bhaal's child with a big smile on his face, dubs them his Chosen, and praises them for rejecting all the power they were promised. But of course, he still doesn't tell them who he isâor rather who he was.
Then, when all is said and done, he throws Tav and their companions a cute little party. No one knows it's probably half a thank you party and half a "Withers is bored again" party. And if anyone misbehaves, he'll get irritated and whisk them away. Because how dare they? He put a lot of work into that.
And at the end of it all, he walks up to a mural of the Dead Three and basically goes, "Lmao. Thou didst fuck around, and thou didst find out." Just savagely roasting them.
Hello hope youre doing well!! Ive been fascinated with your art since forever and i got back into digital art recently, i was wondering if perhaps you would have some tips for rendering on digital?? I feel like the possibilities are endless its hard not to get overwhelmed and scrap everything i do. Feel free to ignore if you dont have the time, either way i hope you have an amazing day !! <3333
Teehee thank you very much!
Aside from digital art, I have great experience with traditional mediums, mostly tempera and some gouache. My render entirely comes from there.
My fav technique is about keeping large shapes in the same value and add movement or details within them using various hues and tones to avoid it looking like a large boring patch of a single colour akin to something I used to do with traditional media. Also I omit details on everything in shadow. I don't really seek rendering the 3d part, I'm a decorative graphic flats enjoyer :p
Example below: You can exactly tell apart the dark and light parts but also it has minimal volume and movement from cooler colours to warmer ones
It's one way to approach itđ€·But again, I don't like working much with depth and volume
I recommend to look up your favorite artists and pay good attention to their render. Then do a study (doesn't have to be a 1:1 copy, studies in that case are about understanding the method. Like, you can draw fanart and simply stick to the painting style of the artist you're studying and that would count) and decide for yourself if you find that method fun or not.
Spoiler: you'll find out most methods will revolve around working with the border between lit parts and the shadow.
Art is about enjoying the process rather than anticipating the satisfaction of the result! Good luck!
â ïž WARNING: spoilers for Astarion's storyline! â ïž
I usually keep the spawn alive, but I was doing an evil-ish run. I also forgot to meet up with the Gur before entering Baldur's Gate. For some reason, this scene felt more impactful because of it. Not sure why.
Anyway, it's a bloody powerful scene and the voice actors did a phenomenal job. Ugh, I love this game so damn much.
âAstarion ending as the Vampire Ascendant is the correct ending for him, because it is what he wants.â
That is a claim Iâve been seeing pop up more and more often these days. And I think itâs both a very bold and a very odd claim to make.
But first things first: Hello, Iâm a licensed social worker! So far, Iâve worked with children, refugees and youths with behavioural issues stemming from bullying and or abuse.
Please be aware that I will be mentioning different kinds of abuse, coping mechanisms, and victim/abuser relationships. If any of this is difficult for you, donât force yourself through it. My jabbering about a traumatised vampire is not worth your wellbeing, not ever.
I will, however try to stick to Astarion and not use other examples. If, in any case, I do use a non-Astarion example, Iâll add a warning beforehand so that you can skip the part. And Iâll make it clear what will be discussed in the next bit, so that you have a chance to skip it entirely.
This is an effort to make this as accessible as possible for everyone that wants to indulge on a mad womanâs rambling â and I know thereâs a few people that like this sort of stuff!
And, uh, there's obviously spoilers for all three acts. Serious spoilers, even.
Before I can get into the whole âwhy Astarion didnât really want to ascend,â we need to understand him a little more. And to understand this pretty boyâs brain, we first need to understand the gist of what weâre talking about when we throw around the word âabuse.â
âAbuseâ is when someone is treated with cruelty, violence, or neglect â often to bad effect â on a regular basis. Repetitively. Checkâs out for Astarion, Iâd say, but we all knew that already. I mean, if one thing was obvious, it was this.
1. Astarions Abuse
Next we need to look at what kind of abuse Astarion faced over his long years of torment, seeing as different types of abuse will have different effects on the victim.
Not that that is anything we have to worry about with him â Astarion won the abuse lottery, to put it bluntly. In a horrible game of fate, he got everything. He himself indirectly mentions all the types of abuse he faced, albeit never using the correct terms.
The first we properly notice â fitting, seeing as it is often the most obvious form of abuse â is the physical abuse. Astarions scars are probably the biggest tell Larian could shove down our throats, only underlined by Astarionâs tale about the night itself. About how Cazador âmisspelled somethingâ every time he flinched or screamed and had to do âmany corrections. On top of this, Cazador locked Astarion up for months on end and tortured him â or had him tortured â on a regular basis both as a rite and as a punishment.
Next up, we have the fact that Astarion was forced to basically prostitute himself repeatedly. This is what we call sexual exploitation.
âI spent two hundred years using my body to lure pretty things back for my Master.â â Act 2
Two hundred years is a long time, filled with great many people. Now, we donât know how many of those people actually tapped into the sexual exploitation and how many he could just lure back with other means, but the fact that it happened a lot is undeniable.
Next we have a form of abuse that we often disregard in adults: Neglect. It sounds odd, I know, saying that a fully grown adult was neglected. They can care for themselves, can they not?
Well. Yes and no.
Adult neglect is proceeded by the condition that one adult has to lean on another adult to fulfil their needs for whatever reason. This could be anything, from disability to income-based issues. Â
Seeing as Astarion had absolutely nothing, while Cazador had everything, we can assume this was the case. Cazador had the house, the money, the power. Astarion owns but one pair of clothes, assumedly, that he has fixes over and over again. Fair to say, thatâs pretty neglectful. (And itâs one more reason to shower the guy in pretty armour and camp clothes. Go ham, people.)
Last we have the form of abuse we actually get to witness later in the game â emotional abuse.
Once again, itâs undeniable that this happened. Especially since weâre all seeing it in the flesh upon meeting Cazador in his crypt.
âHave you no respect for yourself?â
âI strove for perfection in all things. Even those as imperfect as you.â
âA pity you amounted to so little, despite my efforts.â
âA pathetic little boy who never amounted to anything.â
All Act 3, Crypt
Here we have just a few examples of things Cazador throws in his face. Itâs like reading a textbook on emotional abuse, this one (and itâs definitely a reason to throw hands).
Blaming the victim, keeping their sense of self and their self-worth as tiny as possible to make them cower and flee. A true classic.
This pretty much shows that Astarion suffered all forms of abuse we commonly see and it is implied â once again by Astarion himself â that at least a few of those instances were ritualistic.
Now, what does that mean exactly? Well, I fear I need to use a real example here, so please skip the next paragraph.
Ritualistic doesnât refer to a proper ritual â it can, but thatâs mostly a thing for those in a cult. So, weâre not necessarily talking about a âVampire Ascendent Ritualâ. A husband, beating his wife every evening after his third bottle of beer is also called ritual abuse. It happens regularly. It is part of a routine. Both parties know what will happen.
I canât find the exact quote, so Iâm working of my memory here, but at one point he said that when Cazador invited him to eat and he said yes, he would be served a putrid rat. If he said no, heâd be beaten.
The way it was phrased made it clear that it happened more than once and that Astarion clearly knew what would happen. So, this can be classified as ritualistic abuse.
2. A Note on Conditioning and Compliance
By default, abuse victims are conditioned to behave a certain way or in a certain fashion. This is a natural response to avoid further abuse.
In Astarion, the thing we see most often is his inherent need to please. Not literally, he doesnât mind being an arsehole. But he initially feels the need to follow Tavâs orders, even if they go against his own wishes.
This can be clearly seen in the conversation with Araj Oblodra. Astarion very clearly doesnât want to bite her. He doesnât. But he will do so, if Tav tells him to. This behaviour is not conscious â he doesnât know why he does it, he just does â and it is to be expected. This is how he kept himself save for two centuries, so of course he will fall back into his usual pattern when the pressure is high.
This goes hand in hand with the fact that most abuse victims donât fight. Maybe initially, but not after long term abuse. Especially not after two fucking centuries.
This is true in Astarion â offered by his âsiblingsâ during act 3 and unhappily acquiesced by the man himself. Astarion stopped fighting and, once again implied, cowered, and did as he was told in order to survive.
3. The Astarion we know and love
Obviously, all that abuse does have an impact on our vampire boyfriend. He shows various common signs of abuse and just like with the forms of abuse, Astarion raked every coping mechanism he could find. (Not really, but it feels like it.) Itâs also important to note that nearly all of the following things happen inwardly. Astarion is not one of the victims, that tries to rationalise and minimise the actions of his abuser. Quite the opposite, actually.
Iâll note from the beginning, that rationalisation will not be covered in this bit, as most examples will be important later on. But he definitely does it.
One of his biggest skills is to hide every ounce of fear or hurt behind sarcasm and snarky theatrics. He doesnât seem to hide his anger much, though, so thatâs something! Our boy is cool with anger, not so much with being afraid.
âAhahaha, now that you mention itâŠ.I might have doneâŠthat.â â Act 3, regarding the Gur children
âThe thing that will decide my fate forever more? Yeees, itâs been on my miiiind. Why?â â Act 2, regarding the Ritual
And thereâs many more instances that prove this. Honestly, half his dialogue is sarcasm, so it would really be too long to get into and we all know what I mean, right? We have alltalked to the guy before. Itâs obvious that heâs sarcastic to a fault.
This goes hand in hand with his penchant for defensiveness. I would personally state that heâs simply not really good with guilt. When talking about fear, he usually just opts for sarcasm or avoids the topic completely, but guilt especially has his defences going up. This is also when heâs most likely to shove all the blame off to Cazador.
âDonât look at me like that. Cazadors orders.â â Act 3, Crypt
âI just did what I had to!â â Act 3, Crypt
And donât get me wrong, he does that anyway. And with good reason. Astarion didnât have a choice for the most part, but heâs still easy to shove things off.
This kind of connects to his penchant for denial.
Astarion doesnât really like to talk about most things. He firmly believes he is an âactionâ sort of person that just does instead of plans, which invertedly just means heâs great at pushing the thinking stuff away. He also likes to get rid of stuff, so that he doesnât need to face it ever again.
âI never want to see these little scraps of misery again. The world doesnât need to know my shame.â â Act 3, about the children
And yes, this partly rings true. Heâs probably ashamed and doesnât want anyone to know what heâs done. But itâs also very clear that he himself simply doesnât want to face his own actions, something that is just  underlined by his extreme willingness to red rid of the other spawn.
As mentioned by Astarion himself, heâs big on manipulation. I mean, I donât think there is much explaining necessary. The guy is willing to do a whole lot in order to get what he desires â which mostly revolves around safety and survival, to be honest â and heâs not really shy about it either. And thatâs despite the fact that he doesnât really like intimacy â especially in form of sex.
Itâs not a secret that Astarion is not big on sex and anything surrounding it. This goes far enough for people to consider him either ace or ace coded.
A claim that, personally, Iâm not super in line with.
Now, itâs not entirely wrong and if this is your head cannon Iâm surely not going to stand in your way â but on a larger spectrum, I think heâs more traumatised than ace. And while those go hand in hand sometimes, itâs a bit difficult for the ace community if you attach traumatised characters to them because it can fuel a whole lot of stigma that is honestly neither needed nor wanted. But I digress!
If it comes to his own behaviour, heâs great at minimising his mistakes. Honestly, heâs a master of minimisation. A very obvious and famous example would be:
ââKilledâ feels like aâŠstrong word. Not many corpses have your vigour.â â Act 1, after killing Tav
Astarion. You literally sucked poor Tav dry and left them flopping around, cold, and dead. Killed is exactly the right word and we all know it.
âQuite the deviation from my usual routine. Capture, not lure. I didnât bring them in with sweet rolls or anything.â â Act 3, Gur Children
This is another attempt at minimising what he did, if a bit less obvious because at this point there isnât much he can say. But at least he didnât sexualise the gur children, right? Theyâre still spawn but whoo, at least that didnât happen. Â
The next point would be dissociation, which is extremely common in abuse victims â of all forms of abuse.
Astarion himself mentioned certain moments that could be classified as dissociation over course of the story, which is probably the coping mechanism I personally expected the most.
The pale elf has a penchant for violence, but heâs not entirely shameless or abhorrently vile, which gets clearer the more the story progresses. So, two hundred years of forced prostitution, torture and doing whatever other horrible things? Yeah, Iâd be more surprised if he didnât dissociate.
Examples of that would be:
âA moment of disgust to push myself through and then I couldâve carried on, just like before.â â Act 2, after Araj
âI felt nothing the moment I handed them over.â â Act 3, Gur Children
âDid you enjoy it? It felt like you werenât fully there.â â Act 1, Tav after Sex
The latter is generally more of an assumption than actual prove, but with context it does make sense.
The last common sign of abuse we find in our boyfriend would be his low self-worth. Itâs a consistent trait that stays over the course of all three acts, noticeable in many different conversations.
We can see it in his reaction to wanting to break up before finishing his story.
We can see it in his genuine surprise when Tav picks him over any of the other characters.
We see it in his insecurity whenever Tav asks to sleep with another character. Heâs fine with it, but he still worries their decision to sleep with someone else is based on something he did.
It eases up ever so slightly after Cazador is dead, but even then heâs still struggling which is once again perfectly illustrated if you try to break up with him.
âOh shit. I- Did I do something wrong?â
That is the first thing he asks and I think it speaks for itself. He genuinely doesnât believe he has much to offer and for Astarion, itâs likely that Astarion will always be the problem.
4. "Oh, I tried them all none of them answered.â
Another big thing thatâs important to note, is that Astarion was never saved. No one came to save him from Cazador. There was no darling boy on a white steed riding into that castle to rescue him and princess carry him away. Not even the gods answered his desperate calls.
So, he never received any kindness or luck. To him, the world seems as cruel and horrid as before because he didnât have the chance to experience goodness in two centuries.
But worse than that, he didnât even get to save himself. Astarion didnât stand up to Cazador, he didnât run out of his own might.
He was beaten to near death and âsavedâ by Cazador, who would become his abuser.
He tried to save someone and, in turn, was locked up and starved for an entire year.
He was abducted by mind flayers, i.e., saved from Cazador, only to end up tadpoled and on the cusp of getting a fancy, squiddy beard.
Anything thatâs good, any kindness, any selfless actionâŠit all came with a ginormous price tag.
5. Over the Course of the Story
Astarions behaviour changes a whole lot over the course of three acts â which is important once we talk about his quests climax â so letâs review what weâre working with!
Act 1 Astarion is guarded as fuck. The man has walls around him that are so high, even the gods can touch them.
A lot of his behaviour in act 1 revolves around staying save and staying liked. He lies, manipulates, and flutters his lashes in order to get what he wants and needs. Instead of asking, like Wyll, Karlach and Gale do, Astarion uses all he has to offer to get by. He is still very much in survival mode and tries to weasel his way through an unfamiliar situation with familiar methods.
On top of that, and most notably, heâs absolutely not fond of kindness or selflessness.
#I saved a child and now my boyfriend is mad
Here, we are most likely to gain disapproval for doing the decent thing â unless you sent him outside for a minute whenever youâre being a good person.
And Iâd assume that this is because of two things.
First: The very traditional âWhy not me?â
As I mentioned before, Astarion wasnât saved. He hasnât experienced kindness in a very long time so seeing that the world is literally filled with kind people is hurtful. Why didnât anyone save him? Why was he left to his own devices for so long? Why should he care about others when itâs so clear that no one ever cared about him? No, dead to all of them. If he didnât get it, neither will they.
âAnd what am I owed? What about the injustices I suffered? Am I not entitled to anything?â â Act 3, Crypt
âI was in the prime of my life when I was turned. Everything was taken from me too.â â Act 3, Crypt
And secondly is the fact that, as I mentioned, goodness always has a price. And itâs one most people wonât be willing to pay. Thatâs how his life has been, so why would theirs be different?
This is precisely why Astarion may disapprove of kind actions, but he mostly neither approves nor disapproves if Tav asks for payment. Thatâs just how the world works.
Once you venture out into act 2, after getting to know him a whole lot more, he starts to mellow a bit â if only towards Tav.
âHeâs afraid, so afraid, of everyone but you, who she should fear the most.â â Sceleritas about Astarion
His approval is a lot easier to gain â or at least keep! â and he tends to approve of some more proper actions. He doesnât throw a fit if you promise to find Mol, he approves of Tav being kind to His Majesty, of saving Aylin and he even approves of Durge apologising to Isobel after threatening to rip her to pieces.
He's slowly starting to open up, allowing Tav to see some parts of him he previously kept hidden. He accepts their offer to help, if hesitantly and, by god, the man starts experimenting with boundaries.
The social worker in me is shedding tears at this. Itâs my favourite thing to see in my clients and itâs no different here. Yay to saying no!
Of course, itâs still a bit hit or miss. If Tav urges him to bite Araj, for example, he will only to later notice that he didnât fucking have to. He recognises this on his own and he calls Tav out on it. Just like he calls them out on not helping him with his Orthon quest.
Good job, chap. Good fucking job.
And the growth-train wonât stop going even as we reach act 3.
In act 3, thereâs not many things he disapproves as of right now â those he does, mostly have to do with how Tav treats him and not with anyone else. In fact, heâs more likely to approve good behaviour now, like giving Yenna food or money.
And yes, we need to consider that this could simply be because he gets used to Tavâs behaviour and just learns to roll with it. But itâs also highly likely that he notices that thereâs truly good people around. At least one person. And that person is not only good, no, theyâre in the process of helping him break free once and for all.
Theyâre helping him save himself.
By act 3, he has learned that he can absolutely say his piece where Tav is concerned and heâs more likely to disagree with them on certain things. Itâs seen during a lot of small dialogue that heâs no longer terribly afraid to be honest with them, willing to listen and talk and heâll ask for help if he needs it.
âI can do this. But I need your help.â â Act 3, Crypt
Something that can be viewed both positively and negatively is that heâs definitely loyal to a fault. He will stick by Tavâs side, no matter what.
âI really hoped we could avoid being pawns for a dark god, but here we are, I suppose. Iâm with you, my dear, wherever this might lead.â â Act 3, After Jaheira confronts durge
As I said, this can be both positive and negative. On one count, itâs a recipe for disaster, seeing as he could be waltzing into a really bad situation for Tav alone.
But on the other sideâŠthis is a man who only cared about himself because that is the only person he could afford to care about. He needed to survive. He now has enough room to breathe and the capacity to care for someone else and Iâd be inclined to count that as a good thing.
6. The Crypt
All the progress he made in act 2 and 3 is nearly tossed into the wind as soon as the crew enters Cazadors castle.
Itâs not an immediate thing, of course.
At first, Astarion tries to stay light and simple and he hides behind flippant tones and relaxed faces. The way he recounts this is almost comically disinterested and the façade is actually quite good.
Itâs startâs cracking after we meet Godie, one of the people who tortured him on more than one account, but he mostly manages to remain as upbeat as one can honestly expect for the first half of the journey.
All that, however, is done for the very moment we meet Sebastian. His mask not only slips, no, it full on shatters and thereâs none of his apparent lightness left.
Which, of course it does.
The man is suddenly faced with years and years and years of victims. Innocent, unlucky people he lured back to his master over two centuries. People he liked, people he pitied.
âItâs sickening, seeing them again.â
Itâs basically a room filled with guilt, exclusively for Astarion. And, as we mentioned beforeâŠAstarion is not great with guilt.
The guilt, however, is not where it ends.
No, heâs also faced with reflections of his own past. The spawn pose as reminders of what he did, sure, but also as reminders of what he was.
Weak, desperate, hungry.
Thereâs an abundance of images of his worst moments, reflected back at him in the thousands. Itâs probably like staring into a funhouse mirror, but instead of seeing yourself in a funky way he just sees everything he so desperately doesnât want to be.
âIt should be [who I am]! I donât want to be like them. Theyâre pathetic, horribleâŠâ
Heâs forcefully made aware of how darn weak he can be, which claws at all the wounds heâs barely had time to close. Something, he of course wonât admit if asked.
âTHEY DO NOT [remind me of myself]. That weakness in me is dead, ITâS DEAD. I have a higher purpose.â
The high pressure of the moment brings out all of his act 1 traits in but a few moments. You can pretty much watch how he starts to shut down mid conversation, one of his old walls snapping back into place to remove himself from the situation.
Thing is though, walls usually become a bit brittle after disuse. Especially when talking to a person you donât usually want to wall out.
Or, in his case, when talking to Tav.
After meeting Sebastian, Astarion shows extreme reactions to Tav nudging any of his weak spots. His reaction varies on whatever choice you make, but it ranges from aggression to defensiveness, to denial and even to downright begging Tav.
âDonât hate me. I just did what I had to. I swear I did what I had to.â
This probably the most shocking out of all of them, since that is not something we got to witness before. The begging is likely a mixture of intense fear of losing Tav, his low self-esteem and pre-Tav behaviour, since we can assume that Cazador made him beg more than once.
Another old coat he puts back on would also be the least surprising of them all.
Manipulation.
He falls right back into it, using Tavâs affection to get what he want if we trigger the right action.
âIf they die and I ascend, I won't have to rely on the parasite to walk in the sun. I'll be free. Truly completely free. Isn't that what you want?â
This, to me, was probably the biggest tell that Astarion was back in survival mode. Heâs panicking, for fucks sake, and who can blame the guy? Heâs back. Heâs about to face down his abuser.
Of course heâs fucking panicking.
Panic leads to an increased craving for safety and, in his case, power. This is why he clings to Tav, why he begs them to love him still. And this is why he jumps head first into the rationalisation pool.
âI will need to sacrifice them all if I want to perform the ritual. - [You can save them.] â Whatâs the point? They're as good as dead! I thought they were dead. If they are unleashed, they will cause incredible carnage. [âŠ] They must die. Better they serve a purpose.â
Another textbook example.
They must die anyway. Theyâre basically dead. No need to save them now. Theyâre dangerous, Iâm doing the right thing by sacrificing them. I already thought they were dead, so itâs not changing anything for me. Theyâre a lost cause and I deserve  all this power. I deserve it, because I suffered and nothing will change if they die.
So, seeing as we already spoke about his usual behaviour in act 3 â behaviour he showed after we allowed him to breathe and be himself for a while â I think we can fairly easily conclude heâs not thinking straight.
Astarion is right back in survival mode, where all that matters is he himself. If it werenât for the seven thousand spawns, he might have moved through this more gracefully, but seeing those tipped the scales and Astarion is absolutely losing it.
Remember that for the last section, per favore.
7. The Ascension
âAstarion wants to ascend and Tav manipulates him into doing what they want.â
That is basically the essence of what people often claim and I canât help but shake my head at such a blatant disregard of everything he has become. This is completely ignoring the change and growth he has gone through over the course of their journey.
Astarion wants to be free. He wants to be safe. That does not mean he wants to ascend.
And the claim that Tav manipulates him into doing anything is even more baffling. We are all aware that Tav is not manipulative by nature, yes? That is entirely on you. You decide who your Tav is.
And then letâs remember: Astarion is panicked. Heâs afraid and heâs not thinking straight. His abuser is on his knees before him and he still feels so weak. And thereâs seven thousand spawns that need handling.
Astarion is very much not okay right now.
In fact, reading his thoughts just proves this theory.
âYou can see the fear in his eyes but also the hunger. The thick smell of blood in the air and the promise of power being so close is intoxicating to him. All he can see is the power of the ritual and the freedom that power brings. The freedom to do anything. To be anything.â
Tav, however, has none of those problems. They can actually see beyond the current situation and they are fully aware what the consequences are. Astarion is not. As we previously established, Astarion is a doer. Not a thinker. He didnât think this through, not at all.
The only thing Tav is doing â the persuasion roll â is reminding him of the very real consequences he is facing. The consequences he hasnât thought about before.
"I know you think this will set you free, but it won't. This power will trap you, just like it trapped Cazador."
And that is the kindest thing Tav could do in this situation. Theyâre not bodily dragging him away from Cazador. Theyâre not even telling him to not do it. Theyâre just offering him the truth. He can do with that information whatever he desires.
âAstarion cries when he doesnât ascend, that just shows that it was the wrong choice.â
A hare-brained point that I thankfully have only seen once so far.
That crying? That is healthy crying.
That is him, crumbling under the stress that suddenly dissipates. That is him mourning two hundred years of torment. Thatâs him letting out feelings he hasnât been able to for centuries.
And, for the love of god, try to put yourself in his shoes.
Two hundred years of torment, ended in but a moment.
Astarion was abused and tortured for so long, afraid for so long only to see his tormentor die just like that.
Cazador died within a moment and all Astarion needed was a darn blade. Of course he fucking cries.
Seeing how pathetic a being the very core of your lifeâs misery actually is hurts. It hurts like hell because not only are you finally free â free! â no, youâre faced with the fact that this pile of nothing, the thing thatâs bleeding out right in front of youâŠthis was what tortured for so long.
This thing hurt you so much. That guy took everything from you, everything you once were, and broke it again and again and again over years.
You were so scared of this thing.
And yet he has the gall and the gumption to die just like that.
It was so easy.
And yet you suffered for so long.
8. Evil Playthrough?
An evil playthrough is really a different setting altogether.
All of this, as you can probably tell, is really only applicable on a good playthrough. Realistically speaking. Iâm not sure how the game mechanics handle it.
On an evil path, Astarion never really gets to experience kindness and goodness. Evil Tav will just prove him right in his believe that the world is a vile and cold place, meaning that he realistically would be more inclined to actually want to ascend.
9. Final Conclusion
I think all of this should be enough to make it clear that no, ascended Astarion is not the best ending for the guy. In fact, it is probably the worst. Because itâs just him, running away. Heâs running into a lonely and cold state of being, where cruelty and power lord over everything else and heâs running because heâs terrified of being hurt again. Heâs running despite desperately wanting to stop running.
âI'll spend the rest of my life running watching the shadows, never feeling safeâŠno, this has to happen. Here and now.â
And, the worst part is: Nothing about Astarion is left after he ascends. Even his tone of speaking gradually changes, his theatrics fading. Heâs slowly losing himself, until thereâs nothing but an evil caricature left.
So, in the end, ascension will have proven him right.
Would you mind showing the way you painted Astarionâs hair in your last piece? Itâs GORGEOUS!!
Thanks a lot!! ^^ I didn't save the stages of that art, but I did it with another portrait. But in both cases the approach is the same!
1. We start with the total mass, determine the source of light and shadow. And then I do large strokes of the main curls. The color is dark, it will serve as a base
I don't do shadows on the back of the head: it's far from the center of the composition (face) and it will also help keep his curly hair "airy" :]
2. I add light strands on top of the shadows. I try to take a color of the same tone as the hair tone at stage 1. The highlights will be lighter, but it's not time for them yet.
Aaaand the next stage - thin and dark shades of hair! The brush size is smaller, I work slower and more accurately. Here I'm trying to make the strands more precise.
But now the mass of hair is too fragmented, soooo.......
3. I go back to the highlights and add more blonde hairs. In some places I block the shadow more
At the last stage, I understand that the contrast of shadow and light is too much and I donât like it. From above I go over with large strokes of a light tone.
I also like to combine sharp and blurry details, so in some places I blur the hair (mostly in the distance), and somewhere I add sharpness (the hair that is closer to us)
Scars & Secrets; diving into this Astarion & Raphael interaction
A deep dive into bravery and resilience in the face of humiliation and manipulation.
Hopping right in with the first interaction of this scene; Astarion stopping Raphael from leaving to open a negotiation of his own.
Astarion: âWait! Before you go, I have a proposal of my own.â
And the snide response from Raphael: âA proposal? If youâre hoping to taste my blood, little sampling, think again. It burns hotter than Wyvern Whisky.â
First, Astarion's side:
I love the split-second emotions Larian feeds us in this game; this scene is no exception. Look at his face on those first couple frames as he says "Wait!"
It takes courage. For two hundred years under Cazador's compulsion, he had little choice other than to obey... to be passive. He's not being passive now; he's taking his courage in both hands and being proactive.
As we see Astarion start to wrestle with the meaning behind his scars in game, he's started his arc towards finding autonomy and his own identity. He's taking steps towards reclaiming his story - but he can't see the scars or read them. He needs help.
And he knows better than to ask Raphael outright for help. That is a dangerous proposition; he knows Raphael is every bit as dangerous as he is cunningâbut he can be useful, if the game is played right. Our rogue is clever; he's meeting the cambion on his own playing field; bargaining.
"I have a proposal of my own.â
Look at the disdain and disgust on his face in the second two frames above as he speaks the words. He doesn't want to make a deal with the devilâbut he recognizes that he has little choice.
Now look at how Raphael was leaning forward to listening while Astarion spoke, with the same seriousness an arrogant adult listens to a child. There are a few incredible layers in his response.
âA proposal? If youâre hoping to taste my blood, little sampling, think again. It burns hotter than Wyvern Whisky.â
Raphaelâs response immediately asserts dominance. By deliberately and mockingly dismissing Astarionâs proposal as a potential ploy to taste his blood, Raphael positions himself as the one in control. He sets the power dynamic for the rest of the conversation with the ease of much, much practice.
With "little vampling" and "hotter than Wyvern Whisky" he simultaneously takes Astarion down two pegs ('you can't handle it, child') and himself up one, remind Astarion and the listening Tav of his own nature. He mocks and belittles Astarion while lightly lauding himself, all in a sentence.
And Astarion, understandably, does not enjoy that.
"This is serious business, devil!"
There is desperation and vulnerability for him in this entire conversation and they both know it. Despite that, he fires back with assertiveness, refusing to be dismissed or spoke down to.
"Little vampling" is met with "devil!" - a seemingly simple response that is a truly a beautiful parry. If Raphael's "hotter than Wyvern Whisky" jab about his blood being too hot for Astarion to handle was a reminder of his latent power, this is Astarion acknowledging that power head on - and refusing to back down.
He doesn't give Raphael a chance to bandy back, but launches into opening steps of the dance; what he needs out of this negotiation.
âMy old- well, a long time ago, someone carved some runes into my back. Iâd rather like to know what they say.â
His quest to translate the runes is a symbolic step of his broader journey to reclaim his life from Cazador; he stays true to that now by refusing to mention his abuser.
Raphael, of course, is eager in his own not-entirely-subtle to assure him that he already knows all about Cazador.
âItâs something of great importance to your master. But is it a love letter, a warning, or a deep of ownership? I can give you all the gory details.â
Raphael lives to tease and torment; he has absolutely no interest in negotiating cleanly here; knowledge is power and he has it all.
By dangling that lure, Raphael positions himself as the gatekeeper of truths Astarion desperately seeks, deliberately reinforcing the power imbalance between them.
âAnd I will - once the beast that lurks below is vanquished, and sent back to the Hells.â
The price for the knowledge Astarion seeks; the death of the Orthon.
Also, how many of you guys caught this;
One of many fourth-wall breaks in which Raphael glances at us. I like the ?theory? that original Raphael was supposed to have the hots for the player themselves, rather than their Tav. We're left with a handful of beautiful, deliberate glances like this one.
Hurt and powerless hate on Astarion's face. He's got no recourse other than to agree and it can't be a great feeling. Then, it gets worse...
Tav: "What are you talking about, Astarion? What scars?"
And Raphael is instantly delighted.
"You havenât told them? And youâve kept your clothes on this whole time? How unlike you⊠Why not let them see? Donât be shy.â
Raphael's interactions with Astarion are not mere casual cruelty; they are calculated moves designed to exploit Astarion's vulnerabilities.
"You havenât told them?" He's already demonstrated he knows about Cazador. With the new knowledge that Tav doesn't know about Astarion's past, he makes a two-fold attack.
"Youâve kept your clothes on this whole time? How unlike you..." He mocks Astarion's loss of autonomy and weaponizes his vulnerability with a comment designed to come across as slut shaming to Tav...
...but a reminder of his past humiliations to Astarion, one that deliberately insinuates that his struggle to maintain his privacy and dignity are futile, or out of character. It's a cruel and careful jab.
For Astarion, every moment he is allowed to decide for himself, to keep his clothes on or take them off, is a step away from his past and a step towards autonomy and recovery. Raphael deliberately belittles that, as he has belittled him this entire conversation.
"Why not let them see? Donât be shy."
Raphael's flippant comment entirely dismisses the deep trauma carved into Astarion along with his scarsâtrauma that is both physical and emotional. The scars are physical markings that represent a bloody, dark history of abuse, subjugation, and exploitation... and Raphael knows that.
"Let them see?" implies a choice, but Astarion is given none. It's a specifically calculated reminder of his past, where his body was not his own. By exposing Astarionâs scars to his companions, Raphael not only forces him into a moment of vulnerability, but also subjects him to deliberate public humiliation. "Donât be shy" is a taunt, a laughing mockery of the situation Raphael has orchestrated.
The movement itself is gentle, almost. Not a snap of fingers or casting of a spell... just an airy wafting of a hand. Astarion realizes what's happening quickly and recoils - he takes a step back and half turns as though he's considering running, then stops himself.
The abject sadness as he turns back, just the miserable 'why?' in his eyes as he turns back to confront his tormentor. He steps exactly back into where he was standing before - doesn't cover himself or cower, but stands tall and faces the humiliation Raphael is forcing on him with his head high and shoulders squared.
Watch his face change. He already knew Raphael was a devil and an untrustworthy bastard, but one he'd have to deal with to unlock the meaning behind his scars.
Now, he knows exactly what manner of person he's dealing with.
âGods damn it.â
The slow glance over his shoulder at you/the camera is a stab in the heart. Tav's standing to the side of him, so this additional piece of artistry is just cinematic loveliness, a truly spectacular reveal.
But also symbolic. He turns from glaring at his tormentor to check Tav's reaction. The slow glance reads to me as a moment of profound vulnerability. After being forcibly exposed, both physically and emotionally, he's seeking connectionâan understanding, or perhaps even solace in Tav's reaction.
Raphael doesn't give him even a moment.
âDonât pout, spawn. Just destroy the beast and Iâll happily reveal your secrets instead of your skin.â
Every word is laced with manipulative intent; he belittles and exerts control, dangling the price in front of his face again. The directive "Don't pout" puts down Astarion's legitimate grievances of the moment, reducing his concerns and traumas to nothing more than childish sulking.
With "instead of your skin", Raphael (who has appeared several times at this point) reminds him that this sort of humiliation is on the table at any time. It serves as a pointed reminder of the control he holds over Astarion, as well as the potential for further humiliation in the future, a calculated move designed in a state of unease and subjugation.
Astarion, for his part, his exasperated and done.
âYes, fine, weâll kill this damn creature of yours.â
Itâs a concession, but one that's loaded with frustration and a pragmatic recognition of the immediate need to comply with Raphael's demands to achieve his own ends.
Despite being spoken down to, belittled, intentionally reminded of his traumas, stripped naked, humilated and taunted, he faces his tormentor with head high still and shoulders squared.
He's used to a master that reveled in his humiliation and hurt; he's giving Raphael nothing.
Not content with this, Raphael moves to bring the interaction to a close, with a few last jabs.
âThen we have an understanding. I look forward to our next meeting. Scars often tell such wonderful stories - I think yours might be truly exquisite.â
Raphael sees Astarionâs scars not merely as physical remnants of past trauma but as narratives ripe for exploitation. By calling them âtruly exquisiteâ, he intentionally objectifies Astarion's suffering, posing it as something to be utilized rather than empathized with.
His macabre fascination is not just creepy in its voyeuristic appreciation of another's trauma, but... deeply unsettling, intentionally so.
And then he's gone, until the next confrontation. But Astarion's confrontation with his own past isn't over.
Astarion turns to Tav with "Well. Now you know.â
Except... he doesn't actually turn to Tav. Can't seem to bring himself to turn all the wayâhe faced Raphael head on, but facing Tav? Whom he trusts and cares about? Look at how hard it is for him to drag his eyes to your/Tav's faceâthe way he checks your reaction before turning his face all the way towards you.
Even then, he starts turn away once more, to angle his nakedness away, but his eyes stay locked on your face. There's openness there; vulnerability heavily laden with resignation. His his carefully guarded secrets are now as exposed as he is.
Tav: "Gods⊠the carving must have been excruciating.â
The response is immediate and bluntly empathetic; it recognizes the severity of Astarionâs pain without needing a detailed explanation. Raphael belittled his trauma and reveled in his scarsâTav sees his suffering for what it is. It's a beautiful move to intentionally normalize emotional vulnerability between them.
"Cazador worked on it from dusk until dawn, all with an ancient blade he called his âneedleâ. Cutting and tearing, starting over it I screamed or winced too much."
Midway through, the genuine hurt we see in his face is replaced with a forced smile. A tiny, non-verbal declaration of resilience... but perhaps also a long-ingrained habit of trying to inject normalcy into any moment too weighty. In two hundred years under Cazador's thumb, he didn't pull a thousand marks by letting conversations get heavy.
But the smile can't hold. It simply hurts too much. It slips away and vulnerable hurt takes its place once more instead.
"An ancient blade he called his 'needle'" is such specific language... from the Astarion Origin play-through, we know he relives the carving in his memories, to the point of feeling the pain as though it's being carved again.
"Cutting and tearing, starting over it I screamed or winced too much" is something he remembers in excruciating, perfect detail.
âIt was a rough night... But whatâs done is done, so how about we stop discussing it and just kill this beast?â
The moment for emotional vulnerability is coming to a close for him; He's still standing there naked, the scars he has so carefully hidden on display and so much of his vigilantly guarded trauma poured out at your feet. He takes the moment to reclaim his agency, if only a little bit, by signaling that the conversation is over. It's time to go get the job done, instead.
The transition beautifully underscores a key aspect of his character and, I suspect, yours: the capacity to compartmentalize suffering in order to deal with the immediate demands of reality.
He's acknowledging the past, but not allowing it to wholly consume or immobilize him. And we're proud of him for that.
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