Writing is Thinking @kirain - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
Writing is Thinking
@kirain
I am a freelance writer, editor, reviewer, and university graduate. This blog is mostly related to Fallout, but I also post original content, OCs, funny reblogs, game/movie reviews, etc. Commissions are currently closed.
Inspired by @strugglinggranola and Hotel California by The Eagles - a modern au EmmRook (yes… it is Sable… I’m simple and love my girl) one-shot that is literally nothing but angst, angst and more angst.
There is next to no editing here and likely as many spelling mistake because sharing stuff from Ellipsus on my phone is just such a struggle.
Warnings: yes you’re all getting warnings for this one because i got carried away and this might be a bit dark for some people, angst, more angst, main character death, mentions of suicide, mentions of dv, lots of sad shit, people cry, people die, people cry again.
It was truly the most beautiful kind of evening, the sun hung low in the sky, the desert painted in shades of orange and red. The highway was empty, not a car in sight, something that offered an odd sense of comfort.
Emmrich wouldn't have been able to say how long he had been driving for, the roof of his car folded back as he watched each mile marker pass, if someone was to ask. Nevarra lay behind him, it's towering skyscrapers and bustling streets little more than a memory, and he could not find it within himself to miss it.
City had shifted into desert, the air heavy with the dust kicked up by his tyres, and it had become increasingly easy to allow himself to sink into his seat, hands curled loosely around the steering wheel.
Content as he was, thoughts clear for the first time in years of funerals and grieving families, he hadn't had a destination in mind, wanting only to be free of the burdens that had weighed him down for the last decade. It was that thought, that need for solace and peace, that had led him behind the wheel, gaze ever forward as he left everything he had ever known before.
But there had been something that drew him onto this stretch of road, lured him deeper into the desert. A sirens song. A whisper in his ear that he had not realised he was following until there was nothing but sand and the setting sun with him.
More miles of desert sped past, the land growing more barren though no less beautiful, and Emmrich thought to just keep driving.
Then the motel had appeared just as the sun finally began to set, its warmth sinking beneath the horizon without fanfare.
A cluster of mismatched buildings clustered a short distance from the highway, the outdated neon sign blinking sluggishly. It was a somewhat nostalgic sight, like something taken straight from one of the paperbacks his mother had so loved to read. It was only when the click of his indicator broke the comfortable silence that Emmrich realised he was pulling off the highway - the road had been empty for hours, the indicator utterly without purpose, but still he found himself looking to his mirrors as the steering wheel twisted beneath his hands and the tarmac was quickly replaced by a mix of sand and gravel that left him blinking.
Just as the highway had been, the parking lay empty save for a truck at the far end.
Ding.
That the reception even had a little brass bell hanging above the door reminded him once again of his mothers books. It's jingle was soft in the otherwise quiet space, a delicate ringing that announced his arrival with a soft finality.
"Hi."
Oh.
"Need a room?"
Shame curled down his spine as blue eyes met his from behind the desk that sat in the centre of the room. That she was by far the prettiest woman Emmrich thought to have lain his gaze upon should not have been his first thought. Then she smiled, cheeks dimpling.
"We have plenty of space. Not many come out this way so you'll have your pick of rooms."
But she really was so very pretty. Younger than him, though there was a weariness in her gaze that gave her an air of someone far older. Her hair, a white blonde that made his chest ache though he could understand why, lay in a messy braid over her shoulder - strands hung loose against her cheeks, as if determined to be free, and his fingers itched to reach for them. He almost imagined that he knew of their softness already.
"You ok?"
Emmrich blinked.
"Long drive?"
It had been many a year since he felt so out of sorts.
"In truth-" There was something about the way that she watched him as he finally made the short trip to the desk that made him wish he had worn a tidier shirt, that he had brushed back the tousled strands of his hair from where the breeze had dislodged them before entering. "- I'm not even sure why I stopped."
He thought his words might confuse her but instead he was met with the same warm smile.
"That's ok."
"Is it? I can't even say that I know where I'm heading yet."
She nodded, as if she'd had this very conversation a hundred times before. "Sometimes we don't need to understand why we do things. You'll end up where you need to."
"You sound very sure of that."
Her laugh was just as pretty as the freckles that covered her cheeks. "I like to think we all end where we need to be eventually. Sometimes it just takes a little longer to realise we're already there."
A clock ticked somewhere.
"You want to try and figure out where you're going tonight?" Emmrich found himself leaning closer when she nodded to door behind him. "Though its late and I never like to see people try to drive these roads in the dark."
"Perhaps you are right." A glance at his wrist watch told him it was much later than he had realised. "It would not be a bad thing to sleep."
Another soft smile.
"Let's get you a room then."
Emmrich watched as she turned to the rack of keys behind her, her fingers dancing along the rows of keys. It gave him a moment to take more of her in, his observation unseen as she deliberated on what room to give him.
With her back turned it was by no means an easy task to guess at her age, though he knew it an ungentlemanly thing to do. But there was something in the way that she carried herself that spoke of a life lived despite her youthful appearance - she could be no older than mid thirties, sure as he was that there had to be at least a decade between them.
His chest ached then, though he could not truly say why. Something about the warmth she had shown him, having known him for but a few minutes, turned his thoughts to the choices he had made over the years.
"Is it just you?"
"I'm sorry?" She had returned to the desk, a key in hand, though he had been oblivious to it.
"You travelling alone?" Emmrich almost missed the flicker of sadness then, quick as it was, but it vanished beneath the smile that he had very swiftly found himself longing for. He didn't want to guess as to why such a simple question had made her sad, the idea that he was responsible for it utterly intolerable despite the glaring fact he still didn't even know her name.
"Yes." The sadness came back then and she was not quick enough to hide it this time. "There might have been someone once… but it was so long ago-"
"I'm sorry." She needn't have apologised, in no way responsible for his years of solitude. "It's hard to be alone."
The words came with a weight that spoke of lived experience and Emmrich thought to curse whatever fool had left her behind. He couldn't say why he knew that to be the truth of it but it was as if his very bones knew she was not built to live a life alone and that such sadness could only have come from having been shown a chance at happiness for it then to be ripped away.
He thought for her to continue, to share more but instead she merely handed him the keys.
"What do I owe you for the room?"
The smile was back though it was a thin thing. "You can tally up when you leave. You're my only guest and I have a feeling you're not one to just cut and run."
"Are you sure? I would not wish to cause you any hardship-"
"It's fine, I promise." Emmrich looked down as she placed the keys atop his waiting palm, the brush of her fingers fleeting but something he desperately wanted more of. "I just need your name for the register."
"Emmrich." It was an odd thing, almost as if he was having this conversation not for the first time. "Emmrich Volkarin."
"It's nice to meet you, Emmrich Volkarin." Her hand left his then and he immediately missed its warmth. "You can call me Rook. Come find me in the morning and I'll show you where I keep the good tea."
Sleep came in broken stretches, his dreams little more than flashes of things that were both memories and fantasies though he could not tell them apart.
Blue eyes that crinkled at the corners when he took too long choosing socks.
The cries of grieving parents as they sat with their loved ones coffins for the last time.
Freckled skin that turned the most endearing shade of red after a day in the sun.
Rows upon rows of flowers in vases, waiting for their turn to be chosen.
Fingers laced through his as they ducked out of the rain, clothes soaked but smiles wide.
His desk covered in invoices for families that he had no wish to chase.
The sound of the softly whispered "I love you", not knowing it would be the last time he got to hear it.
The sheets were tangled around his hips when he woke, light creeping around the edges of the curtains. For a moment he thought himself at home, tucked beneath his ridiculously expensive sheets. The week had been a long one and he had had his fill of loss and grief - it also meant the time had come for him to make the one drive he always looked for to, the one thing that he had left that brought him any comfort.
A few hours on the road, the desert sands his only company until he reached-
But then it wasn't his sheets, his bed, his home. He wasn't preparing to drive anywhere, not that he could remember where it was he would have driven to, nor who would be waiting for him because he could not imagine making such a journey without there being someone at the end.
The motel room was pleasant by all standards, decorated in muted tones of green and brown, and large enough that he thought it to be meant for two. The world outside was silent, not a voice nor footstep as he watched the ceiling fan turn - it was almost peaceful if not for the itch beneath his skin that told him to get up, that he could not just lay there and rot despite the exhaustion that clung to him.
It remained quiet as he rose, his only company that of the AC humming, and went about his morning ablutions. Emmrich didn't remember packing the clothes that sat waiting for him though they were ones he knew lived in the back of his wardrobe at home but his memories of the last twenty four hours were fogged, as if they were fighting themselves.
Little had changed outside his room, the parking lot still empty save the truck he had seen the night before and his car - there was not a bird in the sky, the sun still rising over the horizon.
It was beautiful.
"Morning."
He hadn't heard her approach.
"Still want some tea?"
Her hair was even brighter in the early morning light, the white blond near glowing. Rook looked just as she had yesterday, her smile warm and blue eyes bright even if they still carried some of the sadness he had hoped to have passed.
"Emmrich?" A hand settled against his arm. "Are you okay?"
He didn't know how to answer that in truth. Everything felt wrong. He was sure he'd never seen this place but there was something so familiar about it now that he saw it with fresh eyes. He couldn't remember ever travelling down this stretch of the highway nor stopping at this motel but it was if his body remembered even if his mind could not.
"I feel-" The hand on his arm rubbed slowly, a tiny act in and of itself but it was enough to settle the tide inside him. "-rather at odds with myself."
"Definitely time for tea then."
It was an easy thing to allow Rook to lead him, her hand curled around his arm, and not a single thing inside him wished to stop her. He could hear each breath she took as they followed the path past the unoccupied rooms, soft sounds that reassured him he wasn't completely beyond his senses - she hummed quietly when they reached the small building that acted as her office, something akin to surprise in her gaze when he instinctively reached for the door and held it open for her, his hand settling low against her spine.
It was as quiet inside as it was outside and yet still it felt familiar.
"I have a really lovely herbal tea I thought you might like. You seem like someone who can appreciate more than just a milk tea."
"It sounds perfect-"
The little yellow box robbed him of whatever else he had meant to say. It was the same little yellow box of tea that he knew was currently sat on his kitchen worktop. It was a brand he had favoured for years, fragrant and almost floral in flavour - he was want to have it in the mornings, steeped in his favourite mug that had been a gift from… he couldn't remember.
"It was recommended to me by my… a friend…"
"They must be a very good friend indeed."
There. The sadness. There was no hiding it this time and Emmrich immediately regretted his words when she lifted a hand, wiping away the moisture that had gathered atop her lashes.
"I'm so sorry. It was not my intention to upset you-"
"It's ok." He knew it to be anything but. "It was a long time ago." Emmrich could only watch as Rook moved about the small room, filling a small tea pot with boiling water before she brought it and two really rather pretty mugs over to the small table by the only window.
They sat quietly for a short time, hands curled around their mugs as the tea steeped.
"You said yesterday you didn't know why you'd stopped here?"
"I was driving. I've always enjoyed the freedom of being on the road." Emmrich placed his mug down, hands settling in his lap. "My work is… taxing… and I've always found that driving eased some of that stress. But yesterday…"
"You just drove."
"It would appear so. I'm not even sure how long I was out there before I saw the motel." He could count on one hand the number of times he had felt so out of control… of everything… and it was an uncomfortable thing. "There's something about this place. I have no memory of ever being here before but its as if something called me."
"And your destination?"
"I couldn't say. There are moments where I feel as if I am missing something. Something so important, so vital, and then its gone." Emmrich let his gaze move to the window, to the still empty road and sun baked sands. "I don't know where I'm going." He blinked slowly. "Just that my journey isn't over yet."
"That sounds exciting."
"Does it?"
"Do you not think?" She was watching him again, her tea abandoned beside his. "To know that there is still something out there for you? That there is further to go. I would have liked to travel more I think."
"You have time yet, surely?" The need to take away her sadness had returned, lured from the pit it had taken root in deep in his belly by the resignation in her words. "You are young and there is a whole world out there to be seen."
"Not for me. Not anymore."
"Why?" He shouldn't pry, her business her own, but Emmrich found himself unable to accept such a sad fate for her. "Would you remain here for the rest of your life? Why not leave the motel and see what awaits you out there?"
For a moment Emmrich thought to have pushed too hard when Rook looked past him, her gaze settling on the window just as his had done.
"I tried to once, a long time ago." If he'd have been a younger man the words might have sounded wistful but he'd lived long enough to hear what lay beneath them. "I met someone. He was going to take me away and we were going to see the world but he-"
Emmrich knew then what had happened, grief and loss something he had made a career out of.
"I didn't have anywhere else to go. I didn't have anyone else to turn to. Whatever dreams I'd had of leaving this place died with him."
Midday brought with it a blistering heat, the kind that left a haze above the tarmac of the highway and his collar sticking unpleasantly to his neck. Emmrich stood, hand curled around the door handle to his car, replaying his conversation with Rook again and again.
He should leave. Get back behind the wheel of his car and move on from this place.
Ding.
"Come with me."
He saw the surprise flit across her face as he flung the door open.
"What-"
"Come with me, Rook." Emmrich could feel his heart thudding beneath his rib cage, his hands held open wide as he met her stunned gaze with what he hoped was one of absolute confidence. "You wanted to travel and I have no idea where my journey is leading me, only that it cannot end here."
"Emmrich-"
"Come with me."
"You don't even know who I am."
"There will be time enough for that later." He took a step closer. "Let me be the one to take you from this place."
Her hesitation did not deter him. This choice, to ask her to leave the motel that brought her such sadness and come with him, was the first thing that had felt right since he had pulled off the highway the night before.
"Do you want to spend the rest of your life sitting behind that desk, waiting for the next lonely soul to stop?"
"No."
"Then come with me. There is so much to see out there and though I cannot explain why, I have never been so sure of something as I am that I was meant to find this place, find you-" Emmrich saw something shift in her gaze then. "-and take you from here."
"I'm not sure anyone ever really leaves this place."
"I would like to try."
They had stayed only long enough to turn the still blinking sign off and to lock the doors.
Despite the heat and almost blinding glare Emmrich had had no complaints when Rook asked if they could leave the roof down. Her legs were curled beneath her, body angled towards him as the wind tugged at the strands of hair that seemed to reside permanently free from her braid.
"Will you tell me of him? Of how you met?" He looked to her briefly, something loosening inside him with how at ease she was.
"It's a long story."
"I would like to hear it." The freckles that dusted her cheeks were already darkening and he fought to reach for her then, his hands tightening around the steering wheel. "If you care to tell it."
Emmrich could feel her watching him though he kept his gaze forward. "I was engaged, his name was Leo, but it wasn't… good. We'd been together since college, our parents were friends and everyone seemed so sure he was the best thing to happen to me."
There was a pause, a sharp inhale, before she continued.
"I remember trying to tell my parents what Leo was really like, the things he did when we were alone, but it was like they couldn't hear me and I didn't see that he was isolating me until everyone else was already gone. I woke up one morning and realised I was trapped. Alone."
The highway passed smoothly, the desert spreading as far as the eye could see.
"Then my mother died. My father couldn't cope and Leo wanted nothing to do with it. That was when I met him. He was kind, in a way that I hadn't known in years. He listened to me when I talked, about my mother, my memories of her… and then everything else though he needn't have. We tried to see each other as often as we could after it became… a thing… but it was hard. It hurt him to hide things though he understood why."
"He sounds like a good man."
"He was. And I loved him for it. I hadn't meant to but one day I woke up and realised he was all I wanted. I tried to tell Leo I was done, that I was leaving, but he-"
"Did not take it well?"
"He put me in the hospital." Emmrich could not hide the way his breath caught, the very thought of harming the one person you are meant to love above all others in such a way forcing the air from his lungs. "It was weeks before I could come home and Leo was worse after that. Didn't take me long to realise that he was going to be the death of me. So we made plans. We were going to meet, Leo had gone away for work, and just leave - I had nothing left, no one else to turn to that would listen anymore, and it felt like the only way I could escape it."
Emmrich could hear the way her voice had grown thick and turned to meet her gaze.
"There was a motel where we'd meet, far enough away from the city that I had been sure Leo knew nothing about it. I'd booked our normal room and was waiting but he didn't show. It wasn't like him, he always rang, so I thought maybe there'd be an issue at work."
"It wasn't work?"
"No. I went to the reception desk to see if he'd left a message. The manager at the time had the radio on and they were talking about a car that had crashed somewhere on the highway."
"My dear-"
"I knew it was him. They didn't say his name but I just knew. I could feel it then." Another sharp breath. "He was gone and I was alone again. I knew I couldn't go back to the city, couldn't go back home, so I…"
"Stayed."
"…yes."
It wasn't an uncomfortable silence that settled over the car then, just a heavy one. Emmrich thought to find something to say but words failed him as they continued to pass mile marker after mile marker. He wasn't sure when he reached for her hand, only finding it the easiest thing to lace his fingers through hers.
"Have you ever loved someone, Emmrich?"
"I always wanted to, that I know." Her question had cut through the quiet. "But I feel as if I have been at odds with things for so long that I can't truly remember. Though sometimes I have dreams…"
"Memories?" Her hand tightened around his, as if she was trying to ground the chaos that was his thoughts, as if she knew there was something in there waiting to be found.
"Perhaps. It's little more than flashes of things but I can't separate what's real from fantasy." A shimmer of light ahead drew his attention away. "Maker-"
A car, though it was little more than a wreck, smouldered further up the road - the damage was profound, a trail of parts and pieces scattered across the tarmac, forcing Emmrich to brake and pull off the road. It was terrible, a horrific thing that he would not wish upon anyone.
"Emmrich-" A hand settled against his jaw, drawing his gaze from the wreckage.
"That's- why does it look like-"
"Emmrich, look at me."
He did, hazel eyes wide.
"We've never made it this far before." A thumb swept over his cheek and he found himself leaning into her palm instinctively.
"What do you- that's- Rook, that's my-"
"They think it was relatively painless, that your injuries from the crash were so severe you would have died almost immediately. I took some comfort from that."
'I don't understand-"
"It was on the TV. I remember watching them clear the road."
"Rook-"
"I knew it was you but I think there was a small part of me that had hoped you would still pull into the parking lot. They showed the wreckage being towed and all I could think was that you would be devastated if you saw the damage."
Her thumb moved again and it was then he realised he was crying - she had caught a stray tear, blue eyes unwavering as she watched him. Emmrich thought to pry her hand away and leave the car, move towards the wreckage to help as if it was not obvious to them both that there was nothing left to save.
"I knew I couldn't go home. If Leo worked out what had happened, what I'd tried to do…" It could hardly be considered smile then, the corners of her mouth barely lifted. "But there was nothing else, nowhere I could go that I wouldn't think of you, of what we could have been… so I knew what I had to do."
"That's my car, Rook-"
"I'd finally found happiness with you, Emmrich, as close to the kind of thing you read about in story books, and a world without you and that happiness in it was not one I was interested in living in."
"Rook-"
"All I wanted was to be with you again." Her other hand lifted, both now cradled against his jaw. "This… this wasn't quite what I expected."
"Are you sure you don't want me to come and get you, my dear?" The phone crackled, held between her ear and her shoulder as she packed the last of her clothes into the small case that had been hidden in the back of the hallway cupboard for the last week.
"He shouldn't be home from the conference until tomorrow and I'm nearly packed anyway - as soon as I'm done I'll leave."
"Your phone-"
"I swapped the SIM card. He doesn't have this number."
"Did you-"
"As far as the neighbours are concerned, or care, I'm going to my dads."
"The truck-"
"Should be here any minute. I spoke to the rental guy and he said they were fine to pick it up from the motel."
She could hear the concern in his voice and smiled despite the lingering fear that she'd hear keys in the door before she could leave. With the last of her things packed away she zipped the case shut and steered it out into the hallway.
"I have my final handoff at the office in an hour, then I shall set off. I hope to be there before dark."
"Okay."
"Are you ready?"
She'd been ready for weeks, they both knew that. It had taken time to arrange everything, for Emmrich to arrange his transfer with work and for her to carefully lay the groundwork to make sure that her father would be cared for, but now the opportunity had finally presented itself.
"Yes. If I don't leave now-"
"I know. It's nearly over. After tonight you'll be free of him and can move on."
"With you."
"With me, my darling girl. Now get moving, I'll see you soon."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
The bell above the door chimed softly, the small reception quiet save for the hum of the radio.
"What can I get you, sweetheart? Your room okay?"
"It always is." She moved towards the desk, glancing briefly over her shoulder at the parking lot. "I was wondering if you'd had any messages for me."
"He not arrived yet?"
"No and I can't get him on his phone. I thought he might have tried to call through here."
"I've not had anything, love, but if I do I'll let you-"
The radio crackled.
"It has been confirmed by police that the driver of the vehicle that crashed out on the highway between Nevarra City and The Plains was pronounced dead on scene. They have not named the driver as of yet but the car has been identified as an older model convertible with Nevarran plates. We don't know when the road will be cleared yet and they aren't answering any more of our questions but as soon as we have more information-"
"It's such a shame when things like this happen. We had someone check in a little while ago that managed to get through before they closed the road. Maybe your man is caught in the traffic, hopefully they'll get the road cleared before it gets too late- sweetheart, you okay? Did you want to try and call him on the landline- sweetheart-"
Ding.
She could hear the voices outside the door despite the blanket pulled over her head.
"I tried to knock but she didn't answer."
"Are you sure it’s him?"
"They've regulars, I'd have recognised the photo they shared of him in a heartbeat. Such a lovely man, always so polite."
"Is there anyone we can call for her?"
"I got the impression she doesn't have anyone else. She was such a timid thing when they first came to stay with us but started to come out of her shell after a few visits. We always talked a little when she checked in and as far as I could work out, all they had was each other."
"Do you want to knock again?"
"Let her sleep. With what she heard on the radio last night and the TV announcements this morning… I'll come back and check on her in a little while."
It wasn't the first time the motel manager had knocked and a small part of her knew she'd keep trying but there was not a single piece of her that wanted to climb from beneath the blanket. It was a bubble, a tiny little space in which she could exist and tell herself that everything was fine, that she could pretend she'd still hear the familiar purr of his car pull into the parking lot.
But it wasn't fine.
She'd never hear the that car again.
Nor his gentle knock on the door or laugh when she launched herself into his arms after opening it.
She'd known it the minute she'd heard the radio announcement. When the TV had confirmed it this morning.
He was gone.
What was meant to have been the beginning of everything, the start of something new and beautiful, had become a living nightmare. There would be no more shared cups of tea in the mornings. No more soft conversations about the places she wanted to visit and things she wanted to see. No more… them.
The manager, a lovely woman that she would regret leaving to be the one to find her, would come back again. And again.
Leo would have arrived home from his conference already and be on the war path and she no longer had anyway of escaping, stuck but a few hours away.
A single, unpredictable moment had taken everything from her. There was nothing left.
It was over.
Or it would be shortly.
"Sable-"
How had he forgotten?
The same blue eyes. The same freckled cheeks and unruly hair. The same soft hands that still cradled his face.
How could he have forgotten her?
"Hi, Emmrich." She was crying as well now though she made no move to let go of him, the tears falling freely over her cheeks.
"I… died…"
"You did."
"What- how is this-"
"I don't know."
They weren't in the car anymore, the road empty save for the still burning wreckage, the motel just barely visible in the distance.
"If I- how are you-" His question was met with a soft, tear stained smile. "No- no-"
"I'm sorry."
"You said you stayed- the motel- please, no-"
"There was nothing left for me. I just wanted you."
"We know you've all been following the updates about the crash last night so we are sorry to confirm that there is more unfortunate news. Our source at the local police department confirmed they received a call from the motel out on the highway between Nevarra City and The Plains, yes that same stretch of highway, this morning. They haven't released a name yet but the cause of death is believed to be suicide-"
"This-"
"Was not what I thought would happen." Something rumbled in the distance, a low sound that he felt deep in his bones. "And despite the fact that I have you, this is somehow worse."
"What do you mean?" He reached for her then, hands trembling as if he expected her to disappear before his very eyes.
"You forget. Everything. Each time it restarts." She was warm beneath his hands and it broke something inside him to think he had forgotten the feel of her. "So for a moment I have you back but you don't know me. And it hurts. So much."
"I-"
"Then you remember, eventually, though its never taken this long before. But because you remember, it's going to restart, like it has every time, and I'll lose you all over again."
"I don't want to- this wasn't meant to-"
"I know."
"Why?"
"I gave up trying to understand a long time ago." There was not even an inch between them now. He could see every individual freckle and where her pale lashes, wet with tears, clumped together. "But whatever it is won't let us go."
The rumbling was louder now, the air growing heavier, and Emmrich, though he did not have the words for it, knew hers to be true.
"I love you, Emmrich, so much." It was the softest of kisses, little more than a brush of her mouth against his.
"I don't want to leave you."
"It's okay."
"I don't want to forget you."
"I know."
"Sable-"
"Just say it, please - you didn't get the chance last time."
"I love yo-"
It took a moment for the dust to clear as he climbed out of the car, the parking lot empty save for a truck that stood alone at the far end.
Ding.
A door opened behind him, the chime of the bell loud in the otherwise quite space.
She stood in the doorway, her braid tucked over her shoulder, blue eyes tired but smile warm. There was something familiar about her and Emmrich made no effort to stop himself from moving towards her.
Tags: Alternate Universe, Sequel, Body Horror, Liches, Fluff, Blood, Possession,
Chapters: 2/5 Rating: M
The Sequel to Secrets, Silence, & Sorrow.
Preview:
His eyes lowered back to Sastry's profile. Longing masked her features now. "Do you miss the Necropolis?" The question passed his lips before he had thoroughly weighed the words. For the briefest of moments he was back in the Fade Pocket, and witness to her as she looked out in to the void, desperation wild in her eyes. But the moment passed as quick as the breeze, and Sastry's eyes found him, a hint of sadness held there.
"It was the only home I ever knew so I do not think I will ever be rid of some sense of yearning or nostalgia," Sastry answered in a small voice. "I do not believe if I were to go back it would be the same though. How could it? Everything has changed. I've changed. And I think that is how it is supposed to be for those of us who are alive and draw breath."
Her head turned towards the fire. "That was something the Lich Lords forgot very quickly. What it was like to be alive. That there was wonder to still behold, even in a finite existence." Warm fingers laced themselves between his own and Sastry's head rested against his arm. "I would not want all the knowledge of eternity if the bargain was the feel of your lips against mine or the sound of your beating heart."
He is very good at napping. It’s one of the primary skills of a griffon after all. He doesn’t have any grown griffons to tell him so. But he has his dad.
“Come on, buddy. Are you really just gonna lay there all afternoon?”
“I’m gonna need you to get off my legs at some point, little guy, I can’t feel them anymore.”
“Are you going to leave any of that bed for me or are you going to just…sure. Help yourself. I didn’t need that pillow.”
Father’s praise is abundant and generous. Assan can hear the pride in it. He is a good fledgling. He has learned to nap well.
But it is important to have a community.
“Biiiiiiiiiiiiig stretch!” says the one who smells of forests and won’t let Assan in her room because it is ‘delicate,’ and ‘explosive,’ whatever that means.
Her eyes grow big with delight when Assan gets up. Front legs in a bow, back legs one by one. He curves in an elegant arch, and finally his wings in a great shudder that rattles his feathers all the way down to his lion tail.
He yawns and looks at his new friend.
Her eyes are very big. She’s sketching in her little book. “So cute!” she squeaks.
Assan preens.
“Hello Assan!” says Manfred’s Dad.
He is older, which means he has survived a long time. There are a lot of things in the world that will Eat You if you are not careful. Assan respects this.
“You’re a very good boy,” he praises Assan, and Assan believes him. He does not know about the nest of books Assan and Manfred have been building behind the bookcase.
Then Assan is raking his claws against the kitchen door.
The door opens. And the one that smells like Spite pokes his head out.
Assan freezes with his claws still inside the door, several deep rents decorate it.
They stare at each other. Assan worries perhaps he has intruded on the wrong territory. He does not want to upset the one who smells like Spite. The one who smells like Spite gives very very good treats.
The man’s eyes narrow at the markings in his door.
Then he nods.
“Sharp. Good!” and he gives Assan a bit of fish.
The one who smells like Spite also has very good claws that he keeps on his belt and in his boots and other places Assan cannot see. He is always sharpening them.
Assan slides down the door with several satisfying scrapes.
"I don't know if I'll make it that long. I…I can't do this, Solas. At their whim I turn into a mindless slave, and I can't do it again. I'll throw myself overboard or slit my own throat if I have to, but…"
She trailed off, unable to voice it. The horrors she endured more than a decade ago, wholly against her will and without her own mind, washed over her like a tidal wave and smothered her very being.
"I…may have a solution."
The reluctance in his voice made her fists clenched. "Don't put yourself out on my account."
He sighed, the special world-weary one he seemed to reserve just for her. "I have been amassing as much power as I'm able to in this prison for the hopeful eventuality that I will be freed. I am willing to impart upon you a boon of it, if you will accept it."
A boon from a god. She supposed she ought to feel honored. "What exactly are you offering?"
Solas's features tightened. "I can strengthen the barriers of your mind, preventing blood magic from taking hold of it. You will feel the tug of their will, but you will bear the ability to choose whether you obey or not."
Renya gaped at him. "You can do that?"
"I cannot prevent blood magic being used to cause you physical harm. But you will not be controlled."
"That…" her heart beat a little quicker, the rational part of her mind screaming at her to remember who she was dealing with. "What would you ask of me in return?"
Two days ago, I was surprised by an outpouring of love from so many people in the Emmrook fandom. I am unbelievably touched by all the kindness and generosity, and I'm still reeling from it all. Some of the messages I received included art, edits, and poems that I absolutely have to share here, because there's far too much talent for one person to enjoy alone.
Please support these artists and writers. They deserve every bit of the love they've shown me, and so much more! 💚🩷💜
Thank you @svanha for this masterpiece! 🥹
Thank you @starfleetteddybear for these wonderful previews of my fic The Time We Have. They're such a creative idea and I wish I'd done this for all my chapters! 🫂
Thank you @dreamweaverofdusk for this beautiful poem! I'm honestly so flattered. And thank you Ruck for the stunning art! You two really came together to make something special for me. 🥲
Thank you @y00ms for this brilliant bust of Vae! The colours and her expression are simply gorgeous. She looks like a supermodel on the cover of a magazine. 💅
Thank you @lilacvolkarin for this adorable portrait of Vae! It actually made me squeal the second I saw it. Her hair looks so floofy, and I live for floof! 🥹
Thank you @strand-art-side for this hilarious and entirely too accurate comic of Vae stealing a kiss from her man! 😏
I love it so much. It had me wheezing. 🤣
Thank you @lkblackham for the cutest drawing I think I've ever seen! Vae being carried by Atash as they laugh together truly heals something inside me. 😊
I also want to give another thank you to @omabell-illustriert and @basic-x-witch for the lovely pieces they drew for me here and here! They also left me the most heartwarming messages. 🥰🩷
And thank you again to @deny-the-issue for this breathtaking painting, and @paramortality for taking the time to snap so many fabulous screenshots of my Rook with their vastly superior PC. I could never take pics like this. 😍
I'm so lucky to have met you, and I genuinely can't thank you enough for these precious gifts! Whoever would've thought that one pale, skinny old man could bring so many people together? I hope every one of you understands how loved you are, too! 💗