Did you know that the leading cause of divorce is related to finances? That’s a lot to chew on. Money is power (control) and with great power comes great responsibility.
During my first few months of marriage, my husband and I kept our separate accounts, continued to pay our separate bills (credit cards, students loans), and when we went out we’d hope the other person would pick up the tab. When we paid the mortgage or utilities, I’d ask him to Chase Quickpay me some monies for “his” portion.
That’s kinda sad, now that I reflect on it. We weren’t roommates, we were married! But we were still stuck in the “my” mentality, instead of the “our” mentality. It was hard getting there, but once we started YNAB **, it pushed us to join forces out of simplicity’s sake, if anything. The fewer accounts, the better. One credit card. One checking.
As I mentioned in my Welcome post, I’m an accountant and my husband is a freelance writer. So by default, I was “in control” of the finances. He happily passed over his control to me. Sounds like a woman’s dream, right? Eh.
At first, I was happy taking care of everything. I enjoyed budgeting so it was nice having no one butting into my routine. I only asked that he input his expenses (phone app or computer) in a timely fashion. But then I started to become the “All-Knowing, Budget Police”.
Every payday, I’d allocate all our money to our different categories (mostly bills) and then shortly after complain that we were broke and needed to stop spending money.
Or better yet, the hubby would check our bank balance and ask, “Babe, I see we have money in the account, but do we really have money?”
I wanted to scream, “DID YOU LOOK IN THE BUDGET!?” I was losing patience with him and fast.
Near mid-August of this year, my husband quit his daytime job to write full time. I fully supported it. I actually pushed him to do it. Sure, we would lose a bit of income, but we’d manage. In short, September and October went horribly!
In just two months, we accumulated $3,500 on our (one and only) credit card and were nearing our limit. Then something amazing happened: My husband got mad. He had never carried a balance before on his credit card and he couldn’t stand it! It was really bothering him. I was used to it, unfortunately, but his anger was a blessing in disguise.
That one fateful night in November, I printed out our monthly YNAB reports and showed him the deficits we ran the last two months. Seeing it on paper really hit the nerve for my husband. It wasn’t me nagging. He could now see it for himself, both on the reports and on the credit card statement.
There was yelling and frustration, but then I uttered something that I knew would be the answer (and had for so long been afraid to say).
"Let’s stop using our credit cards."
His eyes widened and he also knew this was the answer. We planned, we strategized and agreed that he start taking over the budgeting role (for a bit). And you know what? I felt like a huge burden was taken off my chest. I finally felt like we were on the same page and saw the same goals.
Ever since that moment we hadn’t touched our credit cards, and it. is. AWESOME! I’ve never felt freer, and I actually quite enjoy the challenge. Finding ways to save money or cut costs (and actually doing it) is kinda fun. Our November month-end report proved our hard work (as I mentioned in my previous post, Budgeting Software) and it was so satisfying.
A couple weeks ago, my mother-in-law wanted to go out for dinner with the whole family, which was not uncommon, but this was shortly after our “turning point”. My husband and I looked at each other, both knowing our YNAB Eating Out balance = $0, and didn’t have much room elsewhere. My husband then replied, “Sorry, Mom. We just can’t afford it right now.” This reassured me that I could now remove my “Budget Police” officer’s badge.
No worries. Shortly after, I suggested everyone come over and I make dinner. Pasta is an easy please-er, and we played a board game afterwards. I’d say that worked out even better!
Moral of the story is: If you’re sharing your finances, be sure to have those tough talks with your partner and be clear you’re seeing the same goals. Life is much better when you’re on the same team :)
I wish you happiness, prosperity and financial independence.
**This link gives you a $6 discount for being a GOAB reader! With our combined forces we shall save money TOGETHER!!
