my mom lived paycheck to paycheck. to appear respectable and keep that job, working alongside and under white people, she had to keep her hair permed or covered. natural hair wasn't really acceptable anywhere, it's considered a BIG political statement to have an afro or dreads. some men in my family have dreads, like her dad. it's a real source of pride and sign of mental/spiritual fortitude because white people treat you like real scum when you have dreads. most of the other guys around me growing up had cornrows or buzzed hhair.
ive never actually seen her or my younger sister's natural hair texture that i can recall. that makes me kinda sad... my features generally favor my dad's, so i was told my hair was the "best" in the house- its 4c like theirs but i have a different curl pattern from theirs, and my hair grows fast.
it's still a variation on 4c. to keep my natural afrotextured hair straightened:
i got a perm every 3-4 months that might take up a whole day. they slather a chemical (there's a cutesy box just for kids) on the hair that straightens it. it gets itchy, very itchy, but you can't scratch it. it burns. if you're old enough and thorough enough to wash it out on your own you can get in the shower.
if it gets wet in that 3-4 months it has to be redone. any swimming or showering is supposed to involve covering your hair. cover hair immediately if it starts to rain.
you're supposed to sleep with it covered but. y'know. neurodivergent child. the results of wet permed hair, bed head or
mom would get me and my sister up at 5am (4 on picture day 😤) and fix our hair before school. put in moisturizer, straighten it from whatever bedhead with a hot flat iron, style it... some styles are simpler than others, but a simple style is much easier to mess up, and i put my hands in my hair a lot. it's disruptive to focusing in school: tight rubber bands, sharp pins, hard barrettes that smack me in the teeth and eyes when i try to run and play. curls are added with a very hot curling iron, my ears got burned if i squirmed. all kids squirm, but im very squirmy.
a protective style like braids is less daily maintenance, but not comfortable. if my hair needed to be braided, i had to sit for 4-8 hours. i would cry about how tight the braids were and occasionally pulled braids out of my own head to relieve discomfort. i didn't have braids in often or long.
you can shave it or keep it short, but theres notions of gender conformity to worry about. white people will treat you like you're inhuman no matter what, but being a black woman with short and/or nappy hair makes you the picture of undesirability for lot of people. especially if you're fat, expect some reeeeeal dehumanizing treatment.
wigs and weaves are a cheaper and less time-consuming option. personally, i can't manage daily hair maintenance because im chronically ill. im also a trans guy who was closeted (for safety) for a long time, so i cut my hair short and started wearing wigs exclusively for a while. it's not always easy or cheap to make them look natural, and people will really tear you down over a bad wig or weave. people also generally regard this as "cheating" or "lying" and as a failure to adequately perform femininity.
full days dedicated to cultivating a single style are expected of black women and children because of white supremacy and eurocentric beauty standards.
this is normal but uh. kind of horrific. things do seem better now than when i was a kid! i love seeing little kids with protective and locked natural hair, because they should get to grow up comfortable, and also be comfortable with themselves.
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