important post. (TW for suicide??)
ok,,,so,,, ,since my mom has taken me off meds, stopped taking me to therapy and tbh probs just don't give a flying shit about my mental health, I think the only way to get help is to try to attempt.
I have tried before, but the rope broke or I pussied out, but this time I'm going to do it.....after my birthday...or just maybe after summer school.....because my mom will HAVE to take me to the hospital, get pumped out (yes, Ill be using meds) and be taken to a hospital where ill get help!!! sure she might ground me or beat my ass after i come back...but its worth it ig..
"'CALLS CPS OR THE COPS!!'
Uhl, last time I tried doing that, it didn't end up so well. I got scolded and grounded... for "lying" when my mom downplayed everything she does to me...
My plan is just to fucking take a bunch of pills.... and see if I'll wake up in a hospital, I guess... but there's just one thing that worries me.
What if I don't make it??
I don't even know.,.maybe Ill get what ive always wanted, but then again, there are so many people I dont want to leave behind... I don't want to make my siblings wonder why I'm doing this, why Im in the hospital,,,,
Its also my mom that's the bigges.t problem. Last time I tried to fucking km she grounded me for a good while... took everything away from me and I fucking hated it...
I have already fucking cut myself so much (counted 200 in total) and that's just OK???/
I'm not saying it is, but I'm...IDK man
I know this may be a stupid plan, but I'm not going to make it alive in 3 years and even if I do, I'm not going to have any money, or a place to live or a car to drive...
No one!! But I'm just going to try. If I don't do it, then I'll give my account to the people I trust the most.
I really do love all of you guys.
@deadlydevouts .ekko you are one of the best people I've ever fucking met in my life. No, not even one of the best. You ARE the best person I've met in my life. I really love talking to you. You always know how to make my day a little brighter. You always know how to make me laugh or smile or giggle. I won't ever forget the day I first met you, weird ass pedo.giggles... I trust you to have my account. Taking care of everything. I love you so much, Ekko. If I do make it out alive (which I will), I'll make sure we can live together and just do nothing all day but be fucking chuds :3
@erbrechen44 : You're also one of the best people I've ever met on here. You're so fucking awesome, and, and you look up to you as an artist. Your art inspires me and I love the way we joke around together....send each other things.... and understand each other... jerking off jern.. Yes. i have no idea waht to say but all i know is that youre so fucking awesome man, dont let some pussies take you down!!?
@bl00dycupcakez : youre my best friend, always have been since 7th grade, and I'm so fucking grateful you're still my best friend. You've brought me into so many fandoms, been with me through tough times andve done the same with you. Sure, we've had some fights here and there but they're not that often and I really love you. youve always been there for me since day one. I will always think about the day we went to the BFDI x TPOT tour <333
@clumsyclownfool: you too have been my best friend from the start, and I'm so glad you have been well. youre just a ray of sunshine in my eyes and will always be my clown.... because you always make a laugh come out of my mouth.not a jester who makes a fool out of yourself. I really do love you... I won't ever forget the day we met.....and im glad you did come over here... I love your art style and your feelings. I enjoy everything
@shslcyuutie : I know weve had our fights and cries, but I really do love you. You've always meant so much to me, there isn't a time when I don't think about you, replay the shit we did together, spending our minutes, hours and days together. Even if they didn't last long, theyve always meant so much to me. I just wish I could've been better for you. maybe sooner or later I will. Everything I've done is always for you. Even if it's bad, I still have everything you've given me. The rocks, drawings, letters and plushies, theyre always near me no matter what.
i really do love you all <3/p
(ok edit bc all ts was so fucking dumb
i have a doctors appointment soon after summer school.
im gonna tell my mom to leave the room to talk to the doctor about smt ive been thinking of then just straight up tell her and see what happens, if nothing does happen then the pills i go back to.)
@corpse-of-stars @holymuttz @clockwisest @vanillabean5645 @viciousskulltraveler @gunsandscrews @flavorofjirais @frenchvanilla311 @fluffydeserts @d-1-zzz @wafflepigeon178
