Tomorrow I start my post grad job
Tomorrow I start my first position after graduating college with a degree in Environmental Engineering. I’m so nervous. I feel like I’ve already screwed up. They sent me a list of documents to complete. I printed them out a week ago and just began to complete them an hour ago. It didn’t take long but there was a few that I could have already returned to the sender. I know this isn’t a major issue but I don’t want to start on the wrong foot. My mind keeps thinking maybe I should abort. Maybe I shouldn’t have jumped straight into a job 3 weeks after graduating when I’ve been working since I was 15. Maybe a longer break would have made me more prepared. However, I went to an amusement park today with my boyfriend. I haven’t been on a rollercoaster in years. And haven’t been to a water park probably since I was 8. But I didn’t want him to miss out on doing anything of the attractions, so I sucked up my fear and went for it. I actually can’t recall if I’ve ever been down a water slide, so climbing 5 flights of stairs to the one he wanted to do was frightening. Right before it was our turn, (it was a set of 4 different slides) the girl in front of us chickened out. I wanted to take her hand and walk her down the stairs so I too could escape my nerves. But she decided to go down after her father came up to console her. So I went too, mostly because again I didn’t want my boyfriend to go it alone. It was great and half as scary as I predicted. I’m trying to view this start in the same way, not allowing my emotions from seeking out a great opportunity. While writing the email for the few documents that had to be returned electronically, I began to see everything I accomplished in the last four years. I attached my hazwoper 40 certificate and EIT license and recalled the stress that both has caused. I did the hazwoper 40 in 4 days, which is taught at my college as a semester long course. I studied at least a couple hours a week for three months for the EIT exam, and found the actual exam to be much easier than what I studied for. The day of graduation I felt no feeling of pride or accomplishment as one would have expected. It had all happened so fast. I could only stand to keep up with my assignments and exams while working a couple of jobs at a time and learning the ropes of living on my own for the first time with my significant other. Instead on the day of graduation I felt that maybe I had made a mistake. I am a very black and white person. I know what I want for my life. I want a farm and to know the feeling of feeding, housing, and clothing myself entirely from the fruit of my own labor. I can start that dream whenever, and learn the skills I will need to live that life while following this career path. I feel accomplished at this moment. Let’s see if I feel this way at 8 AM tomorrow morning in dress pants and a button up.
