I think I'm a good person but I don't know for sure

I love bears and old-timey robots.

[just-bears-here]

[gutternonsense]

who is she

[pissvortex]

Country roads, take me home To the place

[gutternonsense]

I lovehate this so much

[humorduke]

[gutternonsense]

this came back around and I had already liked it and I stand by that decision

[gutternonsense]

[fatmagic]

[gutternonsense]

current mood

[dankmemesforsadteens]

[gutternonsense]

I have no idea why this is funny but this is so fucking funny

[determinate-negation]

this is the scariest tweet ive ever seen reading this made me feel like im in the twilight zone

[riseofthecommonwoodpile-deactiv]

<I>what the fuck is buffalo chicken dip</I>

[immortal-maschine]

it’s 2028, alexa informs you that a radiation storm is rolling in from the eastern wastes as your food replicator slowly prints a plate of soy protein wings. your wife holoprojects from work to tell you she has another nine hours at the amazon warehouse and she’s gotta go before she burns her unpaid five minute lunch break. the seven friends you’re sharing a studio apartment with are huddled on the floor, each jacked into vr rigs. the superbowl is endless and your heart is a yawning void.

[fallcaesar]

[gutternonsense]

your heart is a yawning void tho

[disturbingpictures]

[cupcakes-and-lithium-deactivate]

NO

[gutternonsense]

yes.

[maruki]

i don’t know who blessed us with the editing for this show, but this is the single funniest thing i’ve ever seen

[gutternonsense]

cinema

[thebootydiaries]

It’s a breezy summer day and the rustling from the leaves outside sound like whispers from my small apartment. I’m sitting in front of my laptop, silently studying the 1.6 billion faces speaking simultaneously in front of me. It’s Monday, the day of the weekly conference call between all Muslims. We have been required to attend this Skype meeting from the the tender age of fetus, but I had never spoken in one of them before. 

That changes today. 

“Hey guys, what if…” I start to say. 

Nobody hears me, but I refuse to be silent. How could I show my face again on Tumblr if I couldn’t even save my mayonnaise friends from death? How could I expect to earn their respect? Anon was right; why hadn’t I done this before? Thousands of lives had paid the price for my ignorance, but not anymore.

“What if you guys….. stopped killing people.“ 

Suddenly, silence. 

1,643,398,023 pairs of eyes are on me. My heart is in my throat as the ISIS leader gives me a blank expression. 

A single tear rolls down my cheek. "Please.” I say with a broken voice. 

He is moved. 

“Aight”.

[thebootydiaries]

My fingers are almost shaking as I carefully type in the ten digit phone number I have had memorized my entire life. The buttons on my home phone seem to glow a bit more dull, and even the ringing of the phone from the other end seems to be agonized, almost as if the world is telling me to hang up. But I refuse to give up; I can’t let my white lily friends down. Not again.

The phone rings once. Twice. Three times. Still no answer. Just as I am about to hang up, there is a click.

All I can hear is heavy breathing.

“Hello….” I say quietly, my voice shaking. “Is….. Is this Muslim?”

There was a long silence before I heard a voice answer “ya lol”.

“I was thinking………..” I begin cautiously. “Maybe murder is…………bad.”

“Habibi, I…..I don’t understand. What are you trying to say….?” The voice seems shaken.

“What if…….world peace is good and killing people is…………not good”

He lets out an audible gasp. “Are you saying ISIS is…….bad?”

“Maybe death is…….not good.” I continue. My heart is racing. I remind myself that I am saving thousands of lives, and inhale.

The silence from the other end of the line is almost deafening. He seemed to be thinking, as if he had never considered this idea before in his life. Truly I had opened his heart and his mind. This…. This could end terrorism.

“Muslim….Please.” I whisper.

I hear a tear roll down his cheek, with my Muslim Communication Hearing™ and hold my breath as he finally breathes out his next words.

“Kk.”

[daddybroskey]

“I hear a tear” How do you hear a tear?

[thebootydiaries]

Ah, you must not be Muslim,

[gatoradebong]

Can anyone name one (1) great European achievement from the past 50 years?

[paulwelsey]

scottish twitter 

[spelledslots]

those cat pictures with russian captions 

[roonie-here-deactivated20201127]

the “are they helium balloons?!” vine

[despazito]

[gutternonsense]

[drawingwithdinosaurs]

[gutternonsense]

*phil collins whispers* i’ve been waiting for THIS moment all my life

[fresh2definitely]

Fuck you if you drive

[ryangoslingofficial-deactivated]

[gutternonsense]

this is the best valentine’s day post ever

[skunkandburningtires]

[gutternonsense]

me finding a $5 bill in my pants

[gutternonsense]

[babyanimalgifs]

[gutternonsense]

this is so beautiful

[prestoncarbonaro-deactivated202]

[gutternonsense]

aloofah