âBut what you love to see are faces that do work and feel thirst.â
Iâve been restless lately, and full of more questions than answers -- is what Iâm doing right, and good, and enough? Where do I go from here? Not having answers can be paralyzing, and as days turn into weeks I become weighted down by anxiety, by the fear that I will stagnate and look back on all this time as lost, wasted. Which is of course ridiculous. I have so much. I have quiet moments in bed with black tea and candles, sometimes the warm, solid body of someone I love. I have subway books. I have a job I am good at (if occasionally bored at), where I was promoted. I have stovetop popcorn and parents who could not love me more and music that makes me feel simultaneously grounded and impossibly light. A new apartment to fill with plants and art and laughter. Most importantly I have the freedom and guts to ask the questions I need to ask, to seek out the answers and not shy away from things that are scary. Scary is good. Scary is what makes stories worth telling, people worth knowing, life a little fun, even. I want to do and be so many things -- I need to let this fact energize me and make me proud, not suction my feet to the ground. I want to be happy, and loved. I am, and I will be.Â















