[goth-queen]

[sneakyfeets]

Me, plunking Stinky Bastard Man’s carrier on the counter: hi he’s here for shots and a nail trim and he’ll need to be sedated

Nurse: Are you sure? We can try-

Me: he needs to be sedated

Nurse: Well, it’ll take longer-

Me: he needs to be sedated, he will try to rip your face off

Nurse: Well we’ll try without first and we’ll let you know if we need to sedate

Me, watching her carry him away: you will need to sedate him

Nurse, coming back 10 minutes later clutching her hand: so, we will need to sedate him

Me:

[sneakyfeets]

A man with 3 caution stickers on his med file

[dogpuppy]

[standandwatchshitburn]

why so silent good messieurs

[nsfwitchy2]

I’m SEVERELY disappointed this post didn’t include the eye witness statement of the mirror crash incident in question

[leshermes]

June 1st is TOMORROW. It means that GAY PEOPLE will exist, but only for ONE MONTH. Do not forget to buy your tickets to see them NOW, or else you will have to wait AN ENTIRE YEAR to be able to meet them AGAIN.

[wizardarchetypes]

absolutely looosssinggg it. i'm so obsessed with movies which portray the woman MC in a highly specific job because the writers clearly think it's like "off-beat" and "quirky" but have no idea how the field works whatsoever.

i decided to try a romcom i somehow missed i the 2000s 'head over heels' and i got 3 and a half minutes in and we're introduced to the lonely MC with bad taste in men as evidenced by her extremely short list of ex boyfriends, including her first boyfriend when she was 11 or something because i guess that's still relevant in her adult life.

so she's resigned herself to never finding love and prefers to ignore men to focus all her energy into her career.

this job is immediately presented as though it's for spinsters with no hope of ever finding a man.

the mc's lesbian bestie (whose first line involves her being scolded for being too sexual in the workplace, but moving on) points out their colleagues as evidence that they're doomed to a romance-less, sexless life if they don't switch up their shared career path. the colleagues are three old women, so-dubbed "the menopause triplets":

these women are presented as if they have no idea what's going on at any given moment. this is 2001, and presumably this is an entry level job requiring low effort and no experience.

then their boss bursts into the room, unceremoniously bumping a large painting into the door jam and walls, announcing that it's a new project for our MC.

our MC is thrilled to see the painting. apparently it's a light in the daily slog at her dreary job for loser women with nothing going on in their lives.

And that job is? Conservator of paintings (specializing in Renaissance) at the New York City Metropolitan Museum of Art.

The painting being handled like an old couch on its way to the curb?

The Bacchanal of the Andrians by Titian.

Her lesbian colleague who is presumably also a a highly trained & skilled curator finds it depressing that the MC is so excited about the painting.

it's a quirk unique to this MC that she cares so much about paintings, in her department at the metropolitan museum of art, where her colleagues find all that art business rather dreary. because we all know that's what conservators in extremely competitive museum positions are like.

[wizardarchetypes]

I'm not saying there can't be lifelong love in here somewhere but I also just feel like the monogamous heterosexual marriage you're fantasizing about isn't necessarily best represented by the bacchanal. and that's okay. but i do stand by that.

[greelin]

the weight this image holds

[greelin]

happy pride month everybody

[eroscestlavie]

when you’re a gay lion and you accidentally tried to introduce your lesbian lioness friend to one of her own exes at a gay bar and she goes into the bathroom and bitches you out for not being able to tell her endlessly rotating cast of girlfriends apart which isn’t really fair because first of all they all keep dyeing their hair different colors and second of all she keeps getting back together with different ones at different times and meanwhile you’ve been “single” for like 8 months but are spending a lot of time with one specific guy who works at your old co-op and were going to excitedly tell her about it tonight but now you’ve ruined the whole subject of dating by trying to introduce her to her own ex at a gay bar (which is a watering hole. because you’re lions.) 

[officialkendallroy]

GIRL 😭😭😭

[riotlion]

Why did he do that tho 😂

[roughentumble]

[tahthetrickster]

me: i have a very specific tumblr accent meme im thinking of that surely i should be able to pull up by searching the text in the meme

the most dogshit useless decimated search engine in the entire world:

[tahthetrickster]

i did find it btw but having a COMPUTER address me like it’s a person sent me into such an incandescent rage i nearly pitched my phone clear across the room

[borzoibabe]

did you know?

- the menu at a restaurant is not an ingredient list you can use to create new dishes we could hypothetically make for you instead of the choices on the menu

- we do not have omelets on the menu because we do not make or serve omelets

- yes, i know we have eggs on the menu, but we still do not have omelets.

- yes, i realize omelets are eggs, but not all eggs are omelets, and the eggs we serve are not omelets.

- you cannot out-logic me so that i cave in and ring in an omelet for you. i am better at arguing than you are.

- there are no omelets here. there have not been, and will not be, omelets here. if you want an omelet you will need to go somewhere else.

- i can also promise that you do not want an omelet cooked by line cooks who have not been trained how to make omelets. because we don't sell omelets.

- no, i am not going to single-handedly put service on pause for the next twenty minutes while three cooks google how to make an omelet and then proceed to fuck up multiple omelets that our kitchen is not set up to prepare, so you can have an omelet.

-and we both know you'd bitch if it takes longer than six minutes to come out anyway.

- no, you may not just go back into the kitchen and make yourself an omelet. the line cooks do not take kindly to trespassing. also, what the hell.

- i hear that you want an omelet. that does not change the fact that we do not offer omelets. if you want to eat an omelet, you will need to go to another restaurant that does have omelets on the menu. this is not negotiable.

- i am the manager.

- yeah, alright, go fuck yourself too, bob.

[borzoibabe]

literally today a woman came in to the restaurant i work at, looked at the menu, looked around at all the tables eating, watched us take orders, watched us run food out to table. and then she approached me and asked "is this a restaurant?"

i thought for sure i misheard her, but no. she was asking "is this a restaurant?", almost as if maybe she had heard of the concept of restaurants but had never experienced one for herself, and she needed to get confirmation from somebody else.

i could not control my face. i had to walk away and another coworker had to step in to kindly explain that yes, the restaurant is a restaurant.

i would never lie to you.

[ode-on-a-grecian-butt]

[twomothsholdinghands]

[beggars-opera]

I will never forget the flight I took to Paris in college and the tiny adorable child in the seat in front of me with his nose pressed against the window looking at the lights and squealing "OOOOOOH, C'EST MAGNIFIQUE!!!"

[thefloatingstone]

REAL!!!!

REAL!!!!!

[toopunktofuck]

my friend and i had to leave an ice cream shop once because a small child who sounded exactly like JFK ordered some rum raisin and we couldn’t fucking handle it

[the-quasar-hero]

You’ll now notice that none of those shovelware mobile game ads never have a Black main character. You’d think with so many of them this would happen incidentally or even occasionally, but you’d be wrong

[the-quasar-hero]

You’ll now notice that almost every video game that has character customization will always have the base character be white and use that model for the cover and promos for the game.

[the-quasar-hero]

You’ll now notice how Ancient Egyptian themed/coded characters 99% of the time are the lightest possible shade of brown.

[the-quasar-hero]

It’s imperative that while reading these you imagine me doing a waving hand gesture a lá Obi Wan Kenobi

[thepromiscuousfinger]

[snapcracklepop-myjoints]

Babe we NEED pics of your rubber cuck collection

so actually ☝what i collect is DUCKS

[maddie-grove]

I really like this website because somebody will be like “there’s nothing wrong with darting out from behind a parked car into traffic, bootlicker” and you can be like okay this clearly evolved from a valid point about how the US is too car-centric. But something happened to it.

[jamiemccrimmon]

[muppetshow2026]

you may think misogyny is good because it is made up of miso, which is delicious, and gyny, which is woman. and girl miso sounds great. but 👆 it is not girl miso

[getbentdaily-deactivated2025122]

"Miso" is Greek for "hatred". "Gyny" is Greek for "woman" Misogyny literally means "hatred of women".

The word "misogyny" is always associated with the unnecessary hatred and abuse of women. No one ever thinks about this word in a positive light.

[muppetshow2026]

will you ever forgive me

[muppetshow2026]

jesus christ did i fucking kill them im sorry

[tobiasdrake]

you may think homicide is good because it is made up of homo, which is gay, and cider, which is delicious. And gay cider sounds great. but 👆 it is not gay cider