Google Voice, transcribed

We collect the funniest Google Voice voice mail transcriptions around.

[gvtranscribe]

an NNN men net net net net net net net do do do do do do do an enema number ofan elaborate about what about the debate about the debate about the debate aboutpeople but about to pop a pill popper poppin shooby dooby dooby doo bybut about the moondon't enter the dividend dividend dividend dividend paid by Pat about theDepartment of the bobbitt Abbottabad Abbottabad about but about that but abit about the debate about the debate about what about that about the debateabout that at the Opera

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Hi mark 2016 coverage...Pardon me.....

This call maybe recorded for quality assurance before we share more information. Let's quickly check if you've already signed up for health care coverage in 2016 to Please tell me yes, or no. Have you already selected a hi mark plan for your 2016 coverage. Pardon me, Please say yes, or no. Have you already selected a hi mark plan for your 2016 coverage. Okay, Did you select the plan from another carrier? Pardon me, Please say yes, or no did you select a plan for your 2016 coverage from another carrier other than Hi mark Alright then you want to listen to the following information to make sure you have the health insurance plan that fits your needs in 2016 Please say yes, or no may I continue. I'm sorry did you say yes, I may continue? I apologize I'm having trouble hearing you well since this information is important will go ahead and continue with the call if you don't want to hear this information please feel free to hang up now. This is important because you have to take action to keep your health insurance coverage your current plan ends on December 31st 2015 We have lots of different Hi mark plans you can choose with low premiums and costs for the services you use most online tools that can save you money and no referrals if you need to see a specialist keep in mind you need to sign up for a plan by December 15th, so you'll have coverage starting on January 1st. So that you get all the financial help that you may qualify for Hi mark can help you enroll in a new plan through the health insurance market place to do that you can search online at Discover. Hi mark.com or talk to your local insurance agent also in a moment. We have representatives available who can help you find a hi bart plan That's right for you, but first would you like me to repeat that information? Please say yes, or no would you like me to repeat that information? Alright as we mentioned we have representatives available to help you we can actually connect you with one of them right now would that be okay. Pardon me, Please say yes, or no would you like me to connect you now? I apologize I'm having trouble hearing you well since we do want to speak with you will go ahead and connect you now.

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Need a little feel...

This is killed of Smith at 555-5555. I would want wanted to get the chance, I would like for you to call me cause I need a little feel this morning. Thank you and that steelsmith on the Smith's farms.

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Wedding caterer called me. I can assure you that "Star that pussy" is not their actual name.

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phil zimmerman

OK

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Do you want someone to take this over for you? I'm #totes #down

No, but I love having more submissions! I just get sidetracked and SQUIRREL!!

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The caller swears he didn't sing N SYNC.

Hey Honey, It's me. I just saw your just give me a call at the I was gonna give you a call. Anyway, if I could talk to you about that Yeah, I guess that the like to talk about. Where Your Copy. Bye, bye bye byeBut I get the don't, slowly understand exactly were fricken Birthday. I hope I have, okay bye bye Yeah,anyway. I guess. Give me a call. Or, give me a text want to be a good time to talk, got quite a bit about it.I love you honey. I hope your But as well. So sorry to. That's Okay bye bye, arts crafts, that has a byebye hello. Yes, but. Just give me a text or something. I love you. 

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Hello, Yes call. This. From our local Kroger store. With an important recall announcement. Please. at 800 Yes paper. Your message will begin IN 8 seconds. Room in your yeah, wanted to alert you. Yeah emails. Ortega 1.25 pounds. Yoko seasoning mix,original 440% less 30 M Ortega, hey house. 4 16 ounce, taco sauce. Yeah. While medium, or hot. Ortega, 8 out punch a lot of size your tech data. 10 ouncetalk to the other kids. Yeah Ortega. Yeah I bounce. Yeah feel for 2 tickets. Yeah Ortega your, 18.6 ounce, yeah. Hope we talk. Okay Ortega. Yeah, 21.3 ounce, brought a hard Yes, I was talking to dinner kit bye. 4 Ortega, 8.5 your, 9.8 ounce, Yes, the flask it. Your kind of. ON. Or, between, yay 18th. Yeah1,015 30. November 10th. Yeah, 1,017 that has been recall. Bye. The product may contain Pena, and almond. And if you can could resolve. Yeah severe allergic reaction. In person sensitive. Your penis, and almond yay return the product to the store. For a full refund. If you have any questions Yes call. Yeah. E. N. G foods, yeah, at1. Yeah 877. Yeah 99 Yes, Hi. 76. Yes message is possible. Yeah, because you are one of our well customers, hey. He's door shock referred to make this purchase. Yankee. Ohh per being a kroger customer. Bye.

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Thanks jacket... or killings

Hey hey, I saw I can you. Hello to select 3 30. OK when you get adding your Sarah, thanks jacket or killings give me a call. Bye

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Google Android voice input (voice-to-text) works almost flawlessly, while Google Voice message transcription is almost always jibberish. Why would one work so well & the other so poorly?

That is an excellent question.

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He has the money, alright

Hi. This is a just let you know I'm in the hospital in prison, I have the money alright.

(Note: This was actually a message from my dad telling me he was in the hospital with pneumonia.)

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HAPPY MF-ers

Hi. I can't talk to you now, but I will go ahead and give me a radiant. I love you and let me say how I can say Happy motherfuckers and I think it Hey. Okay, I'll talk to you. I'm okay. We're on our way home from with you tell I had a great day today. Bye bye. So yeah.

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what

Chicken butt

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WHO IS THIS?

THIS IS GOOGLE VOICE

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Thank you!

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[gvtranscribe]

The agent stand nasty

"Hey man it's, Cheryl. I just wanted to touch base with you. I had a phone from. The agent stand nasty and she said that. They're her client tractor. Nicky urine, everything on last night and it didn't work. So, the roof and heater. So things are under warranty with the builder and so either call on the builder has been coming out textile that thing And then the instance I don't know if you wanna hold your guy off and just disappointed. Thank thank your credit fixed something. They have to have a receipt showing that they've been fixed. And that would save you $8 so and I'll talk to you later. Bye."

  I don't know who this Nicky person is or why my Realtor would think him or her peeing on the broken items in the house would fix anything.  (no email links, please)

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Peace Man

It's a reminder call from insure melting health care. Yeah we are calling to confirm an appointment. Yeah, this appointment is 4 Hey Kirk. Yes, doctor doesn't know on. Wednesday. Yeah 11:20 AM. Your confirm this appointment, press one to cancel this appointment. Yes 2 to reschedule this appointment or contact the clinic. Yes 3 Yes applicable. Bring your insurance card, coping with any past due balance you showed on your state. Peace man. Yeah to start over. Or here. This again simply press your Starkey. Thank you, and goodbye.