Notes: Fluff, banter, minor angst, technically character death (you're dead), mentions of minor character death, more comfort than hurt, comedy aspects
Summary: You are Death's secretary. When she can't remember how you died, she convinces you to tell her over dinner.
An: This idea comes from that one person on tiktok that does the Death and Secretary skits I think you can find them @ FlickerSpark on tiktok.
Masterlist | Masterlist 2
The natural order of things can be very meticulous at times. While it may seem as though things just happen and the process is self-sufficient that is not always the case.
When it came to the process of dying, there were many steps to make it to eternal bliss or damnation or something in-between.
Death used to handle all of those pesky decisions on her lonesome, but eventually to make her job easier, she got a secretary.
Someone who could handle all the mundane aspects of the life cycle, so that all she had to do was collect the souls. It left the grim reaper with an abundance of free time to run amuck.
Rio loved to run amuck.
You hardly think she was Lady Death with all of the fun she had. There was nearly always a smile on her face, she always had something smug to say, she was something like a light. So bright that you could go blind just by looking at her.
āY/n, howās my 4 oāclock looking?ā
Her presence startles you as it always does. Rio just likes to pop up unannounced rather than use the door.
You click a few things on your desktop, āNot that busy, but it seems like a lot of accidents. Slipped and fell with knife, choked on dinner, ingesting paint.ā
āIngesting paint does not sound like and accident,ā Rio places her hand on her forehead.
You shrug, āAll that to say youāre not dealing with the brightest bunch here.ā
She groans, āI wish you could come with me on the pick-ups, you have way more patience than I do.ā
āTrue.ā
Rio scoffs playfully, āYou were supposed to disagree.ā
You roll your eyes at her, āOh no Lady Death you are so patient and kind.ā
She laughs at your sarcasm, āIāll have you know I am very patient. Why do you think people get live past the age 30 now? When I was alive 30 was old, now we got people living past 100.ā
You nod in faux-agreement, āSure, if you say so.ā
Rio narrows her eyes, āYouāre not⦠you werenāt 30, right? When you died?ā
Itās your turn to laugh, āNo, I was not.ā
She sighs in relief, āWhew, for a second there I thought-ā
āI was 27,ā you cut her off.
There arenāt many times that Death is left speechless, but this is one of them.
āAnd you died how?ā She says after a long silence.
A small smirk plays on your lips, āYouāre going to have to remember that one.ā
āY/n,ā she whines. āPeople die all day, everyday.ā
āBut only one of those people is your secretary. Now go reap those empty headed souls, itās 4,ā you shoo her away.
She points a finger at you, āThis isnāt over.ā
āLooking forward to it," you retort.
When Rio leaves youāre somewhere in the back of her mind. She remembers picking you as her secretary in the 90ās? Maybe it was the 2000ās? There was definitely internet.
She remembers picking you because of how smart you were. Being cute definitely didnāt harm the decision making process. She remembers the confusion when she saw someone like you was supposed to float off in purgatory for eternity.
She comes back into the office when sheās done, opting to use the door for once. She put her elbow on the desk, so that head could rest in her palm.
āDid you kill yourself?ā
You donāt look up from your keyboard, āNot exactly.ā
āWhat kind of answer is that?ā
You shrug, āThe true kind.ā
āYouāre killing me baby,ā Rio puts a dramatic pout on her face.
āStatistically improbable,ā you finally look up at her.
Her eyes are scanning over your face, āOk, clearly I donāt recall, but I want to know. How about, as a sorry for not remembering how you died, I take you out of this stuffy old office? We can get dinner and then you can fill me in on your passing.ā
āThat kind of sounds like date,ā you point out.
Rio just counters, āIt sounds like dinner.ā
āI can agree to those terms.ā
She smirks, āLetās go then.ā
āRight now?ā
She extends her hand to you, āNo better time than the present.ā
You put your hand in hers, āI don't get to get ready?ā
Rioās eyes drag over your figure, āYou look perfect, but if wardrobe is a big thing for you, I can take care of that.ā
With your hand in hers itās hard to hide your blush. You can see the cocky smile on her face already forming.
āLetās just go,ā you avert your gaze from her.
With a snap of her fingers youāre at a restaurant table. Itās nothing too fancy, but itās nice enough to make you wish youād changed.
āWorrying about your clothes and not having any questions about how you are on Earth again is pretty strange,ā Rio whispers from across the table.
āWell in case you missed it I'm having dinner with Death. I feel like the rest is pretty self explanatory,ā you toss back at her.
She sends you a lopsided smile, āThen you should trust me not to let you come to a place like this in a hoodie and jeans.ā
You glare at her, āYou said I looked perfect.ā
You look down to find yourself in a more upscale outfit. Something that still felt soft and comfortable against your skin.
āYou always look perfect to me,ā she says it offhandedly, but thereās something there.
You donāt get a chance to answer before the waiter approaches the table. Heās speaking to you in French. Before you can work out what to say, Rio has ordered for the both of you and sent the waiter along with a joke that makes him chuckle.
āYou speak French?ā
āHoney Iām Death, I speak every language. Even the oneās that donāt exist anymore,ā she teases you.
āSo you remember forgotten languages, but not how your secretary died? Interesting.ā
Rio pouts, āDid you ever tell me?ā
You look at her slyly, āMaybe, maybe not? Shouldnāt you know regardless, I mean you were there.ā
She rubs her temple, āIām always there. For everyone.ā
You take pity on her and sit back in your seat, getting a little more comfortable, āTell me what you remember from when we first met.ā
Rio recounts some details, āI remember that your soul was going to purgatory.ā
You hum.
She continues, āYou had to be wearing that hoodie. You literally wear it almost every day so I'm assuming it's sentimental.ā
You nod, āI was wearing the hoodie.ā
Rio looks in your eyes, āDid you save someone?ā
Your eyes turn a little glossy, āIād like to think I did, but I died before I really knew for sure.ā
The conversation doesnāt progress any further before the food comes. Youāre grateful for the break. The two of you eat with lighter small talk sprinkled throughout the dinner.
When youāre done Rio pays and you leave the restaurant. You walk the streets together enjoying the fresh air on your skin. You don't remember the last time you felt it.
Rioās hand slips into yours at some point. Sheās cold, but that's nothing new. You always found her cool skin comforting.
She leads you to a small park. The two of you sit on a bench. Her hand doesn't let go of yours.
āI remember now,ā she breaks the silence.
You let out a heavy sigh, āA little brutal, but I did it to myself, I guess.ā
Her eyes bore into yours, āNo, you didnāt. You did it to save his life.ā
You close your eyes to stop the tears from falling. You turn away from her. It might not help, but you canāt help it as you whisper, āDid I save him?ā
It was a question you never knew the answer to. Something that haunted you relentlessly. Did you act fast enough to save your son?
āYou did.ā
Squeezing your eyes closed didnāt stop the tears from falling. He was okay. You had always hoped that when you pushed him out of the way, he survived. Part of you was skeptical, maybe you pushed him too hard or maybe you weren't fast enough. Hell maybe there was another car driving the wrong way on the one-way street.
āI always wondered if I had been quick enough,ā thereās a small patch of relief in your voice.
āLife can be such a mysterious thing sometimes,ā Rio murmurs.
You wipe at some of your tears, āWhy do you say that?ā
Rio gently lifts your face, just enough to swipe away your tears with the pad of her thumb, āI lost my son too.ā
Your eyes soften for her, āYou had a son?ā
Rio smiles sadly, āNicky was only 6 when I lost him.ā
āDid you have to-ā
She chuckles bitterly, āOf course, I did. I tried to make it as pleasant as possible for him. On the inside it felt like I was dying all over again. His mother never forgave me. I lost everything in one foul swoop.ā
Everything is silent for a moment. Thereās a heaviness blanketed over the both of you. Yet there is also some comfort knowing that neither of you is alone in this experience. She knows how you feel, and you know how she feels. Two sides of the same coin, with loss as the common denominator.
āIām sorry, didnāt know that dinner would end in so many negative emotions,ā you attempt to joke.
Rio leans into you, āUsually all the trauma comes long after the first date, but weāve known each other awhile now.ā
āDate, I thought you said it was dinner?ā
She gets even closer, smiling when you don't back away, āWell itās just dinner unless we kiss. If we kiss, then itās date.ā
āIs that so?ā
Her eyes dart to your lips, āLast time I checked.ā
This time you lean in, āThen what are you waiting for."
She doesnāt waste any time planting her lips against yours. It surprises you to find out her lips are warm. Theyāre plush-like as the carefully mix with yours. You could lose yourself to the sensation.
āYou know we could kiss forever. Neither of us need oxygen,ā Rio breaks the kiss.
āThen why'd you stop?ā You whine.
Rio kisses your cheek, āBecause I'm a gentle woman, and this is the first date.ā
āWell you have a gap around 2pm tomorrow. Letās do lunch,ā you suggest.
Rio smirks, āTrying to speed up the process, so you can get into my pants?ā
You send her coy smile, āAnd if I was?ā
Rio stands from the bench extending her hand to you, āThen Iād say Iām excited for our lunch date.ā
You take her hand and she pulls you into her side. Her arm drapes over your shoulder. You nuzzle into her warmth.
everytime Iām reminded that men will straight up complain about how pussy smells and thereās a whole industry around women buying products trying to cure it like some kind of disease it Goes in the evidence pile towards heterosexuality being some kind of obligation based death cult wherein each side despises one another truly and deeply . What I wanted to post is I would huff pussy smell out of a paper bag in a back alley like itās paint fumes but the thought went elsewhere
āWhy donāt you use aiā idk man beyond the obvious environmental and āthis machine causes psychosis and encourages people to kill themselvesā thing I think asking the equivalent of a solid D student who is also a pathological liar if they can answer my question/do the work for me seems pretty fucking stupid