just a girl @h3av3nly3 - Tumblr Blog

think it's a deep consolation to know that spiders dream, that monkeys tease predators, that dolphins have accents, that lions can be scared silly by a lone mongoose, that otters hold hands, and ants bury their dead. that there isn't their life and our life. nor your life and my life. that it's just one teetering and endless thread and all of us, all of us, are entangled w it as deep as entanglement goes. v neat i think.

batrachised

love the phrase "but I digress." yes I temporarily got lost in the moors I wander in my mind but don't worry I'm self-aware about it

acquired-stardust

Dragon Ball Z: Budokai 3 Playstation 2 2004

itscontemporary

Leo Villareal - Cylinder (2011) White LEDs, mirror finished stainless steel, steel, custom software, electrical hardware 12 x 9 x 9 feet

Things are both heavy and light all at once.

I am floating in a stasis without gravity, but I know, in a way, where I think I'm floating on to.

I am all at once feeling so much pain and happiness.

But I'm unsure of the authenticity of that happiness. I know my heart has been cracked wide open, and has been for the last 7 months or so. This grief feels suffocating but I know I need to feel it. Sometimes though, I'm unsure how I'll ever recover fully. I'm unsure if I will ever stop feeling this sadness.

I realized that I allowed myself to believe in hope to the point of detriment. I realized I

was lying to myself. It's not to say it was all bad but it was not good either. I realized I was with the shadow of my fathers in more ways than one and I wanted to believe so much that it wasn't so.

So my heart has been in a perpetual state of harm. For a long, long time.

Now however, I've been gifted with something so unexpected and soft and raw. Something that feels real to me. Something gentle, patient, simple and intense. I'm unsure of my own heart's cartography now. I am learning as I go, and here goes this gift, who doesn't for a second shy away or punish me for all of these edges.

I feel exposed and I am afraid. For all of this fear, I dare let hope in. My hands shake and I feel like I'm going to throw up all of my words and my feelings at the thought that maybe, just maybe, this unspoken wish of mine may be answered. I have no choice but to trust.

Those hazel eyes peer into these depths of my despair and shines a light in. It IS an aid, and it HAS been a balm, but there is no sedative in sight here. I prayed for healing and it all just hurts so much. But I've never been handled with such gentle hands that I flinch anyway.

The reality of this experience hurts me, because it only reveals to me more just how mishandled I've been. Just how in pain, just how exposed and unprotected I was.

This pain and happiness is in equal measure, like the most violent delights. Floating along this river, I think I might have the hope of feeling like I'll truly be okay here.

I saw these birds flying around as a group and it was so...awe inspiring to me? Winter is so rough. I wish things were more gentle because it really should be. The cusp of Spring brings this feeling of desperation, and a teetering between hopeless and hopeful, and I'm so, so ready for the Spring. These birds reminded me it's just right around the corner, that brighter days are ahead and things won't feel so...bleak for long.

This week, I want to be soft with me and listen to what I need and set the tone for the way I want my Spring time to be, at the very least with myself. When it's quiet, and it's just me, alone (as I am right now) I want to feel comfort in knowing everything will be alright. Get out of my head and into my body. Into the present moment.

It'll be brighter soon.

#pre spring melancholy is so serious lol #but It will be okay #I'll be okay #we will be okay

I'm so tired of carrying all of this anger, grief, and sadness. Where do I even put it? Where does it go? I've bent myself out of shape trying to hold it and the task of untangling myself for some fucking relief feels so monumental. I don't know where to begin and I have a hard time with placing faith in seeing the journey through because I'm also afraid. But this weight in my chest is getting too heavy for me to bare.

#what do i even do #carrying on is not enough

Valentine reading

This year, I'll dedicate myself to my own happiness. To finding out what that even means for me. What it looks like. You spend years and years putting other people first, you eventually forget what it is that brings you joy, or even know what you need, when you need it.

The journey is the journey.

akreon

I got to paint Shadowheart for Magic: The Gathering🖤

"Beseech the Queen" Secret Lair x Dungeons & Dragons

AD: Jacob Covey

holespoles

Akira Kusaka

"An Unexpected Visitor"

日下明

「意外な来客」

majestictortoise

puttering around the house is an underrated form a self-care. make some tea or coffee. put on a podcast. sort the mail. tidy some pillows and fold some blankets. start the laundry. thaw some soup. just casually wander around aimlessly doing little things to make your space and life a little nicer. who cares if you get distracted or only do a little. you aren't being productive. you're puttering.

#This is exactly what I've been doing today #I had a list I wrote of things to do today #did not get them all done #but I want to be kinder to myself and just live and let live within my own brain #it's been a rough month #little steps are still steps

jodeeeart

Can I just say what a fucking pleasure, what a fucking treat it is to just post art freely like that. Compared to the bizarre tension of posting on Instagram, it's refreshing to just blap 'em out here and not feel any kind of awkward about it at all. Works can be unrelated, different mediums and shared without the weird, unnecessary production bloat of social media.

#so real