this is a self-indulgent writing blog focused on xreader's, headcanons, or a penning down of thoughts. (in order of quantity) fandoms include honkai star rail, trash of the count's family.
currently obsessed with wind breaker (satoru nii) !
sfw, f!gn!reader-centric, mostly fluff
at present, this blog is meant to fufill my urge to write, completely for fun, and very unserious. reqs are open but not guaranteed to be taken (or written in timely fashion). tentative to changes. blog revamp eventually. . .
when the sun rises anew, your lover must leave with the moon, to war-torn frontlines marred by the blood of its defenders. he must leave his side of the bed empty and cold from the ghost of his presence, must leave you agonizingly lonely, if only temporary.
but for now, his arms stay around you in comforting embrace. alike the privilege of convention, there is no general obliged to his duties, there is only the lazy stirring of lovers from sleep. the press of nose against neck, the legs tangled in sheets, the leisure rub of thumb on shoulder blade. the dawn is serene in its caresses, gentle light treading on covers and body.
yes, in this moment of twilight, suspended between reunion and seperation, he is only jiyan, yours to hold, yours to adore.
“People often forget that when the first bird took flight, the entire world envisioned a future where… No more fledglings would ever crash to their death.”
Hsr 2.2 spoilers 👇
I think Sunday values security and safety above all. Robin tells him he doesn’t need to do everything and not relax and we also see how much he does. He’s kind of like a pastor (or preacher idk the difference) hearing ppls confessions. Sunday is definitely seen as the perfect person. A responsibile, talented, brother than handles everything. Sunday’s main internal conflict is him not being sure he’s doing the right thing. He’s trying to persuade himself that he’s just trying protect people (but mainly Robin ig). And as Aventurine’s Future says something along the lines of:
“To deceive others, you must first deceive yourself.”
I think there are multiple parallels between the two. They both value security (or a false sense of it), deceive others, and in a way, gamble. Sunday’s plan of teaming up with Ratio and getting the “aventurine” stone. His questions with the Trailblazer, Himeko, March, and Firefly were pretty risky if you ask me. And like Aventurine, has questionable ways of achieving their goals. He believes he’s doing the right, and more importantly, necessary things to keep Penacony up and running. His drive isn’t principle like he suggests at the beginning, but need.
When Welt, Sunday, and Robin talk to the Dreammaster, he speculates that they do not worship the Harmony but the Order and Sunday confirms this. He says:
“We were never the children of the Harmony… Within the foundation of law, humanity establishes civilization. And through Harmony, we obtain Order.”
This makes a lot of sense. Sunday’s truth spell doesn’t match the belief of the Harmony very well. It’s very forceful as we can see with Aventurine’s interrogation. Since we now know it’s the Order, his power matches that path perfectly. I mean, he’s a control freak like Ena the Order.
Furthermore, he keeps bringing up the bird story and it dying. When he tells Himeko, March, Firefly, and the Trailblazer the story, he asks them:
“…build a nest with a soft net where the Charmony Dove fell? Or build a cage for it, and feed it, giving it the utmost care from within the warmth of a home?”
March chooses to build a cage and protect it
Himeko chooses to build a cage and protect it
Firefly chooses to build a cage and protect it
The Trailblazer chooses to build a nest.
He then asks another question, the Trailblazer chooses the opposite of what Sunday chose.
Sunday then asked the third and final question.
“Would you still support Robin’s journey on the path of Harmony?”
The Trailblazer says yes.
Let me ask you this: How much can you blame Sunday? He wants protection, for himself and others. That’s why he follows the Order. He believes that you need force to have preace. Sunday wants to unite people under the Order.
But every planet that followed the Order shined bright but burned just as quickly.
He thinks his sister is naïve for following the Harmony and getting that bullet injury, but I would argue Sunday is just as naïve as her. None of the planets that worshipped Ena the Order succeeded in the long term. But the thing about Sunday that makes his naïveté worse than Robin’s, who is less naïve and more idealistic, is his arrogance and ignorance. Sunday is constantly reassuring himself he is a follower of the Order for the sake of Penacony and the Dreamscape.
I think Sunday’s view on humanity is pessimistic (as put in the hsr wiki) bc he detaches himself from. When he talks about, well anything in 2.2 it gives very “i’m a god and you pitiful humans are doomed.” However, he still genuinely wants to help people. I think this god-like stance is a bluff, a facade. We know from the Robin and Sunday cutscene that Sunday believes he has the be the one person that protects everyone, the person who suffers for everyone else. He has to put on a face that says “dw I got it.” Sunday thinks that he has and always will be the reliable one. He emotionally distances himself from everyone else to “see the big picture.”
When Sunday asks why does life slumber, the Trailblazer answers:
“Because someday…we will wake up from our dreams.”
This shocks Sunday. And if i’m being perfectly honest. I don’t really know exactly why. Maybe because he realizes that people (and himself) need to stop indulging into escapism.
And he replies:
“The night is still…too short…”
Sunday still wants to dream of something (or reminisce the past?). I’m not sure we gotta wait for him to be playable.
Before that Robin says:
“Even if that star… must hang in a perpetual night of solitude”
So that might also mean he thinks he deserves being alone or doing everything :((( this is a stretch tho
Robin also says:
“Brother… the weakness of humanity cannot be redeemed by others. Stop it… You want to achieve the paradise we promised but the Order is not the only choice! True happiness and the meaning life lie in defying Nihility and embracing all that life offers!”
Sunday wants to solve other peoples problems and humanity’s weakness
my take is that trailblazer is talking about how the paradise that sunday wants to create by putting everyone in a dream (where they slumber to escape reality for a contrived utopia) will not last. which ties back to your point on how every instance of ena's order was ephemeral in it's "perfection".
this would contradict sunday's penchant for complete control and nihilism. in addition with the religious themes surrounding him that seem to liken him to an omnipotent god (plus the literal boss form), it reduces him, or rather reminds him that he is in fact, very human. how it is simply not within his ability (nor should it be) to be a lonesome god watching over everyone else. that no one can run away from reality forever.
it also asserts the nameless' stance on trailblazing forward regardless of potential, unavoidable suffering. that it is a natural part of human life, and does not make living any less worth it.
sunday, seems to me, like a man who is very, very kind and does not want anyone to suffer. to the point where he values that paradise over the freedom of the people as well as his own (where he is willing to shoulder all the burden like atlas with the sky on his back). the final act is them trying to convince him of my three points above.
umemiya hajime would definitely grow flowers for his lover. . .
on the school's rooftop. a dedicated corner of the plant bed, all for his one and only. day by day, he waters and tends to the growing seedlings with care, waiting intently for buds to show. the flowers flourish under his nuture, and when they bloom in luxuriant fashion, he can barely contain his excitement!
he presents the thriving flora to anyone who will pay attention, even hosts another get-together with bofurin to show them off, because aren't they just so cute? and when the flowers are at the peak of their beauty, he picks them out carefully, shears off ridges and thorns, cuts off the bottom of the stems at that perfect angle... before he wraps the beautiful array of colours in cellophane and ribbon. it is a brilliant arrangement made from devotion and effort, all for his special someone.
just one of the many perks of having the green-thumbed umemiya as a boyfriend!
"how to get your crush to like you back in 3 easy steps"
or: dan heng likes you. march knows.
dan heng x f!reader. pining fools and idiots in love. march is close to having a metaphorical heart attack. cliche shoujo stuff.
"you have a crush on her."
"i absolutely do not."
march fixes dan heng with an unimpressed gaze. "you are literally so obvious, don't even try and deny it again."
obvious? he's obvious? dan heng tries not to panic. in a poor attempt to salvage the unsalvageable, he says, lamely, "...i don't know what you're talking about."
graciously preserving the little dignity he has left, march ignores him. she claps him on the shoulder sympathetically. "don't worry, i'm a pro wingwoman. i accept payment in the form of desserts."
dan heng's right eye twitches.
1. show interest in their interests, pay attention to them.
that's easy, he thinks to himself. he always pays attention to you, it comes naturally to him. he knows how you prefer your coffee with a dash of milk and honey, not too sweet. he knows how you always start books but rarely ever finish them unless they were "really good and checked all my boxes!" and could go on thesis-worthy rants about your favourite ones. he knows how you like to keep succulents on your table and give them all ridiculous names like "king coin of doge land" and "a rad little guy".
so easy, in fact, that he feels the most confident he's ever been as he strides across the room over to you. you’re fiddling with something, looking vaguely nervous as you talk to march.
"good morning." he greets, eyeing the newest project you seem to be occupied with in your hands. a crotchet dragon, how nice. he knows exactly how to keep the conversation going now—
"what's cookin', good lookin'?"
his brain short circuits.
what is he supposed to say to that? were you flirting? does he flirt back? was it just a phrase? what's cooking-?
"but i'm not on cooking duty today."
dan heng watches your face freeze in confusion. his face feels like stone. to the side, march looks like she’s about to strangle him.
"...uh huh."
an awkward silence hangs in the air. dan heng wishes he was a statue.
— a failure, cut your losses and move on.
2. compliment something they’ve put effort into.
“please elaborate.”
“say something you like about her.” march takes a bite of her parfait (courtesy of dan heng), “but it has to be something she put conscious thought into. it shows that you notice the little things, and it makes her feel good about herself which makes her feel good about you. bam! two birds with one stone.”
dan heng only feels more confused. “but i like everything about her.”
even with the sweet treat in her mouth, march looks like she tasted something sour.
“so do i compliment her on everything i can think of?”
“no, no. you-“ march heaves a sigh, “pick one. just one.”
when he sees you in the archive room, he notices the now completed crotchet dragon in your hand. he decides that this is the perfect time to redeem himself.
“it’s well-made. i like the teal colour.” he says, and mentally congratulates himself for not messing up right off the bat (again).
“thank you, it’s, um, actually supposed to be the dragon you summon.”
“oh.” dan heng’s mind had been so occupied with march’s plans and you that he didn’t even make the connection. he feels just a little stupid.
“…and it’s for you.”
“oh.” a gift from you? and it was made exclusively to represent him, with hours of effort? he is in shock.
he must have taken too long to answer, because you notice the hesitation. flushing with embarrassment, you say “it’s a little much, huh? sorry.”
dan heng doesn’t manage to get a word in (because he would love to have the crotchet dragon, thank you very much!) before you scurry out the door. it clicks as it shuts, his outstretched hand reaching for nothing but air.
— i don’t want to call you a dumbass, but you’re kind of being a dumbass.
3. find time alone with them.
“i’ll help you with this one. but when you’re alone with her, you’re on your own.” march looks mildly concerned, “…will you be ok?”
“of course.” he says, and it’s merely bravado.
“right, well, i managed to convince mr. yang, miss himeko, and pom pom to visit this café with me—you’re paying, of course—it’s a rare opportunity so make full use of it, ‘kay?”
alone on the express. with you. no one else. no big deal, he tries to convince himself.
they keyword is ‘tries’, of course.
when the time comes, he gathers all the courage he has and, hopefully nonchalantly, asks you to watch a movie with him with a mini projector march had lent him beforehand. you agree, and it’s the first hurdle cleared. no mishaps so far.
“i’ll make you coffee, the way you like it.” he offers, and feels a flutter in his chest when you smile. if he could, he would bottle the feeling you gave him up and ration it throughout the rest of his life.
“i would love that.”
he gets to work, prepping the sugar and honey as he waits for the water to boil. the conversation between the two of you comes easily, as if the recent incidents didn’t happen at all, and dan heng feels the familiar serenity that comes from being in your presence. it was quiet save for your conversation, and the backdrop of stars outside the train seemed to be even more mesmerising than usual.
but of course, not everything goes according to plan.
the astral express, which had been sailing through the stars so smoothly, lurches from sudden turbulence. you bump against the kettle when you try to stabilise yourself and knock it over. boiling water spills all over the counter and onto the floor.
“watch out!”
not wanting you to be scalded, he grabs your arm and tries to push you away with his back towards the spillage. but his foot steps on the water and he slips, falling forward.
the two of you land on the floor in a heap, inches away from the spill. pure reflexes allow him to minimise the impact of your head meeting the floor by using his other hand as a cushion. he thinks he has bruised his knuckles. he has sprained his wrist.
the thought of the compromising position doesn’t even cross either of your minds. you crawl out from underneath him, and, perceptive as ever, notice when he rubs his wrist and winces.
“dan heng! are you ok?” you fuss over him, hands flitting over his wrist. dan heng feels like he would have enjoyed the attention more if he wasn’t so disappointed that his plans were disrupted. it had been going so well, he mourns. he watches as your back disappears around the corner with promises of finding the first aid kit.
it’s hard for the previous tranquil atmosphere to come back when you obviously felt bad about his wrist (even thought he assured you it was alright and not to worry), and his plans were derailed. the both of you work together to clean up the mess, which took some time, and try to enjoy the movie, but the momentum was lost.
— …
“what do you mean all my plans went bust? i worked so hard to convince pom pom to come with me!” march looks at you in horror.
“i don’t know! i thought you said you were a pro at this! i tried the pick-up line, i tried giving him a gift, and i even spent time alone with him, nothing worked! am I just inept at this love thing?” you shake her by the shoulders, tears of frustration on the edge of falling. march could only feel wronged.
chaebol!cale henituse who so casually spoils you. the very definition of "be careful what you wish for", because whatever you mention in passing? it ends up in your hands or on your doorstep. for example, he would definitely pass you a brand new laptop if you make an offhanded comment up how the battery on yours drains faster these days.
"honey, you did not." you look in muted horror at the box in his hands.
"they say this model lasts for five days on a single charge. it's a good investment." he says in that nonchalent tone of his that's just so cale henituse, as if he didn't just, you know, give you something you would have had to work for months to get yourself.
"this isn't even on the market! where did you find this?"
"i called in a favour." (custom made, one of a kind, probably ridiculously priced)
"my laptop still works fine, i could have made it last for another few years at least!"
"then sell it and pocket the money."
you eventually learn to just say thank-you and accept his gifts.
hsr x reader — ft. dan heng, jing yuan, blade, gepard
dan heng would call you "love" or "my love". he says it so sincerely that you can't look at him in the eyes without blushing—and he just tilts his head to the side, wondering why you look flustered. he doesn't know what he does to you. despite how easily he calls you that, he himself blushes to the high heavens when you call him affectionately, just use them sparsely and results are guaranteed! (＾＾)ｂ
jing yuan would call you his "little bird". it's his contact name for you, and what he affectionately calls you most in private with a warm smile on his face. in the company of others, he calls you "my dear". these terms are usually accompanied by a kiss on your temple or forehead—he does not mind pda. everyone should know how precious you are to him. (and they do. they feel like the biggest third wheels ever in you and his' presence)
blade would call you "sweetheart" on rare occasions, mostly when he is either exasperated (he would be fun to tease) or during intimate moments. the scarce use makes it even more precious—sometimes, you tease him just to get him to call you that. (he definitely knows what you're trying to do, and entertains you anyway). for some reason, i feel like he would call you "corazón" (heart) if he spoke spanish.
gepard would call you "darling" very freely and openly. he blushes almost every time he does, especially during the first few months of your relationship, but he wants to express his affection for you! even if it's in front of others. he bears with the teasing by other silvermane guards when you're gone, he pretends he doesn't see when they look at him with slightly raised eyebrows. who knew the upstansing, strict captain could be so smitten?
if i had a flower for every time i cursed you, i'd make a thousand bouquets for you
you gifted him immortality and left him to deal with the fallout.
blade x gn!reader. hurt/no comfort. angst.
blade can never fully describe the complex feelings he has for you in mere words. love and hate are only two sides of the same coin, and he's been playing an eternal, demented game of heads or tails.
he traces his skin, more marred than not. he thinks about how it was all your fault, how every scar was a tribute to you. then, he thinks about how you would kiss every one of them in worship, caress them with adoration, say they remind you of constellations.
if his scars were constellations, you were the god that hung them in place with careful hands. the one who decorated his skin until he can't even look at himself without being reminded of you.
"don't die, don't leave me. i love you." your words haunt him. it's some sort of ironic bullshit, he thinks, because you were the one who left him with this curse, left him all alone.
you are treacherous. how could this be love?
even so, he drowns himself in memories of you. your smile. your eyes. your touch. drinking under the moonlight with you. watching starskiffs and wishing upon them as if they were shooting stars.
i wish you were here. i rue the day you were born. you're the only one that matters. we should never have met. i'll kill you for what you've done for me, and then i'll kill myself. (i couldn't possibly live without you)
he loves you, so he curses your name. it is all he is able to do nowadays.
hsr x gn!reader — ft. jing yuan, blade, dan heng, gepard
pre-established relationship. fluff. drabble. panic attack implied. mentions of death and suicidal thoughts.
time does not erase all pain, jing yuan knows this well. on the days when ghosts of the past threaten to wrench him by the neck (—cast him back into war, loss, everything that hurts—), he finds that his feet carries him with practiced ease to your doortstep.
he doesn't have to explain, you know him well. you lead him in, and shift the pillows on the couch to the side. he finds a comfortable spot for his head to rest on your lap. the sun is shining through a crack in the blinds, your hands are tenderly carressing his hair, and he sort of feels like a cat taking an afternoon nap. if fu xuan is blowing up his phone, he doesn't notice.
time does not erase all pain, but time spent with you eases it well enough.
—
blade wishes for death—that is nothing new. the sound of his sword cutting through the air, the feel of raised scars that bypassed even abnormal self-healing, the smell of blood, they all remind him of his near-unattainable desire.
he doesn't ask for comfort (after some point in time, he started to think of pain as fuel, and isn't that just easier?), but you give it anyway. when he wakes up, dizzy from dreams of blood-red eyes (or worse, blue), your arms are already wrapped around him, his head is already in the crook of your neck.
if the sweet embrace of death doesn't reach him, yours does.
—
memories that are not dan heng's haunt him most nights, accompanied by familiar dread. they are always violent like unforgiving waves in the midst of a storm, leaving him shaken and desperate to recover from the recoil.
the others think he has overslept, but you know better. when he hears gentle knocks on the door, he doesn't hesitate to open them. he is rewarded with a hug, hands rubbing slow circles on his back. 'it's okay, i'm here.' his stuttering heartbeat evens out, and he no longer feels like the walls are caving in. he believes your touch is magic.
what a blessing, he thinks, that he met you in this life.
—
gepard knows that death is common on the battlefield. he has first-hand experience, after all. a bright-eyed recruit he shared rations with in the morning could be impaled through the heart by nightfall. he carries on regardless, bound by duty.
the rare day-offs he gets he wants to spend with you. when casualty counts spike and he wonders whether he's even fit to be captain, he finds solace in your presence. your laughter, the idle chat about what you've been up, relaxing near the city fountain, they provide a brief respite to what feels like a never-ending fight.
it serves as a reassurance. he is more than willing to fight for little joys like this.
