@hackeir said: with the helmet on, with her heartbeat thundering in her ear, with the pressure of getting her friends to the sky before praimfaya makes dust of them all—raven’s disoriented, unable to clearly hear apollo as he speaks, something dark and grave in his eyes. “what are you saying? apollo, what are you saying?”
there’s a countdown ticking, and it’s not just the big red looming numbers on the screen to let them know when they have to go before praimfaya hits. apollo didn’t see it before, but he sees it now. there’s a countdown for them as well – he and raven. there was never a promise for forever with them, and he recognizes it now. realizes that this is what he has to do – and, fuck, he wants to damn all the stars for taking her from him.
reaching out, he cups her helmet, wanting to look at her one last time. wanting to soak in the slope of her jaw, the curve of her nose, her inky lashes, the chocolate of her hues. he wants to remember it all before he blinks for the last time. jaw taut, his heart in his throat, he sighs but with a sad smile on his face. despite the absolute for his end, he knows that she will succeed. he doesn’t need to be there to know – she will bring her friends home.
‘ i wish we had more time, ‘ he whispers, a sigh on his tiers. the mics in their helmet is breaking apart, the frequency in the air becoming stale with the radiation of praimfaya, even inside the lab. raven may not understand it now – but she will with time. she has to. it has to be him, he has to help clarke. her head is dizzying with all the pressure and stress that is shoved onto her shoulders, and he can tell. her grip is becoming vice on his forearms as she seem to understand the weight of his words. she may not hear him, but he’s sure that she can see the emotions in his mocha orbs as he stares back at her.
‘ it has to be me. ‘ all of her friends, her people, are boarding the rocket, sweating as the countdown becomes closer and closer to the end. apollo wishes he didn’t have the helmet on, wishes he could kiss her one last time, wishes he could press his lips against her hand. he wishes they had more time. ‘ i can save today – you could save the world. ‘ the building around them is threatening to shake, give out, as the roar of the apocalypse grows closer to their front door. he has to go now, he knows it. no matter how much he wants to stretch this moment out, he can’t.
he steps back, letting their touch linger for as long as they could with arms stretched out to each other. his breathing is growing ragged, tension of what he’s about to do nearly suffocating him, but he swallows the fear. they were never given enough time to explore the idea of them – they have always been close, but never completely together. a relationship was never in the cards for them, but for one brief moment… it was at their fingertips. just like they are now, fingertips touching fingertips.
‘ i love you. ‘ apollo firmly says, giving her hand a squeeze with his words, before he finally lets raven go. the countdown is getting too close to zero, and he knows that he has to sprint if he’s going to catch up to clarke and ensure the safety of raven into space. apollo hates that she has another death on her heart, that she has loved and lost again – but he has to do this to make sure that she’s alive. she may be heartbroken, but she would be alive. before she can stop him, apollo is up the stairs and out the door, never turning back once, not wanting to see the pain on her face when she realizes what he has done; sacrificing himself so she can live.