TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT STARTERS !
✉ ↠ and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered “Simba”
✉ ↠ i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star…
✉ ↠ I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
✉ ↠ I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
✉ ↠ so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
✉ ↠ Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
✉ ↠ I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend’s twin last night…
✉ ↠ Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
✉ ↠ Renamed my iPod as ‘the titantic’ so when I plug it in it’s says 'the titantic is syncing.’
✉ ↠ This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
✉ ↠ My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber…I’m buying the engagement ring tomorrow
✉ ↠ i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled “5 second rule” and kept fucking me. i think im in love
✉ ↠ in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me… then slapped my ass and told me “back to business”… im gonna marry him
✉ ↠ I’m smoking weed out of a trumpet
✉ ↠ I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
✉ ↠ He literally didn’t stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
✉ ↠ i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
✉ ↠ you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
✉ ↠ The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
✉ ↠ I’m at the airport and there’s a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn’t see you there?
✉ ↠ o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
✉ ↠ Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
✉ ↠ I ’m gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
✉ ↠ We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich….
✉ ↠ he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true’
✉ ↠ I’m at this frat party right now and yelled “my brother finally lost his virginity.” They gave you a standing ovation
✉ ↠ i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
✉ ↠ i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
✉ ↠ I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
✉ ↠ Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
✉ ↠ I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
✉ ↠ How do you jack off and text at the same time?
✉ ↠ also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
✉ ↠ Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to “i can hear you having sex”.
✉ ↠ i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
✉ ↠ I don’t know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
✉ ↠ my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
✉ ↠ Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I’m in love
✉ ↠ I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says “bang”.
✉ ↠ I’m eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
✉ ↠ Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
✉ ↠ I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
