haiku

[beautydeferred]

You’re clashing heads and bloody knuckles and anger at the way your dad raised you—if he even raised you at all. You’re crowds and gaping holes and cigarette butts snubbed out on skin on skin on skin. Your pain is beauty in expression and it screams so loud you can’t ignore it even if you tried. It’s three am mornings and three am nights and chewed down nails stained jet black with yesterday’s hair dye. You’re terrifying and exhilarating and you may never be complete but you’re you. You’re real.

[heavenhillgirl]

Slums of Beverly Hills (1998), Tamara Jenkins

[haicu]

he missed me so bad he left blue and purple marks all up the side of my thighs reclaiming me as his

[beautydeferred]

expression in a constrictive age

[beautydeferred]

when you can’t do it right, do it wrong.

[haicu]

you can’t tell her you left me because I was unfeeling. you can’t call me out to all your friends and act like I was not enough. you can’t pretend that it wasn’t you, curled up on your bed at three am, wondering how you could have done something so wrong that the one pure thing you had, the one person who stood by you through so many of your ups and downs, couldn’t stand it anymore. don’t pretend like I didn’t mean something when you know I still mean the world.

[rheeglenn]

[heavyshaw]

[marqotrobbie]

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Sometimes i need to be alone, bitch don’t kill my vibe

[beautydeferred]

impermanence is so permanently with me.

SBTRKT (via beautydeferred)

[beautydeferred]

I’m literally so lonely that I just accidentally said goodnight to myself

[beautydeferred]

the skies are so pretty when it rains

[beautydeferred]

He who watches, sees. He who is silent has already lived.

Darío (via beautydeferred)

[haicu]

please appreciate the fuck out of me at all times thank you

[beautydeferred]

[beautydeferred]

love is forever or not at all.

unknown (via beautydeferred)

[annamakesthings]

am i ever gonna love anything the way i loved fall out boy when i was 11? Digital photographs on cotton, foam core, felt, candles 2014

Each shrine represents a different adolescent first - some are more stereotypically teenage (first car, first kiss, first drink), while others are more specific to me (first time weighing myself, first time losing a friend). The photographs show the places these firsts happened, or the objects that I associate with the memory.

Using the white felt to indicate purity and the red candles to indicate impurity, the altars also reject the traditional notion of virginity. Instead of giving myself away, or losing a part of myself to these firsts, I have gained experiences as a woman, a friend, a fan, a sexual being; they have all contributed to who I am as a person, not taken something away. I am not tainted - I am learning.

Displayed with the blog post that I made when I first started thinking about the significance of teenage firsts