i'll regret this

finished/side blog/multishipper/red spiked jacket stan/karma thou perverts. may darkness consume you/very sorta normal about daniel park/multifandom stuff @acearthur

[halfacoin]

You’ve begun to matter more

Than the things you say

[nvexe]

my pronouns are she/her bc I'll never be him (anthony head playing on his pink ds in full costume on the set of merlin)

[gaiusthegoblin]

✨💚 Swarovski Shrek 💚 ✨

This is the crown jewel of the gift pile. The piece that I spent the shortest amount of time picking out because the moment I saw it, I immediately knew, I had to get it for you! It was rather difficult to get my hands on this super rare special edition, but here it is! Swarovski Shreklin is even more valuable (and not to mention fancy) than the original!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, COINY!!!! ✨💚🥳✨💚🥳✨

If you need some more background information on this gem, I am happy to provide.

[halfacoin]

It's perfection <33333

[gaiusthegoblin]

🎈 Balloooooons 🎈

What's a party without balloons? And if you get into trouble you can use the big yellow one to call for reinforcements or let the air in them propel your little sailboat homewards.

[halfacoin]

:))) my good friend bruce would love these balloons.... For reasons

[gaiusthegoblin]

🦞 Lobster sandals! 🦞

I mean, just look at them! You can never go wrong wearing lobster sandals. Why are they being presented on a wooden board and next to a selection of bread? No clue. But it's lobster sandals!

[halfacoin]

Dinner! :))

[gaiusthegoblin]

A beautiful, shiny amulet! ✨

It's definitely not cursed. I think. The symbols on the back... Oh nevermind, they probably just mean "happy birthday" in an ancient language. Yes, I'm sure that's what it is :)

[halfacoin]

Again, why mention the word "cursed"???? I'm starting to get the feeling that you got my gifts from some mysterious guy and not a licensed shop....

[gaiusthegoblin]

A big chest full of gold coins!

Every single one of these has been single-handedly checked by Goblin Gaius. He licked each and every one to make sure there are no counterfeits among them. He is very thorough :) 100% solid gold that is!

[halfacoin]

This one is like a rollercoaster that lifted me very high only to immediately send me straight to hell

[gaiusthegoblin]

A furby wizard! 🧙‍♂️✨

Huh. I have no idea how he got in the package. Oh, well. Now I know where the strange babbling came from. Anyway, I'm sure you two will become best friends in no time :) He looks nice and not at all haunted, so I think you have nothing to worry about. Must have a lot of magical powers to suddenly appear inside the gift box. Ow, he bit me!

[halfacoin]

Why did you...? Why did you mention it being NOT haunted? What does it mean?

[gaiusthegoblin]

A big, silly plushie!!! 🐯

He looks cuddly and very friendly for a tiger (?). What a laughably round creature. Well, whatever he is, he seems nice and very huggable :) Coiny, will you hug him? Will you??? 🥺

[halfacoin]

Lowkey looks like you

[gaiusthegoblin]

A delicious chocolate birthday cake! 🎂

Coiny, what a treat! You get a whole cake to yourself! You better blow out the candles before the wax drips onto the frosting. Don't forget to make a wish!

[halfacoin]

Delicious

Finally, some good fucking food

[gaiusthegoblin]

A nice, vintage cabinet for your bone collection! 🦴🥳🦴

Plenty of space for all the enlarged femures or shrunken humeruses you have acquired in your bone hunt. This way, you don't have to stuff them under your bed and can show off your harvest to everyone who visits :)

[halfacoin]

A Boner (plural for bone, look it up(at least that's what GG told me)) cabinet!!!! Veeeery nice. Shame that bees only have exoskeletons, I would love a 100% certified Bee (you) bone sample

[gaiusthegoblin]

A gift voucher for dance lessons from your bestie! 💃🥳💃

As you can see, GG's got all the moves and what's a birthday party without dancing?!? Put on your best, sparkliest disco shoes, Gaius is ready to show you how to become an expert in the art of Camelot conga, sorcerer samba, physician's foxtrot, and of course, goblin boogie woogie! Sounds like a blast!!!

[halfacoin]

Oh, wow that's.... That's really cool and awesome. Yep, definitely love it....

The bald slapper dance move seems kinda fun though

[dragonlord-emrys]

Bestie!!!!!! Have a marvelous, fantastic birthday!!! I hope your day is wonderful and the sun is shining and your bed is delightfully cozy and you find a lucky penny in the street and everyone is especially lovely to you today cause that's what you deserve. All the best to you, Coiny!!!!! 💝🥳✨🎈 You are the cat's meow! @halfacoin <3

Your favourite guy, Goblin Gaius, was tasked with the delivery of your presents and he is going to help you unwrap everything. Normally, I'd advice against following anyone to a second location but you can trust me, it's just GG's little gift station <:) I see he already handed you a bunch. Which one do you want to start with?

>> blue floral gift <<

>> light blue cherry blosson package <<

>> light yellow peach floral gift <<

>> tartan patterned gift <<

>> red dotted package <<

>> thin pale blue present <<

>> small yellow gift with the orange flowers <<

>> light blue package <<

>> light green floral gift <<

>> dark green package <<

>> big green floral present <<

I hope you enjoy your gifts and celebrate so hard today that you feel silly with glee! Happy birthday to the best bestie!!!!! ✨🎁🥳✨💖🥳🌼🥳✨

[halfacoin]

Hiiiii, Bee!!!! Thank you so much, your happy birthday wishes really worked<333

And now I gotta.... I gotta follow him... That guy....

Right, I guess I'll go..... Happy to do it.....

Let's start unwrapping after I get my gloves (I don't trust this guy to wash his hands very often)

[starealm]

notice how “nice” and “right” are distorted? 👀

[areyoudoingthis]

babe wake up ao3 came up with the only funny april fools joke in the history of the world

[justplainsalty]

The blog post is pretty great too.

[comfymoth]

i think the internet should transition from being so usa-centric to being brazil-centric. not cos i have any personal connection or bias towards brazil, i just think if anyone could possibly usurp america’s cultural dominance online it’d be them

[comfymoth]

“man i just woke up where are all these notifs coming fro—“

[thatweirdnoise]

[halfacoin]

Average homoeroticism between the protagonist and antagonist in a telenovela