Rhodochrosite - Uchucchacua Mine, Lima Department, Peru
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@hallucinationsanddreams
Rhodochrosite - Uchucchacua Mine, Lima Department, Peru
The loneliness has been getting to me recently. I don’t have much desire to do anything productive, nor have I wanted to for the past week. Haven’t made much conversation with anyone today and I have deleted all of my social media accounts minus this one. The emptiness I feel is not something I have felt in years.
Being single may have its perks, but waking up alone every morning knowing no one considers you special is not the greatest feeling. Warm socks, blankets, and extra pillows simply don’t replace a warm body next to mine.
I wanted to enjoy being single, I really did. I wanted to mend myself, better myself, learn to love myself. I have failed at repairing myself and I am left with a an empty mental state. I can’t imagine anyone caring for me because of my self-destructive tendencies and anxieties. I am not happy with myself, so why would someone else be happy with me? Why do I not value myself? Why have I had such difficulty in finding the drive to improve myself and figure out what the hell I should be doing with my life? Why is it that when I know I am fucking something up, I keep digging myself deeper? Why do I have such a hatred for the person I have become?
Sitting here rambling won’t do much to better anything. However, what is there left to do? I’m constantly unfocused, consuming alcohol and participating in self-degradation. The desire to reach out to people is there, but when I reach out I scare others away. I am slowly killing myself.
Pull the blinds all the black dreams I've had well they don't mean much now When I rise at noon I'm missing someone I don't know and I don't want to be alone And this house is now a grave I've been sleeping here for days I'm too hidden to awake so i disappear always Call someone up just to have a drink let's talk about anything, I don't care Get out of the house for an hour or two but it's missing something I can't explain And this house is now a grave I've been sleeping here for days I'm too hidden to awake so I disappear always
vertical landscapes
Lagos
End of June.
This Summer passed far too quickly.
You’re a waste. You hide behind your hair and you never go to parties. You have no friends and you have managed to fuck up just about everything, you can’t really cry because you know it is your fault but you have to for some reason, it’s an addiction to become this self-induced mess with bruises and cuts. You bite your nails and your lip and listen to sad music while watching every other human being living their life, fulfilling every part of it and you wonder why you are so depressed and miserable, it is because it is your fault. Stop trying to feel misunderstood and just realize no one cares, you shouldn’t either.
Unknown (via embryons)
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