Coldest Stare

I used to be so alive, but now everything is just dark and empty. And it's all my fault. *This is just a 1x1 roleplay blog, not the real Harry Shum Jr.*

[katmcnamara]

[mavencalore]

la vie en rose // édith piaf 

[suspend]

[jojilyrics]

[kiantaylcr-blog]

“i don’t know if i can even handle happy tears.” he groaned, and that was true. he was generally pretty bad with people who were upset because he had learnt to deal with his own sadness by himself, by channelling it into art.

[hamptonandrew-blog]

“But.. it’s good to cry from time to time, baby” he said and smiled as he kissed his neck again. “I have never cried infront of people. Only my family, but never outside people. So.. yeah it feels odd that you have seen me cry”

[kiantaylcr-blog]

kian took a chance, although he wasn’t sure how andy would react to it. “what…were they like?” he traced shapes into his back with his fingertips, hoping that if it did set him off, he might be able to calm him down. he hated it when he was upset because he had no idea what to do to make it better. “i just don’t like the idea of anybody else touching you like that.” he shrugged, though thinking about it again did make him tense up just slightly. kian didn’t share and that included whether or not it happened in the past, though he knew there was nothing he could do about that and it was irrational of him to think that way.

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[hamptonandrew-blog]

Hearing his question, he closed his eyes. “I don’t know. They died when I was very young. I don’t have many memorise of them due to the fact that they died in a car accident when I was about four. My mother flew out the window and my father died on impact. She had apparently taken off the seatbelt to take something out from the bag that was on the backseat when it happened” he cleared his throat and shrugged. “The only memorise I have is of a womans voice singing me to sleep. And a man reading me stories. But the rest are things my aunt told me. So my memorise are not mine but actually hers” he mumbled. Tilting his head to the side, he smiled a little. “No one have ever touched me like you do. When you touch me, you move me. So feel special”

When he finally felt his lips on his own again, he moaned and laid down on the bed as he sighed into the kiss. “No teasing.. please” he whimpered against his lips.

[kiantaylcr-blog]

“no, no, don’t cry. we’ll find one, just don’t cry.”

[hamptonandrew-blog]

“Happy tears, silly” he said and giggled as he kissed his cheek.

[love-for-boys]

[kiantaylcr-blog]

“that’s so cute.” he chuckled. “you like cats a lot, huh? maybe we could find one somewhere around here. it’s a long shot, but you never know, right?”

[hamptonandrew-blog]

“Cats have always been a good way of therapy for me. Cats and nature. I used to have this huge plant in my room that I watered everyday. I loved it very much actually” he said. “If we find a cat, I will actually cry. I kid you not”

[kiantaylcr-blog]

“that’s changing, babe. i’m here, okay? he smiled at him. kian didn’t know how hard it must’ve been not to have his parents around, because he always had at least his mother there for him, but he imagined it was heartbreaking. “honestly, i would have probably loved to have you play games with me. i would’ve fought anyway, but i want to have  everything i set my eyes on that i like and you would’ve been no exception, you know. you’re still not.” kian hadn’t changed much since then. he glanced down at him, running his tongue over his lower lip. “that sounds…good, actually. plausible.”

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[hamptonandrew-blog]

“I know, my love. I know” he sighed and nodded as he smiled. He had never talked about his parents, maybe because no one have ever asked him about them. He mentioned them a lot, he knew that a huge part of himself was missing due to them being gone. It was sad, many psychologists thought that his depression came from the fact that he didn’t have parents. Maybe they were right, he didn’t know. He just knew that he had always been sad for as long as he could remember. “Oh you would have loved my little games. Honey, I know you would have fought for me. I can just see it in your eyes eveytime you think about my past lovers, I see that fire I love so very much. But here I am, yours body and soul” he mused and sighed softly. “I only speak the truth, darling”

Taking a deep breath, he moved away from him so he could undress. Taking off his own pants, he looked at Kian and smiled. “Want some help with that?” he asked and let his hand travel up his thigh.

[kiantaylcr-blog]

“just keep talking. tell me everything you know, all your jokes, everything.” he rested his hands on andy’s waist and nuzzled his neck.

[hamptonandrew-blog]

“So did you know that when cats are relaxed, they can drool? I had a cat once named Tilde. And she drooled whenever I scratched her behind her ear. She purred and everything, adorable kitty” he said and sighed softly, closing his eyes with a smile on his lips.

[kiantaylcr-blog]

“i’d take care of you no matter how out of hand you get, kid.” he laughed, as if it was a joke they were sharing, but in reality he was serious. “would you have played hard to get?” he asked with a smirk. “because i wouldn’t have minded hitting on you pretty hard or ‘accidentally’ brushing my arm against you just to see you squirm because you can’t say or do anything. would you agree to go on a date with me the first time i asked or would i have had to work for it? i wouldn’t have given up.” he sighed, concentrating on his lips against his neck. “does this mean we’ve met before?” he suggested. “and we just didn’t know it?”

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[hamptonandrew-blog]

“That’s good to know because I’m not used to people taking care of me. Except for my family of course or the family I had left” he said and smiled. “I would have played hard to get because I loved playing games with poor guys” he said and chuckled softly. “You would have to work really really hard to get me out on a date. I have always had a weak spot for guys that fought for the things they wanted. And if you wanted me, you had to fight for me” he told him and giggled softly, leaving a hickey on his neck. “I think we have many times before in many different eras. I just know that we will always end up together, no matter what. It’s just.. destiny I suppose?” he whispered and smiled as he thought about it, god it sounded so insane but he believed it. 

“I want it, how many times do I have to tell you?” he asked, moaning softly when he felt him move too. Sucking on his adams apple, he continued to grind against him. “Please.. please fuck me” he whispered, resting his hands on his hips.

[kiantaylcr-blog]

“oh my god, andy,” he actually laughed, taking his face in his hands, unable to stop himself from pressing a kiss to his lips. “you’re absolutely ridiculous and i love you for it.” he paused. “yeah, that. or even anything else. i just love you talking. never stop.”

[hamptonandrew-blog]

When he felt his lips on his own, he giggled into the kiss. “But I’m not finished, but hey it’s okay” he said and wiped away the tears from his face. “You sure you want to hear me talk? I can tend to get really fucking annoying when I ramble” he admitted and snuggled closer.

[kiantaylcr-blog]

“maybe you can, but maybe i wanna take care of you instead.” he considered the scenario, seeing it play out in his head so easily, and he actually felt a little sad that that wasn’t their reality. “i would’ve been sitting there for hours just staring at you like a creep.” he laughed and covered his face with his hands in embarrassment. “to be honest, i probably would’ve followed that up with something like, are you on the menu, because i’m so bad at flirting it’s unreal. i like to think you would’ve instantly just fallen for my charm and not made me feel worse by telling me to ask you again the next day. although, for the record, if that did happen, i would have to turn up every day for two weeks and you would admire my dedication and finally agreed to let me take you out.”

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[hamptonandrew-blog]

“And you’re allowed to take care of me. But I am free spirit so sometimes I tend to get a little bit.. out of hand” he said. Giggling as he listened to him, he sighed. “I know for a fact that I would be very reserved because that was how I acted around people. I was very paranoid when I was alive due to my.. nature. But.. I would have instantly fallen for you because there’s something in your eyes that just catches me. And I know that in another lifetime we will meet again and I will love you like I love you now. I will always love you” he whispered and kissed his neck softly. “Is this what a soulmate is? Forever linked and will always find their way back together?” he asked against his skin. He had never believed in love at first sight or in soulmates. But Kian had proved to him that those things really did exist.

“I’m not distant, baby” he whispered and grinded against him. “I just want you to fuck me hard” he added and nibbled on his skin, his hand moving under his shirt. “So hard I cry and scream for more. That’s what I want, that’s what I need. For you to make me yours completely”

[kiantaylcr-blog]

kian made an active effort to guess the answer to the joke, and couldn’t help blushing when he realised he actually had absolutely no idea. he shook his head. “i don’t know. what do you call them?” he tried not to smile yet, although it was hard because he looked so cute while trying not to smile. “ugh, i love it when you call me that.” he confessed. “but i still don’t think it does.”

[hamptonandrew-blog]

Seeing the blush on his cheeks, he couldn’t help but break into laughter. “Nobody knows.. get it? Noes?” he squealed as he hid his face against his chest as he gasped for air. Placing a hand over his mouth, he took deep breaths as tears once again rolled down his cheeks. Bad jokes, ah his weakness. “What? Me calling you baby?” he asked. “But I do love you most though”

[kiantaylcr-blog]

“maybe you shouldn’t, if that’s a big issue.” kian thought about that - he didn’t want to hurt andy, and even though it would be a mistake if he did hurt him, he had to wonder if that was worth it. but at his next words he couldn’t even feel guilty anymore, hearing him talking about what their average day together would be like. “god, i’d love that. i love you. i don’t even think i deserve you.” he felt his hot breath fanning over his face and relaxed. “do you really think we would’ve met? maybe we’d be that annoying, gross couple that met in a coffee shop when you whooped my ass for accidentally getting my coffee all over your shirt.” he grinned. “or we could’ve been super sophisticated and met at work, or you’d be my muse, or…” he trailed off as he pondered.

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[hamptonandrew-blog]

“I can take care of myself. Trust me, I am stronger than I seem to be” he said and smiled. As he rested his chin on his chest, he looked up at him and let his fingertips dance across his soft skin. He was so perfect, perfect for him. He loved him, body and soul. And even though he may sometimes say stuff and not mean it, it only made him even more human and that made Andy love him even more. “I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you” he whispered and chuckled softly. Listening to him listing up all of these different scenarios, he bit his lower lip. “I think I would have met you at work due to you sitting and sketching me in one of your books. And I would have walked up to you and asked you if you were gonna order something or just stare at me all day” he said and giggled, taking his hand and kissing his palm. 

A frown formed on his face. Biting his lower lip, he straddled him once again. “I want you, so so bad. I’m just not someone who begs. But I love.. talking while having sex. Edging you on and telling you how you make me feel” he explained as he kissed his cheek multiple times. “But.. if it means so much to you.. I can try and beg” he whispered into his ear.

[kiantaylcr-blog]

“i wanna hear all of your bad jokes.” he wanted to know everything about this guy - anything he wanted to tell him. and the fact that the jokes were so personal to him made him enjoy the experience of hearing them even more. “what’s it gonna take for you to change your mind?” he feigned shock, “confessing first means nothing! maybe i was just shy.”

[hamptonandrew-blog]

“Okay okay great! What do you call somebody with no body and just a nose?” he asked and bit his lower lip as he tried to keep the laughter inside. Kissing his jaw, he sighed as he just felt the need to shower him in love and affection. “Nothing can change my mind because.. I love you more than you could ever understand” he whispered softly. “Oh but me confessing first means so so much, baby”