All It Takes Is A Glass Tube, Patience, And Lube

No animals were harmed in the making of this blog.

[hamsterinmybutthole]

I’m going to grab life my the balls and bite the shaft

[hamsterinmybutthole]

I think this is my favorite picture on the internet

[hamsterinmybutthole]

Life is a highway

I wanna get hit by a truck

[hamsterinmybutthole]

I’ve been playing a lot of bitlife lately and I started wondering what a journal of my life would look like written in bitlife style. So I came up with an example.

I went for a walk.

I spent time with my cat.

My post on tumblr earned 0 likes and I lost two followers.

I complimented my coworker

I had a conversation with my friend

I went on a vegetarian diet

I masturbated…

I masturbated…

I masturbated…

I masturbated…

I masturbated…

I died from an aneurysm due to excessive masturbation.

[hamsterinmybutthole]

You ever get the urge to rip your own teeth out because they hurt and the pain reminds you of when you had loose teeth as a child? Just me? Alright then.

[hamsterinmybutthole]

[hamsterinmybutthole]

A box cheesecake I made better by adding whipped cream, cream cheese, cream cheese icing, imitation vanilla, and white chocolate syrup to the recipe. Then I swirled caramel and hot fudge ice cream toppings on top. I didn’t measure the ingredients though, just kinda went by feel. The cream cheese icing definitely makes it a lot richer and sweeter than the average cheesecake, though.

[hamsterinmybutthole]

As a pedestrian, I love intimidating drivers. They always stop. If they don’t…. Oh well :) I’ve kinda always wondered what getting hit by a car feels like anyway.

[hamsterinmybutthole]

Sometimes I get weird glimpses of a random made up movie scene in my head or just kinda hear conversations between random people in the back of my mind. They’re not hallucinations, as I don’t physically hear them. It’s almost like an AI generated movie clip. They’re always so random but usually funny. One I can remember vividly is randomly thinking of an Asian lady in a noodle shop saying “they come into my shop and say they don’t like my noodle. Fuck them. I like my noodle. My family like my noodle.” (Stereotypical asf I know, but that’s part of the humor for me)

[hamsterinmybutthole]

Do I have any actual human followers or is it all just a bunch of bots? I have posted literally nothing until this point. With the first follower I figured it was just because the username was funny then I went offline for a while and came back to 72 new followers (yay!). I originally thought another blog I work on (this is my main) was the one getting followed. Nope just a bunch of retarded tumblr bots.