#NowPlaying - My Year-End Mixtape
Oh, okay, so 2015 will end in about 24 hours. Shit. Just, shit.
Hereās the thing: I had so much fun this year. Yet itās been a soul-draining year. Iām afraid that these overwhelming feelings would be forgotten in the future. Let me try to tell you about 2015 with a playlist. Each song on the playlist represents something meaningful that happened to me along this year.Ā
Warning: this is gonna be a long post and you donāt need to read,unless you want to ;) I hope one day I would look back to this year by reading this post and feel thankful for every single thing Iāve gone through.
Amy Winehouse ā Love is a Losing Game
2015 has been the year of love, not really in a good way, though. This year I redefined the meaning of love.Ā Love has come and gone to me during this year. I confused love with blood. I confused love with comfort. I confused love with admiration. In the end I found out that love itself doesnāt really have a solid description. Once you think you know love well, you lose.
The love Iāve known forever turned out to be imperfect. Trust and faith were the only common language for me and this love so when itās gone, we had no substitution. Then love betrayed my trust, which is ā too bad ā a one way ticket for me. So I stopped talking to this love. Everybody freaked out. They started preaching about how wrong I was to turn my back of this love. They might be right but I donāt care. At least until this very second I write this, I still donāt care. Really, I need time. Let me heal myself. This love reminds me that the ways of Almighty God are surely beyond our understanding.Ā
Thereās another love came this year. Well, letās say itās not a new love. Iāve known this one for five or six years. Iāve been familiar with this loveās existence as a good friend. However, the universe ā as Iāve always known ā always find a way to twist the plot of my story. This love confessed itself, declared itself. Oh boy how I was terrified. I said sorry to this love and asked to walk together again as a nice companion. We did.
Efek Rumah Kaca - Jatuh Cinta Itu Biasa Saja
And then this love. This one has given me warmth on its arms. I adore this love so much. This love is a hero for a lot of people. This love has made a change. This love has turned the world in to a better place. Sadly, this love ran extremely fast while I stood still, step forward every once in a while. Weāre not on the same team when it comes to life decision. This love forced me to face too much reality. You know, when people fall in love, they have this world full of sweet imagination. It didnāt happen with me and this love as it showed me the big picture of our reality. I said good bye to this love. Love gave me the hug Iāve always craved for. The hug that love promised to never get any colder.Ā
Now, this love. Ah, this one is my current favorite as our story is like a haiku; short and enchanting. Love thought that I was different that he had to admire. Love talked to me about itself and I told love almost everything about me. Love couldnāt handle it. My story was just too different. Love couldnāt comprehend. Although we didnāt argue, we concluded, we just couldnāt go anywhere together. We were two trains going on separated railway; we might head to the same direction, we could see similar scenery, but our passengers inside were completely different, we didnāt go to the same station, we met a split end. So love said, āgo find someone else and Iāll do soā. I nodded. I didnāt feel sad. I felt relieved as Iāve been terrified of how this loveās world would be turning upside down if we were together. I didnāt want that to happen to loveās world nor mine.
LāAlphalpha ā About a Friend
Of course, each year of my life has always been about friends. Some friends come and go and footprints in my heart were the only thing left. Some stays for amazingly long time. Look at Isti Bani, Destari Mahalaksmi Hadi, Nuraina Sawitri Ayuningtyas, Ahmad Fitriadi, Anggita Lestari, Maya Chintya, and some others who have been friends with me for yearssss! Also, friends from college who Iāve known from the firs two semesters of study, from KMF (Komunitas Musik Fikom - a music community that I joined), also from Journalism Department. What can I do without them?
Anyways 2015 is kind of surprising, though. The highlight of my yearās these people; Memes, Iqro, Akbar, Satria, and Idham. āSweetly bizarreā might be the best words to describe our friendship. At the beginning of 2015, I didnāt even know these people exist (except for Memes, as weāve known each other since 2013, on a random hiking trip). Now I get it when people say that the length of a relationship doesnāt measure its quality as Iāve known them for not-so-long period of time yet weāve built such a strong bond. They are another prove that men and women can be friends. Ok, look, this is totally out of topic. Sorry, not sorry! :P
So these guys and I spent a really nice night facing the city lights, under the starry sky. It was a perfect time for a deep talk. We did have one though. I just didnāt think I said enough appreciation for them. Iāll just write them here then.
Ibrahim Ukrin a.k.a Memes: Memes is such a rare species. Heās a complex combination of sweetness and boldness. He has a really big heart that can contain huge range of feelings. I admire his patience and positivity soooo much! Heās also everyoneās good friend because of his attitude of honest and trustworthy. Memes brought us all together and I canāt thank him enough for that. Oh, Memes also is a highly-spirited person with a broad knowledge about this and that complemented by politeness. No wonder anyone can just click with him in an engaging conversation. His caring for not only himself makes him a wonderful person that I believe will pursue his own happiness someday soon.
Iqro Dewantoro: Isnāt it nice to be around someone whose optimism sparks like a huge halogen lamp? The answer is yes, it is very nice. Thatās why being friend with Iqro is such a nice thing. He is that kind of person who strives for excellence in every single thing he does. I like how he can always place himself in an exactly right position; he can just kid around and laugh his ass off, but he can also be a wise man who comes up with solution. His way of logical thinking is intriguing! When I first met him, I felt there was no way he graduated from ITBās School of Business and Management as his appearance shows a very laid back personality. But once I talked to him, boy, he has that SBM-graduates-thingy! (I donāt know what that is, though hahaha).
Akbar Januari Fadlih: I have no idea how Akbar and I could easily open up to each other. He knows so much story of me already ā even the embarrassing and dark ones ā and although he doesnāt always agree or understand me, he respects me and I have no choice but respect him equally. Heās a really good company; we can talk for hours about things and nothings ā well, heās fucking smart, a terrific thinker, soā¦ No wonder! When I said we talk about nothings, we really do. I tried to recall some of our talks and I found pointless things being fascinatingly discussed. It wonāt work with everyone, I guess. I think what so special about Akbar and I is how we differ from each other yet we share some common values. Also, mine and his life stories are kind of balancing each other in a very odd way. Thatās why I enjoy spending time with him so much. One more thing, his faith to his beliefs, his love for traditional stuffs, and his caring for people are very much heartwarming. Ā Ā Ā
Satria Indrawan: Satria reminds me so much about myself few years ago. Shit, now I feel old. No, seriously, Iāve had been in a phase where Satria is currently going through. Thatās why I felt such an ease talking with him about life (you know, that night in Coffee and John, haha!) Anyways, Satria is a rebel in his own way, I guess. Note: this is a compliment! He is also a sweet person in a way that I canāt really explain ā just like every other things about him; hard to explain. What I like the most about Satria is that he doesnāt talk much but when he does, itās never dull. I hope my words here about him would represents everything about him; brief, not beat around the bush, but sweet :P
Mochammad Idham: This guy knows how to enjoy life to the fullest. Heās doing what he likes and cares about yet he maintains good relationship with all of his largely-diverse friends. Yes, heās very sociable. Heās a perfect example of a well-balanced individual; he cares about his own happiness as much as he cares about otherās. Idham has such a warm personality and he also really funny. He can find humor even in the darkest place. Hahaha! However, he can be serious and wise as well. I see the light in his eyes when he talks about things he is passionate about. And of course, I donāt want that light to fade, ever.
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros ā Home
You know how hurtful it is to go home from a really nice trip, right?Ā Unfortunately (or fortunately?) I felt that exact feeling several times in 2015. Here is why:
Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars
One day I texted my good college friend, Ocky Kusumawardhani, āKi, jalan-jalan yuk ke Jogja!ā (Meaning: Ki, letās go to Jogja!). Ocky, being easy-going as usual, replied āyuk!ā which means she agreed. And then we bought the train tickets. I went from Bandung and she did from Jakarta. I came one day earlier so I spent a night surfing at Mbak Ernaās couch and spent a whole day wandering around Malioboro and watched traditional puppet show (wayang) all alone. The next day, Ocky arrived and I couldnāt be any happier to see her. We found a cheap hotel near Malioboro Street and went to places we never visited before. We went to Museum Ulen Sentalu by bus with two Thai tourists that Ocky pointed out how funny their accents were. Of course she said it in Bahasa Indonesia. I couldnāt help myself not to burst into laughter. Shit, Ocky, it was painful! Well, she always knows how to torture me with laughter haha! Anyways, we walked for quite a while until a kind lady offered us for a free ride to the museum. What a luck! The museum was fascinating. We went to a temple called Candi Ratu Boko afterwards and enjoyed a really nice sunset there. At night, we watched a hilarious ladyboy show.
The next day was fun as well. We went to Taman Sari, a former royal garden of the Sultanate. We walked around the village and managed to find a salon ā yes, A SALON ā because we were too lazy to wash our hair at the hotel as we didnāt have any hairdryer. We spent couple of hours hanging out at a mall and enjoyed the massage chair. What a spoiled tourists we were, right? Hell no, we just tried our best to enjoy our time to the fullest! *excuses*
I made a new friend there from the US. Sheās Ashley, graduated from Social Work program in Canada. Sheās very jolly and I enjoyed spending times with her. Oh, and I also managed to finally meet Mas Aris and his girlfriend after a year. Four of us went to an art event as Ocky left already and one of Mas Arisā friends that I just met that night drove me to the train station. Wasnāt it really niceee? Yes, the whole trip was really, really, nice. The nicest thing was of course having time to spend with Ocky, a really good friend of mine who is extremely kind and funny. We tease each other all the time, make jokes about each other all the time, but care for each other all the time as well.
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Runninā Down A Dream
Bali is not a foreign place for me as my grandfather is originally from there. Iāve been there quite a lot of times but my last visit was kind of special. I spent the whole week in Bali; two days in Penglipuran Village and five days in Ubud-Uluwatu-Nusa Lembongan. The first two days were for work while the rests were for vacation. Two days in Penglipuran was amazing. I stayed with the locals and socialized well in that wonderful village. The village has a concept of community-based tourism that has been developed for quite a while. I learnt about a lot of things, I also met a lot of kind-hearted people there. Thanks to Mas Aris ā a Javanese guy who was working in the village as a volunteer for some kind of program developments ā for taking me around and got me to meet important people of the village so I could get a lot of interesting stories.
I went to Ubud after those amazing two days with Om Gusdeās car. So lucky, I still have my relatives in Bali who care so much about me. Well, itās too long to tell about how my uncle and his familyās kindness. So letās just fast-forward until I arrived in Ubud. This is the highlight of the trip; I met Nini Blom, my Dutch friend who worked with me in a volunteering program in Vietnam back then in 2012. We spent our first few hours of meeting in Kopi Seniman, a really nice coffee shop in Ubud and we talked about what happened to us since the last time we met. The next days, we went to Uluwatu area and spent most of our times at the beach, drove a motorbike to places with good foods and drinks. We then went crossing the island to Nusa Lembongan. We had an awesome time there. The beach was nice and the hotel we spent our night at was amazing. I left earlier as I had to go back to work while Nini stayed for few more weeks before going back home to Amsterdam and find a job that suits her. Something weird happened right before I left; I was in a hurry to catch my flight and my uncle picked me up in the BnB place where Nini and I stayed. My hurries got me panicked that I just waved my hand to Nini as I went. Yes, it was very weird because I usually give a big hug to anyone when I say goodbye. And then I texted Nini and we both laughed about this because she felt the same way.Ā
Anyways, one thing that fascinates me so much about the time I spent with Nini was a realization of how we have so many things in common, we share similar values about a lot of things in life. I told Nini about the story of someone I love who is HIV positive. All she did was giving me all the moral support I needed. I handed her an official merchandise of Indonesiaās Homeless World Cup team. She surprised me by actually came to the Homeless World Cup game and supported Indonesiaās team a few months later. Just like me, she believes that everybody deserve equal rights, including those who are being marginalized; people with HIV/AIDS, former drug users, unprivileged people, just everybody!
Cold War Kids - Miracle Mile
Baluran-Jogja, August 2015Ā
Another random trip. I was craving for a little gateway then I asked my high school friend, Mia Ambarwulan, for an adventure. Yes, an adventure as we didnāt know what to expect. We then decided to go to Baluran National Park in Situbondo. There were too much stupidity during our trip. I bought the wrong tickets, Mia came to the wrong entrance gate so I had to come to her crossing the parking train, both of us being yelled by an ignorant lady, Mia deliberately swooshed her hair to an old manās face beside her, āMbak Ika everywhereā moment, forgot the departure schedule of our train to Jogja, took LOTS of selfies instead of hiking the hill and watched beautiful sunset, and the list keeps on going until number 20. (Uh yes I still keep the list on my phoneās note hahaha). Oh and the best of all was when Mia saw an old man taking a dump in the ladyās toilet and she said she felt like her dignity was taken away. THIS IS FUCKING HILARIOUS! (Gosh, Iām typing this while LOL-ing).
Mia and I didnāt stay at a hostel but a guesthouse for backpackers owned by a kind-hearted local guy. Of course, we met new friends there. I remember Anis and Taqim, two adventurous people who were very helpful, and Agriansyah Ramadhan. He was in Ijen Crater for a trail running competition. We clicked in just a second as we found out that we have many friends in common and we attended a lot of events but never really meet because we didnāt acknowledge each otherās existence before. Funny, right? Agri and I were born and raised in Bandung, used to hangout in the same events, heās a friend of my friends and I was a friend of his friends but we met each other in Ijen, far away from Bandung.
One thing Iām feeling thankful for is how this trip reminded me the awesomeness of being friends with Mia. We were not really close back then in high school, we didnāt have regular hangout schedule, we didnāt chat on the messenger daily, but every single time I spend my time with her, itās always wonderful. We always talk about life and every possibility it offers, deeply yet hilariously. We respect each otherās way of life. This is my favorite kind of friendship! I adore her independence and toughness ā sheās the whole package! Iām glad we did the trip and being reminded how precious she is. AND IāM GLAD THAT SHEāS GONNA TIE THE KNOT IN 2016! Way to go #MenujuHalal2016 yeah!Ā
Rusted Root - Send Me on My Way
Bangkok-Hanoi-KL, November 2015Ā
Ā Itās all started with my clumsiness. This was supposed to be a longer trip and the route was supposed to be like this; Bandung-Singapore-Phuket-Krabi-Bangkok-Hanoi-KL. Voila, three days before my departure I just realized that my passportās validity was less than 6 months. Yes, I couldnāt go. I had to make a new passport so I missed the first four routes. I bought another ticket from Jakarta straight to Bangkok. My flight was delayed three times. During my time of waiting for the flight, I sat beside a pretty lady who cried silently. I couldnāt help but offered some tissues to her. She took it and said thank you, then told me the story of her marriage being called off. It turned out that the man she was about to get married to was gay. Auch!
Once I arrived in Bangkok, I went straight to the hostel. I shared the taxi with a really nice Aussie lady who told me a very interesting story about how art had saved her life. Sheās been a sculpture artist for decades. When I arrived at the hostel, everyone in the room was sound asleep. I decided to hit the famous Khao San Road directly and I didnāt regret it because at the bar I met a British guy called Benji who was dropped out of Sussex University ā the school that I would want to go to. I also met some interesting local people there. Ā The next day, I met Nuraina Sawitri Ayuningtyas ā or just Tyas ā my high school friend who was supposed to be with me since day one of the trip but you know, my passport thingyā¦ Despite our difference, Tyas and I got along extremely well as we were sisters. Anyways, I spent the next day in Bangkok with her and she had the time of her life. HAHAHA ;)
After Bangkok, I went to Hanoi. Man, I had a mixed feeling once I stepped my feet in Hanoi. I lived in Hanoi for about 3 months back then in 2012 for a voluntary project. I spent the first day of my trip in Hanoi this time in an English course place. I managed to join one session of English teaching program there and Iām glad I did as I got to meet a lot of very inspiring people. The rest of my days were spent in Bichās house. She was the organizing committee of the program I joined three years ago. Itās amazing how we still can talk to each other about almost everything like we were never separated. I enjoyed a lot of things in Hanoi that I didnāt manage to enjoy before. I also met some interesting new friends who were very caring and successfully gave me the best time in Hanoi; two tour-guide volunteers, the yo-yo master, etc. Oh, I also met Ly and My again and also her friend. They were soooo nice!
After few days in Hanoi, I went straight to KL. I spent the whole day exploring the city by myself and met a random German guy who ended up walking with me to Pasar Seni and KLCC. At night, I met Suang Fu, my friend from the same program in Hanoi. He took me to the best nasi lemak place with his two friends who were very interesting and jolly. I spent one night at a Starbucks store at the airport before heading to Bandung and met another interesting person. He was a barista at Starbucks who told me a lot of crazy airport stories. It was fascinating! Oh, and he handed me a delicious brownies for free! Yay!
The Velvet UndergroundĀ ā Rock and Roll
2015 was still about hitting up music gigs. I still canāt get enough of seeing live performance of good musician, of the vibe, of the lights, everything! Lucky me, my job is kind of feeding this addiction. Iāve seen quite a lot of concerts this year. Of course, the best one is Belle and Sebastianās in Fort Canning Park, Singapore. Why? Because I made it to the stage! Haha. Yes, Stuart Murdoch invited me to the stage with some other people from the audience. I was so lucky that some random people in the audience - who I spoke to about how I flew from Bandung in the morning and would go back in the next morning only to see Belle and Sebastian - helped me to take the front row so Stuart could notice me. I sang along and danced to their music on the stage. Fyi, Iāve been a fan of this band since I was in 7th grade. So this experience was unexplainably bedazzling! Well, I saw some other awesome bands too in the same event like Temples, Caribou, tUnE-yArDs, and Real Estate. BUT OF COURSE, BELLE AND SEBASTIAN FTW!
Blink 182 ā What's My Age Again?
I turned 23 this year. I also graduated this year. I (kind of) settled on a job. Yes, I just entered the freshman year of adulthood.Ā Iāve been in a huge confusion since. However, Iāve been granted by a lot of amazing people in my life that thereās no way I donāt thankful for. This year I learnt that the past still haunted me but I learnt how to let go. This year I learnt a lot about humiliation. This year I learnt a lot about lifeās priority. This year, a lot of people I know finally tie themselves with commitments; work, relationship. OH, RELATIONSHIP. This year I romanticized solitude a little too much.
It gets me curious about what 2016 would bring me. I canāt wait to finally reveal the story about the life of mine; academic (yes I want to continue my study!), work, also relationship and family issues. Iām wishing nothing but the best for what to come for me and everyone around me. I know nothing about future, Iām not a fortune teller, but I know for sureā¦ 2016 is gonna be interesting!
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