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[haniwrites]

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﹒ㅤ⨯ㅤ she/her, twenty, haunted by nightmares of unfinished drafts ... ﹐ㅤ⟢

film n music luvr emotional swaggage i hate sentences of reasonable length #0consistency ﹙lowk everything is shits n giggles﹚ slow updates ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁 !

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[haniwrites]

BAD DECISION! ; 2 ⊹ . ݁ morpheus, dream of the endless

description: after your last conversation with him, you get a surprise in the form of a tiny stray kitten. unbeknownst to you, this was morpheus' doing; now you find yourself searching for him, and inevitably, he appears, perhaps staying longer than he intended to.

parts: part one ; part two ; part three (tbw)

note: this is deliciously self-indulgent, and i realised that i am going for a slow burn (teaching myself some patience tbh). gng please comment n interact w me i wanna know ur thoughts frfr 🗣️💔🙏🏽

i apologise if morpheus is a bit ooc. i quite literally spend a lot of time studying his expressions and trying to capture them in my writing, but it's just too difficult; he is so disgustingly beautiful.

tw: discussing distressing emotions in the beginning, a bit of an existential crisis goes on in the conversations.

time passed, and you did not meet with him again. you were slowly regaining the pace that you had lost. however, in moments of piercing despondency, you missed the quiet, aching intimacy you had shared with the dream king. you chided and reminded yourself that it was one conversation, but every time you saw the hourglass perched on your table, you came undone again.

you hadn’t talked about that night with your friends or anybody else. you looked at the foggy bathroom mirror after taking your first shower in days. your exhausted reflection stared right back at you, and you squeezed your eyes shut, whispering his name under your breath. you opened your eyes, and everything was the same. the bathroom light buzzed slightly, and you could hear the water dripping from the faucet in the bathtub. you let out a sigh and proceed to gather the energy to do your skincare and dry your hair. if you were grateful about one thing, it was your new roommate, who immediately raised your spirits by simply existing in the same space.

a week ago, you found a grey kitten outside your apartment building. she shivered in the rain, her fur matted with dirt and fleas. you crouched in front of her with no plan, no food, no carrier, and not even the emotional bandwidth to manage yourself, but somehow you ended up with her zipped inside your hoodie, mewling faintly against your chest. back at home, your parents never allowed you to keep pets, but you always wished for a feline companion. you didn’t realise the extent of your responsibility over such a tiny being, but you were glad to have her. you hadn’t decided on a name yet. she was scared at first, sleeping under the table and hissing when you tried to pet her. on the fourth day, when you woke up, you found her curled up next to you in your bed. you used the pad of your index finger to gently rub the space between her eyes and head. she purred.

the two of you developed a routine of your own. she had her meals at the same time every day, and that forced you to eat your meals with her, too. it was a strange thing because she never ate unless you took a bite of your food in front of her. you didn’t complain. you started waking up at the same time. not because you wanted to. because she demanded breakfast. you started leaving the blinds half-open, letting daylight in for her when you were gone to attend classes. you even talked to her, and when you cried, she climbed up your chest and licked your face. you apologised aloud more than once, you weren’t sure to whom.

you started laughing more at her antics; when she got stuck in the tiny space between your bed and the wall, when she meowed loudly at your electric kettle because it made a whistling sound she didn’t enjoy, and many more. every night, she burrowed herself under the covers, pressing her tiny body to the hollow spot near your neck. for the night, the ache in your heart calmed down to a dull sort of pressure.

you didn’t know, actually, you couldn’t know that morpheus had guided the kitten towards you. he had whispered into her dreams too. a part of him, even though far away, didn’t want to leave you alone. but you suspected something when the kitten developed an attachment to the hourglass that you owned, more than any of the fancy toys you had purchased for her. she hadn’t arrived in your life by accident but by design, in an unspoken way. something felt different.

you were lying in your bed, listening to music, the kitten sprawled across in front of you, half-asleep and warm. you didn’t hear him appear at first, but she noticed. her ears perked up, and she jumped out the bed, silently walking across your room to the hallway that led to the door. you followed her, curious, and there he was, dream.

he was dressed in all black, minus the cloak, making him look more… human. he didn’t speak as the kitten trotted towards him, rubbing her face against his ankles without hesitation. he bent down and scratched her chin, a sliver of a smile ghosting his features.

“she doesn’t like strangers usually,” you say softly, your fingers twitching a bit as amusement glinted in his eyes. your voice trembled because you didn’t know how to react to his presence filling up your room.

“she knows me,” he responds, standing back up and walking towards you.“i noticed you have been sleeping well as of late.” he continued, hands behind his back, lips pursed slightly.

you raised a brow, “she knows-”

“i found her,” he admitted. “she had strayed away, lost and unnoticed. i merely guided her. i thought, perhaps, you would benefit from her company. it was her choice to stay.”

you stared at him in disbelief, mouth agape. “you sent me a cat?” thinking it was ridiculous yet adorable at the same time. the kitten meowed, as if she was affirming dream’s statements.

“i did not wish for you to think i was not watching over you when i was gone.” he said, walking towards your chair and sitting. morpheus had thoughts of you cross his mind more than he wanted to let himself believe he did. “i had certain responsibilities that demanded my attention. but my offer was never fleeting. you are welcome in the dreaming whenever you intend to.”

“thank you for everything, dream.” you intertwined your fingers and then brought your knuckles to your mouth, slightly biting them to ground yourself. you felt your nervous energy radiating throughout your body as you plopped onto your soft bed. “what brings you here… to my room?”

“you may call me morpheus.” he said, conveniently not responding to what you said. morpheus.. that was a beautiful name, it suited him more than anything you have ever heard. it was like a forgotten lullaby, a prayer. the kitten perched on his lap as his slender fingers threaded through her fur. ‘what a traitor...’ you thought to yourself. her kitten warmed up to him so quick it made you a bit jealous.

“she really likes you… morpheus.” you scowled playfully, bringing your knees to your chest. you wanted to become really small and disappear because you didn’t know how to behave when he is so... regal. he let out a half sigh and a half grunt of agreement, and it was ever so endearing to you that you forgot to breathe.

“she’s been good for me,” you said, nodding towards the kitten. “she kept me up with the routine. taught me responsibility and care. i’ve been doing good, you know? not perfect but i am just trying to live one day at a time”

“i am glad to hear that,” he said, his gaze fixated on you. oh how you missed those blue orbs, piercing straight through you as if he is attempting to unravel you with everything he does. you didn’t realise how much you wanted him until you had him there, within your reach.

“thank you for the little keepsake. it is quite gorgeous.” you were referring to the hourglass that was still on the table. you will cherish it forever.

“i require no thanks. you owe me nothing,” he said matter-of-factly. “i did it because i wanted you to remember me,” he quietly added, his voice barely a notch above a whisper. morpheus has learnt self-control all his life. he had learnt to lose love; he had learnt that everything he touches usually ends in tragic pieces. he has practiced restraint and imbibed it. but in that moment, he let it sit between the two of them, untouched. his fascination with you, a mortal, stirred emotions he preferred not to think about. yet, he felt disarmingly present as you brought out the honesty in him that he suppressed.

“i would never forget someone like you.” your voice was breathless because his words knocked the wind out of you entirely. nobody had ever taken such an interest in you. this was new, almost unbelievable to you. “i kept thinking about you while you were gone,” you murmured.

“you did?” he asked, pondering over your statement and looking at the kitten, away from you.

“of course i did.”

morpheus didn’t say anything. both of you just sat there, acknowledging the exchange of words and feelings that hung like a fog that refused to lift.

you wanted to touch him, but you balled your hands into fists, your fingernails digging against the skin of your palms. you weren’t sure what this would entail, what this entirely was. it didn’t follow the shape of anything you had felt before. you had loved, you had been heartbroken, you had loved people who hadn’t returned it to you, but this was different.

somewhere along the way, you didn’t see him as an otherworldly being or a king, just a man; one who, without trying, managed to capture your whole heart and sink his teeth into it.

the kitten purred loudly in his lap, and you sighed.

“she likes you more than me, i think,” you teased, hoping to dissipate the tension. he glanced at her and then back at you.

“that is rather unfortunate.”

“why?”

“because it’s you i returned for.”

he didn’t say it theatrically. just plainly. honestly. but it landed like a truck aimed at your body. you flinched lightly; your efforts of enticing banter failed in the best way possible. you blinked once. twice. and then walked over to him, kneeling and scratching the kitten behind her ears.

“i hope she doesn’t mind that.”

he looked down at you, his jaw clenched. seeing you there, like that, morpheus felt a pang in his heart that he hadn’t felt in eons.

he had observed your dreams: a conversation you wished you’d had, a place you once loved, especially your childhood bedroom, but it flickers into distortion. a version of your mother who held you longer than she did in waking life. morpheus saw that you often dreamt of missing things: a drawing you made in sixth grade, your pink blanket you lost, people, and even yourself. you dreamt of films you watched, you loved. it was your escape. in a realm of infinite possibilities, you dreamt of the ordinary, and it made morpheus linger. your dreams also carried the guilt and tenderness of exchanges where you couldn’t say things when it mattered. you always returned to what you feel. in the days he was gone, you dreamt of seeing him again.

it terrified him to hold something as fragile as longing. it was not for the endless to get tangled in the complexities and nuances of relationships. yet here he was, in your room, leaving his duties behind to chase the brief illusion of being human. to sit beside you, not as dream of the endless, but as something softer, normal, almost real.

you never asked anything more of him, never asked for prophecy or power. from the beginning, you never addressed him as “lord” or “king”. and he allowed it to happen. no one had ever looked at him like that, like he was simply a man, a man who recognised a part of himself in you.

he told himself it was just fascination.

then curiosity.

concern maybe.

but none of those words survived the second he had you curled up, kneeling beside him, your fingers painfully close to his, petting the kitten as you made soft cooing noises towards her. his chest tightened and then relaxed because you never imposed anything on him. you were just there. he tried, oh he really tried.

“morpheus?” you broke the silence. he hummed under his breath. “do you ever get tired of it?”

“of what?”

“being you.”

he paused and looked at you. really looked. “sometimes,” he said. “when i forget i chose this.”

“you chose this?” you responded.

“i chose what came with it.”

his expression was distant, and you could sense the weariness of the burden he always carried. an eternal being bound to a purpose he didn’t choose but couldn’t abandon. it was a duty without rest, one that asked all of him but gave him nothing in return except for the knowledge that without him, the world would break. it made you wonder how he could find the space to be here, and look at you like you mattered amongst the vast, unending weight of the universe’s dreams.

“can you stay?” you softly asked “just for tonight?”

his head tilted, a flicker of surprise crossing his face. it was a strange request, but every bone in his body was pulled towards you. it was almost like you understood what loneliness meant for someone like him, and that the thought hurt you.

“only if you want to,” you added, suddenly unsure of yourself. “you don’t have to.”

he didn’t say anything when you pushed back in your bed and slipped under the covers. the kitten didn’t move from his lap, instead curled up into a ball and yawned.

he wasn’t lying beside you, not yet, but you could feel his soft gaze on you. he had his back plush against the chair, his head resting.

and you slept better than you had in months, with dreams of candlelit hallways that led to a world that was just yours.

the next morning, you woke up slowly, not because of any alarm, not from the heaviness of your existence; it was gentler this time. you didn’t have a massive headache pounding in your ears.

the kitten was meowing quietly in morpheus’ arms as he stood across your window. he was there. the light touched his jaw, casting a pale gold line across his cheek. his lips parted slightly, and you noticed how beautiful he is.

you rolled onto your side as you gripped the edge of your blanket loosely.

“you stayed,” you say hesitantly, sleepily.

his eyes met yours without a trace of surprise.

“i said i would.”

“i thought you’d disappear while i was asleep,” you remarked, slowly getting up and standing beside him against the window. you peeked out and saw the coffee shop across your building, bustling with people. it was a quiet neighbourhood, albeit with the cafe where people got their morning drinks.

“i nearly did,” he said, almost boyishly. “but she made it difficult,” he nodded towards the kitten who pawed at your shoulder. time for her breakfast.

“she can be clingy.” you grinned, taking her from his arms. your fingers brushed against his for the smallest of seconds. they were warm, and you craved more. there was something strange about waking up with him there. not in your bed but just in your… space. like he had folded within your orbit into something impossibly mundane.

“are you hungry?” you asked, walking towards the kitchen area and pulling out a box of chocolate cereal, which was your favourite. you also poured some cat food into a bowl next to the counter.

“i do not eat.” he replied, following you but maintaining space between the two of you.

“damn… i was gonna offer you a royal breakfast.” you waved the box, and the cereal inside made a rattling noise.

“cereal is not food,” he said bluntly, tilting his head.

you laughed for real now, for the first time in a long time. and when you did, something in him shifted. morpheus’ stoicism melted into something soft, and he let out a small smile.

you sat on the counter and stirred the milk in your bowl absentmindedly, the rattling of your spoon the only sound for a while. morpheus straightened slightly, like he was thinking whether to say something or not. when he finally did, it was in the slow, deliberate way he had when choosing words carefully.

"you said, before... that i must think you are weak, for hoping for a painless end." his voice was softer than you expected. you glanced at him in surprise. you hadn't thought he had held onto that.

"i-yeah. i said that." you stayed still, scared that he would disappear if you made quick movements. 

“I do sometimes consider the same,” he stated, not looking away. “the idea of ceasing sounds… appealing to me.”

you stared at him and took a bite of your cereal, the familiar sweet taste flooding your mouth. “it makes sense, doesn’t it? You have been alive for centuries, with your sole purpose tied to responsibilities that serve humanity.” you responded. “i don’t enjoy being alive. sure, i am grateful for the life that i have been given, but only because i indulge in things that i can potentially get satisfaction out of. not something that is part of my job or my duty but just because it’s there… and i can. i could do it for no reason except for the fact that in that moment, it simply makes me feel alive.” 

“my existence is bound to my realm. i am consumed by it in ways i cannot explain; it is the air i breathe and the shape of my very being.”

“every dream, every nightmare and every thought that crosses the mortal mind has been carefully woven together with the power i have been bestowed… and that matters.” his jaw tightened. “it matters the utmost… to me.” he continued, not harshly, but with quiet conviction.

“ofcourse it matters,” you say, taking in his words and placing them in the deepest corners of your heart. “i can see it in the way you carry yourself, the way you talk about your realm like it is the only thing that has truly ever been yours. the way you share the comfort of it with people who need it, with the way i needed it.” 

he exhaled softly, pursing his lips. morpheus hadn’t expected himself to hear you speak with without judgment or expectation; only an understanding of the hollow space inside his body that he chose to ignore. 

you pushed yourself off the counter and opened your wardrobe to pick out the clothes you wanted to change into. you were not facing him anymore, and somehow it was easier for you to pull yourself together. “what… what i was trying to say before was that you should have something that is just for you. something that makes you matter not as the ruler of the dreaming, not because it keeps your realm running but because it makes you feel good.” you were careful not to push too hard, after all he was older, wiser, an entity yielding power beyond your imagination. “us humans, we rely on things outside of ourselves. stupid little rituals, music, hobbies…even people for comfort and meaning.”

your words felt alien to him, yet, undeniably so, morpheus thought about how he could still be allowed a corner of existence that did not fall underneath duty and responsibilities. it was almost selfish… dangerous even to stray beyond the path chosen for him. but this strange thought lodged itself deep between his ribs. he lowered his gaze briefly. morpheus was not used to uncertainty, painting his actions, but he wondered about how he felt when he was within your vicinity. 

he found, to his disquiet, that he was…listening. not as a ruler who tolerates human concerns out of politeness, but as someone who found comfort. there was a strange steadiness in their conversations, like she was capable of holding his tangled thoughts, unravelling them, without flinching and spooling them like a ball of yarn. it unsettled him further that he sought you out for a second time, lingered in the waking world longer than he intended to, and spoke more plainly than ever.

you caught him in some deep thought, and you chose to stay silent, going about your way. you weren’t sure if you had crossed a line, and you were too scared to find out. he was practically unreadable except for his words, his voice, and it terrified you to confront the growing emotions that you were attaching to him. 

“and you?” his voice came quiet and steady. “what do you do?” he asked, looking at you as though your answer mattered to him. it startled you. 

“sit.” you said, almost like an invitation. his brow lifted slightly, and he didn’t move until you added, “will you indulge me for a moment?” 

that earned you the faintest quirk of his mouth; not quite a smile, but it was enough to send heat creeping up your face. He lowered himself onto your bed, his posture still impossibly straight.

you walked to the counter and took out two glasses, pouring cold milk into it, then ice, and then coffee. your room lingered with the faint earthy smell of coffee grounds, with the clink of you stirring the glasses filling the silence. 

“i do not-” he said, after a while.

“i know.” you replied without looking back as you used your stirrer to foam up the coffee for both of you. “it isn’t about you drinking, it’s simply about the process of making it and sharing it.”

you sat down next to him, handing him his glass. he held it with both his hands, like it was something sacred. morpheus could feel the cooling sensation seep into his fingers, studying the tiny droplets of water forming on the surface of the glass. it shook him out of his stupor, his daze; it felt like returning to normalcy. 

he watched you take a sip, humming a bit at the taste. “this is what i mean. something without obligation. doing it even though it is fleeting…unless you decide to churn coffee throughout the day and drown in it…which i would probably do because i love it so much.” you giggled, feeling like you are thirteen again with a schoolgirl crush, making stupid jokes when you get too nervous. 

he took a sip, reluctantly, still having the ghost of a smile on his face. “i see.” he said. “perhaps… i am already doing this, without intending to.” he hesitated, a faint crease appearing on the corners of his eyes.  

you tilted your head. “because you are here? sharing something purposeless?”

“because i am here,” he echoed, tasting how those words felt in his mouth. “because… you asked me to.”

you looked away, feeling shy, tracing absent-minded circles across the rim of your glass with your finger-tip. “so…will i see you again?”

“if you wish to.”

it was not a question. 

you gave a quiet huff of a laugh. “i wouldn’t want otherwise.”

for a moment, his gaze flickered; then, almost imperceptibly, his shoulders eased. 

“i do not usually return to the waking world unless my duty asks of me, but i find myself inclined to…speak with you again,” he said, getting up, petting the sleeping kitten. 

“then it’s settled,” you said, smiling widely. “you’ll come back.” 

he nodded silently, his gaze softening just enough for you to notice, the faint warmth of your voice still clinging to him. “i must take your leave now. see that you keep safe.” 

you laughed at his words again and saw the confusion cross his face. it was quite funny to you how he could take something as simple as a phrase as ‘take care’ and mould it into something utterly theatrical for no reason at all. but you liked it, so you couldn’t care to explain yourself.

“see you, morpheus.” and he disappeared into a whirlpool of sand before you got a chance to finish your statement, though you didn’t doubt that he heard you. you scratched the kitten’s chin as she let out a yawn again. you already missed his presence, the room felt empty and gloomy. 

“well, i guess it is you and me again…until he shows up,” you sighed, knowing that the saccharine affliction of yearning has already started to unfurl across your entire being. “this man is going to be the absolute death of me.” 

note: i haven't proofread this because my brain wasn't registering these words after a point lmao, but hope ya'll enjoyed it! do lmk in the comments.

credits: the pictures are from pinterest, so credits to the respective owners.

the divider is from @hyuneskkami :))

[haniwrites]

BAD DECISION! ; 1 ⊹ . ݁ morpheus, dream of the endless

description: reader finds unexpected comfort in the lord of dreams - tenderly and quietly.

parts: part one ; part two ; part three (tbw)

note: season two emotional damage got to me and i just want to write angst with a comfort, romantic ending ;) i haven't written in a long time so excuse my grammar, punctuations and an excessive obsession with descriptions. it's loosely inspired by my current favourite song bad decision by esha tewari hehe! do give it a listen.

tw: i talk about struggles with mental health, possible self-harm, distressing emotions, so do read with caution.

the sole act of living felt like an act of survival, where god's plan became watching you fail at almost everything you do. you take one look at your unmade bed and the static ringing in your ears as you head to your college classes. every outside stimulus felt like a sharp knife whittling away at everything warm and alive inside of you, leaving the space hollow. every futile attempt to stop it was like pressing wet cotton inside the aching space - desperate, sodden, and slowly rotting away. you felt like a rip-off of your childhood self, a constellation of hopeless ambitions and decaying memories of when you truly felt unadulterated happiness.

you could have been anyone, but here you are, trapped in a city equivalent to your rotten core and studying a major that you couldn't care less about. the life that you so desperately wanted slipped through your fingers before you even knew how to hold it and something about that revelation clawed at every inch of your skin. you gritted your teeth at the injustice you were dealt with, but immediately choked on guilt a few moments later.

"this doesn't make any sense.." you quietly remarked. "people have survived worse things." you don't get to be angry. you don't get to hurt like this. your parents handed you everything like a beautifully crafted plate of food, and your friends were kind to you in ways you couldn't even fathom, like the honeyed rays of the warm interlude in summers. the world had been gentle to you, yet you felt undone in ways that felt inconsequential.

in your dreams, you lead an exciting life, a world full of childish wonder and just enough elements that put a halt to the feelings that overwhelm your waking hours. although the fleeting reminders of the same feel like a drug-induced vertigo when you wake up, you cling to the mercy of the world that existed beyond. it felt like you were meant to just be here instead of the real world.

that is when it began, a downward spiral, where all you did was elongate the sleep. at first it was nothing. a skipped class here. a long nap there. what was a nature-given habit turned into something you did alongside breathing, a necessity, an addiction of sorts. your days blended into one, and everything else became a distant memory. until one night, between the blurry outlines of your dream, a voice cut through, soft but distant.

"you have lingered here far too long."

you turned, confused, whether this was a fragment of your imagination or a hallucination due to the wires in your brain finally giving up on you. "it's.. this is just my dream." you responded, your throat suddenly feeling dry. how are you even feeling anything? "isn't it?"

"yes," the voice answers, "and no." you flinch when his figure appears in front of you, between a whirlpool of what seemed like sand. you were taken aback but also filled with curiosity as you stared at him intently, captivated by his lightning-blue eyes with pinpricks of speckled silver. his face was a mix of strange tenderness and quiet severity, and his presence felt vast. you weren't scared, but you weren't comfortable either. it was a feeling you couldn't pinpoint, or maybe multiple emotions you didn't recognise.

"who are you?" your voice wavered as you took a few steps back, unnerved by his towering existence. he tilted his head, hands crossed behind his back, as he responded, "you wish to only exist in a realm that does not belong to you," there was a tinge of harshness in that statement you did not quite understand.

"is this supposed to be a warning for sleeping too much? because you still haven't told me who you are." you bit the insides of your cheek and stared even though you didn't mean to. if you couldn't fight for your place in the outside world, the least you could do was fight for it here.

he looked at you too. for morpheus has seen dreamers of all sorts, but few so...dedicated. he felt strangely obligated to know more about you, a mortal who carried so much loneliness that he couldn't help but answer her pleas. something in you had resonated with morpheus in ways even he couldn't fully grasp.

"i am dream of the endless." he finally responded. his voice was deliberate and heavy. "and you, dreamer, are trying to build a home in my realm. that is not something i can allow to happen." he walked slowly towards you, a certain melancholy glossing over his features.

you wanted to laugh at yourself and at him. this bizarre hallucination, which turned out to be some ruler of the dream world (you think?), was now banning you from dreaming. "wouldn't me dreaming or staying here.. like keep your realm working? technically, you need me? don't you?"

you talked back, crossing your arms, fingers crossed that he doesn't unleash some curse upon you. it was just a dream, and this is probably your mind making up things to scare you.

"i am real... as real as you. and i am not angry but you seem lost." he let out a sigh, his lips curving slightly. did he just read your mind? it was enough to shut you up. nobody had ever said that to you, the word "lost". it was mostly just people talking about routines, meditation, do this... do that. never "lost". you had talked about your struggles with your parents, friends and even your therapist. you had been consistent in trying to change the way you lived, tried every damn thing to break the knots in your neurons that twisted and stabbed at every thought, injecting it with poisonous nonsense that breached your daily routine. however, you were strangely enamoured by his presence, the way he carved you out in a single sentence, simple vowels.

"i didn't ask to be found or seen. i just... i just need to escape. even if it's for a while." and this was true. you did not wish to talk about or process the emotions that overwhelmed you, you simply needed a distraction, a safe haven, something that you wish to call your own.

"no" he agreed. "but you came here hoping someone would. you wish to disappear but not die. you crave peace and silence, so you decided to seek refuge in me, in dreams."

you looked around, hoping that you would be transported back to your magical fantasy of warm-hued countryside dreams. your childhood room, maybe, the smell of your dusty journal, and your pencil scratching the pages as you wrote about your new classroom crush. but all you saw was grey and him, standing in all black with sand ebbing around. his words hurt you sharper than they were probably meant to.

"you must think i'm incredibly weak to wish for a painless end. a fictional end." you respond, feeling guilt and slight embarrassment wash over you at his very honest observation.

morpheus has had countless conversations with dreamers who had lost their way and were more than happy to be redirected as they sought guidance from him. this one took him by surprise; acceptance was not usually the first response he got from mortals. it also slightly pained him, hearing the way you felt about the conversation, about yourself.

"i do not think that way." he said, moving closer to you, his gaze softening as he takes in the brevity of your feelings. "i may not wholly understand you but i have seen enough souls lose their mind trying to bury their pain in dreams. i simply do not wish for the same outcome to befall you."

"why does it matter to you? if the dreaming is your realm and you really do own it, i am an insignificant human being. why care? just let me be." you whispered, your voice cracking at the end of the statement, not knowing whether it was a question or quiet begging. tears rimmed the corner of your eyes, stinging like it would in real life. something was giving out inside your chest and you only knew it was your frail heart.

"you become a part of my realm every time you dream, it makes you my responsibility. every being in my realm deserves and is under my protection."

he somehow knew the exact answers to every question you had, and you believed him. it was the kind of trust you had never been able to extend to yourself. he didn't look at you with disappointment or pity but with recognition. it felt like you were seen quietly, without judgment, still becoming. still learning to find your footing on the uneven ground.

"sorrow and grief are not just shaped by tragedy. it can be slow, all-consuming, eroding away at meaning over countless years. that even in a life where you have been handed comfortable experiences, it is possible to suffer." he continued, looking away, staring at something in the distance. his head was tilted down, not out of resignation but out of respect.

"what..what do i do?" you asked, your voice now voice dripping with an agitated desperation

"you are already yearning for something better. asking questions and for now that is enough. but i'm afraid you must wake."

"no.." you said sharply, instinctively. "just a while more. please."

he looks back at you with utmost patience and sadness in his eyes. his eyes that you haven't been able to look away from. he was a beautiful, enigmatic god, and you were begging for your place in his realm. "i have seen the tenderness of your dreams, but it's rather unfortunate that you cannot live in them."

you gave in. there was nothing you could say back, knowing he was right. you were not a ten-year-old girl anymore, riding her new bicycle without a care about what was happening around. you felt the warmth of his presence, almost like he was holding you without making contact.

"i don't think i can make it out there," you said, choking on your words. "i have tried and i have failed again and again."

dream raised his hand, "yes, i know." and there was nothing dismissive about it. but it was all he said. in that moment, it was all you needed to hear. just somebody who knew. the silence between the two of you did not feel awkward; it was comforting, like the hush between oceanic tides right before they kiss the shore. he waited patiently for you to be ready.

"i'm scared." you admitted, tears rolling down your cheeks as your hand hovered over his. you looked up to him through tear-soaked lashes, his gaze still. it made it easier for you to breathe when he watched you with his beautiful blue eyes. they were like light filtered through water, dappling and iridescent.

"you may come back later." he offered, "to rest, to just be. you are welcome here, but for now you must wake." you blinked hard, but couldn't say anything. you weren't sure who dream exactly even was, but one thing was certain: the aching feeling of yearning was already blooming within you. you wanted to see him again, and he gave you permission to find your way back.

you nodded slowly at his response and gingerly placed your hand in his before slipping away into oblivion.

when you opened your eyes, the static was still there, your bed was still unmade, but you cracked the curtains open, seeing the slant of sunlight capture little speckles of dust that suspiciously resembled sand. you wondered whether he was just a figment of your imagination when you noticed something sitting on your nightstand. something you haven't seen before.

it was a small hourglass with midnight-colored sand suspended in mid-air inside it. you reached for it and touched it. it felt cold in your warm, sweaty palms. real. you moved it, but the sand stayed caught between motion and stillness.

in that moment, you could swear, just for a second, that you felt him.

proof that he had been there. that he had seen you, heard you, and chosen something to leave behind. you weren't sure if anybody would believe you, but it didn't matter because it wouldn't change a damn thing.

for the first time in ages, you didn't dread being awake. you clutched the hourglass to your chest and just lay there, breathing, as you processed the events that had unfolded. you didn't know what you were waiting for. only that you wanted to see him again, and the wanting hurt. but even though it hurt, you were still there, and that probably meant something.

note: so i wanna make this a four-part series? maybe more idkk. i am honestly so lovesick over morpheus i just cannot accept this ending. obviously im gonna write some more fluff now and slowly build the relationship. i hope ya'll like it, and i would love to hear your thoughts and feedback ! take care, and i'll post the next part very soon !!

credits: the pictures are from pinterest so credits to the respective owners.

the divider is from @hyuneskkami :))

[haniwrites]

REFLECTIONS – kei tsukishima

description: slowly questioning the relationship you built with tsukishima on lies.

note : uhm uhm hi ? this is sort of an angsty drabble (went through a terrible breakup... so yeah)

tw: mentions of a small injury

you wanted to keep a brave face because you were scared to fall apart so easily in his absence. he was gone but not really, not physically, just mentally. you could feel an invisible barrier grow slowly between you and tsukki. you held yourself together by replaying the bittersweet memories of him always being close to you and reminding you everyday how you were his forever to keep. that time felt so far gone but you revelled in those broken pieces of his previous self which reminded you of why you fell for him in the first place. they were not perfect at all. tsukki was always closed off, quiet and maintained his civility in all matters. it was difficult for you to poke and prod around his heart and mind to understand him. your efforts were futile and he was scared to trust you.

you were patient though, unwavering and forthcoming in declaring your fondness for his antics. it was his quietness and determined nature which drew you towards him, like a moth to a flame. their relationship was built upon wistful gazes, those fleeting touches and occasional exchanges of speech. you observed every little thing about him, how the words spilled from the concave spaces between his strawberry soft lips. you had felt the urge to touch them and run your fingers across his warm skin. this game of push and pull went on for days until the day tsukki hurt his hand. you saw the beads of blood drip between his fingers, marring his pale skin, the contrast so bright and flowing across his arm. you had ran towards him, looking at him with worry etched across your face. he refused your help but eventually gave in, grimacing at your stubborn nature but loosening up as he saw you chuckle at his state. you took his palm, feeling the calloused skin against your soft ones. it bought you comfort and peace because this was the closest you will ever get to him. you wanted to burn every part of it inside your mind. his fingers were slender with lithe grace, aiding him in playing volleyball. they always called him thin and bony but you saw it differently. he was agile like a deer with nimble limbs that added to his confident posture. you were enamoured by how pretty this boy was.

so you were not surprised by the all too familiar sweet despondency you felt when you had the epiphany that he perhaps does not feel the same emotions you feel. that, in simple words, he was losing interest. you pondered upon the fast fading liveliness of your relationship with tsukishima, eliciting a grunt from you as you again sat alone for dinner. the rose-coloured romanticism which painted your bond with him was breaking apart, tying you to the shackles of reality. not everything was as flawless as you deemed it to be. your ever emerging need for reassurance and his aloofness towards human sentiments were constantly at war, leaving you two at each other's throats. the distance floated like an entity between you and him, unspoken but almost tangible.

yet it did not stop you from reminiscing the fond but melancholic memories of you and him. you wondered how he kept you pulled in, his magnetic field getting stronger as time passed by. even now, after that fateful revelation, you refused to let the truth swallow you, clinging onto the superficial affection which he sent your way. it was startling to see how his bitter words were contrasting to the softness of his lips. the same lips which kissed you and touched you in places of your ardent reverie. it was slipping through your fingers and you were desperately trying to hold it and keep it close to you. the same man which built your confidence, your belief in your thoughts and coaxing you to love yourself a little more was the one aiming for your heart, breaking down whatever was left and taking back what he had given to you. you couldn't lie anymore because it left an angry bruise on your psyche, infuriating you even more.

but deep down you were just sad. it was a shame how you kept delaying the truth that was handed out to you like a beautifully crafted meal on a glass plate that looked better than it tasted. your broken heart was equivalent to melted ice cream on an awfully hot and uncomfortable day. you had to take the final step instead of twisting and turning the same thoughts inside your head. his sweetness drew you in but his rages burnt your heart harder. you cannot leave, it seemed impossible to break the connection between you and tsukki. he was barely there and you had no way of getting through his heart.

the final blow happened when you caught tsukki eye fucking your bestfriend. how could you not see this coming? the missed dinner dates, coming home late, the distance, everything. you stared at yourself in the mirror so hard you could see your face distort and twist and turn. you felt like you were being dragged across uneven land, the rocks and stones stabbing at your back. you picked at your nails, the skin around them seeing little beads of blood pool around your cuticles. you still loved him didn't you? a monologue playing in your head as you dissected the situation. which side should you pick? if you weren't already so fucked up, this was just an added bonus. another episode, a relapse and you couldn't make another person stay in your life.

tsukki was your entire world. if you could, you would have burnt everyone down to get to him. you felt like you owed him your unconditional love and ask for nothing in return. your identity was lost, you did not speak, you quietly forgave him. and all this was just a facade.

note: i hope ya'll enjoyed this cus it sure did rip my heart open to write it. but, oh well, it's always best to transform grief into creative energy lmaoo.

credits: divider from @hyuneskkami :))

[haniwrites]

SOFTCORE ; 2 – tooru oikawa

description: here, oikawa discovers what it means to love you and the inadequacy of his love for someone like you.

parts : part one ; part two

note: wow it has been a month but i wrote the second part, i think this will require another as well lmao. i don't particularly like it bc it is just an angsty ramble and a bit on the shorter side. sorry. here is the link to the first one if you have not read it.

oikawa was so sure you did not possibly start to hate him. since the revelation you had been preoccupied with thoughts of kageyama all the time. it tore his conscience apart that it was kageyama who made you smile a little more and laugh a little louder. he could not express the extent of his feelings and he hated every single moment he spent knowing you were out of his reach.

oikawa enjoyed being alone. what people did not understand that receiving constant attention and just being seen for who you are were not the same. he was invisible to others except when he played. he was showered with empty compliments all his life, until you. you saw him for who he was, not just a volleyball player or an athlete but oikawa tooru. his essence, his very being, that was when he stopped feeling invisible. among tens of thousands of people, he would recognise your touch, your smell, your voice, he would know you and you would know him. he had never known someone like you, about people whose eyes contained the answers to all the mysteries of the universe, you, who knew that underneath his facade, he was just his five year old hurt self that needed a soft embrace and reassurance and that he was seen, he was heard, he was enough. how could he ever tell you that you made him feel things he has never felt before. oikawa wished he wasn't such a damn liar, he wished he did not have to keep lying to himself, he wished you hated him, he wished you knew how much he fucking loves you. he said it, he repeated the word several times out loud, it felt so inadequate, love, love was inadequate for him. he was inadequate to love someone like you. love was just another word to him, empty words with empty meanings.

except oikawa slowly felt the word dissolve into him, get embedded within the deepest corners of his heart as he watched you from afar. he loves the way you would get excited to talk about your favourite book, it was a feeling that enveloped him like a warm and gentle hug. is love like a sweet embrace ? he loves the way you show up at his house and drag him to the nearest convenience store to get a chocolate cake every tuesday, yelling your name with a playful demeanour. it gave him a rush, a fire kindling inside him upon hearing your sweet voice call out his name. he could never refuse, could he. is love like flame and sparks which melted the iron bars of the cage he was in ? he especially loves you when he could spend time in silence with you, just admiring you, fleeting gazes and wistful longing that ate away at his insides. the sound of your laughter chiming and making his heart flutter. is love like a painful longing for your beloved ? oikawa understood the inadequacy of love, how it was everything and nothing at the same time. how it meant too much and too little in different situations. all he knew is that he loves you.

it was worse for oikawa when he saw the ignorant bliss in your eyes. how you repeated the three words to him, reminding him of how he could drown in your love and care. now it was just suffocating him, burning up his lungs and choking him up. your way of showing affection was unadulterated love, never stopping to think twice before telling him how much you love him, that he should have etched within his mind that your love is the only thing he would ever remember in this lifetime. it was your love which was untainted, soft and carefree like a gentle stream. your love meant everything and nothing. your love hurt oikawa and healed him. he hates you and he loves you. he wished you would understand him again, wordlessly, no thoughts or words would ever be able to shape meaning of what he felt. he never said it back, he never could. oikawa felt the inadequacy of unrequited love, he wanted to cry.

credits: divider by @hyuneskkami :))

[haniwrites]

SOFTCORE ; 1 – tooru oikawa

description: you set oikawa's heart ablaze but he liked the feeling of his world burning down.

spoilers : haikyuu season two

parts : part one ; part two

note : that was a long long long break but i am back fr now, this is a mere word vomit which i might continue into a series. our beloved captain deserves something better but this is it for now

oikawa had never been good with words. since he was a child he allowed others to mould and twist his words till they were an ideal definition of what they wanted him to be. so he gave in and put up a false pretence till he could not recognise himself in the mirror anymore. who was he now?

he wished the words that he spoke were honest but every time he opened his mouth, they rested on his tongue like a bitter aftertaste, refusing to be let out. it was winter. he woke up shivering, feeling the piercing air nip at his neck, making him feel cold. it was so cold. he always felt this, he thought, pushing back his brunette strands that fell across his forehead. it was always wintertime in tooru oikawa's life, he would always feel the cold wash his skin, again and again, freezing his core. then came you, the prelude to his warm days.

you became the centre of his storm. at first, it was just playful bantering, fleeting conversations in the corridors of his high school and wistful gazes. at oikawa's games, you were the only constant in the crowd. soon, he found himself searching for your face amidst the strangers that cheered for him. his first instinct was to look for you, waiting outside after each game to hand him a box of cupcakes and congratulate him on finishing it, never winning.

"winning isn't everything tooru, i am proud of you."

his name fell off your lips so easily like melted butter glossing over the pan, sweet like honey, caressing his fragile emotions, not like a suspicious secret but a sacred oath.

he did not get into the nationals. a final blow at his wounded soul, tearing it apart like a piece of paper. "keep a brave face captain !" they said, inconsiderate fools, he thought as grief boiled under his skin, dissolving his bones. the tears on hajime's face left oikawa with a shameful feeling that destroyed a hole right through his aching heart. his masquerade was finally getting off, there was no great tooru oikawa anymore, it was him against his loss, his inadequacy to do one fucking thing right in his entire life. he chased perfection, yearned for the praise to fill the gaping holes in his heart while hating the idea to conform to the image everyone created of him. the irony of his situation was calming and disrupting at the same time. he wanted to scream.

you. he wanted you. the cupcakes and your words. you knew what to say to him. you saw right through his facade. there you were, standing in the hallways. oikawa put up his smile, winking, like a walking corpse. he wanted to seek comfort in your embrace, you tilted his world upside down, his feelings reigniting to the core. he was unsure of what this was.

" tooru, i will always be proud of you."

you both walked through the empty gardens, oikawa held it in, humming in response and smiling. you smiled back, unfazed. while you knew what to say at the right time, you knew when to stay silent and allow him to feel. you patched up his torn tapestry like it was nothing. you made everything look so easy. oikawa crumbled completely within your clutch. you were flawless. that was when anger coursed through his veins. what would you understand?

" you don't know anything. " oikawa snapped, hating every inch of himself, hating the words that so casually slipped from his mouth, you made him so fucking weak.

"indeed, i don't, but i would tell you about the mistakes i made to show you that you and i are the same, that i felt it too, the hatred and anger of my errors." you said, leaving oikawa onto his fucking knees. a raging emotion coursing through his being. he would never call it what it was at that time. that word. he knew it, sitting right on his tongue as always, but he never did.

oikawa had heard of the story of icarus. how he had built feathers, piece by piece to fly high and touch the sun. you were his sun. you walked into his wintry weather, filling it with gentle warmth. he felt like flying and breaking free every time you brushed your lips against his ears, whispering those three words carelessly. from the sunshine rays to the honeyed lights of the brown hues in your eyes, oikawa sensed it all. he took you in, feeling the world around him crash and burn, losing his mind over every lingering touch, observing his paper wings aflame with your heat.

what oikawa was unaware of was that icarus flew too high, the feathers melting as he fell to his death, carried away by the frigid ocean waves.

he felt it when he heard that you had a crush on karasuno's setter, a large grin on your face. he felt the scorching gaze of your fervour melting his wings. oikawa had let himself fly too high as he felt himself fall and he knew it won't stop feeling like that anytime soon.

credits: divider by @hyuneskkami :))

[haniwrites]

LOVE LANGUAGES – attack on titan

description: characters; eren, levi, hange, armin, mikasa, erwin, jean, connie, sasha

notes: first writeup ever ? ehehe my math midterm is tmrw and i needed some comfort to release my stress, so here u go ! lmk if you want a part two with other characters :p

✧ EREN :

moral support and words of affirmation

him being all passionate about his own opinions and beliefs tatakae, he is bound to listen to you rant about your day, your thoughts and ideas. i feel like he would sit with you on the rooftop, just listening to you vent and talk. he would mirror your excitement, sadness, happiness and other emotions perfectly and always provide you with moral support whenever you need it. he would ask you about your day and your worries, often making you a cup of coffee or tea to soothe your nerves, precious boy <3

✧ LEVI :

words of affirmation

levi is really not good with expressing his emotions verbally so he resorts to notes and letters. every morning when he leaves early to train, he makes sure he writes you a little note saying either 'i love you' or ' you look pretty today '. it always brings a smile to your face knowing that he would be by your side forever. he goes out of his way to comfort you when you are feeling disappointed. his words motivate you and make you feel loved. he knows its the little things that you care about the most, touch starved man :(

✧ HANGE :

definitely physical touch

feeling anxious about your next mission ? no worries, hange will always be there either holding your hand or giving you a soft rub at the back of your neck. you literally m e l t against their touch, forgetting your tension. they aren't shy and would kiss your cheek in public openly. it makes you blush but relieves your stress. when they go alone to certain missions, hange makes sure that they give you double hugs and kisses before leaving. a peck on the forehead here and there out of the blue makes you feel so appreciated and loved, gay gay gay :>

✧ ARMIN :

spending quality time together

armin is a man of culture and knows your likes and dislikes. if you are feeling down, he would suggest the idea of going on a library date or cooking dinner together. his soft spoken demeanour and intelligence immediately attracted you and he always made sure that he spent time with you everyday. in your freetime, you both always spend time in the kitchen learning new recipes and cooking. he is shy and he often stutters or falters around you, so he devised a new plan to express his love and that is making cookies together !! it calmed you down and in between he would give u light kisses on your cheek, such a sweet baby :((

✧ MIKASA :

acts of service

mikasa absolutely loves helping you out with every chore you have. she would be by your side 25/8. she would go out of her way to carry out your tasks and relieve your stress. while you are writing down reports, she would sit by your side, feeding you tiny bits of food in between and patting your back. she would sometimes write down the reports for you without levi knowing about it, sneaky girl. however, she makes sure it does not make you feel like you are useless and can't handle your tasks well. it is just her way of showing you that she would never leave your side, she loves it when you pinch her cheek and express your gratitude for how much she helped you, give this woman validation ^_^

✧ ERWIN :

poetry and book recommendations

erwin is an avid reader and i feel like he would send you short love poems to express how lucky he is to have you by his side. he would send you novels from the local library with post-it notes annotating the paragraphs he loved the most and you would resonate with. it excites him that he finally has someone he can share his guilty pleasure with. you would go through the novels, reading in between the lines that remind you of him. you would annotate few pages in a different post-it colour and send it back to him. this was the way you both communicated, husband material asf !

✧ JEAN :

teasing and flirting

such a cocky bastard ?! would openly flirt with you and touch you in public. his hands are always on you, be it around your waist or intertwining your fingers together, he would tease you to see you blush. calls you cringey nicknames to annoy you smh. it is his way of displaying affection and supporting you. this man will go out of his way to playfully bicker with you over the simplest of things. he will place bets with you and if he wins, well, you would have to do something that he tells you to do and it is usually one of your pet peeves. however, at the end of the day, he is serious and quite invested in the relationship, he stands up for you always and vows to marry you someday, comfort as a human being fr >//<

✧ CONNIE :

spending quality time together

both of you are the crackhead duo, he loves doing illegal shit with you like sneaking out at night and pranking the squad members. having fun together and talking loudly to annoy the others is something you both enjoy doing. he is a menace to the society but at the same time a caring partner. he makes sure you never feel neglected or not good enough for him. he is the perfect human to cuddle with at night when you are feeling lonely and he makes sure to make you laugh by telling you a lame joke along the lines of 'how do you make holy water ? you boil the hell out of it !!' this man laughs at his own jokes and you shake your head as a small smile automatically adorns your face as well, cherish this man forever <3

✧ SASHA :

giving gifts / food dates

she would love making handmade gifts for you and you adore her way too much. she also gets so excited when you cook her lunch or dinner. you both love hanging out in the kitchen, trying out new recipes while making each other your favourite dishes. sasha never fails to surprise you and would leave small trinkets behind for you to keep. this would remind you of her always, even when she is not around or in a mission without you. you both love going on food dates and talking about each other's life. she would tell you stories while munching on the food you made. it was perfect, pretty lady :)

credits: divider by @hyuneskkami