31 and Figuring It Out
In March I got laid off. I had been working for the same company in a flexible position, that I loved, for nine years. In the time since my layoff I have been working solely as a freelance photographer and spending most of my time applying to jobs and playing trad wife at home. Not to say I haven't appreciated my first real summer in almost a decade, while also noting that I haven't really spent all that much time outside or playing with my friends while dreading the return to the classroom......but again I am 31 so life wouldn't feel like my childhood summers. I am fully ready to never clean another dish or do another load of laundry again, but I hear that's a lifelong thing too. Oh well.
The photography has been rewarding, I have more time to connect with clients and be more hands on in planning and communication. Editing has been happening faster and I find the pacing of the editing easier when I don't have to fit it into every single evening after working full time. The problem is once the winter hits, I don't have another wedding for 6 months and 6 months without an income is a huge, giant, super super scary upcoming deadline.
I've applied to so many different things, have hardly got any responses. I've had 1 interview, which didn't even seem like they were interviewing me for a job, just trying to find out information about a competing company. And with all of the rejections saying I have too much experience, not enough experience, or just the automated response email that says I didn't pass the pre-screening.....as a neurodivergent human it's hitting pretty hard emotionally. Not to mention my partner who is financially paying for every single bill we have and it's still not enough for us to break even every month....helllllllo guilt. It's a lot.
I got rejected for an $18/h cleaning job because I had no prior experience in cleaning professionally and I am starting to really understand why people are so angry they went to college. I mean I was told over and over and over growing up that to have a degree from a 4-year university and to get good grades and have honors and internships under my belt would guarantee steady employment for the rest of my life. HA. I'm not trying to be pessimistic either, I still fully believe I can get a job and the right one is out there, I just haven't found it yet. Or maybe it hasn't found me yet. The problem is there are plenty of jobs that would hire me on the spot, in fields I have no experience in, and the catch......they still wouldn't cover our bills or allow me the flexibility I need to still be running my business, which I have clients booked in for weekdays/weekends for months still to come, so I need something flexible.
Everyone has been so kind, my friends and family are all giving me links to any jobs they see that suit me and my experience, even some jobs that don't. They all empathize and are looking out for me, and so far I still have nothing to show for it. I'm starting to really doubt myself as a person, a partner and even just a member of society. Losing my job felt like losing a piece of myself that I loved so much and relied on mentally and emotionally.
If anyone by chance reads this and is hiring for $25/h I can do photography, graphic work, editing, social media, brand management, merchandising, design for email campaigns, I've designed layouts for catalogs, production work......heck i'll even answer calls and emails you don't want to do. I also can nanny or house sit or walk your dog or mow your lawn. At this point I'll organize all your Tupperware in the kitchen. Seriously. I live in Minneapolis if that helps anyone.
Okay now I do sound desperate. I know. I am doing my meditations and affirmations and still applying to everything that could work. I just feel lost. I hope this phase of my life leads to something better. I am really tired of struggling to maintain the world I built as it crumbles down around me. The bricks are heavy and cost too much.