i'm so sorry, mom

My name is Hanson and I'm a nineteen year old fuck up with a really cute boyfriend. He's a dork, but whatever.

[ftryan]

"I know you are, but I like it that way — and besides, I’m just as dramatic, so you do need to be able to keep up. Pffft. I’m not an international superstar yet! Then you can start printing out my Tweets to you and framing them. I dunno how long I’ll be home — we just finished recording the EP and I’m allowed a bit of a break before we start promoting the debut single and then it’ll be full-on all the time. Mm. You want to touch my phone so it’ll lock you out for not having my thumbprint? I mean, go right ahead, but don’t start taking my hand and making me press it when I’m asleep. Sounds… exciting. No, really, it actually sounds nice and comfortable, and God knows I haven’t gotten a full night’s sleep in forever, so you’re gonna have to deal with me doing that right next to you soon.” He grinned, shaking his head. “No, you’re not getting anything that easily.”

[hansongames-blog]

"I guess we're just a couple of drama queens, then. Actually-- you be the queen and I'll be the king. As usual. I don't think I'll ever frame your tweets, because I don't have room on my walls for anything else, but I'll be sure to favorite and maybe even screenshot some of them. Even though you've always been a superstar in my eyes. Aw. I'm cute. 'Full-on all the time' sounds like something that'll make me sad, because you'll never be home and you'll find someone with cooler hair than me and a better Pokemon collection-- if either of those things are even possible-- and you'll run off into the sunset together and I'll just be here... realizing how big of an idiot I am. But no, like, let me program it to recognize my fingerprint, you dummy. I'm not sure I'll really be dealing with it, because I've missed you sleeping next to me. A lot. Not even in a sexual teenage boy sorta way, just like... I've missed you." He said with a smile before pouting. "Why not?"

[babykian]

Okay. I believe you. I’m going to still try really hard. I’m going to have a really good scholarship and I’m going to go to a really good school, and I’m going to have a really good boyfriend to be there for me. Why don’t you go to a school if you applied places? So, thanks. I’m just not comfortable in general. Wait, Pokemon aren’t real? Uh, well, okay. Thanks. I-I want to, though. Like, I don’t want you to be confused about that. I really, really want to.

I know. But thank you so much. I don’t physically have enough time in the day for a job. I’m living off of government money, which isn’t great, but it’s whatever.I can’t stop hanging out with you, though. Well, not like— I just need to hang out with you because you’re the only thing that takes my mind off of things. When things get bad, you make me feel so much better about myself. You’re the only thing in my life that is always about me, and as selfish as that is, I can afford to be a little selfish. I think I can be really great if you help me. I’m really lucky to have the people in my life that I do, and I’m really happy that it’s you that I’m dating. Hey, can we play Pokemon soon? I’m in the mood for a Hanson day. Like, a cuddle Hanson day. One that involves making out and popcorn.

[hansongames-blog]

That's the attitude I'm looking for, see, doesn't it feel better to be positive? I could, but I just don't want to. I don't like school, and I'm an adult, so I shouldn't have to do stuff that I don't like doing. Maybe I'll change my mind in the future, but my online classes are enough right now. Nope, sadly they are not. Sorry to crush your dreams... and I'm not confused. I understand what you're saying completely, okay? It's fine. 

I'm really happy that I can help you forget about all of that shitty stuff, though. Everything will work out in the end, y'know? A few years down the road you'll probably be solving some ongoing life question or.. something important like that and everything will be alright. Until then, you have me and video games and as much pizza and snacks as you want, so I'd say that's pretty cool. Right? Okay, to be honest, I'm kind of offended that you would even ask me if we can play Pokemon. You do know who I am, don't you? But yeah, that sounds like a good idea. 

[ftryan]

"I’m sure I can manage something. Why’d you think that? I texted! I Tweeted you back a few times and everything. Honestly, though… I don’t know? It was just too easy to get completely wrapped up in writing and recording and everything without ever needing to surface. I did call, though! I called you the other day when I found out I’d be getting a break, but I’ve got a new phone, so I guess you didn’t answer an unknown number. My manager says I need to stay up to date so she got me the new iPhone and I haven’t really done much with it yet. I— I know you do, loser, and so do I. Hey, I don’t know what you’ve been doing all day! Which is why you need to tell me everything. I want to hear all about your mundane life stuff before I give you and Kian your presents."

[hansongames-blog]

"We'll see about that... And I dunno, maybe because I'm dramatic when it comes to certain things and you happen to be one of them. Your tweets are really the most exciting thing about my life recently, though. Like, oh my god, Ryan Black knows I exist. I understand, though, you're busy getting famous and I'll just have to suck it up. Do you know how long you'll be home? I kind of need it to be a long time to make up for lost cuddles. New iPhone, though? Those things are fancy as heck, like, let me put my fingerprint on the scanner thingy. There's really not much to share, because nothing's changed since you've left. I've been doing a lot of lounging? One perk of taking online courses is that you don't even have to get dressed, it's awesome. You got us presents? Aw. You're cute. Gimme."

[ftryan]

"Hey, now, just because I didn’t show up the first four times I said I would, doesn’t mean I’m never coming back. Have a little more faith in me! And don’t worry about that — you always sound lame, but you also know how endearing I find it — and besides, I missed you too. You— Jesus, that’s a welcome if I ever heard one… you too. Have you been pining this entire time?"

[hansongames-blog]

"Nope, no more faith until you do something to prove yourself worthy. I thought you had abandoned me and little baby Kian. I know, I am lame, but I've come to terms with it. How come you didn't call? Not that this is a terrible surprise or anything, but yeah, telephones are great pieces of technology. You should try using yours sometime. I-- Oh, yeah, sorry. That was a big word, but I mean it. And of course I have... You act like I have better things to be doing all day. Anyway, how was stuff in LA?"

[ftryan]

"So it turns out that driving twenty minutes to come home is a surprisingly long way when you’re as busy as I’ve been lately."

[hansongames-blog]

"Rya-- No, okay, wait... What? I didn't think you were coming home, like, ever. Well, I did, but not like, now. But you're here and holy fucking shit, I didn't think it was possible to miss someone as much as I've missed you. I sound so damn lame right now, but fuck. I love you."

[babykian]

But I need to be better than that, Hanson! I need them to want me, not me to want them. I can’t afford college, so I need scholarships, and I need to still take care of Michael and Haley. Are you sure? I don’t want to keep you wanting something that I can’t give you… yet. And we all know that I’d bottom because I don’t think I could physically please you in that way. Of course I’m going to worry. I need to make sure you’re happy. 

I don’t need you to help, Hanson. You’re just there for me, and that’s all the help I need, you know? I just need to make sure you support me. Of course I need money, that would just be nice and convenient, but I would never expect you to help me in that way. Yeah, I don’t like talking about it— especially to you because I know you’ll like, feel bad for me. Don’t do that. I have thought about getting a job, but I have absolutely no time. With college applications, taking care of the kids and the house, being with you… I don’t have any time. I would exhaust myself. Y-You think I’m special? Wow— um, thanks, Hanson. You’re amazing, you know? I’m hard on myself because I know I can do better. I know— I know I can be better than I am, and make my life better. It’ll take a little while, but it’s doable. Thank you for sticking with me, though. Love you.

[hansongames-blog]

Kian, babe, you're gonna stress yourself to death. Honestly, colleges aren't as picky as people make them seem. Like, I got into a bunch of schools that my parents made me apply to and you have a lot more potential than I do. I mean... I don't plan on ever going to any of those schools, but still. There are so many scholarship opportunities out there and you're bound to get one if you apply. Just be confident, okay? And yes, I'm sure. You know that all I want in life is for everyone that I care about to be happy and for Pokemon to come to life, so you not being ready to have sex is not going to put me down. At all. 

I know you wouldn't ask for anything like that, but it just sucks knowing that you're in that situation and I can't do anything about it. Don't worry about spending time with me when your family is counting on you, Kian. I think a job is a little bit more important than playing video games with your boyfriend, but I get it. Of course I think you're special! You're special to me and to Ryan and to your siblings-- and you could be special to a ton of other people, but we're just the lucky ones who get to have you and see how cool you are. If you think you can be better than who you are now, then whoever you plan on becoming must be pretty fucking awesome. It's not a problem, Kian. I love you, too. 

[babykian]

Okay, maybe that was Ryan. It happened once and I wasn’t happy with sharing a sandwich. I need to stop skipping, though. I need to make it into college so I can move out of here. Oh, well, that’s good to know. I don’t want our relationship to revolve around sex, either. It’s fun, I guess. Like, what we do, but I don’t really want to anything further than what we’ve done… like, eventually? But not now. I need to explore myself first, with that… I mean. I just assume I’d bottom and I need to figure that out. I work myself up because it’s important, you know? I love you and I want to show you I love you, so I want it to be the best. It won’t be, but I’m hoping it will eventually.

You hire people to cook for you? I mean, it’s not annoying… it’s unfair, but it’s the cards we’re dealt. We’re completely different, Hanson. You’re from money and have everything you’ve ever wanted, and I have to buy things from a food bank because my own family won’t. I’m only sixteen and I have to take care of two other kids that aren’t mine. Your family might not be around a lot, but at least they’re making a difference in the world. Mine are the ones that everyone talks about who ‘ruin America’— the criminals and drug addicts. My family is made up of whores and crackheads and then I was produced. I can’t even have sex with my long-term boyfriend because I’m scared. I don’t cuss because it makes me feel gross. Can you explain that to me? Why am I like this, Hanson?

[hansongames-blog]

Kian, I doubt skipping a few classes every now and then is going to stop you from getting into college. You're intelligent and responsible and like, all of the other things that universities look into when going over applications. You'll be fine. I like what we do too, Kian, that's why I said that if we get to that point then it'd be awesome, but I'm not saying that we have to. Having sex with me isn't going to show me that you love me, because I already know that you do, and it's really not that important, alright? I have Ryan for that, anyway. Just don't worry about it, Ki. We're fine how we are and I don't want you to be uncomfortable. I just want you happy. 

Only for special occasions and stuff, but yeah... I mean, it's annoying to me, though. I don't know. I guess because I've never really had to worry about the stuff that you worry about, I kind of forget that those problems even exist. I obviously knew that your family situation wasn't the greatest, but maybe I didn't realize how bad it was? Like, you and your siblings deserve so much better and I just wish I could help you guys out. I know you don't have a lot of spare time, but have you thought about getting a job? That would probably make a huge impact, y'know? But I'm not exactly sure why you are the way you are, but I would assume that it's because the world just needed a little extra something, so you were created. You're special and awesome and I wish you wouldn't be so hard on yourself. 

[babykian]

I do enjoy going to get McDonalds with you and stuff. Only when you buy me nuggets, I don’t like when you change things and get like, chicken sandwiches. Ew. I love making out in your car, it makes me feel like… rebellious or something. I don’t know, you make me feel really good when we make out because you make me laugh and we just make it nice and not all about sex. I like that. Especially since you don’t really pressure me on that. I’m working on it, okay? But I don’t think you’d want to have sex with me because I’m small and I don’t know— you wouldn’t like it. I probably wouldn’t either. 

It won’t be annoying. It’s sweet. I’m already looking forward to it, and it hasn’t even started yet. Oh— I-I couldn’t ask you to do that. That’s too much, Hanson. I don’t know, they’re a little much. And I don’t want to bother your parents into making more food than usual. It’s okay, though. I appreciate the offer. We’ll be okay. 

[hansongames-blog]

Okay, seriously... when the fuck have I ever ordered a chicken sandwich instead of nuggets? You're definitely making that up, because it hasn't happened. I'd never break our twenty-with-piece-honey-mustard-and-barbecue tradition. Aw, you're my little rebel. Cute. Well, yeah.. I mean, I've never thought of our relationship to be just about sex. I just like being with you and having fun, so yeah. That's what we do, but don't say stuff like that. If we ever get to the point where you wanna do it, then that'd be awesome and I would like it, so shut up. You work yourself up too much.

I'm glad. What? It's not too much, at all. I swear you wouldn't be bothering anyone, Kian. My parents have people over all the time for dinner parties and they like.. hire people to cook for us, so I don't know what makes this any different. You deserve it, anyway. Like, I have all this stupid material shit that I don't need and you can't even take care of your siblings, so it's annoying and unfair. Ask them what they'd like to eat and I'll make sure we get it, okay? I don't really care if you want it or not, because it'll happen either way. 

[babykian]

Picking me up from school takes away from my education, but I guess it’s okay if you do it. I like kissing you more than I like algebra, so I guess it’s okay, isn’t it? It makes me feel like… dirty, though. Knowing I’m in your car, making out or doing something else when I should be in school is like, really hot. I’ve never been really drunk, but maybe we need to change that? I’d much rather get drunk with you than anyone else. Yeah, it’s a great show. Hanson! Stop! You know exactly what I mean. I don’t— I don’t swallow a lot of things. Like, dirty— cum. Like cum, Hanson. Shut up. 

No, nothing is wrong. You’re still awesome, I’m glad you’re happy with that, I am too. I expect them now. Don’t worry though, you’re still my number one. My grandma doesn’t really cook either, um, she kind of leaves me to do it for Michael and Haley. I don’t like it because it’s a lot, and I don’t… have money most of the time. But that’s good— speed dial, I mean. Yeah, no problem. 

[hansongames-blog]

Yes, I think it's okay, because I like kissing you more than I like sitting at home alone. Plus-- I don't do it all the time, just on the days that you tell me you aren't doing much in your classes and I want someone to eat McDonald's with. You think so? I like making out in my car, too. Gives me a reason to keep it kind of clean, because clutter causes obstacles and we don't have time for that. Well, I wasn't saying that you had to get super drunk, but if you wanted to, then you could. Obviously. Ha, aw. I knew what you meant, I'm just an asshole and wanted to hear you say it. Love you. 

Cool. And you should expect them, because I'll make it my priority to give you as many kisses as possible without being annoying, sound good? I know... I'm sorry, Ki. How about you bring them to my house for dinner sometime? You know you're welcome whenever and my parents would be more than fine with a few little guests. I just want you to be happy and healthy and same with the kids.

[babykian]

No, you do cute stuff. I like cute stuff, and cute faces, and you definitely have that. I’m like, a year and a half younger… okay, like two years, but you know, it’s not that bad. Hey, I didn’t mean it in a pervert way! Aren’t people like… into that? As a kink. Or something. But yeah, I’ll help you throw a party! We can invite all of his friends and family and stuff. It’ll be really nice and he’ll probably love it since he loves everything else we do for him. Then after the party, we can all cuddle in bed and watch reruns of America’s Next Top Model. Don’t swallow… stuff. You know what I mean. Stop trying to make me say it, because I gag! And you never warn me about it! It’s so rude. You act like I have a sixth sense to know when you’re going to finish or something. 

No, don’t feel bad! You’re awesome and I want to cuddle you constantly. I’m probably just needy. I’m really happy with you, I just want more kisses, I don’t need them. It’s just a request, nothing special. Well, okay, how about a ‘I’m taking a shower, come with me’ kiss instead? I like that option, too. A lot more than cooking for me because at least we won’t die, and can actually enjoy it. I’d die eating something you made, I’m sure. S’okay, Hanson, we’re all good at something. Comic books and being cute are the things you’re good at.

[hansongames-blog]

Aw, it's nice to hear that my face is cute. Not saying that I don't ever hear it, but I like when you say it. 'Cause you're the king of cute, so it must be legit if it's coming from you. I didn't say it was a bad thing, it's just true. I mean, I get to pick you up from school in the middle of the day if I'm feeling sick and need a cuddle. So, that's a plus. Uh... I didn't think so, but maybe? Sounds like a plan, babe. We'll have to think of some really good activities to do at said parties, because I love getting trashed and then playing games. I think it makes me less competitive. I love America's Next Top Model, holy shit. Like, when they have to walk in ten inch heels that are two sizes too small for them, on a runway covered in water, while they're getting  flower petals dropped on them... so entertaining. What? Kian, I'm honestly so confused.. What don't you swallow? 

Okay, good. I just wanted to make sure that it wasn't anything serious, because we never really have any problems between the three of us and when something comes up I get nervous. I'm happy with more kisses, though. I didn't realize I wasn't giving enough. I mean... yeah, I can't deny that. I've only tried cooking a few things in my day and I can admit that none of them were successful in the slightest. Which is one reason why I have every takeout restaurant in town on speed dial. Thanks for the reassurance though, Ki. 

[babykian]

Okay, good. You’re important to me too, Hanson. Aw, you’re getting sappy, how sweet. Stop. I’m not little. I went through puberty, okay? And a growth spurt! A child? Are you into that? Maybe we can throw one after he’s been home a few days, that way we can spend a lot of time with him. I like being between you guys, it’s nice. I guess that’s the only time I like being the baby, when you coddle me like one. S’sweet. Um, yes. But I don’t swallow… you know. That. 

What? No, of course not! I don’t want to break up with you at all. I’m just saying a few changes could be made, and I’m not as happy as before. Okay, that’s a lie— like, I was never not happy, I’m just telling you more things I’d like. That’s not a problem, is it? I-I— you can tell me some, too. Unless you’re completely happy, then I’m just rude. Okay, well, I just want more kisses. More meaningful kisses that mean more than just like… a goodbye or a hello. I want a ‘I made you something to eat, come enjoy it with me’ kiss. 

[hansongames-blog]

Okay, it's not that rare that I'm sweet to you, is it? I'm a pretty sappy guy. Sometimes. You're not little, but you're little-ish... You're younger than me, so that's part of it. I don't know-- you're just cute. Into childr-- Kian! Who the hell do you take me for? I may be into adorable little shits like you, but I'm not a pervert. Anyway, yeah, that's a good idea. He deserves a party, no matter how exciting his life might already be. Aw, I know, but we'll have our three-way cuddle back soon. I hope so, at least. Don't swallow what? Sorry, I think you've lost me. Please explain. 

No, it's not a problem, at all. I just feel kind of shitty now, 'cause you're saying all of this stuff that you aren't satisfied with and it's obviously my fault. I can't really think of much that I'd like to change, but that doesn't make you rude. I'm just happy as long as you're happy and everything. Alright, that's definitely a reasonable request. I'm not sure you want me to cook for you, though, because that might end in hospitalization, but I get it.  

[babykian]

I don’t know. Maybe you’d find someone else that would enjoy it more than I do. I like sitting with you and reading comics and stuff. But sometimes you want more, and I guess that’s okay. Hey! I’m not little. I miss him too, but we’ll just have to give him lots of fun things when he gets home. I miss being in the middle of the cuddle, ugh. Now I just have you and it’s not as warm as it used to be. I enjoy licking a lot of different stuff off your body, yeah. Except I don’t swallow. 

He’s such a special guy, and he deserves all his success, you know? He’ll come back to us. They always do. When he does, he’ll be well traveled and even more beautiful than before. Hey, speaking of being beautiful, can you kiss me more often? I like being kissed and you only do it when you want to, and I’m annoyed. Kiss me more, damn it. I’m cute and need reassurance. 

[hansongames-blog]

Nope, I could never. You're very special to me, Kian and I'd definitely rather try and please you than go looking for someone else who's into my weird interests. I like reading comics with you too and you so are little. Even if you're physically not that small, you're still little to me. Like a child, almost. Yeah, I guess we will. I'd say we could have a party to welcome him back whenever he comes home, but I'm selfish and don't want to share him with his other friends. I know, once you're used to having two people to cuddle, it's weird just having one. I'm glad you enjoy it, because I know I do. You'd swallow if it was chocolate, wouldn't you?

I know he is and I totally agree. I shouldn't be too sad about it. Are you sure you're not the one who's planning on breaking up with me, though? It doesn't seem like you're too happy with the way I've been treating you recently or something, but yes, I can definitely kiss you more if that's what you'd like. And you are cute, so I guess you deserve it.

[babykian]

It’s okay, I’m telling you now. I didn’t want to bring it up randomly because I just thought you’d break up with me or something. You just have a really hard grip, you can’t control that, I guess. I am using the R word, and guess what? It’s not a bad word to use. He’s going to come back soon, and we’ll give him lots of kisses when he comes back, right? Right. Okay, I love licking the cheese off your fingers when they do taste like cheese, so it’s okay. I enjoy licking chocolate off you more, though. Can we just have sex like a normal couple? I don’t want to have to suck your dick through holes in costumes anymore. Being naked would be better. I want to be naked with you, is that so hard? That’s not a pun, either. 

Have you heard from him? Ryan, I mean.

[hansongames-blog]

Kian, why would I break up with for telling me that you're uncomfortable? I really don't think I'm that big of a dickhead, but maybe I'm wrong. Try using your noggin a bit more, little one. Sorry, though. I'll stop with the grabbing and stuff. Right, well, who even knows when that's gonna happen? He's like... too famous for us now or something. I miss him lots, though. Aw, that's cute. I love to know that you enjoy licking various things off of my body. Keeps me confident. Oh.... okay. Yes, being naked together. I can do that. Definitely a pun, though. 

No. Well, yes. I mean.. we text sometimes and he tries to call me when he can, but obviously he's busy and stuff, so conversations usually get cut short. It sucks, but I'm like, beyond happy for him. It's worth it. 

[babykian]

Just a little bit, okay? I’m not trying to be serious, but sometimes I wake up with bruises on places I didn’t even know could be bruised. Do you know how many are on my butt? Too many. They are always cheesy, don’t fight me on that. If it’s not pizza cheese, it’s from puffs. Don’t lie to me on that, you’re a cheesy guy. Yeah, and I liked the library by myself, thanks! And no, it wasn’t you it was Ryan. We kiss and got hot chocolate, remember? I like being with you, don’t get me wrong. You’re just nerdy and weird and it gets weird. For the love of everything… Hanson. No, I’m not playing Princess Peach. Can’t we do something I want to do? What about we play ourselves and I actually get to just be myself. I’ll tie you up or something. Why can’t we be a normal couple, ugh.

[hansongames-blog]

Aw. Kian, I'm sorry. Like, if you would have told me this whenever it started bothering you, I totally would have stopped immediately. This is the type of stuff you've gotta communicate about when you're in a relationship, you know? I'll treat you like an egg from now own. A really cute egg. Yeah, alright, I guess it's usually more likely than not that my hands have some sort of cheese product on them, but it's never proven to be a problem, has it? Hey, you're using the 'R' word and he's not here. Don't do that. It's sad. Nerdy and weird? Sounds like a perfect partner if you're asking me, which you're not, but I thought we were both nerdy and weird, so this is unfair, really. Fine, no princesses, whatever. What would make you happy, sweetie? We can be normal if you'd like.

[babykian]

It’s nice quality stuff, that’s the problem. You’re rough with me, and I told you that, but you didn’t believe me. I bruise like a peach, Hanson. Stop, you know what I mean. I like being touched a lot, but not manhandled. I’m small and delicate, and I don’t do rough well. Yeah, because no one wanted to be touched by your cheesy fingers. I like it though, and I don’t know why. You’re appealing. Gross. Something new? Like, what? Am I a girl again? Hanson. 

[hansongames-blog]

I mean, you could have just said that... You're getting all serious as if I commited a crime or something. I'll be more gentle with you, babe. I was just kidding around, who gives a shit about the costume? You're a fragile little thing and I don't wanna hurt you. You know that, right? And shut the fuck up, okay? My fingers aren't always cheesy, so bye. Also, if it weren't for me, you'd still be chilling at the back of the library by yourself everyday after school. But nope, now you have me to keep you company. What-- Don't "Hanson" me. I think you'd look cute as Princess Peach! Besides, you just said you bruise like one, anyway. You'll be perfect for the part. 

[babykian]

I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to. It was your fault! You’re the one who got grabby with it, not me. Maybe you should stop getting so handsy. Of course I’m going to suck up, it’s what I do. I suck a lot on you, so why can’t I suck up to you? Please forgive me. I’ll sew it myself if I have to. 

[hansongames-blog]

Yeah, whatever. Do you think we could sue the company that we ordered them from? Like, you know... for giving us shitty quality stuff. I mean, I can be a lot less handsy if you'd like me do. I don't have to touch you, at all. I went eighteen years without physical contact and I think I'd be fine without it again. You're not forgiven yet, but don't even bother sewing it. I have something new for us planned, anyway.

[babykian]

Okay, don’t be mad, please. But I think I ripped my Zelda costume from the last time we messed around, and there’s a hole in the leg that is quite honestly not my fault. That’s all you. So, don’t get angry. Um, you’re cute? Kiss me?

[babykian]

[hansongames-blog]

Kian, what the fuck? I'm not mad, but you really need to take care of that stuff. It's important-- and don't blame it on me, okay? I didn't do anything. And don't try to suck up either. That's lame.