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"fuck the government" GIRL IM TRYING
LESSONS IN LOVE — chapter 3
LOVE ME
BROTHER’S BEST FRIEND BUCKY X F!READER (college au)
SUMMARY. Being Steve Rogers’ sister meant years of boys looking at you like a warning sign. Now that you’re in college, your lack of experience becomes a major problem. So you ask your brother’s best friend to teach you everything. What starts as lessons becomes something neither of you have a name for yet.
WORD COUNT. 12.1K WARNINGS. college au, brother’s best friend trope, MDNI, inexperienced reader, tit play, smut, virginity loss, protected pnv, talks about aftercare, miscommunication, angst. No use of Y/N. NOTES. You can imagine reader as Steve’s adopted sister, there will be no physical descriptions. Just a heads up, Reader and Bucky met when she was 8 and he was 10. And thank you @sheriff-bodecker for always handling my crashouts 😭
Main Masterlist || Series Masterlist || 1 ~ 2 ~ 3
READ ON AO3
You'd imagined it to feel at least a little weird. It doesn't. If anything, this is the most comfortable you could've felt moments before your first time having sex.
Yes, the final lesson. Probably gaslighting yourself by calling it a lesson, but then this is you.
The most alarming thing you can say about the moment is that it feels completely, devastatingly ordinary. Like you've been here a hundred times. Which you kind of have, just not like this.
Not with that small square of foil sitting on his nightstand being very loud about itself.
Bucky's talking. He's doing the responsible thing, the Bucky thing, making sure you have the information you need. And you're listening, because he's right about all of it.
Condom, doesn't matter what the guy says, non-negotiable.
Yes. You're nodding.
But he keeps saying 'the guy'. He. Some future hypothetical person standing in this exact spot who you'll have to talk to. And something about that specific word keeps catching in your chest, snagging on a part of you that you have been carefully not naming for weeks.
You'd really rather it stopped. You're not going to say anything about it. There's nothing to say. You came to him with a very specific ask and he said yes and that's the entire thing, start to finish.
You're not going to make it weird by having feelings about a pronoun.
You're not.
"Hey." His hand finds your jaw and tips your face up. Of fucking course he caught it. One moment you zone out, and get caught. His eyes move over your face with attention. You feel like being read by someone who's already a few pages ahead of you. "Talk to me."
"I'm fine."
"You just went somewhere."
"Bucky." He's starting to pull the thread until it unravels. And because you can already see it happening, you lean in and kiss him.
Because it's easier than explaining. Because you've learned by now that this is the fastest way to shut down a conversation you're not ready for.
It's a deflection. You know it's a deflection. The difference between kissing him to avoid something and kissing him because you want to is fucking massive.
Only it doesn't go the way you planned. He kisses you back in a way that feels like being held still. Whatever you were going to outrun dissolves. Something blooms in its place that you don't have a category for and don't try to make one.
When he pulls back, he looks at you. Something in his expression that he keeps mostly to himself.
Then he tips you back. Everything after that stops being about thinking.
His mouth is warm on your jaw, your collarbone, and lower. His tongue drags over your nipple and you make an embarrassing noise. He repeats it, to embarrass you further, you think. Only it's slower, sealing his mouth around it and sucking until it's aching and tight.
Equal attention is given to the other one.
By the time he starts moving lower, you've got a fist in his hair and a completely unreasonable amount of feeling in your chest for someone in the middle of an educational exercise.
Educational. Right.
His mouth presses into the soft of your stomach, the skin below your navel, making you jerk. He smiles against you, which you feel more than see. You feel it everywhere. You feel everything. His mood through the room, his attention like a physical weight, his amusement before it reaches his face. You've been feeling him for longer than you want to admit.
Without any hurry, his hands are spreading your thighs and his breath is on your inner thigh and all of that thinking goes quiet. Everything else goes quiet.
He looks up at you from between your legs, and the look on his face makes something clench in your chest that has nothing to do with what his mouth is about to do. It's want, is what it is, and it's not just the physical kind. You are not going to look at that right now because his face is between your thighs and this is not the moment.
Bucky drops his head and noses through your folds. When you make yet another embarrassing sound, he groans back.
Like you just gave him something good, and licks up through you in one long drag that has your hips lifting off the bed.
The noises he makes when he eats you out are something you are going to be thinking about for a very long time. Sounds of a man who is genuinely, thoroughly into what he's doing. Tongue working through your folds and circling your clit and sliding down to your entrance and back up. Drinking you.
You can hear how wet you are. A week ago that would have mortified you. Right now it barely registers because he makes that greedy, wanting sound every single time and presses closer, like the answer to you is more of you.
When your fist tightens in his hair he groans straight into your cunt. Vibration everywhere. Your thighs clench around his head before you can stop them.
His lips seal around your clit, sucking with with intent, and you actually cry out this time. He does it again and keeps doing it, tongue working against you while he holds the suction.
You realise your thighs are shaking on either side of his head, hips rolling into him. Holding them with his forearms, he keeps going. Like he made a decision and he's seeing it all the way through.
There's something devastating about his certainty. He always knows what he's doing. He always knows what you need before you've fully understood it yourself. That quality, which you have admired in him for years — not in this context though — is currently taking you apart.
Two fingers press inside you to curl. "Just stay with me."
You don't have much choice. The whole world has narrowed down to his mouth and his hand and the devastating combination of his tongue working your clit while his fingers find that specific spot inside you with the ease of someone who has been paying very close attention. You're gripping his hair with both hands now and making sounds that you'll think about with mild horror tomorrow. But right now tomorrow doesn't exist.
Right now there is only this, him. The tension coils tighter and tighter, everything pulling to one point, and then everything snaps.
You come with his name somewhere in your throat. He works you through every single wave of it, slower and softer as you come down, drawing it out until you're shaking and your hands in his hair have gone slack.
Pulling weakly at his hair to get him to stop doesn't seem to faze him, even then he presses a last kiss to your inner thigh before he moves.
You hear the soft tear of foil and press your face into the pillow for those few seconds because you need them. Your heart is doing something with a lot of force and nowhere particular to put it.
The specific feeling of not knowing what to do with how much you feel is not a new one. By this point, you've been managing it for the past several weeks with varying degrees of success. But it's never been this loud before. It fills up the room. It fills up the pillow. The pillowcase smells like him and that is not helping.
He settles between your thighs, but looks at you. The reading-you look. "Still with me?"
"Uh-huh. Yeah."
His hand presses flat against your lower belly, all five fingers spread across your skin. He holds it there while he lines himself up. Like he wants to feel what's about to happen from the outside too. Like that's something he wants.
You don't know what to do with that so you just feel it. You feel his palm pressing warm against you, the blunt pressure of him at your entrance, the gravity of the moment without any of it needing to be said out loud.
"Breathe," he says.
"I'm breathing."
He gives you a look. Look that says 'don't start shit now'.
You breathe.
He pushes in. Slow. So careful. The stretch of him opening you up is significant and new. You make a sound that you've never made before in your life, this broken wrecked thing. He just stops. Palm still flat on your stomach. Holding you, letting you have a second.
"You okay?"
The far end of your brain wants to laugh, a little. Because the answer is yes and also something much larger than yes, something that doesn't fit inside okay. The far end of your brain tells you that nobody would compare to him. Nobody would ask you this, nobody would be considerate of you like this.
But the part that's currently in control of your body is not the one. It's the one that breathes, "don't stop. Just — don't stop."
He searches your face. Whatever he finds there must be sufficient because he pushes in, impossibly slow, the fullness building and building until he's all the way seated. The exhale that comes out of him sounds like something leaving him, something he'd been holding for longer than just tonight.
He drops his forehead to your shoulder. His weight settles against you. You feel his heart going fast against yours, faster than his breathing would suggest.
His heart going fast. His heart going fast because of you.
There's something warm at the corner of your eyes at this information. Completely uninvited there are tears you didn't anticipate. You blink hard at the ceiling trying to sort yourself out. Before he notices.
But Bucky lifts his head and goes completely still.
"Did I hurt you?" His voice has changed. Softer, lower, stripped of the easy composure.
"No."
"Tell me the truth —"
"You didn't." Your hand goes to his face. Cups his jaw, and he stops talking. His eyes find yours and they search, careful and very blue and intent. "I promise. They're good tears. I'm okay."
For what, you can't say. You're not going to say. His palm has been on your stomach this entire time, and he stopped the moment he heard something in your voice. Right now, he's looking at you like your answer is the only thing in the room that matters. Like he would wait all night for it.
You've spent the last however many weeks telling yourself this is a practical arrangement. A smart, useful, sensible arrangement that you came up with yourself and that made complete sense at the time. Clean and contained.
Somewhere in the middle of all of it you stopped believing that. You can't remember exactly when. The crying is just your body being honest in a way you haven't been letting yourself be.
You don't say any of that.
"Good tears," you manage. "Really."
He holds your gaze for a long moment. Long enough that you think he might push it, might ask the actual question underneath the one you answered. The real question — what are you crying about?
If he asked it, you genuinely don't know what you'd say. Something true, probably. Something that couldn't be forgotten.
But he doesn't. He leans down to kiss you instead and starts to move.
Long, slow drag, his cock pulling back until just the head remains, then pushing home again just as slowly.
The fullness of it, the completeness of it. You don't think there's a word for it. His hand stays flat on your stomach and you feel him through it, feel the movement from the outside and the inside simultaneously, feel your own body accommodate him. It is an almost absurd amount of sensation. Not just physical. All of it, all at once, too much to sort through while it's happening.
He mouths at your throat, comes back to your lips. The kissing gets less careful the longer he moves, goes softer and messier and more real. You feel the difference between careful-Bucky and less-careful-Bucky.
Less-careful-Bucky is catastrophic.
You have thought, a lot, over the past weeks, about what it means to be careful with someone. He's been careful with you from the start. Patient. Never rushing, never making you feel like you owed him anything, never letting the patience have a price. And you categorised that under 'he's a good person'. You categorised everything under 'he's a good person'. What you didn't think about was why he is specifically like this with you.
But he's less careful now, and that is also him being specifically like this with you, and you are going to need to deal with that later.
His hips find a rhythm. The drag of him hits somewhere deep and your cunt clenches in response and the sound you make into his mouth is not measured. His breath catches, a short, almost surprised sound. His grip on your hip tightens a fraction, like he didn't expect that. Like your body surprised him. The thought that you could surprise him, that there are things about you he's still discovering, makes you feel warm inside.
"More." You didn't plan to say it out loud. It just comes out.
His eyes, which were focused on the place you two were joined, leave it reluctantly to look at your face. The longest he's ever taken to look at you. There's a question in them.
"Harder. Please."
At that, his hand tightens on your hip and he gives you what you asked for.
Your breath punches out. Wherever your hands land, you grab. His shoulders, the plane of his back. His cock drives through your slick with this obscene, wet sound you've never heard before and the drag of it hits that deep spot with every stroke and your brain is nowhere useful, it's just gone. There's nothing here but sensation and Bucky and the specific sound of his breathing coming apart.
He's making sounds now. Barely contained. Hearing him like that is almost as good as the rest of it combined. Maybe better. You've been collecting his composure slipping in pieces for weeks and this is all of it at once. He's not controlling it anymore, he's just in it, with you.
His thumb finds your clit without warning. "Look at me."
You whimper into his ear. He makes a sound low in his chest like you just handed him something he badly needed.
His lips find your forehead. There's this soft, unbearably tender kiss that has absolutely no business existing alongside everything else he's doing to you. His voice goes rough. "Cum for me."
You cum for him. His eyes are almost black and he's looking at you like you're the most precious thing in the room. Thing is he's not doing anything to hide it. That is what that tips you. His thumb and his cock would be contributing factors, sure. But the way he's looking is more than anything physical ever could be.
"Bucky—"
"I've got you." Against your mouth.
Your walls clench tight around him, as he buries himself and stills. You feel him throb inside you while you're still shaking.
There's nothing else except the two of you, and this fragile thing that could end any moment.
His weight on you is the heaviest you've ever carried. Nothing physical in this too. You think the weight of it comes from knowing this could be the last. The thought evaporates when his lips nip at your throat.
You hold him. Both arms. You don't decide to do it, your arms just do it. Your hands press into his back and hold, like you could keep him here, like you could make this not end.
He lets you.
For a moment that goes on longer than a moment, everything stills. His breath is warm on your skin. You feel his heartbeat starting to slow under your hands. Something fragile exists in this room and you are aware of it.
You don't think about that. You think about his heartbeat instead. You think about the fact that his breathing is still a little uneven, and that you did that. That you are the reason his breathing is uneven.
You have spent a significant amount of time over the past weeks thinking about how you were learning things. Processing experiences in the tidy way of someone taking notes. The date on the beach — lesson. The kissing — lesson. All of it, catalogued and labelled and filed away under something that felt safe.
And somewhere it stopped being safe and you kept going anyway.
You can feel him tense, not wanting to pull out. You want to clutch at him, tell him that you don't want that either. What you want is what you have.
But you don't say that.
He pulls out.
It is so careful, tears threaten to spill out. You close your eyes, you will not let him see that.
The absence of him is physical in a way you weren't prepared for, a hollow feeling that has nothing to do with the physical and everything to do with something you still haven't put a name to. It claws at your chest. It is like giving away something that's been yours all along. Takes everything in you to not reach out, not grab him, not push your face into his neck.
You don't do that. He walks away.
Faint sounds of him running the tap.
He comes back with a cloth, warm from the tap, the right kind of warm. Like he stood there testing the temperature until it felt exactly right.
Sitting beside you, he's close enough that his thigh brushes yours. His other hand rests on your knee the whole time, thumb stroking slow little circles.
"How’re you feeling?" His voice is rough from everything you just did to each other. You mumble a little 'fine’ and he huffs a soft laugh.
The cloth drags gently over your inner thighs first, wiping away the slick. Then he folds it and presses it right against you, the tender skin around your entrance, from the crease where your thigh meets everything that’s still throbbing and sensitive.
What you're doing is something entirely different. You stare at the wall and blink and think about literally anything else.
You physically cannot bring yourself think about anything else.
You think about how nobody has ever done this. Not because the chance hasn't come up. Obviously the chance hasn't come up, that's entirely the point of the last few weeks.
But even imagining it, you wouldn't have imagined this. Someone sitting beside you after and just quietly, without being asked, taking care of you like it is simply what you do for a person. Like not doing it would be the strange thing.
There's not going to be another person like him. That's the thought you've been keeping in a box with the lid pressed firmly down. It's out now.
He takes his time, folding the cloth again when it gets too wet, going back over every inch like this is the most important thing in the world right now.
You feel yourself twitch under the warmth of it and he murmurs, "Easy… I’ve got you," like he can read every tiny reaction your body makes.
"So I take care of you every time we do something, right?" He's still focused on wiping you clean. "That’s called aftercare."
"That’s — that’s a thing?"
He huffs a soft laugh that’s mostly breath, eyes still on what he’s doing between your legs. "Sorry. I forgot to tell you." The words come out so easy, like it never even occurred to him that this part needed explaining. Like he’s been doing it on instinct every single time and didn’t stop to think it was something he had to teach you.
The realization settles warm and a little devastating in your chest. He didn’t see this as a lesson. It was just second nature to him. Taking care of you like this was never part of the curriculum. It was just Bucky.
He keeps talking, voice never rising above that low murmur. "After sex, after something this intense, your body goes through a lot. Sometimes you feel strange or sad or cold for no reason. Sometimes you cry, like you did earlier. It’s normal. Just your system coming down. Needs a little tending." He folds the cloth one last time and presses it gently over you, letting the warmth soak in.
"So what do you do for it?"
"Water first, always. Warmth. Touch. Doesn’t have to be anything fancy. Main thing is you don’t disappear on each other. You stay. The other person needs to know you’re still right here."
He sets the cloth aside but doesn’t move away. His hand stays on your knee, thumb still moving in those slow circles.
He's still there. He's stayed. He's taken care of you.
He's taken care of you every time. Every single time, without fail, without exception. And you have done none of it in return. You never thought to ask what he needed. You never thought to stay and take care of him the way he's taken care of you.
"What do you need?" When he holds your gaze, you continue, "For aftercare. What do you actually need?"
The question surprised him, you can see that. He's been very thoroughly in the mode of what you need and coming at it from this direction might be unfamiliar ground. It requires him to be on the receiving end, he doesn't live there.
There's a small internal thing happening that you can see clearly and he probably thinks you can't.
"I like to cuddle." Without any of the careful composure he sometimes wraps around the things.
Not even a second is needed for you to process this, you open your arms.
He looks at them. One beat. One second of stillness that you read as surprise, or something softer than surprise, something that looks a lot like being moved. Then he comes down. Head to your chest, arm across your stomach. Your chin finds the top of his head.
The long breath he lets out when he settles. Something goes out with it. You feel it in his shoulders, the way they drop, the way his hand on your stomach stops holding anything and just rests.
Your hand moves up his back in slow passes. His hair is soft under your jaw. He's very warm, almost too warm. It makes you want to stay put indefinitely. His heartbeat under your palm is steady and slowing.
His hand finds yours after a while. Folds your fingers into his.
The thing you've been struggling with is still there. It's been there longer than tonight. You've been careful about it, genuinely careful, because you're not an idiot and you knew what you were walking into and you were going to be sensible about the whole thing.
You were so sensible. Right up until you weren't.
Twenty years old and, in the notable absence of any prior romantic experience, you went and fell for the one person you specifically arranged things with in order to avoid exactly this. The irony is not lost on you. Steve would absolutely never let you hear the end of it. Steve cannot ever find out about any of this.
You press your lips to the top of his head. Barely a thing, just for a second, because the feeling needs somewhere to go and this is the least damaging option available.
He makes a soft sound and pulls you fractionally closer, arm tightening across your stomach. Reflex, probably. Something that happened without him deciding to do it.
There's always a moment with Bucky, when he's coming out of sleep, where his face does something unguarded. Where all the easy competence he walks around with during the day hasn't quite loaded yet. He's just a person, blinking at the room, figuring out where he is.
You've seen it a handful of times now and every single time it does something to you that you'd rather it didn't.
He looks at you.
"Morning."
"Morning." His voice is rough with sleep, different from his regular voice. Softer. You've thought about this voice, oftentimes than you'd like to admit. "How'd you sleep?"
"Fine. Good." Both true. You slept better than you have in weeks, actually, which is information you're keeping to yourself. "You?"
"Yeah." He scrubs a hand over his face. "How're you feelin'? You sore?"
He's been awake for approximately twelve seconds and that's what surfaces first.
He thought of that before anything else. Before his brain had fully loaded. You didn't think of it first. Your first thought this morning was not about whether your body was still feeling last night. You're not sure what your first thought was. Something less generous to yourself. But his was this.
"A little bit," you say.
The corners of his mouth pull down. The softest frown, private, the kind you only see on someone who doesn't know they're being watched. "I'm sorry, baby." Quiet. The soft version of his voice, the one he doesn't use for everything, just for when he means it.
"Bucky, it's fine—"
"I am sorry."
"You were—" careful, you want to say. You were so careful, and patient, and you went so slow that it almost felt like being taken apart by someone who actually gave a damn whether you were still in one piece after. You also want to say his hand on your stomach was the best and worst thing that has ever happened to you simultaneously. But you say, "you didn't do anything wrong. First time is just — first time. It's a body thing."
"I know what it is."
"Then stop doing that with your face."
"I'm not doing anything."
"You're —"
He looks at you sideways. The face is still happening. You reach over and push at his jaw with two fingers, gently, like you're trying to manually rearrange the expression. Catching your hand, he presses his lips to it. For one second, just held there against your palm. Nothing about it is incidental.
"I'm fine. Really." You might be fine from the soreness, but you sure aren't fine from that gentle press of lips.
His thumb moves over your knuckles, and you let him. You feel that thing in your chest that you decided not to think about until you got home, doing its thing anyway without your permission.
"Guess I'll have to deal with Jenna's scrunchie situation again." You don't entirely mean to say it. It just sort of comes out, like your mouth was filling the silence while your brain was doing something else. You hear it the second it drops and you hear exactly how it sounds and you cannot take it back.
"What do you mean?" His body goes still beside you.
Here you are. Standing at the edge of something, the words already out there, sitting between you both. You can see exactly where they came from. Probably from the feeling you've been carrying since the beach, maybe earlier, maybe much earlier, looking for any door that might lead somewhere without you having to walk through it directly. Poorly disguised as a casual observation. Even you are not entirely sure what you were hoping for when you said it. Something. Anything. Some signal.
You're not brave enough to say it plainly. But you're past pretending it wasn't anything.
"I mean— I mean you've kind of — taught me everything." A small, careful shrug. Casual. Like it's just an observation, like your heart isn't doing something extremely loud. "So."
You look at him.
He looks back at you and for a second — one second — there's something in his face that you can't read. Something that moves across it fast, like a thing he almost lets out but doesn't. And then he gets it under control, or puts something back in place, or whatever the thing is that he does when he decides to be Bucky-who-is-very-calm about something.
He looks unaffected.
It stings so badly you feel it in your stomach.
"So I should be able to, like. Date. Go out there. All of that." Your voice comes out completely fine, which is impressive because nothing inside you is fine. "That's the whole point, right? We're obviously done with lessons."
Something about saying it out loud — lessons — makes you feel sick. Like the word is a trap you built yourself and walked into with your eyes open. You handed him the word and he used it and now you have to live inside it.
He opens his mouth. You wait. You are waiting very hard, in a way that probably shows, in a way that you'll be embarrassed about later, but you wait. You wait with everything you have.
"Yeah." One syllable. Like it's the most uncomplicated answer in the world.
All the air leaves your body at once.
You stare at the wall where there's a photo of him and Steve. You look at it very carefully because it's better than looking at him.
Yeah.
Yeah, obviously, yes. That was the point, that was always the point. You came to him with a specific ask and he fulfilled it. Now you've asked if you're done and he said yeah. That's the appropriate answer, that's the correct answer, that's the answer you should've been hoping for. You knew this. You went in knowing this.
Your heart doesn't agree. Your heart is being extremely unhelpful.
The warmth of his skin where it's touching yours is suddenly too much. Last night you would have stayed here indefinitely. Now the room is too small and he's too close and that word is sitting in the air between you and you need to leave. You need to be somewhere that isn't next to him while you figure out what to do with the fact that you've been an idiot.
You sit up. The sheet catches and drops. Half a second where you're just there, bare in the grey light, all of you in front of him.
You grab for the sheet. Too late, but you grab it and pull it up to your chest with a speed that you'll be mortified about later, like something happened in between last night and this morning, like there's a rule about daylight that nobody told you but you feel it anyway. He saw everything last night, has seen everything multiple times over. He was inside you less than six hours ago. Yet you still you grab for it like it matters. Your body making its own decisions about vulnerability without consulting you.
He doesn't look at you the way you expected. He looks at your face — once, just your face — and then looks away. His jaw does something. Like he started to say a thing and decided against it. Like he weighed it and found the moment wasn't right or the words weren't ready or some other reason he is keeping to himself, because that's Bucky, he holds things until he's sure about them. You don't see what his face does after that because you're looking at your hands.
Bucky pushes back the covers on his side and swings his legs off the bed. You realise after a second that he's giving you space. Going to the bathroom so you can get dressed without feeling looked at.
A small courtesy, a Bucky courtesy, and it makes something in your chest ache so badly you want to laugh at yourself.
You hear the bathroom door.
You move fast. Faster than you probably look cool doing, but he's not watching so it doesn't matter. Underwear, jeans, your shirt from yesterday, shoes. Phone off the nightstand. One look around the room for anything else that's yours.
There's a moment where you think about waiting for him to come back out, where you think about the conversation you could maybe have, where you think about the look on his face before he got it under control and what might have been on the other side of it.
But you walk away.
Out the front door and down the steps and out onto the path. The morning is bright and completely indifferent to the fact that you just made a very cowardly exit from the apartment of a man who is not your boyfriend and never will be.
The walk back to your dorm takes ten minutes.
It feels both longer and shorter than that. You're fine.
You're going to be fine.
This was always going to be the ending of this particular thing, and you knew that, and you were always going to have to walk home the next morning and feel however you feel about it, and now you're doing that, so. Progress.
When you get back, Jenna is asleep and the room is dim. You sit down on the edge of your bed and look at the photo on your nightstand. It's the same one on his wall. Steve and Bucky.
Two days.
Two days of checking your phone and then putting it face down and then picking it up again, like something might have changed in the eleven seconds since you last looked.
Two days of Jenna asking if you're okay and you saying 'yeah just tired', which is technically true, you are tired, you're tired in a way that has nothing to do with sleep.
You sit at your desk and open your book and read the same paragraph four times without absorbing a single word of it. You have no idea what it says. You close the book. You open it again. You close it again. You put it on the floor so it stops looking at you.
Jenna makes you a cup of tea on the morning of day one. You say thanks, and she sets it on your nightstand, and it goes cold while you stare at the ceiling. She doesn't push it. She's perceptive in that quiet specific way and she knows when to leave someone alone.
On the afternoon of day one you get up and go for a walk because lying still is making you feel sorry for yourself in a way that's becoming circular. The campus is busy in the end-of-classes way. People in groups, the noise of uncomplicated days. You walk until your feet hurt and then you go back and lie down again.
On the morning of day two you pick up your phone, look at his name in your contacts, and put it face down. You are not going to be that person. You went in knowing how this ended, you made a decision, and you are going to get through the next few days without doing anything embarrassing.
The plan does not account for the fact that you still have his hoodie in your bag because you left in such a hurry that you forgot to give it back. You have put it at the bottom of the bag. You are not thinking about it.
But this situation in itself is embarrassing. And there's nobody you can tell about it. Which makes it worse. Because at least if you could tell someone you could be embarrassed out loud and get it over with.
Instead you're just sitting here being embarrassed at yourself in private, which is somehow the worst version.
The thing is, it was always going to end like this. You wanted lessons, he provided lessons, lessons concluded. That's not a tragedy, that's just a transaction completing.
So the part you can't figure out is at what point your brain decided to stop treating it like that.
Because something went wrong in the gap between what you told yourself this was and what it actually became.
And you can trace it. If you're honest with yourself — which you haven't been — you can trace it all the way back to a parking lot and a bunch of hydrangeas in one hand.
It was a lesson, you reminded yourself at the time. You just didn't file it properly. You put it somewhere mislabeled and kept going.
That's your own fault. That's entirely your fault and you know it. You can't even be angry at him about it because he didn't do anything.
He did exactly what you asked. He was kind and patient and thorough and he told you the truth at every step.
Never once — not once — did he say anything that suggested this was anything other than what you agreed it was.
If anything, he was more careful than he had to be. He gave you just pleasure an innumerable number of times before he let things go any further. He was careful with you. He was so careful with you.
And the fact that he was careful with you is part of the problem. Because it made it very easy to forget that being careful with someone isn't the same as wanting them.
There will not be another person like him.
That's the real damage. You went in with no experience and he's what you got, and now you have a reference point. Now you know what it feels like to be with someone who puts you first without making a thing of it. Who would rather wait another week than rush you through something. Who puts his mouth on you for your benefit, not as a warm-up for something else.
You remember every single time. The tent in his sweats, the controlled breathing, the way he always made sure you finished before he even came close to thinking about himself. You filed it away under 'body being body', under 'he's experienced he can handle it'.
You did not let yourself think about what it meant that he lay next to you hard enough to be uncomfortable and not doing a single thing about it except holding you.
Body being body needs relief. That's just biology. He could have asked. You would have. Obviously, eagerly. Hell, he didn't even have to ask.
But he didn't.
He never once made you feel like you owed him anything, like the patience had a price, like the patience was even something he was exercising rather than just something he had.
There's not going to be another person like that.
The sad little story goes like this : She wanted experience, she got it, and somehow managed to ruin herself for everyone who comes after.
Congratulations. Growth.
You walked in wanting a lesson and fell in love with the teacher. Which is the most clichéd possible version of this story, by the way. You'd hate yourself for it if you had the energy.
Tired of sitting still, you decide you'll go see Steve.
He's been texting all month asking if you've settled in and you've been saying 'yeah, great, so busy', which is the oldest deflection in your sibling playbook. He buys it every single time because Steve is earnest and takes people at their word. You could use some of that energy right now.
The bus gives you an hour. An hour of towns sliding past the window and music you're not actually listening to. Your brain is doing a thing, where it is turning the whole situation over and over like it's looking for an angle that makes you look less stupid.
It hasn't found one yet. You're starting to think it's not going to.
Here's the thing you've been trying not to look at.
You've always liked Bucky.
The whole tape, you're running it back now. He's there earlier than you want him to be. Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, Steve bringing him over and you finding reasons to be downstairs.
Bucky was older and loud and took up all the air in whatever room he walked into. You told yourself you found that annoying. You did find it annoying. You were also ready in ten minutes every time Steve said he was coming over. Which is not the behaviour of someone who finds a person annoying.
You were seventeen when you saw him talking to a cheerleader at one of Steve's games. Long legs, laughing at something he said. And you felt something. Something you classified as 'general bad mood' and immediately forgot about. You were in a bad mood that whole week. Funny, that.
Because here's the thing about Steve always bringing Bucky. Here's the thing about all those years of hanging around whenever he came over. You told yourself you were just being sociable. You liked having people around. You liked Bucky's stupid arguments about films and the way he laughed when something caught him off guard. You liked him the way you like someone who's been around since you were small enough that they're just part of the furniture.
Except the furniture doesn't make you feel like hell when it talks to a cheerleader. The furniture doesn't talk to a cheerleader.
You put your headphones in and stare at the window.
The boys you didn't date in high school. You've spent years blaming Steve for that. Watchful eyes and warning looks. And Steve was a factor, you're not letting him off the hook entirely. But you're on this bus right now and you're turning the question over properly for the first time and you're wondering : Was it Steve?
Or was it that none of them were Bucky?
Was it that you'd had Bucky as some kind of baseline since you were fourteen, all that warmth and sharpness and the way he actually listened and remembered things. And every boy your age just felt thin by comparison? Was it that you set an impossible standard completely by accident and then spent years confused about why nobody was clearing it?
Your stomach turns over.
And then, because your brain apparently hasn't finished being cruel to you today, it offers up the next one.
College. New place. Clean slate. Steve an hour away. Finally, finally some room to breathe, finally a chance to figure all of this out without his shadow in the frame.
And you came here and knocked on Bucky's door inside of a week.
You went to Bucky.
You told yourself you wanted experience. Told yourself you were being practical, that you picked him because you trusted him and he was close and you'd known him forever and it just made sense.
All of that was true. But you could've done any number of things. Downloaded an app. Gone to a party. Done literally anything that normal people do when they want to figure this out.
You went to Bucky.
You wanted Bucky.
If you're being fully and completely honest with yourself, you've always wanted Bucky. And your brain built a whole reasonable-sounding explanation for why going to him was the logical choice. You'd bought it completely, and walked into his apartment and asked him to teach you to kiss and told yourself it was educational.
You are so stupid.
You are so fucking stupid.
The bus pulls into the stop and you get off. You've made a decision on the way here. You're going to tell Steve. Not everything. Obviously not everything, there are details that you should be taking to your grave. But something.
You've been carrying this alone for two days and it's pressing against your ribs. You need to put it down somewhere, even briefly, even partially. And Steve is your brother and he loves you and he'll know what to say or he won't and you'll feel better anyway because he's Steve.
Third floor. You know this building. Your feet know this building.
You knock.
The door opens.
Bucky's standing there with a mug in his hand and his hair doing the morning thing and a grey shirt that's seen better decades. And he looks at you.
The floor drops out from under your stomach so fast you actually put one hand on the doorframe.
The universe has a genuinely terrible sense of humour.
Steve's voice carries through the apartment before Bucky's even finished stepping back from the door.
"Is that — oh my god!"
You hear the genuine delight in it when he calls your name.
Bucky is not looking at you, and that's the first thing you notice. Not your brother.
"This is literally the best day of my life," Steve says, from the couch, with the energy of a golden retriever who just saw two of his favourite people walk side by side.
He looks between you and Bucky and back, radiating a happiness that is completely disproportionate to what is actually happening in this room.
"Hi, Steve." You sit in the armchair. The armchair is good. The armchair is far away from the kitchen — where Bucky currently is — and gives you a clear sightline to the door if you need to leave quickly.
"You look terrible." Steve tells you, which is his version of concern.
"Thanks."
"No, I mean — are you sleeping?"
"I'm fine."
"You look—"
"Steve." You give him the look. He subsides. He's known you long enough to know when the look means drop it. To his credit he usually does.
Bucky comes back from the kitchen with a glass of water and sits at the other end of the couch from Steve.
He hasn't looked at you once. He looks at Steve, at the coffee table, at some middle distance that isn't your face. You, on the other hand, look at your own hands. And Steve looks between the two of you with an expression you can't quite read from this angle and choose not to try.
There are two people in this room actively not acknowledging something, and the third is Steve. Who is either genuinely oblivious or performing oblivion with professional precision. With Steve it's sometimes impossible to tell which.
He talks. He tells you about the internship, something about a project that went sideways and then un-sideways. You listen and nod and make the right noises and in your peripheral vision Bucky sits at the other end of the couch with his elbows on his knees and his eyes somewhere that isn't you.
This is fine. This is completely fine. You've been in rooms with Bucky before. You've sat on this couch with him three feet away, you've watched bad television next to him for hours. You know how to be in a room with Bucky Barnes.
You just haven't done it … since you-know-what.
Steve somehow doesn't notice what's happening here.
You've always marvelled a little at Steve's skill for that. For being so thoroughly good that he just assumes everyone around him is also okay, that the world is basically fine, that people he loves are probably not sitting six feet apart doing an extremely committed impression of strangers.
"Hey," he says suddenly. The way he sounds when something's occurred to him. "Buck, who's this girl Sam keeps going on about?"
Your hand goes very still.
Bucky glances up. "What girl?"
"The one you've been hanging out with? Sam said something about it."
"Sam needs to mind his own business."
"So there is a girl."
"There's not a—" Bucky stops himself. "It's nothing. It was nothing."
"Sam said you were sneaking around."
"I was not sneaking around."
"Said you're being weird, Buck."
"I'm not weird, I'm just—" His jaw works to spit out the rest of the sentence. "It's nothing. Drop it, Steve."
Steve, with the particular stubbornness of a man who has known Bucky Barnes his entire life and has never once successfully dropped anything, looks at him for a long moment and then does something shocking. He drops it.
He turns to you instead. "What about you? How's things? You seem off."
Your brain is doing several things at once right now. It is attempting to formulate an answer for Steve. It is also replaying the last thirty seconds on a loop — was nothing, it was nothing — and trying to figure out what nothing means and who nothing was. And whether the timing of it lines up with anything.
Nothing. He said it in the voice of someone saying something they don't mean, the voice of someone getting the word out because it needs to be said and not because it's true. You know his voice. You have been listening to his voice since you were eight years old and there are versions of it you know as well as your own. That was not his honest voice. That was his covering voice. You know the difference.
"I'm fine," you come back from your head to tell Steve.
"You keep saying that."
"Because I am."
Steve gives you the look that is his version of your look, which you've been on the receiving end of since you were approximately six years old and it has never once stopped working. "Something happen?"
"No."
"You sure?"
"Steve, I'm—"
"She said she's fine," Bucky says, from the other end of the couch. Like he's doing you a favour, giving you the exit.
You look at him.
He looks at you.
It's the first time he's looked at you properly since you walked in, and it lasts about two seconds, and then he looks away again.
But two seconds is enough. Two seconds is more than enough because you've gotten very good at reading Bucky's face over the past few months and what you just saw on it was in fact, not nothing.
Unaware, yet again, Steve starts talking. "Hey, you know Jenna's boyfriend? The one from your dorm?"
Something about the subject change is so random that you answer without thinking. "Yeah, the one who kicks me out of my own room every other night."
"Right." Steve nods. "He works part-time in my building, actually."
"How does he even have time for work anyway?" Bucky quips, and you want to throw a throw pillow at him.
You don't.
"Saw him in the lift the other day," oblivious-Steve continues.
"Small world."
"Yeah." He pauses. "He was saying he hasn't been able to visit Jenna for two days because her roommate's been in the room the whole time. Moping, apparently."
Your mouth goes dry.
"Wouldn't leave. Just lying there all day." Another pause. Steve is looking at absolutely nothing in particular, which is how you know he's being very intentional. "Funny, right?"
Your jaw is doing something. You're fairly sure Bucky has gone completely still on the other end of the couch.
"Steve—"
"I know," Steve says.
Two words. The calm of someone who has been sitting on this information for a while and chose this exact moment to put it on the table.
The silence that follows is genuinely one of the more extraordinary silences you've ever sat in.
"How long?" Bucky asks because you currently cannot bring yourself to speak.
"Buck, I've known you since we were eight." Steve looks at him with a fondness that is also, honestly, a little smug. "You think I couldn't tell?" He looks at you. "And you're my sister. You really thought I don't notice?"
You think about every time you found a reason to be downstairs when Bucky came over and told yourself it was nothing. You think about Steve, who notices everything and says nothing, who has apparently been sitting on all of this like a very patient man waiting for everyone else to catch up.
"You didn't say anything," you say.
"Wasn't mine to say." He stands up. The smug falls away and what's underneath is just Steve, your brother, Bucky's best friend, who loves you both and has clearly been quietly hoping about this for longer than you knew. He puts one hand on your shoulder and one on Bucky's.
"Talk it out."
He picks up his jacket, his keys, and he leaves.
The door clicks shut.
You and Bucky sit in the wreckage of that. Both still sitting in the positions you were in when he stood up, like neither of you quite knows how to be the one who moves first.
You become aware, slowly, that you are gripping the arm of the armchair.
Bucky shifts on the couch. "You know, you should be out there dating." He says it like he's picking up something he set down earlier, like it's a thought he's been turning over. "Isn't that what all of this was for? Why are you moping around your dorm room?"
And there it is. The tone. The slightly pointed tone that you know as well as you know your own name, that you've been on the receiving end of since you were old enough to give it back.
You take the bait. You always take the bait with him, that's the whole problem, that's been the whole problem since you were fourteen years old and you didn't know it. Now you know, and do it anyway. "Go back to your girl."
"What?"
"Go back to your girl." You parrot.
Confusion paints his face. "What girl?"
"The one Sam told Steve about. The one you've been seeing this whole time —" You want to complete the sentence by saying 'behind my back', but even you know that you don't have any rights for that.
"Jesus." He drags a hand through his hair like he can't quite believe what's coming out of your mouth. "Can you not?"
Fury comes from somewhere specific, somewhere you'd been keeping a lid on, and it tastes a lot like hurt. "Seriously, Buck. Go back to your girl."
"Why —" He looks pained as he runs his hand through his hair again. "Why can't you just fucking understand?"
"Understand what?"
"You're the girl." His voice isn't by any means muffled, but it still reaches your ear warbled.
"What?"
"You." He looks right in your eyes for the first time since you walked in. "Are. The. Girl."
The thing that happens to your chest is immediate and enormous and you don't do anything with it yet because you're still processing the words. You. Are. The girl. The one Sam mentioned. The one Bucky's been sneaking around with. The one who he'd said was nothing, but there was something.
"I don't—" You shake your head. "What does that even mean? We were just — I just asked you for help. I asked you to teach me —"
"Can we stop?" He says that like someone who has run out of patience for the performance of it. "Can we just stop doing this?"
"Doing what, I'm not doing anything —"
"You're doing everything! You did everything! You ran out on me." His elbows come to his knees as he leans forward, pinning you under his gaze. "I came out of the bathroom and you were gone. Your shoes were gone, your phone was gone, you were just… gone. Why?"
"Because you said I was ready to date." You cross your arms in front of you. "Why do you care if I left?"
"Because it was the morning after the best night of my life." He says it like he'd rather not be saying it but he's saying it anyway. "I was already sitting there feeling like shit because you were sore, and then you came out with —" his voice shifts, doing something that is a deeply unflattering impression of you, "I guess I have to go deal with Jenna's scrunchie situation again."
"Don't do the voice."
"You said it like you couldn't wait to leave."
"I said it because I wanted you to say something!" The words come out louder than you meant. You correct yourself, lower your voice. "I was testing the waters. I wanted to see if you'd—"
"And then," he keeps going like he needs to finish, "you asked me point blank if you were ready to go out there and date other people." He looks at you like he still can't quite believe it. "What was I supposed to say?"
"Something other than 'yeah' maybe?" The yeah is intentionally higher in octave, mocking him.
He doesn't take the bait like you. "What would you have had me say?"
"I don't know, something! Anything! You could have — I don't know, pushed back, said wait, said—"
"You covered yourself."
That stops you. "What?"
"The sheet." His voice is quieter now, different. "You sat up and you grabbed the sheet and you pulled it over yourself. And I've — we'd just — I've seen you. All of you. Every single part of you, and you looked at me like you needed to hide, and I thought—" He stops to catch his breath, voice dropping lower. "I thought you'd already decided something and I wasn't going to be the guy who makes that weird."
The memory of it is very specific. The grey morning light. The sheet slipping. The way you grabbed it like you didn't want to be seen.
"I covered myself because you said it was fine for me to date." You bring up technicalities even though he probably knew it himself. Like talking about the timeline of it all could shift the blame. "Not before. You asked me to date other people and I felt about this big— " you bring your pointer finger and your thumb together to specify that you felt so small. The gesture softens something in his eyes, in him. "— and I didn't know what to do with my hands so I grabbed the sheet. That's the only reason."
When he opens his mouth, you continue. "You looked completely fine about it. You were just… fine. Like it was the obvious answer. And I thought 'okay, that's it then, that's where we actually are', I left because I didn't know what else to do."
"I looked fine because you asked me like it was a real question." His voice has lost the edge now, the flatness of it gone. "Like you'd made up your mind already and were checking in. What was I supposed to do — tell you 'no, don't go date anyone, stay here'?"
"Yes! That's what I wanted you to say."
He looks at you like he cannot quite believe the audacity.
"I wanted you to say no." You're past the point of dressing it up. "I wanted you to say you didn't want me going out there with someone else. I wanted you to ask me to stay instead. I didn't know how to just ask for that so I asked a question I thought might get there eventually, and it didn't."
Bucky is quiet for a moment, where he sighs like he has to deal with this shit. "That is the most complicated route you could have possibly taken."
"I —"
"You could have just said—"
"Could I have?" You look at him straight. "You had the same information I had. You knew how the morning was going. You could've said something before I even asked the question. You could've said it the night before. You could've said it any of the other times we were sitting in your apartment" You watch him clench and unclench his jaw. "But you didn't. So we're the same amount of stupid and I think we have to just accept that."
"You know, you really wanted them to be lessons."
"Bucky."
"The beach —"
"James Buchanan Barnes."
"Okay," he says. "Okay, fine. We're the same amount of stupid."
"Thank you."
"It's not a compliment."
"Right."
He leans back against the couch. You sit in the armchair. The gap between you is exactly the same as it's been all afternoon and somehow it feels different now.
"Why were you moping?" This time it's not pointed, it's just a question.
You look at your hands. At the armchair arm. At the bookshelf full of Steve's books on the wall behind Bucky's head.
"Because I've always liked you." It's easier when you're not looking at him. "I think I've liked you for a long time. Way longer than I realised." You inhale and exhale once. "I always wanted to hang out with Steve because you were there. I think that's been true for years and I just didn't look at it directly." You do look at him then, because it feels cowardly not to. "And I think when I came to you about all of this — about the lessons, about teaching me — I think I came to you because it was you. Not because I needed teaching. I did need, that's besides the point, but I could've done a million other things, but I came to you — I think I just wanted an excuse to —" You stop because that was long and you need a breath. You need a breath because what you're about to say might be the truest thing you've ever said. "It was always you, Buck. I think it's been you for a long time." And, you try to deflect with sarcasm, true to self. "Possibly since you used to steal my Halloween candy when I was eight. I'd like to have some words about that, actually, but probably not right now."
Bucky doesn't say anything. But he does something you weren't expecting, which is that he gets up from the couch, crosses the space between you, and drops down to kneel beside the armchair so he's at your level. He looks at you from there, close enough that you can see the exact colour of his eyes in Steve's place. "It's always been you too."
Something in your chest cracks open in the quietest possible way. "Wha —"
"At first —" He almost smiles, but it's too soft to be a smile, it's something adjacent to one. "At first it was just Steve's little sister that I couldn't get rid of. You were everywhere he was and you had opinions about everything and you'd argue with me about anything and I thought, fine, annoying." His eyes stay on yours. "And then I went to college and you weren't around and I —" A moment he takes to gather his words, but his eyes don't leave yours. "I missed you. One second, you were there, and then you weren't. And, God I missed you. I tried not to, I tried telling myself you were just Steve's little sister. But you were never just that."
"Bucky—"
"When Steve told me you were coming here," he continues, "I took the internship at the same campus. Originally, I was supposed to go with Steve. But I took this because you were coming."
You stare at him, thinking you like his voice. You've always liked his voice. Now you like it exceptionally more, because his voice is saying things about you. Nice things.
"My allotted dorm was on the other side of town," he confesses. "Did you know that? I moved off campus because your dorm was ten minutes from the apartment and I wanted —" He shakes his head slightly, like he's still getting used to saying this out loud. "I wanted to be close."
"Your apartment is ten minutes from my dorm," you repeat.
"Yeah."
"You moved there on purpose."
"Yeah."
"You absolute —" You don't finish that sentence because you don't have a word big enough. "I think I chose this college because of you," you say instead. "I told myself it was because Steve studied here. Because the programme was good. Because I knew the area, because it made sense logistically. Those are all true. But —"
"What?" His turn to look surprised.
"I knew you would be here, and I wanted to be close to you."
He looks genuinely thrown. Like he didn't expect that particular surprise from this conversation, like he'd braced for other things and not this.
You look at each other from about eighteen inches apart. The whole weight of the last however many years sits in the room with you.
And it's a lot, and it should probably feel heavier than it does, except that it just feels true. Like something that was always going to lead here, just took the scenic route.
"We've been so stupid," you break the minute long silence.
"Yeah."
"Years of stupid."
"To be fair—"
"No, there's no fair. It's been years, Bucky."
"Okay, yeah." The almost-smile again. "Years."
The afternoon light comes in through Steve's window and does something to the angles of his face. You've been cataloguing those angles without meaning to for six years now and you're done pretending you haven't.
You lean forward. You're not asking if you're doing it right this time. Because it's not him teaching you.
This is your decision, your need to be close to him, to close the distance and meet his mouth with yours. He makes a sound and kisses you back immediately, his hand coming up to your jaw.
It is different from every other time, it is completely different, because this time you both know what it is.
His thumb traces your cheekbone and he kisses you just as slowly. "Go on a date with me," he says against your mouth, your lips moving with his.
"No." You reply against his mouth too.
Bucky pulls back. "Sorry?"
"No."
"What do you —" He looks at you, and you can see him trying to figure out if you're joking. The look on his face is so genuinely confused that you'd feel bad about it if it weren't also the funniest thing you've seen in two days. "I just — we just —"
"You can take me on a date… after you ask me to be your girlfriend."
The confusion rearranges itself. The corner of his mouth starts to commit to something, his hand still at your jaw. His eyes are doing several things at once. His face is fond and exasperated and something much softer underneath both of those things. "Will you be my girl?"
"Yes."
"Thank god." He kisses you again, speaks against your mouth like it's the only way he knows now. "I moved across the entire city."
"I know. It's very romantic."
"You should have seen my commute."
"I'll make it up to you," you reply. He laughs against your mouth, the one that gets all the way to his eyes, the one you've been storing up without knowing you were storing it.
Time becomes a foreign concept now. For you don't know if it's been minutes or hours.
From somewhere down the hallway comes the unmistakable sound of a door, and then Steve's voice, entirely too casual. "So should I come back later or —"
Bucky doesn't stop kissing you. "Later, Steve," you say into his mouth.
"So how did the two of you start anyway?"
Steve's looking at you both with this expression that's mostly fond but also slightly curious. Like he has most of the pieces but still not the whole picture.
You're sitting on his couch, Bucky's at the other end, and there's approximately three feet of space between you that feels like it's doing a lot of work right now.
"I asked Bucky if he could teach me dating."
The words come out before you've really thought about whether this is information Steve needs. But here you are, might as well commit.
Steve looks at you like you’ve grown two heads. "Teach you dating?"
"Yeah, Steve." Your tone is pointed. "For people who are so inexperienced because of an older brother, there should be lessons for these kinds of things."
In your peripheral vision, Bucky has gone very still. When you glance at him, he's looking at the coffee table like it's the most fascinating thing in the room. There's a flush creeping up the back of his neck.
Steve's eyebrows are doing something. "No, I mean — why did you ask him to teach you?"
"Because he's Bucky."
"Precisely why you shouldn't have asked him."
Bucky shifts, opens and closes his mouth before he decides to speak. "I think what he's trying to—"
“Why?” You ask, cutting him off exactly the same moment Steve says, "he's never dated anyone."
What?
Your head whips around to look at Bucky. He's still staring at the coffee table, but now the flush has spread to his ears.
"Sorry, what?"
Steve's looking between the two of you like he's watching something unfold that he finds deeply amusing. "Yeah, he was too busy pining over you to actually date anyone in college."
A deadly silence follows.
Bucky looks up at Steve with something between betrayal and resignation. "I'm sorry, how did you know I was pining over her?"
"Guys. You really aren't that slick. Both of you.” He points at Bucky, “especially you.”
You're still processing. The whole time — every single lesson — you'd assumed he was this experienced person showing you the ropes because he'd done all of this a hundred times before. And he just... hadn't?
You turn to Bucky. "So you've never dated anyone?"
He finally looks at you. His eyes are doing that thing where they're very earnest and also slightly embarrassed. "Yeah..."
"What about the other stuff?"
Steve's up and out of his chair in half a second. "Aight, I'm out. I don't need to hear this."
"I've kissed a girl once." Bucky’s voice has gone quieter.
The words register slowly at first. Then all at once. "So that's why you came in your pants!"
Steve, who's almost made it to safety, stops dead in his tracks. His shoulders go rigid. "You did what—" Then he shakes his head violently, like he's trying to physically dislodge the information from the crevices of his brain. "You know what, I don't wanna know."
He disappears into the kitchen. You hear the tap running far too loud. The sound of a mug being set down too hard.
You're still looking at Bucky. He's looking back at you with this sheepish expression, but also something else.
"What about—" You lower your voice even though Steve's clearly trying to give you distance. "What about when you... with your hand. You definitely said you'd done it before."
His mouth twitches into a half formed smile. "My hand's met my dick many times."
"Bucky!"
"What? It has."
"No, you were — you said that about blowjobs. Said you’d done it before."
Bucky exhales loudly like a child caught in a lie. You don’t know how exact that analogy is going to be, to the point where it’s not an analogy anymore, just the truth.
He closes his eyes for a second before meeting yours again. "I lied."
There's something blooming in your chest that you're trying to figure out what is and falling short. Something warm and a little bit ridiculous.
"You what?"
"I lied."
"Why?"
"Because — " he takes a deep breath like that could help and continues, "you’d asked me to help you and I just — I just couldn’t say no. You came to me. And I didn't want you to know you were my first everything too. Seemed like a lot of pressure to put on the whole thing. You were already nervous enough without knowing I was figuring it out same time as you."
"But you—" You gesture vaguely at him, at the space between you. "You were so good at it. Like you knew exactly what you were doing."
"I watched porn."
A laugh startles out of you. "You watched porn?"
"I watched an unhealthy amount of porn." He scrubs a hand through his hair. "I spent about three weeks on some deeply questionable websites making sure I wasn't going to fuck it up when you actually let me —" He stops himself to clear his throat. "Yeah."
The warmth in your chest is spreading. It's taken up residence in your ribs, your throat, behind your eyes, making him blurry.
"So all my firsts… are your firsts too."
"The ki—"
"Except the kiss." You cut him off because you know where that's going. "You kissed a girl once. I'm not counting that."
"It was in eighth grade and it lasted maybe two seconds."
There's something in his expression that's so open it makes your chest ache. Like he's giving you every single card in his hand and trusting you not to do anything terrible with them.
From the kitchen, you hear Steve muttering something that sounds like "...should've shut this shit down when I saw those hickeys..."
Your brain catches on the word. "You showed him your hickeys?"
"He facetimed me."
"And you answered with those hockeys?"
"I forgot about the — I wasn't thinking, baby."
You lean in closer, try dropping your voice to a whisper. "So that's how he figured it out."
"Guys." Steve's voice carries from the kitchen, done with it but fond at the same time. "You genuinely aren't slick. Like at all."
Main Masterlist || Series Masterlist
EXTRAS. Dedicated to this anon (adding this here bc I didn’t want to spoil anything lol)
Thank you for reading this. I told myself I would never start another series because babydoll gave me such burnout. But this idea got rooted into my head and just wouldn’t leave. I got so many comments and asks, and it genuinely made me so happy. I appreciate each and every single one of them. Thank you, thank you 💕 I truly hope I met your expectations. I also HAVE to know if you saw those two things coming (not me thinking I’m that slick lol). If you don’t like the last scene, pretend it didn’t happen. Personally, I just fancy the idea of a guy being so in love with his girl, he doesn’t even try. Less realistic, more endearing and romantic — basically me. Any asks and requests for these two babies are always welcome. Please send some, they will genuinely make my day.
TAGLIST. @devililithh @sheriff-bodecker @honeysucklewatr @demiebarnes @kqtholins @amoremarveloustime @colettebarnes @barnes-babydoll @miraclediviner @of-sanguine-eyes @biaswreckedbybuckybarnes @manly-man-whore @indigo123789 @wasa-bby @biggestfangirl @herejustforbuckybarnes @buckysbunnny @highhopes1008 @castielscaplan @ornateglass @grumpysunnybarnes @luvyoupxmimi @slutdier @yes-ilovetowrite @cautiouscas17 @astridphantom @delusionalwomsn @cinnamon-girl-writes @wherewinterblooms @stifflyspeedyquirk @sassandscribbles @marvelouslyme96 @stesha02 @floatingvalhallasea @goobers-mcgee @t1redphoenix @vickynguyennn @bluellamacheesecake-blog @serenityrjd @pitabread79 @galaxygoddess30 @biggestfangirl @chenoadouble-o7 @phoenix-in-writing @ceoofdisappointment @ladymiseryy @wherewinterblooms @avgdestitute @lunexiax + TO GET ADDED TO THE TAGLIST!
Gloves
➸ Synopsis: “Wooow.” Yelena scans the living area of your room, walking around and poking at various things. “It’s much tidier than I thought, given you’ve been practically hiding away in here the past month.”
All you can do is stand, fidgeting as you watch her flit around the room before heading into your bedroom. Quickly, you follow behind. “I have not been hiding. I was just in the kitchen, wasn’t I?”
“Ah, you’re right, that was inaccurate.” She flops onto the bed before startling you with a serious expression. “You only hide away when Bucky’s here.”
TW: Smut (18+ MDNI!), fingering, thigh riding, cunnilingus
➸ Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader
➸ Notes: Reader's powers are inspired by Heartrenders from Six of Crows! I love the idea of being able to sense and control other people's bodies (hearts, lungs, blood, etc.) and how it affects someone living with that ability. I hope it came across well. Poor Reader doesn't know how much her team actually cares for her. It reminds me of that one clip from Meet the Robinsons where Goob is getting complimented and says, "They all hated me."
(づ-̩̩̩-̩̩̩_-̩̩̩-̩̩̩)づ Anyways, this is my first smut so please be gentle.
➸ Word Count: 8,805
Masterlist 🌒
“Sir, please we don’t want trouble. There are kids here.” A woman, maybe in her late thirties, manages to say through her tears.
“Shut up and keep your head down.” One of the gunmen kicks the office desk she’s pressed against, making her cry harder.
Including the asshole scaring the woman, nine heartbeats thrum against your senses. Their breaths are quick but deep as they try to hold their composure. In situations like this, the robbers know that if the thirty-four civilians packed into the bank sense weakness, they’ll lose control fast.
Most of the hostages are clustered near the front entrance. It’s hard to focus only on the robbers heartbeats from this distance without accidentally killing someone or knocking out a civilian.
Finally, you catch hold of all nine, steady and taut inside your chest, as if they’re your own. With a breath, you begin to slow them. Slower. Another breath. Slower, and—
“I’m just saying this isn’t an Avengers-level threat.” Walker’s voice cuts through the silence, his “whisper” nowhere near as quiet as he thinks. It takes everything in you not to shove him out of the air duct you’re crouched in.
“Yeah, well, we’re not actually Avengers, so suck it up and let’s get this done.” Yelena elbows John aside, shimmying forward until she’s peering through the grate with you.
“We’ve got two down in the back. Bankers are safe in the vault. Bucky’s pursuing the last guy who tried to head for the roof… oh, never mind, we’ve got three down.” Ava’s voice crackles through your earpiece. You huff and pull it out.
“Can you two please shut up for one minute so I can concentrate?” You glare at Yelena and John before refocusing on the people below.
You feel the closest heart. You seize it. Then the next. Then—
“That’s it. You’re taking too long.” John interrupts, and before you or Yelena can react, he drops from the vent straight into the crowd.
“Shit.”
“Goddamn it.”
Both you and Yelena hiss before following him down.
You strip off your gloves, twist around one gunman, and press your hand to his neck. His heart seizes instantly, dropping him unconscious.
Another lunges for you. You dodge, barely, but Yelena is already there, taking him down with ease. Fighting has never been your strength; distance is safer, even if it takes longer to get a hold.
Your heartbeat spikes, except it’s not yours. Another gunman has grabbed a civilian, pressing his gun to her head. Hands raised in a mock surrender, you draw his heart into your chest. After a few seconds, you’ve got him. You stop it.
But in that final split second before blacking out, his finger pulls the trigger.
The shot is deafening. You don’t think, you just tackle the woman to the ground. Miraculously, you’re both unharmed. A quick check confirms she’s shaken but fine, so you’re back on your feet, sprinting toward the next gunman.
You lunge for his neck, but instead of skin your hand closes around a blade. Pain sears your palm as the man whirls, knife flashing toward your torso. He doesn’t get the chance, John slams his shield into him, knocking him flat, and kicks his head to keep him down.
Clutching your bleeding hand, you glare at John’s smug grin.
“You’re welcome,” he smirks before striding off.
The fight ends within seconds, though it felt like forever. As the team confirms the building is clear, you snag the knife, slice off a strip of your undershirt, and bind your palm tight. The gash isn’t deep, but it burns. Placing your gloves back on, you exhale sharply.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Quiet. Quick. Controlled. That was the plan, to minimize casualties. Your power isn’t meant for large groups; you should have been stationed in the back, where only three gunmen held their ground.
Normally, that’s what would’ve happened. You and Bucky had learned to work well together. He understood how much focus you needed, and his steady confidence in you made the job easier.
Now, though, concentration around him is next to impossible and the shame of why burns in your chest as you take in the aftermath.
Joining the others, you help guide the civilians out of the building. The evening sun is so bright it stings your eyes, forcing you to adjust after so long in an air duct. Behind the police barrier, the gathered crowd cheers, watching as hostages stumble into the arms of loved ones. You can’t help the small smile that curves your lips when you see the woman you saved throw her arms around her husband. His hands cradle her face as he kisses her forehead, relief written in every line of his body. That kind of life has never been in the cards for you, as much as you’ve ached for it. This line of work never allows for that kind of connection, and it doesn’t help that almost everyone you’ve met is afraid of you.
Across the crowd, Bucky strides toward the police, gesturing at the building as he no doubt gives instructions on containing the gunmen. Even from here you can feel his heart, steady and strong, threatening to stop your own. His metal arm catches the sunlight, flashing bright and your chest tightens. What you’d give to have his hands on you. He’s always so gentle, aware of the strength he carries. And his eyes, so soft despite everything he’s been through, always look at you like he can see right into your soul. Like now, as you realize you’ve been staring far too long. He’s noticed, of course. That crooked smile of his spreads, and you whip your head away. God, this is exactly why you can’t be near him, you lose focus and end up looking like a lovestruck idiot.
He starts moving toward you, cutting through the crowd, and your chest constricts. Before he can reach you, someone calls your name. You turn, grateful for the interruption until you see Val, waving you over toward the press.
Of course.
This has become your unofficial role on the team: stuck answering questions while the others get to pose for a few photos and head home.
“There she is. Isn’t she adorable?” Valentina trills, far too enthusiastic for the aftermath of a robbery. “She’s captured the hearts of people all across the world.”
You turn your head to hide the eye-roll threatening to break free. How long had she spent thinking of that line? From the looks of it, you’re the only one not amused. Bucky and Yelena stand nearby, the latter trying to suppress a laugh but failing miserably, until Ava calls them both away, clearly eager to return to the Watchtower.
With a long breath, you resign yourself to answering questions, hoping to wrap things up quickly enough to follow and maybe get back before sunset.
—————————————————————
After nearly two hours of standing under hot lights, dealing with Val, and forcing a smile, you finally make it to the tower. Exhaustion from the completely avoidable fight seeps into your bones. All you want is your bed.
The sound of arguing greets you before you even feel the quickened heartbeats in the common area. Suppressing a groan, you drag your feet toward the voices.
“This is ridiculous. I analyzed the situation, saw they were getting antsy, and made a tactical decision,” John Walker snaps, his voice rising with irritation. As you step sheepishly into the large room, his eyes snap to yours. “I wouldn’t have had to if she did her job.”
Don’t stop his heart. Don’t. It would be so easy, but then you’d have to dodge his shield when he woke up. Instead, you settle for rolling your eyes.
“Walker.” Bucky’s voice cuts across the room, sharp with warning. He leans against the wall, arms folded, watching.
“It’s not her fault you can’t keep your fat mouth shut, John,” Yelena drawls from the couch, sprawled out with a bag of chips. You drop into the only empty seat beside her.
“It was an easy job, and you couldn’t even handle it,” John fires back. “If you can’t fight, you should at least be able to do your… magic body stuff or whatever.”
“Magic body stuff?” Ava echoes mockingly, reaching over to steal chips from Yelena. “Don’t look at me like that. Bucky and I did our job. It’s not our fault you can’t.”
You lean forward, elbows braced on your knees, pushing your hair back with gloved hands. Being stuck with the world’s most unstable team is a challenge at the best of times. And you can’t even argue, because technically, John’s right, it was your fault. Ava should’ve taken your position, the three of them working the guards one by one. Still, no one hits your nerves quite like Walker does.
“You know,” you mutter, your voice quiet and tired, “next time I could just take the air from your lungs, Walker. Maybe then you’d stay quiet long enough for me to do my job.”
The room goes still, their heartbeats pounding louder in your ears. It’s absurd. You can barely knock out a room full of people for more than a few moments, let alone actually hurt someone unless your bare hands are on them. Even in a room full of seasoned killers, no one is immune to fearing what you can do.
“Oh wow, you guys look terrible.” Bob breezes into the room with a chuckle, climbing to his usual perch by the window.
You seize the chance for escape, pushing to your feet. “That was a joke. And I’m sorry, I’ll do better next time.”
They laugh it off, eager to let the tension shift, but you’re not listening. You slip toward the elevator, pain shoots up your hand as you press the button for your apartment's floor. The doors nearly close, until Bucky slides in at the last second. Exactly what you need to end your night: another opportunity to embarrass yourself.
You keep your gaze fixed on the panel as he presses a button. Not his floor, but to the infirmary.
Your eyes snap up, scanning him for any sign of injury. By now, you're attuned to his body; the rhythm of his heart, the way his lungs expand with each breath, the steady flow of blood through his veins. Everything moves faster than it should, a result of the serum, while the dull aches lingering beneath it all belong to a man far older than he looks. Chronic pain aside, everything is functioning exactly as it should.
Still, Bucky is good at hiding things, even from you. His control over his own body is remarkable, and considering his past, it isn't surprising.
“You’re hurt?” The words tumble out before you can stop them, worry overriding caution.
He stands tall, eyes on the glowing numbers. Only when the elevator slows does he glance at you, his brow lifting slightly. “No. But you are.”
Heat rushes up your neck. His eyes flick to your gloved hand, then back to your face. You’d forgotten about it completely, too caught up in the press and your exhaustion.
“It’s just a scratch, Bucky.”
His gaze softens, impossibly so, and it takes effort not to shrink beneath it. He shrugs, turning back to the doors. “Even scratches need to be taken care of. And that—” he gestures to your hand “—is not a scratch. You couldn’t even press the button without wincing.”
Damn ex-assassin always noticing everything.
After following him inside, you sit in the empty infirmary, watching as he pulls items out of drawers. You can’t help but take a deep breath, the room blissfully quiet as opposed to the war zone upstairs. The heart filling your chest is strong, soothing all of the nerves from the day as he lays out the disinfectant and wrap next to you.
Suddenly, he’s far closer than you thought he was. You had been too relaxed, and now his hand is open in front of you, waiting. Looking at him in question, you’re taken aback by the soft creases in his eyes as he smiles.
“Your hand.”
Hesitating, you slowly begin to remove your glove, and immediately pause. Bucky’s heart spikes, his breath hitching. To a normal person, looking at him you’d never know, his face gives nothing away. To you, though, it’s clear as day.
“I can do it, Buck.” You swallow the hurt, not wanting him to feel bad for being afraid when he’s the one trying to help.
His brows furrow before he steps closer, removing the glove for you.
You’re practically holding your breath as he unwraps your hand, his heartbeat steady once more. His flesh hand cradles yours, his metal one gently dabbing antiseptic over the cut. His hand is surprisingly soft, though it’s not as if you can compare it to many others.
You wince as the cut burns, instead focusing on the way his thumb moves in slow circles over the back of your hand.
“For the record, I think removing all the air from Walker’s lungs is a great idea.” His eyes lift to yours, humor flickering in them. “Or I could show you how to punch him properly, knock the wind outta him. Same result, and way more satisfying.”
A laugh bursts out of you before you can stop it. “I don’t think his ego would recover from that.”
“I don’t know, he’d probably manage. A little humility wouldn’t hurt.” Buckys pauses, “You really did great. I know you weren’t expecting a fight, and they should’ve been more careful.” His whole demeanor shifts, jaw tight as he stares at your palm before beginning to wrap it. “This shouldn’t have happened.”
“Well, he’s not totally wrong, Bucky. I should’ve seen the knife. I could’ve gotten someone hurt... or worse.” His thigh presses against yours as he secures the wrap, and you feel how close he is, his presence overwhelming. His head is bent, his hair falling forward, and you have to fight the urge to push it back so you can see him more clearly. Clearing your throat, you force yourself to look away. “I need to improve my combat skills, it’s not like I can spend all my time talking to the press.”
The corner of his mouth lifts. “Don’t see why not. You’re good at it. Better than I was, you should’ve seen the interviews during my congressional run.” Oh, you’ve seen every one of them, but he doesn’t need to know that. “I think you’ve really captured everyone’s hearts.”
You groan. “Just for that, I’m sticking the press on you next time. You can tell them how worrying the robbery was.”
He laughs at that and in his concentration finishing the wrap, you watch as he catches his bottom lip, wetting it. Oh no.
Before he can give a snide reply, you’re standing, tucking your hand safely back into the glove. His face is surprised as you put distance between the two of you. This is way, way, way worse than you thought. “Thank you, Bucky. I, uh, I’m really tired so I should…” You gesture to the elevator with your thumb. Not waiting for a reply, you quickly make your exit.
———————————————————————
The kitchen is warm, the evening sun shining softly through the windows, perfectly from your seat at the dining table. Every now and then, you pull your eyes from your book, focusing your senses on those in the building, and tracing your gloved palm. The mark underneath now faded to just a scar.
“Stop sticking your hand in the box,” Bob complains, trying to snatch the cereal box from Alexie.
“I got it, I got it, don’t worry.” He pulls out a tiny figurine, but his enthusiasm drops as soon as he sees it. He clicks his tongue. “Ghost, why is it always Ghost, huh? Why not Red Guardian? My figure looks much cooler.”
“Because people love me,” Ava says from across from you, feet propped on the table, tossing a crumpled wrapper in the air and catching it.
“It’s easier to mass-produce, you wear a mask so the cereal company doesn’t have to spend more trying to detail a face.” You interject before feeling the wrapper hit your head. “Or it’s because people love you.”
Alexie places the figure on the shelf, in line with the rest of his collection. You turn your senses back to the building… still nothing, but it’s been a few hours, so it should be any time now.
“What’s wrong with you, huh? You’re all twitchy and weird-looking.”
Realizing Alexie is talking to you, you pull your focus back before overcompensating with a laugh. “I’m not twitchy. I’m reading.”
“You haven’t turned the page in 30 minutes,” Yelena sits on the counter, now holding the cereal box, snacking.
“Sometimes when I’m reading,” Bob interjects, “I— uh— read a whole page and when I get to the end I realize I wasn’t paying attention, so I have to start all over. Does that happen to anyone else?”
You snap your finger into a point at him. “Exactly.”
“No,” Ava replies at the same time as you.
As your eyes fall back to the page, you get a faint sense of two people arriving at the building. Snapping the book shut with a clap, you stand. “I can’t pay attention, I think I’ll finish in my room.”
“You’re not staying for dinner again?” Bob says, the frown causing a crease between his eyebrows, almost making you want to stay.
Almost.
“I ate a big lunch. Not hungry.” You reply, making your way toward the exit.
“Hmm shocker.” Ava drawls, sitting up and scanning you with her eyes.
“When the others get back just text me the updates on the weapon manufacturers.” You rush out, eager to exit. All you see before leaving the room is Ava giving an exasperated thumbs up at you.
You try to not look behind you as you walk through the halls and up to your floor because you can feel Yelena following you. Failing, you chance a glance over your shoulder, only to be greeted by her smile, way too excited. “Aren’t you staying for dinner?”
“Ah,” she pretends to think, “no.”
Finally, you arrive at your door, and before you can attempt to bid her goodnight, Yelena slips through and into your room.
“Wooow.” She scans the living area, walking around and poking at various things. “It’s much tidier than I thought, given you’ve been practically hiding away in here the past month.”
All you can do is stand, fidgeting as you watch her flit around the room before heading into your bedroom. Quickly, you follow behind. “I have not been hiding. I was just in the kitchen, wasn’t I?”
“Ah, you’re right, that was inaccurate.” She flops onto the bed before startling you with a serious expression. “You only hide away when Bucky’s here.”
Shit. Shit shit shit. Of course, she’d be the one to notice. You scoff, “I have not been hiding from Bucky. What reason could I possibly have to do that?”
“Now see, that is what I have been trying to figure out. But, you can’t lie to me, you are definitely hiding from him.” Checking various pockets in her pants, then her hoodie, she pulls out her phone. “On the 2nd, you finally left your room and went to the gym to walk on the treadmill, after 5 minutes you rushed back here saying you were already tired. Bucky returned from seeing Sam early, just a few minutes later. The 11th, you practically sprinted up the stairs from the common room, only for Bucky to show up with groceries.”
“That’s not—”
“And right now, let’s see. Ah yes,” she turns the screen around, and you watch the security footage of John and Bucky entering the elevator.
You groan, resigning to sitting on your bed, holding your head in your hands. It’s been exhausting, avoiding the man. You thought that if you just went a few days without seeing him, all of the stupid feelings swarming your brain would go away. Until a few days turned into weeks, then a month. It feels like the longer you go without facing him, the worse it seems to get. “Alright. Fine, yeah I’ve been hiding from him. Mystery solved. Are you happy?”
“No, see, I care more about the why. Did you do something to upset him? Because whatever it was it couldn’t be worse than whatever John does daily. And besides, he has a soft spot for you.”
You try to ignore that last part. “No.”
“Mmm, did he do something to upset you then?”
“Yelena—”
“Oh oh, I know!” Glaring, you take in her excitement at your expense. “You accidentally saw him changing after a mission. It would make sense, those military guys always just find a corner rather than a room with a lock like a normal person.”
Your cheeks burn red at the thought, and immediately you realize your mistake. She’s standing in an instant, the dawning smile taking over her face.
“Oooo no, it’s that you wish to see that, isn’t it?” Your mouth gaps at her. Wanting to refute her, but she’s obviously not going to be convinced she’s wrong.
“It’s not—“
“No, no listen I get it. He’s attractive for a man who is over a century old, people go crazy for that, not me but people, sure.” She pops up, pacing in front of you. “And the arm. It has an appeal, I can see how it could add to it.” Suddenly she stops, turning to you with a clap of her hands. “I will help you.”
She’ll… what? “No, absolutely not, Lena he’s basically our coworker, I don’t want help sleeping with him. In fact, I’m actively trying to not.”
“Of course not,” she says in mock offense. “What I meant was locking away in your room will do nothing for the problem. No, what I’m saying is, you need to get laid.”
That’s somehow so much worse. The thought of going out and finding a stranger to sleep with has never been appealing. Sure, going to a bar and flirting is fun, but as the night goes on, there's always the question of removing the gloves. It’s always felt wrong, lying and making up excuses about why you have to keep them on. The reality is, it would take one moment for you to end someone’s life with your hands on them, and it would be unfair for them not to know.
However, the biggest issue currently isn’t that. Bucky being attractive is an objective truth. It was somehow easier to write off the moments where your eyes would catch on Bucky’s hands, wondering how they’d feel on your thighs, or his lips behind your ear. Because if you just turned away, you could think of something else entirely. But the ache in your chest, of wanting the simple act of his hand in your own again, or your mind constantly trying to find ways to make him smile, is much harder to shake. It’s as if your mind is conjuring a shadow in every waking moment, morphing images of what it might be like to have him there. But he’s not, and he never will be, and that harsh reality is devastating, as if you’re mourning a life you’ll never be allowed.
So, you’ll continue your distance, wallowing in the grief silently. At least you were… until you had a spy determined to bring it all up to the ugly surface.
“I don’t want to sleep with a stranger, alright.” There’s no fight left in you, only the hope she’ll just drop it.
Yelena stands for a moment, her earlier energy dipping. You’re surprised by the way her breath hitches in her lungs. “Oh no,” she says softly, as though the realization of how deep you are is dawning on her. “I was wrong.”
You can't even hide the horror on your face as she stands, suddenly much more serious. The only words echoing in your mind are just drop it. “Oh, this is much harder to fix.”
You can’t hide the tears that threaten to spill. Instead, you turn away, finding something to keep you busy, but nothing is enough to stop the feeling of your chest constricting. “There’s no fixing this. The reality is, I’m running around the tower, hiding, and he probably hasn’t even noticed.” You can’t help but let out a sharp laugh. “It’s like Walker said, I can’t fight, I’m a terrible shot, I’m a liability in any instance against more than four people.”
She tries to cut in, but you don’t let her. “People are scared of me. I feel it. I feel it in you, I feel it in the rest of the team, and I’ve felt it every time I’ve ever tried to get close to someone.” You can’t keep the bitterness out of your voice. “I can’t kiss someone without feeling it. Can’t hold them. You know, I haven’t accidentally killed or hurt someone since I was seven, and still, I have to wear these stupid gloves because otherwise, people are too afraid to be within arm's length of me. I’m not allowed to love someone, because they will never, ever, truly want to love me.”
Your voice is raised, the weight of everything finally breaking through, and you can hear the tremor in your words.
“I didn’t—” Before Yelena can say whatever comfort she was planning, you're both startled by Ava.
“Oh my god, don’t do that!” Yelena shouts, as Ava clicks her mask open.
“I told you to stop phasing into my room.” You turn after blinking away any tears, using the distraction to compose yourself.
“The door was unlocked. Anyway, we’re meeting on the roof in ten. Apparently, the people we think stole all of the weapons material got a heads-up that we’re looking into them. We need to get there before they’re gone.” Before either of you can ask any questions, she’s gone.
The journey up to the roof is tense. Yelena looks like she’s fighting to continue the conversation, but you spend the entire jet ride in silence, avoiding eye contact with both her and Bucky. It’s not just you who’s upset; everyone seems frustrated, and it’s easy to see why. You’ve received reports of stolen military-grade material and finally connected the dots to the organization responsible. If they complete whatever weapons they’re mass-producing, there’s no telling who they’ll sell to or what those buyers plan to do with them.
The team silently makes its way to a large warehouse that seems empty. According to your reports, however, it leads to an entire operation beneath the building.
“I’m not picking up any activity,” Yelena says.
“Me neither. Can you sense anything?” Bucky looks at you, his brow creased.
You move away from him, crouching down. This is bad. “No. Not even one person. They must’ve already packed up. They could be anywhere by now.”
“Well, we don’t know that for sure. Let’s see if anyone’s down there,” Walker says, leading the way down a tunnel. The rest of you follow behind. When you reach the opening, you see it. The ‘basement’ is essentially another warehouse, but in much better condition than the one above.
Bucky takes charge, pointing to the two levels of the basement. “Alright. There are two stories. Yelena, lead Walker and Ava on this level. Look for anyone we didn’t pick up, or anything we can use to locate them. If you find any material or blueprints, bring them back. We can use them to figure out what they’re planning to build. Meet back at the jet in an hour.”
They all nod, Ava speaking up. “What about you two?”
Bucky responds, “We’ll take the second floor. It’s smaller, likely used for storage, not building.” Before you can say more, everyone moves in different directions. Yelena waits for you, her concern evident, but you nod at her reassuringly, letting her know you’ll be fine.
“Come on,” Bucky says, all hard edges. He usually is in the middle of a mission, his mind focused entirely on the task at hand, constantly aware of anything that could go wrong. Hopefully, he’ll be too distracted to notice just how not fine you are.
You crouch together near the stairs and listen. It’s hard to focus on anything past the pounding of your own heart. “Clear.”
As usual, you stick close to Bucky’s back, following him as he leads the way, his gun drawn. Both of you scan the area, but soon, his hand drops, holstering the gun. Though seemingly more relaxed, you can feel the frustration in him. He was right about this floor being smaller. The ceiling is normal height, as opposed to the expansive space upstairs.
The floor is mostly open, with only a few scattered rooms. You both spend time flipping through scattered papers and checking drawers. It becomes clear that they had a head start, and there’s almost nothing left.
Across the room, you watch Bucky’s back as he searches. His muscles tighten under the leather, and his hair, once neatly pushed back, falls in loose waves. Turning quickly, you run a hand over your heated face. Just get this done. One hour, then you can go back to the peace of your room.
Your eyes catch on one of the open rooms near the back, and you decide to check it out. The doorway is lined in metal with a panel on the side. Inside, it’s small, clearly just for storage, though the shelves lining the walls are bare. There’s a small metal table in the middle. You tap your finger on it, taking a moment to just breathe.
“We might not even need the whole hour; they’ve already cleared out,” Bucky says, startling you. You hadn’t even realized he’d followed you inside.
“Maybe we should just go back upstairs to help. They might’ve forgotten something there.” Your heart constricts; the distance you were trying to keep has now dwindled significantly, and you’re eager to get out of the room before the ex-assassin can try to question you.
A beep sounds and as you try make your way out of the room, you're jolted back. Bucky pulls you back towards his chest, and right where you stood, a metal door slams shut with a force that absolutely would’ve hurt you. Staring, you try to calm your rapid breaths as the reality of it seeps in. You’ve both just been locked in, and there’s no handle.
“Are you okay?” Bucky asks. You realize with a jolt that you’re still against his chest, his hands holding your arms where he grabbed you, his thumbs rubbing soothing circles while you calm yourself.
All at once, you try to put as much distance as you can. Which, in the tiny room —no, not room, vault— is not much at all. His eyes scan you, his heart still as fast as your own, before he turns to the sealed door. Watching as he attempts to pry it open, you try to shake the way his chest felt against your back, and the need lingering for wanting him there again.
One month, and all of these feelings are so much worse off, it’s as if you never left that stupid infirmary. “There has to be a way out.”
“There is.” He turns, hand resting on his hip. “The panel out there can open it.”
Pressing the comm in your ear, you try to reach someone from the upper level, only to be met with deafening silence. You lean against the far wall, trying to look more casual than you feel, though the way your chest is rising in panic is evidence enough. Surely they’ll notice and come for you both, right?
How fast do people run out of air in a room this size? Is it a few hours or a few minutes? With how fast you’re breathing, it’ll probably be much sooner. The vault is only dimly lit by one hanging bulb, and it feels as if everything is collapsing into darkness. There’s pressure on your face, and you feel as though everything is constricting until you register the cool metal.
“You need to slow your breathing.” As your eyes adjust, blurry from tears you didn’t even know had appeared, you see Bucky standing in front of you. His hands softly cup your face. “You can feel mine, can’t you? Take it in, follow the way I’m breathing.”
You can feel it. His breath is strong and slow, though his heartbeat is faster than his usual pace. Still, you hold onto the feeling, the way it melds into your chest as if it belongs there. As the panic from being stuck subsides, a far worse panic seeps in as you realize just how close he is. Your face heats under his hands, and he licks his lips before pulling away. You could’ve sworn he was pulling you closer.
“It’s a weapons vault, only made to keep things in. The others will realize we’re missing; we just gotta hold tight for an hour.” He moves a few steps away, leaning against the table. “Maybe less if Yelena comes down to check on you.”
Your head snaps up at that. “Why would she do that?”
In the dim light, you can barely make out the way his eyes squint as he stares. “Dunno, but she spent the entire ride looking like she was waiting for you to collapse. Or the way she was glued to your side even after I gave her orders to lead the others upstairs.”
Licking your lips nervously, you turn from his interrogating gaze. “I wasn’t feeling well earlier; she probably was just worried.”
His head nods. “That why you weren’t going to dinner?”
“Yes.”
“Mmm.” His metal finger taps the table a few times as he chews over his words. Kicking off the table, he takes a step in your direction. “That why you’ve been missing almost every dinner the past month?”
Oh god. Every worst-case scenario you ran through in your head seems to hit you full force. Clearing your throat, you put on the most convincing face you can. “Yeah, I, uh, just have been really busy.”
Two more steps.
“That why you’ve been avoiding me all month?”
He noticed. Of course, he noticed. If Yelena did, then the man you’d been actively running from would, too. Your hand fidgets with your glove, suddenly very aware of the scar and the realization that came with it. “I wasn’t—”
Two more steps, and suddenly Bucky is back where he was just moments ago, and your chest seems to tighten again. “You were. You still are. I don’t know if you forgot, sweetheart, but I know when someone’s hiding from me.”
With nowhere else to look, your eyes land on the ground. Every explanation sounds worse than the last, and you fight against the urge to just blurt out the real reason. Rip the band-aid off so you can finally hear the words you’ve been running from: I don’t want you.
“You know I’ve had to deal with John following me around. Alexei, too. I’ve had to sit through him telling me about his glory days during the Cold War.” His head turns, biting the inside of his cheek before his eyes meet yours, the blue threatening to drown you. “I kept looking over, hoping you’d save me. Hell, I even considered setting off the alarm just to get you out of that room of yours.”
He missed you too. The truth of it causes guilt to creep in. Before you can get any word out, he continues, stepping just a bit further. “So I gotta know. What’s going on in that pretty head of yours that’s making you avoid me?”
“I wasn’t—”
“You were.” You feel his fingers as he softly pushes your hair behind your ear, before tilting your chin up, forcing you to face him. “And before you try to come up with some other lie, consider this: the reason you’ve been hiding from me is exactly the reason I’ve been wanting you not to.”
You can hear your heartbeat thrumming in your ears. Or maybe it’s his. His face is so close that you can’t just feel the breath inside him, but also feel it on your skin. No words form inside you, only every want that’s been building inside the past month. Before you can even comprehend what you’re doing, you're leaning in, catching his lips.
He wasn’t expecting that, made obvious by the way his heart stutters, but he’s quick to compose himself. The hand that was holding your chin now moves to the back of your head, deepening the kiss. You grasp for anything you can to hold yourself up, one arm around his neck like a lifeline, your back hitting the wall, and he’s moving with you. You feel his metal hand sliding onto your hip, and your mouth opens at the feeling of him holding you steady. With what feels like all of his effort, Bucky pulls away just enough to look at you. For a moment, the room is filled with nothing but your heavy breathing, and you think that if the room ran out of oxygen, at least you would die happy.
A smirk crawls onto his face. “As much as I enjoyed that, and will be doing it again, it doesn’t answer my question.”
You try to ignore the thrill his promise of again brings, instead trying your best to clear your head. In searching, your eyes land on your hand, which still rests along his neck. Hesitantly bringing it in front of you, you mumble, “I wanted to do that. The night in the infirmary and, if I’m being honest, a lot longer than before then.”
His hands catch your own, and your heart stutters. His eyes crease, breathing in slowly to calm himself. “Why didn’t you?”
That familiar feeling is back: shame. The burden you carry always throwing up a wall, right when you think things are going well. Pulling one hand from his, you place it on his chest, trying to ignore the way he swallows. “I felt it, when I went to take off my glove, Buck. And I don’t blame you, everyone feels like that with me. I’ve accepted it. But I…” The words die on your lips as you realize he’s smiling again, not teasing, but in disbelief.
“You know, I used to wear gloves. Never left my apartment without ‘em.” His metal arm appears in front of you, the black and gold shimmering faintly in the dim light. “I knew people were scared of it. Of me. It made me a weapon, and I thought that if I just covered it up, people would see me differently. But the thing is,” metal cools your cheek as he rests it against you, “it’ll always be part of me. And hiding it only made it harder to find people who didn’t just want me despite it, but because of it. Because of the man I am right now.”
He pauses, and for the first time, you catch something almost shy in his expression. “And that feeling you got from me in the infirmary wasn’t fear, it was me getting in my head about how badly I wanted to feel your hands on me.”
And the way he says it, there’s no room for argument. No interpretation needed or room for doubt. Only the fact that you’ve been aching to touch him, and he’s wanted the exact same thing. With a breath, you tear off the gloves, tossing them in the corner before they’re moving up his neck and into his hair. In that instant, his lips are back on yours, a soft groan escaping his lips at the feeling of you.
This kiss is harder, more desperate as he presses you against the wall, and you’re achingly aware of the way his body feels against you. Your hands can’t seem to still, wanting to feel as much of his as possible, and it seems his have the same idea. His flesh hand, warm against your cheek, as his mouth moves behind your ear. His lips are hot, and you can’t help the breath that escapes you. They’re not there long, moving down the expanse of your neck, until they make it to the spot just under your chin. Your body moves involuntarily against him, and you feel his lips curve into a smirk before nipping the skin. His other hand is back on your hip, testing the hem of your shirt. Desperate for more, you manage to breathe out a quiet, “please,” and you’re taken aback by the breathy sound that escapes him. His lips are back on yours, nipping your bottom lip, and as his hand reaches under your shirt, the cold metal against your ribs makes you gasp. He takes the opportunity to move his tongue, exploring your mouth.
It’s just a slight shift in his body, as his hand moves higher, but you become quickly aware of his leg between your legs, bent just barely. The movement makes you breathe his name. You can feel the weight on him against your hip, your own thigh grinding, adding not just pressure on yourself but to him as well. He breaks the kiss just long enough to see where you’re situated, a smile curving his lips just before returning. Cold metal jolts you as he gently moves your bra out of the way, your heart thrumming as he kneads, his thumb just barely catching your nipple. His flesh hand has moved back to your hip, seemingly desperate for you to move against him again. You feel his thigh, the muscles constricting under you, and you can’t help the tremble that overcomes you as he moves you again. You can feel how wet you are, desperate for more friction.
“Bucky,” your voice is a lot more pathetic than you thought it would be, and he’s quick to kiss your forehead, moving you again against him.
“I know, sweetheart, I know.” Your head falls back as his fingers pinch your nipple, his breath coming in heavy pants as he watches your face. “See what hiding was keeping you from?”
Of course, he’s going to tease you. You expect nothing less from James Barnes. But in your need, you can’t bring yourself to come up with a retort. Instead, you bring your hand to his cheek, hoping he will see the desperation. “Please, Bucky, I need more.”
Just like that, all of the composure he may have had disappears as he takes in a shaky breath. In one move, his hands move to your thighs, picking you up. Before you can let out a noise in surprise, his lips are back on you. Moving to the table, he gently sits you down, keeping the space between your bodies as minimal as possible. Your hands unzip his jacket, and he allows you to toss it off. Your hands dip under his shirt, exploring the new territory. You’ve seen him shirtless countless times, the image seared into your memory, but the feeling is unimaginable. His breath hitches as you move to his back, one hand reaching his shoulder before slowly coming back down, nails lightly scraping the muscles. Where he stands between your legs, rather than his thigh, this time his hardness presses against you, and you can’t help the way your legs hook around him, desperate for more.
With a groan, Bucky’s head lands heavily on your shoulder, his breath heavy. “You know they could be looking for us right now.” His voice is deep, barely able to come out. You can’t help but want to claw more of those beautiful sounds out of him. Taking the opportunity he’s giving you with his forehead against your shoulder, you rake your hand through his hair, exposing his neck before latching on. His hands tremble against your thighs, breath hot, a soft whimper escaping as you nip and suck the spot behind his ear. With your other hand, while he’s distracted, you find his wrist. He protests as you pull away, bringing his wrist into view, and reading the numbers on his watch.
“We have 30 minutes.” A smile takes over your face at his disbelief.
He pulls in, and you think he’s going to kiss you again, but instead, he stops short. “Ya know, I should probably stop here, since you made me go a whole month not getting to see that pretty face of yours.” His breath is hot as he moves his lips across your skin, slowly until he’s ghosting your neck. “Do you know how crazy you made me? All I could think about was how I should’ve kissed you. Hell, how I should’ve kissed you the first day we met.” Shock rolls through you at his confession. His hands move back under your shirt, shifting slightly until it’s tossed over your head, and he’s kissing your chest. “All I could think about was how your hand felt, and these thighs against me.” He’s moved you so you’re laying down on the table, before moving to your thighs, kissing the fabric. His face is back to yours, long hair tickling your face as he kisses you. Finally, you manage to pull his shirt over his head, and you can’t help the way you stare.
“You’re so beautiful, Bucky.” You’re breathless as your eyes crawl back up to his face, tempted to trace the nervous crease of his brow. His lips are back on yours in an instant, his teeth nipping your bottom lip, distracting you as he unbuttons your pants. You gasp into his mouth, and he desperately takes it, as his hand dips down until he’s cupping your core. With a light touch of just his middle finger, he dips between your folds, his hip bucking against your thigh as he lets out a moan, his head coming to rest on your chest while he struggles to regain his composure.
“You’re so wet,” he drawls, his ring finger joining his middle finger, gathering your slick, and moving up to tease your clit pulling a desperate sound out of you. “That’s it, you’re doing so good for me, sweetheart.”
Your back arches at the feeling, your hand gripping his hair. His lips attach to your nipple, sucking as you grind on his fingers. Through your haze, you admire the way his back moves, the muscles shifting with the way his fingers circle you, in a slow, steady rhythm. His eyes are shut, like he’s raging some kind of internal war, until it seemingly comes to a head. All at once, he’s above you again, kissing you hard until he removes his fingers. You want to mourn the loss, but instead, you watch as he places them in his mouth, letting out a groan. His mouth is on you as soon as his fingers are out, as if he can’t stand not having you on his tongue. His hands tease your hips until you’re lifting, so he can remove your pants, tossed somewhere in the tiny room with your gloves and shirt. You think he’s going to remove his own next, but instead, his mouth is trailing down, his hands rubbing circles on your thighs, begging you to open them. You let out a keening noise, needing more as his lips suck and nip at your thighs. Going everywhere but where you need them most.
He stops only long enough for his eyes to flit over your underwear, licking his lips before they turn into a teasing smile. Before you can question it, his thumb is pressing against the wet spot on your underwear. You whine, your back arching as he takes pleasure in teasing, softly touching the wet fabric until suddenly, his thumb dips beneath it, pushing the fabric to the side so his finger can dip into your folds. He moves it just a few times inside you, before he removes the fabric completely, and immediately pumps a finger inside again. His mouth is on you in an instant, his tongue licking a strip until his lips are on your clit, sucking gently. Your hands cling to his hair, and you lift your hips at the way his moan vibrates through you. As Bucky adds a second finger, curling until he’s hitting that soft spot inside you, the coil inside you seems to tighten. He knows, his eyes flitting over your body and to your face, watching the way his tongue twists its magic. He’s seen so many beautiful expressions on your face, but this has to be one of his new favorites. Your thighs clamp around his face, and he revels in the warmth, his beard scratching as you squirm. His lips suck on your clit, tongue flicking, and you swear you’ve never felt anything so wonderful. His name escapes you like a prayer as you ride out your orgasm, his tongue staying on you, fingers slowing until you have to pull him away. And that smile, the way it shines down on you, his eyes sparkling and lips wet and swollen, you swear you died and went to heaven.
Breathing heavily, you reach for him, wanting to taste yourself, and he happily does, his hair soft against you. In an instant, you’re recovered and reaching for his belt, but he hesitantly pulls away, biting your lip once more.
It’s like the words hurt to release, his voice quiet. “We have maybe five minutes before the others are bursting in here, and as beautiful as you are, I don’t really like sharing.”
He lets out a laugh at the way you jolt up. You were so lost in him you forgot where you were. His hands are on your shoulder, stilling you, his lips gently brushing your forehead. He gathers your clothes first, gentle hands helping you into each one. You’ve never had anyone do this, the care he takes as if you’ll wither under him, placing a kiss on your thigh, hip, chest, arms, all before they’re covered. Finally, he gets his own shirt and jacket settled, and you have the pleasure of zipping the leather as his soft eyes watch you.
“How long do you think it’ll take them to realize we’re gone?” It takes a moment for him to register his words, lost in watching you.
“Oh… right. Well, they should be here soon if they can stop arguing for more than a minute and realize it. But if they don’t, the timer said it’ll release after an hour-thirty” He has the decency to look sheepish as he confesses.
You jab a finger into his chest, feigning anger. “Bucky, did you lock us in here on purpose just to have sex with me?”
“No, of course not. I just wanted you to talk to me, but I wasn’t planning for you to kiss me like that.” His crooked smile melts you, and you can’t even pretend to stay mad. “In my defense, I thought I’d be able to pry the door open before that, especially once I realized I scared you.”
He grabs your chin, his gaze steady. “Besides, I haven’t slept with you yet. And if you want that, you’re gonna have to stop hiding out in your room and go on a couple of dates with me.” His eyes crinkle, his voice teasing. “I’m a gentleman, you know.”
“We’re a little past that, don’t you think?” You can’t help but glance at his lips, and, of course, he notices.
“Of course not. I’ve got a lot planned, and you’re gonna love it. Gotta make sure my girl gets the works.” Before you can process that last part, your attention is pulled away by the sound of yelling.
It takes a few minutes, but the others finally manage to open the vault, needing to work together to pry it open. Bucky silently apologizes for it. Honestly, you'd happily stay locked in that vault forever as long as he was there.
You all finally leave the vault and make it to the jet with minimal bickering, already planning your next move for the assignment. You watch Bucky as he talks to the others, catching the way he bites his cheek holding back a smile before heading into the jet. But then your eyes fall on Yelena, whose mouth is hanging open in the widest smile known to man. Looking down, you realize where she’s looking down at your bare hands, your gloves, long forgotten in the vault.
***NOT MY PICTURE ***
Wanna Be Yours ; B. Barnes
Secrets I have held in my heart are harder to hide than I thought
Pairing: Avengers!Bucky x Avengers!F!Reader
Synopsis: Bucky’s been in love with you for longer than he’ll admit. But when a moment of clarity after a misunderstanding on his part cracks the tension between you wide open, he finally gets to show you just how much.
Warnings: Fluff, minor angst, minor hurt/comfort, bucky yearns like a mf, brief misunderstandings, insecurities, friends to lovers, ft. the avengers & friends, sam being sam, minor jealousy, pining, SMUT, minor romanogers (not sorry), cursing, Bucky’s sort of shy and awkward (at first), praise kink, dirty talk, unprotected sex, MDNI, pussy pronouns, mutual obsession, kissing, switch energy, soft!dom bucky, begging, gentle possessiveness, religious imagery, oral (f and m rec), riding / WC: 7.7k
A/N: Thank you so much for this request! This was meant to be short…a drabble…but then I started to listen to Hozier and well…yeah. Title inspired by I wanna Be Yours by Arctic Monkeys. Reblogs & Comments appreciated!
Bucky doesn’t think he’s ever met someone like you.
He’s told himself it’s because you’re kind. Because you don’t flinch when he walks into a room, because you laugh at all his dry one-liners, because you bring him coffee without asking and leave notes that say “don’t forget to eat after training” like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
But, the truth is, he likes the way you exist. The way you fill space with warmth without trying. The way you somehow make him feel like he’s part of this new world, that he can exist here too.
With you.
He doesn’t know when it started—not exactly.
There wasn’t a single moment where the light shifted or the heavens parted. No slow-motion entrance, no dramatic realization.
But somewhere between your half-sleepy smiles over morning coffee and the way you laugh at his dry sarcasm like it’s the best thing you've heard all day—he fell.
Hard.
Somewhere between the early morning training sessions and the late night chamomile tea, his heart grew, both in size and fonder, and it became an innate feeling—the love—the want. It became embedded into his bones, in his DNA. Like it was the most natural thing in the world.
And maybe it was always going to happen. Maybe it was inevitable. Because you’re the only one who never looked at him like a ghost of something broken, like he still had to search far and wide for the man he became. You don’t flinch when his fingers twitch or treat him like a ticking time bomb, or a relic, or worse—an object of pity.
You treat him like he’s just…Bucky. Someone who deserves kindness, a friend.
You bring his favourite kind of bagels without asking. You mock his grumpy scowls and tease him into smiling. You sit with him in silence and don’t try to fix the quiet. You seem to enjoy it with him—understand.
You once fell asleep with your head on his shoulder during a movie night, and he thought he might die from how carefully he held his breath, afraid of waking you.
He wants you—so badly it aches.
But he’s never said anything, never dared. Not when being your friend already feels like more than he deserves.
He gets to see you every day and that should be enough—it never is.
Tony announces it during a briefing: an Avengers Gala. Hosted at the Tower. Black tie. Heroes and allies from across the globe. Sponsored by Stark Industries and curated, of course, by Pepper.
Bucky half listens, frowning, until you perk up beside him.
“Oh, fancy,” you murmur, nuding him with your elbow, capturing his attention, though it had always been yours. “You gonna wear a tux, Barnes?”
He smirks faintly, something easy and familiar and yours. “Only if it comes with a hidden holster.”
You snort, hiding part of your face when Pepper’s eyes meet yours. “As if you need a hidden holster to hide a gun. Don’t you have three somewhere on you right now?”
Bucky shrugs, lips lifting into something brighter, simply because you’re right. “Guilty.”
You roll your eyes and blink innocently at Pepper, pretending that your attention isn’t on the man beside you. Bucky’s eyes soften into something stupid and he leans further back in the chair, pressing his arm against yours.
You giggle and lean in close to whisper something snarky about Tony’s need for dramatics, and he feels your breath against his neck—he swallows hard.
You turn back to the front, eyes falling on the screen, none the wiser.
Bucky spends the rest of the meeting barely hearing a thing.
Later that night, after you bid him goodnight, he lingers by the window of the communal lounge, half-lost in thought as city lights blur beyond the glass.
Steve finds him like that—arms folded, jaw tense, quiet in the way only Steve knows means he’s thinking about you—something beautiful yet horrid about himself.
“You should ask her,” Steve says softly.
Bucky exhales, having heard Steve’s light footsteps and seeing his reflection. “It’s not that simple.”
Steve shrugs, stepping up beside him. “Sure it is. You like her. She likes you.”
Bucky exhales louder. “She doesn’t—”
“She does,” Steve interrupts, nuding Bucky with his shoulder. “Trust me.”
Bucky huffs a tired laugh. He would trust Steve with his life—with more, but not with this. Not when his blonde friend couldn’t see Natasha’s feelings for him. “And what? Ruin this? She’s the best thing in my life. If she says no—”
“She won’t.” Steve gives him a look, one Bucky thinks he wore many, many years ago, back when he would Steve in alleys. “You think she touches everyone like that? Laughs like that?”
Steve crosses his arms, raises an eyebrow. “Do you honestly think she looks at anyone else the way she looks at you?”
Bucky doesn’t answer, just shoves Steve back with his shoulder lightly. Part of him wants to believe it, like there’s a world where you like him—love him, the way he loves you. Wants to care for him the way he wants to care for you.
But, the other part of him, the one that often wins, is scared—scared he’ll ruin everything, that he might see the flicker of pity in your eyes. The last thing Bucky wants is for you to think that his feelings for you, his honest adoration for you comes from anything except his care, his heart.
He loves you, but you were his friend first. He’ll always be your friend, even if he aches for more.
Steve lays a hand on his shoulder, something warm and solid. “Even if I’m wrong, I don’t think you have anything to worry about, Buck. A few weeks, and it’ll be past you.”
Bucky hums like he agrees, but he’s not sure. He doesn’t want to put you in an uncomfortable position, or feel like you aren’t safe with him. Because he cares—so much. He’d rather live in silence and the brief touches then make you feel like your friendship isn’t enough for him.
Because, God, it is. It’s everything to him, a root in his heart that’s grown into branches and leaves.
Still, that night, he lies awake for hours, hand resting over his chest, heart thudding too loudly.
I’ll ask her tomorrow, he thinks. I will.
He almost does.
He finds you in the lounge the next evening, curled up with a book and a half-drunk coffee. You’re wearing one of those soft hoodies that always make you look impossibly cozy, socked feet tucked beneath you.
He steels himself, breathes in deeply—thinks back to the lines he said over and over to himself in his bedroom.
Then he hears it.
“I don’t even have a date for this thing,” you’re saying to Sam, voice light and faintly exasperated. There’s something there, something familiar, something he hears in his own voice sometimes when he talks about you but he can’t register it, can’t pinpoint it.
You shut your book with a dramatic sigh. “Honestly? I’m kinda glad. No one to impress, no pressure.”
Sam snorts and swats your feet away, pretending to shuffle back when you inch your toes closer to him. “I’ll take you.”
You raise a brow, legs stretched weirdly. “You?”
Sam grins, lets out a quiet laugh. “No need to look so surprised.” He shrugs, “Come on. Low expectations. No romance. Plus, I look good in a suit.”
You tilt your head, hum thoughtfully. Sam spreads his arm, putting himself on display. “Deal. You’re my date.”
You clink mugs, laughing.
Bucky stops in his tracks, his stomach twists and he can’t breathe.
He doesn’t hear the teasing edge, he hasn’t been good at noticing these things. He doesn’t see the subtle glance Sam casts toward the hallway, like he knows Bucky’s there. Doesn’t realize this is Sam’s own way of pushing him.
No—he just hears the words. You’re my date.
And something in him goes quiet.
It’s quick, the way everything inside him shuts down and he almost sags against the wall. Like the wind has been knocked out of him. He’s breathing hard—but at least he’s breathing. He shuffles back, quietly, hiding in the shadows.
He’s fine—he would have been fine if you had said no to him, if you had told him that someone else had asked—but Sam?
Momentarily, very briefly, something akin to anger—jealousy—flickers in his chest, loud and bright and instantly, it's put out, dies quickly until the ashes spread across his chest. He hears you laugh, soft, carefree, and his heart settles.
He’d do anything for you, for that laugh.
Bucky swallows the lump in his throat, the jealousy he’d never admit to and the question on his lips and turns, walks down the hall and tosses the single rose into the trash.
He gets you flowers often, whatever he passes by on his runs that he thinks you would like, might brighten your floor, but he’s never gotten you roses.
It was a line he drew for himself.
He glances at the folded rose and sighs.
The line gets thicker.
The gala is a blur of silk and glass and lights that glitter like champagne bubbles.
Every year, Bucky swears that Pepper has outdone herself. And every year, she proves that she’ll always have more up her sleeve.
Bucky wears a classic black tux. His hairs slicked back, neat, and beard trimmed. He looks sharp, clean, polished. But inside, he feels like he’s unraveling.
Because you walk in and you look—
“Jesus,” he breathes, barely audible.
You’re radiant, glowing and beautiful—perfect. Your dress, a deep purple, hugs you in all the right places, glittering like stardust with every step. He tries to think back to you mentioning the dress at all, but all he can remember is the way you winked at him.
Your smile could bring a man to his knees.
He knows, because he’s halfway there, legs weak. And all he can think is, I was going to ask her.
I could have had this.
He looks away, blinks a few times to remind himself of his place. If he’s caught gawking at you—well, he knows what would happen.
He keeps to the shadows most of the night, nursing a glass of whiskey, tucked into the quiet corners. He mingles briefly, making sure to be polite, to be seen. Tony put a lot of effort into this, made sure that it curated to all of them, the least he could do was make his appreciation shown.
But you? You’re a firecracker on the floor, bright and loud and so fucking radiant. Laughing, twirling, dancing with Clint, with Nat, with whoever grabs your hand. You’re drinking and smiling—magnetic.
But your eyes—they’re fleeting, looking for something, someone.
Bucky can’t look away.
Until you find him.
You corner him outside on the balcony, where the air is cool and quieter and he can breathe.
“There you are,” you say, hand on your hip. “Avoiding me?”
Bucky’s throat goes dry. He’s leaning on the railing and tilts his head towards you, resisting the urge to turn completely. “No. Just needed some air.”
He can’t look at you—not your eyes or your dress or your smile. It’s blinding, too much. He just needs one day—one day and he’ll be fine, one day and his heart will settle, make peace with you and Sam.
You take a step closer, head tilting in that curious way that always makes his heart soften.
His eyes flick up. There it is—that sharp breath he always seems to take when he sees you.
You smile at him softly, lay your hands on the railing next to his. “Dance with me.”
He blinks. Then, slowly, pushes himself off the railing, turns his whole body to face you properly. The muscles in his face smooth out and his shoulders drop, relaxed.
“I should be the one asking you that,” he murmurs, so softly, delicate.
Your grin tugs wider. “So ask me, then.”
He swallows, eyes flickering between yours before he offers his hand. “May I have this dance?”
You take it.
The music is warm, old jazz bleeding through the speakers as bucky pulls you onto the floor. His hand is strong at your back, the other gentle at your waist. He moves like he was born to this—measured, smooth, leading you without hesitation.
You’re laughing, a bright smile on your lips as your eyes shine. You spin, twirl, your head tilts back as he draws you close.
“You’re good at this,” you breathe.
Bucky leans in, lips near your temple. “Used to be the only way to get a girl to notice me.”
You turn into him, mouth brushing his ear. “Now I know you’re lying. Steve told me you were quite the heartthrob.”
Bucky laughs, low and deep. Your eyes flutter shut and you hold onto him tighter. He’s so warm, so solid under your hands. Your eyes meet his and you notice that the smile on his lips—while small—is the most genuine one you’ve seen on him tonight.
“Not anymore,” Bucky says, quietly, his body guiding yours.
“Debatable,” you answer, giving him an exaggerated glance over. “You clean up nice, Buck.”
He tilts his head towards you, almost bashful. You breathe out a quiet laugh, soft, but it awakens something in him and he lifts his eyes to meet yours.
Blue—electric, so deep and filled with so many unspoken things.
“You look beautiful,” he tells you, earnest and soft.
People have been complimenting you all night, but you only really cared about one—his. His words settle something in your chest and you smile, gloss shining under the glittering lights.
“Thank you, Bucky.”
He swallows, steps in line with you. His eyes glance around the room once and he frowns.
“Where’s your date?”
You raise an eyebrow and scrunch up your nose in thought. “Date? What Date—Oh. You mean Sam?”
Bucky’s jaw tightens and he nods, looks away when your eyes search his. You find what you’re looking for and duck your head to hide your smile, biting your bottom lip.
You lift your head and meet his stormy eyes, a gentle smile on your lips. “He wasn’t really my date. We just came together. He immediately disappeared.”
You look away, search the crowd until your eyes land on Sam’s familiar figure and the beautiful woman he’s flirting with. You laugh quietly, shake your head at his antics.
Bucky’s staring at you like you’ve just stabbed him in the back.
You both sway in time, the world shrinking until it’s only the two of you.
You lean in, pressing close. “I wish you’d asked me to the gala.”
Your words were nothing more than a whisper, quiet, melting into the music and noise, but they were honest. As soon as Tony had introduced the idea, your heart had been set on going with Bucky. He looked at you once during the debrief—like he was trying to imprint you into memory—it gave you hope, something light and soft igniting in your chest.
But then hours passed, a day. It was approaching fast and you had slowly made peace with the idea that he wasn’t going to ask, that he didn’t see you the way you saw him—whole, permanent—a part of your DNA.
So, when Sam asked, you said yes. Simply to have someone there, an arm to hold.
But you had looked for Bucky all night, saved the best dance for him.
It didn’t stop the want, though—it burned behind your fingertips, deep behind your eyes. So you let it slip, the quiet admission. “I was hoping you would.”
His heart stops and he tenses—eyes wide.
Before he can respond, someone whisks you away—Steve, grinning as he twirls you into the next number.
Bucky stands there, stunned. He knows how he looks—gaping, eyes wide, heart stuttering wildly. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Peter look over, concerned. He waves away the concern and walks off the dance floor, finds a seat he knows is taken, and readjusts his tie.
Everything inside him feels tight, like his own fist is closing around his organs. Your words ring in his ears and he has half a mind to pour some water in his ear, just to drown out your voice.
He watches as you dance with Steve, bright smile on both your faces. A drink appears in front of his face and he grabs it, mutters a quick thanks and tips it back, enjoying the burn, if just to get his mind off what he could have had if he had just not been a coward.
Sam finds him a few moments later, sipping something sweet with a mint leaf. He takes the seat next to him, leans back.
“You looked good out there,” he says, nodding toward the dance floor.
Bucky glances down at his empty glass before he places it on the table. “Why’d you ask her?”
Sam shrugs, his smirk softening. “Figured if I make you jealous enough, you’d finally make a move.”
Bucky tips his head back and squeezes his eyes shut. Of course, he thinks. It was such a Sam idea, so childish and filmy. Suddenly, Peter’s look makes more sense. He huffs, throws him an annoyed look.
“I was going to. I had it all planned out. Then, well…”
Sam slowly nods, smile twisting into understanding.
“She said yes to me.”
“Yeah.” Bucky doesn’t mean to sound so defeated, he just can’t help it. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not even a big deal. He knows—now—that Sam has no romantic interest in you and you didn’t seem to have any for him.
But, like most things of the heart often do, it felt like the end of the world. Like his life would have been so much better if he had walked in with you, his arm supporting you—his cologne surrounding you.
“Why didn’t you ask her sooner, Buck?” Sam’s voice is quiet as he leans in a bit, wanting to hear the answer over the music.
Bucky almost rolls his eyes but catches himself at the last second. Instead, he twists his fingers together. “We only found out about the gala the day before and it took me hours to build up the nerve.”
Bucky swallows and Sam tries to hide his amusement. He loves seeing ex-assassin Bucky Barnes being bashful, almost shy.
“I like her,” Bucky admits, quietly, like it wasn’t written on his heart and on his fucking sleeve. “So much. I didn’t wanna rush and ruin everything.”
Sam goes quiet, smiling softly. “Is that why I saw a rose in the trash?”
Normally, Bucky would have made some stupid comment about Sam going through the trash, but all he could do was sigh, pinch the bridge of his nose.
Sam’s eyes flick up, behind Bucky, and his smile widens into a grin, eyes bright with something akin to pride and amusement.
“Well, seems like you have a lot going on,” Sam offers, quickly. He pushes himself up, grabs two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter and hands them to Bucky. Bucky stares up at him, half confused and half annoyed—a look Sam is quite familiar with.
“Hi, Y/n.” Sam wiggles his fingers at you and briskly walks away, gets lost in the crowd, leaving Bucky with his spine straight.
Before Bucky can turn around, or book it across the dance floor, you walk from behind him to Sam’s chair and take a seat. Bucky’s staring at you like a deer caught in headlights, eyes wide. A mixture of warmth and love, soft and heavy, fills your body and your lips curl into something secretive.
You gently take the glass from his hands and stare at him, admiring. You let the silence settle between you both, build into something welcoming before you lightly clink your glasses together.
While you bring it to your lips, Bucky simply sets it beside him, staring at you like you might disappear any second and he rather just take you in.
Eyes on him, you place the glass next to his, heart warm and butterflies in your stomach as you slowly stand. Everything inside you almost melts when he instinctively leans closer, hand hovering in case you need him.
You step forward, lean in close, your breath brushing Bucky’s ear. “Can I have one last dance?”
He doesn’t even think, just nods. He stands up slowly, lets you lead him back onto the floor.
This time, the music is slow, intimate. No twirls, just you, in his arms, your cheek against his chest. The hand on his shoulder now rests at his neck and his fingers curl around your waist, his thumb brushing skin.
He feels your lips near his ear, almost collapsing from the sensation alone.
“Do you like me, Bucky?”
Bucky’s throat bobs and his fingers curl into your skin tighter, almost like he could will the answer out of his body. Over your shoulder, Steve and Sam both gave him a thumb’s up before turning.
Bucky clears his throat and pulls you closer. Your eyes lift to meet his and he slowly nods.
“Yes,” he tells you, quietly. “I do.”
It wasn’t just like—it was love. He knew it was. He hadn’t felt it before but he knew it, like a stranger you saw often enough to recognize. But he didn’t want to scare you, push you away.
Bucky was familiar with your smiles, the way you brighten when you’re happy, but it was nothing compared to now—nothing compares to the way you were glowing as he sways you, the way your eyes shine and your smile—oh, your smile, it was so soft and so loving.
“Me too,” you tell him, just as quiet. “So much.”
His heart slams and a shiver runs up his spine. He blinks at you slowly, lips parting. You lean back, eyes shining, wanting to take this moment in its entirety.
Inside, everything is warm and burning. The way he holds you, like you’re something precious has your mind reeling and all you want is to hold him, for him to touch you and smile at you the way you ache for.
Then—he smiles at you.
It’s beautiful. Heart-breaking.
Utterly devastating as it lights up his face, smooths out all the crevices and worries in his face.
He pulls you flush against him and you giggle, something soft and airy but it lights Bucky up in a way you’ve never seen before. Your fingers brush the hair at his nape, nails scratching his skin.
You lean forward, press your lips to the edge of his jaw. His eyes flutter shut and a deep rumble escapes him. The fire in your belly burns brighter and the need inside you cracks alive and all you see is him.
“Take me home.”
You barely recognize your own voice. The want—something you keep hidden, locked away for months or years—you hardly remember—has been pulled to the surface.
Bucky stares, breathless. He doesn’t even know if the music is still playing because all he can see and hear is you. Everything else fades to the back and his neck is warm but he’s so happy—confused, but all warm inside.
Your smile turns slightly wicked, the slight alcohol and confidence burns through your veins.
“You gonna make me beg, Buck?”
Oh, he’s in for it.
His voice is low, a rasp, barely hanging on. “Ask nicely.”
You laugh, bright and beautiful.
The Bucky you know, quiet, warm, confident, is staring back at you with a small smile, heat and want and love dancing in his eyes.
“Please, Bucky,” you whisper, teasing. “Take me home.”
He takes your hand and leads you out, without looking back.
The elevator doors close with a soft chime.
The silence settles—electric.
You’re still holding his hand—the metal one, cool and solid, familiar.
Bucky stands opposite you—broad, strong, flushed from dancing. His chest rises and falls like he’s just run ten blocks, suit tight across his shoulders. You lean back against the mirrored wall, flushed, breathless, heart still pounding from that last dance.
Your eyes lift to meet his.
He’s on you in a second, hands gripping your waist, mouth slanting over yours with desperate, open-mouthed hunger. It’s not gentle, or soft. It’s heat and need and years of unspoken want bursting at the seams.
He kisses like a man who’s been starving for you, like he’s trying to memorize your mouth with his tongue. You moan into him. His tongue slides against yours, and he groans like he’s tasting something forbidden.
He kisses with desperation. With reverence. With a low, guttural sound in the back of his throat as your hips slot against his.
You break the kiss with a gasp. “Bucky—”
He dips to your throat, tongue licking into the space just below your jaw.
“Christ,” he breathes. “You’re killin’ me.”
“Good,” you pant, fingers curling into his jacket. “You deserve it. For making me wait this long.”
Your hands fist in the lapels of his tux, pulling him closer, closer, like there still isn’t enough of him touching you. He groans into your mouth when you bite his lips, his fingers digging into the meat of your thighs.
“Fuck—” he breathes. “You taste so good.”
You gasp as his metal hand slides beneath your dress, gripping your thigh and hoisting you up like you weigh nothing. You wrap your legs around his waist, dress riding high, and thank God for the slit.
“Been wantin’ to do this for so fucking long,” he rasps against your throat, kissing, biting, sucking bruisses into your skin. “Didn’t think I could—didn’t think you’d want me—”
“I do,” you whisper, dazed, fingers in his hair. “God, Bucky, I want you—”
“And you’ll have me,” he kisses your neck, the skin below your ear. “You said please,” he pants, “and I listen when you ask.”
The elevator dings. The doors slide open.
He doesn’t put you down.
Your back hits the wall just outside the elevator, on his floor. He pins you there with his body, mouths at your neck like he hasn’t enough, like he’s been starving.
You drag your fingers through his hair, tugging, pressing your chest flush against his.
“I wanted you,” you whisper, losing your mind. “All night. I kept looking for you—”
His voice is hoarse, Brooklyn accent thick and strong. “I was tryin’ not to fuckin’ look at you. Drove me insane.”
You arch into him, gasping when his hips grind into yours. You can feel the thick press of him through his slacks, rubbing against the soaked lace between your legs.
“Fuck,” you moan. “Bucky—please—”
“I got you, sweetheart,” he whispers, kissing your collarbone as he moves through the space blindly, holding you tight against him. “You’re mine tonight and forever. All fuckin’ mine.”
He lays you down on the couch gently, like you’re something sacred and precious—and you are.
Then he sinks to his knees in front of you, hands warm and pressing into your thighs as he drags them down your legs, eyes aflame.
You barely have time to blink before he’s pulling your legs over his shoulders and pushing your dress higher, higher, until your thighs are bare and open and trembling.
He stares at your panties—dark with wetness, delicate against your skin. His thumb rubs circles into your skin, like he can’t help but touch you, but remind you that you’re safe—loved.
“Pretty little thing,” he murmurs, thumb stroking the damp lace. You gasp, legs trying to shut. His hands, big and warm, hold you open with little force, like he can command your body by sheer will. “Can I take ‘em off?”
You nod, breathlessly. All your dreams, fantasies you’d had but kept to yourself, were coming true. “Yes, Yes—please—”
Bucky slides them down your legs, kissing your skin as he goes. His heart is about to jump out of his fucking chest and go barraling down the tower. He can hardly believe he’s on his knees—nose almost pressing into your cunt—can barely remember the gala itself.
He spreads your thighs wide and groans—low and deep, almost painful.
Bucky tried to be a gentleman, tried to be the good boy his mama raised, but some nights, when his hand wrapped around his cock, all he could picture was your pussy—how soft and beautiful it must have looked, how he’d make her drip for him.
The real thing didn’t even measure. He can’t believe he thought his imagination could do her any justice.
“Fuck me,” he breathes, eyes wide and shiny. “You’re so wet. Fuckin’ dripping, baby.”
“Only for you,” you whisper.
There’s something warm in your voice that makes him look up, into your hooded eyes. You smile, nothing but love and promise on your face. It’s like you're telling him that you know—know he’s thought about you, that you want him as bad as he wants you, that you want everything he has to offer.
His eyes are blazing, chest heaving.
The curve of his smile presses against your skin as he presses soft, open mouthed kisses to your thighs. You barely notice his trailing hand until it lands on your ass and he squeezes hard. You yelp at the feeling and jerk forward, his other hand steadies you easily. There’s laughter in your breath as you breathe out, eyes fluttering shut.
Bucky licks a harsh stripe of your core, holds you down as you writhe under him. He presses his face closer to your cunt as his tongue licks and suckles, laps up all your juices. The sweetness, the unique taste of you has his eyes rolling back and he knows he’ll never taste anything that would compare.
The sounds of slurping and his lips smacking around your clit make your legs shake as you try to breathe. He tilts his head further, pushes his tongue deeper within you and you moan, broken and obscene.
He curls the tip of his tongue upwards and you almost scream, tears falling down your cheeks at the pleasure.
“Yes, yes,” you chant, words falling from your lips like praise.
Lifting his eyes, Bucky hums at the sight of your pleasure, the way the tears fall prettily down your cheeks. One of his hands slides up your body, just to feel you, but before he could bring it back towards him, you grab it with a tight grip and settle it around your throat.
He groans into your folds and your legs shake. Needing more, you begin moving your hips feverishly against his face, grinding down on him. Bucky moans into cunt as you smear all your slick over his face, his chin dripping with drool and arousal.
“Bucky—oh my god—fuck—”
He grunts, and the sound vibrates through you.
“Could do this forever,” he pants.
“You taste so good—so sweet—gonna make you cum on my fuckin’ tongue—”
Your sweet scent and taste overwhelm his mind and he begins losing it, ruts against the edge of the sofa like a schoolboy, his lips latch onto your clit as he pushes himself closer to your dripping cunt, nose rubbing deliciously against your bud as he slides his tongue in and out of you.
“James,” you cry, eyes barely open as you watch him suck you dry. The hand on your throat slides down to yours and he threads your fingers together and squeezes once, twice, thrice, before your legs pulse erratically and your walls clench around his tongue.
“I’m so close, baby.”
Bucky’s brain short-circuits at your words, at the term, and he spreads you open wider and licks at you harsher, licking long strips as he teases your clit with his nose.
“Cum, sweetheart,” he edges, lulling you closer to your orgasm. He needs this as bad as you do. “Cum all over my face, Y/n.”
His words are enough to break you and your vision blurs as you moan, your stomach coils and recoils as your orgasm washes over you like cold water, soaks him completely.
Bucky continues to push his tongue into your gushing pussy, lips coaxing all your juices down his throat, making you throw your head back as you arch into him. He licks and sucks harshly, even as you mumble incoherently about it being too much.
When he pulls away, face covered in your slick, he smiles. Your whole body trembles and you lift your head just in time to watch him coat his fingers in your juices before he plops his fingers into his mouth and sucks.
He looks so pleased, so completely, irrevocably and ardently in love with you.
“Jesus Christ,” you gasp, pussy fluttering. “Where the hell did you learn that?”
He grins—messy, flushed, lips shiny with your cum.
“You think I wasn’t dreamin’ about this? Every fuckin’ night?”
He lifts you easily, arms secure beneath your thighs and back. You melt into him, still dazed, as he carries you into his bedroom.
Just before he lays you down, you grip his shoulders.
“Wait,” you murmur, breath hitching. “Let me.” You unwrap your legs from around him but his hold on you stays tight, keeping you close.
You push him until he stumbles back, landing on the bed with a grunt. He stares up at you, dazed.
You climb into his lap, straddling him. Your dress is in bunches, and you remind yourself to apologize to Nat…she probably won’t want it back.
Bucky tries to touch your hips, tries to breathe, but you grab his wrists and pin them to the bed. You’ve been in this position before, but it was in the training room, briefly, before he flipped you over. Now you know why.
His breath catches when you press down on him, your wet cunt dragging across his hard bulge.
“Hands to yourself,” your words are soft, teasing.
He groans, tips his head back. “You’re killin’ me, sweetheart—”
You push yourself off him and start to strip. The straps of your dress slide off your shoulders slowly. You shimmy it down your body, piece by piece, letting it fall until you’re completely naked in front of him.
He stares like you’ve knocked the breath from his lungs, like he’d follow you anywhere—take a bite of the apple simply because you looked at him.
He’s been cast from heaven but he doesn’t mind, because Eden stands in front of him, beautiful and soft and looking at him—like he’s worthy of it.
“Holy fuck,” he breathes out, groaning at the sight of you.
Grinning, you twirl for him. There’s scars on your skin, burns and patchy stitching, but you don’t care. You never really have and with the way Bucky’s looking at you, like you’re his salvation, you can’t help but move closer.
“You like?”
It’s a bizarre question, because you can see how much he likes it—how beautiful you are to him. But, still, because he’s always been sweet, he smiles something soft and nods, fingers twitching like he might reach out.
“You’re beautiful. Absolutely stunnin’.”
You giggle and slide onto his lap again, kiss his throat and then move lower, kissing down his chest as you begin undoing his shirt. Bucky’s hands stay at his side, curling into fists because all he wants to do is touch.
You pull off his tie, undo the buttons slowly—torturously—and push the fabric open to reveal his bare chest. You’ve seen him shirtless a few times but every time, it knocks the wind out of you.
Broad, defined, and hard.
You kiss every inch.
His abs flex as you drag your mouth down to his waistband, slowly getting to your knees. You undo his belt and pants slowly, hand grazing his cock through the fabric.
He’s so hard—big—straining, leaking.
You free him and his cock slaps against his stomach, thick and heavy and beautiful. It’s everything you thought it would be and more.
“My God,” you almost whine. “No wonder you’ve got such an ego.”
He laughs—then gasps when you kiss his inner thigh—close, so close.
You kiss and bite his skin, etching your name into his skin so the ghost of your lips can live on. Once you’re satisfied, you lift your eyes and almost gasp at the way his cock was leaking, his tip red and veiny. Mesmerized, you lean forward and shift your eyes to his, finding nothing but darkness staring back at you. His blue eyes, the ones you love so dearly, have been replaced by something predatory, almost possessive.
Still, you could see the softness threaded into the crinkles of his skin, the way he refuses to move, to touch you, until you make it clear that you want him to. You rest your cheek against his inner thigh and smile up at him.
“I like you, Bucky.” Your voice is low, a mere brush of air against his skin, but he hears you. You need him to know—that this is more than lust for you, that it’s for life. “You gonna let me show you how much?”
Not trusting his voice, he simply nods. You blink up at him, unmoving. Swallowing the lust that claws in his throat, Bucky tilts his head forward. “Yes,” he breathes out. “Whatever you want.”
Bucky barely had enough time to cry out your name before you lick a long stripe from his base to his tip, circling your tongue around him once before you repeat the action once more. All his empty words die in his throat as he releases a shaky breath at the feeling of your warm mouth taking him in completely.
Pressing your tongue flat against the underside of his cock, you taste the salty taste of his sweat and precum. It takes over your senses and you shift forward, circling your tongue around his tip. Pooling some spit on your tongue, you let it drip down his length as you wrap your hand around him, pressing soft kisses to his tip.
Bucky groans, breathing heavier as his legs spasm around you. He moans out your name and you look up to the sight of his eyes screwed shut, head thrown back. His chest rises rapidly and he looks so beautiful, a thin layer of sweat glistening on his forehead, hair brushed back and unruly.
“Oh, fuck,” he moans, his voice cracking as you push him further down your throat, ignoring the burn because he tastes addictive, sounds sweeter than anything you’ve ever heard.
You hollow your cheeks, spit dripping down your throat as you work him with your mouth, humming when he hits the back of your throat.
“Fuck—baby—” His voice breaks, raspy. “That’s it—that’s so fuckin’ good—” His thighs tremble and his abs clench.
He twitches in your mouth and you push him deeper, practically begging. Before he can cum—
He pulls you off, voice and body wrecked. He pants, cock standing straight and leaking and harder than it’s ever been.
“Wanna cum inside you,” he whimpers, pulling you off the floor and into his arms. “Wanna feel you, Y/n, baby—please.”
You’re nodding, still reeling from the emptiness in your mouth. You straddle him again and he surges forward, captures your lips in a hot, messy kiss. It’s all teeth and lips and his hands are everywhere on you.
As he kisses you senseless, you reach between your legs and guide him to your entrance, hissing into his mouth when his tip drags between your folds.
The satisfying tightening and burn of his veins against your gummy walls make you both moan in unison, your body falling limp into his as you sink down completely, the base of his cock hitting your core. The stretch feels amazing, so good, and all you can do is tuck your face into the crook of his neck, biting back a sob.
His hands grip your hips, jaw slack. He can’t breathe—can barely think with your pussy wrapped around him, warm and tight and so perfect.
“Fuck—you feel so fuckin’ good—so tight—”
He nips at your jaw, tongue dragging across your skin as you roll your hips, bracing your hands on his chest. You feel so full, leaking all over his lap. You press a soft kiss to his neck and his hips jerks upwards, filling you to the brim, his tip reaching parts of you only he could.
You part your lips to say something, anything, but he interrupts you by crashing his lips against yours, swallowing your gasp greedily. His lips move roughly against yours, so perfect, as one of his hands slide down to your ass, gripping tightly as he moves his hips against yours.
He kisses down your body, pressing wet, open mouth kisses to the skin between your breasts, licking and sucking, tongue brushing against your nipples.
You were a mess above him, head thrown back and eyes sewn shut, incoherent mumbles and whimpers leaving your lips as you pull and scrape his hair and the nape of his neck.
He twitches inside you, against your sensitive walls and you almost cry out. As if sensing your distraught, one of his hands grip your waist protectively and he presses a soft kiss to the side of your head.
You slowly move, sliding him in and out of your pussy. His hold on your waist helps lift you up and down, guiding you to a delicious pace. His hands slide from your waist to your ass, resting there.
Bucky throws his head back when you begin jumping on his cock, his balls slapping against your cunt. You grip his shoulders and he can feel his skin break as you dig your nails into his skin, the creak of his bed loud as the room fills with your mixed moans.
You slow down, press down on his length to catch your breath. Grinding on his laps, his cock brushes against all your sweet spots, stretches your walls with a delicious burn. You wiggle around on his cock and Bucky’s eyes fly open and he stares at you with a heavy gaze.
He sits up straighter, wraps his arms around you and kisses your throat. “Can’t—fuck.” He thrusts his hips up, almost animally. “Gotta have you—”
Holding you close, he flips you onto your back and thrusts.
You gasp as he drives into you, pressing you into the mattress. He grips onto your hips and pulls you towards him, flush against his pelvis as he rocks his hips forward, fucking his cock into you.
Back arched, you moan when his hand travels to your throat and he holds you firmly beneath him, tilting your head backwards as he applies just the right amount of pressure to your jugular veins, making you lightheaded as he slides in and out of you at a bruising pace.
He smiles when you whimper, teeth grazing the side of your throat as he bites down, pressing your hips flush against his pelvis, the tip of his cock brushing against your cervix, making you see stars.
His hand cups your jaw and his mouth claims yours, softer, despite the rough and messy pace of his hips. He kisses you slowly, traces his devotion into your gums.
“I love you,” he whispers, like he couldn’t help it. “I love you.”
Your heart stutters and you wrap your arms around his neck—tighter. You kiss his nose, the edge of his lips, before his lips.
“I love you too.”
It was inevitable, you think. You were always going to fall in love with him. There was so much to love.
He groans like he’s about to lose it, like your words have single-handedly freed him from all of his crimes and sins.
“Gonna cum,” he rasps.
“Inside,” you whine, begging. “Cum inside me—please, Buck.”
His hips stutter and he practically growls. “Fuck—my pretty girl. Gonna cum inside you,” he moans. “Fill you up—want it to stay—wanna make you—”
“Yes, yes,” you pant, his cock filling you to the brim.
You clench around him, vision going white as you gush around him and he shudders, hips stuttering as he spills inside you with a broken moan of your name.
He thrusts through it, panting, pressing kisses to your cheek, your neck, your lips.
Once he’s sure he’s emptied himself completely inside you, he slows his pace and presses kisses all over your face, slowly halting the movement of his hips. You fall into a slump underneath him and he wraps his arms around you tightly, body pressing against yours, mumbling quietly to you.
“Sweetheart,” he whispered after a moment.
You hum, eyes too tired and droopy to open. He rubs your stomach soothingly, tries to ground you before he moves. “Are you okay, Y/n? Do you need anything?”
Slowly, you shake your head and open your eyes. He’s staring back at you with so much love in his eyes, nothing but softness and concern bright in his eyes. He nudges his nose against yours and you smile, cracking his chest open.
“Just you,” you whisper, finger curling into his dog tags as you pull him in for a kiss.
He laughs into your mouth but kisses you with the same fervor you kiss him with. Gently, Bucky pulls out of your sopping cunt and you both bite back a hiss. He shifts his weight and maneuvers his body until you’re laying in his arms, your chest pressing against his, legs intertwined.
He knows he has to clean you up, get you a glass of water and maybe something to eat, but your eyes flutter shut and your hand rests on his heart so he puts it off, knows you need him more.
He runs his hands along your arms and then your shoulders, pressing into your skin occasionally to remind you that he’s right here—for good. You snuggle into him, press a kiss to a scar above his heart.
He strokes your spine with trembling fingers, his heart full and warm and content.
“You’re mine now,” he whispers, voice rough and soft and questioning.
You lift your eyes to meet his and kiss his jaw. “Was always yours.”
He smiles—small, awestruck.
“You’re still my best friend,” he says, quietly. Like he needs you to know.
“And you’re mine,” you respond, just as quiet.
He presses his lips to your forehead, holds you tight against him.
It’s all he’s ever wanted—to be yours. In every way.
Gosh, beefy Bucky. That’s it. Reblog if you agree.
Drive You Home
Pairing: Taxi/Cab Driver!Bucky Barnes x Passenger!Female Reader
Summary: You’re Bucky’s favorite passenger. He knows your schedule by heart. The same day, time, and location. You’re kind. You talk to him like he’s more than just the man behind the wheel. You always tip well.
He can’t help but fall for you.
But he’s just a cab driver. You deserve better than that. Better than him. So, he keeps things professional… until you lean on him one fateful night when the world feels too heavy.
He doesn’t just want to drive you home anymore.
He wants to be someone you can come home to.
Word Count: Over 12.2k
Warnings: Pining, mutual pining, slow(ish) burn, a bit of idiots in love, hurt/comfort, angst with comfort, slight jealousy, flirting, emotional breakdown, crying, insecurities, sick family member, Bucky Barnes (his POV and he's a warning, okay?)
A/N: @tavners suggested Bucky as a cab driver ages ago and the Barbie Dreamhouse helped bring him to life. Huge thanks to @miraclediviner for putting it together and for being patient and letting me submit this late and @stantastic-association for letting me participate. ❤️ Beta read by the lovely @mumbles411, but any and all mistakes are my own. Dividers by the talented @saradika-graphics. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!
The city sky was still light as Bucky pulled onto your street, a smile touching his lips briefly. Every week for the last three months he picked you up to take you to your brother’s apartment. Same time, same day without fail. He knew the route by heart. Could do it in his sleep.
Thursday had become his favorite day of the week thanks to you.
His favorite passenger.
Someone bright and soft during his long shifts and rough nights.
He came to a stop in front of your building, making sure he adjusted the heat so you wouldn’t be too cold. There was a blanket in the back just in case it wasn’t enough. He also changed the radio station to something he knew you’d enjoy but kept it low enough in case you wanted to talk.
He liked it when you talked to him.
“Do I look okay?” he asked himself, checking his hair in the mirror before he chuckled.
Bucky didn’t dress up a lot since he drove a cab for a living, but he tried to take a bit of pride in his appearance. Clean clothes and a subtle amount of cologne. Beard and hair kept neat, too, even with the bit of gray showing more in his chestnut strands these days.
He liked to think it gave him a refined look.
Something you might notice.
The steady hum of the engine grounded him as he looked at the door, his breath catching when you stepped outside. You paused on the top step, your gaze sweeping along the street as you adjusted the bag on your shoulder. Something warm bloomed in his chest when you spotted him and gave him that familiar soft wave and smile. He wanted to believe that smile was reserved just for him.
Get it together. You’re just her driver. Nothing more.
It didn’t stop him from hoping.
He straightened up when you made your way to the car and opened the door.
“Happy Friday Eve, Buck,” you said, sliding into the backseat.
The corner of his lips twitched at the familiar greeting. Not “driver” or “sir” or anything like that. Just Buck. Steve was the only other person who called him that.
It sounded right coming from you.
“You mean Friday Junior,” he teased, trying hard not to make a show of breathing in your scent.
There were plenty of passengers who practically bathed themselves in colognes and perfumes. It was enough to choke on before he aired out the cab. But not you. You always smelled so nice. So sweet.
Jesus fucking Christ. Get a grip.
“Same thing,” you teased back, slipping your shoes off and tucking your legs beneath you.
The first time you asked if it was okay for you to take your shoes off, he almost laughed. It surprised him more than anything that you cared enough to ask. Like you cared about his space and him. He didn’t mind as long as you were comfortable.
He always wanted you to feel comfortable and safe in his presence.
“We made it through another day,” you sighed.
“And your prize for making it through another day is spending time with me,” he joked.
You laughed, a soft sound like music to his ears. “Lucky me,” you said without a hint of sarcasm.
He cleared his throat, his heart skipping a beat. “Blanket back there and the heat’s on.”
“Thanks,” you said, adding above a whisper, “You’re so good to me.”
Bucky opened his mouth and closed it. “Just doing my job,” he said, the words bittersweet on his tongue.
“Well, I appreciate it.” You hummed a little as you dug through your bag. “And… I got something for you.”
He already knew what it was.
“Protein bar?”
“Protein bar,” you confirmed.
He made an offhand comment in the beginning about his favorite brand.
You surprised him by giving one the following week, and you have brought him one every week since then.
Part of him wanted to save the wrappers, but Sam shut that down by saying it was serial killer behavior.
Your fingers brushed his when he reached back to grab, a jolt running through his body and settling deep in his chest. “I think you’re too good to me,” he said.
It was a thoughtful thing for you to do.
“Just being a good passenger,” you said casually, but he caught the hint of affection there.
Something soft… and real.
Bucky glanced at you in the mirror, his gaze lingering longer than it should’ve when you covered yourself with the blanket and settled into the leather with a sigh. His chest puffed out a little, a sense of pride filling him since you used the blanket. He picked the softest and warmest one he had.
You looked completely at ease, like you belonged there.
“Heading to your brother’s place, or you gonna switch it up on me?”
“Same trip as always,” you replied.
Of course.
A visit to your older brother’s place on the other side of the city. Dinner. Helping your sister-in-law with some chores. Spending quality time with your niece and nephew.
Every Thursday.
He knew about your routine more than he probably should, but he couldn’t help but pay attention. It was nice knowing that you had family close by. Nice that you got to spend time with them.
Some nights though, you looked a little worn down by the time he brought you home.
He carefully pulled away from the curb and glanced in the mirror again, catching your eye. “How was your day?”
Bucky was polite to his passengers, but didn’t typically initiate small talk. It wasn’t that he didn’t care about the people he transported. He did. But his job was to get people where they needed to go, not force them into conversations to fill the silence. If he sensed that they wanted to talk, he’d engage. Most were glued to their phones anyway. But not you.
Never you.
You groaned, your head falling back against the seat. “Work was a pain today. Short-staffed. Didn’t really get a full break. You know how that goes.”
He hummed sympathetically. “Sorry you had to deal with that.”
“Don’t be. Not your fault,” you said with a small shrug. “On the plus side, we’re close to the weekend, and I can relax once I get home.”
“Glad you can still see the bright side,” he said.
It wasn’t always easy to do that.
“I try.” You lifted your head with a soft smile. “How are you?”
He swallowed hard. It was nice to have someone outside of his normal circle ask him sincerely how he was doing. “Not too bad. Some guy tried to correct my driving.”
You sat up straighter. “Are you kidding me? You’re the best driver in the city.”
Warmth bloomed in his chest from how fiercely you defended him. You stated it like it was a fact. He wasn’t one to brag, but he was an excellent driver.
“I want his name,” you added, narrowing your eyes. “I’ll handle him.”
He laughed. “Oh, you’ll handle him, huh?” he asked, turning his blinker on.
“Oh, yeah,” you answered, his heart racing faster.
“I appreciate that,” he said above a whisper.
You really were something.
“And if I can’t, Alpine can scratch him up for me,” you mused lightly.
A wide smile broke out on his face. “Al’d make sure he never messed with anyone ever again.”
Alpine, his beautiful white cat. He found her in an alley when she was just a kitten, trying to stay warm on a chilly day. One look in her blue eyes and he knew he couldn’t leave her there.
“My place isn’t much,” he warned her when he crouched down. “But it’s warm and I have milk.”
She curled right in his arms and tried to burrow her face in his leather jacket.
She became his partner-in-crime from that day forward.
The feline flourished in his apartment, making herself right at home and sticking by his side whenever he was around. He admittedly spoiled her with toys and such, but she deserved it. She was also protective of him, quick to hiss at anyone who got too close, and could imitate his grumpy stare well. He knew she’d adore you.
He certainly talked about you enough to her.
He talked about you with his younger sister, too.
“Becca messaged me a bit ago, too,” he said, smiling a little. “You know how she likes to check in and make sure I’m not living off just protein bars and stubbornness.”
Becca didn’t live as close as your brother did, but he visited when he could. She visited, too, between work and her new boyfriend. She seemed happy, and that made him happy.
“And here I am giving you protein bars. I hope she doesn’t mind.”
“Not at all,” he promised. “She knows one extra bar a week won’t hurt.”
You smiled softly. “She cares a lot about you, doesn’t she?”
“Yeah,” he said warmly. “She does.”
And she liked that he had someone like you who cared, even when he tried to argue that you were just being nice.
“She isn’t just being nice, big brother. She cares.”
He liked to think so.
“Hey!” you said suddenly, leaning forward in your seat. “You know what I just realized?”
“What?”
“This is the thirteenth Thursday that you’ve driven me around.”
“Is that right?” he asked softly, knowing full well exactly how many Thursdays he had seen you.
Because he had been counting.
“That is right.” You settled back into your seat with a smile. “Feels like ages… and not long at all.”
It seemed like only yesterday to him.
He remembered the exact shade of blue you wore on the first ride, something pleasant against the harsh city lights. How you shivered when you slid into the car, and the smile you gave him when he turned the heat on. You were so beautiful. And kind.
The kindest passenger he had that day.
“Thanks for getting me here safely, Bucky! Happy Friday Eve!”
“Friday Junior,” he’d called after you like an idiot.
“Same thing!”
He was a goner.
Every week his crush grew stronger.
But every week he told himself he was just your cab driver and nothing more.
“Thirteen Thursdays,” he said. “That why you look so nice today?”
Your gaze flickered to your lap, smiling. “You think I look nice?” you asked gently.
His heart hammered in his chest. “Yeah. You always do,” he said honestly, willing himself to concentrate on the road.
Don’t make it weird. Don’t make her uncomfortable.
“Thanks, Buck,” you whispered.
He should’ve left it at that, but he didn’t.
“You sure I’m taking you to your brother’s and not some date?” he blurted out.
The air thickened in the cab, his grip tightening on the steering wheel. Something uncomfortable twisted in his gut. He paid enough attention to know that there wasn’t a ring on your finger, and you hadn’t mentioned having a boyfriend.
Not once.
But what if there was someone? What if one day you dressed up for someone else? What if you gave some other man that soft smile you always gave him?
His jaw clenched and he was thankful you couldn’t see his expression.
I have no reason to be jealous. She isn’t my girl. She can see whoever she wants.
I just wish it was me.
“A date?” Your laughter made its way to his ears. “Please. I’m very single.”
For a moment, all Bucky could hear was the sound of his heart slowing to a steady rhythm, effectively blocking out the moving vehicles around him. His next breath was easier, his grip loosening. It shouldn’t have been such a relief to hear that, but it was.
Single. Good. That’s good. Stay single. Stay away from bad guys. Stay… here. With me.
…I’m in deep.
“Haven’t dated in months,” you added.
That made him pause.
“Months?” he repeated. “I find that hard to believe.”
“Well, it’s true,” you said, quieter than before and gazing out the window. “Guess I haven’t caught anyone’s eye.”
Your words wiped out his relief. You didn’t have to say out loud that you were lonely. He sensed it. Recognized it.
It just didn’t make sense to him that you were alone. You were a catch. How were guys not lining up down the block to ask you out?
Your words also weren’t true. Because he was there and he saw you. Wanted you.
“Or… maybe you have,” he said carefully. “And they just haven’t said anything yet.”
A beat passed. “Maybe,” you said.
He tapped the wheel when he stopped at a red light.
Say it. Tell her. Tell her that she caught my eye. Tell her that she’s…
He sighed to himself, the cab feeling smaller than usual. He wanted to admit how he felt, but he couldn’t like this. It wasn’t right when he was in the driver’s seat and you were back there.
“And what about you?” you asked, turning away from the window. “You seeing anyone?”
He huffed out a laugh. “No.”
Women weren’t exactly fighting to date a cab driver.
“My ‘date’ nights are me, a book or a movie, and Al,” he told you. “That or kicking the guys out of my place once the pizza and beer are gone.”
You smiled. “Those sound like good nights to me.”
“They’re not bad,” he said casually.
As if the idea of a date night with you wasn’t painting a picture in his mind.
“You know,” you said, snuggling into the blanket more. “If you ever need anyone to critique your book or movie choices, I’m available.”
He didn’t think it was possible for his heart to trip over itself, but it did. “Yeah?” he asked, keeping his voice even.
“Yeah,” you said casually, but your eyes flicked to the mirror. “I mean, I’m sure you have great taste, but it doesn’t hurt to get my own confirmation.”
Bucky swallowed hard. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
You smiled. “You better.”
The cab fell into a comfortable silence after that, but something shifted. You had given him an opening that would’ve been easy to take. But maybe you were just being nice. Maybe it didn’t mean anything at all.
Or it might mean everything.
He eased the car to a stop at your brother’s building minutes later. “Here we are.”
You slipped your shoes on and folded the blanket as best as you could. “Thanks,” you said, holding out the cash for him.
He reached back automatically to grab it, feeling that spark again when your fingers touched. He didn’t need to count it to know it was all there, along with a nice tip. You were generous.
Always.
“Anytime.”
You lingered when you opened the door. “Hey, Buck?”
“Yeah?”
“You look nice today, too,” you said.
It was a simple compliment, but it hit him square in the chest.
“Yeah?” he managed to ask.
“Yeah,” you said, smiling softly. “You always do.”
It was an echo of his own words to you.
Before he could respond, you slipped out and tapped the roof twice. “See you later. Drive safe.”
“See ya,” he whispered.
He didn’t leave right away. He watched as you made your way inside safely, his hand still clutching the cash. Glancing at the protein bar on the seat beside him, he exhaled.
You said he looked nice. Offered to watch a movie with him. Kind of.
But he was just your driver.
Nothing more.
“I’m in trouble,” he muttered.
By the time Bucky pulled back up to your brother’s building later that night, things felt quieter. But his mind didn’t. It was too busy racing with thoughts of you and wondering how long he could keep his line drawn in the sand.
You waved to him when you stepped outside, your steps a little slower. Your smile wasn’t as bright as earlier, but it was still soft and easy. It made sense. Family time after a long work day was tiring, even if it was nice.
“Hey,” he said once you got in.
“Hey,” you echoed, settling in.
“Good night?” he asked, easing back into the road.
“It was,” you replied, laughing a little. “But those kids wear me out.”
He smiled to himself. No way they didn’t adore spending time with you. “Sounds about right.”
“Did you have a good night?”
It was the best night because he got to see you again.
“Not too bad,” he answered.
You checked something on your phone and put it away. “Random, but I have a few extra dollars in my account, so I may do takeout for dinner tomorrow as an end of the week treat for myself.”
You could have takeout with me.
“Get those noodles from the place you like on 5th,” he suggested instead. “The number seven, right?”
Why did I say that?
“That’s right.” You giggled. “Am I that predictable?”
He almost said, “I notice everything about you.”
“You’re not predictable,” he replied instead, easing his foot off the gas. “I just… pay attention.”
Because you’re… you.
It was quiet for the rest of the ride.
He glanced back a few times and saw that your eyes were heavy. He hoped you were able to relax more when you got back to your place. You deserved the rest.
A pang of disappointment hit him when he got to your place, the drive seeming quicker than normal. “Here we are.”
You stifled a yawn. “Thanks.”
“Anytime.”
“Oh. I almost forgot.” You sat up, seemingly more awake now. “I have something for you.”
He raised an eyebrow. “You already gave me a protein bar.”
“Well, this isn’t from me,” you said, handing him a folded piece of construction paper along with the cash. “It’s from my niece and nephew.”
He opened it carefully, his heart melting on the spot.
A drawing of a car stretched across the sheet. It was lopsided with uneven wheels and windows that were too big. There were two stick figures inside. One in the back with a large smile that was clearly you. And one in the front with brown hair, blue eyes, and a small smile.
It was him.
There was a message in crooked letters above the car, surrounded by glitter glue.
BUCKY DRIVING AUNTIE! YAY!
His throat tightened unexpectedly. “That’s us?” he asked with a hint of disbelief.
You mentioned him to your family?
“That’s us,” you said affectionately, making him wonder if that was for him or your niece and nephew. “They wanted to thank you for always getting me there and back every week.”
He swallowed, his throat dry. “You… talk about me?”
“Of course, I do,” you said like it was obvious. “You’re part of my week.”
He folded it back up like it was something fragile, your words slowly sinking in.
You talked about him. Your family knew he existed. Your niece and nephew had never met him, but still made him a card like he mattered.
His heart felt full.
And he didn’t know what to do with that feeling.
“Tell ‘em I said thanks,” he said quietly. “Really.”
“I will,” you promised, hesitating when you reached for the door handle.
You waited long enough for him to look at you over his shoulder. Long enough that his heart thudded. Hope flickered deep within.
She feels something, right? It can’t just be me.
Your fingers tightened around the strap of your bag, but your eyes were soft. “I…” Your gaze flickered down before looking back at him, sighing a little. “I’ll see you next week, Buck.”
He exhaled, trying not to let disappointment show. Something passed between you. He felt it. It was real.
Or… maybe he just imagined it.
“Yeah,” he said, offering you a small smile. “Next week.”
“Good night.”
“Good night,” he repeated. “And thanks again for the card and tip.”
You smiled softly before you got out.
He leaned against his seat and once again stayed to make sure you got inside safely. You didn’t rush inside when you got to the door. You paused instead and glanced over your shoulder at the door, like you were waiting for him. It was an opening. Maybe.
But he didn’t take it.
He kept that line drawn.
You waved before you went inside, and he closed his eyes, the quiet surrounding him once again.
His fingers brushed the construction paper in his lap.
Steve and Sam would flip when he told them about it. Hell, they already did whenever he talked about you. He could practically hear them now once he gave them the recap of tonight’s events.
Sam shaking his head and saying, “She gives you protein bars, offers to watch movies with you, her family knows about you, her niece and nephew made you a card, and you didn’t ask for her number?”
Steve, a little quieter but no less insistent, with, “Buck… you’re allowed to want something.”
Bucky’s jaw clenched. They acted like it was simple, like he could just ask and it wouldn’t change a thing. It would change everything.
He didn’t want to risk losing you or holding you back when he didn’t have you to begin with.
For now, he’d continue driving you where you needed to go and leave it at that.
Coward. Life’s too short.
He set the card aside and took one last look at your building.
“Yeah,” he sighed. “I’m in big trouble.”
Bucky arrived a couple of minutes early the following Thursday.
He told himself it was habit. Being mindful of traffic. Not because he was eagerly waiting for you.
Not at all.
And you also weren’t the reason he spent ten extra minutes picking out a shirt.
Just because she said I look nice…
He made a mistake of checking the group chat he had with Steve and Sam while he waited.
Sam: “Be a man and get her number.”
He gritted his teeth, quickly typing. He almost regretted confiding in them about you. It would’ve been easier to keep his mouth shut.
“Fuck off, Samuel. I am a man.”
The dots appeared with both of his friends writing something back.
Sam: “OOH. Samuel. My full name. Hit a sore spot, huh?”
Maybe he did.
Stevie: “Just go at your pace, jerk. We got your back.”
Some of the tension left his shoulders.
“Thanks, punk.”
He put his phone away and smiled just a little. They were good guys. Had been with him through thick and thin. Brothers.
Sam definitely acted like an annoying brother in the most supportive way.
And as much as he adored Becca, he didn’t want to bother his little sister with his lack-of-relationship woes. She had enough on her plate. He’d be just fine.
Eventually.
His attention snapped in your direction when you left your building and everything else faded away.
There you were again.
The same familiar sweep of your eyes along the street before you found him. The soft smile. The small wave. How you always looked incredible no matter if you dressed up or down.
Like tonight, you had on the same soft sweater you wore last month. It reminded him of comfort. It also made you look gentle in a way that made him want to take care of you.
The instinct hit him harder than before.
Yeah. I’m royally fucked.
He straightened up as you walked closer, his brows furrowing. You were still smiling at him, but your steps didn’t look as light as normal. There was tension in your shoulders.
“Happy Friday Eve, Buck,” you said, unfolding the blanket with extra care.
There was a touch of weariness in your tone under the warmth.
It would’ve been easy to miss if he wasn’t paying attention.
“You mean Friday Junior,” he said automatically.
“Same thing,” you murmured.
“Your brother’s place?” he asked gently.
“Same trip as always,” you replied just as gently.
He looked at you in the mirror after pulling away from the curb. You were already gazing out the window, relaxed but not completely. His chest tightened when he spotted the slightest frown on your face.
It didn’t belong there.
Is she okay? Was work extra rough?
He waited a couple of blocks before he asked, “Long day?”
Bucky didn’t want to push if you didn’t want to talk, but he did want to make sure you were okay. If something upset you, he wanted to fix it. If someone upset you, he wanted to handle it.
Let me help however I can.
“Yeah,” you replied after a second. “Long week, actually.”
“Those are the worst.” He tapped a finger on the wheel. “Becca always tells me to take a breath and not let the week eat me alive.”
“That’s good advice.” Something soft and a little sad flickered in your eyes. He didn’t know if his words triggered a memory, but it felt important. “Especially coming from a sibling.”
“It is,” he replied. “Siblings just get it some days.”
You hummed in agreement, but didn’t say anything else.
He bit his tongue. It was times like this when he wished he wasn’t driving. He wanted to turn around and give you his attention. You deserved it.
“Would it make you feel any better if I said you look nice today?” he asked, hoping he didn’t sound as desperate as he felt.
That brought a smile to your face. “It does make me feel better,” you said, your tone almost back to normal. “Thank you.”
He smiled back gently, the sound of the engine and low music filling the space for a moment. It didn’t fix your long week, but he was glad the compliment helped. He’d consider that a win.
“You look nice, too.” You craned your head to look at him. “I really like that color on you.”
His pulse jumped. The usual ease was coming back, the cab lighter. And you noticed his shirt.
I chose well.
“Oh, this old thing?” he teased, like it wasn’t a big deal. “Really brings out my eyes.”
You giggled. “It sure does.”
He stole another glance at you when you looked out the window again. You were tired, but you were okay. Still warm. Still you.
He felt like he could breathe again.
“Hey,” he said after another block, reaching into the console. “I, uh… made you a list.”
“A list?” Your eyebrows went up. “What kind of list?”
“Movies. Some I like. Some I think you’d like,” he clarified, passing it back to you before he could change his mind. “You did offer to critique them.”
“And you’re taking me up on it?” You gasped, putting a hand to your chest. “I’m both shocked and flattered.”
“You should be,” he deadpanned before grinning.
You smiled, a little tired but genuine. “The first title has a star next to it.”
“Because it’s my favorite and a good one to start with.”
“Did you get Steve and Sam’s seal of approval?”
He scoffed. “They’d like it. Enough oldies for Steve, and Sam has somewhat decent taste in recent stuff… but he’ll never know I said that.” He coughed into his hand and added, “They’ve heard about you.”
You smiled. “Is that right?”
“Yeah, I talk about more than I probably should.” He shrugged, but his left foot lightly tapped. “You’re a good passenger.”
And I’m just your driver.
Your smile faltered, just for a second, before you smoothed it over with a laugh. “And you’re a good driver.” You scanned the small piece of paper once more. “You put a lot of thought into this, didn’t you?”
Warmth rushed to his cheeks. “You should see the book list I’m making for you,” he muttered.
He valued your opinion, and the lists were a way for you to think of him between rides. A way to keep you two connected. Maybe it was selfish that he wanted you to have him on your mind.
But maybe it wasn’t.
“You’re making me a book list, too? Oh, I can’t wait for that.” You folded it neatly and put it in your bag. “I’ll watch the first movie tomorrow night.”
Another Friday night with no date? I wish I could man up and change that.
“I expect a full report next week,” he teased.
“You got it, Sarge,” you teased back.
His breath caught. “Sarge?” he repeated. “You remember my military ranking?”
Sergeant Barnes.
It was mentioned only once, just like the protein bars. A passing comment and nothing more. But you listened.
You remembered.
“Of course, I do.”
The same thing you said about mentioning him to your family.
He blinked rapidly, trying to steady the emotions stirring inside him as he drove. You continued to surprise him with your soft words and smiles, making him feel special in your eyes. You undid him in ways nothing or no one else could.
“Here we are,” he said minutes later.
“Thanks, Buck.” You gathered your things before you stopped, your inhale sharp. “Oh… you kept it.”
He followed your gaze to the dashboard. Your niece and nephew’s card was proudly on display. It was a beautiful reminder of you.
“Of course, I did,” he said, trying to play it cool. “It’s a nice drawing.”
“That’s really sweet, Buck.”
He shrugged a little, but heat crept up his neck. “It deserved a front and center spot.”
Your gaze softened more. “They’ll think you’re the coolest guy ever when I tell them.”
They made him feel cool by giving him the card.
“Guess I’ll have to try to live up to that.”
“You already are,” you said without missing a beat, passing him a protein bar with the cash.
His heart pounded in his chest. Another thoughtful gesture. More words that made him feel good.
Say something. Do something.
But he didn’t.
There was a small pause before you sighed and got out, the door gently closing behind you. Tap. Tap. The familiar rhythm against the roof should’ve felt normal and comforting.
But why did it feel like you were disappointed?
“See you later,” you said. “Drive safe.”
“See ya,” he exhaled.
He watched until you went inside, half tempted to hit the dashboard since he chickened out. He held himself back. There was no sense in taking his frustration out on the car. He could hit a punching bag later.
Maybe he could knock some sense into himself, too, and man up.
“Should’ve said something,” he muttered, running a hand through his hair.
Some of the frustration at himself faded when he looked at the card. He imagined your niece and nephew were the kind of kids who loved when the garbage men came by every week or drivers dropped off packages. They’d probably have a blast riding around in his cab, cheering him on for driving you around. If Becca ever had kids, they’d likely be the same way.
He wondered, briefly, if you’d ever meet her, and the thought didn’t scare him the way it should.
But what would your brother think of me? Would he think I’m good enough?
At the end of the day, didn’t it matter only what you thought and saw in him?
His phone buzzed.
Sam: “Well??? We’re waiting.”
Bucky stared at the message before typing back. “Dropped her off. Didn’t ask.”
Three dots appeared immediately. He didn’t want to look. Didn’t need the additional salt on the open wound of his self-doubt.
But he looked since he was a glutton for punishment.
Sam: “Man, if we can even call you that, you're killing me! I’m gonna lose the bet.”
Bet? What fucking bet?
Stevie: “There’s no bet. You’ll do it when it’s right.”
Sam: “Don’t make me get Becca and Sarah involved. I’ll do it.”
He tucked his phone away and shook his head. Tough and gentle love. He needed both.
And he needed just a little more time to convince himself to erase the line he had drawn.
The next passenger he picked up, a man complaining about the state of the economy, didn’t shift his focus fully away from you. The restaurant he dropped him at seemed like a nice one to take you to, something quiet and romantic. A couple of women he drove after that mentioned an acoustic concert in the park, which made him picture you leaning your head on his shoulder while listening to music together. Every passenger was like that, managing to tie something back to you.
He still got everyone where they needed to go safely since that was the job.
He just couldn’t stop thinking about you.
By the time he arrived to pick you up again, the city lights had taken over the streets. He spotted you immediately, your arms wrapped around yourself to keep warm. You looked about the same as when you went in. A little more tired, but okay.
And you still gave him a smile when you got in.
Smiling like she’s happy to see me.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” he replied, double checking the heat. “Kids wear you out again?”
“You know it. They had so much energy tonight, and I almost stepped on a lego when I was chasing them around.”
“Occupational hazard of being a great aunt.”
“You know it.” You laughed a little. “They were also thrilled that you have their card up.”
That warmed his heart. “So, they think I’m cool?”
“The coolest.”
He smiled at the sincerity. He believed that they believed that. It was a feeling he needed to lean into more.
“Did you have a good night?”
“Yep. Just driving. Getting everyone where they need to go,” he answered.
And thinking of you. Always thinking about you.
He turned the radio up a notch after that instead of trying to fill the silence, letting you relax. For a moment, he pictured swaying with you. Minus the quick brush of your fingers, he hadn’t touched you in any way.
To hold you would be a gift.
“Hey, Buck?” you asked once he pulled up to your place.
“Yeah?”
You bit your lip. “I wanted to give you something.”
“Yeah?” he asked, his chest tightening in anticipation as you reached into your bag.
You hesitated before you nodded. “Yeah.”
Your hand shook a little when you passed him a small slip of paper with the cash. He unfolded it, blinking hard to make sure he was reading it correctly. He turned it over, too.
It was your handwriting. Your name. Your number.
You gave him your phone number.
His heart forgot how to beat before it thundered. He imagined this scenario for weeks, but he hadn’t prepared himself for the reality of it. He didn’t think the universe would be that kind to him.
“I just figured, this way you don’t have to wait until next week for my report on the movie. You could just text me and see what I think,” you explained, trying to play it off casually. “Or if you ever want to send me pictures of Alpine. Or you’re just… bored.”
His pulse roared in his ears. You wanted to hear from him. You gave him another opening while he kept mentally blocking the door with his foot.
You trusted him enough to want a connection outside of the cab and the rules he internally created and enforced.
“But you don’t have to,” you added quickly, reaching for the door handle. “I can wait until next week to talk to you and-”
“Wait,” he begged, trying not to panic. The last thing he wanted was for you to think he didn’t want to reach out. “I’ll, um… give you mine, too.”
You met his gaze in the mirror. He wanted to memorize how you looked at this moment. Hopeful. Beautiful.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” he whispered.
He found a pen and a receipt, making sure his writing was legible as he jotted it down. Your smile when he handed it over soothed his nerves. The smooth thing to do would’ve been to put his phone number on the movie list when he gave it to you earlier. But this was better.
This felt more right.
“Thanks.” You tucked it away like it was something sacred. “I’ll text you.”
He nodded, his throat tight. “I’d like that.”
You stepped out into the cool air, glancing back at him. The tension was almost completely gone from your shoulders. The glow from the street lamps made your eyes sparkle.
He couldn’t look away from you if he tried.
“Good night, Buck.”
“Good night.”
Once you were inside, he glanced at your number again, reading it until the numbers ran together. He reached for the phone to message the guys and Becca before deciding against it. Sam would lose his mind. Steve would tell him not to overthink it. Becca would be somewhere in the middle. He didn’t need that tonight.
He wanted to hang onto this just a little longer and let it sink in that it was real.
Besides, it was just an exchange of phone numbers. You didn’t ask him out. He didn’t ask you out. He was still being professional.
But he did check his phone immediately when a new message popped up.
“Happy fourteenth Thursday. Thanks again for the ride.”
Still counting like me.
“Anytime. Get some rest. And let me know when you watch the first movie.”
A neutral message. Polite. Professional.
“I’m still in trouble.”
And he grinned like an idiot because of it.
You messaged him on Friday night.
He saved you under his contacts as MFP, my favorite passenger.
MFP: “Halfway through the movie.”
His fingers hovered over the screen. If he typed back too quickly, he’d look desperate. If he waited too long, he’d look aloof.
A full minute was enough time.
“And?”
He winced at himself. That was too short. Too blunt.
MFP: “They switched part of what happened in the book. Trying to reserve my judgement until the end.”
A sense of awe filled him. You read the book. Of course, you did. That made him want you even more.
But he couldn’t say that.
“I didn’t like the switch at first either, but keep watching. Trust me.”
MFP: “I trust you.”
That made his breath catch.
He scratched behind Alpine’s ear, smiling when she purred. “She’s watching it and texting me. That’s good, right?”
She meowed happily.
He put the movie on, too, in the hopes that he wouldn’t keep checking his phone.
You messaged him again an hour later.
MFP: “My score: 8/10. Adventurous, heartwarming, and visually stunning. I see why it’s your favorite.”
He smiled, typing out, “Dinner and tell me more?”
He deleted it and started over.
“8/10? I’ll take it. What didn’t you like besides the book switch?”
MFP: “A one point deduction was for the book switch. Another deduction for the bad wig. I mean, a huge budget like that and they couldn’t give the lead some good hair? Tragic.”
Bucky chuckled. “You make a good point. It was pretty bad.”
MFP: “But movie wise? So far, so good for your taste.”
That was a win in his book.
You didn’t message him again until Saturday night.
MFP: “Is brinner an acceptable choice on a Saturday night?”
He smiled immediately.
“Brinner is an acceptable choice every night.”
MFP: “I knew you’d understand. I can eat while I watch the second movie on the list.”
“I bet you’ll give it a 7/10.”
MFP: “We’ll see if you’re right. Hope you're having a good weekend.”
He reread that statement twice. It felt measured. Careful.
“You, too.”
He read the message again after sending it.
Maybe it was another message that was too short.
And it was too late to erase it.
You sent him a photo of a white cat on Sunday.
MFP: “Is this Alpine’s doppelganger?”
He chuckled. The image wasn’t too far off but Alpine was prettier. He was a bit biased when it came to his feline.
“There’s no cat like Al.”
MFP: “I believe it. And you were right, but the way. 7/10. I deducted two points for the one terrible accent.”
He tilted his head and laughed again. He had almost forgotten about the bad accent. It was amazing how one actor or actress could throw off an entire scene.
“Much deserved deduction. Al would approve.”
MFP: “I’m honored.”
He didn’t hear from you for the rest of the day.
It was his turn to message you first.
“Hope you have water and caffeine to get you through Monday.”
He stared at it after sending. Maybe that too personal. Maybe it wasn’t enough.
MFP: “Do I have to have water?”
He laughed, picturing you scrunching up your face.
“Need you to stay hydrated.”
Because he cared.
MFP: “But what if I try to live on stubbornness like you?”
You’re too good to live on stubbornness.
“Still need water.”
MFP: “Yes, Sarge.”
Oh, that did something to him.
MFP: “But only if you drink some water, too.”
“I will.”
He would for you.
He didn’t hear from you on Tuesday.
That was fine. You were busy. You had a life outside of him. And he didn’t want to bother you.
But he checked his phone more than he should have.
You messaged him first thing on Wednesday.
MFP: “Is it Friday Eve yet?”
Relief hit him faster than he expected.
“Almost. You surviving?”
There was a delay this time. Long enough for him to notice.
MFP: “Barely, but I’m trying.”
He frowned a little.
“Hang in there.”
He hesitated before adding another message.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
There was another pause.
MFP: “Yeah. See you tomorrow.”
He stared at it longer than he meant to.
Something about it felt different. Quieter. He could’ve been imagining it.
He sent one more message before he could stop himself.
“Can’t wait.”
He meant it.
Even if something told him tomorrow would feel different.
Bucky waited at the curb as patiently as he could, checking his hair three times. Just like every week before, he looked forward to seeing you. But this felt different because the texts had been good overall. Almost effortless.
Almost.
Tonight could be a turning point.
Bucky checked his phone again, even though he told himself he wouldn’t.
Sam: “You better not fumble this now that you got her number.”
Stevie: “Ignore him. Just be yourself.”
He huffed under his breath, locking the screen.
Like it’s that easy.
He turned his attention back to your building, his heart sinking the moment you stepped outside.
The usual sweep of your gaze didn’t happen since you were looking at your feet. You hardly seem to notice or care that your bag slipped from your shoulder. When you finally lifted your gaze, you looked worn out in a way he had never seen before.
It was like someone took the light inside you and dialed it down.
Everyone had bad days. That was a normal part of life. But this was you.
It didn’t sit right with him at all.
“Happy Friday Eve,” you stated with a dim smile, hugging the blanket against your chest like a pillow. Your fingers trembled just enough that he spotted it.
“Friday Junior,” he said because that’s what he was supposed to say.
Same thing.
You didn’t say it.
You looked out the window, your jaw tight enough that he could see the tension in your neck. There was no teasing either as he drove. No references to any of the messages between you, like brinner or the bad wig or accent from the movies. No jokes about staying hydrated or calling him Sarge.
There were no comments on anything.
Just the kind of silence that for the first time felt off between you two.
Something was wrong.
I fucked this up, didn’t I?
He thought back to every message he sent like he could figure out the exact moment things flipped.
He responded in a timely manner. He initiated at times so it wouldn’t all fall on you. They weren’t overly flirty but they weren’t cold either.
Maybe you expected more and he let you down.
Or maybe he leaned in too far with the “can’t wait” message and now you were pulling back.
“Hey, um…” He cleared his throat, his grip shifting on the wheel. “If I said something wrong, or if I upset you with one of my texts…”
“What?” Your head snapped toward him, your brows pinching. “Buck, no.”
He blinked, surprised at how quickly you shut that down when his mind was screaming at him. “You sure?” He bit the inside of his cheek. “You just seem off, and I didn’t want it to be because of me.”
He was sure he could handle just about anything but that.
He didn’t want to lose the one bright part of his week because he misread a moment or sent the wrong text.
“Buck,” you said, even gentler this time. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
His shoulders dropped. “Really?” he pressed, needing to be absolutely certain.
“Really. I like talking with you… a lot,” you promised, a shallow breath leaving your lungs. “I swear, it isn’t you.”
The weight in his chest eased enough for him to breathe but not enough to feel okay since your voice cracked. You liked talking to him, which was good. Better than good. But if he wasn’t the issue, it was something else. Something you weren’t telling him.
It worried him.
“Can I ask you something?” you asked softly.
“Yeah. Anything,” he said honestly.
“I don’t think I’ve ever asked you this.” You paused to consider your words. “Why do you drive?”
He inhaled. It wasn’t unusual for you to ask about him. But most people didn’t care enough to ask why he did this job.
You weren’t most people there, were you?
Your gaze was back on him instead of looking out the window, waiting patiently for his answer because you wanted to know.
Like Becca said… you care.
“I guess the easy answer is having a flexible schedule, getting decent money on the right nights, and it beats being in an office with some boss hounding me.”
You gave him a knowing, very small smile. “And what’s the real answer?”
He took a breath. “You remember I served in the army.” You nodded in acknowledgement. “When I got out… there was no clear objective. No structure.” His voice stayed even, but quieter. “It was just… a lot of noise.”
He stared at the taillights in front of him, lost for a moment.
His smile had been wrong for days when he got out. Everything seemed like too much or not enough. And the world didn’t slow down just because people couldn’t keep up.
“I had my friends. My sister. I wasn’t alone,” he said like it mattered because it did. Not everyone had that support. “But it still felt like I was supposed to be doing something… and I didn’t know what that was.”
You didn’t interrupt or rush him, so he continued.
“But this?” He gestured around the cab. “It gave me something again.”
A sense of purpose. A mission.
“I have an objective… orders,” he explained, tapping the dashboard. “I pick a passenger up and I get them from point A to point B. That’s the job.”
You nodded slowly. “That makes sense.”
“And how I get you there? That’s on me.” He tapped his chest. “If the weather’s bad, I take it into account. If there’s awful traffic, I adjust. If my usual route is blocked, I find another way.”
“So, it gives you a sense of control,” you mused. “You know what you have to do, but you choose how you execute it.”
He nodded. You seemed to understand. Not everyone did.
“It’s simple in a good way. Discipline and structure with adaptability.” He ran a hand along the wheel, smiling to himself. “I know what I’m supposed to do. I know I can do it well.”
He glanced at you in the mirror, vulnerability shining in his eyes.
“And at the end of the ride… I get someone where they need to go. Safely.”
He paused, the sounds of honking horns and engines surrounding him. It was strangely comforting. But the most comforting thing was your presence and tender expression.
“And sometimes… that’s enough,” he finished.
“It is. It matters,” you insisted, gently but firmly. “More than you think.”
You make me feel like I matter.
“I do my best.” The words came out nonchalantly but he meant it. “I can’t control what others do when they’re on the road, just like they can’t control me. But if something does happen, I fix it.”
Your expression shifted. “And if there’s a time that you can’t fix it? You can’t control what’s happening?”
Bucky stilled before he realized it. That didn’t sound like you were talking about driving. He had a good read on people, but he couldn’t read between the lines of this. Couldn’t figure out why you were asking that.
What needs fixing?
“I just keep driving,” he finally answered. “Like Steve always says… We have to move forward.”
You shifted in your seat. “I guess it’s all we can do,” you said more to yourself than him. “And for what it’s worth, you really are doing a great job,” you added.
He inhaled sharply. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. You help people every time you drive. You don’t just drive well. You do it safely, like you said,” you pointed out, giving him a small smile. “I always feel safe when I’m with you.”
Those words landed in the middle of his doubt in himself, threatening to tear it apart. There was trust within your compliment. It was pure in an impure world.
“Good.” He had to swallow to keep his voice steady. “I’m glad you feel that way.”
You smiled again, but it didn’t reach your eyes.
His chest ached. Every smile seemed to take more effort than it should, like you were chipping away little pieces of yourself. He hated that.
He hated that he couldn’t shoulder the weight still pushing you down, even just a little.
“Here we are,” he said once he stopped, quieter than before.
“Thanks, Buck,” you said, handing over a protein bar with the cash. “And I’m sorry if I made you think that you upset me.”
“Don’t apologize,” he said quickly, turning around as best as he could so he could see you. “You don’t have to do that with me.”
There was no reason for you to apologize when he was the one overthinking.
“But are you sure you’re alright?” he asked, searching your face for the answer your lips may not say.
Lean on me if you aren’t.
Something passed in your eyes and then it was gone. “I will be,” you assured him.
His stomach dropped when you took the blanket with you, like you forgot you were holding it. You clutched it like a lifeline as you walked away from the cab. He watched you go, reaching for the door handle. You disappeared into the building before he could follow, which he had never done before.
You weren’t okay.
For the first time since he met you, he had no idea how to fix it.
But something told him he was about to find out.
By the time he came back, he was tense. He told himself you just needed time with your family tonight. That whatever was on your mind eased with some laughter and familiar warmth.
It had to have helped.
…Right?
His heart didn’t sink when he saw you.
It cracked.
You had the blanket around your shoulders, trying to hold yourself together as you put one foot in front of the other. The look of sadness on your face wasn’t fleeting or light. It was the kind that settled in your bones.
What the hell happened?
You forced a smile when you met his eye and it twisted something inside him painfully.
Don’t do that. Please, don’t do that.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” you replied, your voice thin.
He didn’t drive off right away, giving you a moment to get your bearings.
But you didn’t.
You didn’t slip your shoes off or tuck yourself in. The blanket stayed around your shoulders like an afterthought. Your breaths were too measured. Too careful.
He held the wheel so tight that his fingers ached.
You were a heartbeat away from unraveling.
“Ready?”
“Yeah.”
The city bustled around like normal, but nothing inside the cab felt the same.
The air felt even heavier than earlier. The silence was too loud.. Louder than any word you ever spoke.
And you simply stared ahead like you were bracing yourself for impact.
His teeth snapped together, trying hard to keep himself in check. His job was to get you home safely. If you wanted to confide in him, he’d listen. But you didn’t have to lean on him. He was just…
Your breath hitched on the next turn.
He made it three more blocks before he couldn’t take it anymore.
Fuck this. I’m not just your driver.
He switched lanes and turned down a road he had never taken on your route before. It was familiar to him, of course. Away from some of the noise. It had a soothing view, too.
Exhaling through his nose, he stopped the car and turned to look at you.
He recognized pain when he saw it. Had lived through it. He couldn’t recall ever seeing you look so fragile.
It’s okay to break with me.
“Hey,” he said carefully because you needed something gentle. “I know you said you’ll be alright… but you’re not.”
“I will be,” you said quickly, your lower lip trembling. “I have to be.”
“Hey…” he whispered again.
You don’t need to be strong tonight.
You shook your head automatically, your next breath shaky. “I don’t want to dump this on you.”
“You’re not dumping anything on me,” he promised, needing you to believe him. “You’re hurting.”
Your eyes filled and you tried to blink the moisture away.
He didn’t think when he got out of the cab, his body moving on instinct at the sight of your tears. He got in the back with you, leaving you enough space so you wouldn’t feel cornered. His hands rested on his knees, making sure not to touch you since he didn’t know if that would help or make things worse.
But he wanted to be there for you.
“Please, let me help,” he begged, his voice thick. “Even just a little.”
That did it.
A sob burst from your chest, your hand coming up to cover your mouth and failing to keep it in.
His heart stopped, his fingers curling to hold himself back from hauling you into his arms.
You hastily wiped your tears away that fell, like it would hide them. Your shoulders shook the more you tried to hold them in. Another broken sound escaped, the threads inside you slowly pulling apart.
“He’s sick,” you whimpered. “My brother…”
Your words were like a punch to the gut.
Oh, no…
“He has been for a while. They thought he was getting better, but the last couple of weeks have been bad,” you admitted, your face crumbling. “He barely made it through dinner tonight before he had to lay down.”
His jaw tightened in that helpless way when grief felt too close and overpowering.
“And the kids… They don’t get why their dad is so tired or why their mom looks so sad when she thinks no one’s looking.” You hiccuped, the sound raw. “And I’m trying to help when I can. I’m trying to be strong for everyone, but I’m scared and… I can’t fix this.”
His throat went tight.
“And if there’s a time that you can’t fix it? You can’t control what’s happening?”
It all made sense now.
The nights where you looked a little worn down. Your smiles that didn’t reach your eyes. Your light dimming. The talk earlier tonight.
While he had been overanalyzing his interactions with you, you were carrying this.
Alone.
And he couldn’t fix it for you.
“I help cook, clean, make the kids smile, but I don’t know what to do anymore,” you whimpered, looking at him with teary eyes. “It hurt for me to smile tonight.”
Trying to smile through pain was one of the hardest things a person could do.
“I’ve been holding this in and I… can’t anymore.”
Bucky couldn’t keep staying behind the line he drew.
Not anymore.
His arms went around you without another thought, strong and steady, pulling you in like it was the most natural thing in the world. You clung to him, your fingers curling in his shirt as you sobbed painfully into his neck. He closed his eyes, willing whatever being was watching over them to feed some of your pain into him.
Don’t do this to her. Give it to me. I can take it.
“I’ve got you,” he murmured, cradling the back of your head as your cries continued. “I’ve got you.”
He didn’t say it was okay because it wasn’t. But he was there. Solid and real. Nothing else mattered except you.
“He’s my big brother. He’s a good guy. He’s supposed to be okay,” you choked out between sobs. “But he isn’t, and I can’t make it any better.”
He pressed his cheek to your temple. He knew how afraid Becca had been when he served and how relieved she was when he came back. If he were to get sick now… If anything happened to him…
“You just need to love him,” he whispered against your ear. “And you do. You have such a big heart.”
You cried harder, making him hold you closer.
“Just let it out,” he urged, rubbing your shaking back.
Minutes passed before your cries eventually slowed to small sniffles. Your body slumped against his, the tears wearing you out. And he held you through it all, letting you feel his warmth and comfort.
You lifted your head slowly, your cheeks wet. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
“Don’t you dare apologize for that,” he said, wiping a stray tear away with his thumb. “Sometimes saying it out loud makes it more real and it opens up the floodgates before you’re ready.”
Like me being a coward about my feelings for you.
You leaned into his touch briefly. “I didn’t want to be a burden,” you said, your voice wrecked.
“You’re not.” He pulled back enough to really look at you. “You never could be.”
You searched his face, your lip trembling again. “Am I doing enough?”
Your grief already cut open his heart, but your question made him feel the blade all over again.
“You’re doing more than enough. You’re showing up for everyone. That matters,” he swore to you, echoing some of your earlier words as he held you tighter. “More than you know.”
Your eyes shimmered again, but the tears didn’t fall.
“And you can lean on me whenever you need to,” he added, giving you a tender smile. “You don’t have to do this alone.”
You smiled back faintly. “Thanks, Buck.”
“Yeah,” he whispered. “Anytime.”
You let go of his shirt, but didn’t make an effort to move out of his arms. He didn’t move either, taking a second to breathe with you and memorize how it felt to hold you. He’d keep you in his embrace all night if he could.
“Can I just...” You glanced down, your fingers absentmindedly tracing a pattern on your thigh. “Can I say something?”
“Anything,” he answered, adjusting the blanket around your shoulders.
Say whatever you need to. I got you.
“Seeing you… talking to you,” you began. “I always look forward to it.”
You lifted your gaze, somehow more exposed and vulnerable than your earlier tears.
“It’s the best part of my week,” you admitted.
Bucky froze completely.
You exhaled shakily, like you said too much.
“I didn’t want to fall apart in front of you,” you went on while his brain was scrambling to catch up. “But everything felt heavy and I just… I felt safe enough that I could. So… thank you. For that.”
He didn’t speak. He couldn’t. Your words flowed through him, filing every crack he couldn’t seal shut himself.
I’m the best part of your week?
Not work, your friends, or even your family?
Me?
Since the beginning, he told himself to stay in his lane and keep things simple. To be professional. Driver and passenger. That was it.
But you were here in his arms, trusting him enough with something so raw and admitting that he was the one thing that made your week a little lighter.
Him.
And he was still acting as if there was a line he shouldn’t cross?
His thumb brushed your shoulder. You looked to him for comfort tonight. You needed him in a way.
Maybe you wanted him, too.
If that were true, what the hell was he waiting for?
Don’t rush her. Don’t make this about me.
“I appreciate you telling me that,” he whispered once he found his voice. “Let’s get you home, okay?”
You nodded, your energy spent as you shifted from his hold. He felt the loss immediately, the cab feeling colder. But he didn’t linger, as much as he wanted to.
He moved back to the driver seat grudgingly and started the engine.
You weren’t too far from your place, but he drove a bit slower and checked the mirror more than he needed to. You had your legs curled up now, your eyes heavy but open. Not distant or shut down. Just tired.
You had a good reason to feel tired.
But you also gave him a smile when you caught him looking the last time. A small, real one. Because you felt safe.
You’re safe with me.
The lights didn’t seem as harsh when he turned onto your street. The breeze wasn’t as strong. The world seemed to realize you needed little wins after breaking down.
Neither of you moved right away when he parked.
“Hey.” He turned slightly in his seat, your expression glassy but more clear when you handed him the money. “I’m gonna walk you to your building tonight.”
It wasn’t a question or suggestion.
Should’ve been doing that since the first night.
“I’d like that,” you uttered.
“And you can take the blanket,” he offered when you started to fold it. “If you want.”
“Really?” Your eyes widened in realization. “Oh, my God. I took it with me earlier. I’m so sorry.”
Bucky had to smile at the way you looked genuinely distressed, like you had done something unforgivable.
“It’s okay,” he said gently. “You had a lot on your mind.”
You hesitated, but didn’t set it down. “Are you sure I can take it with me?”
“Yeah.” His gaze softened. “I put it back there so you’d be comfortable, and it kinda defeats the purpose if you don’t use it.”
He wouldn’t be there to hold you tonight if you cried again, so the blanket would have to do. It was a small piece of comfort. A small piece of him.
Warmth filled your eyes. “Thank you.”
“Anytime,” he replied, meaning it in more ways than one.
He stepped out first, going to your door to open it. He didn’t rush you as you gathered your things, letting you go at your pace. He understood how the body lagged sometimes after everything spilled over.
And his hand was already outstretched to help you out if you wanted it.
You took it.
Instead of the usual spark when your fingers touched, something steadier and grounding moved between you both.
It felt like your hand belonged with his.
It feels right.
He helped you out and fell in step beside you, matching your pace without thinking. Your thumb brushed his skin, making his grip tighten a fraction when he glanced at you. Faint exhaustion lingered in your body, but you weren’t as tense. Your breathing had evened out.
The hurt was still there, but you were safe.
You made it to the door, the light above it casting a glow over you, but you didn’t reach for the handle or let go of his hand.
The soft good nights usually happened at the car, but not tonight.
“Thank you for tonight,” you said above a whisper.
He nodded, everything from the last few weeks pressing into his mind.
Sam on one shoulder. “Be a man and get her number.
Steve on the other. “You’re allowed to want something.”
The teasing. The smiles. The protein bars. The card your niece and nephew made. The movie list.
How you quietly gave him your number. The careful texts. The deeper talks.
The way you trusted him and broke in his arms tonight.
The way you said he’s the best part of your week.
The way he was done pretending that there wasn’t something there between you.
Time to erase the line for good.
He kept your hand in his, refusing to retreat into neutral territory. “I, uh…” He rubbed the back of his neck and exhaled. “I was thinking.”
You gazed at him expectantly.
“I know things are… a lot right now,” he said, trying to be careful and not add pressure when you had so much on your mind. “With your brother and everything.”
Your grip tightened on the blanket, but you nodded for him to continue.
“And I’m not trying to…” He huffed a little, almost frustrated with himself. “I’m not trying to make things harder for you.”
That was the last thing he wanted to do.
“You’re not,” you said, stepping closer. “You never could.”
That gave him just enough courage to keep going, taking one last deep breath.
Just say it.
“I just… I don’t want to keep pretending that I’m just your cab driver anymore. Not after tonight,” he said, his forehead almost touching yours. “Because you’re the best part of my week, too.”
Your breath caught enough that he felt it.
“So. When things feel less heavy, or you just need a break…” His heart was pounding now. “Would you like to have dinner with me?”
He didn’t breathe as the question hung in the air.
Opening up and asking you out wasn’t going to magically erase the pain or worry you felt. It wouldn’t fix what was happening with your brother. But you didn’t need to go it alone.
You stared at him, almost like you were afraid he’d take the offer back. “Dinner?” you echoed.
“Yeah. Dinner. With me,” he said, his voice low. “No meter running or route. Just… us.”
Just the two of you enjoying each other’s company.
“Because I want to see you outside of the cab.” His thumb brushed your knuckles. “I want to critique movies and books with you and eat pizza or noodles or brinner and just talk. I want Al to finally see my favorite passenger in person.”
A small laugh escaped you, the sound like sunlight appearing after a storm.
“But only if you want, and only when you’re ready.”
You stared at him for a long moment before you smiled, one that reached your eyes for the first time tonight.
“I’d like that,” you said
The rush of relief hit him so fast it almost made him lightheaded. You wanted to have dinner with him. You wanted to see him outside of the weekly routine.
“Yeah?” he asked, just to be sure.
“Yeah,” you replied, tender and certain. “Is… tomorrow too soon?”
Bucky blinked, genuinely thinking he misheard you.
Tomorrow?
His heart stuttered. He expected an offer to check your schedule or something weeks down the line. But not this.
“Tomorrow?” he repeated breathlessly.
You nodded, a tad shy. “Yeah. I mean, if you’re free… and it’s not too fast or anything?”
Too fast?
I’ve been waiting fifteen Thursdays now for this.
“It’s not too fast.” He shook his head, a faint, disbelieving smile tugging at his lips. “It’s actually kinda perfect.”
“It is?”
“It is,” he said, more certain. “Tomorrow’s great.”
Tomorrow meant you wanted this. Not just someday down the line, but now. Even with everything going on.
“We can keep it easy,” he said, his thumb moving over your knuckles again. “Whatever you’re up for.”
“Movie?” you suggested, a small hint of your usual warmth slipping back in. “And noodles?”
He laughed. “Number seven?”
“Number seven,” you confirmed, your smile widening.
“Alright. Noodles and a movie at my place.”
“It’s a date,” you whispered.
A date.
You were still standing close. Close enough that if he leaned in just a fraction… God, he wanted to kiss you. More than anything.
The two of you took an important step. He finally stopped being a coward. You didn’t hold everything in.
But he didn’t kiss you.
Tonight wasn’t about that.
His forehead, however, did intentionally brush yours this time.
“I’ll text you,” he murmured.
“I’ll be waiting.”
And I’ll be counting down the minutes.
You squeezed his hand before finally stepping back, his blanket tucked against your chest. “Good night, Buck.”
He memorized the way you gazed at him, basking in that glow. “Good night.”
You slipped inside, the door clicking shut behind you. There was no drop in his stomach. No nerves.
He didn’t have to wait for another Thursday to see you again.
He finally turned back toward the cab, running a hand through his hair like he was trying to physically process what just happened.
Dinner and a movie.
You wanted to spend time with him.
“Jesus,” he muttered happily under his breath as he slid back into the driver’s seat.
His gaze drifted to the backseat, landing on the empty space where you had been curled up just minutes ago, his blanket wrapped around you, trusting him with something rough and fragile.
When he picked you up tomorrow, you could sit in the front beside him.
His phone buzzed, his heart picking up before he even saw your message.
Of course, it was you.
MFP: “Curled up on the couch with your blanket. Thanks again. For everything.”
It gave him peace of mind knowing you made it into your place safe and sound since he only walked you to the building door.
“Thanks for letting me help.”
He made a difference tonight.
He almost set the phone down when another message popped up.
MFP: “My brother was awake when I reached out.”
He held his breath. Was he okay? Did something happen?
“Yeah?”
Three dots appeared long enough that he sat up straighter.
MFP: “I told him we’re having dinner tomorrow, and he said he’s looking forward to meeting the guy who keeps me safe every week.”
He reread the message until the screen went dark.
Your brother, the one you were terrified for, wanted to meet him.
Becca would want to meet you.
He rubbed a hand over his mouth, trying to ground himself. Something earnest and dangerously close to overwhelming spread from his chest, the card on the dashboard staring at him. It brought a smile to his face.
“I’d be honored to meet him. I’ll have to make a good first impression.”
As a big brother, Bucky sensed and respected that he would be a bit protective of you.
MFP: “You already have.”
The additional layer of assurance did wonders.
MFP: “Get some rest tonight, okay? Happy Friday Eve.”
There it was.
Soft, familiar, and you.
“You, too. And it’s Friday Junior.”
MFP: “Same thing. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow,” he whispered, happiness filling him to the point where he thought he’d float away.
He shot off a quick message to the guys and Becca. “Got a date tomorrow night. I’ll let you know how it goes.”
With a smile, he put the phone away. He could already see Sam losing his mind and Steve would try and fail to act subtle about it. Becca would demand every detail after. He’d wait until later to see and hear their stunned reactions.
For now, he was going to drive and get a few more people where they needed to go.
But not before taking one last look at your building and picturing you curled up with his blanket.
Fifteen Thursdays.
Fifteen weeks of watching you slip into his cab with tired eyes, soft smiles, and sweetness that made a difference in his day. Fifteen weeks of falling for you in steady increments. Fifteen weeks of chances he almost let slip by because it took him some time to feel brave.
And tonight he erased the line he drew in the sand for good because you mattered more.
You let him see you and it was a beautiful thing.
“Tomorrow,” he said again like a promise, starting the car and pulling away from the curb.
Tomorrow there wouldn’t be a meter running or rearview mirror glances. No pretending it was just another ride. It would just be you and him.
He was counting down the minutes.
And for once, he didn’t feel like he needed to second guess any of it.
Whew! Did we make it? This isn't the end for these two. It's very much a beginning. Would love to hear your thoughts!
Love and thanks for reading! ❤️
Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi
ᴛʜᴇ ᴡɪɴᴛᴇʀ ʜᴜɴᴛꜱᴍᴀɴ
ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ › you were never meant to survive. hidden for years in a quiet village at the edge of the northern woods, you grow up believing you are ordinary—until the queen who destroyed your kingdom learns the truth. your scent carries old magic. your blood can command loyalty. and there is a prophecy that says you will be the end of her reign.
ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ › alpha!hunter!bucky x omega!princess!reader ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ › 18+ MDNI, alternate universe - werewolf au, a/b/o dynamics, loosely inspired by 2012 film snow white and the huntsman, depictions of blood & violence, mentions of war/war trauma, lowk kidnapping at first, mind control, sorcery & blood magic, semi enemies to lovers, semi slow burn, forced proximity, beefy bucky, bucky is only referred to as james, true loves kiss, flirting & light banter, fated mates, eventual fluff, nesting, marking/biting, smut, p in v, virginity loss (not really mentioned tho), unprotected sex, pheromones/scent kink?, breeding, talk of pregnancy, happily ever after, not beta read we die like men. ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ › 22.4k
ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀꜱ ɴᴏᴛᴇ › junie of house jonesin actually posting a fic??? is this a prank cut the cameras... on some real shit this fic took a lot out of my but im glad i finished it, i think this is my new baby... ALSO i had to wiggle worm my way around the 1000 block limit so if some paragraphs seem super long thats why im sorry i hate it but im not breaking this up into two parts LOL id rather die. as always thank you for reading and bearing with me through all my bs <3
Once upon a time,
Beneath the boughs where shadows creep, The lost-born heir in silence she sleeps. An omega child with ancient breath, Will rise again from hidden death.
Her scent will stir both fang and flame, And every pack will know her name. The wolves will bow, the ravens sing, For blood remembers its true king.
The crown once stolen, stained in red, Will crack beneath the sorceress queen’s dark tread. Her gilded halls will turn to dust, Her throne undone by greed and lust.
For when the moon burns silver bright, The hidden rose will claim her right. Old kingdoms broken, torn apart, Will mend beneath her beating heart.
You'll always remember how much your mother loved the gardens most in winter.
She said it was the only season that told the truth, that spring was too eager, summer too full of itself. Autumn too beautiful in the way beautiful things often are right before they die. But winter was honest, winter stripped everything bare.
Winter in the northern kingdom settled so heavily that even the castle seemed quieter beneath it. Snow covered the gardens in soft white drifts as frost climbed the windows in delicate patterns. The world beyond the walls looked pale and sleeping, wrapped in cold and stillness.
She stood in the snow with a fur cloak wrapped around her shoulders and her gloved hands tucked beneath her sleeves, walking slowly through the sleeping garden while servants followed several steps behind.
Your father watched her from the stone archway always with that look in his eyes, their color bright despite the clouded dim sky, like the world had become something softer the moment she stepped into it. At the center of the garden, tangled among frost-bitten vines, a single rose had bloomed.
Bright red against the snow.
Your mother stopped. The petals looked impossibly alive beneath the gray winter sky, soft and crimson and stubborn. She reached for it without thinking an the thorn pricked her finger. A sharp little breath left her as she pulled her hand back leaving three drops of blood to fall onto the snow.
You would always be told that was the moment everything began.
By the next winter, you were born. You grew up in warmth, but not because the kingdom was gentle, it wasn't. Winters were harsh in the north and the people were proud and loud and quick to fight. But you were loved.
You knew that even before you knew the words for it.
You knew it in the way your mother tucked blankets around you herself instead of leaving it to servants. In the way your father carried you through the halls when you were too sleepy to walk. In the way the castle dogs followed you everywhere, tails wagging wildly whenever you laughed.
You knew it in the gardens.
You spent most of your early childhood there.
Among roses and ivy and lavender bushes, with dirt beneath your nails and flower petals tangled in your hair. The gardeners adored you because nothing ever died around you. Flowers bloomed brighter where you stepped, wilted things straightened when you touched them.
The older servants would exchange glances when they thought no one was looking.
Magic, they whispered. The prophecy fufilled in flesh.
Your mother only smiled when she heard them.
"You were born from winter and roses," she would tell you while brushing your hair before bed. "Of course the world listens when you speak to it."
You grew up with nine springs of love. Nine summers of warm woven winds that howled against your windows, nine autumns of falling leaves that crunched under your boots. The morning of the winter solstice, your birthday, was the last day of peace.
By the time the sun had crested over the horizon, the sky turned black.
You remember standing at the nursery window in your nightgown, one hand still clutching the red ribbon your mother had tied into your braid the night before, watching smoke rise in the distance beyond the mountains. At first, no one understood what they were seeing, then the bells began. Servants rushed through the halls. Guards flooded the courtyards below in steel and furs. Somewhere deep in the castle, someone shouted for the king.
Your mother swept into your room moments later, pale-faced and breathless. She pulled a heavy cloak around your shoulders with shaking hands.
"What's happening?" you asked.
She cupped your face.
"I need you to be very brave for me."
You still remembered the way her fingers trembled as she took you down to the tunnels for safety, and the sound of the army reaching the outer gates. Glass soldiers, they said. Black and gleaming and terrible, moving like shadows over the snow. They poured through the lower villages first, leaving smoke and blood behind them. By the time they reached the castle, the world outside the walls was burning.
Your father rode out to meet them. You remember the roar of the gates opening, the thunder of horses, the smell of smoke drifting through the windows. Hours later, he returned.
Victorious, they said.
But not alone. There was a woman with him. Beautiful in the sort of way storms were beautiful, dangerous and eerie. Dark hair spilling down her back, pale skin untouched by cold, a white gown that looked too clean amidst all the blood and ash. She stood beside your father like she had always belonged there and your father looked at her as if the entire world had narrowed to only her.
Your mother knew immediately, could see something that most could not, could feel the sorcery that lingered around her in the air. You remember the look on her face when she saw the woman step into the ashen dimmed light. The woman called herself a queen from the southern kingdoms. Claimed her lands had been destroyed by the same army that had attacked yours. Claimed she had nowhere left to go.
Your father believed her and by dusk she was sitting beside him at dinner.
By nightfall, he had agreed to help her retaliate against the army that had crushed her kingdom. There was something glassy in his eyes, something smooth and too sinister to name. Your mother tried to stop it, tried to snap him out of the dark green glow that glossed over his eyes.
Everything moved too fast after that.
You remember waking to shouting somewhere beyond your chambers, doors slamming, footsteps running down stone halls. Then silence, heavy and wrong, lingering in the halls. Your nurse came for you past midnight. She wrapped you in blankets and carried you through dark servant passages beneath the castle, one hand pressed over your mouth to keep you quiet.
"Where's my mother?" you kept asking.
She never answered, only held you tighter as you ran. The castle sounded different when the moon lit the night sky, stars shining down. You could hear screaming above you, the crash of glass, the sharp clang of steel against steel. Somewhere, a man was begging for mercy.
Then you reached the hidden passage behind the kitchens and saw blood smeared across the stone floor. Your nurse stopped so suddenly you nearly fell from her arms. There your mother lay, glass shatters of a sword scattered around her. Your mind, as young as it was could still fill in the blanks for you. She ran. She fought. She died. You remember the pale blue of her dress first, then the blood, so much blood. Her eyes were closed, her dark hair spread around her like spilled ink. One of her hands still stretched toward the doorway you stood in, as though she had been trying to reach you.
Your nurse pulled you against her chest before you could see more, but it was too late. You saw enough.
You do not remember much after that, only pieces. Running through smoke-filled hallways, the castle burning, a loyal guard shoving a sword into your nurse's hands. The sound of the new sorceress queen's voice echoed through the halls, calm and cold and terrible.
"Find the girl!"
You made it as far as the stables to people waiting for you there. Men and women loyal to your mother, already bloodied from fighting. One of them lifted you onto a horse while another tied a cloak around your shoulders. Your nurse climbed up behind you. She was crying. You had never seen her cry before, it pricked hot tears at your waterline. As the horse started forward, she pressed her lips to your temple.
"You must listen to me," she whispered. "You cannot go back. Do you understand? You cannot ever let her find you."
You were crying too hard to answer. Soon the forest blurred in front of you as the horse raced through the snow. Behind you, the castle disappeared beneath smoke.
"Your mother knew," your nurse said, voice shaking. "She knew what you were. What you would become. She thought you would have more time."
You turned around toward her.
"What am I?"
She looked at you with tears streaming down her face.
"There is a prophecy," she whispered. "About the daughter born from winter and roses. About the omega princess who will rise again and—"
An arrow cut through the air with a silent hiss, cutting through the tip of your ear and buried itself in her throat. You screamed, your throat catching on a sound you'd never heard yourself make before, a sound that felt farm from human. Pain bloomed at your ear as hot blood began to trickle down, though you couldn't feel it. You couldn't feel anything. Her body jerked backward, blood spilling down the front of her dress and the horse reared you both off.
You hit the ground hard and for a moment, the world became nothing but snow and pain and the taste of blood in your mouth. When your head cleared you looked up to see a figure stood at the edge of the trees, tall and dressed all in black and still as the wind. A boy, not much older than a teenager with dark hair and a bow still raised in his hands. There was blood splattered across his cheek. And around his neck, something black glinted beneath the collar of his coat. He stared at you for one long moment, then someone shouted his name from deeper in the trees. He looked away. Only for a second.
But when he looked back, you were already running.
You ran until your legs gave out. Then you walked. Then you hid. And after a while, you learned how to disappear.
At first, it was easy enough. You were small. Young. Easy to overlook in the chaos left behind by the evil queen's rise to power. Villages burned every week, families were scattered, children lost their parents and never found them again. You just became one more frightened face among hundreds.
You stopped telling people your real name. Stopped saying where you came from. When people asked, you lied, you said your parents had died in a fever, said you had come from some village too far south for anyone to question. You said you were looking for work, for family, for anything.
Sometimes people believed you. Sometimes they didn't. But no one looked too closely at a ragged little girl with dirty hands and hollow cheeks. You learned quickly which villages were safe, which roads to avoid. Which people might offer you soup and which might sell you for coin if you looked at them too long. You learned how to sleep in haylofts and abandoned sheds. How to wrap your feet in cloth when your shoes wore through. How to steal apples without being caught and how to keep walking even when your stomach hurt so badly it felt like something inside you was eating itself.
The years blurred together after that. Summer heat. Winter cold. Autumn breeze. Faces you forgot almost as soon as you left them behind. You grew taller, hair darkened, eyes wider and alert. Your scent changed with age, becoming softer and deeper all at once. Richer in a way you did not understand but knew enough to hide.
People noticed you more as you got older. Alphas especially. You learned to keep your head down, to avoid looking anyone in the eye for too long, to never stay anywhere longer than a few weeks. But loneliness has a way of making people reckless.
You were fifteen the first time you reached the village at the edge of the northern woods. It was small and quiet. Tucked so deeply between the trees and mountains that it almost felt hidden from the rest of the world. You told yourself you would only stay for the night. Maybe two. Long enough to rest your feet and warm your hands and steal enough food to survive the next stretch of road.
You had not eaten in almost two days when you saw the bread. Fresh from the oven, still steaming in a basket outside the bakery window. You remember standing there in the cold, staring at it, at the golden crust, at the curls of steam rising into the winter air. Your stomach hurt so badly you thought you might cry.
You looked around once, no one was there, so you reached for it. Your fingers had barely closed around the bread roll before a voice snapped behind you.
"And what exactly do you think you're doing?"
You jumped so badly you nearly dropped it. An older woman stood in the bakery doorway, arms crossed tightly over her chest. She was broad-shouldered and flour-dusted, with silver threaded through dark hair and the kind of face that looked permanently unimpressed by everything around her.
You immediately shoved the bread back into the basket.
"I-I'm sorry."
"Sorry?" she repeated sharply. "You steal from me and your answer is sorry?"
Your face burned.
"I'm sorry," you said again, more quickly this time. "I didn't mean—I mean, I did mean to, but I wouldn't have if I had money and—"
"That is usually how stealing works."
You swallowed hard, your hands twisted together in front of you. Then, before you could think too hard about it, you dropped to your knees in the snow and bowed your head all the way to the ground. The movement was pure instinct, something buried so deep inside you that it happened before you could stop it. Your scent betrays you. It had been soft before, something steady and almost forgettable in its gentleness. But now it twists, curling into the air around you shifting into something like burnt sugar, bitter at the edges, like something left too long on the flame. Cinnamon, once warm, now biting—spiced too sharply, clinging instead of comforting.
It thickens with your fear, wraps around you, gives you away.
"I'm sorry." Your voice was muffled by the ground but it was shaking still. It was met with silence, only the brief wind through the bare trees could be heard. Slowly, you lifted your head. The woman's expression had changed, only slightly, but enough. Because now she was not looking at you like a thief. She was looking at you like she had just found something she was not supposed to.
You scrambled back to your feet immediately.
"I can go," you said too quickly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"
"How old are you?"
You blinked.
"What?"
"How old are you?" she repeated.
You hesitated.
"Fifteen."
She studied you for another long moment. Your torn cloak. Your worn shoes. The way you were trying not to shake in the cold. Then she sighed heavily through her nose.
"Get inside."
You froze.
"What?"
"You stole from me," she said, already turning back toward the bakery. "Which means you owe me. You're going to work it off."
You stared at her.
"You mean... work here?"
"If you want somewhere warm to sleep tonight."
You followed her inside before she could change her mind.
The bakery was small. Warm in the way only bakeries could be. Everything smelled like flour and cinnamon and rising dough. There was a fire crackling in the back room and blankets folded neatly in one corner beside an old rocking chair. You nearly cried from relief the moment the heat touched your skin.
The woman shoved an apron into your hands.
"You can start by cleaning."
You worked until your hands ached. Sweeping floors, washing trays, carrying sacks of flour twice your size from the storage room. By the end of the night, your hair was dusted white and your arms trembled from exhaustion. The woman handed you a bowl of stew and half a loaf of bread. You ate it so quickly you barely remembered to breathe. She watched you the entire time, not suspiciously just with a careful eye, like she was looking for something that was already there and had hidden itself beneath the surface.
Later, after the bakery had closed and you had nearly fallen asleep sitting upright in your chair, she brought you a blanket.
"You can sleep by the fire."
You looked up at her.
"Thank you."
She grunted and you stayed the night. Then another. Then another after that.
You learned how to knead dough and braid loaves and wake before sunrise to light the ovens. The woman—Helena, she eventually told you to call her—scolded you constantly and fed you even more constantly. The bakery became something steady, something safe. And for the first time in years, you stopped running. Helena knew who you were almost immediately, not because of your face. Faces changed, time changed people. But scents did not lie. You smelled like old magic and winter roses and royal blood.
She never said it out loud.
Not for a long time.
But sometimes you would catch her watching you when she thought you were not looking. Especially when flowers bloomed too early in the garden out back. Or when birds gathered along the bakery roof in impossible numbers. Or when the old pack markings near the woods warmed beneath your hands.
She knew.
And because she knew, she kept you hidden for as long as she could, but nothing good lasts forever.
The village sat at the edge of the northern woods like it had been forgotten there.
Small and crooked and quiet, with smoke curling from chimneys in soft gray ribbons and fences half-swallowed by ivy, it tucked itself beneath the mountains as though trying not to be noticed. In winter, snow gathered thick on the rooftops and the whole place looked like something painted onto old parchment. In spring, wildflowers pushed through the frost in stubborn little bursts of color, and the river thawed enough to carry birdsong through the trees.
You stayed there almost ten years. Long enough for the bakery to become home. Long enough to stop jumping every time someone knocked at the door. Long enough for the ache in your chest to soften into something you could live around.
Helena never asked too many questions after that first winter. Not about where you had come from. Not about the nightmares that woke you crying or the strange way you looked over your shoulder whenever horses rode through town.
She simply made room for you.
At first, you slept by the fire with old quilts tucked around your shoulders and flour still dusting your hands from the day's work. Later, when you were older and taller and no longer looked half-starved all the time, Helena cleared out the little storage room above the bakery and let you make it your own.
It was small. A narrow bed beneath the window, a wooden dresser with one crooked leg, shelves lined with dried flowers and herbs hanging from the ceiling beams. It was the first room that had ever really belonged to you. Still, there were things you could never fully forget. A heavy fur cloak wrapped around you while someone ran through the snow, the sound of horses, the glint of torchlight between the trees. A woman's voice telling you over and over not to cry. You remembered cold fingers around yours and a lullaby you had never heard sung anywhere in the village, soft and low and old enough to sound like it belonged to another world entirely.
Sometimes, in dreams, you could feel it. An arrow flying through the air, the wind being knocked from your lungs as you hit the ground, a pair of pale eyes watching you from a distance. Helena never liked when you spoke of those memories. She would go quiet after, her mouth pulled thin as thread while she kneaded bread too hard or mended shirts by the fire with shaking hands.
"You were sick as a child," she always said. "Dreams feel real when you're sick."
So eventually, you stopped asking and Helena filled your mind with other things instead.
Small things. Somewhat strange things.
She taught you which herbs to hang above your bed when your heats started getting stronger as you got older. Which roots to boil into tea when your scent felt too rich, too noticeable. She taught you how to braid rosemary and cedar into your hair before going into crowded markets so strangers would smell the herbs before they smelled you.
"Never let people know too much about you," she would say while crushing dried leaves between her fingers. "People fear what they don't understand."
She taught you how to listen to the earth. How the woods grew quieter before a storm. How the birds disappeared when strangers entered the forest. How the roots beneath your feet seemed to pull you away from danger before your mind even understood it was there.
"The land will warn you if you pay attention," Helena told you once while the two of you gathered herbs at the edge of the woods. "The earth remembers things people don't."
You thought she was only being strange but over time, you realized she was right.
Animals trusted you in ways they did not trust anyone else. Birds settled on your windowsill in winter and stayed long after the seed was gone. Stray cats followed you home through the market, deer wandered close enough in the woods for you to touch the velvet of their noses.
Even the wolves never frightened you.
You saw them sometimes between the trees at dusk. Great hulking things with silver eyes reflecting the last of the daylight. They watched you quietly, never crossing the line where the woods met the village, waiting as if they knew you.
Then there were the flowers. You tried not to think too hard about that part but it was difficult not to when half the village had seen it happen. You would wake sad and find the flowers outside your window bent low toward the earth, their petals browned at the edges as though touched by frost. Other days, when you laughed hard enough to make your stomach ache, little white blossoms pushed up through cracks in the ground by evening.
Once, after Helena surprised you with a cake on your seventeenth birthday, flowers bloomed all the way down the path behind you. Neither of you spoke about it, but later that night, you found Helena sitting alone at the kitchen table long after the bakery had closed, staring into the fire with tears in her eyes.
The village talked anyway. The older villagers made signs against bad luck when you passed. Mothers pulled their children a little closer, the pack alphas lowered their heads around you without seeming to realize they were doing it.
And every so often, when they thought you couldn't hear, someone would whisper. Royal blood. Forest-born. Cursed. Blessed.
Helena always pretended not to notice. But sometimes, late at night when the fire had burned low and rain tapped softly against the bakery windows, she would tell you stories. Stories about the old kingdoms, about the northern prince whose land had burned beneath black magic and snow. About the lost princess hidden somewhere beyond the mountains.
"The stories say they'll find each other one day," Helena said once while the two of you braided herbs together by candlelight. "The prince and princess of the north."
You smiled faintly.
"And then what?"
Her hands stilled for only a moment.
"Then the evil queen falls," she said quietly. "And the land remembers how to heal again."
You laughed softly, thinking it was only a story.
Helena did not laugh with you.
Far beyond the village, beyond the trees and snow and mountains, the evil queen listened.
Not with her ears.
With the kind of attention that had kept her alive when kingdoms burned and men twice her size tried to break her. With the kind of patience that let whispers travel for months, years, until they finally reached her. An omega in the north. A girl with a scent that lingered too long in the air. Flowers blooming out of season. Animals gathering where they should not. The queen sat very still on her throne as the reports were read aloud. She had spent years erasing the old world. Every banner burned, every bloodline hunted, every child who looked too much like someone important dragged from hiding before they could grow into something dangerous.
She knew what it meant when something survived anyway, when stories refused to die. And this one had followed her for years. Soft at first, easy to ignore and subdue with the promise of fire and ash. Then louder. Then impossible to silence.
For when the moon burns silver bright, the hidden rose will claim her right. Old kingdoms broken, torn apart, will mend beneath her beating heart.
The queen had heard it whispered in ruined halls, in the mouths of dying women, in the quiet defiance of rebels who thought prophecy made them untouchable. She had killed every one of them and still, the words remained. She wanted to believe you were only useful once dead. A body buried beneath snow, a name erased cleanly enough that no one would dare speak it again. Another loose thread cut before it could unravel the careful order she had built.
But the north had always been stubborn, and so had its magic. The women in her court had warned her of that long ago. Ancient seers from kingdoms of old draped in silk and bone, their fingers heavy with rings, their eyes clouded but never blind. They had stood beside her throne since the beginning, whispering truths she did not always care to hear.
This time, they brought her proof.
A scrap of cloth, worn thin and stolen from a village no one had reason to watch. Still carrying the faintest trace of your scent. A broken necklace, dulled with age, its metal etched with a crest no one living dared claim. A dried flower that should not have existed at all—blooming in winter, found growing where nothing else would take root.
The oldest of them took it in her hands and held it over a bowl of dark water, then the petals bled. Red seeping into black. The room fell silent as the seer stepped back for the queen. The water rippled and warped, splashing up against the edges before falling still. The surface changed and went still as stone, morphing into the color of steel, like a mirror. Two guards dragged the cloth from it at her command, the fabric whispering against stone as it fell away.
For a moment, nothing.
Then the glass shivered. Not visibly, not quite, but something beneath it shifted, like breath beneath skin. The queen rose, each step echoed as she descended from her throne, the sound sharp against the quiet, until she stood before it—close enough that her reflection should have met her.
It didn’t.
Her voice cut through the room, cold and measured.
“Speak.”
The surface of the mirror rippled. Not outward, but inward, as though something behind it leaned closer to listen.
“An omega breathes beyond your reach.”
The queen’s jaw tightened.
“I know that much,” she said. “I asked for truth—not riddles.”
A pause.
“A line once buried has taken root again.”
The air shifted. Behind her, one of the seers made a broken sound in her throat, like she wished she hadn’t heard it. The queen’s eyes flickered just for a second, something older wrinkling across her face before smoothing into her young self again.
“Where?” she demanded.
The mirror did not answer her question.
“The north remembers her.”
The words sank into the stone like rot.
“The forests bend. The wild listens. What was scattered begins to gather.”
The queen’s hand lifted, pressing flat against the glass.
“And can she be killed?”
“Not yet.”
The queen’s eyes darkened, she then leaned closer to the mirror, her voice dropping, sharpening.
“What does she become?”
The glass rippled again, deeper this time. And when it answered, it did not sound like one voice—but many.
“A call.”
The torches flickered.
“A claim.”
The room felt smaller.
“The return of what you tried to end.”
The queen’s reflection fractured just slightly, her face splitting along faint, unseen lines before pulling itself back together. For a moment she said nothing, then her hand dropped from the glass. And when she turned, whatever uncertainty had dared to surface was already gone, buried beneath something colder. Harder.
“Then we do not wait,” she said. Her voice carried, sharp as steel. “We do not allow her heart to race. We make sure it stops before it ever learns how.”
Behind her, the mirror went still again, but the cold it left behind did not fade. The queen turned toward the shadows gathered at the edge of the throne room. Her lips curved slowly because at last, after all these years, the shadow at her back had stepped into the light.
"Bring me my huntsman."
He stepped into the room without a sound. Most people never noticed how large he was at first.
They noticed his eyes instead. Steel blue glinting beneath candlelight holding something close to a fury they've never known, silver scars flecked across his jaw and neck worn with years of violence. They noticed the coldness of him too. The way he stood too still. The way his face gave nothing away.
But the frightening thing about him had never been his size.
It was the emptiness. The sense that whatever part of him had once been human had long since been hollowed out. He wore black leathers darkened by snow and old blood, a fur mantle thrown over broad shoulders, his hair longer than most soldiers allowed, brushing against the edge of his jaw. A jagged scar cut across his face like a crack through stone.
Around his neck, hidden beneath his shirt, rested the talisman. A shard of obsidian wrapped in silver with talons stuck into his skin. The queen's leash.
Once, long ago, before the wars and blood and iron, he had been something else. A prince of the northern kingdom. An alpha born beneath snowfall and pine trees and towering white mountains. A boy with sisters who laughed too loud and a mother who braided charms into his hair before battle practice and a father who called him stubborn with too much pride in his voice.
But that kingdom had burned, his family had died screaming and the queen had found him in the ruins before the wolves could. Young enough to break, old enough to remember just enough for it to hurt. So she took his name first. Then his home. Then every soft thing left inside him until all that remained was the huntsman.
He remembered almost nothing now.
Only flashes of a woman's lullaby, snow crunching beneath boots, the smell of cedar smoke. Sometimes he woke with blood on his hands and grief clawing at the inside of his chest so violently he thought he might die from it. But he never knew why. The talisman made sure of that. When the queen spoke, he obeyed, when she ordered, he carried it out. He had hunted rebels through forests and dragged princes from hidden sanctuaries. He had slaughtered entire packs who refused to kneel. Mothers frightened their children with stories about him.
The queen's beast. The wolf with the fury of the old gods. The huntsman who never lost his prey.
He dropped to one knee before the throne. The queen descended the steps slowly, her dark gown whispering against stone.
"There is a girl in the northern woods."
The queen reached beneath his shirt and wrapped her fingers around the talisman resting against his chest and instantly, his jaw locked. Pain shot through him sharp and immediate, burning through bone and blood alike.
"You will find her," the queen said softly. "You will bring her back. Alive."
His breathing grew heavier. He could feel the magic taking hold already, sliding through his veins like chains.
The queen leaned closer. "Do not let her speak to you too long. Do not let her scent confuse you. Do not forget what you are. Who you belong to."
His eyes lowered. "Yes, my queen."
Far north, beyond the mountains, you sat beside the old stone at the edge of the woods with a basket in your lap and flower stems between your fingers. The wind shifted. The birds went quiet. The woods fall silent so quickly it feels wrong. Then the dogs in the village start barking, your hands still around the basket in your lap. Helena is hanging linens on the line when she looks up toward the trees and goes pale. You have never seen fear move across someone's face so quickly.
"Go," she says, and you just stare at her. "Go now."
The basket slips from your hands when you hear the tremble in her voice. Apples spill through the grass. "What is it?"
But she is already grabbing your shoulders, her fingers digging in hard enough to hurt.
"They found you. Go."
For one terrible second, everything inside you goes still, not because you understand what is happening. But because some deep, hidden part of you always knew this day would come.
You run before you can think about it. Through the back garden first. Past the rows of lavender and rosemary, past the fence your hands helped mend every spring. The hem of your dress catches on the gate latch hard enough to tear, but you keep going.
Behind you, voices rise through the village of men shouting, horses trampling against the cobbled stone. You hear your name once, then again echoing through the trees and you run faster until the woods swallow you whole.
Branches scrape your arms and face as you stumble deeper between the trees, lungs burning, heart pounding so hard you can taste blood at the back of your throat. Snow still lingers in patches beneath the pines, soaking through your shoes.
You don't know where you are going, only away. You make it farther than anyone expects. Farther than you expect. Miles, maybe. Long enough for the village to disappear behind you entirely. Long enough for your breathing to turn ragged and your legs to shake beneath you.
You think—stupidly, desperately—that maybe you've escaped.
Then you hear it.
A horse somewhere behind you. Steady hooves against the soft ground as though whoever rides it already knows you cannot get away. You break into another run yet your foot catches on a root. You hit the ground hard. Something like lightning strikes through your leg and you curl within yourself, biting into your lip to conceal an agonizing scream. Pain shoots through your bones, sharp enough to make hot tears spring to your eyes. Before you can scramble back up, a shadow falls across you.
You look up and there he is.
The huntsman.
He looks worse than the stories. Larger somehow. Broader. The fur over his shoulders is dusted with snow, his dark hair tangled from the wind, jaw shadowed from days without shaving. There is blood on one of his gloves you know is not his.
His face is hard in a way that makes him look carved from winter itself. There is no triumph in him, no cruelty. No satisfaction, only the emptiness that comes with having done this too many times to feel anything at all. That would almost be easier to bear. There is simply... nothing.
Your whole body goes cold because you know him. Not truly or personally, but everyone knows him. The queen's beast. The wolf with the dull eyes and deadly snare. The huntsman who drags people back to the capital in chains and leaves with less than he arrived with.
You push yourself backward through the dirt, leg limp below you.
"Please," you whisper.
He steps closer. You can see the scar across his face now. The line of exhaustion beneath his eyes. The way he moves like something permanently braced for violence.
"Please don't." Panic claws up your throat so fast it makes you dizzy.
He says nothing. His gaze drifts over you once. Torn dress. Mud-stained hands. Your bruised and already swelling leg. The scrape bleeding along your cheek. Then he reaches down, grabs your wrist, and hauls you to your feet.
You cry out at the roughness of it. "Wait—please, please, I didn't do anything—"
A rope appears in his hand, you try to scramble away but your leg can't bear any more weight than a feather and the moment you move his hands dig into your wrists so hard you fear he may snap them.
"Please." He binds your wrists without a word. "No, please—"
Your breath catches when he knots the other end to his belt. Like an animal. You hate yourself for the tears that rise so quickly.
"Please," you say again, voice shaking now. "I can pay you. I can—I don't have much but there are coins hidden beneath the floorboards in the cottage and my necklace and—"
Nothing, he just turns and starts walking. You nearly stumble because of how suddenly the rope jerks taut and cry at the pain that spreads up your leg with every step. He leads you back through the woods to where a small group of soldiers waits with horses.
They stare when they see you, you lower your head instantly. The huntsman unties the rope from his hand and secures it instead to the saddle of his horse. Then he climbs up and you stare at him in disbelief.
"You can't expect me to walk."
He looks down at you. Eyes cold and blank.
"You can walk."
Then he clicks his tongue to the horse and starts forward and you nearly fall over, forcing yourself upright and walking as to not be subjected to the beratment of being dragged behind the horse.
For three days, you limp after him through the woods and over frozen roads, your wrists tied, your ankle growing worse with every mile. You try not to cry though it spills its way over the surface, once or twice, when no one is looking. At night, after the soldiers sleep, you curl on your side and hold your breath against the pain throbbing all the way up your leg. Your ankle swells so badly you can barely fit your shoe back on by morning.
The huntsman never comments on it. He never slows. Never looks back. Only keeps moving, horse plodding steadily onward while you stumble after him through snow and mud and stone.
By the end of third day, your body gives out. You barely make it over a rocky incline before your injured ankle buckles completely beneath you and you hit the ground hard. The rope jerks taut and you can't stop the cry that tears from your throat this time.
One of the soldiers groans. "For fuck's sake."
You stay where you fell, hands pressed into the dirt, chest heaving with tears burning hot behind your eyes. You are so tired. So tired of hurting.
The huntsman's horse stops and for a moment, you think he will force you back to your feet. You anticipate it and slowly push up and your palms.
Instead, there is his voice.
"Make camp."
A few of the soldiers complain, but none of them argue. You don't look at him while they set up camp around you. You don't trust yourself to. As soon as the rope around your wrists is loosened enough to give you a little room, you limp away from the others toward the base of a tree.
You sink down into the roots with shaking hands and pull up the torn hem of your dress. Your ankle is awful, swollen and angry and purple around the edges, even the lightest of touches make you wince under your breath. You know you can't go on like this. You stare at it for a long moment before grabbing two fallen branches from the ground beside you.
You remember seeing the healer in the village do this once so you try to copy her. You break one stick trying to make it fit but the other slips from your hands. You hiss through your teeth and blink hard against the tears suddenly threatening again.
Then a shadow falls over you.
You look up to see the huntsman stands there holding a strip of cloth in one hand and you freeze. Without a word, he crouches in front of you. His hands are rough when he takes your ankle, but not careless.
You suck in a breath at the pain.
"I know," he says flatly.
It is the first thing you hear from him besides curt commands to stop crying or keep up. His voice is low. Rusted from disuse. You hate how relieved you are just to hear it.
You watch his hands as he works.
Large hands. Blood-stained and earth crusted hands. Steady hands.
He places the branches carefully along either side of your ankle before tying them in place with the cloth. Firm enough to keep it from moving, gentle enough that the pressure starts easing the pain almost immediately.
You blink down at it, the relief is so sudden it almost makes you dizzy.
"There," he says.
You look up at him.
"Thank you."
His expression hardens immediately.
"I only did it because you were slowing us down."
Still, you smile faintly.
"Thank you anyway."
Something strange crosses his face then, not quite softness, just a flicker of something unsettled. The slate grey of his eyes lightens into something almost blue. Like he does not know what to do with kindness when it is aimed at him. Instead he reaches for the water skin at his belt and holds it out to you.
You stare at it for a second before taking it carefully from his hand.
"Thank you," you say again, quieter this time.
He looks away before you can see whatever is in his eyes this time, then he stands and walks back toward the fire without another word.
Your fear is not yet washed away, despite his moment of brief kindess. You can walk much better, faster and for longer but every step that doesn't ache in your body aches in your heart. Wondering what lies in store for you at the end of this road. You don't admit it outloud, but deep down you know if the huntsman were here, for you, there's a finality to this that cannot be outrun.
It would see pointless to expect anything more, but you beg anyway. You tell him you will disappear if he lets you go. That you will run so far no one will ever find you again. You promise him money you don't have, horses you don't own, land you can't give, anything he wants. Anything any normal hunter would want.
"I don't want anything," he says once.
It hurts more than the rope burning at your wrists. At night, when he ties the rope around his own wrist before sleeping, you lie awake staring at the fire between you as your captor lays on the other side. You've been traveling with him for near a week now and don't know anything past his blank stare and occasional grunt.
He never sleeps deeply, you've notice that quickly. Every snapped branch, every gust of wind through the trees, every distant howl makes his eyes open instantly. Always alert, always waiting. He doesn't touch you more than he has to, doesn't look at you much either. Sometimes you think you see something in those slate grey eyes, something more. Something…
Maybe you're a fool. Maybe marching your way towards death has made you unreasonably optimistic. Maybe hope is just another thing that refuses to die in you, no matter how many times the world tries to beat it out.
Because something is there.
You see it in the way his gaze lingers a second too long before snapping away. In the way his hand tightens on the rope some nights like he’s reminding himself what you are to him. The way every now and then, you'll feel his gaze on you. But the moment you go to look he's turned away, hand brushing at his chest. There is something about him, and whatever it is, its begun to change.
Days into the journey, the herbs in your hair are begin to fail, they begin to wither.
Helena had always braided them carefully. Rosemary, cedar, crushed petals that dulled the sweetness of your scent, kept it quiet, kept it yours. You’d redone them yourself before you the night of your capture, hands shaking but practiced.
At first, you think it’s just the cold crisping their edges. Then you catch the smell. Faint rushes of a flowing river, warm bursts of lavender, and lingering drying linen. It's been so long since you'd known your natural unmasked scent, it almost felt right but you knew it was wrong the second it floated into the air.
You freeze mid-step. The huntsman doesn’t, making the rope jerk and forces you forward again. But it’s there now. You can’t ignore it, your scent bleeding through stronger than it should be, stronger than it’s ever been. You try to fix the braids that night, fingers clumsy as you twist dried stems back into your hair only for them to crumble in your hands. Dead and useless.
You don’t say anything but it's only a matter of time before someone notices.
Of course they do. The soldiers had been distant before. Rough, but uninterested, you were just cargo. Something to deliver, something to avoid, even. Now, their eyes linger. Too long. You feel it before you understand it. The way conversations quiet when you pass. The way their heads tilt slightly, like something instinctive is pulling at them. The way one of them steps just a little too close when handing you food, you shrink back and he smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
By the next day, it’s worse.
You keep your head down and thread your fingers over the rope to keep close. To him. But even that doesn’t stop it. Their voices change around you, dropping into something lower.
"Didn’t think she’d smell like that."
"Queen didn’t say she was that kind of omega."
"Bet she’d be real sweet if she just—"
You don’t hear the rest, you don’t need to.
That night, you try to stay closer to the fire. Closer to him. Your skin shudders at the thought of finding comfort in the huntsman. But when presented with the alternative, being at the subjection to the soldiers… your mind makes the choice for you.
But he moves away from the group again like he always does, setting camp just far enough to be separate, not far enough to raise suspicion. You still follow because you have no choice, because the rope says you do. But most of all, because part of you is starting to understand he is the only thing standing between you and something worse.
You wake sometime in the dark, not because of a sound, the forest is eeriely quiet around you. Your heart jolts you awake because something feels wrong. The rope is slack, cut at the far end [and your stomach drops. You push yourself up, panic already clawing its way into your throat and that’s when you hear it.
Voices echoing too close. You turn to see two of the soldiers stand just beyond the trees, watching you. Your breath catches when they crush a twig in their stride.
"Easy," one of them says, stepping forward. "We just wanna talk."
You scramble backward on instinct, your injured ankle screaming in protest.
"I don’t want to talk."
They don’t stop.
"You smell good," the other one says, voice low, almost dazed. "Didn’t notice it before. Guess you were hiding it."
Your back hits the trunk of a tree, nowhere left to go. "Please," you whisper.
They step closer, hushing you softly and sickly. "Just let us—"
The cut end of the rope snaps taut, both men freeze and so do you. There’s a shift in the air. Heavy. It's not like the first time you saw the huntsman arrive, this time is sharper, dangerous in a way you haven't seen before. Coiled tight on the verge of snapping. You don’t see him through the tress but you can feel him. The huntsman steps between you and them like something pulled from shadow, silent and still.
His eyes flick between them once. "Back away."
One of the soldiers scoffs, trying to shake off whatever hold your scent has over him.
"She’s just an omega—"
He doesn’t get to finish. The huntsman moves. It’s fast and violent yet controlled. The soldier stumbles back, breath knocked from his lungs, a knife suddenly pressed just beneath his jaw before he can react.
The other one goes completely still.
"You forget your place," the huntsman says.
His voice is quiet, it's almost worse than shouting. The blade presses just enough to draw a thin line of blood.
"She’s the queen’s." A beat. "Not yours."
The words feel like a brand, ownership over you from a woman you've never met. It beads up nervous sweat at the base of your spine.
But the men understand. You can see it in their faces, fear replaces whatever had been there before and they slowly back off with their hands raised.
The moment stretches until they disappear into the trees back to their side of camp.
Only then does the huntsman move. He steps away from you like nothing happened. Like you weren’t just cornered, like he didn’t just almost kill someone for touching what belongs to the queen. Your hands are shaking, still bound together with the loose end of rope brushing your thighs.
"Thank you," you whisper.
He doesn’t look at you.
"Sleep."
You try. Laying your shaking frame against the moss covered ground, and shutting your eyes but you don’t sleep. Not really. And neither does he.
The next morning, everything changes.
There are no arguments, no explanations. He cuts the rope from your wrists, freeing them from their binds, mounts his horse then grabs your arm and pulls you up behind him before you can protest.
The soldiers shout.
"What are you doing?"
He doesn’t answer. Just turns the horse toward the mountains.
"We’ll lose time if you—"
"Find another way on your own," he says flatly.
Then he’s gone and he's taking you with him. Away from them, away from the road and into the cold, winding paths of the mountains where fewer people travel and fewer eyes can follow. You don’t understand it. The path narrows quickly, the ground uneven and steep, branches clawing at your sleeves as the horse pushes forward into terrain no caravan would willingly take. You almost slip but instinct takes over before thought and your arms come up around his waist.
You freeze the moment you realize what you’ve done.
Your hands press against his chest where his coat parts slightly, fingers curling into rough fabric and worn leather. You expect him to jerk away. To snap at you. To shove you back or tell you to keep your distance like he always does.
He doesn’t. He says nothing, he doesn’t even look back. But you feel it, the way his body goes still beneath your touch. Not tense, just aware, like the stillness you hold in your breath when waiting for a moment to pass. You should pull away but you don’t. Because something strange happens when you hold onto him. Something you can’t explain, you can feel his heartbeat steady and strong right beneath your palm. And it does something to him. Or maybe to you. The huntsman, the thing people whisper about in dark corners, the queen’s weapon, the man who dragged you from the woods without a second thought, feels… different like this.
Less distant. Less carved from something cold and unreachable. More… human. The rhythm of his heart grounds him into something that exists beyond fear, something warm beneath all the sharp edges, something that breathes and bleeds. Your grip tightens without meaning to. The horse shifts beneath you as it climbs higher into the mountains, the air growing thinner, colder and you don’t let go. Behind you, the world you knew disappears, ahead of you, only snow and stone and silence and between it all the steady beat beneath your hands.
The huntsman doesn’t speak. But something inside him twists. He can feel it where your hands press against him. Where your warmth seeps through layers he had long stopped noticing. It crawls beneath his skin, unfamiliar and unwelcome and… warm. He hasn’t felt that in a long time, not like this, not without pain tied to it. His jaw tightens with his eyes fixed forward. He says nothing. But he doesn’t make you let go either.
The mountains do not forgive weakness.
You learn that quickly.
The paths are narrower than anything you’ve ever walked. Jagged stone beneath the horse’s hooves, steep drops that vanish into white fog if you look too long. The air is thinner here, colder in a way that settles into your bones and refuses to leave.
He does not slow, of course he doesn’t, but he adjusts.
You notice that too. He chooses paths with more cover. Keeps to ridgelines where fewer of the already few travelers pass. Stops before nightfall instead of pushing through it like he did with the others.
You don’t comment on it. You’ve learned not to. Still, by the second night in the mountains, the cold becomes something else entirely. It doesn't just blow, it bites. Sharp and relentless, slipping through the seams of your clothes, curling into your lungs with every breath. The fire he builds is small, controlled, barely enough to push back the dark.
You sit close anyway. You watch him from across the flames, arms wrapped around yourself, trying to ignore the way your fingers have started to go numb.
“You should drink,” you say quietly, holding out the water skin.
He doesn’t respond, just stares into the fire like he didn’t hear you. You hesitate, then shift closer, the movement slow enough not to startle him, and press it into his hand.
“For your throat,” you add softly. “The air’s dry up here.”
His fingers close around it after a moment reluctantly, like taking something from you costs him more than it should. He drinks from it only once then hands it back without looking at you.
“Thank you,” you say anyway.
Something flickers in his expression and is gone before you can name it.
You lower your gaze—and that’s when you see it. A button from his shirt has come loose. You hadn’t noticed before, not with the layers of fur and leather, but now the fabric has shifted just enough to reveal the hollow at the base of his throat, the line of his sternum disappearing beneath worn cloth.
And there something lies. Something dark. Something wrong. A faint glow pulses beneath his the fabric and against his skin. It's near sublte and easy to miss if you weren’t looking for it, but once you've seen it there's no ignoring it. You don’t day anything, you just watch as it flickers once, then fades again like it was never there at all. You tuck the observation away quietly like everything else. Later, when the fire burns lower and the cold deepens into something unbearable, you move without thinking. You sit beside him instead of across from him, close enough that your shoulder brushes his arm.
He goes still instantly and you feel it. That same awareness from before. That same coiled, uncertain tension.
“You’re going to freeze,” you murmur, voice softer now. “I’m already halfway there.”
No answer, so you shift again, closer still. Until the warmth between you becomes shared instead of separate. It’s a risk, you know it is, but he doesn’t pull away. Doesn’t tell you to move. Doesn’t even look at you. And slowly, almost imperceptibly, the space between you stops feeling like a boundary. The warmth feeling less like a need for survival, and more of… just warmth.
The glow returns on the third night of traveling through the mountains. It was stronger this time, you wake to it. A faint, sickly light cutting through the dark. For a moment, you think it’s the fire, then you realize it’s him. He’s on his knees, breath uneven, one hand braced hard against the ground like he’s holding himself upright through sheer force alone.
The glow pulses beneath his shirt, that same place along his chest.
Your chest tightens.
“Hey—”
He jerks violently at the sound of your voice, like it hurt him, like it burned. His head snaps toward you, eyes wild in a way you’ve never seen before. Not the empty slate grey from the first day you met, something else, something fighting against itself.
“Stay back,” he grits out, but his voice isn’t steady.
You push yourself up anyway, slowly, stepping over to him.
“Is there something wrong,” you whisper.
“No—” His breath shudders. “Go back to sleep.”
The glow pulses again, brighter in the night sky. You see it clearly now, some sort of talisman. Not worn, not held, but bound. Woven into him in a way that makes your stomach twist, six legs of iron dug into his skin making it irremovable. And then you hear it, it wasn't words, none that you could understand at least. But something in the air shifts, like pressure building before a storm. Something unseen pulling at him, tightening, demanding.
His body responds instantly, spine straightening, shoulders locking. His expression empties into that cold, hollow stillness returning all at once like a mask snapping back into place. You start to understand, not fully, but enough. Whatever the huntsman has towards the sorceress queen isn't loyalty. It's control.
“Are you okay?”
The words slip out before you can stop them. You watch as he flinches, as the mask cracks just a little. Your heart stutters with fear and something else, but you move closer. Ignoring the warning in his posture. Ignoring the way his hands clench like he’s trying to hold himself together.
“There must be something I can do,” you say softly. “Just—tell me what you need.”
“Nothing,” he snaps, too sharp. Not out of anger, but of something close to panic, like he’s afraid.
The glow pulses again, stronger and he nearly doubles over, faint whispers and hushed lilts float through the air and you watch him coil against it. Without thinking you reach for him, settling your hand lightly against his arm.
And everything… stops, not completely but enough that the tension in him falters. The invisible pressure loosens just slightly, like whatever holds him didn’t expect resistance and his breath shudders. Eyes flickering back to you aren't empty anymore, the slate grey blurring into a pale blue.
You don’t move your hand. “Just breathe,” you whisper.
He does, slowly, his chest rising and falling with shaky breaths, each one deeper and smoother than the last. And the glowing begins to dim. Not fully gone, but weaker. Like something inside him is slowly rising back to the surface.
After that, things change.
Not all at once, not in ways anyone else would notice but they do, and you notice. You notice the way he finds you without looking. Even when you wander a few steps too far gathering wood or water, his gaze always lands on you first. Like he can track you without trying. Like your presence is something he can feel.
You notice how he positions himself on the road. He lets you have the horse the majority of the time, only riding two up with you to find camp when the sun starts to set and the path loses its visibilty. Even then he's always in front, always between you and what lies ahead. Like a barrier.
The first time wolves appear at the edge of the trees, their eyes catching the firelight, he’s on his feet before you even realize what you’re looking at. They don’t come closer, not with him there, not with the low, warning sound in his chest that doesn’t quite sound human.
You notice the way his scent changes too.
You hadn’t paid attention to it before. Not really. It had just been something sharp. Cold rye bread and dried blood. Now it’s different. Still strong with an air of danger to it, but there's something warmer to it. Cedarwood and rusted iron with the barest hint of something soft. Familiar in a way that settles something restless inside you.
You find yourself leaning toward it without thinking, trusting it, and the strangest part—he lets you. Even when he doesn’t understand why, even when it unsettles him, even when something deep inside him keeps pulling him closer without permission, without reason. Like something has already decided that you belong near him.
The trip back to the northern capitol typically takes a full span, but through the mountain pass adds on another halfweeks worth, amounting out to a full fortnight worth of traveling. And the mountains don’t stay empty forever.
You know it before he does. Or maybe you feel it before he lets himself admit it. The way the air shifts, it's subtle, but wrong. The birds go quiet first. Then the wind seems to pull back, like the world itself is holding its breath. Even the horse grows restless beneath you, ears flicking, muscles tightening with unease.
Your fingers curl instinctively into the fabric at his chest.
“Someone’s here,” you whisper.
He’s already slowing the horse, already listening. Then—movement, too fast to track. Figures break from the trees on either side of the path, boots crushing snow, weapons drawn. Not soldiers. Not the queen’s men, something rougher and hungerier. Bounty hunters.
You don’t even have time to think before he's moving. He shoves you down from the horse just as an arrow slices through the air where your head had been. You hit the ground hard, breath knocked from your lungs, snow burning cold against your skin.
“Stay down,” he snaps and you do, not by choice as your lungs are still trying to reinflate themselves.
Steel sings and you scramble backward, heart pounding, as the world explodes into motion around you. Blades clash. Boots slide across ice. Someone shouts. Someone else laughs. There are too many, you know it immediately. Three. No—four, all alphas. You feel it in the air, in the way their presence presses too close, too sharp, too overwhelming without the herbs to dull it.
One of them looks at you, really looks and smiles.
“There she is.”
Your stomach drops. The huntsman steps between you and him instantly and the fight turns brutal. There is no control in his movements, he fights like a man who has survived too much to hesitate. Fast and efficient, ruthless in a way that makes your chest tighten because you realize, this is what he was made into.
This is what the queen kept him for.
One goes down quickly. Another staggers back with blood spilling down his side, but they don’t retreat, they press harder, desperate and greedy.
You try to stay out of the way, you really do. But one of them breaks past him, too fast for him to catch. A hand grabs your arm, yanks you forward and you scream.
“Got you—”
You flail and try to flee but another hand slams into your chest and shoves you backward. You hit the ground hard, the air punched from your lungs before you can even scream. Snow seeps instantly through your clothes, freezing and suffocating all at once. He’s on you before you can recover. Weight, too much to fight. Your wrists are pinned above your head, his grip iron-tight as he forces you flat into the ground. His knee presses into your thigh, trapping you completely.
“Hold still,” he snarls, breath hot and wrong against your skin.
Panic detonates in your chest.You thrash beneath him, twisting, kicking, anything, but it’s useless. He’s stronger. Bigger. Every movement only seems to tighten his hold.
“Get off—” Your voice breaks. “Get off me!”
He laughs.
“You don’t smell like you want me to—”
Something inside you snaps. Your blood is racing through your veins like fire and ice all at once. Something washes over you, not quite fear, not quite anger. Something mystic that calms you despite the thrashing of your limbs. Your mind goes quiet, only feeling the thud of your heart in your chest as your hand scrambles blindly against the ground, fingers clawing through snow and dirt and frozen leaves, when your nails brush against a stone. You don’t think. You don’t hesitate. You just swing. It connects with a dull crack against the side of his head. He jerks, grip loosening just enough and you don’t wait, you wrench one arm free and shove him hard. He stumbles off you, disoriented, and suddenly you’re the one moving.
You scramble on top of him before he can recover, your breath coming in ragged gasps as you raise the rock again and bring it down. Again. And again. You don’t feel it. Don’t hear anything except the rush of blood in your ears and the echo of his voice and the thrum still clawing its way out of your chest.
You just keep going. Until hands grab you, strong and unyielding.
“Enough.”
The huntsman.
He pulls you back hard, dragging you off the man as your arm fights against him on instinct, still trying to swing, still trying to finish it—
“Enough,” he says again, sharper this time.
Your body locks and the world crashes back in all at once. The cold air, your shaking breath, the blood on your hands. The man beneath you isn’t moving and your hands start to shake violently, the rock slips from your fingers. You don’t recognize yourself for a second. Don’t recognize the feeling still burning in your chest—hot and terrifying and alive.
He doesn’t let go of you right away, his grip stays firm, grounding. And you’re left standing there, frozen, staring at what you’ve done.
You killed him.
You—
“Move!”
The huntsman's voice rips through the moment. You barely have time to react before he’s in front of you again, dragging you back as another attacker lunges forward. It all happens too fast, you don't see it happen until it's too late. A blade. A misstep as he pushes you back. The third hunter drives his sword forward and he takes it. For you.
The sound that leaves you doesn’t feel human.
He doesn’t go down immediately, of course he doesn’t. He rips the blade free with a snarl and finishes it anyway, driving his own knife deep into the man’s chest before he can pull back, then, silence. The last of them collapses into the snow.
And the huntsman drops to one knee, shaking to hold himself up. Your ears are ringing, your hands are shaking yet you still rush towards him.
“Hey—hey—” you stumble toward him, dropping beside him in the snow. “Are you okay—”
There’s blood, too much of it. Soaking through his clothes and staining the snow a murky red that makes your stomach twist.
“We have to move,” he says, voice rough.
“You’re bleeding.”
“I know.”
You shake your head, panic clawing up your throat.
“No—no, you can't, you're hurt—”
“I can. We have to go,” his eyes lift to yours. Still steady. Still him, somehow. “More will come.”
That’s what gets you moving, not fear for yourself. For him.
You don’t remember how you find the cabin.
Only that the forest closes in around you again, thick and quiet and endless, and somehow your feet keep moving even when they shouldn’t. You half-carry him, half-drag, holding his arm over your shoulders as you trudge through the snow with the horse trailing behind, his injury too sensitive for him to ride. His weight is heavy against you, steps uneven, scarlet blood staining the snow behind you in a trail that makes your chest tighten with every glance.
“Stay with me,” you whisper.
“I am.”
“Don’t lie.”
A faint huff of breath… almost a laugh.
“Not lying.”
The cabin appears like something out of a dream. Small and abandoned and barely standing, but enough. It has a door, a roof, four walls to keep the wind out. You get him inside.
The world narrows after that. To fire, blood and him. You don’t think about what you did, you don’t think about the man you killed, you can’t. Not yet. You tear open his shirt with shaking hands, breath catching when you see the wound clearly, deep and ugly and pooling crimson.
Your hands hover for a second, then move. You clean it, stitch it with the minimal catgut he had in his napsack on the horse and wrap it. Everything Helena ever taught you comes back in fragments. Herbs. Pressure. Heat. Don’t let him sleep too long. Don’t let him bleed out. Your hands stop shaking eventually, you don’t notice when, only that they do. By the time the fire burns low, he’s lying on the narrow couch in front of the fire, breathing shallow but steady.
You sit beside him, watching, waiting as hours pass, maybe longer. When he finally wakes, it’s slow and disoriented, staggered breaths as his eyes find you almost immediately.
“You’re still here,” he murmurs.
You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding.
“Of course I am.”
Something shifts in his expression, small, but real. You hesitate, then reach for him, gently resting your hand on his arm. He doesn’t flinch. Doesn't pull away or tell you stop. The warmth of his skin under you palm ease a shakeness in you that you hadn't known was stirring. He was still alive, still here with you.
“You took that blade for me,” you say quietly.
His gaze drifts to the ceiling.
“Part of the job.”
“No,” you shake your head. “Not like that. You don't almost bleed out to death for cargo. The evil queens huntsman doesn't purposely risk his life for the job. You saved me. Why?”
Silence stretches between you, his eyes flick between you and the fire. He slowly sits up, your hand right at his back to catch him if he were to slump.
“I wasn’t always… this.” he says after a moment. His face glows in the firelight, showing more of him than you'd ever seen, right down to the slight cleft in his chin.
“James,” he murmurs, his voice quiet and hesitant. “James Barnes.”
The name settles into the space between you like something important, something remembered.
“I was—” He exhales slowly. “I was more than what she made me.”
“I know.”
His eyes flick back to yours, you don’t look away.
“I remember pieces now,” he says, voice quieter. “Not all of it. Just… fragments.”
He closes his eyes briefly.
“Snow. Always snow.” A faint crease forms between his brows. “Wolves. Not like the ones here. Bigger. Smarter.” A pause. “A crest. White… and blue. I can’t—” His jaw tightens. “I can’t see it clearly. She doesn't let me remember.”
Your heart pounds. “Your home,” you whisper.
His eyes open again and something sharper there now.
“Gone.”
“So is mine.”
The words leave you before you can stop them. Silence fills the air as understanding settles in slowly behind it.
“You were there,” he says suddenly. “That day. In the forest.”
His expression shifts, not denial but recognition.
“I was supposed to kill you,” he says.
You blink. “What?”
A beat.
“I could have.”
The memory clicks into place, the angle, the arrow cresting your ear instead.
Your chest tightens. “But you let me go.”
“I disobeyed,” he corrects quietly.
Something in your throat closes. You look at him, really look at him and for the first time, you don’t see the queen’s huntsman. You see what’s left of a man who lost everything. Just like you.
“The queen ruined both of our lives,” you whisper.
His gaze softens, barely but enough.
“Seems like it.”
The fire crackles softly ahead you. The world outside is still cold, still dangerous. But something shifts between you, in the walls of this small broken cabin. He—James, lets you sit closer, lets your hand stay on his arm. Seeing him in this new light changes something in you, he doesn't feel like your captor, and you don't feel like something being taken. For noe, you're just two people left behind by the same ruin, trying to remember how to be something more than what it made you.
The quiet after that night lingers longer than it should. It follows you into the next days as you stay at the cabin to let him heal. Into the way your hands still shake sometimes when you're out collecting firewood. Into the way James watches you now, not like before, not like a task.
Like something he’s trying to understand.
The mountains stretch on around you, cold and endless, but the distance between you begins to shrink in ways neither of you name.
It starts with the cold.
It always does.
Nights are worse at higher elevations. The wind cuts sharper through the thin wood walls, the fire never quite enough. You try to sleep curled in on yourself, arms tight around your body, but it doesn’t stop the shivering. The first time he shifts closer, you think it’s accidental, the second time, you don’t move away. By the third, it becomes something unspoken.
Shared warmth. One blanket instead of two.
You lie on opposite sides at first, careful, deliberate distance between you. But sometime in the night, that space disappears. You wake with your shoulder pressed against his chest, your breath fogging faintly against the fabric of his shirt.
He doesn’t move you, doesn’t say anything, just stays. And you let yourself stay too.
But one night, when sleep won’t come, you sit up and find him already looking at you.
“You should rest,” he says.
“So should you.”
Silence, then, his voice just above a whisper. “I will.”
He doesn’t, you know he won’t. So you shift closer instead, wrapping the blanket tighter around both of you, and lean lightly against his side, carefully of his wounded side.
His body goes still for a moment.
Then slowly he relaxes into it. Your head dips forward before you can stop it, resting briefly against his shoulder, you don’t pull away this time.
And after a long moment—you feel it. His hand, lifting, hovering, then brushing a loose strand of your hair back from your face. The touch is hesitant, like he’s relearning something he forgot how to do. You lean into the touch, pressing your face into his shoulder. You sleep with something close to a smile that night.
The closer you get, the more something else begins to change.
You notice it in the quiet moments.
In the way his jaw tightens less when you speak. In the way his shoulders don’t lock every time you step near him. In the way that strange, unseen pressure, the one that pulls at him, bends him, owns him doesn’t feel quite as strong as it did before.
It’s still there. You see it sometimes in the flicker of that faint glow beneath his shirt, in the moments his expression goes distant, like something is trying to pull him away from himself. But it doesn’t last as long anymore. Not when you’re close, not when your hand finds his arm, not when your voice pulls him back. And he feels it too. Even if he doesn’t say it. Because the closer you are the quieter the commands become, the less they hold, the more he remembers.
And the more he wants.
Not in a way he understands, but it’s there, growing and unavoidable. Like something waking up inside him after a very long sleep.
One night, something almost happens.
You’re sitting across from each other in the cabin, the fire low, the world quiet around you. No danger or urgency. Just stillness. You've checked and rebanaged his wound twice already, the list of things to do dwindling by the second. You say something, a soft half joke, something small, and he actually huffs out a breath that might almost be a laugh.
It surprises both of you.
You smile and he stares at you like he’s never seen that before, like he’s trying to memorize it. The firelight catches in his eyes. Your breath slows and so does his. The space between you feels different. Closer, too close. You don’t realize you’ve leaned in until it’s already happening and he doesn’t stop you.
For just a second it feels like everything else disappears. The queen, the road, the past. All of it, gone. Just this, just him and you and the warmth from each other.
Then something in him snaps back to reality. That same invisible force, that same pull. His body tenses sharply, like something inside him yanked him back all at once. His expression shutters, breath hitching as the moment fractures between you and he pulls away. You feel the absence immediately, like something warm just vanished and silence settles in its place. He turns away from you, running a hand through his hair like he’s trying to shake something loose. You don’t reach for him this time, but you feel it. That shift, that crack in whatever holds him.
Because it didn’t stop on its own. It fought. And for the first time it almost lost.
Morning comes too quiet, something wrong lingering in the air. The snow is untouched, no wind, no birds just a stillness that presses too close against your skin. James is already awake when you stir. Sitting at the edge of the bed, shoulders tense beneath his shirt, gaze fixed on nothing. The bandages at his side are cleaner now, the worst of the damage healed, but you can tell—he’s listening.
“We should go,” he says.
You push yourself up slowly, blanket slipping from your shoulders. “Already?”
He nods once.
“Too exposed here.”
Something in his tone settles it so you don’t argue. You pack quickly. What little you have is easy enough to gather—herbs, cloth, the last of the dried food. Your fingers brush his once when you pass him the water skin, he doesn’t pull away, just looks at you for a second longer than necessary.
Then stands.
Outside, the cold hits hard. The world is blindingly white, the path nearly erased beneath fresh snow. For a moment, it almost feels peaceful. Like nothing has found you yet. Like maybe—
James goes still beside you and your stomach drops.
“What is it?”
He doesn’t answer, doesn’t move. Then you hear it, the sound of boots, crunching through the snow, erupting the white powder all around you. They come from all sides, the trees, the ridge, the path behind you. Completely surrounded. Not the worn leather boots of bounty hunters. Steel rings and echoes from chain covered horses. Soldiers from the capital. From the queen.
Your breath catches.
“No—”
James moves instantly, pulling you behind him, body shielding yours in a motion that’s become instinct now. But this isn’t like before, there are too many. James stiffens and you see it before he does, that faint glow beneath his shirt. Bright, violent and wrong. You feel the shift in him, watch as his shoulder baldes fight and pull back together, his entire body at war with itself..
“No,” he echoes.
His hand tightens around yours. Then it stops. Not the glow, but him. His body locks, shoulds straightening, spine rigid. That emptiness returns to his eyes all at once, like something has reached inside him and pulled him back into place.
Your heart drops into your stomach.
“James,” you whisper, stepping in front of him, grabbing his arm. “James, look at me—”
His gaze flicks to you for a second, just a second he’s there, fighting it. Then the glow pulses again harder and stronger than ever before and he’s gone. The soldiers don’t even need to move.
“On your knees,” one of them says.
You don’t listen. You reach for him instead, both hands gripping his shirt, your voice breaking.
“James, please—”
His hand comes up and grabs your wrist, not rough but not gentle either, just final.
“Don’t,” he says, his voice is empty, not his.
Your chest caves in.
They take you easily after that. There is no fight, no struggle. Because the one person who would have fought for you is the one holding you still.
The northern capital feels colder than you remember, not in temperature but in something deeper. The walls rise high and black against the sky, sharp and unforgiving, like they were carved to keep hope out rather than enemies. It's hard to believe you once called this place home.
You’re dragged through the gates, through the courtyard, through halls you barely remember but somehow still know. It feels like stepping into a nightmare you once escaped. Only this time there is no one coming to get you out.
They separate you immediately. You fight then, you don’t mean to it just happens.
“No—!” you twist, reaching for him, panic surging all at once. “James—!”
He doesn’t look at you even once. That hurts more than anything and they drag you away, your voice still echoes through the halls long after you can’t see him anymore.
The tower they put you in hasn’t changed, not really. The same narrow windows, the same stone walls. The same silence that presses in until it feels like it’s sitting on your chest. They lock you inside without a word, the door slams and just lke that you're trapped again.
You don’t know how long it takes before she comes, hours, maybe less.
The door opens slowly as she steps inside like she owns the air itself. The queen is just as you remember. Beautiful and terrible, untouched by time in all the ways that matter. Her gaze finds you and she smiles.
“So,” she says softly, voice smooth as silk. “The little ghost finally comes home.”
Your hands curl into fists at your sides. You don’t bow, you don’t speak. You don't give her anything. Her eyes flick over you slowly, taking in every detail, assessing.
“Where is he?” you ask.
You hate how your voice sounds, not strong enough, not steady enough.
Her smile deepens.
“Ah,” she murmurs. “Straight to him.”
You don’t respond, you can only fight the tremble of your lip as she steps closer.
“He’s exactly where he belongs,” she says. “Back at my side.”
Your chest tightens. “That’s not true.”
“No?” Her head tilts. “You think you changed him?”
You swallow hard yet keep quiet, this doesn't go past her.
“Ah, I see now. You thought love would be enough.”
For a moment something sharp flashes in her eyes, then it’s gone, replaced by amusement.
“Sweet girl,” she says softly. “Alphas like him don’t choose love.”
She reaches out and tilts your chin up with cold fingers.
“They choose survival.”
Your stomach twists.
“He remembers me,” she continues. “Remembers what I made him. What he is.”
Your heart pounds relentlessly and you feel warmth spread across your fingertips.
“He’s already obeying me again.”
The words hit harder than anything, your heartbeat falters and you shake your head.
“No.”
But doubt slips in anyway, quiet and poisonous. She sees it and her smile turns sharper.
“You’ll see,” she whispers. “Soon enough.”
Then she steps back, turns and leaves you alone with the echo of her words.
Below the castle, far beneath the stone and silence, James kneels in chains. His head bowed, his hands bound, the glow at his chest burns brighter than it ever has. And somewhere deep inside him, something is still fighting to remember your name.
The first day, you don’t believe her.
The second, you tell yourself you won’t.
By the third, the silence starts to press in.
There are no windows wide enough to see the sky properly, only narrow slits that let in thin, colorless light. No voices beyond the guards who never speak to you. No footsteps except the ones that come and go without pause, without pattern.
No him.
That is the part that unravels you. At first, you hold onto it stubbornly. The way he looked at you in the cabin. The way he said your name. The way his hand had brushed your hair away like it meant something. Like you meant something. You replay it over and over until it starts to feel distant and unreal.
Because the longer you sit in that tower, the quieter everything becomes. Including him. Whatever it is you felt between you doesn’t vanish, but it dims. Like something struggling through layers of stone and distance and magic. You sit on the edge of the bed, fingers curled into the thin blanket, eyes fixed on the door.
Waiting.
For footsteps, for him, for anything. Nothing comes. By the time the queen returns, you are already tired in a way that sleep won’t fix. The door opens slowly, like she has all the time in the world, and she steps inside with that same measured grace.
“You look smaller,” she observes lightly.
You don’t respond. You’ve learned that much, but your silence doesn’t bother her, it never has. She walks the room like she owns it, because she does, fingers brushing along the stone, the furniture, the edges of your cage.
“I gave you time,” she says. “I thought perhaps you would come to your senses on your own.”
Your jaw tightens.
“I don’t need time.”
Her lips curve faintly.
“No,” she agrees. “You need truth.”
You look at her then, because something in her tone has shifted into somethign sharper, more certain.
“What have you done to him?” you ask.
She doesn’t answer immediately. Instead, she moves toward the small table near the window. There is something resting on it, you hadn’t noticed it before. A single apple, red and perfect. Too perfect.
Your stomach twists. The queen picks it up delicately, turning it in her fingers as if admiring her own reflection in its skin.
“Do you know,” she says softly, “how old magic binds itself to blood?”
You don’t answer but she continues anyway.
“It doesn’t need force,” she murmurs. “Not always. Sometimes it only needs… the right vessel.”
She holds the fruit out slightly.
“Someone beautiful. Someone pure. The fairest in all the land.”
Your pulse quickens. “What is it”
Her smile deepens.
“A gift.”
“No.”
The word comes out sharper than you intend and she tilts her head sickly.
“You’re not curious?”
“I’m not stupid.”
A flicker of amusement crosses her face.
“No,” she agrees. “You’re not.”
She steps closer.
“There was a time,” she continues, “when your kind ruled through bonds like yours. Through scent. Through devotion. Through love.” Her voice softens on the last word, like she’s tasting something bitter. “It made you powerful.”
You don’t move.
“But power like that…” Her gaze sharpens. “Was made for so much more, and you squandered on it. But it doesn’t disappear. It only waits for someone smarter to come along and take control of it.”
The apple gleams in her hand.
Your chest tightens. “What does it do?”
Her eyes meet yours and for the first time, there's no pretense in them.
“It ends you,” she says simply.
Your breath stutters.
“No—”
“And when it does,” she finishes, “he will return to me completely.”
The room tilts and you shake your head.
“He won’t.”
“He already is.”
Your throat closes.
“You’re lying.”
She steps closer, close enough that you can’t look anywhere but at her.
“Am I?”
Her voice drops.
“He hasn’t come for you.”
The words make your chest ache.
“He hasn’t broken free.”
Harder.
“He hasn’t chosen you.”
Your hands shake.
“Stop.”
But she doesn’t.
“Alphas like him don’t defy control for long,” she murmurs. “Not when survival is on the line.”
You close your eyes, try to block it out, but the silence of the tower wraps around her words and makes them echo. Louder. And louder.
Until—
“Eat.”
Your eyes snap open and the apple is in front of you. Closer now, too close and your stomach churns.
“No.”
Her expression doesn’t change.
“Eat.”
“I won’t.”
Something shifts then, subtle, but deadly.
“Do you think you have a choice?” she asks softly.
The air tightens and your chest constricts. You try to step back you can’t, your body refuses. Your breath comes faster.
“What—”
“Old blood magic,” she says. “Yours is not the only blood that remembers.”
Your hand lifts but not by your will and your fingers close around the apple. Terror floods your chest.
“No—no, please—”
Your arm moves slow and unstoppable.
“Stop—!”
You try fight it. Every muscle straining, every thought screaming—but it doesn’t matter. The apple touches your lips and the queen watches, smiling.
You bite, it tastes sweet, too sweet. The world tilts immediately and your knees give out. The apple slips from your hand as you collapse, the floor rushing up too fast, you barely feel it before everything goes distant.
Your breath slows and your heartbeat follows. The last thing you see is her standing over you.
Victorious.
Then, nothing.
The palace whispers by nightfall. The lost omega princess is dead. Gone.
Far below, something breaks. James jerks against the chains with a violent force that rattles the stone around him. His breath comes sharp.
“No.”
The word tears out of him, because something is missing. Not fading. Gone.
Your scent is gone. The thread that had been there, quiet but constant, woven into him whether he understood it or not, severed.
His chest heaves.
“No,” he says again, louder this time.
The glow at his sternum flares violently and commands flood in. Obedience and stillness overcome him. He fights it, ignore it, to silence the submission in his head.
“Where is she?” he demands, voice breaking into something wild, something unrecognizable even to himself. No one answers, not even the wind. The chains hold, the walls don’t move but he doesn’t stop, he pulls and strains. Fights like a man trying to claw his way back to something already lost. Your name sits on his tongue but he can’t say it, not fully not through the magic choking it down.
Stil he tries.
Again. And again. And again.
Because even without whatever bond you two had, without your scent, without anything left to guide him something in him knows something is wrong.
And he is too late.
War comes easily to her.
By the time the sun dips behind the black stone towers, the queen has already begun carving the world into something new. Maps stretch across her war table, inked borders slashed through with impatient hands, territories reduced to nothing more than places to be taken.
“There is no one left to oppose me,” she says, calm and certain.
Messengers bow, generals listen. Your name is not spoken.
“Bring me my huntsman.”
The command echoes down into the dark where he is kept. James doesn’t feel the pull the way he used to. It’s there—but distant. Frayed. Like something reaching for him through water instead of iron. Still, it tries. He sits in the dim of the dungeon, head bowed, breath slow, when the door creaks open.
Bootsteps, not from the same guard. Slower steps, familiar in a way he can’t place.
“You hear her, don’t you?” the voice says quietly.
James lifts his head. An older man stands in the doorway, lamplight flickering across a face lined with years and something heavier than age.
“I hear enough,” James mutters.
The man studies him carefully, then steps inside, closing the door behind him.
“They told you she was dead,” he says.
James goes still. The words land like a blade.
“She—”
“She isn’t gone,” the man interrupts gently. “Not in the way they want you to believe.”
Something cracks open in James’s chest.
“What did she do?” he demands.
The man exhales slowly.
“Old blood magic.” His voice lowers. “The kind meant to preserve… or to pause.”
James’s hands curl into fists.
“Where is she?”
“The tower.”
A beat, then the man steps closer.
“There are stories,” he continues, quieter now. “Older than this kingdom. Older than her.”
James doesn’t move.
But he listens.
“Of a northern prince,” the man says, “and an omega princess hidden away by war. Bound not by crown—but by choice.” His gaze sharpens. “Destined to find each other, bound together by the moon goddess herself. Their bond was said to outlast everything. Curses. Kingdoms. Even death.”
James swallows and something deep inside him stirs.
“And you think… that’s us,” he says.
“I think,” the man replies, “this is your chance to prove it is.”
Silence stretches. Then the man reaches for the chains, the metal clicks and falls away.
James stares when the man doesn't make any moves towards him.
“You’re supposed to take me to her.”
The man just shakes his head.
“Go.”
James doesn’t hesitate.
The castle feels different when you’re not being dragged through it. He moves fast, faster than thought. Up corridors. Through shadowed halls. Past guards who don’t see him in time—or don’t see him at all. The tower door stands open as candles flicker inside, the flames still in the air.
His chest tightens before he even crosses the threshold and then he sees you, laid out in white like something already mourned. Flowers surround you, soft and pale, arranged with careful hands. Your hair is spread gently around your shoulders. Your hands folded over your chest as you lay still as stone.
“No…”
The word leaves him broken. He crosses the room in seconds, dropping to his knees beside you, hands hovering like he’s afraid touching you will make it real.
“Hey,” he says, voice unsteady. “Hey—no, this isn’t—”
His throat closes as his hand finally settles over yours, cold and still. It hits him then all at once.
“I’m sorry,” he breathes. The words spill out before he can stop them.
“I should’ve fought harder. I should’ve— I should’ve found a way—”
His forehead presses against your hand.
“I remember now,” he whispers. “Everything.”
Snow-covered courtyards. Wolves in the distance. A crest stitched into winter cloaks. A name spoken with pride.
“And you—you gave that back to me.” His voice shakes. “You made me remember what it felt like to be… human. You saved me even when I was… when I wasn't worth saving.”
Silence answers him, but he keeps going.
“I didn’t say it,” he admits. “I should have. Back in the mountains. Before she took you.”
His thumb brushes your knuckles.
“I love you.”
The words settle into the room like something sacred.
“I love you,” he repeats, quieter now. “You gave me something worth choosing. Something worth fighting for.” His breath falters. “And I would rather die than go back to what I was… than live in a world where you’re not in it.”
He looks at you, still silent, eyes unmoving thinking about what he would give to see the firelight reflect in them one last time.
“I'm sorry,” he whispers.
And then he leans in and presses his lips to yours, soft and careful, sealing his apology in something stronger than words, holding onto the last fragile piece of something he refuses to lose. For a moment, nothing happens, the candles still flicker gently and the tower bricks groan in the wind. Then—you gasp. Air rushes into your lungs all at once, your body jolting as your eyes snap open, hands clutching at his shirt.
“James—”
Your voice is raw and ragged and alive. He freezes as his mind tries to wrap around the miracle in front on him, then you grab his hand and he exhales like the world has been given back to him.
“I’m here,” he breathes. “I’m right here.”
At the same moment, a crack splits the air, sharp and violent that makes him go stiff. The glow at his chest flares once, then shatters. The talisman fractures apart, pieces falling from beneath his shirt and striking the stone floor with a hollow sound that silence follows.
You and James both goes still. Waiting. For her voice, for the pull, for the command that has lived in his bones for years, yet nothing comes. Not even an echo.
His breath catches. The absence is so complete it almost feels loud.
“James?” you whisper, still disoriented, your hand tightening in his. He looks at you and there is nothing in his eyes now but himself, gone is the slate grey that you came to know, in their place is a crystal clear steel blue reflecting the setting sun.
“I can’t hear her,” he says, voice quiet with disbelief.
Your lips part. “Good.”
A breath breaks from him, half laugh, half something else entirely. He leans forward, pressing his forehead to yours, the silence in his head beautifully disorienting with the quiet truth that he is finally, undeniably free.
"We have to go," you whisper, longing to stay in this moment with him but knowing it must end. That all of this must end. You can't wait any longer. There is no time for it, no space left for hesitation or fear or the quiet, careful steps you learned to take just to survive.
This time, you choose to be seen.
The halls blur as you move, hand locked in his, your steps matching his without needing to think about it. The castle feels different now. Not endless or suffocating, but something breakable. Doors slam open as you pass. Servants freeze and guards turn when they see you. Alive. Whispers follow in your wake like sparks catching fire. By the time you reach the throne chamber, the air is already shifting, the doors are thrown open and there she is. Seated on her throne like nothing in the world has changed, like she has already won. Her gaze lifts lazily and then she sees you and she falters for half a second.
“…no,” she breathes, the word is quiet and uncertain. "Impossible."
You step forward, unbroken and her composure snaps back into place like glass reforming.
“Kill her.”
The command is immediate, sharp and absolute. It echoes through the chamber as every guard stills, every breath holds. But James doesn’t move and the silence stretches.
“Kill her,” she repeats, rising from the throne now, something desperate creeping beneath the surface. “That is an order.”
Nothing happens, he doesn’t even look at her. Instead, he steps in front of you and the room shifts. You feel it, the barricade he's made, the choice he shows. Everyone does and the queen’s eyes widen, not in rage this time but in fear.
“No,” she says, quieter now. “No, that’s not—”
Her gaze drops to his chest to where the talisman used to be and her breath catches seeing it gone.
“You—” Her voice sharpens, cracking at the edges. “What did you do?”
James finally looks at her and there is nothing obedient in his expression. “You don’t get to command me anymore.”
The words land like a blade, sending something fractured across her face. You step forward then past him and into the center of the room, into the light.
“Look at her,” you say. Your voice carries, it cuts through the tension like something older than the walls around you. “Look at what she’s done.”
The room is full now. Servants, guards and nobles lingering at the edges, all watching and listening.
“She took this kingdom,” you continue, your gaze fixed on hers. “Not by right. Not by loyalty. By lies. She destroyed entire kingdoms to sit on that throne, she had my mother murdered and poisoned my father,” you say, louder now. “Burned cities to the ground. Took their heirs. Their people. Their lives.”
The queen’s expression twists. “Silence her—” No one moves and you don’t stop.
“She bound men to her will,” you go on, your voice rising. “Turned them into weapons. Into things they were never meant to be.”
Your hand finds his and pulls him slightly forward.
“Ask him.”
All eyes turn. James stands there, no longer the queen’s shadow, not just the northern prince, something else entirely.
“She didn’t rule you,” you say, sweeping your gaze across the room. “She controlled you.”
Soon a guard shifts, another lowers his weapon slightly.
“She made you afraid,” you press. “Afraid to remember who you were before her. Afraid to stand against her.”
Your chest rises and falls with each breath.
“But you remember.” The words soften. “You remember your homes. Your families. The lives you had before this place became something else.”
Silence drapes over the room.
“We can rebuild,” you say. “The kingdoms she broke—we can bring them back. Together. You don’t have to serve her anymore. Stand with me.”
James laces his fingers through yours, holding you tight.
"With us.”
The first weapon drops. It hits the stone with a sharp clang, then another, and another. The sound spreads through the chamber like thunder. The queen steps back.
“No,” she snaps, voice rising, cracking. “No, you will obey me—”
Her hand lifts and black magic surges, wild and in its own air. It lashes out, striking one of the nearest guards and throwing him back. Screams break the silence.
“Kill them!” she shrieks. “All of them—kill her—kill—”
The last of her loyal guards surge forward and James moves. This time, he doesn’t hesitate. He meets them head-on, fast, brutal and precise. But different, no longer is he an empty fighting machine, every movement is chosen, every strike grounded in something real.
You don’t stay back, you just can’t.
You grab the nearest fallen blade and step in beside him. The first guard lunges and you move instinctively, flashes of the fight in the mountains cross through your mind but it's different now, with James by your side. The fight spills out of the throne room, down the halls, through corridors that echo with shouts and crashing steel. The queen retreats desperately. Her magic lashes out wildly, cracking stone, shattering glass, forcing people back as she stumbles toward the courtyard.
“This is mine!” she screams. “This kingdom is mine—I built this—I took this—”
“No,” you say, breathless but unyielding as you follow. “You stole it.”
James takes down the last guard in your path turns and finds you instantly. Together, you push forward, step by step driving her back out into the open into the courtyard where the entire palace can see, where there is nowhere left for her to hide.
Her magic flickers, unstable now.
The courtyard holds its breath. Snow drifts softly from the gray sky, settling over stone still cracked from her magic, over fallen weapons, over the remnants of something that is already ending. She stumbles back as her power flickers violently around her hands, wild and unfocused, striking the ground instead of you, splintering stone instead of bending it.
“This is mine!” she screams again, voice unraveling. “I took this kingdom—I earned it—”
“No,” you say, stepping forward despite the chaos, despite the way the air still hums with danger. “You destroyed it.”
Her gaze snaps to you and several emotions cross her eyes, rage and fear, something desperate and cornered. Behind her, the high window stands open, shattered glass scattered across the floor, the drop beyond it steep and endless, cliffs swallowed by snow and fog. James moves first, he closes the distance between them in seconds, forcing her back another step, his presence unyielding, solid, final. There is nowhere left for her to go as her back nearly touches the broken edge.
“Stay back!” she hisses, power flaring again in her hands but it doesn’t land, doesn’t hold. Whatever she built is failing her now.
You step up beside him and for a moment it's quiet, just the three of you and the gentle winter wind carrying the end of something long and terrible.
“You can stop,” you tell her. “It doesn’t have to end like this.”
Her lips curl.
“Spare me,” she spits.
“I’m offering you a choice,” you say. “Surrender and stand down. Let this end without more blood.”
The courtyard around you listens, every person gathered there, every life she touched. Her eyes flick between you and James and something shifts in her expression.
“You think you’ve won?” she laughs, sharp and broken. “You think this ends with me?”
Her power lashes out again, wild, uncontrolled—and she steps back, just slightly and her heel catches. For a single, fragile second she falters when she realizes there is no one behind her to steady her, no magic left to hold her in place.
She falls.
The drop swallows her instantly, her scream cut short by the wind and the distance below, and then silence. It settles over the courtyard like snowfall. No one moves, no one speaks, wondering if it's finally over. Truly over. You stand there, staring at the empty space she left behind, your breath slow, uneven, your heart still catching up to what just happened. James steps closer, his hand brushing the back of your arm, just letting his presence solidify behind you.
The first person to move is a servant, then another, then a guard, then more. They gather slowly, cautiously, like they’re afraid this might disappear if they move too fast, but it doesn’t. You’re still standing, both of you, not as what she made you, not as what the world feared. But as what you chose to become. Someone kneels. Then another. And another. It spreads through the courtyard, through the people, through the space she once ruled with fear but this is not forced, not commanded. It's given freely. James’s hand finds yours and you hold on tight, knowing that whatever lies ahead of this, you'll do it together.
The days that follow feel unreal.
The castle changes quietly. Windows are opened. Doors unbarred. The heavy, suffocating presence that once clung to every wall begins to lift, replaced by something lighter. Something uncertain, but hopeful. People speak more, laugh, sometimes but mourn, too. Because there is still loss, there always will be but it no longer feels like the end.
The ceremony is held beneath an open sky. Snow still blankets the ground, but the sun breaks through for the first time in what feels like years, light spilling across the courtyard where everything changed. You stand beside him as the crown is placed on your head first.
Light, but heavy with meaning.
“By blood and by right,” the elder declares, voice carrying across the gathered crowd, “we name you, the lost princess of the north, returned and restored.”
Then James steps forward. There's a moment, just a moment where the past flickers across his face. Everything he was, everything he lost, everything he found again. The crown settles onto his head.
“By blood stolen and returned,” the elder continues, “we name you, the true prince of the north, returned and restored.”
A pause.
“Together, you stand as the rightful rulers of the north. Long may you reign!”
The words echo across the crowd, applause deafens any thoughts of doubt and suddenly it all becomes real. Then the crowd bows and James’s hand slips into yours again, the familiar warmth spreading through you. When you glance at him he’s already looking at you, he looks different than the first time you saw him. There's something fuller about him, a pink dusting to his cheeks, the smoothed skin of his used to be chapped lips, his hair swept back into a tight little knot at the nape of his neck.
He looks… handsome, you've never really noticed how much until now.
The palace feels too big now. Not in the way it used to, all looming and suffocating and cold, but in the quiet spaces between things. Rooms that echo a little too much. Hallways that stretch a little too far. You’re still getting used to it, both of you are.
“You’re walking like you’re being hunted,” James mutters from behind you.
You glance back, half-offended, half-amused. “I am not.”
“You are,” he insists, arms crossed as he leans against the doorway, watching you navigate the room like the floor might give out beneath you. “You keep checking the corners.”
You pause because… you had been.
“Well I was kidnapped for a time, tends to put people on edge afterwards,” you shoot back.
A corner of his mouth lifts. “Yeah. Well now you don’t have to be anymore.”
You huff softly and move to the table, eyeing the carefully arranged plates waiting for you both. Everything too neat, too polished.
“This doesn’t even look edible,” you mutter, poking at something that has been sliced into impossibly perfect pieces.
“It’s fruit,” he says.
“It’s ruined fruit.”
He laughs under his breath, pushing off the wall and coming to stand beside you.
“Give it a chance.”
“I miss stealing bread,” you say flatly.
“That’s not something you’re supposed to admit as queen.”
“Well, I preferred it,” you reply, picking up a piece and inspecting it suspiciously. “At least it didn’t look like it had opinions about me.”
James snorts.
“I miss not having to wear this,” he adds, tugging lightly at the collar of his formal shirt like it’s personally offended him.
You glance at him. “Liar.”
His brow lifts.
“You like looking like a prince.”
“I liked not freezing in the mountains with you more.”
“That’s fair.” A beat, then your voice slips into something softer. “I liked that too.”
He looks at you as something quieter settles between the humor and the silence lingers, not uncomfortable, but telling. You turn away first, reaching for the water, trying to ignore the way something in your chest tightens without warning.
“So,” you say, a little too casually. “They said the first group to go back to the sister kingdom leaves in a few days.”
“A week,” he corrects.
You nod too quickly. “A week.”
He watches you, you can feel it. “Yeah.”
You busy your hands with nothing, rearranging the fruit by biggest to smallest.
“They said they'll send someone to oversee things,” you continue. “Organize supplies. Make sure it’s… done properly.”
“They will.”
You swallow. “You don’t have to go.”
It slips out before you can stop it.
“I know,” he says carefully.
“You could send someone else. There are plenty of people—more qualified people—”
“Hey.”
His voice cuts through it gently and you stop to look at him. He’s leaned in closer now, you hadn’t noticed him move.
“What’s going on?” he asks.
You open your mouth, close it, and try again.
“Nothing.”
He doesn’t buy it for a second.
“You’re a terrible liar,” he says.
“I’m not lying.”
“You are,” he counters quietly. “You’re just… not saying it out loud.”
Your chest tightens and you look away, those near cerulean blue eyes impossible to face with the truth.
“That’s not fair.”
“Maybe not,” he says. “But it’s true.”
Silence stretches between you, but he doesn’t push, just waits. And that somehow makes it worse because now you have to say it. You stand from your seat and take a few steps from the table, needing some sort of seperation to manage your dignity should you lose it.
“I don’t want you to go,” you admit finally, the words quieter than you meant them to be. There it is, out in the open. You brace yourself for denial, amusement, rejection. But he doesn’t laugh, doesn’t brush it off.
“Okay,” he says instead.
You blink. “That’s it?”
He shrugs slightly, standing from his seat to walk over. “That’s what you said.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?”
You hesitate, because now it’s harder, now it’s real.
“It just…” you exhale shakily. “After everything, after the road and the mountains and all of it, it doesn’t feel right… when you’re not there.”
Your voice softens.
“Like something’s missing.” You finally look at him fully again. “And I don’t like it.”
He’s quiet for a moment. “There was something the old servant told me,” he says slowly.
You frown slightly. “What?”
“About the north,” he continues. “Before all this. About… a prince and an omega princess.”
Something flickers in your memory.
“They were meant to find each other,” he says. “No matter what happened. No matter what tried to keep them apart.”
“I’ve heard something like that,” you admit. “Stories. Helena used to tell them sometimes.”
He nods.
“People think that’s us.”
You let out a small, uncertain laugh. “That’s a lot to put on two people.”
“Yeah,” he agrees. “It is.”
He pauses, like the next words are lingering in the air just waiting to be said.
“Some of them say… a true mate bond can break anything.”
Your heart stutters as your feet draw you closer.
“Even magic,” he adds, watching you like he’s still trying to piece it together himself. “Some people say that’s what happened,” he continues. “That a—”
“James.”
He stops as you step even closer, close enough that there’s no space left between you.
“Stop talking,” you murmur.
His brow lifts slightly.
“Oh, I—”
You don’t let him finish, your hands grab at the linen of hist shirt and pull him down and you kiss him. It’s not hesitant or careful, but certain. Like something you’ve been holding back for far too long finally finding its way out. He stills for half a second, then he’s there meeting you, returning it. His hand finds your face, steady and warm, like he’s anchoring himself just as much as you are. When you pull back, your breath is uneven.
Your forehead rests against his.
“I heard you,” you whisper.
His brows knit slightly.
“When?” he asks.
“In the tower,” you say. “Before I woke up.”
“I didn’t know if—”
“I did,” you interrupt softly. “I just didn’t get to answer.”
Your fingers curl into his shirt. “I love you too.” The words settle between you.
“And I don’t want you to leave,” you add, quieter now. “Not yet. Stay with me.”
Something shifts in his expression and he leans in again, pressing another kiss to your lips—slower this time, grounding. When he pulls back, he presses a quick kiss to your forehead.
“Okay,” he says. “I’ll stay.”
He finds you some days later. Not in the throne room, not in the halls where people now bow and watch and whisper. Somewhere quieter, a side corridor that opens out toward the gardens, where the light is softer and the air doesn’t feel so heavy with expectation.
You hear him before you see him. That steady, familiar rhythm of his steps. You turn and when you catch his eye he stops like he hadn’t entirely decided what he was going to say until this exact moment. For a second, neither of you speaks. It’s… different now, not distant but just new.
“Hey,” he says finally.
You tilt your head slightly, studying him.
“Hey.”
He shifts his weight, subtle, but you notice.
“I was thinking,” he starts, then pauses like the words don’t quite line up the way he wants them to. “We’ll probably be… doing a lot of this.” He gestures vaguely—toward the castle, the responsibilities, the everything. “And not a lot of anything else.”
You smile faintly.
“That’s one way to put it.”
“Yeah,” he huffs quietly, rubbing the back of his neck. “So I thought—maybe—”
He stops again and you just watch him through it.
“Would you—” He exhales, then tries again, more straightforward this time. “Would you have dinner with me?”
You blink.
“Dinner?”
“Not—” he shakes his head quickly. “Not like that. Not formal. Not… any of this.” His hand gestures again at the castle around you, like it personally offends him. “Just us.”
Something soft settles in your chest.
“Okay,” you say.
He looks almost surprised you didn’t make it harder.
“Okay?”
“Okay,” you repeat, smiling a little more now.
A breath leaves him—relief, maybe.
“Good,” he says. “Good. Then… meet me in the gardens. At dusk.”
You nod.
“I’ll be there.”
Dusk paints the gardens in gold and blue.
The last of the sunlight stretches long across the grass, catching on the edges of the stone paths and the early bloom of flowers that have started to return. You follow the sound of quiet movement. And then you see it. He’s already there kneeling in the grass, adjusting something with a focus that feels almost out of place for him. It takes you a second to take it all in, it’s not elaborate or overly polished but it's intentional. A blanket spread across the ground—no, several blankets, layered unevenly, some folded over each other, others half-bunched like he couldn’t decide where they were supposed to go. Candles scattered around in small clusters, their light flickering softly against the growing dark.
And food, simple food.
Bread, still slightly warm. Fruit—unsliced this time. Something wrapped in cloth that smells faintly savory. It's not royal and draped in gold, but it's him and it's utterly perfect. He looks up when he hears you and for a second, there’s something almost unsure in his expression, like he’s waiting for you to decide what this is worth.
Your gaze drifts over the blankets again then back to him.
“…you made all this?” you ask.
He shrugs, a little too casual.
“Yeah. Well—some of it. I didn’t exactly bake the bread.”
A small smile tugs at your mouth as you step closer, eyes catching on the pile of blankets again. There are a lot of them, more than necessary. Some mismatched. One folded into itself like it gave up halfway through.
You glance at him.
“James.”
“Yeah?”
“…what is all this?”
He follows your gaze and hesitates.
“I—” He exhales through his nose, rubbing the back of his neck again. “I tried to make a nest.”
You blink.
“A nest?”
“Yeah.” He gives a half-shrug, like he’s trying to play it off before it can matter too much. “I don’t know. I don't remember much from how courting works… only bits of it. Not really. Just—” He gestures vaguely at the blankets. “This is probably wrong.”
You don’t say anything right away.
“I know I’m just an alpha,” he adds, quieter now, almost under his breath. “I don’t know how this is supposed to look I just know that in my offering needs my scent and I—.”
“It’s perfect,” you say softly stopping him as you step closer, close enough that the space between you disappears again, like it always seems to now.
He huffs lightly.
“It’s really not—”
“It is,” you interrupt gently.
“Not because of how it looks,” you continue, softer now. “Because you made it.”
You can see the tension in his shoulders eases, just slightly.
“Besides,” you add, glancing back at the blankets with a small smile, “I think you overdid it.”
He lets out a quiet laugh.
“Yeah. I got that feeling halfway through.”
You step onto the blankets, sinking into them a little as you settle down. It’s warm and soft, his scent crowding you in the best way possible, teakwood and ocean salt, comforting in a way that feels familiar. He watches you for a second like he’s making sure you actually like it, then joins you.
You reach for a piece of bread and break it in half to hand him the other. He takes it without hesitationn and you eat, quietly. No ceremony or royal flare, just this. The candles flicker around you, the sky deepening into night overhead, at some point, your shoulder brushes his. Neither of you moves away.
“You know,” you murmur after a while, “this is better than the dining hall.”
“Yeah?”
“Much.”
He nods.
“Good," he pauses, brushing crumbs from his palm. “I wanted something that felt like before.”
You glance at him.
“It does.”
Another pause, quieter this time, full in a different way. You shift slightly, settling more comfortably into the blankets, into him. The candles flicker lower, their light softer now near fading, shadows stretching across the blankets. Somewhere beyond the gardens, the palace continues on in the distance, voices, footsteps, life, but it feels far away from here.
From this.
You don’t realize you’ve gone quiet until you notice he has too. The conversation fades naturally, like it’s run its course without either of you needing to force it and in its place something else lingers. You glance at him and he’s already looking at you. It’s not sudden, not sharp, just a moment that stretches a little longer than it should. Your breath catches slightly, not from nerves, not really but from the weight of everything that led here. The road. The mountains. The fear. The choosing. All of it sitting quietly between you now, and neither of you looks away. He shifts first slowly, like he’s giving you time to stop him if you want to. You don’t so you meet him halfway. It’s small, the way it happens, subtle and gentle. The space between you closing inch by inch until it isn’t there anymore. His hand finds yours again and your fingers curl into his without thinking.
Then he leans in when your lips meet, it’s soft at first, testing, like both of you are still learning what this is allowed to be now that nothing is forcing it apart. But it doesn’t stay uncertain for long, because you already know each other, know the way the other breathes, the way the other moves, the way everything settles into place when you’re close. It deepens like embers glow hot in a flame, like something finally clicking into alignment. You shift closer without thinking, your shoulder pressing into his, your hand tightening slightly in his as if grounding yourself in the moment. He leans into you in return, steady and warm, like he’s anchoring himself there too. When you finally pull back, it’s only barely. Your foreheads rest together, your breathing a little uneven, your eyes still half-focused on each other.
There’s a quiet there again, but it’s different now like something you didn’t fully realize you were holding onto has finally been set down.
His thumb brushes lightly against your hand.
“You okay?” he murmurs and you nod, a small smile pulling at your lips.
“Yeah," you hum through a smile. “Better than okay.”
He exhales a quiet laugh at that, the tension in him easing in a way you can feel.
“Good,” he says.
The moment lingers, your forehead still rests against his, your breath slowly evening out, the quiet between you no longer uncertain but settled, warm, steady, and real.
And then the light changes, it’s subtle at first. A shift in the shadows. A softening of the dark. You feel it before you see it, both of you do. James’s hand tightens slightly around yours as his gaze lifts, something instinctive pulling his attention upward.
You follow it to see the clouds part without warning. And the moon—full, bright, impossibly clear breaks through the sky. Its light spills over the garden in a way that feels… different. Not just illumination, but presence. It washes over the blankets, the candles, your hands still tangled together, over both of you and everything stills. The air goes quiet in a way that doesn’t feel empty but feels held. Like the world has paused just for this. The garden fades at the edges, not disappearing, just softening, like it’s no longer the center of what matters.
And something else settles in. You can't see it, but you feel it in your bones. Something ancient watching. Your fingers tighten in his without thinking and the connection between you shifts, deepening, opening into something wider than just the moment. You feel it in your chest, in your quickening pulse. In the quiet place inside you that has always known there was something more, even before you understood what it was. Images flicker through your mind, not quite memories, not quite dreams.
A home you’ve never stood in, but somehow recognize, stone walls that feel safe instead of cold. Snow falling outside a window that doesn’t feel like something to survive but something to watch, together.
Laughter, yours and his. Your hand in his, the feeling of belonging, not to a place, not to a crown, but to each other. It moves through you like a quiet truth unfolding. You glance at him and he’s already looking at you and you know he sees it too, feels it, understands it in the same wordless way.
Not just what you are, but what you’ve chosen to be. Something ancient threads through it all, the echo of stories whispered long before either of you were born. The northern prince. The lost omega princess. Fate bonded through destiny.
The presence lingers just long enough for it to settle fully into you with a quiet certainty, a promise without words. Then just as gently as it came it fades, the garden returns, the candles flicker back into focus and the night breathes again as the moon passes over the garden walls. Sound trickles back in—the distant rustle of leaves, the faint crackle of flame.
Nothing looks different but everything feels it, there’s no question left now. James exhales slowly, like he’s just come back from somewhere far away. This time you don’t hesitate, you lean in first and he meets you immediately. The kiss is deeper this time, grounded in something deeper than love, every bit of it anchored in what you just felt, what you now understand. His hand comes up to your jaw, steady and sure, holding you there like something he has no intention of ever losing. You shift closer again, the last of the space between you disappearing completely.
Then, something shifts.
His exhale shudders against your mouth, his grip tightening just enough to make your pulse jump. The kiss deepens, slow but inevitable as his tongue traces your lower lip, and when you gasp, he takes the opportunity to claim more, his other hand sliding around to cradle the back of your neck. The sweetness melts away, replaced by something darker, hungrier. The air between you grows thick, charged with the scent of Alpha and Omega, of need and promise. You can feel the moment his instincts surge forward, his growl vibrates through your chest as his teeth graze your lip, not quite biting, not yet. But the threat of it, the promise of his control slipping, makes your body arch against his without thought as he pulls you into his lap.
His fingers flex against your skin, pulling you impossibly closer until there’s no distinction between where he ends and you begin. The kiss turns messy, consuming, tongues tangling in a rhythm that mimics something far more carnal. Your nails dig into his shoulders, dragging down the fabric of his shirt, needing more. And James answers without hesitation. His palm slides down to your waist, gripping hard enough to near bruise as he tugs you flush against him, letting you feel the hard length of him pressing insistently between your thighs. A whimper escapes you, high and needy, and he swallows it greedily, his free hand fisting in your hair to tilt your head back.
There’s no more gentleness. Only heat. Only want. Only the two of you, lost in the pull of the moon and something deeper, something inevitable.
He groans into your lips as he kisses you harder and deeper like he's trying to devour you whole. The slick heat between your thighs is impossible to ignore, your scent saturating the air, and James growls against your lips, low and possessive.
"You smell so fucking good," he rasps, his voice rough with want. "Like mine."
Your fingers tangle in his hair, pulling the tie loose until his dark strands spill free, silken and soft under your touch. You tug, just enough to make him groan against your mouth, his hips bucking up instinctively beneath you.
His hands are everywhere, rough palms skimming your waist, gripping your hips before sliding up to cup your breasts, thumbs brushing over your peaked nipples through the thin fabric of your dress. The growl that tears from his chest is pure Alpha, possessive and starving. “Fuck, you’re perfect,” he rasps, his voice wrecked. “Knew you’d feel like this—soft, warm n' mine.”
You rock against him, the hard line of his cock pressing into your core through his pants, and the friction is almost too much. A whimper slips from your lips as you grind down, chasing the delicious pressure, but James' hands tighten on your hips, halting you just as pleasure starts to crest. “Not yet,” he growls, though his own breath comes ragged. “Gonna make sure you’re ready for me.”
His free hand slips under your skirt, calloused fingers dragging up the inside of your thigh, his touch is firm but unhurried as his fingers slide beneath the soaked fabric of your panties, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear.
“Let me take care of you, sweetheart,” he murmurs, his voice a velvet rasp that makes your thighs tremble. You nod ferevently, as his fingers glide through your slickness with agonizing slowness, circling your entrance before slipping just the tip inside teasing you, maddeningly.
You whine, arching into his touch, but he hushes you with a kiss, deep and slow. “Easy, omega. I’ve got you.”
When he finally sinks a finger into you, it’s with deliberate tenderness, curling just right to make your breath hitch. His thumb swipes over your clit in gentle circles, coaxing pleasure from you in waves rather than sharp bursts. His lips trail down your jaw to your throat, sucking lightly at the tender skin there, still marking you without claiming yet. “That’s it,” he praises softly. “Let go for me.”
You shatter under his touch with a cry with hardly more effort, your orgasm washing over you like warm honey, slow and syrupy sweet. But before the aftershocks even fade, you’re writhing against him again, hands clutching at his shoulders. “James—please.”
He smiles against your skin, fond but predatory before easing you back onto the soft grass beneath you. His body covers yours completely as he lines himself up at your entrance, his gaze dark but warm. “Gonna be good for me?” he asks softly, brushing a kiss over your forehead. “Gonna let me take care of my queen?”
You nod frantically again, legs wrapping around his hips to pull him closer still. The first push is slow, agonizingly so, his cock stretching you inch by inch until he’s fully seated inside, his forehead pressed to yours. “Fuck,” he groans, voice rough. “You feel like heaven.”
Then he moves, a deep, rolling thrust that punches a gasp from your lungs. His hips snap forward again, harder this time, and your nails dig into his shoulders as pleasure coils tight in your belly. “More,” you beg, “harder—”
He obliges with a growl, fingers tangling in your hair as he drives into you, each stroke hitting that sweet spot inside until you’re sobbing his name. “That’s it,” he rasps against your neck, sucking bruises into your skin, everywhere but where you need it most. “Gonna fill you up every damn day, keep you round with my pups. My perfect queen.”
You’re close again, so close and then his teeth finally sink into your scent gland. The world explodes. Pleasure rips through you like lightning, your body clamping down around him as he spills deep inside, his knot locking you together as he murmurs sweet nothings against your skin, “Mine. Always mine.”
The bond settles between you like a promise, eternal and unbreakable as he licks the mark clean and pulls you tight against his chest. The night hums with satisfaction around you both... but it’s far from over.
Winter comes again, but it no longer feels like something to survive. Snow settles softly over the rebuilt northern kingdom, over stone set back into place by steady hands and quiet hope. The palace breathes differently now—windows open to light, laughter where silence once lived. You find him not in the grand halls but in the nursery, standing by the window with the mountains stretching beyond him, hanging up an hand carve mobile. You pause in the doorway, watching the way he has become both stronger and gentler all at once, how the past is no longer something that owns him.
When he looks up and finds you, something in his expression settles like this, here, is where he was always meant to be.
ʙᴏɴᴜꜱ ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀꜱ ɴᴏᴛᴇ › god BLESS the pea in my pod miss aluri buchanan barnes for dealing with me and my crashouts during this and making me laugh regardless. i love guys
Wanted (#9)
Pairing: Frontiersman!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader
Tags: Western AU. Shotgun Wedding. Strangers to Lovers. Slight Angst. Comfort. Domestic Fluff. Slow Burn. Smut.
Warnings: Reader has Heterochromia. Loss of Virginity. Period-Typical Gender Roles and Expectations.
Summary: She came to White Creek for a teaching position that didn't exist. He needed a wife but never expected to find one like this.
Word Count: 10k
Previous Chapter - Masterlist
The cabin was warm when he pushed through the door, the fire already built up, and the smell of something cooking hit him immediately.
She was at the stove, her back to him, stirring something in the pot. The beige dress was replaced with the blue one, the one she wore most evenings. Her hair was still in that braid, though she'd clearly redone it. Neater now than it had been when she'd left the camp.
She turned when she heard the door, and for a moment they just looked at each other.
Except she didn't quite look at him. Her eyes met his for barely a second before sliding away, focusing somewhere past his shoulder.
"You're late," she said quietly. "I was starting to worry."
Her voice was steady enough, but there was something in the way she held herself, shoulders slightly drawn in, hand gripping the wooden spoon a little too tightly.
"Miller wanted to finish the section we were workin’ on," he said, setting down his lunch pail on the table. The same pail she'd walked all that way to bring him. "Took longer than expected."
She nodded, still not looking at him directly, and turned back to the stove. "Dinner's almost ready. I made stew."
She was focused intently on stirring the pot, like it required her complete concentration. Like she couldn't risk looking at him while she did it.
Shit.
So he did scare her.
Or made her uncomfortable enough that she couldn't even meet his eyes anymore.
He stood there for a moment, watching the way she kept her face carefully angled away from him.
"I should wash up," he said finally, his voice coming out rougher than he intended.
"There's water in the basin."
He moved to the counter, rolling up his sleeves, trying to figure out what the hell he was supposed to say.
----
They ate in silence.
She'd set the table the way she always did, plates, spoons, bread wrapped in cloth. But she kept her eyes down, focused on her bowl, eating with small movements.
Every time he looked at her, she found something else to focus on. The bread. Her spoon. The grain of the wood table.
Anywhere but him.
He made it halfway through his stew before he couldn't take it anymore.
"We need to talk," he said.
Her spoon paused halfway to her mouth. She set it down carefully, still not looking up.
"About what happened today," he continued. "At the camp."
She nodded once, a tiny jerk of her chin, but didn't say anything.
He took a breath.
"I'm sorry," he said. "For the way I... for how I handled things. I shouldn't have-" He stopped, trying to find the right words. "You came all that way to bring me lunch, and I repaid that by draggin’ you behind a tree and-"
"You didn't drag me," she said quietly, still looking at her bowl.
"I was rough with you. Demandin’. And anyone could have seen us, and I-" He ran a hand through his hair. "You deserved better than that."
She was quiet for a moment. Then, so quietly he almost missed it: "I didn't mind."
He stared at her.
"What?"
"I didn't mind," she repeated, barely above a whisper. "What you did. How you-" She stopped, her hands twisting together in her lap.
"Then why you ain’t lookin’ at me?"
The question hung in the air between them.
She pressed her lips together, and he watched her throat work as she swallowed.
"I don't know how to," she said finally, her voice small.
"How to what?"
"How to... act. Around you. Now." Her hands twisted tighter in her lap. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do, or say, or-"
She stopped, and he saw her chest rise and fall with a shaky breath.
"I've never..." She trailed off again, clearly struggling. "This morning, you kissed me. And touched me. And I don't know- what happens now. What you expect from me."
Understanding hit him like a fist to the chest.
She wasn't scared of him.
She was embarrassed. Uncertain. Completely out of her depth and trying to navigate something she had no framework for.
Of course she was.
He exhaled slowly and set down his spoon.
"Look at me," he said quietly. "Please."
She hesitated, then slowly -so slowly- lifted her eyes to meet his.
The vulnerability in her expression made something in his chest ache.
"What I expect from you," he said carefully, "is nothin’ you ain’t ready to give. Understand?"
She blinked, clearly trying to process that.
"But you said-" She stopped, fumbling again. "You said you were done pretending you didn't want..."
"What's mine," he finished. "Yeah. I did say that."
He leaned forward slightly, keeping his voice gentle.
"And I meant it. I want you. I ain’t goin’ to lie about that or pretend otherwise." He paused. "But wantin’ somethin’ and takin’ it are two different things. I ain’t goin’ to push you."
She was quiet for a moment, her eyes searching his face like she was trying to understand something.
"But… what if I don't know?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. "What if I don't know what I want because I don't understand what any of this is?"
He took a long drink of water, draining half the cup, his eyes on her the entire time. When he set it down, his voice was steady.
"Did you like it?" he asked. "What happened today?"
Her face flamed instantly, but she didn't look away this time.
"Yes," she said quietly.
No hesitation. No deflection. Just honest admission, even though he could see how much it cost her to say it out loud.
Something warm settled in his chest.
"Do you wanna do it again?"
Her breath caught. For a moment she just stared at him, and he could see her working through it: the embarrassment warring with something else. Want, maybe. Curiosity.
"Yes," she whispered.
He pushed his chair back from the table, the legs scraping against the floor.
"Then come here, sweet girl."
----
She stood slowly, her legs unsteady, and crossed the small distance to where he sat.
Sweet girl.
The endearment made her feel foolish. Childish. She wasn't a girl. She was twenty-six years old, married, and by all rights should have had years of experience with this sort of thing by now.
Other women her age had husbands they'd been with for years. Had children. Knew what happened between a man and woman in the dark, knew how to navigate this territory without feeling like they were stumbling blind through unfamiliar woods.
But here she was, being called sweet girl and feeling like it fit because she didn't know anything. Didn't know what to do with her hands or where to look or how to-
His hand caught hers when she got close enough, his fingers warm and calloused against her palm.
"Sit," he said gently, guiding her.
She let him position her, settling sideways across his lap with her legs draped over his thigh, her hip pressed against his stomach. One of his arms came around her waist to steady her, and suddenly she was surrounded by him: his warmth, his scent, the solid strength of his body supporting her weight.
"Comfortable?" he asked quietly.
She nodded, not trusting her voice.
His free hand came up to cup her face, thumb brushing across her cheekbone the same way he had this afternoon.
"We're gonna take this slow," he said. "And if you want to stop, you tell me. Understand?"
"Yes."
"Good."
Then he leaned in and brushed his lips against hers.
Soft. Gentle. Nothing like the intensity of this afternoon, but somehow just as overwhelming.
She felt the tip of his tongue trace along her lower lip -a question, a request- and this time she knew what to do.
She opened her mouth.
The sound he made -low and approving- sent heat flooding through her body. His tongue swept inside, and she remembered what he'd shown her earlier. How to respond, how to let her own tongue meet his.
It was easier this time. Less overwhelming now that she knew what to expect. She could focus on the details: the taste of him, the warmth of his mouth, the way he angled her head slightly to deepen the kiss.
His hand at her waist tightened, pulling her closer, and she felt herself shifting on his lap without thinking about it. Turning toward him more fully, her hand came up to rest against his chest.
She could feel his heart beating under her palm. Fast. As fast as her own.
The kiss grew deeper, more intense. His tongue stroked against hers with a rhythm that made something low in her belly clench and pulse the same way it had this afternoon.
She made a small sound -couldn't help it- and felt him respond immediately. His arm tightened around her waist, his other hand sliding from her face down to the back of her neck, fingers fisting in the hair at the base of her braid.
And then, without really meaning to, she shifted again.
It started as just wanting to be closer, to angle herself better into the kiss. Her body moved before her mind could catch up: one knee lifting, seeking better balance, and then the other following.
Her skirts bunched and caught between them as she moved, layers of fabric twisting awkwardly. She felt his hands come down to her hips -steadying her, guiding her- and then he was smoothing the fabric aside with sure movements, making space.
When she finally settled fully onto his lap, her thighs bracketing his hips completely, her skirts pooling around them both, his whole body went rigid beneath her.
----
Christ.
She'd done it without thinking, he could tell. Some instinct driving her to get closer, to find a better angle. She probably didn't even realize what the position meant, what it implied.
Didn't realize that now he could feel the heat of her even through all the layers of fabric between them. That with one small shift of his hips he could press up against her in a way that would-
No.
Slow. They were taking this slow.
But his hands had already moved to her waist, gripping firmly, and he had to force himself not to pull her down harder against him.
"Sweetheart," he said, his voice coming out strained. "You know what you just did?"
She pulled back from the kiss, her eyes unfocused and hazy. "Hm?"
He looked down meaningfully at how she was positioned and watched her follow his gaze.
Understanding dawned slowly. Her eyes widened.
"Oh," she breathed. "I didn't- should I move? I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking-"
"Don't." The word came out rougher than he intended. His hands tightened at her waist, holding her in place. "Don't apologize. And don't move unless you wanna."
She stared at him, clearly trying to figure out what he meant.
"Is this... proper?" she asked uncertainly.
A low laugh escaped his lips before he could stop it. "No. Not even a little."
"Oh."
But she didn't move. Just sat there straddling his lap, her hands resting uncertainly on his shoulders, her face flushed.
"Does it bother you?" he asked quietly. "Sittin’ like this?"
She considered the question seriously, and he watched her think through it. Felt her shift slightly, experimentally, testing the position.
The movement sent a jolt straight to his groin.
"No," she said finally. "It doesn't bother me."
"Good." His hands flexed at her waist. "Because I like havin’ you here."
He pulled her back into the kiss, and this time, there was less restraint in it.
His mouth moved over hers with more intensity, more demand, and she responded eagerly, her fingers fisting into the fabric of his shirt.
One of his hands slid up from her waist to the back of her neck, fisting her braid, angling her head exactly where he wanted it. The other-
The other moved down.
Over the curve of her hip. Lower. Until his palm was cupping her rear through all the layers of skirt and petticoat, gripping firmly.
And then he pulled her forward, pressing her hips down against his.
She felt it immediately. The hard length beneath her, unmistakable even through all the fabric. Her whole body went tense with surprise.
He must have felt it because she felt him start to pull back, his hand beginning to loosen-
But before he could, before he could break the kiss or move his hand away, her body responded.
Instinct. Pure instinct.
Her hips rocked forward slightly, pressing down against that hardness, and sensation shot through her so intensely that it made her gasp against his mouth.
His grip on her tightened immediately. Both hands now, the one still in her hair, the other on her backside, holding her exactly where she was.
"Fuck," he breathed against her lips. "Do that again."
She didn't fully register what she'd done. But she understood the rough need in his voice, the way his whole body had gone tense beneath her.
So she did it again.
Rolled her hips forward, pressing down against him, and felt his whole body shudder.
The sound he made -low and broken- went straight through her. His hand on her backside tightened almost to the point of pain, guiding her movement, encouraging it.
"That's it," he muttered, his lips brushing against hers. "Just like that, darlin’."
She didn't understand what was happening to her body.
Every time she moved -every time her hips rocked forward against that hard ridge beneath her- sensation sparked through her lower body. Heat and pressure and something that made her want to press closer, move faster, chase whatever this feeling was building toward.
It was almost too much. The intensity of it, the strangeness. But she couldn't stop.
His hand was guiding her now, helping her find a rhythm, and she followed it without thinking. Rocking against him in small, deliberate movements that made her breath come faster, made heat pool low in her belly.
She could feel herself getting warmer. Could feel dampness gathering between her legs in a way that should have embarrassed her, but somehow didn't. Not when he was making those rough, broken sounds that told her he was feeling something too.
His mouth left hers, trailing down to her jaw, her neck. She felt the scrape of his teeth against sensitive skin and gasped.
"Bucky-"
"I know," he muttered against her throat. "I know, sweetheart."
But she didn't think he knew. Didn't think he understood that she felt like she was coming apart, like something was building inside her that she didn't have a name for.
Her movements became less controlled. More desperate. Chasing something she didn't understand but needed anyway.
And then his hand -the one that wasn't on her rear- moved.
Slid from her neck down over her shoulder, down further until it curved around her side. His thumb brushed the underside of her breast through her dress, and then his hand cupped it fully.
Even through the dress and chemise, she could feel the heat of his hand. The gentle pressure. The way his fingers flexed and squeezed experimentally.
No one had ever touched her there. No one. Not even herself, really, she'd been taught that such places were shameful, that touching them was sinful outside of the necessities of bathing and dressing.
But this didn't feel shameful.
It felt-
She made a sound she'd never heard herself make before. Helpless and needy and completely beyond her control.
His thumb found her nipple through the fabric and circled it deliberately.
The sensation was so intense it bordered on painful. She buried her face against his neck and her hips started moving again, faster now, more desperate.
----
He could feel her nipple harden under his touch, through the clothing. Could feel the way her whole body responded when he circled it with his thumb, the way she pressed her breast more firmly into his palm like she was asking for more pressure.
Christ, she was responsive.
And she had no idea. No idea what she was doing to him, how close he was to losing control.
She was grinding against him now, and he couldn't just sit there and take it. His hips lifted to meet hers, pressing up against her in a rhythm that matched her own. The friction was maddening, even through all the fabric, and he had to grit his teeth to keep from staining his underthings.
Every time she rocked forward, he thrust up. Creating pressure, friction, giving her something solid to grind against.
"Feels good, darlin’," he muttered against her neck. "Just- just like that, sweetheart."
She whimpered and kept chasing the sensation, and he matched her pace. His hand on her backside guided her, pulling her down harder against him with each movement. His other hand still worked her breast, thumb circling that peaked nipple in time with the roll of their hips.
The dual sensation -his hand on her breast, the pressure between her legs as she rocked against him while he thrust up to meet her- was clearly overwhelming her.
Her breath came in short gasps, her movements losing their rhythm as desperation took over.
He was going to lose his goddamn mind.
She had no idea what she was chasing. No idea that her body was building toward something, that all this friction and heat and pressure had a destination.
But he knew.
And Christ, he wanted to get her there. Wanted to feel her come apart in his arms, wanted to see what she looked like when she finally understood what her body was capable of.
But not dry-humping him through her skirts like some desperate girl hidden in a barn.
"Slow down," he said, his voice strained, even as his own hips continued to move beneath her. "Sweetheart, slow down."
"I can't-" Her voice was desperate, breathless. "Something's-"
"I know." He forced his hips to still, forced his hand on her rear to gentle its grip, trying to slow her movements even though every instinct was screaming at him to let her keep going. "I know what you're feelin’. But you need to slow down for me."
She made a frustrated sound but tried to obey, her movements becoming less frantic even though he could feel the tension thrumming through her entire body.
"That's it," he murmured. "Just like that. Slow and steady."
He guided her hips into a slower rhythm, more deliberate, and watched her face as she adjusted to it. Her eyes were closed, swollen lips parted.
Beautiful.
She was fucking beautiful like this.
"Bucky," she breathed. "I need-"
"I know what you need," he said quietly. "And I'm gonna give it to you. But not like this."
Her eyes opened, confused and hazy. "What?"
He shifted beneath her, his hands moving to her waist to still her completely.
"Stand up for me, darlin’."
She looked at him, dazed and confused, but let him guide her off his lap. Her legs were unsteady when her feet hit the floor, and he had to keep his hands at her waist to keep her from swaying.
He stood with her, his own body protesting the movement, protesting the loss of contact.
But he ignored it and took her hand, threading his fingers through hers.
"Come on," he said quietly, and started walking toward the bed.
She followed without question, her hand gripping his tightly, and he could feel the tremor running through her. Anticipation. Nervousness. Need.
When they reached the bed, he turned to face her.
Her eyes were wide, searching his face for something. Reassurance, maybe. Or permission.
"Sit down," he said gently.
----
She did, perched on the edge of the mattress, and he knelt in front of her.
"I'm goin’ to touch you," he said quietly. "Properly this time. Not through all these layers." His hands were already moving to her boots, unlacing them easily. "Is that alright?"
She nodded, her breath catching.
"I need to hear you say it, sweetheart."
"Yes," she whispered. "Yes, it's alright."
He pulled off the first boot, then the second, setting them aside carefully.
"All of them?" she asked, and he could hear the nervousness creeping into her voice. "You mean... all the layers?"
He looked up at her from where he knelt, his hands resting on her ankles.
"No," he said simply. "Not all of them. Not tonight. Unless you want me to."
He saw relief flicker across her face, followed quickly by confusion.
"Just enough," he continued, his hands sliding up to her calves, "that I can touch you properly. Make you feel good." He paused. "The dress can stay on. The chemise too, if you want. But some things..." His fingers found the tie of her petticoat through her skirt. "Some things are goin’ to be in the way of what I'm tryin’ to do."
"And… what are you trying to do?" she asked quietly.
He smiled slightly. "Make you understand what your body was chasin’ a few minutes ago."
She felt him working the petticoat loose. The garment gave around her waist, and he helped her stand just long enough to let it fall to the floor in a puddle of fabric.
She sat back down quickly, suddenly very aware that there was one less layer between her and his hands.
"The stockings too," he said quietly, and she felt his fingers at her knee, finding the ribbon that held them up.
He untied the first one slowly, deliberately, his knuckles brushing against her skin as he worked. Then he rolled the stocking down, his palms warm against her leg as the fabric slid away.
The air felt cool against her bare skin. Strange. Vulnerable.
He did the same with the other leg, just as slowly, and she found herself watching his hands work. The carefullness of his movements. The way he touched her like she was something valuable.
When both stockings were off, he set them aside and looked up at her.
"Lie back," he said.
She hesitated for just a moment, then did as he asked, scooting back on the mattress until she could lie down fully. The bed was soft beneath her back, familiar. Comforting.
He stood, and for a moment she thought he was going to join her on the bed. But instead, he moved closer to the edge of the bed where her legs dangled off the side, his hands going to her ankles.
She tensed.
"Trust me," he said quietly.
Then he started gathering her skirts.
Slowly. Inch by inch. Pushing the fabric up past her ankles, her calves, her knees.
Higher.
She felt the cool air hit her thighs and instinctively tried to press her legs together.
"Easy," he murmured, his hands pausing on her knees, gentle but firm. "Need to... get there."
The words -the implication- made her face burn.
He kept pushing the fabric higher until it was bunched around her hips, and then his hands stayed on her knees.
"Open for me, sweetheart."
She let her knees fall apart slowly, her whole body tense with nervousness.
This wasn't-
Nothing about this matched what her mother had told her.
The conversation had been brief and clinical. She hadn't expected her to marry -had made that clear enough over the years- but had given her the information anyway, a few days before passing away. Just in case.
When the time comes, you'll undress and lie down. He'll get on top of you and put his... thing inside you. It will hurt the first time. Don’t make a fuss; men don't like fussing. You stay on your back, let him do, and it will be over quickly.
That was it. That was all she knew.
Nothing about this. Nothing about lying on her back with her skirts pushed up while her husband stood between her legs, still fully clothed. Nothing about the things he'd already done: the tongue in her mouth, the touching, the way he'd made her body feel like it was on fire.
Nothing about pleasure.
She felt exposed. Vulnerable in a way that went beyond just the physical. The cool air against her bare thighs, the knowledge that he could see her now, see parts of her that no one had ever seen.
"Breathe," he said quietly, his hands still resting on her knees. "Just breathe, darlin’."
She realized she'd been holding her breath and forced herself to let it out.
His hands moved then, sliding slowly up her thighs, pushing her legs wider as he stepped closer to the edge of the bed.
And then she felt it.
His gaze.
He was looking at her. Really looking. At the most private part of her body.
She wanted to close her legs. Wanted to pull her skirts back down and hide. But his hands were firm on her thighs, keeping her open, and something in his expression -something almost reverent- kept her from protesting.
"Christ," he muttered, his voice rough. "You're perfect."
Perfect.
The word didn't make sense. How could that part of her be perfect when it was supposed to be something to hide?
His hands slid higher, his thumbs brushing dangerously close to where she could feel heat and dampness gathering, and she couldn't stop the small sound that escaped her throat.
----
He'd known what to expect, logically. But logic and reality were two very different things.
She was bare beneath her chemise and drawers, no additional undergarments in the way. Just the curls between her thighs, and beneath them-
Christ.
He could see how wet she was. Could see the evidence of her arousal glistening there, and it took every ounce of self-control he had not to just bury his face between her legs immediately.
Slow. He had to go slow.
His thumbs brushed higher, and he heard her breath catch. Watched her hips shift restlessly against the quilt.
"I'm gonna touch you here," he said quietly, one thumb sliding along the crease where her thigh met her body. So close to where he wanted to be. "Right here, where you're wet for me."
She made a sound, half gasp, half whimper.
He let his thumb drift closer, brushing through the curls, and her whole body jerked at the contact.
"And then," he continued, his voice dropping lower, "I'm gonna use my mouth."
The silence that followed was absolute.
He looked up and found her staring at him, eyes wide with shock.
"Your-" She couldn't seem to finish the sentence. "You're going to put your mouth... there?"
"Yes."
"But that's-" Her face was burning now, he could see it even in the dim firelight. "Why would you-"
"Because it's gonna feel good," he said simply. "Better than anythin’ you've felt so far. And because I want to." He paused, holding her gaze. "Do you trust me?"
She stared at him for a long moment, clearly trying to reconcile what he was telling her with everything she'd been taught about what was proper, what was decent.
Finally, she nodded.
"Say it," he said quietly. "I need to hear you say it."
"I trust you," she whispered.
Then, quieter still: "Should I... rinse first? I washed this morning, but-"
"No." The word came out firm, almost harsh. He gentled his tone. "You're perfect just like this. Don't need anythin’ different."
The idea that she thought she needed to clean herself for him made something twist in his chest. She was worried about being proper. About being clean enough, good enough, acceptable enough.
He was going to show her she didn't need to worry about any of that. Not with him.
He dropped to his knees on the floor at the edge of the bed, positioning himself between her spread thighs, and let his hands slide up to grip her hips.
"I'm gonna learn what you like," he said, his thumbs brushing through the curls, and then lower, parting her folds, and she felt him touch her directly for the first time, brushing through wetness she'd been trying not to think about, exploring carefully, and every nerve ending in her body seemed to light up at once.
"Oh-" The sound escaped her before she could stop it when he caught in a little nub of flesh.
"That's it," he murmured. "Let me hear you."
His thumb circled it slowly, and she felt her hips lift off the bed without meaning to, chasing it.
Then his hand slid lower, and she felt pressure -gentle but insistent- at her entrance.
"Relax," he said quietly. "I’m gonna- just one finger. Nice and slow."
She tried to do as he said, tried to let her body soften, but when she felt him start to push inside, her whole body tensed.
It didn't hurt. Not exactly. But it was strange. The sensation of being breached, even just by one finger.
"Breathe," he reminded her, and she realized she was holding her breath again.
She exhaled shakily, and he pushed deeper.
All the way in until she could feel his knuckle pressed against her.
"Good girl," he said, his voice rough with approval. "That's good. You're doin’ so good."
Then he started to move.
Slow, shallow strokes that made her aware of muscles she'd never thought about before. Made her aware of how her body was gripping him, how the sensation shifted from strange to-
Not unpleasant.
Actually, not unpleasant at all.
His thumb found that spot again -the one that had made her gasp before- and circled it while his finger continued its steady rhythm inside her.
The dual sensation made her head fall back against the quilt, made her hips start to move with him instead of against him.
"There you go," he murmured. "Just like that. Feel good?"
She couldn't speak. Could only nod, her hands gripping the quilt again.
She felt him add a second finger, stretching her more, and the slight burn made her tense for just a moment before her body adjusted.
"Still good?" he asked.
"Yes," she managed, her voice barely recognizable. "Yes, it's-"
She couldn't finish because his fingers curled inside her, pressing against something that sent sensation shooting through her entire body.
She cried out, her back arching off the bed.
"Found it," he said, satisfaction clear in his voice.
----
Her reaction when he found that spot inside her -the way her whole body bowed, the broken sound she made- nearly undid him.
He stroked against it again, deliberately, and watched her fall apart. Watched her hips rock desperately against his hand, chasing more of whatever he was making her feel.
She was so wet now that he could hear it, the slick sound of his fingers moving inside her. It should have been obscene, but all he could think about was how responsive she was.
He kept working that spot inside her while his thumb circled her little nub, building her higher, watching her climb toward something she didn't even know was coming.
"That's it," he encouraged. "Let it build, darlin’. Don't fight it."
But he could see her start to tense, to pull back from the intensity of it, like she was scared of where it was leading.
Time for his tongue.
He left one hand between her legs, fingers still buried inside her, still stroking that sweet spot. His other hand moved to her inner thigh, holding her open and steady.
Then he leaned in and put his mouth on her.
----
The first touch made her entire body jolt.
She'd thought the fingers were overwhelming.
But this…
His tongue, warm and wet, licking directly over that spot his thumb had been circling, combined with his fingers still moving inside her, still pressing against that place that made her see stars-
It was too much.
She cried out, her hands flying from the quilt to tangle in his hair, not sure if she was trying to push him away or pull him closer.
He decided for her, his mouth staying exactly where it was, his tongue circling with the same deliberate motions his thumb had used.
Then he shifted, and instead of licking, she felt him-
Sucking.
His lips closed around that spot, and he started to pull gently. The sensation was so foreign, so strange that her mind scrambled for any reference point.
Like a baby nursing, some distant part of her brain supplied, and it should have seemed obscene, should have made her want to push him away in shame.
But she couldn't bring herself to care.
Couldn't think about propriety or decency when her entire body was lighting up like fire, when every suckle of his mouth sent sparks shooting through her.
The sounds coming from her throat didn't sound like her. Desperate, broken, pleading sounds that she couldn't control.
And she didn't care.
Couldn't care about anything except the building pressure, the heat coiling tighter and tighter in her belly, the way every suck and curl of his fingers was pushing her toward something that felt too big, too intense, like she was going to break apart if she let it happen.
"Bucky-" His name came out strangled. "I can't- something's-"
His fingers curled harder inside her, and his mouth worked that spot with renewed interest, and-
Everything shattered.
----
He felt it the moment she went over the edge.
Her entire body went rigid, her inner walls clamping down on his fingers, trying to pull them deeper. Her hands in his hair fisted it, holding his head exactly where it was.
And then she came.
Her hips bucked against his mouth, her back arched off the bed, and she made a sound he'd never forget, high and broken and completely unrestrained.
Her first orgasm. And he was giving it to her with his tongue and fingers, watching her discover what her body was capable of, feeling her pulse and clench around him as wave after wave of pleasure rolled through her.
He worked her through it, his mouth gentling but not stopping, his fingers slowing their rhythm but still moving, drawing out every last aftershock until she was trembling and pushing weakly at his head.
"Too much," she gasped. "Please-"
Only then did he pull back, withdrawing his fingers carefully and pressing one last soft kiss to her inner thigh before sitting back on his heels.
He looked up at her.
She was wrecked. Hair falling out of her braid, chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath. Her legs were still spread, trembling slightly, and he could see how fucking wet she was, glistening in the firelight.
Perfect.
----
She couldn't move.
Couldn't think.
She lay there staring at the ceiling beams, trying to understand what had just happened to her. Trying to find words for the sensation that had ripped through her body, for the way she'd completely lost control, for the sounds she'd made-
Oh God, the sounds she'd made.
Heat flooded her face as awareness slowly returned. She became conscious of how she was lying, legs still spread, skirts bunched around her waist, completely exposed.
And he was looking at her.
She could feel his gaze even without seeing him, and suddenly the vulnerability of her position crashed over her like cold water.
She tried to close her legs, tried to pull her skirts down, but her limbs felt heavy and uncoordinated. Her hands fumbled with the fabric, shaking.
"Hey," he said quietly. "Easy."
She heard him stand, felt the bed dip as he sat down beside her, and then his hands were there, gently helping her straighten her skirts, covering her.
She still couldn't look at him. Couldn't meet his eyes after what she'd just let him do, after the way she'd fallen apart, after-
"Look at me, sweetheart."
The command was soft but firm, and her eyes obeyed before her brain could override them.
He was looking at her with an expression she couldn't quite read. Satisfaction, yes. But also something else. Something almost tender.
"That," he said quietly, "was perfect. You were perfect."
She felt her eyes wanting to slide away, to look anywhere but at him, but before she could, he spoke again.
"Did it feel good?"
She knew he already knew the answer. Had heard it in the sounds she'd made, felt it in the way her body had responded to him.
But he was asking anyway. Wanted to hear her say it.
"Yes," she whispered.
"Then there ain't nothin' to be ashamed of," he said firmly. "What just happened -what we just did- that's somethin' men and women do together. In private. In their marriage bed" He paused. "It ain’t wrong or shameful. It's natural."
She wanted to believe him. Wanted to let his words sink in and wash away the years of being taught that her body was something to be hidden, controlled, and never enjoyed.
But it was hard to unlearn a lifetime of shame in one night.
She pushed herself up on her elbows, needing not to be flat on her back anymore while they talked. The position felt too vulnerable, too unequal with him sitting beside her.
He seemed to understand, because he shifted, lying down next to her on his side, propping his head up on one hand so they were more level.
Better.
She could breathe a little easier like this.
"I thought..." she started, then stopped.
"What did you think?" he prompted gently.
She took a breath, forcing herself to continue.
"I thought that what happened between... between a husband and wife was just..." She gestured vaguely, her face burning. "Putting... not hands. Or mouths. Just..."
She couldn't finish, but she saw the understanding in his expression.
"Just the act itself," he said.
She nodded, relieved he'd said it, so she didn't have to.
He was quiet for a moment, seeming to choose his words carefully.
"Sometimes it is like that," he said finally. "The man does what he needs to do, and that's... that's all it is."
She nodded slowly. That matched what her mother had told her.
"I ain't gonna lie to you," he continued. "There'll be times when the need is strong enough that we might skip straight to the act itself. That happens. Men..." He paused, seeming to search for the right words. "Men have needs that can be pretty insistent."
She felt her face warm but nodded again.
"But in my experience," he said, his voice dropping lower, more intimate, "when the woman feels good, the man enjoys himself a hell of a lot more too." His eyes held hers. "I liked hearin’ those sounds you made, feelin’ you come apart under my hands and mouth."
The directness of it made her face burn again.
"So yeah," he continued, "we could do it the other way. But why would I want that when I could have you wantin’ it, instead of just doin’ your duty?"
He reached out and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, the gesture casual and affectionate.
"Does that make sense?"
She nodded, processing his words. Then her eyes drifted downward -just for a moment, just a brief glance- and landed on the obvious bulge straining against his trousers.
Heat flooded her face, but she forced herself to ask.
"And... and that?"
His eyebrows rose slightly. "What about it?"
She gestured vaguely, unable to make herself say it out loud. "Does it... will it just... go away? On its own?"
Something flickered in his expression. Surprise, maybe, or amusement, though not unkind.
"Eventually," he said. "Given enough time, yeah, it'll go down on its own."
"Oh."
"But the way I'm feelin’ right now…" He shifted slightly, and she saw his jaw clench. "I'm probably gonna need to step outside and take care of it myself."
She blinked, trying to understand what he meant. Take care of it himself?
How did one...?
Her confusion must have shown on her face because his expression softened.
"I'll handle it," he said simply. "Don't worry about it."
But she was curious now. Curious in a way that probably wasn't proper, but that she couldn't quite suppress.
She opened her mouth, then closed it. Tried again.
"How do you-" She stopped, frustrated with her own inability to just ask. "I mean, what do you... do?"
----
He was going to die.
Right here, right now, from this conversation alone.
His wife -his sheltered wife who twenty minutes ago hadn't even known what an orgasm was- was asking him how he jerked off.
He took a breath, trying to find words that wouldn't completely scandalize her while still being honest.
"I know you ain't never seen one," he said, gesturing vaguely toward his crotch. "A man's... member."
She shook her head quickly, her face flaming.
"But have you ever seen one on an animal?" he asked, trying to find some kind of reference point.
Her eyes widened slightly. "I've... yes. Horses… in the street. Sometimes."
He couldn't help it; a laugh escaped his lips, though he tried to smother it quickly. "Well, it ain't quite that... dramatic. But the general idea is similar."
She was staring at him now, clearly trying to process this information.
"So when I take care of it," he continued, "I... wrap my hand around it. And I move my hand up and down. Along the length of it. Until-" He stopped, not sure how explicit to be.
"Until?" she prompted quietly.
"Until I finish," he said simply.
She was quiet for a moment, and he could practically see her mind working, trying to form a mental picture of what he was describing without any actual visual reference.
----
She was trying to imagine it.
His hand wrapped around... that. Moving up and down. The mechanics of it made a certain logical sense, she supposed, even if the reality was still completely foreign to her.
She thought about what had just happened. About how he'd used his hands and his mouth to make her feel things she'd never imagined possible. About how patient he'd been, how careful, how focused on her pleasure.
And now he was going to go outside -alone, in the cold- and take care of his own need by himself.
It didn't seem fair.
More than that, it didn't seem right.
She'd enjoyed what he'd done to her. Had felt cared for, cherished even, in the way he'd touched her. Shouldn't she... shouldn't she want to do the same for him?
And if she was being completely honest with herself… she was desperately curious.
Wanted to see what he looked like. Wanted to understand what she'd felt pressing against her when she'd been sitting in his lap. Wanted to know if touching him would make him make the same kinds of sounds she'd made.
But she had no idea how to ask for that.
How did one even phrase such a request?
She looked at him, opened her mouth, closed it again.
"What?" he asked gently, clearly seeing the struggle on her face.
"I..." She took a breath. "You made me feel good. And I... I want to..." She gestured helplessly. "Do the same. Is that... would that be appropriate?"
----
There was absolutely nothing appropriate about what he wanted to do after hearing those words.
He wanted to strip her naked and bury himself inside her until neither of them could think straight. Wanted to feel her wrapped around him, wanted to hear her make those sounds again while he moved in her.
But he couldn't.
Not when she'd just had her first orgasm twenty minutes ago and was still processing what that meant. Not when he was bone-tired from twelve hours at the lumberyard, muscles aching.
If he took her properly right now -the way his body was screaming for- he'd probably last all of two minutes before spilling inside her like some green kid with his first woman. And then he'd likely pass out on top of her, dead to the world, leaving her first time as some fumbled, graceless thing she'd remember for all the wrong reasons.
He wouldn't do that to her.
Wouldn't embarrass himself like that.
"You ain't gotta do that," he said, his voice strained. "This ain't about returnin' favors or what's appropriate. I wanted to make you feel good. That's all."
He saw something flicker across her face -disappointment, maybe- and felt his resolve crack.
Fuck.
If he'd been hard before, he was damn near ready to explode now. The idea of her hands on him, of her seeing him, touching him, learning what made him feel good the way he'd just learned her-
The words were out before he could stop them.
"Are you sure?"
He heard himself say it and wanted to kick himself. So much for noble restraint.
"I'm sure," she said quietly, and the curiosity and determination in her eyes completely undid him.
He took a breath, trying to get himself under control.
"Alright," he said finally. "If you want to… help, you can help."
He sat up slowly, and she mirrored the movement, both of them sitting on the edge of the bed now, facing each other.
His hands went to his suspenders first, sliding them off his shoulders. Then to the buttons of his trousers, working them open one by one, aware of her gaze tracking every movement, of her breathing coming faster.
When he pushed his trousers down just enough and reached into his drawers, he hesitated.
This was different than just being naked with a woman. This was his wife. Sheltered, inexperienced, twenty minutes ago, she hadn't even known what pleasure felt like. And now she was about to see-
He pulled himself free.
The cool air hit his overheated skin, and he hissed slightly through his teeth. He was achingly hard, had been for the better part of half an hour, and just the brush of his own hand as he took it out made his hips want to jerk forward.
He forced himself to stay still. To let her look.
Her eyes went wide.
----
She'd tried to imagine it based on what she'd felt when she'd been sitting in his lap, that hard ridge pressing against her through all the layers of fabric.
She hadn't been even close.
He was thick. Her mind immediately tried to compare it to something, anything, but came up blank. Longer than her hand could span, she thought. It curved slightly upward, and as she watched, she saw it twitch under her gaze, responding to her attention.
She couldn't look away.
The skin looked different than the rest of him, smoother somehow, pulled taut. Veins were running along the length that she could see clearly, and there was something at the tip -moisture, glistening slightly in the firelight- and she watched, fascinated, as his hand wrapped around the shaft.
Her eyes tracked downward. Below, she could see them, those she'd at least heard referenced obliquely, though never described. They hung heavy between his thighs, and she found herself wondering if touching them would make him react the way he had when she'd shifted in his lap earlier.
And that was supposed to... fit inside her?
Before she could process that thought fully, his hand moved.
She watched, transfixed, as his fingers wrapped around himself -his grip firm, almost tight- and dragged slowly from base to tip. The sound he made -low, guttural- sent a shiver down her spine.
He did it again, slower this time, and she couldn't look away from the movement. From the way his hand worked over himself, from the tension in his shoulders, from the way his jaw clenched.
Then he stopped. His hand fell away, gripping the edge of the bed instead, knuckles white.
She should have been frightened by the size of him, by the reality of what their eventual consummation would mean.
Instead, she felt that same heat starting to pool low in her belly again. Curiosity and something else. Something that made her want to reach out and touch, to see if it felt as hard as it looked, to learn him the way he'd learned her.
"Can I?" she whispered, not taking her eyes off him.
She heard his breath catch.
"Yeah," he said, his voice wrecked. "Yeah, sweetheart. You can touch me."
----
He had to make use of all his restraint to keep still as her hand reached out.
Slowly. Tentatively. Like she was approaching something that might bite.
Then her fingers made contact. Her touch was feather-light, exploratory. Just her fingertips tracing along the length, learning the shape, the texture, and he couldn't stop the groan that tore from his throat.
"It's so hard," she murmured, more to herself than to him. "But the skin is soft."
Oh yes, he definitely was going to die. Right here. Death by innocent curiosity.
Her fingertips were still just ghosting over him, curious and maddeningly gentle, and he needed-
Christ, he needed more than that.
"Wrap your hand around it," he managed, his voice strangled. "Like you saw me do."
She did, her smaller hand encircling him -not quite able to close all the way around- and he had to close his eyes against the sight of it.
Too much. It was too much.
"Move your hand, darlin’," he said, trying to keep his voice steady.
She obeyed, tentative and careful. So careful it was almost worse than not being touched at all, like she was afraid she might hurt him.
A sound escaped his throat before he could stop it.
"Want me to guide you?" he asked, trying to keep his voice gentle despite every nerve screaming for more pressure. "Show you what I need?"
"Yes," she whispered, and he heard the relief in her voice. "Please."
His hand came up to cover hers, his fingers wrapping around hers.
"I'm too far gone to let you explore right now," he said, his voice rough. "So today, I'm gonna set the pace." He paused, his hips already starting to shift restlessly. "Another time you can… touch how you want to. But right now I just need-"
He didn't finish the sentence. Just guided her hand in a long, firm stroke from base to tip.
The sound he made was broken, desperate.
"Like that," he managed. "Just like that, sweetheart."
He did it again, using her hand, setting a rhythm that was faster than she probably would have gone on her own. Showed her how much pressure to use, how to twist slightly at the top, how to-
"Fuck," he groaned, his head falling back.
----
She watched, fascinated, as his whole body responded to what they were doing.
His breathing had gone ragged. His jaw was clenched tight. The muscles in his neck stood out in sharp relief, and she could see his pulse jumping beneath the skin.
And the sounds he was making, low and rough, made her tingle between her thighs.
It was intoxicating.
His hand over hers kept guiding, kept showing her the rhythm, but she was learning quickly. Could feel the way he got harder -impossibly harder- under her palm. Could feel the moisture, making the slide easier.
"That's it," he rasped. "Christ, just like that."
His hips started moving, thrusting up into her hand, and she realized he was chasing the sensation the same way she'd chased hers earlier.
"Tighter," he said through gritted teeth. "Squeeze tighter."
She did, and his whole body shuddered.
"I'm-" His voice broke. "Close, I'm- you should-"
He was trying to say something, maybe trying to warn her, but his hand tightened over hers -the opposite of letting go- moving faster, rougher.
Everything happened fast after that.
He groaned -a deep, guttural sound- and gasped "Fuck-"
Then she saw it.
White liquid pulsing from him, coating her fingers, their joined hands. Spattering across his stomach in thick ropes.
Then she felt warmth on her cheek.
She jerked back instinctively, startled, but his hand was still clamped over hers, holding her grip firm on him as he continued to pulse and shudder.
He was still making sounds -broken, breathless sounds- his whole body rigid and trembling.
And she just... watched him in awe.
Watched him come completely undone, the way his face contorted with pleasure, the evidence of his release painting his skin, their joined hands, and -she realized- her own face.
Finally, the shuddering stopped. His body went slack, his head falling back, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.
She stayed frozen, her hand still on him, not sure what to do now.
----
It took him a long moment to come back to himself.
When he finally managed to open his eyes and look at her, his brain was still too scrambled to process what he was seeing at first.
Then it registered.
Her hand still wrapped around him, covered in his release.
His stomach smeared with it.
And… a streak of it on her cheek, just below her eye.
Oh fuck.
He hadn't warned her. Hadn't told her what would happen, what to expect, where to-
Christ, he'd spilled on his wife's face.
"Shit," he managed, his voice wrecked. "Darlin', I-"
He tried to move, but his body wasn't cooperating yet.
She was just staring at her hand, at the mess coating her fingers, with an expression he couldn't quite read.
Shock, maybe. Or curiosity. Or horror.
Probably horror.
"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I tried to warn you. Should've pulled your hand away, or-"
"It's warm," she said quietly, cutting him off.
He blinked. "What?"
She finally looked up at him, and there was wonder in her expression instead of disgust.
"It's warm," she repeated. "I didn't... I didn't know it would be warm."
"Yeah," he said, and for the first time since any of this started, he felt a flush of embarrassment creep up his neck. "It's... it's warm."
He wasn't used to talking so much about it. Explaining every detail like some kind of instructor instead of just... doing it.
And he was still mortified about her face.
A man didn't... you didn't do that to your wife. There were certain things that were meant for women you paid, not for the woman you married. And he'd just crossed that line without thinking, without even giving her the chance to-
"I'm sorry," he said again, already pushing himself up on unsteady legs. "Let me-I need to get somethin’ to clean you up."
He shoved himself back into his drawers awkwardly, not bothering with the buttons on his trousers, and crossed to where the towels hung near the basin.
His legs felt weak. His whole body felt wrung out in a way that was familiar but somehow more intense than usual.
Because it had been her. Not some quick fist in the dark or a paid fuck with a sporting woman who had a line of men waiting after him, and didn't care whose spend she was washing off.
It was her hand, her presence, her eyes watching him come apart and it had hit different. Harder.
He dampened one of the clean towels and came back to the bed, kneeling in front of her.
"Here," he said quietly, reaching for her hand. "Let me-"
----
She'd changed into her nightgown while he'd stepped outside to dump the water from the basin, he'd said, though she suspected he'd also needed a moment to collect himself.
When he came back in, he'd stripped down to his underthings without a word and climbed into bed beside her.
Now they lay on their backs, not quite touching, both staring at the ceiling beams barely visible in the dim light. She could hear his breathing. Steady but not quite the deep rhythm of sleep.
So he wasn't asleep either.
"Was it… alright?" he asked quietly, breaking the silence. "What we did. Any of it made you uncomfortable?"
She turned her head slightly to look at him, though she could barely make out his profile in the darkness.
"I was nervous," she admitted, and something about the darkness made it easier to say. "I didn't know what to expect. Didn't know what I was supposed to do."
"But did you want to?" he pressed gently.
"Yes," she said without hesitation. "I wanted to."
She felt him relax slightly beside her.
"I just..." She paused, choosing her words. "I feel foolish sometimes. Being so ignorant at my age. Most women have been married for years, they know these things, and I-"
"Darlin'..." He rolled onto his side, propping himself up on one elbow to look down at her. She could just make out the shape of him in the darkness. "That ain't your fault."
"I know, but-"
"No," he said firmly. "You're a proper woman." His hand found hers under the quilt, fingers threading through hers. "Your ma wasn't gonna tell you anythin'. No one was. That's how they keep decent women decent, by makin' sure you don't know enough to want it."
He paused, his thumb stroking across her knuckles.
"That… ignorance, is what separates a decent woman from... well, from the kind men don't marry. So you not knowin’, it ain’t make you foolish. It just means you were raised right."
She was quiet for a moment, processing his words.
"Besides," he added, and she could hear something rough in his voice, "when you touch me like you did tonight -when you look at me like you're curious, like you want to know-" He stopped, exhaled. "That does more for me than any woman who already knows what she's doin’ ever could."
Heat crept up her neck at his words.
"Really?" she asked quietly.
"Yeah." His thumb stroked across her knuckles again. "Because knowin’ I'm the only man who's ever made you feel like that… there's nothin’ else like it."
She absorbed his words, feeling warmth spread through her chest that had nothing to do with desire and everything to do with the way he kept making her feel like she wasn't wrong or inadequate for her age.
"Can I ask you something?" she said after a moment.
"Anythin’."
She hesitated, then pushed forward. The darkness made it easier.
"Is it... is it always like this? Between spouses in the dark?"
"Like what?"
“Talking about it. You asking what I think." She turned onto her side to face him, though she still couldn't see him clearly. "My mother… made it sound like something that just happened. The man did what he needed to do, and the woman endured it. But this..."
He was quiet for a moment.
"I can't say I know what happens behind closed doors in every household," he said finally. "But from what I've heard -men talkin’ at camp, back when I served- most marriages are probably closer to what your mother described. The man takes what he needs, the woman tolerates it. That's just... how most people do things."
She heard the bedclothes rustle as he shifted closer.
"But I don't want it like that," he continued, his hand finding her face in the darkness. "Not because I'm some saint, but because-" He paused, seeming to choose his words. "A woman who's just lyin’ there waitin’ for it to be over… that don't do much for me.”
"Why?" she whispered.
"Because I'm a prideful bastard who gets off on makin’ my partner feel good,” he said quietly. “You feel good, I feel good.” His thumb stroked across her cheek. "And... because I care about you. So that's how this is gonna work between us."
She felt a smile touch her lips. "Good," she whispered.
He made a low sound of agreement, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her closer.
She let herself be pressed against his side, her head on his shoulder, his warmth surrounding her, and nuzzled against his chest, feeling the steady thrum of his heartbeat beneath her ear. Within minutes, his breathing had evened out into the deep rhythm of sleep.
She lay there listening to it, feeling the rise and fall of his chest, the weight of his arm around her, and closed her eyes.
Warm, safe, and wanted.
Next Chapter
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Weather Girl
Summary : Bucky Barnes has a harmless crush on the local weather broadcaster. He watches her every morning, and even admits it to his friends. Its not like he’ll ever meet her, right?
Pairing : Bucky Barnes x weather girl! reader (she/her)
Warnings/tags : Fluff!!! Meet cute(?), Reader is weather girl and meteorologist, Steamy, and sex is heavily implied, cursing. mention of past trauma, but not a lot. Nervous Bucky! Set after FATWS but before Thunderbolts* (let me know if I missed anything!)
Word Count : 10.6k
Notes : Hi all! This was meant to be a shorter fic, but I got carried away. Enjoy!
Bucky Barnes had really tried to like the twenty-first century.
Trying counted for something, right?
Post-war, post-everything— life was supposed to feel better. No Hydra handlers in his head, no missions, no one telling him who to be. After everything, he thought it would just be him with a notebook full of names crossed out, and a century that had sprinted ahead while he’d been frozen in place.
There were days when he didn’t feel so out of time. Sometimes, he could walk down the street without flinching at car horns. And then there were days when everything reminded him that he didn’t belong here.
He tried the things that friends suggested.
Baseball games, for one. Sam had suggested it like it was a cure-all: You like baseball. Go to a game. So Bucky went.
Baseball had always made sense to him, but the stadiums were different now. It was too big, too loud, too… commercial. Even worse, the Yankees felt wrong to support, and the Dodgers being in Los Angeles still tripped him up every single time he thought about it. He sat through a few innings, hands folded tight in his lap, before leaving with the same hollow feeling he’d arrived with.
Coffee was worse.
He liked it black, bitter, no nonsense. Now it came with foam and syrups and names he couldn’t pronounce without feeling ridiculous. He ordered the wrong thing more than once and drank it anyway, grimacing through sweetness that stuck to his tongue long after the cup was empty.
Everything felt overcomplicated.
There were too many choices to make, too much noise. Too much pressure to be something to someone.
So he built small routines, the kind his old therapist said were good for him.
One of them was the weather.
Back in the 30s and 40s, his ma used to turn on the radio every morning. The weather report would crackle through the kitchen while she moved around, apron on, humming a song. It didn’t matter if it was rain or sun. “Listen close,” she’d say, pressing a kiss to his hair. “Weather tells you how to dress for the day.”
It was… comforting.
One morning, after a whole night of being unable to sleep, he turned on the TV.
That’s when he saw you.
You were the weather newscaster, standing in front of a green-screened map with blues, greens, and yellows curling across the screen. You smiled as you spoke, not forced nor overly bright. Your voice was comforting, like the weather mattered because people mattered.
Bucky sat down on the edge of the couch without realizing.
You talked about cloud cover and chances of rain, gesturing, explaining things like storms and sunshine were just part of a bigger, understandable pattern.
When the segment ended, Bucky didn’t turn the TV off right away.
The next morning, he turned it on again.
That was all it was at first…. a routine. It was a familiar pattern to anchor himself to.
He’d wake up, make coffee, and watch the weather. He told himself it wasn’t about you, specifically. You just happened to be there.
Except… he started noticing things.
He noticed the way your brow furrowed when you talked about incoming storms, like you took it personally. He noticed how you leaned into the screen slightly when you were excited about clear skies and sunshine. He noticed your smile when you signed off, wishing everyone a good day like you genuinely hoped they’d have one.
He learned your schedule without meaning to, but not in a bad way. He just knew which mornings you’d be on, which afternoons you covered, though rare. If he missed you because he woke up too late, there was a flicker of disappointment as he pretended not to care about it.
And yeah, okay— he thought you were really pretty.
And it certainly didn’t help that Bucky caught himself wondering if you liked rainy days or just tolerated them. If you drank your coffee black or sweet. If your smile looked the same off-camera.
Still, he never lingered on those thoughts, never let them spiral. He wasn’t building some fantasy version of you in his head. He knew better than that.
It was just a crush.
A small one, harmless one.
But some mornings, he realized he’d woken up a little earlier than usual, just to be sure he wouldn’t miss you.
—
Letting Sam and Joaquin stay in his apartment after a boy's night out had felt like the decent thing to do.
Bucky had even told himself that as they stumbled through the door sometime after midnight. Sam had been riding the high of a good night out. Joaquin had been buzzing in that restless way, fueled by sugar-heavy cocktails and the thrill of getting Bucky out of his apartment for once.
The mistake became clear the moment the door shut behind them.
They stood in the living room, taking stock of the space like they hadn’t been there a dozen times before.
See, Bucky only had one spare bedroom. The other would have to stay on the couch.
“I’m taking the spare room,” Sam said immediately, toeing off his shoes.
Joaquin laughed. “What– that’s not fair!”
Bucky didn’t bother looking up as he shrugged out of his jacket. “Figure it out yourselves. I’m going to bed.”
“You hear that?” Joaquin said. “Man’s clocked out.”
“Rock, paper, scissors,” Sam announced. “Like adults.”
They tied. Once. Then twice. On the third round, Joaquin won and celebrated far more loudly than the victory warranted. Sam accused him of cheating. Joaquin accused Sam of being a sore loser. Bucky disappeared into his bedroom before it could escalate.
—
The next morning, Bucky woke before sunrise.
He laid still for a moment, staring at the ceiling, orienting himself. He moved through the apartment without thinking as the kitchen light stayed off. He measured coffee grounds, the bitter scent blooming in the air as he brewed. Sam was still sprawled across the couch, throw blanket tangled around his legs, one arm flung over his face like he’d lost a fight with gravity.
Bucky hesitated before turning on the TV.
He told himself it was a habit. Surely, Sam wouldn’t mind.
So the screen flickered to life as he turned the volume low enough not to wake anyone… at least, that had been the intention.
You appeared on-screen, framed perfectly against a colorful map. You smiled as you greeted the viewers, getting on with your job. Bucky leaned back against the counter, mug warming his hands, shoulders loosening without him noticing.
Sam stirred from his sleep, shifting beneath the blanket. He let out a quiet groan, waking too early against his will.
“Why,” he mumbled, “does it sound like a civic duty in here?”
Bucky didn’t look over. “Go back to sleep.”
Sam cracked one eye open, squinting blearily at the TV. “Why is the news on?”
“It’s just the weather,” Bucky said, casual to the point of rehearsed. “You don’t need to be awake for it.”
Sam hummed, unconvinced. Before he could say anything else, the spare bedroom door creaked open.
Joaquin shuffled out, rubbing his face, hair sticking up in defiance of any law of nature. He paused, eyes landing on the TV.
“Oh,” he said. “It’s her.”
Sam lifted his head now, more alert. “Her?”
Joaquin nodded toward the screen. “The weather girl, she used to cast in Miami. My mom loved her, even cried when she moved to New York. She used to be on all the time.”
“Well, sometimes,” Bucky corrected, maybe a little too quickly.
You were explaining a shift in pressure systems, gesturing at the metrics. Joaquin watched for a beat longer than necessary, then nodded to himself.
“…Okay,” he said, squinting at Bucky’s response. “Whatever. My cousin thinks she’s cute.”
“Yeah,” Bucky nodded fondly. The moment his reply landed in the room, he knew he’d screwed up.
Sam’s head snapped around. “Hold on.”
Bucky took a long sip of coffee, buying himself half a second that did absolutely nothing.
Joaquin’s eyes lit with sudden clarity. “Do you think she’s cute?”
Bucky felt heat creep up the back of his neck. “I meant—yeah, she’s objectively—”
“Ohhh,” Sam interrupted, sitting up now, blanket sliding off his shoulders. “Oh, no, no. That was not an objective ‘yeah.’”
Joaquin grinned, instantly energized. “Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Are you telling me—”
“No,” Bucky said firmly.
Joaquin leaned forward. “—that the Bucky Barnes—”
“Nope.”
He pointed at the TV. “—has a crush on the weather girl?”
“Fuck,” Bucky let breath out through his nose. “…Maybe?”
Big mistake. The room exploded.
“Oh my God,” Sam laughed, dragging a hand down his face. “This is incredible.”
Joaquin clutched his chest. “The Winter Soldier, reduced to heart eyes over the Weather Channel.”
“It’s not the Weather Channel,” Bucky snapped. “It’s local news.”
“Oh, even worse,” Sam teased. “He likes her accessible.”
Bucky shot him a glare. “You’re both idiots.”
Joaquin wasn’t letting it go. “How long has this been a thing?”
“It’s not a thing,” Bucky said, defensive now. “She’s just… she happens to be on in the morning. It’s routine.”
“Mmhmm,” Sam said, nodding exaggeratedly. “And you just happen to know her schedule?”
Bucky’s metal fist tightened. “…Look.”
They both leaned in.
“She’s just my type, okay?” he said finally, words tumbling out in a rush.
Joaquin’s eyebrows softened, just a bit, as Sam grinned anyway. “That’s adorable.”
“It’s just a harmless crush,” Bucky rolled his eyes. “I don’t think I know her. I don’t pretend she knows me.”
On-screen, you smiled as you wrapped up the forecast. “Looks like clear skies for most of the week. Whatever the weather, have a great morning, folks!”
Bucky’s eyes were glued to your sign off before realizing Sam and Joaquin were staring at him.
Sam nudged Joaquin. “Look at his face.”
Joaquin softened just a bit. “Aw, man.”
Bucky muttered, “I hate you both.”
Sam slapped him on the shoulder.
“I think it’s good,” Joaquin said. “Means you’re still capable of liking someone who isn’t actively shooting at you.”
Bucky huffed, though a smile creeped on his face. “Real comforting.”
—
A couple of months later, Sam was yet again stuck in Bucky’s apartment after an overnight blizzard.
After it passed, snowbanks still lined the streets like barricades, gray and uneven from plows that had done their best and moved on. The city felt wrong, quiet in places it was usually loud, crowded in the buildings that still had power and heat. People were digging themselves out, checking on neighbors, trying to piece everything back together.
Bucky watched it all from the window, mug warming his hands.
“The shelter’s doing post-storm relief,” Sam said, scrolling on his phone. “They’re short on volunteers.”
Bucky didn’t hesitate. “Let’s go.”
Sam glanced up, eyebrows lifting. “Sure”
To both of them, helping made sense, it always had. They saw a need, they filled it.
They bundled up and headed out, boots crunching through packed snow, wind biting but manageable now that the worst had passed. The shelter sat on a corner still half-buried in slush, lights blazing inside.
The moment they stepped through the doors, the noise hit them all at once.
People crowded the space, some shaking snow from their coats, others already clutching steaming cups of soup. Volunteers moved quickly, voices raised just enough to be heard. Tables were set up along the walls, one stacked high with donated coats in every size and color.
Sam was immediately flagged down by a coordinator. To be fair, she probably recognised them both.
“Here to help out?” she asked, eyeing both of them.
Sam grinned. “Born ready.”
As Bucky turned to sign in… he stopped in his tracks. His brain just stopped working.
Because you stood near the front door, hair pulled back messily, bundled in a thick sweater and scarf that looked nothing like your formal on-screen wardrobe. Your cheeks were flustered from the cold, sleeves pushed up as you were getting ready to help with the soup stall. You were laughing at something one of the coordinators said..
Sam noticed immediately.
“Oh,” he said, far too casually. “Would’cha look at that.”
Bucky’s heart slammed into his ribs.
“No,” he said quietly.
Sam leaned closer, grin already forming. “Is that—”
“No.”
“That’s the weather girl.”
“Sam.”
“That’s your weather girl.”
Bucky swallowed hard. “She’s not my anything—.”
Sam nudged him with his elbow. “Man, she’s even cuter in person!”
Bucky shot him a glare. “Do not make this weird.”
Sam’s grin only widened. “I’m not making it weird. You are making it weird by staring.”
“I’m fine,” Bucky muttered, pulling his beanie down lower. “We’re here to help.”
They were directed to different stations, mercifully, but not mercifully enough.
Sam was assigned to give away donated coats, and somehow, Bucky was assigned to the soup stall— the very same soup stall you were assigned to.
You approached with a box of cups, setting them down gently. “Hey,are you good to ladle, or do you want me to—”
You looked up. Your eyes flicked to his face, then squinted just a fraction. “You’re new around here,” you mentioned with a smile, before telling him your name in introduction.
Bucky’s mouth went dry. What was he supposed to say? I already know who you are? I watch you every morning? No fucking way.
“Uh…” he said intelligently.
Sam, passing behind them with a crate of gloves, slowed to a stop and watched.
Bucky didn’t look at him.
“I… nice to meet you. And I-I can—uh, ladle,” Bucky said, clearing his throat. “I’m… yeah. I’m good.”
You smiled at him, making his knees feel vaguely unreliable. “Great. Team soup, then.”
He nodded way too fast.
You both worked in silence at first. The line was steady, from families to elderly couples to people stamping snow from their boots, hands shaking as they wrapped them around warm cups. Bucky focused on the repeated motion: scoop, pour, slide the cup forward.
He kept his gaze down, keeping his hands hidden under the gloves as he continued to pretend not to know exactly who you were.
You, on the other hand, watched him with curiosity.
After a few minutes, you spoke again.
“You do this often?” you said lightly, handing a cup to a woman with a grateful smile.
Bucky shrugged. “Just… doing what needs doing.”
You glanced at his gloves and the way his shoulders stayed slightly hunched, like he was trying to fold inward.
Then you looked back at his face.
“You did a good job,” you said.
Bucky blinked. “With… soup?”
Your lips twitched into a sweet smile, head tilting.
“With the GRC,” you said quietly. “Things were… a mess. Still are, feels like”
The ladle froze mid-air.
Fuck. You… recognised him?
His heart skipped a beat as his mouth took off at a sprint.
“Oh,” he managed. “I—uh—”
You smiled again, gentler this time. You weren’t starstruck, nor invasive. You were just… sincere.
“You handled it with a lot of compassion,” you continued. “I remember watching the live coverage in the office.”
Bucky’s ears burned.
Sam, across the room, caught his eye and mouthed SHE KNOWS YOU.
Bucky did not look back.
“I was just… following Cap’s lead,” he said, because that was safer.
You studied him for a moment longer, then nodded. “Still. It mattered.”
Snow whipped past the windows outside. The line kept moving. The world kept going.
Inside, Bucky Barnes was quietly, internally losing his mind.
You handed him another stack of cups as he tried to focus very hard on the soup.
“Thanks,” he said, voice low.
“Anytime,” you replied with a chuckle.
Over the next few hours, he realised you were chatty in the most charming way.
It started small.
You commented on the soup temperature. Joked that the ladle was deceptively heavy. Mentioned that snowstorms always made communities unite, like shared misery unlocked manners. Bucky responded with short answers at first, and you didn’t seem to mind. You just adjusted, met him where he was, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Conversation was… easy. He didn’t feel like he was calculating every word, didn’t feel like he was performing Normal Guy Behavior™. You filled gaps naturally, let silences exist without making them awkward. When he spoke, you listened like what he said mattered.
Internally, Bucky was losing a war.
Because in a deeply fucked-up, self-preserving corner of his brain, he’d been hoping, praying really, thats you’d secretly be awful. That you’d be rude, or fake, or condescending.
Because if you sucked, he could move on. He could chalk this whole thing up to a stupid crush and go back to watching you from a safe, distant screen. Maybe even deflate this stupid crush instantly.
But no.
Nooooo.
Instead, you just had to be a sweetheart who laughed with volunteers, remembered regulars’ names, and casually mentioning—
“I’ve been helping out here for years,” you said, shrugging like it wasn’t a big deal. “Since college, on and off. Storms just make it busier.”
Years.
Of course.
Of course you had. Of course you’d been doing good long before he ever noticed you through a screen. Of course you weren’t just someone who cared on-camera. Of course you were and inconveniently wonderful.
Bucky stared at the soup again, and thought, Fantastic. She’s kind AND committed. Kill me.
You glanced at him sideways, “You okay?”
“Yeah,” he said quickly. “Just… uh—concentrating.”
You chuckled, perhaps sensing his nerves, and something in his chest gave way.
Then the coordinator’s voice cut through the room. “Alright, new volunteers just arrived! Time to rotate stations!”
You peeled your gloves off slowly, like you weren’t in any hurry to leave the moment. “Guess we’re done.”
“Yeah,” Bucky said, immediately hating how disappointed he sounded.
You hesitated, then tilted your head at him, studying his face. “You know,” you said lightly, “you’re a lot easier to talk to than I thought a super-soldier would be.”
His heart did a stupid little backflip. “I… uh, thanks?”
You smiled, warmer now. Flirty in that way that didn’t demand anything but absolutely invited him in. “I mean it,” you said. “I’m glad we worked together.”
He nodded, hands curling slightly at his sides. Say something. Say anything.
“Hey, do you maybe want to…”
Oh God.
You looked back up at him as he swallowed hard. Do it. Don’t be a coward.
“...get coffee sometime?” He finished quickly. “If you want. Just, coffee, no foam. I mean—foam’s fine if you like it… sorry.”
Smooth. Real smooth.
For half a second, you just stared at him, then you smiled.
You didn’t look surprised. If anything, you looked pleased.
“I was hoping you’d ask,” you said, like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Bucky froze. “You were?”
“Mmhmm.” You reached into your coat pocket and pulled out your phone. “But I’m gonna make this easy on you.”
You scribbled your number on a scrap of paper from the counter and pressed it into his human palm.
“Text me,” you said, eyes meeting his. “And we’ll figure out when that date is.”
Date.
His brain short-circuited completely.
“I… okay,” he managed, nodding a little too fast. “Yeah. I can do that.”
You smiled, clearly endeared at how overwhelmed he looked. “I look forward to it, Bucky.”
—
Bucky stared at the scrap of paper like it might detonate.
Your number. It was real. Handwritten, and slightly smudged because his hands had been sweating like he was about to defuse a bomb instead of… text a woman.
He’d folded it once, unfolded it before folding again, tucking it carefully into his jacket pocket like it was fragile glass.
Sam, who just finished his part, noticed immediately.
He didn’t say anything at first. He asked if he wanted to go to a diner— which Bucky agreed to.
And during dinner, Sam just watched his best friend tap the table restlessly with his metal fingers as he held his phone in his human hand, unlocking and relocking the screen like that might summon courage through muscle memory alone.
Finally, Sam leaned back on the booth cushions, arms crossed. “You gonna tell me why you look like you’re about to jump out of a plane without a parachute?”
Bucky stopped tapping. “I’m fine.”
Sam raised an eyebrow. “You’ve opened your phone twelve times and haven’t done anything.”
Bucky scowled and lied. “That’s not true.”
“Oh, my bad. Thirteen.”
Bucky let a deep breath out through his nose, before admitting quietly, “I got her number.”
Sam froze. “You what?”
“I got her number,” Bucky repeated, like saying it again might make it less terrifying. “She… she gave it to me.”
Sam’s face looked like it was stuck between joy, disbelief, and chaos. “Whoa, Buck—”
“Don’t,” Bucky snapped, pointing a finger at him. “Don’t yell.”
Sam chuckled, eyes wide. “Sorry.”
Bucky rubbed the back of his neck. “She told me to text her.”
Sam’s grin was immediate and unstoppable.
“You will not tell anyone,” Bucky said firmly.
Sam blinked. “Anyone?”
“Anyone,” Bucky repeated. “Not Joaquin. Not even your sister. Not anyone.”
Sam tilted his head. “C’mon man.”
Bucky hesitated, eyes dropping back to his phone. “I don’t wanna jinx it.”
Sam held up two fingers like an oath. “Secret’s safe. On my life.”
“Thank you.”
“Now,” Sam added immediately, leaning forward, “are you gonna text her, or are you gonna die staring at your lock screen?”
Bucky scowled. “I’m working up to it.”
Sam watched as Bucky finally opened the messages app, typed a few words… deleted them. Tried again. Deleted again.
“What the hell are you writing?” Sam asked.
“Something normal,” Bucky said. “Not weird.”
“Define weird.”
“Anything that sounds like I’ve been thinking about her for months.”
Sam snorted. “Good call.”
Bucky tried again.
Bucky: Hey, it’s Bucky from the soup kitchen today.
He stared at it. Read it. Overthought it. Finally, he showed Sam.
“Too boring?” he asked.
Sam shrugged. “It’s fine, man. Hit send.”
Bucky’s thumb hovered.
His chest felt tight. This was worse than jumping out of planes. Worse than fighting aliens. At least their rejection wouldn't hurt.
He hit send.
The phone was silent for exactly seven seconds before it buzzed.
Bucky’s heart nearly stopped as he opened it immediately.
You: Hey, Souper Soldier :) I was hoping you’d text!
His breath left him in a rush he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.
Sam watched his face and grinned. “She replied, didn’t she?”
Bucky didn’t even try to hide it. “Yeah.”
—
The texting started… cautiously.
At least on his end.
You: Made it home without slipping on ice 👍
Bucky stared at the screen for a full minute before replying.
Bucky: Yeah. Same. Still thawing out though. I packed some extra soup and it helped.
Three dots appeared.
You: Soup is powerful like that
You: So is coffee, apparently. You seemed very serious about yours.
He huffed, a smile tugging at his lips.
Bucky: I prefer just black coffee.
Bucky: It gets the job done.
Bucky: You?
You: Oh I’m a menace
You: milk, sugar, sometimes cinnamon if I’m feeling interesting
He shook his head, fond despite himself.
From there, it got… easy.
You sent him pictures of the ridiculous snowbanks still clogging the sidewalks. He sent back a blurry photo of his coffee mugs. You teased him for being dry over text; he admitted (after some coaxing) that he was better in person.
Then, two days in…
You: So what do you actually do when you’re not saving soup kitchens?
He stared at it, metal plates rippling on his vibranium arm.
Bucky: Bit of this, bit of that.
Bucky: Helping where I can.
You: Mysterious. I like it 😌
You: I’m a little less exciting. I work in broadcasting
He blinked. What am I supposed to say?
Typed.
Deleted.
Typed again.
Bucky: Oh.
Bucky: Really?
He could feel the universe judging him.
You: Yeah! Local news
You: Mostly mornings
His soul tried to leave his body.
Bucky: That’s cool.
Cool???
He knew. He knew. He should’ve just said something like Hey, funny story, I already know this.
But instead, like a coward, he kept digging.
You: Weather, specifically. Nothing glamorous
Bucky stared at the word weather like he was solving an impossible equation.
Bucky: That’s great. People need to know about weather.
Smooth. Incredible. Nailed it.
You didn’t seem to notice his nerves through the screen. Or if you did, you found it charming.
You: You’re sweet
You: want to get that coffee this weekend?
He said yes immediately.
—
The date was simple.
It was at a small café of his choosing. It had warm lighting, and it was quiet enough that he didn’t feel like the walls were closing in. You waved when you saw him, bundled in a coat and scarf, smiling like this wasn’t the most terrifying thing he’d done in years.
Conversation flowed like it had at the shelter, maybe even better.
You talked about early mornings, about learning to smile on camera even when you were exhausted, about how weather felt personal because it affected everyone. He listened, genuinely fascinated, occasionally tripping over the fact and deflecting over the fact that he’d watched you tell him it was gonna be chilly over the weekend yesterday morning.
Fuck, when he developed his silly little crush on you, he had never imagined you’d be sitting across from him, laughing into your coffee.
That was a lie. Maybe he’d imagined it once or twice, but he never actually thought he’d get to do it.
At one point, you caught him staring.
“What?” you asked, amused.
“Nothing,” he said quickly. “You’re just… easy to look at.”
You chuckled, cheeks warming. “You are too, you know.”
By the time you stood to leave, his nerves were back in full force. He walked you outside, cold air biting at his cheeks.
“Well,” you said, “I had a really good time.”
“Me too,” he said, earnest. “I’d… like to do this again. If you want.”
Instead of answering right away, you stepped closer. And before his brain could reboot, you leaned up and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
His entire system shut down.
“I’d love to go on a second date,” you said warmly.
Bucky nodded, stunned. “Okay. Yeah. Definitely.”
You smiled at him one last time before heading off down the sidewalk, leaving him frozen in place, hand hovering near his cheek like he needed proof it had actually happened.
Somewhere deep down, he knew he really, really needed to tell you the truth.
But right now, all he could think was…
Holy shit. She kissed me.
—
The second date was easier.
You met him at a bookstore-themed cocktail bar tucked between a laundromat and a bodega that smelled permanently like oranges. Bucky arrived ten minutes early and spent seven of them pretending to browse a shelf labeled Modern Memoirs while actually rehearsing how not to say something unhinged. When you walked in, he forgot every plan he’d made and just… smiled.
You talked for hours.
Not the careful, surface-level kind of talking either, but real conversation. You told him about growing up watching storms roll in from your bedroom window, how weather made you feel small in a good way. He told you about Brooklyn in the forties, about baseball games, about the war. You didn’t flinch when he mentioned nightmares. You didn’t pry. You just listened, nodding like it all made sense.
At some point, you reached across the table and nudged his metal fingers with yours.
“Can I?” you asked gently.
He swallowed. “Yeah. Please.”
You traced the vibranium seams like you were learning a part of him. Bucky’s heart skipped a beat, then settled. When you left, you hugged him, and he stood there afterward thinking, oh no. This is becoming a thing.
—
The third date was dinner.
Nothing fancy. It was a small place you liked near your apartment, all brick walls and low lights. You laughed more this time. He loosened up enough to tease you about your corny ‘souper soldier’ pun, and you teased back about him being emotionally attached to black coffee. Somewhere between dessert and the check, he realized he felt… normal. Like this was just his life now.
Walking you home was not something he planned on.
The night was cold but clear, streetlights glowing against leftover snow. You talked about weekend plans, a storm system moving in next week, until you stopped outside your building.
“Well,” you said, putting your weight slightly back on your heels. “I had a really good time.”
“Me too,” he said, too quickly. Then, because he’d promised himself he would be better than his fears, he added, “I was wondering if I could—” He stopped to take a grounding breath, “—kiss you?”
You smiled, eyes warm. “Yeah,” you said. “Of course.”
He leaned in carefully, like he was approaching a goddess. The kiss was gentle at first, then sure, your hand curling into his jacket as if you’d always known where it belonged. When you pulled back, his forehead rested briefly against yours, like he needed the contact to stay upright.
You laughed quietly. “You okay?”
He nodded, dazed. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m… yeah.”
You unlocked your door and turned back to him. “Text me when you get home?”
“Absolutely,” he said, already planning to text you the second he was out of sight.
You waved and slipped inside.
Bucky stood there for a full five seconds. Then his brain caught up as he realized three things in rapid succession:
You tasted faintly like coffee and cinnamon.
His heart was trying to escape his chest.
I know where she lives now????
He blinked, looking at the door, then at the building. He felt his soul try to exit his body in a spiral of delight and terror.
He walked home in a fog, lips still burning, heart doing laps in his chest. Somewhere between your block and his, he laughed out loud, startling a passerby.
This was good. This was really good.
It didn’t, however, change the fact that he was absolutely, completely screwed.
—
The fourth date started with him standing across the street from the local broadcasting studio at four-thirty in the afternoon, hands shoved into his coat pockets, teeth clenched like he was bracing for impact.
This was nothing. This was normal. People picked each other up from work all the time. Except, he kinda knew where you worked, like, eight months before you actually told him in a text. After all, he didn’t live too far from the Channel 7 Office. To his defense, before you actually met him, he never ever, even once, thought about trying to run into you there. That would be weird.
Still, it probably explained why his heart was pounding like he was about to jump out of a quinjet.
Then the doors opened, and you stepped out.
You were dressed down compared to your on-camera look, coat slung over your arm, hair loose, face relaxed in a way he’d never seen through a screen. When your eyes found him, your smile bloomed instantly.
“Hey,” you said.
His brain went blank.
“Hey,” he managed, voice rougher than intended.
You fell into step beside him easily, like this was already a habit. On the subway ride to the Guggenheim (your idea for a date), you talked about your day. You talked about early meetings, producers arguing over graphics, and how exhausting it could be to smile before the sun was even fully up. Bucky listened like it mattered. Like you mattered. Every once in a while, you glanced at him as you spoke, checking that he was really there. He was.
Inside the museum, the space opened up around you. Bucky stood beside you under the spiraling white curves, hands tucked into his coat pockets, head tilted back as he took it in. “Feels like I’m standing inside a thought,” he chuckled.
You laughed as you moved slowly through the exhibits. Sometimes your shoulder brushed his. Sometimes your fingers found his sleeve and stayed there. He didn’t flinch when crowds pressed in, but you noticed him leaning subtly toward you as art curved upward with the building, color and shape unfolding slowly. You walked close, shoulders brushing now and then, never pulling away.
“This one always makes me feel small,” you said, staring at a massive abstract piece. “But not in a bad way.”
Bucky nodded. “Yeah. Like… perspective.”
You glanced at him. “You get it.”
Your fingers slipped around his metal finger without thinking, resting there like it belonged. He froze for half a second before relaxing into it, metal plates humming faintly beneath your touch.
By the time you stepped back outside, dusk had crept in.
“Do you…” He hesitated, heart racing. “Do you want to come back to my place?”
You didn’t even have to think about it. “Sure.”
—
His apartment felt different the moment you crossed the threshold. You kicked off your shoes, shrugged out of your coat, looked around like you were mapping him through his space. He watched you like he couldn’t quite believe this was happening.
It didn't matter, anyway. You both barely made it past the hallway.
The second it felt private enough, you pulled Bucky’s lips to yours. This kiss was deeper, more urgent than ever before. His hands found your waist on instinct, pulling you closer as if distance had suddenly become unbearable. There was no hiding behind paper-thin pretenses anymore, not that Bucky ever tried to hide his intentions of why he was bringing you home.
“I just—” He pulled back a fraction, forehead resting against yours, breath uneven. “This is okay, right?”
Your smile was unmistakably sure. “Bucky… yes.”
That was it.
The kiss resumed, heavier now. Your back hit the wall as he pressed into you, then your hands reversed it without thinking, guiding him back until his shoulders met the cool surface instead. Your mouth traced along his chin, down your neck, making him inhale sharply.
You laughed breathlessly when he fumbled with your skirt zipper and the buttons of your blouse. “Hey,” you teased gently. “Still with me?”
“Barely,” he admitted hoarsely.
You helped him, and when his shirt came off, your hands explored him like you were curious, like you wanted to learn. You swallowed, cheeks already tinged with how much you were staring. “I… I have to admit something,” you started, biting your lip like it was the only thing keeping your words from spilling over.
Bucky raised an eyebrow, “Oh yeah?”
You bit the inside of your cheek, trying not to be too nervous. “At the museum earlier… I kind of wanted to push you up against the wall.”
He froze for a second. Eyes flicked to yours, just the faintest smile playing at the corner of his mouth. “Really?”
You nodded, heat creeping up your neck. “Yeah. Nothing says art quite like… Bucky Barnes, displayed right next to a Kandinsky. But I didn’t, because… well, public space.”
Bucky’s smile became a shy grin. He pulled you closer, if it was even possible, peppering kisses on your lips. “I think I could’ve handled it,” he said confidently, surprising himself. “Even appreciated it.”
Your stomach flipped. “Bucky—” you whispered, half warning, half pleading.
“Or,” he added, tilting his head, thumb brushing along your side, “we could make tonight a private showing.”
You laughed, breathless and flustered, trying to play it cool but failing spectacularly. “I—uh… I might need a moment to… appreciate the view first,” you said, voice wobbling, teasing, but utterly incapable of hiding the heat in your chest.
Bucky’s grin widened, the kind that promised he knew exactly what he was doing. He was nervous, of course. But now he was motivated, and a motivated Bucky wasn’t something anyone should evertake for granted. He leaned in, forehead resting against yours, lips just brushing your ear. “I think I could make you forget all about appreciating the art.”
And that was it. You were undone.
After that, the bed was a blur. One moment you were pressing him up against the wall, thinking you were in control, the next he was guiding you down with reverent hands. When he landed on the mattress and helped line your waists together as you back to straddle him, the sound he made was wrecked enough to make you gain a bit of your poise back.
“Oh,” you said, almost teasing. “You okay?”
He laughed weakly. “I’m… yeah.”
You leaned down and kissed him again, and it was thorough and devastating. His hands settled at your hips, thumbs digging in like anchors. The world narrowed to the heat pooling down your core and his breath and the way your bodies fit together like they’d been working toward this for weeks.
Later, after riding each other’s high, you lay tangled together beneath the covers, skin warm and limbs heavy.
Bucky stared at the ceiling for a moment, then turned his head toward you.
“Hey,” he said quietly.
“Hey,” you answered, tracing idle patterns along his human arm.
His throat tightened, looking down. You were not just a person on a screen anymore. You were real. And perhaps, you never needed to know otherwise. “I’m really glad I met you.”
You smiled, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. “Me too.”
—
The next morning crept in too early.
Gray-blue light filtered through the curtains, city sounds still half-asleep, the clock on Bucky’s nightstand glowing 6:02 a.m. You stirred awake first, carefully, like you were navigating a minefield instead of a bed.
You slipped one leg out from under the covers, then the other, wincing when the floor felt colder than expected. You reached for your clothes as quietly as possible, gathering them up against your chest, already rehearsing how to disappear without waking him.
It didn’t work. He had super-soldier senses, after all.
“Hey,” Bucky muttered, voice still rough with sleep.
You turned slowly. He was on his side, hair a mess, eyes barely open but already focused on you like you were the most important thing in the room.
“Sorry,” you whispered. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
He pushed himself up on one elbow. “It’s okay. What time is it?”
“Early,” you said apologetically. You pulled on your blouse, smoothing it down. “I gotta run to work. I texted my coworker to see if I can borrow a blazer and shirt so I don’t have to go back to my place, but I… yeah. I need to go.” You hesitated, then smiled sheepishly. “I was gonna leave you a note.”
You leaned down and kissed him.
When you pulled back, he looked… happy, and awake now.
“I—” he cleared his throat, sitting up a little straighter. “I can drive you? If you want.”
You laughed, warm and fond. “Buck, it’s like three subway stops.”
“Oh,” he said. “Right. Yeah. That makes sense.”
You slipped your bag over your shoulder, then paused at the bedroom door. “Besides,” you added, teasing just a little, “I want you to tune in and watch.”
His heart tried to punch its way out of his chest. He absolutely could not say I do, every morning.
So instead he said, way too casual, “Uh. Okay. It’s… MetroView NY, right? Channel 7?”
You smiled, assuming he knew from picking you up yesterday. “Yeah. That one.”
Nailed it.Totally normal. Definitely not suspicious.
You reached for the door, then stopped when he spoke again.
“Hey… um,” he rubbed the back of his neck. “A couple of my friends are visiting the city tonight. They wanna check out this new dive bar. You… wanna join us?”
You turned back to him, nodding. “Yeah. Of course. Just text me the address and when.”
Relief washed over his face so visibly it made you smile. After what he did to you last night, you found it adorable that he was still kinda flustered.
As he sat straight up, you kissed him once more, quick but affectionate, and whispered, “I’ll see you tonight, then.”
—
Bucky was standing in the kitchen an hour later, coffee gone cold in his hand, shirt tugged on hastily after you left, brain replaying the exact sound of your laugh from the night before like it was on a loop he couldn’t shut off. The apartment smelled faintly like you, and it was doing absolutely nothing to help.
Right on cue, he turned the TV on.
And there you were.
You had bright studio lights on you, a polished smile, hair styled in a way that made it painfully clear you hadn’t been up all night… appreciating art. You greeted the audience like your legs weren’t still wobbly.
“Good morning,” you said cheerfully, standing in front of the weather map. “If you’re heading out early, you’ll want to bundle up, looks like the city’s still riding the weather out today.”
He choked on his coffee.
Riding the weather out. Jesus Christ, in all of his months of watching you on TV, he had never ever heard you say something like that. Especially not after you were on top him like a cowgirl last night.
But still, it could be a coincidence, right?
You clicked to the next graphic. “Yesterday’s storm cleared beautifully, though. Sometimes all it takes is a little pressure shift to make things fall into place.”
Bucky closed his eyes for half a second.
Pressure shift. It could be totally normal phrase. He was absolutely not thinking about you trailed your hands on his shoulders or the way you’d smiled at him afterward like you knew exactly what you’d done.
“And if you were out enjoying the arts last night, maybe wandering a museum,” you continued smoothly, “you might’ve noticed how the city feels a little less windy. That trend will continue over the weekend.”
He shifted his weight, heat creeping up his neck.
You gestured toward the screen again. “Today’s actually perfect for something low-key. A walk through the park, maybe. Or checking out a new dive bar while the roads stay clear.”
Bucky stared.
“And for those staying in,” you added, lips twitching just slightly, “it’s a good night for… private showings.”
He let out a strangled noise that might’ve been a laugh.
There was no way. No way that was accidental. The camera didn’t catch it, but he did, confirmed now by the quick little glint in your eye before you smiled wide again.
“Whatever you choose,” you finished, “it’s a good day to go out, or stay warm inside. Please plan accordingly, folks!”
Bucky actually laughed this time.
You signed off like nothing had happened, like you hadn’t just flirted with one specific super-soldier through an FCC-compliant forecast.
He stood there for a long moment, heartbeat loud in his ears, replaying flashes of last night, thinking about the way you’d climbed into his lap like you already knew exactly where you belonged.
His phone buzzed.
You: I kept it professional, but I figured you’d understand the subtext 😇
He huffed out a chuckle.
Bucky: I understood, sweetheart. Loud and clear.
The reply came almost instantly.
You: Good :)
You: Tonight’s forecast is still open 😉
He stared at the message, warmth spreading through his chest.
—
Later that night, you were at the dive bar a full half hour early, for no reason except for the fact that you had nothing else to do.
Your apartment had felt too still after you got home, so you’d just changed clothes, stared at yourself in the mirror longer than necessary, and eventually decided that sitting alone with your thoughts was a bad idea.
So here you were.
The bar was comfortably dim, the kind of place that smelled faintly like citrus cleaner and old wood, neon signs humming over shelves of bottles. It wasn’t crowded yet, just a couple of people nursing drinks like they had nowhere else to be.
You slid onto a stool at the bar and ordered a soda. It felt normal. No cameras, just producers in your ear. Just a denim jacket and jeans, a Tool t-shirt, and your hair down the way it never was on air.
You didn’t mind being early. It gave you time to settle.
You’d just unlocked your phone when someone sat on the stool beside you with an audible little gasp. “Oh my god.”
You glanced over, already smiling because… yeah. You knew that tone.
“You’re the weather girl.”
You laughed, and it sounded light. “I am, yeah.”
His face lit up immediately, like he’d just stumbled into a celebrity sighting he hadn’t expected to happen in a dive bar of all places. You never considered yourself a celebrity by any means, well… maybe a local one. “That’s wild. I mean, sorry. I didn’t mean to say it like that.”
“It’s okay,” you said, lifting your soda in a small toast. “Happens more than you’d think.”
He laughed, then tilted his head, squinting slightly. “You look… different.”
You raised an eyebrow, amused. “Different how?”
“More real?” He waved a hand vaguely. “Less… map.”
You snorted. “Yeah, the green screen really does a lot of heavy lifting.”
That got a proper laugh out of him. He stuck out his hand. “I’m Joaquin. Nice to meet you.”
You shook it. “Nice to meet you too, Joaquin.”
He seemed genuinely sweet. He was friendly, a little excitable in a way that felt harmless. You chatted idly for a few minutes. About how weird it was being recognized in random places. About how this bar apparently had surprisingly good fries.
Then Joaquin shifted on his stool, suddenly looking like he was working up the nerve to say something.
“So,” he said, lowering his voice just a bit. “This is gonna sound kind of weird.”
You shrugged. “That’s usually how the best conversations start.”
He chuckled, then took a breath. “I have a friend coming in tonight who has… like. A huge crush on you.”
You blinked, then laughed softly. “Oh?”
“Massive,” he said, nodding seriously. “He watches you every morning. Has for… I don’t know. Almost a year, I think.”
You were used to people who knew you, sure, used to people finding comfort in routine, in familiar faces on their screens. There was something sweet about that kind of consistency, but your “fans” usually consist of little kids who wanted to work in broadcasting when they grew up.
“Is he… weird about it?” you asked with an eyebrow raised.
“No,” Joaquin said quickly. “Not at all, I promise. He just has a harmless crush on you. Any chance you’d maybe talk to him? He’d probably die before asking for a photo, but he’d definitely appreciate it.”
You considered it for about half a second.
“Sure,” you said easily. “I can say hi.”
Joaquin’s relief was immediate. “You’re a saint, man.”
He glanced toward the door just as it opened, letting in a rush of cold air and the crowd murmur of the street outside.
“Oh,” he said, pointing. “There he is.”
You followed his gesture.
Oh.
Bucky Barnes stepped into the bar; shoulders squared, leather acket pulled close, eyes scanning the room.
His gaze found Joaquin first.
Then it slid to you, sitting next to him.
The moment recognition hit, it was like watching a system crash in real time.
He froze, just for a beat, but it was enough for his shoulders to go rigid. His steps slowed, face going utterly blank in that way that screamed oh no even if he didn’t say a word.
Joaquin, completely oblivious to the internal apocalypse happening, grinned like he’d just pulled off the greatest surprise of his life.
“That’s him,” he said cheerfully.
You set your side down slowly, eyes never leaving Bucky as he stood there looking like the universe had personally betrayed him.
You smiled fondly, just a little bit confused. “Well,” you whispered, mostly to yourself, “this just got interesting.”
Joaquin didn’t seem to hear. He lifted his arm high, waving enthusiastically over the low din of the bar. “BUCKY!”
Bucky flinched.
Not subtly, either. It was a full-body, caught-off-guard flinch. His eyes darted once more to you before snapping back to Joaquin, as if maybe, maybe, if he didn’t look directly at you again, this would all turn out to be a misunderstanding.
It didn’t.
Joaquin waved again, bigger this time, and patted the empty stool on his other side. “C’mon, man!”
Bucky swallowed and forced his legs to move.
You watched him approach, taking in the way his shoulders were stiff. God, he looked handsome, and for a while you were distracted from the matter at hand.
You schooled your expression into polite curiosity as he reached the bar.
Joaquin beamed between the two of you. “Okay, Bucky, this is—” He gestured to you dramatically as he nudged his ribs “—well. You know who she is.”
You laughed lightly and turned toward Bucky, offering your hand like you hadn’t already memorized the exact shape of his body.
“Hi,” you said warmly. “Nice to meet you.”
Bucky short-circuited.
His brain screamed. His heart tried to exit his body. His internal monologue dissolved into white noise and regret.
Oh.
Oh no.
Oh absolutely not.
His stomach dropped so hard he was pretty sure it hit the floor.
You were acting perfectly casual, perfectly unbothered, like you’d never pressed him against the wall. Like he didn’t know exactly what you sounded like when he reached that sweet spot on your neck.
Then, you met his gaze and gave the smallest smile, mouthing: Just play along.
Bucky caught it.
And immediately started spiraling worse.
Play along.
Play along with what?
Pretending he didn’t already know how you took your coffee?
Pretending he hadnt gone on four fucking dates with you already?
He stared at your outstretched hand for half a second too long before taking it, his grip careful, respectful, like he was terrified of doing anything wrong.
“Hi,” he said, voice a little too rough. “I’m… uh. Bucky. Nice to meet you too.”
You smiled at him like this was the first time you’d ever seen him, like you hadn’t woken up in his bed that morning.
Perfect.
Joaquin glanced between you, clearly delighted. “See? I told you he was cool.”
You nodded. “He told me you’re a regular viewer.”
Bucky felt his soul leave his body. Fuck.
“I—I mean,” he rushed out, already spiraling, “yeah, but not like—” He stopped himself, swallowed hard. “I just… uh. Mornings. Routine. You’re very… informative.”
Informative.
Jesus Christ.
You tilted your head, amused. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
Joaquin snorted. “Dude watches every morning,” he stage-whispered. “Once, he stayed at Sam’s for work, in Louisiana? He downloaded a VPN to get to a New York server to watch your daily weekday forecast on his phone.”
Bucky shot him a look of pure betrayal. “Joaquin—”
“What?” Joaquin said innocently. “It’s true.”
You laughed again, kind and easy, while Bucky was very very close to jst bolting out of the room.
Then Joaquin checked his phone. “Oh, by the way. Sam texted me. He’s gonna be a bit late.”
Bucky blinked. “What?”
“Yeah,” Joaquin said. “Some kinda thing came up.” He leaned back on his stool, completely at ease. “So! Guess it’s just us for a bit.”
You smiled at him again, and the weight in his chest eased just a fraction.
He shifted his weight, hands curling into his jacket sleeves.
But as he sat there, pretending this was the first time you’d ever met, Bucky couldn’t shake the thought looping endlessly through his head:
Please don’t think I’m a creep. Please don’t think I’m a creep. Please don’t—
Oh no.
She is definitely gonna think I’m a creep.
She’s gonna think I lied.
She’s gonna think I stalked her.
She’s gonna think I’m one of those guys who shows up to volunteer hoping to “run into” someone from TV.
He nodded anyway. “Y… yeah,” he said, forcing himself to breathe. “Cool. That’s… cool.”
You turned fully toward him now, resting your elbow lightly on the bar. “So,” you said conversationally, “Joaquin tells me you’re a big weather guy.”
Bucky’s ears burned.
“I—uh,” He laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I just like… knowing what’s coming.”
You hummed thoughtfully. “That makes sense.”
Did it?
Did it really?
Or did you secretly think he was a freak who built his mornings around a woman on a screen and then go looking for her in real life to pretend to to—
Joaquin, entirely unaware of the existential crisis unfolding inches away from him, grinned. “See? He’s harmless.”
Bucky exhaled through his nose, heart still racing.
You took a sip of your drink, then glanced at Bucky again, eyes dancing just a little. “So. You a regular here?”
Bucky blinked. She’s flirting. Or pretending to.Or both.
“Uh. No,” he said. “This… opened last week.”
“Mmm,” you hummed thoughtfully, as your knee brushed his under the bar.
Bucky stiffened, heartbeat skyrocketing, every memory of the past few weeks crashing into him all at once: coffee dates, stolen kisses, the way you’d laughed when he got flustered, the fact that you’d already seen him naked and were now acting like this was a meet-cute.
You leaned in slightly, just enough that only he could hear. “You’re doing great,” you whispered. “Relax.”
He nodded immediately.
You smiled, warm this time, and turned back to Joaquin like nothing had happened.
Bucky let out a shaky breath.
God help him.
If this was him playing along, he didn’t know how much longer his nervous system could survive it.
—
For the next thirty minutes, Joaquin, unfortunately, was having the time of his life.
He leaned back on his barstool like a man who believed that he was orchestrating and wingman-ing his good friend.
“So yeah,” Joaquin said casually, taking a sip of his drink, “Bucky doesn’t watch any other news channel.”
Bucky made a noise somewhere between a cough and a plea for mercy.
You tilted your head, resting your chin on your hand, eyes bright with interest. “Oh?”
Bucky tried to shoot him a warning look, but Joaquin missed it entirely.
“He knows which days you’re on,” Joaquin added. “If you’re off, he gets all grumpy. Pretends he doesn’t care, but—”
“That is not true,” Bucky cut in, face heating fast.
You smiled sweetly. “Really?”
Joaquin nodded enthusiastically. “Oh yeah. He’ll be like, ‘Huh. Must be a guest forecaster today.’ Meanwhile he’s chugging two cups of coffee.”
Bucky pressed his lips together and stared very hard at his glass.
You leaned in just a fraction, curiosity sharpening. “Two, huh?”
“Sometimes more,” Joaquin said, delighted. “Depends.”
Bucky groaned quietly. “Joaquin.”
“What?” Joaquin shrugged. “It’s endearing.”
You hummed, eyes flicking back to Bucky. “Is it?”
Bucky refused to meet your gaze. “I like… knowing what’s coming,” he said again. Weakly. Uselessly.
Joaquin snapped his fingers. “Oh! And the show. He calls it by the full name.”
Your brows lifted. “The full name?”
“Yeah,” Joaquin said. “Morning MetroView Weather Update.”
Bucky winced. “You don’t have to say it like that.”
“But that’s what it’s called,” Joaquin insisted. “You correct people when they get it wrong.”
You laughed softly. “Does he, now?”
Joaquin nodded. “One time Sam called it ‘the Channel Seven weather thing’ and Bucky was like—” He straightened, dropping his voice into a hilarious impression, “‘It’s Morning MetroView. It’s different.’”
Bucky buried his face in his hand.
You watched him with open fascination now. “Wow.”
“It’s not—” Bucky tried, then gave up, shoulders slumping. “I just… appreciate accuracy.”
Joaquin pointed at him. “See? Weather guy.”
You smiled, slow and curious. “Anything else he appreciates?”
“Oh!” Joaquin perked up. “The theme song.”
Bucky froze.
“…The theme song?” you echoed.
Joaquin nodded. “He hums it all the time.”
Bucky looked like he might actually pass away.
You stared at Joaquin, then back at Bucky. “You hum the theme song.”
“I do not,” Bucky said weakly.
Joaquin grinned. “You do. It drives me insane on missions sometimes. No offense.”
Your eyes lit up mischievously. “None taken.”
Bucky muttered, “Please stop talking,” as he pressed his forehead to the bar.
You stared at him for a beat, then chuckled. You didn’t laugh loudly or mockingly. Instead, it was a gentle, surprised laugh, like you’d stumbled onto a plot twist you hadn’t expected but appreciated.
“I just…,” you said. “Feel… professionally observed.”
Bucky peeked up at you, horrified. “I swear I wasn’t… I didn’t— I never. I mean, I wasn’t looking for you. I didn’t even think I’d ever meet you. I just—”
Joaquin checked his phone mid-rant. “Oh, hey. Sam just texted.”
Bucky looked up sharply. “What did he say?”
Joaquin stood, sliding off the stool. “He’s around the block. I’m gonna go meet him outside.”
Relief flooded Bucky’s face, right up until Joaquin pat him on the shoulder.
“You two keep talking,” Joaquin said brightly, then leaned in and winked at Bucky. “I’ll give you space.”
Bucky stared at his retreating back in horror.
You turned back toward him, smile still in place. You said nothing, but your eyes were very, very curious.
Bucky’s silence lasted approximately forty seconds after Joaquin disappeared before absolutely losing the plot.
“I just wanna say,” he started, too fast, hands already coming up like he was surrendering, “I’m not a creep. I swear to God. I didn’t… this wasn’t like a thing I planned or anything. I wasn’t tracking you or showing up places on purpose or—”
You blinked, startled, “Bucky…”
“I know how it sounds,” he rushed on, words tumbling over each other until it blended together now. “Guy watches someone on TV, knows the schedule, hums the theme song…. okay, that part sounds bad when you say it out loud! But it was just routine. It helped me feel normal. And I didn’t know you. I didn’t think I knew you. I never thought you owed me anything, or that you even knew I existed…”
He dragged a hand through his hair, looking up at the bar heavens as though any kind of divine force could save him.
“I swear I didn’t go to that soup kitchen because of you,” he added, panic in his voice. “That was real. You were just… there. And then you were nice, and kind, and… fuck, I just—please don’t think I’m some creep who built a fantasy in his head.”
You watched him unravel for a few seconds longer before closing the distance before he could spiral any further.
You… kissed him.
It was intentional. You were enough that he could feel the warmth of you, smell your perfume, register the way your hand slid lightly on the front of his chest like you were anchoring yourself there.
He froze for half a second. Then he melted.
When you pulled back, his breathing was uneven, eyes blown wide like he’d just been rebooted.
“I don’t think you’re a creep,” you said, lips still close enough that your words brushed his mouth.
He swallowed hard. “…You don’t?” he asked quietly, almost afraid to hear the answer.
You laughed, thumb tracing the seam of his jacket. “Can I tell you a secret?”
He nodded immediately. Anything to take the pressure off him. “Yeah. Please.”
Your smile turned a little sheepish. “I might’ve had a teeny tiny crush on you, too, way before I first met you.”
His eyebrows shot up. “No way.”
“Way,” you said. “I watched your press conferences all the time.” You rolled your eyes at yourself. “I used to get jealous of my on-field coworkers who got to interview you. I’d be in the studio like, ‘Cool, I’m pointing at a screen while you’re standing five feet away from Bucky Barnes.’”
He let out a stunned laugh. “You’re kidding.”
“I’m not,” you said, amused. “Guess that’s what I get for pursuing meteorology.” You hesitated, before adding, “My parents still have Howling Commandos trading cards in the attic. I found them one summer when I was home from college and absolutely lost my mind.”
He stared at you. “You can’t be serious.”
“Dead serious,” you said. “I thought I had a harmless crush, too. You are… a super soldier, y’know? Avengers-adjacent. No way you’d ever look my way.”
You met his eyes, smile turning shy.
“Well,” you continued, “until… you did.”
Bucky let out a disbelieving laugh. “That’s… that’s— wow.”
You smiled. “So.” You nudged his knee lightly with yours. “We’re even.”
Bucky laughed, nose crinkling adorably, “I guess so.”
You leaned in, voice low and teasing now. “We’re really just different sides of the same coin.”
He chuckled, tension finally breaking, shoulders relaxing as his hand slid to your waist like it had always meant to be there.
“You really don’t mind?” he asked, just to be sure.
You smiled, fingers curling into his jacket. “Bucky, you weren’t a creep about it. It’s not like you stalked or harassed me,” you reassured, “and I think… I would very much mind if you stop.”
You kissed him again.
This one was slower, your fingers sliding up into his hair, his human hand firm at your waist like an anchor. Bucky sighed into it helplessly as the bar noise faded into a dull hum. If anyone was watching, neither of you noticed. You were too distracted with each other, loving feeling the smile on his face when you tugged him closer, loving the way he followed your lead.
—
“Dude,” Joaquin said excitedly as he and Sam rounded the corner back toward the bar. “I’m telling you, you are not prepared for this.”
Sam raised a brow. “You say that a lot.”
“No, this is different,” Joaquin insisted. “We saw the weather girl. Y’know, the one Bucky watches.”
Sam stopped short, a grin spread across his face. “Oh. That weather girl.”
“Yes!” Joaquin said. “And Bucky’s talking to her right now.”
Sam chuckled under his breath. “Yeah, that tracks.”
They pushed the door open.
And there you were.
Bucky had your side leaning gently against the bar now, one hand braced beside you, the other warm and familiar at your hip. You were smiling into the kiss like you already knew something the rest of the room didn’t. Bucky looked… relaxed. He looked in a way Joaquin had literally never seen before.
“Oh damn,” Joaquin froze mid-step. “That was quick.”
Sam burst out laughing, slapping Joaquin on the shoulder. “Quick? Man, no.”
He nodded toward the two of you, still very much wrapped up in each other, completely unbothered by your audience.
“They met a couple months ago,” Sam added casually.
Joaquin turned around. “What.”
“There was a blizzard,” Sam said. “Power outages everywhere. Bucky and I volunteered at one of the shelters. She showed up to help, too.”
Joaquin stared at him, almost betrayed. “You knew this?”
Sam shrugged, still smiling. “Didn’t know it’d turn into that, but yeah.”
Joaquin looked back at the bar. He studied the way Bucky’s forehead rested against yours now, kissing your nose adorably.
“Oh,” Joaquin’s eyes widened. “That’s why he was shitting himself.”
Sam snorted. “Yep.”
“He didn’t tell her,” Joaquin whispered, horrified and delighted all at once.
Sam shook his head. “Not a chance.”
Joaquin looked back at the bar, where Bucky had leaned in to murmur something in your ear that made you laugh before pulling him right back in.
“…Wow,” Joaquin said. “They’re just—”
“Yep,” Sam cut in. “Bet they’re gonna be sucking each other’s face off by the end of the night.”
Joaquin laughed, a little awed now. “Good for him.”
“So…” Sam shrugged casually. “Drinks?”
—end.
It's me. I am girls.
nerd bucky leaving constellations on readers skin
one day he sees their bare shoulder from a shirt hanging too low, their back while they got undressed for a shower, their thighs while they rest above his lap, and/or their chest when they leaned over above him and suddenly he wants to leave marks across their skin
not just any marks nothing random
stars. constellations.
its a topic he has studied and has been interested in for a long time and now he wants to see it *on* her
he begs reader to let him mark them all over and when they agree and are finally laying underneath him (whether on their stomach or back first you decide !), bucky then explains each constellation after he completes them
their meaning, their history, everything about each one as he etches them on the skin of their back, thighs, chest, stomach, just everywhere really. maybe he’d also trace each “star” with his finger to connect them together with a twinkle of awe in his eyes?
i had this come to me while playing a game and couldn’t focus at all afterwards it sounds soo cute im ヽ(;▽;)ノ
thank you c: !! 🪿(?)
He doesn’t mean to stare.
You’re just getting ready for a shower, pulling your shirt over your head, and the fabric slips—just a little—but enough for Bucky to see the slope of your bare shoulder. The line of your spine. The soft, untouched canvas of you.
He freezes in the doorway with his book half-open in his hands, a page about ancient Greek constellations staring back at him like fate.
His mouth goes dry.
Because suddenly he wants something he’s never let himself want before.
Not to kiss you.
Not to touch you.
But to paint you—with his mouth, with his devotion, with stars only he knows how to place.
Later that night you’re sprawled across the couch, your thighs resting over his lap as you scroll your phone, unaware of the way he’s fighting for his life. Your skin is warm. Soft. Bare. And as his fingers rest innocently over your knee, he imagines marking all the places between.
He imagines making you his sky.
By the time you lean over him to reach for the remote—shirt dipping, chest brushing his breath—Bucky isn’t breathing at all.
“Sweetheart?” His voice comes out cracked. “Can I… ask you something?”
You look at him, curious and soft. “Yeah, Buck. What’s up?”
His cheeks go pink. He adjusts his glasses even though they haven’t moved.
“I wanna—this is gonna sound weird—can I leave marks on you?”
Your brows lift, but not in judgment.
“Marks?”
“Constellations.” The word escapes him on an exhale, like he’s been holding it in for hours. “Stars. The patterns. I—God, I study them all the time and then I saw your skin and… sweetheart, I’ve never wanted anything so much.”
You blink, stunned.
He keeps rambling.
“I wouldn’t do anything you don’t want—I swear—I just… it’d be gentle, just my mouth, maybe some teeth, nothing crazy, but—please. I want to see the sky on you.”
Maybe it’s the sincerity in his eyes.
Maybe it’s the way he looks like he’s asking you to give him oxygen.
But you whisper, soft and sure, “Okay, Bucky.”
His breath leaves him in a shaken rush.
And he’s already pulling you toward the bed.
---
He starts with your back.
“On your stomach, doll,” he murmurs, voice low and reverent.
You stretch out on your front, cheek pressed to the pillow, and Bucky kneels beside you like a man at an altar. His hands trace your spine delicately, almost trembling.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers, lowering himself until his lips brush the dip of your lower back. “Okay. First one.”
His mouth finds a spot just above your hip, the kiss warm and lingering. Then another, a little higher. Then another. Five gentle, blooming marks.
“Cassiopeia,” he mutters against your skin. “She was a queen—vain, yes, but she loved fiercely. The W-shape here—” He connects the dots with a single glide of his finger, barely-there pressure making you shiver. “Is her throne.”
He kisses the last point of the constellation like a promise.
He works his way upward, placing soft, methodical kisses—another pattern forming along your ribs.
“Andromeda,” he says, voice husky with affection. “Her daughter. Bound, but freed by love and courage. This one’s important.”
He draws the lines between his marks with the pad of his thumb, breathing in the goosebumps rising beneath him.
You sigh, melted, pliant under every touch.
Bucky swallows hard.
“You’re doing so good for me,” he murmurs, kissing the back of your shoulder, where he begins a new series of stars. “Perseus. The hero. See how he leans over her? Always watching. Always protecting.”
He connects those points too—slow, dragging touches that make your whole back arch.
“You still okay?” he asks gently.
You nod into the pillow. “More, Buck. Please.”
He groans—quiet, pained, undone—and flips you delicately onto your back.
---
Your chest rises with your breath as he settles between your thighs, eyes huge behind his glasses. Reverent. Starstruck.
“God,” he whispers. “You’re my whole universe.”
He begins on your sternum, his mouth warm and careful as he presses out a familiar curve of marks.
“Orion,” he explains, voice shaking. “The hunter. The belt goes here—” three kisses just below your breasts. “And his shoulders—here and here.”
He traces between each hickey with his finger, connecting the imaginary lines until the shape emerges.
You feel claimed.
Worshipped.
Adored.
Bucky looks drunk on it.
Then he bends to your lower stomach, his breath teasing your skin. “Lyra. The lyre. They say its music could charm anyone. It reminds me of your laugh… soft but impossible to ignore.”
He kisses each point, softer and slower than before, painting stars along the edge of your hip, your inner thigh.
You gasp when he bites gently—just enough to bloom color.
“That one?” His voice is gravel. “Vega. The brightest star. My favorite.”
He kisses the mark again—once, twice, like he can’t help himself.
You reach for him, cupping his jaw. “Bucky…”
His eyes flick up to yours—wide, blue, drowning.
“I need to finish,” he breathes. “Please. Let me finish the sky.”
You nod, heart thundering.
He descends again.
He maps your thighs with faint constellations, murmuring their names as he works—Cygnus along the curve of muscle, Delphinus near the crease of your hip, Aquila trailing closer and closer to where you burn for him.
Every kiss is deliberate.
Every star is placed with aching devotion.
And every time he connects them with his fingertip, your breath catches like the night sky collapsing in on itself.
When he finally lifts his head, your body is covered in inkless galaxies—blooming constellations shining under his touch.
He looks wrecked.
Awed.
In love.
“You’re my sky now,” he whispers, lying down beside you, pulling you into his arms without disturbing a single mark. “I’ll never look at the stars without thinking of you.”
You smile, warm and dizzy.
“Good,” you whisper back. “Because I’m yours, Bucky.”
He kisses your temple—soft, slow, reverent.
“Always.”
Nerd Bucky
oops? ⸝⸝ galentines event
summary: friends with benefits was supposed to be easy—until an accidental I love you sends bucky spiraling, leaving you to wonder if you were just a mistake.
pairing: bucky x female reader content warnings: ⌞18+ MDNI - suggestive themes⌝ friends with benefits, friends to lovers, implied smut, making out, light angst, emotional hurt/comfort, miscommunication, fluff, angst with a happy ending, not beta read we die like men. w/c: 2.4k a/n: guess im back on my bucky grind LOL fret not stevie ill be back for u bby boy 😻 this one made me all mushy feely inside idk why, curse you galentines collab for having such amazing prompts!
prompt: 🌶️ An accidental 'I love you'
You never talk about it.
That’s the rule, unspoken but solid. No names for what you’re doing, no future tense, no questions asked in the quiet moments after. Just heat, release, and pretending it doesn’t mean more than it does.
Friends with benefits. Easy. Safe.
Until it isn’t.
You’re still catching your breath when it happens.
The room is dim, washed in amber light from the lamp by the bed. Your skin is warm, oversensitive, nerves humming like live wires and damp with sweat. Bucky is still above you, braced on one arm so he doesn’t put his full weight on you, the other hand gentle where it cups your jaw.
He’s always like this after, careful, worshipful, like he’s afraid you might disappear if he lets go too fast.
He presses a kiss to your mouth. Slow. Soft. Nothing like the hunger from moments ago.
Another to your cheek.
Your throat.
He murmurs your name like it’s something fragile, something meant only for him. You sigh, eyes fluttering shut, still floating.
Bucky kisses you again, barely there, and then, quiet as a confession, the words slip out.
“I love you.”
They land between you like a dropped glass. He freezes.
You feel it immediately, the way his body goes rigid, the way his breath stutters against your lips. When you open your eyes, his expression is already wrecked with panic.
“I—” He pulls back, too fast. “I didn’t—shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
Your chest caves in.
“It’s okay,” you say quickly, because that’s what you always say. Because that’s what keeps things easy. “You don’t have to—”
“I shouldn’t have said that,” he rushes, scrambling off the bed like the sheets are burning him. He won’t look at you. His hands shake as he drags a shirt over his head. “I crossed a line. I’m sorry if that made things weird.”
Weird. Your heart aches at the word.
“Bucky,” you start, but he’s already backing toward the door.
“I just—I need some air,” he says. “I’ll—uh. I’ll see you.”
And then he’s gone. The door clicks shut behind him, soft and final. The room feels colder without him.
The next few days are brutal.
He doesn’t come by your apartment. Doesn’t linger after missions. Keeps conversations clipped and professional, eyes sliding past you like you’re just another teammate.
Like you’re a mistake.
You replay it over and over, his voice, the way it sounded so natural, so unguarded. You wonder if he said it out of habit. Out of comfort. Or worse out of guilt.
Maybe he didn’t mean you. Maybe you were just there.
The thought settles heavy in your chest, ugly and persistent. You tell yourself you should’ve known better. Friends with benefits never stay clean. Someone always gets hurt.
And this time, it’s you. Bucky avoiding you doesn’t look dramatic from the outside.
It looks like missed timing. Short answers. His shoulder turning just enough that you can’t catch his eye. It looks like him leaving rooms a minute before you enter them, like he’s memorized your patterns and learned how to dodge them.
It’s worse than yelling would be. At least yelling would mean you mattered enough to fight.
You start cleaning your room because you can’t sit still anymore.
It’s late, too quiet, the kind of night where your thoughts get loud if you don’t keep your hands busy. You tell yourself you’re just organizing, laundry, old mission gear, things shoved into drawers without thinking.
But everything reminds you of him.
The empty mug on your desk from the last time he stayed over. A spare dog tag you never gave back. The faint imprint on your mattress where he always slept slightly too close, like he didn’t trust the space between you.
Your chest aches. You kneel to shove things under the bed and that’s when you find it.
One of his shirts.
It’s dark gray, soft from too many washes, worn thin at the collar. You must’ve borrowed it months ago, one of those nights when he’d stayed late, when neither of you wanted to say goodnight yet. Somehow it never made its way back to him.
Your fingers curl into the fabric automatically. It still smells like him.
Not strong, just faint traces of soap and metal and something warm and familiar that makes your throat close instantly. You sink back onto your heels, clutching it to your chest like it might disappear if you don’t hold on tight enough.
This is pathetic, you think distantly. Friends with benefits don’t cry over forgotten shirts. You press the shirt to your face anyway. The dam breaks quietly.
No sobs at first just tears slipping down your cheeks, warm and relentless. You crawl onto your bed, dragging the shirt with you, and lay it across your pillow like it belongs there. Like he belongs there.
You curl around it, burying your face in the fabric.
“I didn’t mean to,” you whisper into the cotton, voice shaking. “I didn’t plan this.”
Your chest hurts with every breath. You replay his voice over and over, I love you, the way it slipped out like it was the most natural thing in the world. And then the way he’d pulled away like it burned him.
Maybe it did. Maybe you were too much. Maybe you were a place he stopped, not somewhere he meant to stay. The thought makes you cry harder.
You clutch the shirt like it’s an anchor, like it’s the only proof that what you had was real, that the way he touched you after, soft and careful, hadn’t been a lie. That the way he looked at you sometimes, like he was memorizing your face, hadn’t been imagined.
“I would’ve said it back,” you choke. “If you’d stayed.”
The pillow muffles your words. The room doesn’t answer.
You lie there for a long time, tears soaking into the borrowed fabric, heart aching with everything you didn’t get the chance to say. With the fear that you were just a moment in his life, something he could walk away from.
Eventually, exhaustion pulls you under.
You fall asleep clutching his shirt to your chest, cheek pressed to the pillow where his head should be, pretending, just for the space of a dream that he never left.
What you don’t see is Bucky spiraling just as hard.
He avoids you because every time he looks at you, his chest tightens so badly it scares him. Because saying it, I love you, felt like stepping off a cliff without knowing if there was ground on the other side.
He’s spent years wanting things he wasn’t allowed to have. You feel like the cruelest hope of all.
He’s terrified you’ll laugh it off. Or worse, tell him it didn’t mean anything to you. That he read too much into it. That you only ever wanted what you agreed on.
So he stays away. Because losing you completely feels inevitable but hearing you say you don’t love him back would destroy him. Bucky doesn’t regret saying it.
That’s the worst part.
He regrets the way it came out wrong, mumbled, careless, slipped loose in the aftermath when his guard was down and his heart was wide open. He regrets that the first time he told you he loved you, it wasn’t intentional. It wasn’t steady. It wasn’t worthy of how much he feels.
But what eats him alive…
Is that he left.
Every night since, he replays it. The look on your face when he pulled away. The way you tried to make it okay, like you always do. Like you’re used to being the one who bends so no one else has to.
He should’ve stayed. Should’ve taken a breath. Should’ve said it again, clearly, soberly, like a man who knew what he wanted.
Instead, he ran. Because loving you feels like standing on the edge of something holy and terrifying, and Bucky Barnes has a lifetime of experience convincing himself he doesn’t deserve things that good.
His apartment feels wrong without you.
Too quiet. Too empty. Like all the warmth has been sucked out of it. He hasn’t slept properly since, just lies awake staring at the ceiling, listening for sounds that aren’t there. Your laugh. Your footsteps. The soft hum you make when you’re comfortable and half-asleep.
He misses you in ways that catch him off guard.
Reaching for his phone to text you something stupid before remembering he doesn’t know what he’s allowed to say anymore. Pausing in the kitchen because he made too much coffee out of habit. Turning in bed, half-expecting to find you there, warm and solid and real.
It’s his fault.
Every bit of it. One night, he’s brushing his teeth, jaw tight, eyes rimmed red from another sleepless stretch, when he notices something by the sink.
A scrunchie.
Yours.
It’s soft cotton, a faded color you wore all the time. You always left them everywhere, on his nightstand, looped around his wrist when your hands were full, forgotten in his bathroom like you belonged there.
His chest tightens so fast it steals his breath. He picks it up slowly, like it might disappear.
His thumb rubs over the fabric, worn thin from use. He can picture it perfectly, your hair pulled up messily, a few strands always slipping loose around your face. The way you’d tug it out at the end of the day and shake your hair free with a sigh.
God.
He sinks down onto the edge of the tub, scrunchie clenched in his fist, and finally lets himself feel it all.
“I messed it up,” he whispers to the empty room.
Not the loving you part. The leaving-you-alone-with-it part.
He presses the scrunchie to his palm like it might ground him, like it might remind him how real you are. How real this is. He imagines you thinking he regrets you. The thought makes him feel sick.
“I was scared,” he says quietly, like you might hear him anyway. “I thought if I stayed… I’d ruin it. Ruin you.”
But staying away is ruining him.
He misses you so badly it aches in his bones. Misses the way you look at him like he’s something worth choosing. Misses the softness you bring into his life without even trying.
He wants another chance.
Not to take it back.
But to say it right. To look you in the eye and tell you he loves you—slow, steady, intentional. Like a promise instead of a mistake. He closes his fist around the scrunchie, eyes burning.
You don’t expect to see him.
That’s what makes it hurt worse when you do.
You’re halfway down the hallway with an armful of files when you nearly collide with a solid chest. You step back on instinct, already apologizing and then you look up.
Bucky.
He looks wrecked. Dark circles under his eyes, shoulders tense like he’s been holding himself together by sheer force of will. When his gaze lands on you, something raw flashes across his face, relief so sharp it almost looks like pain.
“Oh,” you breathe.
Neither of you moves for a second. The air between you feels fragile, charged.
“I—” you both start at the same time.
You huff out a shaky laugh, immediately regret it. “Sorry. You go.”
“No, you—” He stops, scrubs a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. I should’ve come sooner.”
Your chest tightens.
“I thought,” you say quietly, eyes dropping to the floor, “that you didn’t want to see me.”
That does it. Bucky closes the distance in two strides.
“Hey, no.” His hands come up instinctively, hovering at first like he’s afraid to touch you without permission. When your eyes shine and your lips tremble, he doesn’t hesitate anymore. He cups your face gently, grounding, familiar. “Don’t—don’t think that. Please.”
Your eyes burn despite yourself. “I just… I figured I made things complicated. That maybe you regretted—”
“Never,” he says fiercely. “Not for a second.”
A tear slips free anyway. Bucky’s whole expression crumples. He moves closer immediately, thumbs brushing under your eyes, voice soft but urgent. “Hey. Hey. It was never your fault. You hear me? None of this was.”
You let out a broken breath. “You left.”
“I know.” His forehead rests against yours, like he needs the contact as much as you do. “And that’s on me. I was scared, and I handled it wrong. I should’ve stayed. I should’ve said it right.”
Your voice wavers. “I thought I was just… a mistake.”
His breath stutters.
“God, no,” he whispers. “You were never a mistake. You were—” He swallows hard. “You were the best part of my life, and I panicked because I didn’t know how to deserve that.”
Silence stretches, heavy but honest. He pulls back just enough to look at you fully, hands still warm on your cheeks.
“I don’t regret what I said,” he continues quietly. “I regret that I said it like an accident. You deserved better than that.”
Your heart pounds.
“What are you saying, Buck?”
He exhales, steadying himself, like he’s choosing bravery on purpose this time.
“I’m asking for a second chance,” he says. “Not to pretend it didn’t happen, but to do it right. To say it right. To stay.”
Your throat closes.
“You don’t have to answer right now,” he adds quickly. “I just… I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try.”
You search his face, the fear, the hope, the sincerity written all over him.
“I would’ve said it back,” you whisper. “That night.”
His eyes soften, shining.
“I know,” he murmurs. “And if you still feel it… I want to hear it when I’m standing my ground. Not running.”
You nod, a tearful smile breaking through. He leans in, slow and careful, pressing his forehead to yours again.
“I love you,” he says clearly this time. No rush. No fear. Just truth. “And I’m not goin’ anywhere.”
And this time, you get to say it back.
"I love you too." the words are quiet, almost indistinct, but they rush through your body like a tidal wave. Crashing into your heart and pulling away leaving the tingling sea foam across your skin.
Bucky pulls you flush against him and you tuck yourself under his chin, like you were always meant to be there. You stay like that for a long while.
Together.
oops? ⸝⸝ galentines event
summary: friends with benefits was supposed to be easy—until an accidental I love you sends bucky spiraling, leaving you to wonder if you were just a mistake.
pairing: bucky x female reader content warnings: ⌞18+ MDNI - suggestive themes⌝ friends with benefits, friends to lovers, implied smut, making out, light angst, emotional hurt/comfort, miscommunication, fluff, angst with a happy ending, not beta read we die like men. w/c: 2.4k a/n: guess im back on my bucky grind LOL fret not stevie ill be back for u bby boy 😻 this one made me all mushy feely inside idk why, curse you galentines collab for having such amazing prompts!
prompt: 🌶️ An accidental 'I love you'
You never talk about it.
That’s the rule, unspoken but solid. No names for what you’re doing, no future tense, no questions asked in the quiet moments after. Just heat, release, and pretending it doesn’t mean more than it does.
Friends with benefits. Easy. Safe.
Until it isn’t.
You’re still catching your breath when it happens.
The room is dim, washed in amber light from the lamp by the bed. Your skin is warm, oversensitive, nerves humming like live wires and damp with sweat. Bucky is still above you, braced on one arm so he doesn’t put his full weight on you, the other hand gentle where it cups your jaw.
He’s always like this after, careful, worshipful, like he’s afraid you might disappear if he lets go too fast.
He presses a kiss to your mouth. Slow. Soft. Nothing like the hunger from moments ago.
Another to your cheek.
Your throat.
He murmurs your name like it’s something fragile, something meant only for him. You sigh, eyes fluttering shut, still floating.
Bucky kisses you again, barely there, and then, quiet as a confession, the words slip out.
“I love you.”
They land between you like a dropped glass. He freezes.
You feel it immediately, the way his body goes rigid, the way his breath stutters against your lips. When you open your eyes, his expression is already wrecked with panic.
“I—” He pulls back, too fast. “I didn’t—shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
Your chest caves in.
“It’s okay,” you say quickly, because that’s what you always say. Because that’s what keeps things easy. “You don’t have to—”
“I shouldn’t have said that,” he rushes, scrambling off the bed like the sheets are burning him. He won’t look at you. His hands shake as he drags a shirt over his head. “I crossed a line. I’m sorry if that made things weird.”
Weird. Your heart aches at the word.
“Bucky,” you start, but he’s already backing toward the door.
“I just—I need some air,” he says. “I’ll—uh. I’ll see you.”
And then he’s gone. The door clicks shut behind him, soft and final. The room feels colder without him.
The next few days are brutal.
He doesn’t come by your apartment. Doesn’t linger after missions. Keeps conversations clipped and professional, eyes sliding past you like you’re just another teammate.
Like you’re a mistake.
You replay it over and over, his voice, the way it sounded so natural, so unguarded. You wonder if he said it out of habit. Out of comfort. Or worse out of guilt.
Maybe he didn’t mean you. Maybe you were just there.
The thought settles heavy in your chest, ugly and persistent. You tell yourself you should’ve known better. Friends with benefits never stay clean. Someone always gets hurt.
And this time, it’s you. Bucky avoiding you doesn’t look dramatic from the outside.
It looks like missed timing. Short answers. His shoulder turning just enough that you can’t catch his eye. It looks like him leaving rooms a minute before you enter them, like he’s memorized your patterns and learned how to dodge them.
It’s worse than yelling would be. At least yelling would mean you mattered enough to fight.
You start cleaning your room because you can’t sit still anymore.
It’s late, too quiet, the kind of night where your thoughts get loud if you don’t keep your hands busy. You tell yourself you’re just organizing, laundry, old mission gear, things shoved into drawers without thinking.
But everything reminds you of him.
The empty mug on your desk from the last time he stayed over. A spare dog tag you never gave back. The faint imprint on your mattress where he always slept slightly too close, like he didn’t trust the space between you.
Your chest aches. You kneel to shove things under the bed and that’s when you find it.
One of his shirts.
It’s dark gray, soft from too many washes, worn thin at the collar. You must’ve borrowed it months ago, one of those nights when he’d stayed late, when neither of you wanted to say goodnight yet. Somehow it never made its way back to him.
Your fingers curl into the fabric automatically. It still smells like him.
Not strong, just faint traces of soap and metal and something warm and familiar that makes your throat close instantly. You sink back onto your heels, clutching it to your chest like it might disappear if you don’t hold on tight enough.
This is pathetic, you think distantly. Friends with benefits don’t cry over forgotten shirts. You press the shirt to your face anyway. The dam breaks quietly.
No sobs at first just tears slipping down your cheeks, warm and relentless. You crawl onto your bed, dragging the shirt with you, and lay it across your pillow like it belongs there. Like he belongs there.
You curl around it, burying your face in the fabric.
“I didn’t mean to,” you whisper into the cotton, voice shaking. “I didn’t plan this.”
Your chest hurts with every breath. You replay his voice over and over, I love you, the way it slipped out like it was the most natural thing in the world. And then the way he’d pulled away like it burned him.
Maybe it did. Maybe you were too much. Maybe you were a place he stopped, not somewhere he meant to stay. The thought makes you cry harder.
You clutch the shirt like it’s an anchor, like it’s the only proof that what you had was real, that the way he touched you after, soft and careful, hadn’t been a lie. That the way he looked at you sometimes, like he was memorizing your face, hadn’t been imagined.
“I would’ve said it back,” you choke. “If you’d stayed.”
The pillow muffles your words. The room doesn’t answer.
You lie there for a long time, tears soaking into the borrowed fabric, heart aching with everything you didn’t get the chance to say. With the fear that you were just a moment in his life, something he could walk away from.
Eventually, exhaustion pulls you under.
You fall asleep clutching his shirt to your chest, cheek pressed to the pillow where his head should be, pretending, just for the space of a dream that he never left.
What you don’t see is Bucky spiraling just as hard.
He avoids you because every time he looks at you, his chest tightens so badly it scares him. Because saying it, I love you, felt like stepping off a cliff without knowing if there was ground on the other side.
He’s spent years wanting things he wasn’t allowed to have. You feel like the cruelest hope of all.
He’s terrified you’ll laugh it off. Or worse, tell him it didn’t mean anything to you. That he read too much into it. That you only ever wanted what you agreed on.
So he stays away. Because losing you completely feels inevitable but hearing you say you don’t love him back would destroy him. Bucky doesn’t regret saying it.
That’s the worst part.
He regrets the way it came out wrong, mumbled, careless, slipped loose in the aftermath when his guard was down and his heart was wide open. He regrets that the first time he told you he loved you, it wasn’t intentional. It wasn’t steady. It wasn’t worthy of how much he feels.
But what eats him alive…
Is that he left.
Every night since, he replays it. The look on your face when he pulled away. The way you tried to make it okay, like you always do. Like you’re used to being the one who bends so no one else has to.
He should’ve stayed. Should’ve taken a breath. Should’ve said it again, clearly, soberly, like a man who knew what he wanted.
Instead, he ran. Because loving you feels like standing on the edge of something holy and terrifying, and Bucky Barnes has a lifetime of experience convincing himself he doesn’t deserve things that good.
His apartment feels wrong without you.
Too quiet. Too empty. Like all the warmth has been sucked out of it. He hasn’t slept properly since, just lies awake staring at the ceiling, listening for sounds that aren’t there. Your laugh. Your footsteps. The soft hum you make when you’re comfortable and half-asleep.
He misses you in ways that catch him off guard.
Reaching for his phone to text you something stupid before remembering he doesn’t know what he’s allowed to say anymore. Pausing in the kitchen because he made too much coffee out of habit. Turning in bed, half-expecting to find you there, warm and solid and real.
It’s his fault.
Every bit of it. One night, he’s brushing his teeth, jaw tight, eyes rimmed red from another sleepless stretch, when he notices something by the sink.
A scrunchie.
Yours.
It’s soft cotton, a faded color you wore all the time. You always left them everywhere, on his nightstand, looped around his wrist when your hands were full, forgotten in his bathroom like you belonged there.
His chest tightens so fast it steals his breath. He picks it up slowly, like it might disappear.
His thumb rubs over the fabric, worn thin from use. He can picture it perfectly, your hair pulled up messily, a few strands always slipping loose around your face. The way you’d tug it out at the end of the day and shake your hair free with a sigh.
God.
He sinks down onto the edge of the tub, scrunchie clenched in his fist, and finally lets himself feel it all.
“I messed it up,” he whispers to the empty room.
Not the loving you part. The leaving-you-alone-with-it part.
He presses the scrunchie to his palm like it might ground him, like it might remind him how real you are. How real this is. He imagines you thinking he regrets you. The thought makes him feel sick.
“I was scared,” he says quietly, like you might hear him anyway. “I thought if I stayed… I’d ruin it. Ruin you.”
But staying away is ruining him.
He misses you so badly it aches in his bones. Misses the way you look at him like he’s something worth choosing. Misses the softness you bring into his life without even trying.
He wants another chance.
Not to take it back.
But to say it right. To look you in the eye and tell you he loves you—slow, steady, intentional. Like a promise instead of a mistake. He closes his fist around the scrunchie, eyes burning.
You don’t expect to see him.
That’s what makes it hurt worse when you do.
You’re halfway down the hallway with an armful of files when you nearly collide with a solid chest. You step back on instinct, already apologizing and then you look up.
Bucky.
He looks wrecked. Dark circles under his eyes, shoulders tense like he’s been holding himself together by sheer force of will. When his gaze lands on you, something raw flashes across his face, relief so sharp it almost looks like pain.
“Oh,” you breathe.
Neither of you moves for a second. The air between you feels fragile, charged.
“I—” you both start at the same time.
You huff out a shaky laugh, immediately regret it. “Sorry. You go.”
“No, you—” He stops, scrubs a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. I should’ve come sooner.”
Your chest tightens.
“I thought,” you say quietly, eyes dropping to the floor, “that you didn’t want to see me.”
That does it. Bucky closes the distance in two strides.
“Hey, no.” His hands come up instinctively, hovering at first like he’s afraid to touch you without permission. When your eyes shine and your lips tremble, he doesn’t hesitate anymore. He cups your face gently, grounding, familiar. “Don’t—don’t think that. Please.”
Your eyes burn despite yourself. “I just… I figured I made things complicated. That maybe you regretted—”
“Never,” he says fiercely. “Not for a second.”
A tear slips free anyway. Bucky’s whole expression crumples. He moves closer immediately, thumbs brushing under your eyes, voice soft but urgent. “Hey. Hey. It was never your fault. You hear me? None of this was.”
You let out a broken breath. “You left.”
“I know.” His forehead rests against yours, like he needs the contact as much as you do. “And that’s on me. I was scared, and I handled it wrong. I should’ve stayed. I should’ve said it right.”
Your voice wavers. “I thought I was just… a mistake.”
His breath stutters.
“God, no,” he whispers. “You were never a mistake. You were—” He swallows hard. “You were the best part of my life, and I panicked because I didn’t know how to deserve that.”
Silence stretches, heavy but honest. He pulls back just enough to look at you fully, hands still warm on your cheeks.
“I don’t regret what I said,” he continues quietly. “I regret that I said it like an accident. You deserved better than that.”
Your heart pounds.
“What are you saying, Buck?”
He exhales, steadying himself, like he’s choosing bravery on purpose this time.
“I’m asking for a second chance,” he says. “Not to pretend it didn’t happen, but to do it right. To say it right. To stay.”
Your throat closes.
“You don’t have to answer right now,” he adds quickly. “I just… I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t try.”
You search his face, the fear, the hope, the sincerity written all over him.
“I would’ve said it back,” you whisper. “That night.”
His eyes soften, shining.
“I know,” he murmurs. “And if you still feel it… I want to hear it when I’m standing my ground. Not running.”
You nod, a tearful smile breaking through. He leans in, slow and careful, pressing his forehead to yours again.
“I love you,” he says clearly this time. No rush. No fear. Just truth. “And I’m not goin’ anywhere.”
And this time, you get to say it back.
"I love you too." the words are quiet, almost indistinct, but they rush through your body like a tidal wave. Crashing into your heart and pulling away leaving the tingling sea foam across your skin.
Bucky pulls you flush against him and you tuck yourself under his chin, like you were always meant to be there. You stay like that for a long while.
Together.
SEBASTIAN STAN Filmography + My Way Frank Sinatra
i don’t think you understand how much i cried watching this. this was incredible😭😭😭

