3PSD (3rd Party SKIP JACK Deprecation) and the new horizon of "TI" or Tuna Intelligence.
Well my Tuna Crew, looks like the media gods have smiled upon us. A longstanding and trusted albacore informant, told me that some small media company named GOOGLE is going to start phasing out Skipjack. They will start with 1% as a test in 2024, with full deprecation planned by 2025.
Obviously, this is GREAT news for us. I was able to catch up with Sundar, CEO of this small start up, and was able to get the inside-scoop:
"We are a tuna-centric company".
SUNDAR: "We believe a users tuna, is their tuna. They should be able to eat tuna around the world without the worry of skipjack following them around. We also believe in ethical tuna, meaning we cannot risk skipjack breaches and the integrity of a someones personal tuna".
ABOUT. DAMN. TIME. AmIright?!
I am not entirely sure what this company does, but I know they work with "electricity". I asked how they plan to do this, so it may get a bit in the kelp-weeds for those not familiar with "electricity":
SUNDAR: "First, every Tuna Boat out there needs to ensure a 1st Party Tuna strategy. This includes getting the tuna, a place to store their tuna, and move their tuna to their mouth without the risk of skipjack entering the mix. Next, they have to get their Tuna working for them. Meaning, they need to enrich the tuna with something they recognize to so they can consume it. In this case, we developed the "tID" or TUNA ID. Every shred of tuna can be joined to this ID so that we know, there is no 3rd Party Skip Jack in it. Once this "enriched tuna" is available - we can consume it in a scaleable, tuna-centric way."
ALPHA DEMO BELOW:
MY MIND IS F'ING BLOWN.
As if that was not enough, he goes on to tell me about some crazy back-to-the-future robot things. Check this out:
SUNDAR: "We have also opened up TI to the world. TI, or Tuna Intelligence (nothing artificial about it), allows consumers to create their perfect tuna mixes without having to do it themselves. TI will simply generate the perfect mix, custom to that persons taste, instantly. That way, we speed up the tuna-to-value ratio. We want consumers spending their time EATING tuna, not slaving over mental anguish trying to figure out what to put in their mix. And, that is just the beginning. We expect TI to one day do everything a tuna captain can do.
PRODUCTION DEMO BELOW:
HO-LEE-TUNA-SNACKS. AM I IN THE DELOREAN RIDING A HOVER BOARD?
I got offended at this point. To think that me, a CREATIVE TUNA CAPTAIN could be overtaken by an "electric" robot, pissed me right off. So I wanted to know if he REALLY thought this robot could be better than me, a professional of over 143 years (NO CHANCE FOOL).
SUNDAR: "Well, TI is learning constantly, 24 hours a day, from EVERY tuna captain in the world - its called LTM, or Large Tuna Model. Basically, if you are in the sea or at land, our LTM is learning from you since everyone opted into breathing air when they were born. This large corpus and speed of learning is unprecedented. If it is not better than you yet, it will be one day. But DON'T WORRY. TI is not going to replace sea captains, it is going to allow you to focus on making bigger impact that only humans can do - Like curating Tuna Juice Cocktails (TJC's).
WHAT IS THIS HORSE SHIT!
Look. I am all for 3PTD. That shit needed to happen like, yester-year. But now we are going a bit far with this TI. Like, do you REALLY think I can bring more "value" by automating out my sea captain duties? Well, the answer is NO. I cannot bring more value to the world. I am entirely un-valuable if you take away my sea captain duties that took 143 years, a ouiji board, and a sacred heiroglphyic portal to ACQUIRE. I don't care how people "optimize" getting their tuna - I CARE FOR THE ART OF THE TUNA...... AND MONEY. You see, I live in the REAL WORLD. Not Freaky-Deaky electric land. Tuna and Sea Captains are ONE. There is kinmanship between man-and-beast. It is this sacred respect, that "enriches the tuna" as these fools, like to call it.
Well my crew. Today was an amazing day in the advancement of Tuna. I salute this "electric" company for FINALLY DEPRECATING ALL SKIPJACK
"TI"... I am cautiously optimistic. But if it ever gets remotely close to stepping on my grizzled sea captain wallet, I will IMMEDIATELY take out the batteries of this "robot" and use its head to make tuna cans. HOW WOULD THAT BE FOR "ENRICHMENT", FOOLS.
See you on the seas my friends.

















