Dumb Bitch Disease

⛧°⋆༺♱cw:51kg gw:47kg ugw:43kg♱༻⋆°⛧

[hardcorefruitaddict]

You can call me angel, I use they/them, I am 18. This blog is my vent account, I'm using tumblr as my therapist. I turned this into my relapse account. Warnings for ED and SH that's literally all I talk about here

I'll follow you if you have the same stats as me, I will actively attempt to avoid following you if you're under 16.

Trying to get better, too scared to try very hard

^^ thats what I be lookin like :3

Stats and fun little facts below

Height: 5'7

BMI: 17.7

Hw: 138 lbs

Lw: 109

Sw: 125 lbs

Cw: 113

Gw: 115 lbs ✔️

Gw 1: 110 lbs

Gw 2: 105 lbs ( by 12/10)

Gw 3: 100 lbs ( by 12/30)

Ugw: 95 lbs ( by 1/15)

I'm a biiiig stoner, major junkorexic (if I had it my way I wouldn't be but oh well) I'm a therian and divine kin, I like high fashion/ couture models. I've been SHing (regularly) for 5 years. I used to just have disordered eating patterns (fear foods, major restrictions due to texture or tastes) then I got to ana about 2 years ago after a nasty breakup. I always want to get better but the disorder is so familiar at this point. I'm not pro, I'll give helpful tips, but harm reduction is what I strive for.

[hardcorefruitaddict]

powers been out for a whole day and I was fasting for hours before that, call that a free starving spree 😝

In all seriousness though if anyone else is dealing with the severe weather please keep yourself safe and warm, well hydrated and fed if you can manage that!

[hardcorefruitaddict]

For the sake of honesty, openness, and maybe insight for others, I will be listing behaviors that make me classify my eating pattern as a binge/major warning signs of a binge

The warning signs

1. Thinking about what you're going to eat, while you're eating

2. The "I'll just have one" excuse (if I think this, it's always better to have none at all)

3. Not stopping to chew all the way, or to drink water or you know... breathe

4. Eating under the guise of "minimizing the cravings" (if this works for you, stellar, but I can't operate like that)

5. Getting waaay too sad about the calories that have already been consumed (hi, I'm an emotional eater 😝🔫)

6. Going off the last one, being around food at all after a very emotionally intense day (again, not everyone is like this, but I can't cope right so)

7. Continuing to eat after you're full! I cannot stress this one enough, listen to your body not your mind!

8. Going out to eat.. ever (not every restaurant, not every person, but I always manage to find a way)

9. Planning how I'll burn it off afterwards (very good for small meals but we're talking about binges here and burning 1000 calories is practically superhuman in a calorie deficit)

10. DEHYDRATION cannot emphasize the importance of having a good amount of water before during and after meals, not only to stop a binge but also for digestion

The binge behaviors (my personal)

1. Snacks IN THE MIDDLE OF MEALS (personal fav because literally what person under 400lbs does that)

2. Snacking on things I know are high calorie all day then giving into cravings fully after a meal

3. Eating so fucking fast, you've never seen someone consume a whole pizza so quickly I guarantee it.

4. Apathy towards the meal (love it enough to stop and look forward to eating it again, or hate it enough to not want to eat. Neutrality is mindless)

5. Eating waaay more of certain things than non ED people. I don't mean "Oh I had 3 cookies instead of 1 > <" nuh uh I mean everyone else had 3 and I ate half the fucking batch.

6. The urge to purge. Enough said.

7. Sneaking around in the kitchen, there's no need, it's good for them to see me eat and as soon as I start hiding it I start overdoing it

8. Over 2000 calories, doesn't matter how well spaced, doesn't matter how fast I ate it all. If I go over 2000 it's a binge and I know it because I know I'm not that hungry pretty much ever

I'll add more if I think of more but, yeah! This is what a binge and it's warning signs look like for me. It's not glamorous, or fun, it feels really awful, but it's part of the ED nonetheless so we suffer through.

[sparklingsk1nny]

𝐡𝐢𝐢𝐢𝐢𝐢𝐢𝐢

guess who got t-worded! my name is c and my old blog was sparklingskinny, i had roughly 500 followers and this might seem dumb but it felt like a really nice community i could lean on. this is my new handle because i'm very creative and not at alll sentimental. i'll make a new intro post soon but for now this is what we got.

please reblog this post if you're 18+ and see this, esp if you recognize my old handle! I really wanna build a community again and find my mutuals.

also ik some of my posts got kinda big, if you happen to have reblogged anything i posted could you send that to me? i'd love to have some relics.

until next time, c ♡

[hardcorefruitaddict]

Fucking up my diet but I refuse to let it be unfixable

Meal planning yap

So if I want my calorie budget back on track then I have to have 270 cals a day and burn 775 cals a day for 4 days

So by next Monday I'll be able to eat 600 cals a day again. Jesus christ I fucked up so hard today it's stupid. I'll have to sleep like, A LOT over the weekend and somehow avoid food like the actual plague

I really am going to try to stick to a high res diet, I'm gonna start working out in the mornings too. I need to realize that trying to make things easier for myself just makes shit harder in the future

I swear to god I WILL be 105 lbs by new years, I will have a bmi of 16, I can be less than 105 lbs, I can lose over 10 lbs this month. I will stick to my goals. I will be kind to my future self. I will not do things to spite myself. I will care about my outer appearance. I will care for myself. I will respect myself enough to follow my own rules.

[hardcorefruitaddict]

My dad just tried to low-key out rexxie me

He was telling me about when he was losing weight (man's lost 200 pounds, we love to see it) and he was on a high protein low carb low fat diet

He said his favorite snack was low fat yogurt and pork rinds which.. maybe is good? If you're stoned and desperate maybe... anyway

For 1/4 cup pork rinds and 3/4 cup of yogurt that's 476 cals and 40g of protein on the low end with 20g of fat and 32g of carbs. And that's all fine and good but I looked it up and ummm

(Per 1 cup)

Lean beef: 48g of protein, 11.3g of fat, 0 carbs totals 310 calories

Chicken: 60g protein, 7g fat, 0 carbs, totals 323.4 calories

Moral of the story here, I'm so sick in the head that I'm using my father as thinspo and if you really need protein just eat some meat. You'll consume way less needless fat and carbs if you just eat the meat.

Tuna: 62.4g protein, 3g of fat, 0 carbs, totals 291 calories

I understand some people cannot or do not eat meat for whatever reason they see fit, you do you boo, go fuck up some tofu and egg whites!

[skinnymalei]

RULE n*3 of a Skinny Princess

If you’re gonna have a high calorie food you love YOU GOTTA HAVE A PLAN

restriction works for some people but not everybody

i used to think there was some kind of universal 4n4 rules but to reach your goals, you have to find what works for you

im a pasta lover, carbonara is my ride or die, and it also happens to be high calorie— so what im gonna do is not to exclude it from my life just to binge on it like a crazy person next time i see some

when i go to my favorite Italian restaurant and get my carbonara which is around 900-1100 cals (ik ..💀), I PREPARE AND ANTICIPATE HOW I WILL BURN IT OFF— HAVE A PLAN

- before going i put on my waist trainer, i don’t eat anything and drink my water

- when i arrive i drink some more water to be half full

- if i manage to finish the whole meal, i go home walking which is around a 2 hours walk : ~400 calories burned off my meal

- if its still early when i get home, i do a 20min HIIT cardio workout : ~500 calories burned (if you have time to eat- you also have 20 min to workout 🙂)

- when im home and it’s kinda late, i take a 35-40 min shower and use this time in the shower to do squats and/or arm workouts : shower + workouts = ~120 calories burned

(if i feel like it i do the HIIT workout and then the long shower)

- this done, i always have 1 or 2 hours of chilling in my bed, either on youtube (or 3dblr 💀) or watching Smallville—- resting awake for 2 hours : ~160 calories burned (sometimes i even do leg raises while on my phone)

All of this : 400+500+120+160 = -1,180 and poof burned my carbonara, and even if i skipped one of these steps— sleep is gonna burn the rest

ANOTHER THING

Remember that a woman is supposed to eat an average of 2000/2100 cals to MAINTAIN her weight

It means you can still eat food you crave (from to time of course let’s be serious) and STILL be in a deficit

lemme tell you a secret the other day i bought kinder/chocolate filled donuts and i ate 2 of them on the same night and guess what? at the end of the day i was around 800 cals

how?

by having a plan

before eating the donuts, i had lots of water ofc and i ate tomatoes and rice/corn cakes, a little later i had peas and a piece of bread [part of those calories i had already burned by resting] so when i allowed myself to eat the donuts, my cal intake for the day didn’t even go up to 850——- after that i still worked out for a bit and sleep did the rest

thats what you call having a plan

Reminder 🖤 : a plan is supposed to help you navigate your cravings, it’s not an everyday thing to do or else you’re gonna slowly lose track of your goals, but it does help you build discipline—

edit/PS : this is MY case with MY height and weight, don’t forget to adjust to yourself, most calculators will ask height and weight to be accurate

[hardcorefruitaddict]

Guys I just learned the fucking magic of Samsung health and having competition

Okay I walked 2000 steps really early in the morning so subtract that and also subtract the 600 steps of ambient walking today but look I did 10,500 steps in an hour and a half!

And I hear you asking, what the hell could have possibly been the motivator for this? And I'm very pleased to tell you

This right here puts life in my dry dead bones, my rank went up like 100,000 just from doing 10,000 steps and it felt like getting a little gold star. Also I only had 2 hours to meet that first goal and nothing gets me more motivated than the consequences of procrastination

I'm gonna do this literally every day I fucking love this

[hardcorefruitaddict]

Meal planning and yapping per usual

If I eat 600 calories a day that means I have 4200 calories in a week

Ashamed to say I've already wasted 1760 of those so for the remainder of the week I've got 2440 left

So for the rest of the week my average intake has to be 488 or under

What does this mean for me?

No alcohol, no meals for myself, no sweeteners in my tea, as tiny portions as I can manage at dinner, and fasting for as long as I can without someone else feeding me

I've already exceeded my calorie limit today and yesterday so I have to lock in. Maybe tmi but if my math is right I'll be on my period next week which is gonna be a bitch with a 600 calorie limit. How do we combat this? So far my best guesses are tea and sleeping a lot. If I can get my hands on some hard candy I'll be in business

I've also gotta find some source of energy that has little to no calories. I already swear off caffeine so sugar is my usual go to but obviously that's not an option. I might have to give in and settle for black coffee. My nicotine tolerance is egregiously high so that's not gonna work either, I'm not breathing it like air but I could hit it for hours and still be tired and hungry

Idk maybe I'll just fill myself with water and pace until I drop, who knows. Anyway that's it that's all bye

[hardcorefruitaddict]

I miss living with people who could actually support an ortho lifestyle. Here I look at the fridge and consume 3500 calories because anything that isn't just junk is frozen.

It's frozen peas and corn. And that is the only fucking vegetable in this house. Shoot me someone please I'll never be a skeleton at this rate, I live in american hell with frozen peas and corn as my only companion

[desolate-honeycomb]

I always stress myself out somehow and I don’t know how but it ALWAYS happens.. I look so BIG BACKED and it’s giving me anxiety and stressing me out 😭

Alr if someone’s reading this give me a random hobby to drown myself in until I can eat again lmao

[hardcorefruitaddict]

Make inspo boards

Video games

Search for ED media (and watch it, and find a copy of The Chic Diet if you can)

Bracelet making (and other jewlery)

Practice something (drawing, handstands, a language, etc)

Research topics for fun (may I suggest couture fashion or perfume scent profiles)

Make your self care routine as long as possible

Try new things with your appearance (hair, clothes, makeup if you wear it)

Make things out of paper, string, or anything else you have

If all else fails, try housecleaning if you can. Doing the dishes especially helps me get over my appetite because it's so ew

I hope this helps

[hardcorefruitaddict]

It's another sad day on sesame street because I can fucking feel it every single time my thighs touch and I'm very angry about it

[hardcorefruitaddict]

Yippee diet December starts today!!

BC for today because I put on leggings for the first time since middle school and I felt so.. average? Idk I'm not fat in them but I'm not as thin as I'd like.

Yap about body goals and intake and plan for the month

Yall like my chicken sock? That's thinspo fr

I know I'm already thin but by the end of the month I'm aiming to drop a bmi point, I want to be 15.5 which means I'll be around 105 (ideally less but we'll see) my desired intake is 600 cals, burning around 200 a day. My absolute limit is 1000 cals and I'll attempt to burn 400 so I'm still only netting 600

I'm hoping really hard to lose some mass on my thighs, they don't touch but I don't like them. You can't see my stomach in this picture but it's gotta go. I need a flat 4 pack stat. And, I know I'm nitpicking now, but you can see how my wrist is bony but my arm is fleshy, I hate that, I want bones all the way up but that might be an ugw thing

[hardcorefruitaddict]

I'm gonna be honest when I say that my intake for November was so fucked

Only read more if you promise not to judge

Yap about goals and weight and other stuff like that too

Talk about a fucking yo-yo diet, am I right? I had to laugh at myself for this because what the hell? Who eats like this? I'm gonna get that in check this month, maybe not perfectly but better than this monstrosity

So, tl;dr on these stats, I had 7 days that I would classify as "binge" days because I know damn well I was not that hungry. More than half of the days this month I ate over 1300 calories which is my maintenance calorie amount but also way more than I wanna be consuming ideally.

I weighed myself in the middle of the day with all my clothes on and after eating some, I was 115. If my guess is correct I'm probably around 112-113 without the added weight. I was 109 last month so that's not a terrible amount of weight gain and I'm not surprised by it but I'm aiming for under 105 by the end of the month if I'm lucky so we'll see

[hardcorefruitaddict]

Game plan!!

I'm gonna weigh myself Dec 1st, from there I'll aim to lose 1kg a week (because that's a reasonable expectation even though 2kg a week is possible)

I'll do it with an intake of 600 with omad and consistent excercise. I'm gonna start 22 hour fasts and longer than that if I'm able. Meal replacements are gonna be teas, I'll make and boil it on the stove top for aromatics and so it takes me longer. I found that when I'm busy I'm not even hungry so I'll be taking a lot of time to do everything and keeping myself very occupied!

January is gonna be when I try to maintain that weight loss but that's January's problem!

[hardcorefruitaddict]

Yesterday is dead and gone and I don't have to ever make myself do that again for another 365 days whatever happened yesterday, it's okay

Itsokayitsokayitsokay and it won't happen again and I can make myself that promise and keep it

[hardcorefruitaddict]

This may be the one day out of the year where I can truly say fuck the ED and then actually not hate myself for that

But this time least year I also gained 25 ish pounds in a month sooo maybe I take that back