For The Love Of Me

Basically I want to document my experience with Herpes, learn things and spread a little hope for people like me.

[aidashakur]

[hardtoflex]

I’m Im sick of herpes misconceptions in movies. Okay so you guys don’t know this but I’m bi and lately I’m starting to think I’m lesbian but that’s a post for another day! Anyway I’ve been watching lots of wlw media lately and if you know anything about that it’s hard to find a wide range of that type of media because a lot of it is indie, international or I’ve already seen. So I decided to check out Tubi and there’s this film with all black queer femme characters and I’m like yay representation but broooooo!!! 1) The acting isn’t good but I’m still hanging in there at this point. 2) It deals with religion and religious trauma and how it effects queer black women (because if you’re black you know what that’s like.) 3) But then there’s this young couple, they are hanging out at one of the girls houses and one of girls goes to the bathroom and she’s bleeding and I’m thinking okay she has her period. But started getting weird when she gets all upset and I’m like why is she so upsets it’s just a period. But then she says there’s bumps down there and they’re bleeding. And though I fully believe that everyone’s symptoms are different I have never heard a case where it bleeds to the level they tried to show in this movie. I have never seen someone misrepresent herpes soooo bad in my life. Like I want to write a letter to the writers sooo bad. I get they were trying to be all woke and what not but my god it’s like they didn’t even do research. UPDATE: So I finished the movie and omg!!! Not one of those relationships were good like every single one was toxic!! I wasted my tiiime. This whole film is hella problematic and hardly registers as a romance. Two of the 4 main characters ends up with a man, the one with herpes ends up messing around with a student and the last lady is being outed by her partner in the form of blackmail. The movie didn’t address anything about the church’s involvement, even though it was a reason all these women were in the closet and running around cheating and doing terrible things. It’s basically Christian propaganda wrapped up to seem progressive and woke.

[hardtoflex]

Sometimes it’s exhausting being the punchline of others insensitive jokes.

Before I was diagnosed I didn’t realize that just how common STI jokes were. Like it was genuinely something I never even notice but now it’s everywhere and everyone has a laugh about it. And while I think I can take some pretty good jokes I think it’s interesting the way we are stepping on our own necks by continuing this weird phase of not feeling comfortable enough to actually talk about it but feeling way too comfortable joking about it. Our society loves hookup culture more than ever but the only way we can talk about STIs is through jokes that spread misinformation and a horrible stigma. Anyway…

[jilli1205]

[ladofletters]

[kid-with-plans]

[hardtoflex]

Me: Has herpes

Also me: has social anxiety

🤝 almost never having to disclose because I don’t leave my house to meet anyone 😂

[hardtoflex]

Hi guys!

Super update! So you wanna know what I have been have back to back outbreaks which isn’t common for me but I’m pretty sure I know why! Stress! I’m so tired and burned out with everything going on. I haven’t been eating the best either and I noticed that my body really hate soda and tons of sugar which triggers and outbreak for me if I over consume it. Lately I have been having multiple sodas a day which is uncommon for me but I’ve been craving soda and salty things like crazy because when I get stressed I like junk food. The outbreaks go away with meds within a day but it’s still crazy having them back to back! So stay mindful of your health during these trying times (everyone is different so your triggers might be different.)

Also I told one of my guy friends and he shrugged and said “are you okay?” And I was just there like a dummy nodding. He says “alright” and keeps it moving lol. It’s weird to having herpes and think it’s the end of the world only for people to be all like “okay…” Its the stigma! Truly!

[hardtoflex]

Had another outbreak at the start of my period! Just a small one and instantly took some valtrex and lysine! It’s the second day of the outbreak but it’s already healing. I have noticed that my symptoms aren’t as severe as others and that I’ve never had anything more than a bump or two! I like to mentally keep track of my symptoms and in a way it has helped me get to know my body!

[modelsof-color]

Ajayai Temitope by Marcin Kempski for ES Magazine , Oct 2021

[hardtoflex]

I’m sorry! I haven’t kept my word guys lol! I suck and have very obvious commitment issues but I’m still here and I still have herpes lol!

[hardtoflex]

Herpes Update guys!!!!

It’s been a long time! But I am here and I am queer…and I also have herpes 🙂 So I had covid and guess what? I didn’t have an outbreak! I actually haven’t had an outbreak in a long time (knock on wood.) I’ve just been living my life honestly and I haven’t been dating mostly because school but I will try to let you guys knows what’s up. Also I haven’t taken my herp meds in months still no outbreak! It gets easier! Lots of love!

[velvetyaura]

melissareannejohnson

[hardtoflex]

Update!!!

I have stopped taking Valtrex every day and only take it when I feel like I may have an outbreak! I find that that’s a better solution for me because I always forget to take it daily!

I haven’t disclosed to anyone else so far because I’m really focused on getting my life together but I will continue to update you guys when I do! Sorry it’s taken me so long!

Also: I have found some awesome ladies on tiktok and Instagram who talk about their experience with herpes as well! Seeing other people so open about it helps more than you think!

[justbeingmeinthisworld]

It’s a Small World

So I’m day 3 into my new job as a pharmacy tech and let me tell you guys if you’ve ever felt alone in your battle with herpes let me tell you the amount of people out there with us is outstanding.

I don’t really want to use the word amazing because having herpes isn’t amazing or glorious by any means; but it’s amazing that everyday I get to interact with these people.

Who knows maybe one day a newly diagnosed person will make their way to my counter and I’ll be lucky enough to cash them out offer a friendly smile and whisper hey me too you are not alone. If I got to do just that for one person it would make my job 100% worth it.

So here’s to being that 1 in 8 but also let’s toast to being able to meet so many awesome people in this community that we’ve been so fortunate to stumble upon.

Let’s try our best to create even the smallest of differences by offering each other some support when we really need it most. Here’s to the next person that will be newly diagnosed you are just as wonderful as you were yesterday. Welcome to the journey

[plannedparenthood]

Herpes is a super-common infection that stays in your body for life. More than half of Americans have oral herpes, and about 1 out of 6 Americans has genital herpes. So chances are a few people you know are living with herpes.

[herpessupport]

[plannedparenthood]

What should I say if my partner tells me they have an STD?

Someone asked us: 

My new girlfriend told me she has genital herpes. I’m really scared of getting an STD and I’m not sure I want to date someone who has one, but I like her soooo much and I don’t want to hurt her. What do I say?

It’s okay to be worried about STDs, but your girlfriend’s herpes status doesn’t mean y’all can’t be together, or that you’ll definitely get it if you have sex. Medicines and safer sex can prevent the spread of herpes and keep both you and your girlfriend healthy. People with herpes can have sex, be in relationships, and live totally normal lives.

In reality, genital herpes, like oral herpes (AKA cold sores), is a skin condition that’s generally totally harmless. Unfortunately, there can be a lot of harmful shame and stigma around STDs, so try to keep in mind that this was probably a really hard thing for your girlfriend to tell you. And remember that she told you about it because she cares about you. She’s being responsible by talking about it so you can both protect your health.

So the best way to handle getting this kind of news is to put yourself in your partner’s shoes: how would you want someone to react if you told them you had an STD?

Here are a few things you can say:

Thank you for telling me. I’m sure it wasn’t easy, and I really appreciate your honesty.

This is kinda hard for me to hear right now, but it doesn’t change how I feel about you.

Don’t worry, I still really like you. 

Will you tell me more about what living with herpes is like?

I might need a little bit of time to process this. But that doesn’t mean I’m mad at you.

Can we go to a Planned Parenthood health center together and talk to a doctor or nurse? I want to know more about what it means to have herpes, and how I can avoid getting it.

It can be a little bit of a shock when someone tells you they have an STD, but you’re definitely not alone in this situation. About 1 in 6 people are living with genital herpes, so having this conversation is a fact of life for many. And most people with herpes don’t even know they have it. Since you know your girlfriend’s status, you can talk with each other and a nurse or doctor about ways to protect yourself.

Check out our video series to get more tips on talking about STDs and safer sex.

-Kendall at Planned Parenthood