Game Changer & Make Some Noise
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@harietporter
I never said he wasn’t a good guy. I was just saying the way he was ignored probably factored into him jumping off a building and killing himself.
There is a reason. I don’t want anyone to, you silly girl.
If you don't want anyone to, the stop talking to me. Thanks.
I go to this school, Hariet, you’re just too busy staring at the shaggy psychopath you fucked in the pool to pay attention to anything other than yourself and him.
You know, I heard it did it because no one paid attention to him. Makes sense now, huh?
I never fucked anyone in a pool, Jesus Christ. Nicky was a good guy. Maybe there's a reason no one pays attention to you, you freak of nature.
Do you even go to this school. Who the fuck are these people?
Do I know you?
T-Today is d-definitely t-too... too long.
I'm pretty sure each day is an equal amount of hours. Unless it's the equinox.
Aloud I Pray for Calmer Seas || Self Para
I can’t see. I can’t breathe. I can’t feel my face. I can’t feel anything. No, that’s not true. I can feel the protests of my body, the screams trying to claw their way from my throat. I can feel every inch of me begging to take in a deep breath, but I can’t. The water’s too heavy, too much, all over, and it’s dragging me down
down
down
and not wanting to let me go. It’s almost comforting that something so wild, so crazy, so unpredictable, wants to keep me with it, and soon I let it, my body giving up because
I can’t see.
I can’t breathe.
I can’t feel my face.
I can’t feel anything.
Nothing but the desire to stop fighting, to let it take me and never let me go. I want it to. I want to be with it forever. It needs me; I need it. I let it take me.
Darkness.
And then
Light.
I’m laying down. Despite the air all around me I still can’t
See
Breathe
Feel my face
Feel anything
And part of me doesn’t want to.
"The Golden Gate Bridge," I tell Dr. Zania. "I’d jump off the Golden Gate Bridge."
"That’s a bold way to die," she comments, making a note on her pad. I bet she wrote Total psycho. ”Why there? That’s a bit far away.”
"I’ve always wanted to visit California," I reply. The answer seems too simple that it actually makes me a bit uncomfortable. "And we have no good bridges around here. None of the ones with water are high enough."
"You’ve given this a lot of thought."
"Some."
"A lot."
Silence.
"Okay," I reply. It’s automatic. Again, I’m silent. Finally: "I stopped taking the pills."
Her response is immediate. “You really shouldn’t do that.”
"I ran out."
"If you need more, Hariet, never be afraid to ask. They’re supposed to be helping you. They only can if you let them."
"I wanted to not feel so empty all the time," I admit. "I can feel things. Nicky’s mad at me, I can feel that. I can feel like it’s good with Nash again. I like that feeling.”
Dr. Zania asks, “Do you trust Nash?”
"I want to," I answer.
"That’s not what I asked. Do you trust Nash?”
Pause.
"No."
I don’t trust him I don’t trust him I can’t trust him I can’t it’s too much he’ll hurt me I know he will if he can make up emotion before he can certain do it now and he will just wait Hariet just wait because it’ll happen one day maybe tomorrow maybe the next day but it’ll happen because that’s just what he does and—
Our time was up.
I drive myself home with a promise to pick up my anit-depressants. I don’t.
The overpass isn’t too far from her office. Technically not a bridge. There’s no water beneath it, just hard, solid ground. It isn’t the Golden Gate Bridge by a long shot. It’ll have to do. That’s what my whole life is.
It’ll have to do.
I text him.
Come with me to the bridge.
Right. You tried. There was a very serious error. Now try something different. I’m sure there’s a whole onslaught of cute guys who will treat you respectfully.
Yeah, well, mom didn't pay a ridiculous amount for that program for me to get worse. I'm okay.
Okay.
I like you.
Logic and past experience.
Trial and error.
Yes, all of it is real.
Okay.
Because what’s the point of you being happy now if you’re just gonna be sad later?
Who said I'm going to be sad?
Exploring a town can sometimes yield unexpected results
Whatever
Whatever's right, creep. Go jack off to The Human Centipede now.
Fine, whatever. Fall in love with him again, see if I care. But when he makes you feel like shit again, don’t try to drown your sorrows in pills.
Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Why can't you just be happy for me?
Exploring a town can sometimes yield unexpected results
Yiure going home to mommy then?
No, asshat. I'm just waiting out you trying to put people "in their place" or whatever.
Because why would he suddenly like you now? After everything he did? Why all of the sudden would he value you as a person. People don’t just change like that.
Maybe he did. Maybe there's actually something.
