décomposition lente.

My name's Louis. Mortimer Middleton: prick, pretentious, miserable fuck. I don't have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds, okay. Now please go away.

[nmimarks]

[fiionagallagher]

[bridgetomaley]

Aren’t you supposed to be following my sister around like a lapdog?

[thegreat-mortimer]

I think you're confusing me for someone else.

[bridgetomaley]

I wanna go back.

[thegreat-mortimer]

Already you're becoming one of those girls who whine over everything.

[missomaley]

Yeah, well, it isn’t the case. You’ll just have to deal with me touching you and my brother’s deep, eternal and external love for you.

[thegreat-mortimer]

I can deal with you, but I don't think I can deal with your brother without harming him. He needs to be tied up and far away from me. 

[missomaley]

You don’t like it when I touch you?

[thegreat-mortimer]

I said barely which implies I sort of do. Though I think better words would have been "I wish I didn't like it". Life would be easier if that were the case. 

[missomaley]

Link’s happy you’re home.

[thegreat-mortimer]

Shut up, that's not funny, do you know how hard it is to not cut off his hands every time he touches me? I barely like it when you touch me. It's called personal space for a fucking reason. 

[missomaley]

Christ, where does the romance end with you?

[thegreat-mortimer]

Who knows, it'll be one of earths greatest mysteries. 

[judep-arker-deactivated20140402]

You seem tense, man. Like, really kind of fucked-up-in-the-head tense. How about I give you a dub, on the house?

[thegreat-mortimer]

Well, look at you being super observant, but no. What I would like however is to go one day without someone being a total idiot, but that seems to be like asking for a miracle. 

[missomaley]

There’s literally pieces of afro all around the fucking house. I cannot sleep here, I’m getting hives.

[thegreat-mortimer]

Sucks to be you, if you're looking for pity you might want to look elsewhere. 

[judep-arker-deactivated20140402]

That’s not how you make friends.

[thegreat-mortimer]

Really? I never would've guessed that. 

[judep-arker-deactivated20140402]

I refuse to be held accountable for your pain. You get what you get, there’s no refund.

[thegreat-mortimer]

If that's how you think life works then I refuse to be "held accountable" for the literal stab wound you might have in the very near future. 

[judep-arker-deactivated20140402]

But that’s my forte. Don’t tell me what to do, mom.

[thegreat-mortimer]

I'm literally dumbfounded and repulsed by your lack of intelligence. 

[judep-arker-deactivated20140402]

Pro tip: Do not do the Coke and Mentos challenge in your mouth.

[thegreat-mortimer]

Pro Tip: Don't be a fucking dumbass.

[thegreat-mortimer]

Why do people even have babies? Wait, better yet why is it not legal to suffocate them when they cry? 

[linkster-o-maley]

But Morty, I love you!

[thegreat-mortimer]

You sound just as whiny and needy as your sister, which makes my question of how the two of you are related disappear. Now go away before I stab you in the eye. 

[misterclaremontdiaz]