Harper

trans flag emoji https://dirt.cool https://stats.fm/harperpills

[harpulator]

i am a girl now, and my name is harper

im sorry i forgot to tell you all, my loyal tumbling audience

[tethered-heartstrings]

"stress" by yoan capote - made of bronze and concrete

[tethered-heartstrings]

[dogpuppy]

[harpulator]

yesterday was one of the first full days ive spent willingly sober in a long time. typically ill be sober at school and smoke (weed) as soon as i get home, and keep smoking until i fall asleep. then the next day I wonder where the time went. Falling asleep sober for the first time in a long time was a strange feeling

I never really realized that the reason I do this to myself is because of how constantly anxious and depressed I am. It's so difficult to persist through the day in my own brain without completely mentally collapsing and having a panic attack. So I seriously need a therapist or something

i will say its great that weed isn't physically addictive and I'm only mentally dependant on it, thank god I decided to take out my stress with weed instead of like benzos or alcohol or something - like it still might've done some amount of permanent damage to be basically constantly high for the better part of a year but I know whatever conditions/weaknesses I have now aren't AS bad as they could be

[harpulator]

i dont expect any of these posts to be read by anyone, this is just a good place for me to vent

[harpulator]

yesterday was one of the first full days ive spent willingly sober in a long time. typically ill be sober at school and smoke (weed) as soon as i get home, and keep smoking until i fall asleep. then the next day I wonder where the time went. Falling asleep sober for the first time in a long time was a strange feeling

I never really realized that the reason I do this to myself is because of how constantly anxious and depressed I am. It's so difficult to persist through the day in my own brain without completely mentally collapsing and having a panic attack. So I seriously need a therapist or something

i will say its great that weed isn't physically addictive and I'm only mentally dependant on it, thank god I decided to take out my stress with weed instead of like benzos or alcohol or something - like it still might've done some amount of permanent damage to be basically constantly high for the better part of a year (as a 16/17 year old) but I know whatever conditions/weaknesses I have now aren't AS bad as they could be

[harpulator]

btw using this blog for little unrefined thoughts that arent good enough to be tweets or go anywhere else

[harpulator]

the first time i talked to a trans guy i think i was like 13 and i remember thinking "you're a girl and you're just throwing it away? okay i guess" and back then i thought i had some transphobia to deal with but its actually because i just really wanted to become a woman personally

[harpulator]

its so genuinely fucking despicable that all the teachers all over my state (texas) had to cease everything even implying pride safety in classrooms. My teachers, wonderful people, are mandated by law to call me my deadname. My counselors had signs like "let's talk about it", "everyone is safe here", that had to be taken down; on a state level, no, some people aren't safe here. I'm not safe here.

[harpulator]

me behind a closed door: "officer i floop my fourth ammendment" officer quietly to other officer: "what is floop" "i dont know ask" officer: "what does floop mean" me behind a closed door: it's from an adventure time episode i think it means invoke" officer: "oh i love adventure time" me:

[harpulator]

founding fathers squirting 4k

[harpulator]

my au

[harpulator]

liveblogging my reaction to the new machine girl album

[harpulator]

i forgot to listen to it

[rabbiteclair]

i get into a horrific car accident while carrying a crock pot full of meatballs in the passenger seat. at the hospital, the surgeons cannot sort out which chunks of meat are me and which are not, so I end up with several meatballs sewn into my guts. despite this I make a full recovery, and they elect not to remove the meatballs because quote 'they seem comfy in there.' i go on the talk show circuit and become moderately famous as The Meatballs Woman. when i die i am buried under a gravestone with meatballs carved on it. in the year 2438, a grad student from what is now Cambodia who is studying the late pre-collapse American Empire writes her thesis on this, concluding that I probably never existed and was a conflation of several real stories and urban legends. years later, a pop-history book wildly misinterprets this and several other things, arguing for the existence of a historic American religious pantheon including figures like The Meatballs Woman, Florida Man, Emperor Norton, etc. this book sells bizarrely well and inspires a new neo-pagan movement, which in turn leads to a weird shipping community, resulting in a small but vibrant scene of ABO fics featuring me and MrBeast (who in this context has been interpreted as a god of excess and trickery)

this chilling scenario is only one of the multiple reasons I am going to attempt to not crash my car today

[harpulator]

you ever read a draft and get actual whiplash oh my god

i was so mortified upon reading that i, out loud, let out a "woah nelly"

[harpulator]

i wonder if i have enough thoughts to use tumblr again

[harpulator]

i kind of feel like i invariably fucked up my presence here by just being really annoying for a long time. maybe i can make cool edgy poetry now instead, or something. we'll give the dice a roll!! also im 17 now

[ymutate]

Alice Brasser (Netherlands, b.1965)

Swim, 2022

[tea332]

man i wish this tumbler shit had a more captivating recomendation algorithm like le tiktok (!) so i could use it without being bored out of my fucking skull

[harpulator]

#goop!