She blinks her eyes open, her phone buzzing next to her head, awakening her from the nap she had been taking. It was a day off in between practices and she hadn't been booked for any extra schedules, so she figured she would be okay to do so. The light from it's screen was hurting her eyes as she squinted, trying to make out who was calling her. The room was dark, the sun setting earlier in the evening was messing with her sense of time lately, she had no idea what time it was at this point, but she could tell at least that Joohyun wasn't in the room at the moment.
"Hello?" she mumbled, her voice still groggy, rubbing sleep from her eyes. Maybe a voice on the other end off the phone would help her figure out who it was.
"Ah, unnie, did I wake you up? You're an idol and still kinda young, you should be out enjoying yourself."
"Hello to you too, Hayeon." The voice on the other end was her baby sister, Hayeon. Well, she wasn't really a baby, she was a couple of years younger than Haseul, but she was the youngest of the Jo kids and she loved to tease Haseul just as much as their older brother did.
A laugh erupts on the other end, Haseul sighs as she starts waking up more. "Anyway, you should get your lazy butt up and do something. Unless you want me to come to Seoul to steal you, since you're too busy for me now otherwise." Haseul knew Hayeon was just joking with her, but it kind of stung a bit, she really hoped that she didn't believe that.
It took her a second to process part of what she said afterward. "Wait, why aren't you in Seoul? Don't you have school?" Hayeon was going to university currently, studying music, just like her big sis. She sat up and scooted back against the wall to prop herself up.
"I'm on a vacation, unnie. See? You didn't even know oppa and I are both home to see mom and dad, did you? Knew you were too busy for me."
Even her family wasn't including her in schedules now, it seemed. Granted, 95% of the time, she couldn't be there because of work, but it was rare to have everyone at home at once. She would have rather gotten on the train and slept on the way there to have a chance to see everyone than to fall asleep on her bed in the dorm and wake up alone. "How long will you be there?"
"We're both leaving tomorrow afternoon, oppa has a meeting he has to go to and I start classes again."
Of course.
"I have practice tomorrow, but I was going to be free the day after... too bad you weren't staying one more day, I would have come up," she said, her voice tired, with a side of regretfullness.
"Sure, sure. Hey! I'm on the phone! Yes! I'll ask her! Leave me alone!" Hayeon could be heard yelling, and sure enough their older brother was in the background. It brought a smile to her lips hearing the two bicker, it was like the old days, just from a few hours away. "Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted by our dear brother. He wanted me to ask you if you were mad at him. Something about saying something he shouldn't have? I mean, that's usually everything he says, but..."
"No, no I'm not mad at him. He still has a big mouth,"
"The biggest."
"... but no, I'm not mad at him. Tell him that it all worked out okay."
"What did he say, anyway?"
"Nothing, nothing. It was just him being dumb, as usual, nothing bad," she still hadn't exactly told Hayeon about the topic that he had blurted out over speaker phone with Joohyun in the room. She knew she could, heck, when she first told her brother, he had said Hayeon was the one that had brought up the idea, so she probably already knew. "Hey, do me a favor, alright? When you get back and settled into school again, send me your schedule. We'll find some time to hang out, okay? I miss you... and him too, I guess."
"Alright, it'll have to be early in the day, I guess, since Grandma Haseul needs her early evening nap~"
"I'm hanging up now. Tell mom and dad I love them and I'll come visit soon. Don't forget, schedule."
"I got it, I got it. Jeez."
With that, the call ended and she closed her eyes, reflecting on just how long it had been since she spent time with her family. The phone buzzing in her hand again had her unlock it.
[Message from Hayeon] I love you, unnie
She smiled, replying back quickly.
[Message to Hayeon] I love you too, eat well, travel safely back, and see you soon~
A few people here or there started trying to guess what it was that she was referencing in regards to her saying that she probably listened to music that they wouldn't expect. "Hmm... no, not rap, classical? I don't mind either of those, but not my favorite," she stated, shaking her head at a few other suggestions before offering it up to the fans in the chat. "I listen to a lot of rock music and metal! My brother got me into a lot of bands and I've grown to love a lot of them over the years." A few questions popped up about different groups, and quite a few people were seemingly surprised that the quiet member of Eclipse was someone who was into that type of music.
"A few of my favorites are groups like Band-Maid, Scandal, Passcode, One OK Rock, an older one was High and Mighty Color, but they disbanded and some members made other groups, Nell, Loveholic, I could go on and on about different groups I like," she explains, expounding on her love of Japanese rock bands. "That's why I like to play the guitar so much, actually. When I was a trainee I often played music with other trainees in a makeshift band!"
After singing a parts of a few other songs people requested her to do, she noticed a KT staff member telling her it was time to wrap up the event. "Whoa! It's already been an hour?" she was surprised to find the passing of time had gone by so quickly. "I'm sorry, but I have to go now, but I really hope we can meet like this again soon! I really want you to get to know me better and hopefully we can grow closer together, for now, I'll work hard to be Eclipse's Haseul that you can be proud of. See you later!"
After listening to a bunch of suggestions for Halloween costumes, Haseul still wasn't much closer to figuring out what she was going to dress up as, but she was appreciative of the feedback from the fans that had tuned into the VLive. Moving on from that, she said that if people had questions, they could put it in the chat and she'd try to answer them, and she might sing a few songs too, since she loved to do that, so she would be happy to take requests as long as they were something she knew, anyway.
Scanning through the comments, Haseul read some of them out loud, laughing when she was seeing ones that just reaffirmed her suspicions that she was coming off as a bit awkward. "I'm sorry! This is just how I am, I apologize for anyone expecting me to be cool like the other members!" she laughed, as always being self-depreciating. "Can I talk about any comeback news? No, I can't say, or not say, anything about those. I can't wait to see you all again, though!" she said, responding to one of the questions that popped up.
"Does unnie have a boyfriend?" she laughs and shakes her head. "No, I only have time for you all in my life~"
Finally seeing some requests for songs come in, she read through a few, including one that asked "What songs have you been listening to a lot lately? Hmm... Berry Good sunbaenim's 'Obliviate'!" she then sang a bit of the chorus, which made her feel more comfortable almost immediately. "That song's been playing a lot on streaming lately, it's a different sound for them, but I like it a lot!" she thought a llittle bit more about other tracks appearing in her music listens. "I listen to a lot of different types of music, probaby you might be surprised at what I listen to!" she laughed, when people started trying to guess in the chat.
Pt. 1
"Is it working?" Haseul asked, brow furrowed as her eyes scanned over the screen of the tablet that had been handed to her by the staff member that had helped her get everything set up for her VLive. "How do I know if.." she began, looking quite lost for the moment, only to start seeing people pop up in the chat saying that yes, it was working and she was live on the channel. "Oh! H-Hello!" she said, smiling at the camera, watching the staff member take a seat out of the view. It was probably for the best, her and technology weren't always the best combination.
"I asked to do a VLive today because I want to show more of myself to you all. I know I'm very awkward and a bit quiet at times, but I promise I'll do my best to be better, so please take care of me well!" she said, a few seconds passing by as she paused and gave a laugh, knowing she just apologized for being awkward by being just that.
"Thank you to everyone that wished me a happy birthday last month, it made me so happy to see all the messages on our social media," she recalled, and she read over some of the messages that were being sent to her. "The other members? Oh, it's just me today, but maybe we can do another one with more of us another time," she said, keeping on seeing lots of messages flying by, the VLive app was always really fast for her to keep up with in trying to process all the words coming at her.
"Ah, I have a question for all of you~ Halloween is coming right up, right? I'm looking for ideas, so what do you think my costume should be? I usually dress up as a Marvel character for it, but I'm open for suggestions!"
the worry in her chest was building and even if she wanted to practice, her mind was restless and uneasy. the one good thing she had from her sister. it was the imagine of a happier time, a more innocent time but things had changed since then ( maybe it was for the best that it was gone? ) – she sighs as she finds the studio she’s going to practice in, there she looks at her schedule and sees that it is time for her to practice vocalization ( although she’s a rapper ).
naeun believes that she should refresh her memory on how to sing as well– in high school she had been in the school choir, although she had been offered to be a soloist of a couple songs. she preferred to harmonize– now as a potential idol ( one day ), naeun wanted to be able to harmonize well and also sing if it was required of her to do so. there were things she realized she had to get better as ( first she wanted more over all confidence ), she started writing things down in her journal, nodding slowly to herself.
when the door opens, naeun almost doesn’t notice because she’s so far in her own thoughts– “hm?” she voices as she looks over to see who has opened the door.
then her eyes widen when she sees who it is, immediately she stands up and bows a comeplete ninety degree bow, “haseul sunbaenim,” she utters flustered before continuing, “yes, uh… i am lee naeun?” she wonders what on earth she had done to make one of the members of eclipse come look for her.
Stepping further into the room once she was acknowledged, Haseul gave the younger girl a shy smile. She still was not that great with meeting new people, and she hoped that the other wouldn’t think her weird for doing all of this over her leather tag. The more she thought about it, the more she thought that maybe she was weird, but something made her think that it would be worth it, even if she did.
Seeing the girl’s reaction to her suddenly snapped her back to the reality that she was a debuted idol, not just a random person at KT like she used to be. It was “supposed” to be like this, she guessed, but it still felt weird to her. “H-Hi,” she stumbled over her words, being careful not to do the same with her feet as she came over. “It’s nice to meet you, I know how important training time is, so I won’t keep you long, but I think I have something for you,” she said, reaching into her pocket.
Holding out the repaired tag in her hand, she watched Naeun to see what the reaction would be. “I found this at the company party yesterday, it was broken and I wanted to fix it before I returned it to you. I hope I did an okay job with it, I’m not the best at sewing, but I’ve had some experience.”
“ oh — well, it doesn’t matter that much. it sounds like that sucks for the group though. i wonder what it was … ” what haseul tells her next is even more concerning. but more so, it’s a way to tease haseul and ariel wonders how one of her best friends could make it so easy. haseul is admittedly a stark contrast to some of the other best friends she has, especially back home. “ are you serious? 15 is r rated? wow, korea is suddenly more wild now, isn’t it? then again, r-rated can be for something as stupid as saying f—” she clears her throat, grinning as she looks at haseul. “ that word more than twice. can you believe that? i still think it’s funny how i learned that from a movie and they said it once just to stick to the rating. but wow our haseul watching r-rated movies when young. so scandalous! ”
“ do you like regular soju? ” it crosses her mind that maybe, just maybe, they shouldn’t be talking about this at a samsung party but oh well. she’s said much worse with ahyoung in the comfort of their room. “ beer. seul, please no! i can’t believe you like the taste of that more. ” there’s so much more she could say, like how the mixed drinks, especially flavored vodka can get you faster but that much, ariel is sure she shouldn’t say right now. “ mm, not really. but if you could drink, then yes it is different. ” but she hasn’t seen haseul at many of those parties in retrospect, since she was the one who refused to go most of the time, opting to stay behind to practice more instead. “ it’s not weird! it would never be weird. of course they’re fun. that’s the whole point of them. i’ll talk to the girls about it later. right now isn’t the best timing. ”
“Yeah, that seems a bit strict, but we’re probably just as bad, if not worse, I guess,” she laughs hearing Ariel about to swear, thinking that would have been quite funny for her to be swearing through this Samsung party, though obviously not if she got caught. “That is pretty stupid, though. I thought things were more relaxed for that stuff in America.” It was always interesting to learn about the other country. She had never had a chance to go there, so it was something she hoped to learn more before she did. “I-- Okay, yes, but in my defense, it was because I hung out with my brother and his friends, I thought I was being so cool seeing movies I shouldn’t have been seeing!”
She nods in response to the question. “Yeah, I like regular soju, it’s nice to drink with friends.” She’s laughing again “A lot of people like it! It took me a while to, but I do enjoy a good one. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I like it more, but I do like it.” Granted, it had been a while since she had partied, unless she counted the night she drank with Ahyoung doing shots at the dorm’s kitchen table. “Right, right, not right now, but I think it could be fun for us to do sometime, but yeah, let’s see if they want to later.” Knowing Ariel was right, when they got to where the drinks were, she only got a cup of ice water, even if the talk of alcohol had gotten her mind onto that topic. “This is kind of nice, everyone being around, too bad we can’t stay longer.”
going by their company’s youtube channel, the song has gotten a few … rebrandings, for lack of a better word, over the years. visuals dreams and pop! pop! but either way, the entire concept of s-pop reminds her of that song for some reason. she’d love to see chichi revisit that song or for samsung artists to do a collective theme song for the channel. did they already and she missed it? either way, the different shows they have with trainee mcs is adorable as much as it is entertaining. “ you know chanyeol, don’t you? ” ariel asks, phone set down in her lap as they drive to the studio for the recording. knowing their manager is listening in too, she clarifies. “ leo took him in like an adoptive little brother years ago and i haven’t been able to shake him since. ”
from the outside looking in, it probably seems like the other way around. ariel used to nag him endlessly about overworking himself and not accepting any of her family’s help. he is family, so it’s better to rely on each other than to let him exert himself too much. but his work ethic is what’s gotten him so far, right? a mc on s-pop and for one of the more fun shows from what she can tell. it’s just perfect for him. “ if i seem mad later, don’t worry. it’s not real. he just naturally brings that out of me. sibling rage or something. maybe. do you get that with your siblings? i didn’t til chanyeol but i think that’s because he’s younger than me. ” ( @haseulrk )
S-Pop was still something that Haseul, for some reason, hadn’t gotten used to going on, maybe because it was usually small sections of groups that would be on there, it was kind of intimate and there wasn’t a lot of room for someone like her, someone that didn’t usually speak up that much, to hide. Lucky for her, her best friend seemed to be able to pick up her slack for that. “I think I met him once or twice? I don’t know him, know him, I guess. He seems nice at the very least. He’s far too tall, though.”
She nods at the question and laughs, thinking of how her and her siblings are in regards to that sort of thing. “I swear I threaten my brother every time I talk to him, it seems, Hayeon’s like that too, though, but he really is a good brother to us, despite how often his physical well being is put into question,” she explains, smiling to herself. She really should call her sister more often, check how she’s doing with school. “You really do have relatives everywhere, though, don’t you?” she teases, looking at Ariel. “I’ll have to tell you the story about meeting your other cousin soon.”
there’s a very brief period of silence that follows after she’d spoken, and it’s a period filled with anxiety and uncertainty, unsure if what she’d said would only make haseul feel worse, or if it would cause a rift between them. luckily, though, it seemed that it had put haseul at ease, as she continues to open up despite the manner in which such an intimate detail had spilled out. it almost feels inappropriate to not only feel relieved over such a thing, but also glad that it did because it’s just another step toward them getting closer, but she can’t help it. a small smile blooms on her face at the thought. “well, men aren’t very bright in general, huh?” she retorts back, letting out a small laugh.
she allows haseul to talk, to let out anything and everything she wants to in that moment. it seems as though she feels bad that she’d been hiding something like that from not only her, but the rest of their group, and it’s so quintessentially haseul that she can’t help but let out a little giggle. “it’s okay, really,” she says, shaking her head, hoping to alleviate some of this guilt she seems to be feeling. far be it from her to judge someone about keeping things to themselves. joohyun may very well be one of the worst at it. “i get it. it’s a hard thing to talk about not exactly the type of thing you can just casually bring up, even if you want to.”
she smiles again, but it drops when haseul looks up at her with those eyes, and suddenly she’s desperately reaching out for the younger girl’s hands, grasping them tightly into her own, looking into her eyes so that she can clearly convey her honesty and sincerity. “oh, honey, of course we’re okay! we’re more than okay!” she exclaims, gently shaking their hands together. “i know it was an accident, but i’m glad you decided to share this with me.”
she hopes just saying that is enough to ease whatever apprehensions haseul has left, but even if it isn’t, another thought pops up into her mind. even if it hadn’t been intentional, haseul has shared something very personal with her, and joohyun doesn’t want this sort of thing to be one-sided. trust, as they say, is a two-way street, so she pulls haseul along, only letting go of the other’s hand so she can climb into her own bed, patting the empty space in front of her, inviting haseul to join her. “now that i know something about you, i think it’s only fair you learn something about me, too. so…” she takes in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. it’s still incredibly difficult for her to open up completely to people, but she feels like it’s something she needs to do. “you can ask me anything, and i have to answer it one hundred percent honestly.”
Haseul had really wanted to tell the other girls about this, she really did, but not like this. She was usually so careful about what she lets people know about her, not that she thought badly of anyone, she just knew how things could get out of hand easily, how word spreads around and she just didn’t want the wrong people to know. Joohyun was a sweetheart, Haseul knew that, so she didn’t think she belonged on that particular list of people. “That seems to be the case sometimes, doesn’t it?” she finally chuckles as well, glad that Joohyun seems to be taking the news well.
She was taking it amazingly well, actually, the more Joohyun spoke, the better Haseul felt about the situation. Sure, she’d probably still hit her brother the next time she saw him, but at least she was at the point that she didn’t believe she’d have to worry about this. “It really is, do you know how many conversations I’ve had with people about my ‘ideal guy’ or what I’d want in a boyfriend? I literally had to come up with a guy to say I thought was attractive whenever someone talks about that stuff.”
Joohyun reassuring her that they were okay put her at ease fully now, she could tell that it was fully honest on her part, that they really were fine. “I am too. It actually feels really good to have someone else know and be okay with it. Thank you for being so understanding,” she said, giving her roommate a relieved smile.
Soon she’s being pulled from her spot on her bed, only to be offered a seat up on Joohyun’s bed instead. So she does so, joining her up there, listening carefully when Joohyun speaks, her eyebrows raising up at the offer. Haseul still really didn’t know that much about her roommate, so this was a big deal, she knew Joohyun kind of kept things to herself, much like she did. That meant this was big for Joohyun too. “I’m not really sure what to ask...,” she mused for a moment, thinking. “If it’s not too much, what did you used to do before you came to KT?” she knows it’s not that deep of a question, but she really wanted to know more about her. She laughed after asking it “I should have asked you if you had been dating anyone before or something, I guess, probably that question wasn’t what you were expecting...”
She knew she didn't really have to, but sometimes Haseul would come to KT to practice, even on what days she got off. It was kind of second nature to her at this point, a culmination of six years of effort, paired with a self-confidence issue meant that she constantly had to be doing things to prove to herself that she wasn't losing a step when they had less time they were required to spend in the building. She'd been practicing for this career for as long as she could remember, from singing lessons to instrument lessons, she had always thrown herself into it fully.
Today she was working on something a little less impactful, just because she was a little tired. She had brought her guitar along with her to the studio, wanting to see if she could learn how to mic it correctly to get a good recorded sound. It wasn't something she normally would do on her own, but it seemed interesting whenever she saw one of the techs do it when they were on stage. It took a while of maneuvering the device as well as doing some research online, but she finally got a sound that she liked from it before sitting down to actually record.
Her guitar in front of her, she began playing, warming up on a couple easy tunes, nothing that she hadn't played a million times before, but then she started in on something that she had wanted to do for a long time, recording the guitar parts from both their Day and Night sides. Having practiced the songs so often, she knew them by heart at this point, as even with their poppier Day side, they still had some rock guitars in the backing instrumentals of their songs. She wanted to record these and see if someday maybe KT would let her play something on one of their albums or maybe if they had a concert someday she could. If anything, maybe a YouTube video, anything really, she just wanted to show this side of her as well.
“ what groups are getting censored with dances? i swear there’s so much going on sometimes that i wonder if music shows come with a higher censorship rating now. mm, like pg-13 or something or is that the equivalent of 15 here … i’ve been wondering that ever since i watched dramas and would see it. ” when she says it out loud, she realizes that with korean age, maybe it really is the equivalent. wow, imagine that. there’s more she could say but, truthfully, she doesn’t want it to seem like she’s shaming any of the groups with sexier choreography. it’s just funny to see how the guidelines have changed for entertainment.
“ wait, really? not even once? i thought lemon soju was popular. ” or maybe peach and strawberry are much more popular. then again, she’s never been much of a fan of soju itself. yogurt soju cocktails, okay maybe. they’re nice but, most of the time, she’d rather drink something that else or not at all. “ i would’ve thought those parties from before had it a couple of times. ” though, that’s also something she wasn’t so fond of during their trainee days. “ ugh, why did you bring that up? don’t worry about that right now! just enjoy the party. you act like you haven’t been to one in forever staying to the side like this. come on, seul, let loose a bit. maybe i should find ahyoung and we could really go wild. well, not here but, you know. ”
“I thought I heard that a group did recently, but maybe I was wrong... I’ll see if I can find out again about that...” maybe her memory was failing her a bit, it wouldn’t be the first time. “Oh! I know that one at least! 15 is like an R movie in America, 12 is a PG-13 one. I looked it up once when there were some American movies I wanted to go see when I was younger,” she said, walking along with her towards where they’d be able to get some drinks. It did look like people were having fun, so they might as well.
“No, I haven’t, I guess. I don’t remember it anyway. I haven’t had any of the flavored soju, just the regular stuff. I’ve gotten to like beer now too, which is something I never thought I’d acquire the taste for,” she said with a shake of her head. “I need to try more fruity stuff, I guess, it sounds good, I just haven’t had it.” She needs to be more adventurous in general, and a flavored drink seemed to be as good of a place to start as any. “Is it really any different than how I’ve been at other parties?” she asks with a laugh, looking up at her best friend. “Is it weird that I think a wild night could be fun? It seems weird that I’m even saying it, but maybe it could be what we need.”
- Happy birthday, Haseul unnie!
- (Unnie is fine, right?)
- I hope you had a good birthday, and I hope we get to meet again soon. ^^;;
[Outgoing: Future Nell Duet Partner]
- Thank you so much! It’s so nice to hear from you!!
- Of course that’s okay~
- Thank you so much, Wendy, I hope we do too! It’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other!
just like haseul had done for her own birthday, joohyun lies in wait in their shared bedroom, a cupcake in hand, store bought because she doesn’t want to subject haseul to anything she’s made by hand on her birthday—maybe someday in the future she’ll have enough confidence to do that, but today is not that day. she’d been waiting there ever since haseul left to her birthday fanmeet, not wanting to chance being in the restroom or some other place when her roommate returned, and when she finally hears the door open again, she nearly panics, scrambling to grab the lighter to light up the single candle in the cupcake.
once the door swings open to their room, she begins singing the traditional birthday cake, but once she goes to stand up, she realizes that her feet have fallen asleep, and stumbles, nearly allowing the cupcake to topple off of the small plate she’d placed it on. luckily, it balances itself just as she does, and she continues the singing she’d paused in her panic. “happy birthday, our haseulie, happy birthday to you~!”
she holds out the cake so that the younger may blow on it, handing it off to her so that she can turn around to grab the gift she’d prepared. inside a pink gift bag, she’s placed a pair of cute oven mitts since she seemed to like baking, and a simple necklace with a small music note charm. she still has so much to learn about her fellow group member, but she hopes she likes the gifts nonetheless as she hands her the bag as well. “happy birthday, haseul~!”
1
Haseul’s heart was already full from being at the fanmeet, she really had gone to it half expecting what the manager had said, that they had sold out the tickets, to be a lie to try and make her feel better. She was pleasantly surprised to find they were indeed telling the truth and that she had the small, but intimate fan meeting for the first time. She hoped that they could have more opportunities to see each other and it made her thin that maybe she should try and make herself more known in at least one piece of social media so people could get to know her better.
She slips off her shoes when she enters the dorm, quite content with being home, as much as she did like things like this, she was still very much a homebody. She made her way down the hall to her shared room with Joohyun to put her things away, only to be surprised by her roommate beginning to sing once she opened the door.
She smiled warmly at all the effort Joohyun was putting in, though she thought for a second she might have to step forward to help wher with the plate when she saw it begin to tip. That would be her luck, a dorm fire because of her birthday. Luckily, Joohyun got it under control and she could enjoy the moment fully. “Joohyun! You didn’t have to go through all this trouble!” she really meant it, she really didn’t expect anything for her birthday, so this was a wonderful surprise. She sets the cupcake to the side when she presents her with the bag and she opens it there with her, smiling brightly at the thoughtfulness. “You’re so sweet for doing all this, thank you so much!”
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