Hate

All posts on here are directed specifically at abusers who have already done worse to me

[hatefulfire]

"You loved me" you said. And I imagine myself gripping your collar and punching your face. “I love you” I’d scream as I punch your face in, pinning you down, abhorred with rage. “I love you, I love you, I love you” until you’re bruised, bleeding, mangled. “I love you. I’m doing it for your sake, you made me do it ” until you can no longer speak or cry. “This! This is what you called love! Do you feel loved now! Do you feel loved, bleeding and destroyed by my feet? Do you call it love now? That’s how I you made me feel. I’m going to return your love the same way you gave it to me."

[hatefulfire]

It's for my own good, you said. Feeling like I'm dying, for my own good. Not getting to relax or rest, not getting a calm piece of mind, not feeling safe, not ever getting what everyone else is getting. Feeling less, feeling like a monster, like a burden. Wondering why it's just me. Learning to live with pain, learning to pretend I'm okay, learning to blame myself for it, for every moment my true feelings slip out, every flinch is 'lack of self control' to be ashamed of. Living in trauma, telling myself it's not real, I made it up. Letting go of any happy future. Letting go of idea that I could be loved. For my own good, you said. I should be grateful for this. There is worse, you said. You would have led me to death teaching me to thank you for it. For your good. It was for your good. My good was taken away by you. And you expected me to be powerless to do anything about it until the day I die. You were wrong.

[hatefulfire]

The only feeling you can trigger in me now is disgust.

[hatefulfire]

You know what, because you're dumb and abusive parents I am ending your entire bloodline. This hell ends with me. You will find out where abusing a kid will get you: to your deaths, with nothing to show for, no legacy, no heritage, no rememberance. All you will die with is contempt held for you by a person who was once your child, who you had a chance to raise. You forfeited that chance the first time you raised your hand at me. If I have a family, there will be no blood of yours in it.

[hatefulfire]

Dignity cannot be achieved by force. And just because you never had any, it gave you no right to mess with mine. I am not the one who reduced myself to violence over vulnerable, or the one who acted without honor or honesty or humility. You have destroyed the last bit of your humanity to hurt me, and you did it, good job, I hope it made you happy. Because it was the last mistake you made, and the consequences are catching up.

[hatefulfire]

The disgust you felt towards me was not meant for me, it was meant for yourself that you projected on me. You couldn't handle being disgusted with yourself so much that you diverted it to me, trying to comfort yourself that it was me who deserved your contempt, me who was gross and deserving of hatred. I had nothing to do with it. You should grow a backbone and feel your own disgust with yourself. Projecting it on others only makes you that more disgusting. Keep it all to yourself.

[hatefulfire]

Making someone scared for their life and sanity and then expecting love out of them is insanity. What even did you think would happen. You will never deserve love by violence or love by terror. But you knew that. You knew that you were infesting nothing but rage and hatred. You thought this was fine. You thought it would never reach you if you keep that terror high enough. Well guess what: you couldn't. My terror of you has bounds, but my disgust, rage, contempt and hatred do not. The hell you created in me is coming for you, and you will be sorry as you burn.

[hatefulfire]

Only power you ever held over me was the power of your cowardice. You were scared of being bested by a child, you were scared of not being obeyed, as if non compliance made you lose your dignity; you were scared of my independent mind and creative power, you were threatened by my intelligence and my sense to see reason.

That’s what you attacked in me. That’s what bothered you. And like a most cowardly piece of pathetic goo, you found this was worth resorting to violence over. Boo-hoo, I was smarter than you. Boo-hoo, I was okay with the way I looked. Boo-hoo, I wasn’t your propery. Boo-hoo, I could live without you. Boo-hoo, I didn’t find you worth obeying.

You think violence and torture made you more worthy? It made you unworty of existing. You think terror of you made me respect you? I was filled with nothing but disgust and desire to end you. Because you became nothing to me, unworthy of my attention or care or love, you were not worthy even being stepped over, so you forced it out of me when it was all far from your reach, far from anything you deserved.

You went against nature and justice to tear what you wanted from me, and you will be cursed with that forever. You will never again be worthy of anyone’s love. You have proven that no power belongs to your hands, you are twisted and unnatural and reaching for what isn’t yours. Rot in contempt, you powerless, disgusting rat. Nobody wants your violence.

[hatefulfire]

I hope when I abandoned you you felt it in your bones, I hope you felt a part of your body be torn away from you forever, I hope you're tortured at night by how you lost me and what will happen to you next; I hope you know I've seen thru all of your lies, and will expose every crime you ever did. I hope you lie in terror that entire world already knows what you are and what you did to me, I hope you panic, I hope you're seeing yourself banished into darkness and solitude, to die alone and despised for betraying the trust of someone who depended on you not to be a fucking monster. I hope you're scared to go out and look people in the eye when they ask about me. I hope you fear they all realized it was you who's to blame. I hope you regret your crimes against me all your life, and I hope the consequences eat you alive until you wish you were dead.

[hatefulfire]

You told me so many times ‘if I was acting like you, I wouldn’t do xyz for you and what would you do then?’ to stiffle my 'no’, and every single time I thought, what if I acted like you instead? What if at the slightest disobedience I didn’t control my anger and instead attempted to rip your ugly head off? What if it was me screaming in rage, threatening your life, describing just how I’m going to torture you, kill you, if I don’t get my way? What if I was out of control like you and stopped caring for your health and life and simply destroyed everything you owm and broke every bone in your body because I felt slighted? What if I considered my control over you more important than your life and held you between my hand around your throat and you doing what I say, shaking, apologizing, broken? Would you like that? Would you like me to follow your example and erase your will just to extend my power over you? Would you like doing what I said in terror that I will still kill you afterward? Or would you end your life rather than live helpless and controlled? You’re a coward. I know what you’d do.

[hatefulfire]

I think It would be interesting to see if someone told you that if you worked very very hard, and didn’t complain when you were hurt, tired, hungry, cold, lonely, sick, upset or heartbroken, if you on top of it endured insults, screaming, accusations and hatred, never fought back, accepted that all of your problems were imagined and your fault, learned to hate yourself, and still kept working hard for an indefinite amount of time, then you would deserve to live. If you could endure all that, then you would be accepted and allowed to exist. And after you did it all, they just come in and kill you anyway.

I want you to feel it. You should know how it feels to sacrifice everything to keep your life only for it to be stolen away from you brutally, when you think you’re safe. You did that to me. Least you can do now is to accept that you as well deserve to be broken in the same way. Helplessness would do miracles to your ego.

[hatefulfire]

just hearing the word 'father' makes me want to squash that miserable pile of entitlement into dirt

[hatefulfire]

I wish the entire surface of my skin was covered in knives and spikes so every time you tried to hit me, you would stab your hand instead.

[hatefulfire]

You should be forced to only see yourself thru my eyes, thru eyes of someone you've forced in pain and in terror. Your soul should be crying and begging me for forgiveness, you should not feel peace for as long as you breathe.

[hatefulfire]

You should be subjected to the true image of yourself until you can no longer breathe out of pain of knowing what you are, you should have fingers pointing at you all day, repeating your sins over and over until you can no longer stand it and beg for death, and even then, you should not be spared.

You should have the same mercy you showed to your victims.

[hatefulfire]

You should live in shame and devastation of what you've done to me. You should be told you don't deserve to eat, you don't deserve a bed to sleep in, you don't deserve a roof over your head. You should be hurt over and over again then locked away and forgotten, knowing every single person on the planet is better off without you existing.

[hatefulfire]

You shouldn't be able to even look at yourself, you should be aware that your face and body is one of poisonous demon who destroys everything good, you should see yourself for who you really are and know that you do not have the right to exist.