Hattie-Grave

motherhood, mental health, books, & quiet poems

[hattie-graves-world]

I have become the quiet.

The one who swallows every storm

so no one else has to.

I hold my tongue,

bury my anger,

fold my hurt into places

no one thinks to look.

But I am so tired.

Tired of being the glue

while everyone else

is allowed to come undone.

Tired of feeling

like my heart only matters

when it isn’t heavy.

You hear my words,

but they never seem

to reach you.

Anger doesn’t sound

like anger to me.

It sounds like old memories.

Like fear.

Like everything I promised

my children would never mistake

for love.

I don’t want shouting.

I don’t want to survive

the people I love.

I want peace.

The kind that doesn’t ask me

to disappear

just to keep it.

[hattie-graves-world]

You notice the shift.

The moment something inside me begins to unravel, my smile becomes a mask too heavy to hold. I retreat into the quiet, not because the silence is peaceful, but because it is the only thing standing between the chaos in my mind and the world outside of it.

You tell me you notice.

But you only notice what survives the surface.

The hesitation.

The vacant stare.

The way my words become fewer, softer, safer.

You never hear the noise beneath them.

The endless tide of thoughts crashing into one another. Every wave insisting it is truth. Every fear demanding to be believed. Every impulse begging to be spoken before I can convince it to let go.

So I wage a war no one else can see.

I pull apart every thought before it reaches my lips. I question it. Challenge it. Bury it. Not because it stops hurting, but because I refuse to let every storm inside me become a storm between us.

Inside, I am drowning.

Not in water, but beneath the weight of a mind that never seems to rest. It fills my lungs with poison and calls it certainty. It wraps its hands around my heart and calls it love.

Some days, I don’t know which voice belongs to me anymore.

But I know this.

I would rather suffocate beneath the noise than let it become the air you breathe.

So while you see someone growing quieter, I am fighting for you in the only way I know how.

By refusing to let the darkest corners of my mind convince me they deserve your light.

[hattie-graves-world]

Why do people leave an hour early for something that is only like 5-10 mins away?

Anxiety: to get away from you. To talk to friends. Friends are more important.

[hattie-graves-world]

I need to focus on not voicing opinions or thoughts but that's hard to when my mind is non-stop spiraling. The voices, doubts, and negative things up there are so loud. TW: SH mention

Sometimes I miss SH. Like an old friend I could turn to whenever the thoughts get too loud. When I'm drowning in my own thoughts 🤔💭 it's a good debate between SH or a drink.

[stargirl1l]

[actuallymagsdump]

I just wanted reassurance and ended up arguing

[hattie-graves-world]

All the time

[somewherepastokay]

[hattie-graves-world]

I'mma just keep my mouth shut cause nothing good ever comes from trying to express feelings. Just going to keep them inside and maybe drown in them. But at least your feelings won't get hurt 🤷‍♀️

[ru1n3r]

i think if i had the option to never have existed i would pick that

[catkola]

Bitches wanna buy their boyfriends the latest consoles but when was the last time he CONSOLED you? ps 5 years ago

[perfectfeelings]

“Stop thinking so much. You’re breaking your own heart.”

— Unknown

[somewherepastokay]

[hattie-graves-world]

Sometimes I just wanna bash my head repeatedly into the wall 🙃

[rotndevotion]

[bpdmutt]

“just communicate” becomes a lot harder when your brain keeps treating uncertainty like a physical threat

[hattie-graves-world]

I want to feel like a priority. Maybe that's why I enjoy reading about obsessive/possessive MMC's.

[hattie-graves-world]

It's not that hard to send a text just to check in. 🫥