Life choices

[hauntedtidalwavelight]

Is it meant to get worse before it gets better?

Beginning to feel the problem is me.. or am i being made to feel that way because of others insecurities.

They say its meant to be hard especially first few years. But this seems to have made the last 23 months difficult rather than hard. Feeling like you want out at least 4 times a week cant be normal...

I feel trapped. I cant move forward. He says im hurtful, venomous, toxic. Sometimes i think hes right. But he knows which buttons to push he knows how to wind me up... sometimes i cant breathe being around him.

I feel trapped..

[hauntedtidalwavelight]

A hard week - hospitals et al

Sometimes, you think your worries are so great, your life is tough and you get into thos tidalwave of complaint. Then something major happens to bring you back to earth.

Something similar has happened. My uncle went in to hosojtal a few days ago. Severe heart attack they said. His left and right side arteries are blocked. He found it hard to breath without the oxygen mask. Kidneys werent functioning. Blood wasnt pumping.

Alot of medical jargon was used. While we all sat in the waiting room for him to get stable. For some good news. We looked around the room and saw how this incident has bought us closer together. We never thought possible. Disagreements tend to happen in the family. But the fear of losing us brought us together. We cant lose him.

We are still playing the waiting game. We are still waiting for the doc to give us some news. But it hurts. Its hard to see him this way.

Please keep him your thoughts. Send your love, prayers, good vibes. Anything u can. We would be grateful.

[hauntedtidalwavelight]

Good days and bad days!

Another question for you all out there today and maybe more for you to ponder on.

We all have good days and bad days thats just part of our existence and i guess we all have gotten accustomed to it whether we want to or not.

But my food for thought to you today is do you ever feel how am I having a good day today when yesterday was so bad? Or vice versa?

Does it ever make you question why is there no middle ground how can it go from one of the spectrum to the other?

So for example. Yesterday i thought for sure my absolutely crappy day is only going to continue. It wont get better. I hate this guy ive married and theres no way we will get past the argument weve had.

Fast forward to today. Its a good day. We havent argued we are doing well. He has had his time ive had me time. We couldnt be happier!

Honestly how does this happen? I cant be the only one can I? Let me know what yoi think? 🤔

[hauntedtidalwavelight]

Deep in thought

How did it all change. Have you ever sat down past all the noise and hustle of the relationship and just tried to collect your thoughts? And thought where did it all change? How did it all change?

There was a moment where a single tear drop would hurt you but now you make me cry for days?

When did this love turn into a burden that you or I or maybe both are carrying?

While you sit there contemplating you see his stupid face and think yep thats what i fell in love with. But where did we take the wrong turn... cause lord knows we need to u-turn the hell outta here!

[hauntedtidalwavelight]

Love or comfortability?

They say marriage isnt easy. Its meant to be full of compromises.. but what if the foundation was built on lies.. what if certain truths were hidden that have led us to the path we are on now...

There are days when i dont want to be near him.. days when i am happier without him. But then there are days when i long to be with him. Cant wait to be with him or see him..

Is that love or comfortability? Am I just used to being with him? Is it the fact i cant have a failed marriage? Am i trying too hard for it not to fail?

Is there a formula im missing.

[hauntedtidalwavelight]

choices?!

have you ever felt you made the wrong choices? Sometimes I feel I made some decisions in haste and am now having to deal with the consequences.

I feel more unhappier now at times when i think about the decisions i made. Sometimes i feel im stuck in an entanglement with the decisions i have made. These cobwebs are getting out of hand. I find it hard to breath sometimes.

I spent sleepless nights trying to figure out how my life made such a u turn. Did i make the right choice. As i lie here next to who i feel is a stranger i question my life choices of the past few years... im filled with regret.. but my heart aches to speak my truth...

Does this make me a bad person?