shaking hands with the dark parts of my thoughts

Trying my damn hardest to survive and overcome the hand I've been dealt. Ask me anything. I've been through a lot in this life and am open to sharing lessons I've learned through it all.

[pandalfthecray]

Does anyone know how grumpy cat is doing

[havingtwelvepercentofamoment]

2010 me: who are you

2016 me: im you but gayer

[pandalfthecray]

Trigger Warning:

This popped up on my Facebook feed this evening and it makes me fucking rage.

People need to stop glorifying abusive and sadistic relationships. The joker abused Harley in several different ways and it is in no way something anyone should ever strive for.

It is not ok.

You don’t want to fear the sound of his footsteps when you realize you forgot to do the dishes before he got home from work. You don’t want to know what it feels like to lay helplessly on the kitchen floor while he “relieves his stress” via his fists on you. You don’t want to have to try to hide a police officer’s business card in case things get worse, although you know you can’t use it without worse consequences, not to mention the consequences if he finds out you have it. You don’t want to hear the sound of your own bones breaking. You don’t want to have to ignore your friends’ invites to hang out until your bruises fade enough to cover up, or drop them completely because they don’t like him so he doesn’t like them and won’t let you go.

You don’t want this.

Stop.

[pandalfthecray]

Hey friends.

So, I posted a while ago about a gofundme page to help with my kitten’s medical expenses because he needed extensive dental work. I’ve talk to several vets to get the best opinions and prices and, while it has been months, I’m finally able to get him in for his exam and xrays to start the process.

However, he has now potentially developed urinary stones as well which, worst case, means surgery. I will be covering that in the exam this week as well, but he could need xrays for that too which adds a hefty sum to the vet bill.

At this point, if he needs more surgery, I won’t be able to afford it and will have to surrender him, and that breaks my heart entirely. Nothing has been confirmed or denied but already I’m a total mess at the thought of it.

While I’ve been trying to save for his initial surgery life has beaten me over and over and over. I can’t seem to catch a break and while I will do everything in my power to help my little boy, I know I can’t do it alone.

If anyone has any spare change at all that you would be willing to donate it would mean the world to both me and Jeff. I really don’t want to lose him but I am running out of options.

Please spread the word, and I am so grateful to any of you that share or donate to help my little guy out.

Thank you

Here is the link if you’re able to help. 💜 gofundme.com/cvb484yc

[havingtwelvepercentofamoment]

Save the baby😺❤❤

[justbadpuns]

People keep asking who is behind this account, SO. My name is James I am 18 and I live in England. 

[justbadpuns]

As much as Casey is great I think the answer is no I am like 17 years younger

[havingtwelvepercentofamoment]

Why do you look like you should be on the cover of an indie album?

[thepoeticunderground]

[havingtwelvepercentofamoment]

For some free Qriket spins when you sign up

Use code B1C451 Start earning some spare change for the bus or something. Actually, I've quire enjoyed the app and would recommend you check it out. Free money, even if it's not in large amounts every day, is still free money... So it's not like you can really go wrong there. Anyway, try it out! :)

[narcotic]

Happiness is the only thing we can give without having

The saddest thing anyone has told me (via narcotic)

[pandalfthecray]

I fought with myself for a while before I gained enough confidence to post this. I’m usually not one to post material of this sort, of myself at least, but I’ve been working hard and I felt really good about this photo, so here you go.

[havingtwelvepercentofamoment]

😍

[mrsuperman90]

Pour me another.

[havingtwelvepercentofamoment]

Lately I've had this constant internal struggle that sounds something like

"I'm just not gonna eat for the rest of the day. I need to lose weight anyway."

"Thats called being anorexic and is a serious problem. Don't be fucking dumb."

or

"Maybe, if I throw up sometimes it will help shave off some pounds."

"No, that's not ok."

[pandalfthecray]

Me: *suffering a slow, painful death from cramps* I’m just gonna go home and cry myself to sleep. Boy: Oh, you’ll be OK. Me:

[havingtwelvepercentofamoment]

Lol

[pandalfthecray]

living proof that bitches be cray

[mcdyke-deactivated20171112]

being a female means needing to see 10 different doctors to get a proper diagnosis because they always think you’re exaggerating and/or lying

[leftiesneedrights]

define proper diagnosis. I mean, does that just mean the diagnosis you want?

[mcdyke-deactivated20171112]

no :) it means going to 10 different doctors who disbelieved your symptoms until the 11th found cysts on your ovaries :) which may mean infertility :) sit on a cactus :)

[cobra-23-deactivated20151224]

I call bullshit

[40yodater]

Of course you do. Like the first 10 doctors. 😒

[cobra-23-deactivated20151224]

I call bullshit on the story. If you think you have an issue you should see a specialist not just your PCP.

[40yodater]

Like the 4 “specialists” I saw for the crippling numbness in my face and legs I had for over a year while they told me it was “stress”? When it was finally found that I had scars on my brain and spine? Those “specialists” we’re male neurologist who wouldn’t give me an MRI because “women stress too much”. Go fuck yourself.

[beesplosion]

MY SPINE WAS BROKEN FOR 2 YEARS BECAUSE MY DOCTORS TOLD ME I JUST HAD BAD CRAMPS AND REFUSED TO TAKE XRAYS. FUCK YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. WHEN WILL BOYS REALIZE THEIR EXPERIENCES ARENT STANDARD???? I ALSO LOVE THIS IDEA THAT YOU CAN JUST GO TO A SPECIALIST WHENEVER YOU WANT LOL IF OUR PCP DOESNT BELIEVE US WHEN WE TELL THEM OUR SYMPTOMS THEY ARENT GONNA REFER US TO A SPECIALIST YOU FUCKING MOLDY WALNUT

[proudly-pro-choice]

My parents began noticing something large in my throat, saw a specialist….Guess what? Told me to lose some weight..even though I wasn’t overweight. I would have my period for weeks at a time. Was told that it was teenage hormones and stress.

Two fucking years later I attempted suicide they ran a battery of tests as required and bam! They find out that I have untreated Hashimoto’s. The “thing” was a goiter. Possible symptoms of an untreated thyroid disease is the goiter, unexplained weight gain, and depression. All they had to do was test my blood, but they said young people don’t have thyroid problems. 😒

-Allie

[veins-and-veils]

The boys’ comments on this infuriate me. Sit down and listen, you’ll maybe learn for once.

[auntytany]

Like those two doctors who told me that the pain in the eye I got was due to too much time spent geeking on my computer. I tried to get an appointment with a specialist, but no one available before at least a month because “not an emergency”. In fact, I had a growing cyst and I later found I had a general infection what would grow cysts everywhere on my body until treated. When a second cyst appeared and I couldn’t open my eye anymore, I went to the nearest A&E and the doctor’s expression was priceless: “Why don’t you have a treatment?!” “They said I was too much on the computer. They only gave me lotion to clean my eye. Both of them.” “ WHAT” 

[havingtwelvepercentofamoment]

After some pregnancy scares that turned out to be false when tbh a couple times I really should have been, I asked a family planning specialist about testing for infertility. I had done some things that could have caused it. I was 19 at the time and decided that if I am I would want to know now instead of when I'm settling down and trying to have kids. The doctor told me that I was in my prime and should always use protection. That was 6 years ago. Guess who can't have kids. It pissed be off because I asked about it and gave her my story, and because the average female is highly fertile at that time I shouldn't worry. Guess what, sometimes it does happen. We aren't all the average.

[tanknaka]

hey

hey friend

dont kill yourself tonight ok

you have a really pretty smile and i know its not always easy to manage one but itd be a bummer if we never had the chance to see it ever again

youre really important and you matter a lot so stay safe and try and have a nice sleep

[the-grace-of-fallen-angels]

I would like a moment to thank the people who reblog post like this so that it eventually shows on my dash.

It is keeping me alive

[lavendertears]

I actually really needed this tonight, thank you

[extrasad]

What happens once you kill yourself? Because I'm ready to go.

You wanna know what happens once you kill yourself? Your mother comes home from work and finds her baby dead and she screams and runs over to you and tries to get you to wake up but you won’t and she keeps screaming and shaking you and her tears are dripping onto your face and your dad hears all the screaming and runs into the room and he can’t even speak because the child that he loved and the child that he watched grow up is gone forever and finally your little sister runs into the room to see what all the fuss is about and she sees you dead. The person she looked up to and loved. The person she bragged about to  her friends, the person she wanted to be just like when she grew up, the person that made her feel safe. But she’s never really going to get to grow up and smile and laugh and love because she’ll always be consumed with this feeling of missing you. And now there’s something missing from your family and they can barely look at each other anymore because everything reminds them of you but you’re gone and hurts more than anything. and you think that your mom never cared because she was always busy and yelling at you to finish your homework and clean your room and forgot to say I love you sometimes but really, she loved you more than anything and she doesn’t leave the house anymore, she can’t even get out of bed and she’s getting thinner and thinner because it’s too hard to eat. Your father had to quit his job and he doesn’t sleep anymore, every time he closes his eyes he sees his baby dead, and the image never goes away no matter how much alcohol he drinks. And at school your best friend sees that your seat is empty and she gets this sick feeling in her stomach and that’s when she hears the announcement. You killed yourself. And suddenly she’s screaming and crying in the middle of class and no one even bothers comforting because they’re all  busy sitting there staring at your empty seat with tears dripping down their cheeks and all she wants is for you to hug her and tell her it’s gonna be okay like you always did, but this time, you’re not there to do it, everything is dark now that you’re gone and her grades are slipping, she barely goes to school anymore and she ended up in hospital after taking too many pills because she wanted to see you again. the girls who used to make fun of the way you dressed feel their throats get tight, they don’t talk to each other anymore, they don’t talk to anyone, they’re all in therapy trying so hard not to blame themselves but nothing works. and your teacher who always gave you a hard time stares blankly at the wall, she quits her job a few days later. And then your boyfriend hears the news and he can’t breathe, he still calls you a lot just to hear your voice and he talks to you on facebook but you never message him back, he can’t fall in love again because every girl he meets reminds him of you, he’s never going to get over you, he loved you and he cries himself to sleep every night, hating himself and slicing his skin because he couldn’t save you and he’s never going to hold you in his arms or hear you laugh again. Now everyone who knew you, whether they were a big part of your life or someone you passed in the hallway a few times a week, they carry this aching feeling around inside them because you’re gone, and they miss you, and they don’t know why you left but it must’ve been their fault and they should’ve stopped you and they should’ve told you they loved you more and that feeling is never going to go away. And so you killed yourself

but you killed everyone else around you too. 

[martinawrites]

this need to be on everyone’s blog

[sleepybambi]

this makes me think..

[janoskipornhub-deactivated20150]

God bless whoever wrote this.

[ioanaslovesongs]

im crying

[phanscuddles]

I never usually reblog things like this.. but if it saves just one persons life… please take thime to read this even if you think there is no point in living. Please.

[bisexual-dodie-yellow-deactivat]

this made me sad, not because it was about suicide but because I thought about all of my family and friends and that would probs happen if I ever felt so bad that I did that to myself

[im-an-optimistic-pessimist-deac]

For anyone who needs this.

[cashtonsnudes-deactivated201604]

Wow

[marim-bruh]

@thesolopianist

[abbxieelifestyle]

I haven’t posted in a while because I’m trying so hard to get better, but it’s not working, will this fucking pain ever go away 😭😭😭