“ it's just for one weekend. “
“ your parents hate me. you do know that, right? “
“ i'll be your date to the wedding. “
“ would you just do me this one favor? “
“ you need a date, i'm available. “
“ do you want to do this or not? “
“ this is insane, you do know that right? “ “ what else am i supposed to do? “ “ have you tried being honest? “
“ i hate your family, and your family hate me. “ “ well, i don't hate either of you. “
“ before we do anything, we should go over some ground rules. “
“ it’s one weekend. “ [beat] “ seriously? is the sight of my face really that repulsive? “
“ come on, you're my only option. “
“ you're good at this, you know. convincing me to do things that i damn well know's gonna end in disaster. “
“ just promise me one thing. “ “ what's that? “ “ don't fall in love with me. “ “ [too late]. “
“ don’t speak, or you’ll ruin everything. “
“ just smile and hold my hand. “
“ i can't believe we're doing this. “
“ this was a mistake. “ “ you're right. it was. “
“ we don't need to spend time together, okay? “
“ you kissed me last night. “ “ and you didn't stop me. “
“ i now pronounce us husband and wife. “
“ i'm so sorry. i never should have asked this of you. “
“ if anything, you should be honored. “
“ i can’t stand the sound of your voice, let alone the thought of kissing you. “
“ if i give you ten dollars, will you do it? “
“ hold my hand. “ “ what? “ “ just hold it. “
“ my ex won’t leave me alone, okay, i’m in desperate need of a diversion. “
“ are you fucking kidding me? you’re the one who asked me to be here. “
“ where’s my soap? “ “ i replaced it. “ “ it smells like fucking cinnamon. “ “ so? “ “ it's fucking june. “ [beat] “ where did you even get it? “
“ do i need to remind you that we're not actually married? “
“ this is my house. “ “ but… we’re married? “
“ we’ve been best friends since middle school, no one is going to believe this. “ “ everyone is going to believe this. “
“ you gon’ hire a child, too? “ “ well, that depends, do you happen to have a niece? “
“ but... there’s only one bed. “ “ take the couch. “ “ but... we're married? “ “ not behind closed doors. “
“ so i’m your -- “ “ fiancé. for the time being. “ “ that sounds like a threat. “ “ maybe it is. “
“ kisses aren’t necessary. we can stick to hugs and hand holding. “
“ would you pretend to be my date? “
“ tonight... maybe we don't have to pretend. “
“ what i’m about to ask you might be a little… inappropriate. “
“ do you think we should practice [kissing]? “ “ sure... “
“ if you want to ask me out on a date, ask me out on a date. no need to orchestra a whole ass fake marriage just because you're too much of a wimp to admit what you want. “
“ i want you to marry me. for real, this time. “
“ you feel it too, don’t you? “
“ this thing we’ve got going on, it’s so much more than it ever used to be. “
“ i want us to be exclusive. no more lies, no more pretending... “
“ tell me this is real. tell me i’m not the only one who felt something that night. “
“ when this is all over, i don’t want us to go our separate ways. “
“ i don’t want this to end. i don’t. “
“ it's the most real thing thing i’ve felt in my life. “
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