upper 20s n h8in' it. Existentialism or bust. Working video editor, non-working fanfiction writer, working towards the goal of living in Hell with the three-headed dog. Welcome to the shit show. Literally here to post my fanfiction and run away.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
SHOW SPOILERS, NO MANGA SPOILERS :)
NOW COMPLETE
Chapters: 2/2
Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager
Characters: Jean Kirstein, Eren Yeager
Additional Tags: Smut, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Relatively free of angst for once, Established Relationship, Communication is Real, Switching, Top/Bottom Jean Kirstein, Top/Bottom Eren Yeager, set during timeskip, First Time Bottoming, Spoilers, Up to S4P2, Explicit Sexual Content, very soft in an interesting way, less rivalry more lovers sort of vibes in this one
Summary:
It wasn’t Jean’s body above him that made his heart race. It wasn’t the proximity of his shirtless chest that made breath feel so shallow in his own throat. It certainly wasn’t because they were doing this at all, as they’d been doing this for quite some time now, and fucking each other was an activity they’d both come to have marked enthusiasm for.
No. They were no longer mapping each other’s bodies like new territory, or finding the sensitive spots neither of them were aware of, or even sneaking around like they had done once. Oh, no. That wasn’t why Eren was newly anxious.
It wasn’t any of that.
It was something completely, entirely new, unfamiliar, and nerve-wracking enough to make Eren feel almost dizzy, and the anticipation of it was possibly going to kill him.
-
Jean and Eren have a conversation about new things they'd like to try in bed.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
SHOW SPOILERS, NO MANGA SPOILERS :)
-----
Chapters: 1/2
Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager
Additional Tags: Smut, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Relatively free of angst for once, Established Relationship, Communication is Real, Switching, Top/Bottom Jean Kirstein, Top/Bottom Eren Yeager, set during timeskip, First Time Bottoming, Spoilers, Up to S4P2, Explicit Sexual Content
Summary:
It wasn’t Jean’s body above him that made his heart race. It wasn’t the proximity of his shirtless chest that made breath feel so shallow in his own throat. It certainly wasn’t because they were doing this at all, as they’d been doing this for quite some time now, and fucking each other was an activity they’d both come to have marked enthusiasm for.
No. They were no longer mapping each other’s bodies like new territory, or finding the sensitive spots neither of them were aware of, or even sneaking around like they had done once. Oh, no. That wasn’t why Eren was newly anxious.
It wasn’t any of that.
It was something completely, entirely new, unfamiliar, and nerve-wracking enough to make Eren feel almost dizzy, and the anticipation of it was possibly going to kill him.
-
Jean and Eren have a conversation about new things they'd like to try in bed.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
LAST CHAPTER POSTED, NOW COMPLETE! SHOW SPOILERS, NO MANGA SPOILERS
Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Rating: M
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein, Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert, Jean Kirstein & Connie Springer, Armin Arlert & Jean Kirstein, Mikasa Ackerman & Jean Kirstein
Characters: Floch Forster, Jean Kirstein, Connie Springer, Armin Arlert, Mikasa Ackerman, Eren Yeager
Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Torture, strong friendship dynamics, Morally Complicated Floch, Hurt Jean Kirstein, Gen or Pre-Slash, for jeankasa, Canon Divergent, every character tagged has a very implicit role in this story, Spoilers, Up to S4P2, Somewhat graphic injury, Floch Fanart, Drama, Major Character Injury, Found Family, Character Study For Floch
~~~~~
Fic Summary:
A canon divergent scene where the confrontations of the restaurant never happened. Hange is nowhere to be found, and Floch, hellbent on seeing his and Eren's plans through, is determined to find out where Zeke is being kept.
~~~~~
Chapter Three Snippet:
Help Jean; don’t think of Eren; help Jean; don’t think of him; help Jean; he wouldn’t do this; help Jean.
His face was softened from his weakness, the tight lines of pain washed away, eyes themselves too spent to keep fully open. Armin’s stare drifted down to the slight splatter of blood on the left edge of his chest, then it drifted to where it became more dense, the red mottling his bicep, and finally, to the crook of his elbow, so saturated that not even a stitch of green remained.
“We need to remove this so we can treat the wound appropriately,” he decided after a moment – help Jean; this wasn’t his doing; help Jean – Armin’s fingers went to the buttons and popped them open. “Mikasa, try and shift him so we can slip the uninjured arm out first.”
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
SHOW SPOILERS | NO MANGA SPOILERS THO :)
Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Rating: Explicit
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager
Characters: Jean Kirstein, Eren Yeager, Levi Ackerman, Hange Zoë, Mikasa Ackerman, Connie Springer, Sasha Blouse, Armin Arlert
Additional Tags: Hate Sex, Enemies to Lovers, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, (I'm incapable of writing content without those last two), (that's just how it is), Smut, Porn With Plot, It is mostly porn at first, But like there is a plot, I see smut with explicit tags all the time I don't know how to do that, They do smut things, Flirting, Sexual Tension, Resolved Sexual Tension, Spoilers, Humor, Blood and Injury, so mild compared to what's in the show, there's a taste of every genre in this story somehow, Up to S4P2 to be safe, Top Eren Yeager, Bottom Jean Kirstein, also it is completely littered with smut, littered, now with sfw fanart by Nene
Summary:
There was always a fleeting moment before they began pummeling each other that made Jean feel something he couldn’t quantify. In the seconds between their directed insults and the feeling of bleeding knuckles was this curious transition, a glint between them that Jean didn’t bother to understand, and it walked a line between the definition of fury and the associated feeling of fervor.
Jean had been in a lot of fights before; none of them had the charge of zeal that he felt when he was at his wit’s end with Eren.
He felt it now.
Set during the time where they're stationed along the coast, prior to contact with any outsiders, when Eren and Jean's rivalry brings them to a level neither of them is quite ready for. SFW Fanart by Nene, an incredible reader, in the last chapter.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
SHOW SPOILERS THROUGH S4P2.
Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein, Mikasa Ackerman & Armin Arlert, Jean Kirstein & Connie Springer, Armin Arlert & Jean Kirstein, Mikasa Ackerman & Jean Kirstein
Characters: Floch Forster, Jean Kirstein, Connie Springer, Armin Arlert, Mikasa Ackerman, Eren Yeager
Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Torture, strong friendship dynamics, if you're a Floch stan you'll either hate this or love this, as a Floch stan myself I love it, Morally Complicated Floch, Feral Connie, Hurt Jean Kirstein, Gen or Pre-Slash, for jeankasa, Canon Divergent, every character tagged has a very implicit role in this story, Spoilers, Up to S4P2, somewhat graphic injury, Floch Fanart
“I don’t want to do this,” Floch continued, “and if you are my comrade, I will not. But I would eviscerate an enemy in order to keep my people safe and if you do not recognize the threats you and the others are enacting upon us by the actions you’ve taken, if you don’t cooperate with me, if you refuse and keep this information that I am demanding to yourself…you will mark yourself as an enemy to our nation and I will treat you as such, do you understand me?”
An alternate scene where the confrontations of the restaurant never happened. Hange is nowhere to be found, and Floch, hellbent on seeing his and Eren's plans through, is determined to find out where Zeke is being kept.
Incredible Floch fanart by Nene posted in the second chapter.
For the two of you who may recognize my username, I used to be active on AO3 as MabelOverture, where I wrote a lot of Royai (still my OTP).
I created a new AO3 some months ago, and I’m currently enjoying Attack on Titan brainrot. I am going to shamelessly promote that here because I love the work I’ve put into some of these fics, and fellow SnK fans may, too. And the many user subs I had on MabelOverture aren’t getting notified when I post anymore so, just lettin’ my loves know that I’m still around - just elsewhere.
SnK AO3: Lycosidae
Excerpt from a fic to bait the line 👀
The bark of the tree bit into Jean’s hand as he launched himself off of it, taking Eren by surprise at his sudden movement and with a quick, powerful motion, Jean grabbed that goddamned hand, pulled Eren forward, wrenched it behind his back, and pinned Eren’s chest against him so their faces were only inches apart.
There was something uncharacteristically sweet about it. Like the first swallow of honey-sweetened whiskey, where the sugar was present but only in the confines of something vitriolic and bitter. For a long moment, Jean glared down at the widened eyes plastered on Eren’s face, that shocked look enough to make Jean’s tight lips smile in satisfaction. He loved swiping that smug look off of him. To see those emerald eyes stunned.
There was always a fleeting moment before they began pummeling each other that made Jean feel something he couldn’t quantify. In the seconds between their directed insults and the feeling of bleeding knuckles was this curious transition, a glint between them that Jean didn’t bother to understand, and it walked a line between the definition of fury and the associated feeling of fervor.
Jean had been in a lot of fights before; none of them had the charge of zeal that he felt when he was at his wit’s end with Eren.
Completed my latest little short fic. Last chapter is up!
This account is now purely for self promotion on sites for my secret love of fanfiction where only a handful of people will see my work and it's wild like such a part of my life is *this* and nobody in my circle even knows. And I'm just ranting now because I'm never on Tumblr and I feel like saying it. So I'm saying!!! Thank you!! To anyone!!! Who reads!!! My!!! Shit!!! You make me happy!
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
If you're wondering who this strange person on your dash is, it's a person who hasn't posted in like 2 years.
Anyway I'm still writing. If you followed me once upon a time it meant you at least somewhat enjoyed my self indulgent stories.
A Question of the Proper Good - one shot of what follows closely after the Promised Day.
"“So if I were to assume blackness was in your ranks,” the man started forwards, “I’d look at you?” He peered to look at the rank on her collar. “Captain?”"
A/N: Happy Freakin’ Holidays and a Happy New Year to my secret Santa , @kinschi! I nearly fainted when I was assigned this talented artist for @fmasecretsanta2018. I couldn’t wait to whip something up. “Angst, Royai, Homunculus AU”, you ask? I have delivered.
Apologies for being a few days late! Long story short, I haven’t had a laptop for a long while, so scrounging for a Bluetooth keyboard and writing on my phone for the last few weeks was certainly a first for me! Also, Tumblr doesn’t allow long text posts on mobile apparently? So I published it onto AO3! I’ll post it in text form when I get access to a laptop! PS, this was my first time ever writing an AU fic. I hope you love it! Have a fantastic year! (Also I went backpacking across Germany last year for 6 weeks and it’s my favorite place in the world).
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
A/N: Happy Holidays and Happy New Year, @hawkeyebabe! I’m your FMA Secret Santa! You asked for Royai and mentioned that you tend to gravitate toward angst, so I put together something with a few twists and turns that I hoped you would enjoy. I hope you have a wonderful start to your year! <3
There are few moments where Roy can recall life slowing to a horrendously sedate crawl. One where he remembers the broken news of his parents’ untimely passing, and another when he drags himself from his bed to face the reality of a world without Maes Hughes.
Both instances he could vaguely recollect the tightness that grew in his chest, and the acidic burn of bile as it rose in the back of his throat. The disfiguration of his vision, as though looking through a fractured lens, as he stumbled out of the rhythm of his heart’s heavy thrum in his ears. Each time the realization hit him with a force strong enough to bring him to his knees, threatening to snuff the light out of his existence. And each time, after taking months for the steady ache to ebb (though never completely subside), he silently wishes that he is never dealt another blow, because he knows the impact of it would be the final nail in his coffin.
He knew that the impact, if it were ever to happen in his lifetime, would be profound, but never could he have imagined it would be enough to stop his heart in an instant.
Me 6 weeks ago: “Hey guys! Can’t wait to post a chapter every week!”
Proceeds to move cross-country, plummet into a whirlpool of a quarter-life crisis (the third one in four years), and experience a bitch-slap from this whore called Life.
I’m sorry guys…I’ve been rather inactive. I even had all of this written long ago, I just didn’t have the energy to post it. I hope it’s mildly worth the wait – it’s extra long, at least <3
Chapter Two: A Fight Worth Losing
Previous Chapter
AO3
Though she expected a struggle, waking at 0400 to meet General Mustang at 0435 was rather easy. Unable to sleep well the night prior, a racing mind battling with an overactive dreamstate, she’d found herself entirely awake by 0335 and spent the freetime reading over hot tea, the mug allowing the drifting wafts of steam to warm her tired face.
She once fantasized that the dreams would lessen after giving back to Ishval, and after earning the people’s trust. The night terror that had accompanied her that first sleep however, the memories more vivid than they had ever been before, forcing her awake with such violence as she felt phantom blood coating her shaking hands and her turmoil so fresh it manifested itself in the form of a sheet of sweat — she realized that that had been a child’s wish.
Me 6 weeks ago: “Hey guys! Can’t wait to post a chapter every week!”
Proceeds to move cross-country, plummet into a whirlpool of a quarter-life crisis (the third one in four years), and experience a bitch-slap from this whore called Life.
I’m sorry guys...I’ve been rather inactive. I even had all of this written long ago, I just didn’t have the energy to post it. I hope it’s mildly worth the wait -- it’s extra long, at least <3
Chapter Two: A Fight Worth Losing
Previous Chapter
AO3
Though she expected a struggle, waking at 0400 to meet General Mustang at 0435 was rather easy. Unable to sleep well the night prior, a racing mind battling with an overactive dreamstate, she’d found herself entirely awake by 0335 and spent the freetime reading over hot tea, the mug allowing the drifting wafts of steam to warm her tired face.
She once fantasized that the dreams would lessen after giving back to Ishval, and after earning the people’s trust. The night terror that had accompanied her that first sleep however, the memories more vivid than they had ever been before, forcing her awake with such violence as she felt phantom blood coating her shaking hands and her turmoil so fresh it manifested itself in the form of a sheet of sweat --- she realized that that had been a child’s wish.
She kept her belongings -- just a few pairs of clothes and toiletries -- in a small briefcase and shut the door behind her, stepping out into the desert night. She, Falman, and Mustang were the only constant Amestrans in Ishval, and their quarters were practically across the dirt path from one another. Scar, who acted as the Ishvalan Grand Cleric, wished to live among his people in the neighborhoods. A few empty shacks which were used for visitors or temporarily stationed officers sat gathering dust. Since the Trials, the following peace demanded only the three of them and the empty shacks welcomed nobody.
To her surprise, and impressment, Mustang was stood as a dark shadow outside her door. She’d convinced herself that her fist would be knocking on his door, for since she had known the man, departing his bed before the sun rose was a task he never quite mastered.
“Hey,” he said with a tired smile. She noticed the buttons of his long-sleeved shirt were one off-center, leaving an inch of material hanging clumsily at the bottom.
“Hi, General.”
“Wow…” He blinked away the sleepiness in his eyes and leaned forward several inches.
She stared back at him.
“What is it?”
“Your hair!” he almost exclaimed, truly surprised. “It’s gotten so long.”
With eyebrows perched upwards, Riza lifted a hand. So exhausted from the lack of sleep, she’d entirely forgotten to do anything with it. Actually, she then realized, she hadn’t even bothered looking at it, and she suddenly felt somewhat self-conscious that it was standing on end or tangled into knots. She stopped herself from toying with it.
“It’s nice,” he said casually, easing her worries, as he motioned his head over his shoulder to suggest they begin walking.
“Thank you, sir. Actually, I’d just noticed its length the other day myself.”
“I don’t think I’ve seen it down for awhile. We’re always in uniform.”
Yes, they were. It seemed as though they lived in them, actually. Twelve hour workdays were common, and seeing one another outside of work hours was rare when work hours constituted an entire day.
Being in civilian clothes, as they were then, was a pleasant thing. Black slacks and a tan blouse, though simple, was the most comfortable thing she’d worn in what could have been a lifetime.
“Yours is getting a little long too, sir,” Riza teased dryly, her eyes roaming over his unkempt head. “You may want to consider a barber.”
“Don’t you think I should grow it out like yours?”
This earned him a genuine smile.
“I really do not, no.”
“Alright. Seeing as we’ll be in Central, I suppose it isn’t the worst idea. God knows there’s nowhere for me to get it done when we come back here.”
“I bet Kira would do it if you asked nicely.”
“Aroe’s five year old?”
“That’s right.”
“I hope you find yourself funny, Captain.”
Her teeth showed in a silent smile. He looked over at her, his eyes taking in the grin.
“Oh,” he pronounced. “Good. You do find yourself funny.”
“Only sometimes,” she assured him. A kinyee chattered in the distance, and its pack answered a moment later. “How do you think Vato will find having this place to himself?” she asked as their boots scraped across the road. Mustang chuckled.
“He’s never been given much opportunity to run anything himself. I think he’ll like it. Maybe it’ll get him to test for 1st lieutenant when January rolls around.”
“I doubt it,” said Riza fondly. “He’s never found much interest in rank. Just as long as he’s contributing, which he’s done enough of already, he’s satisfied. At least, that’s my theory. Power isn’t his supplier.”
“Well,” he looked down at her and gave her wink, which she ignored to notice how it seemed to warm her fingertips. “He is alone in that.”
They came upon the general’s car and drove to the station in the neighboring town of Khao. Ishval itself didn’t have a train depot, though that was another object of affection they’d been vying for.
“By the way, General,” Riza said, turning her head over her shoulder as she climbed up the steps onto the train. “You may want to re-button your shirt.”
His head jerked downwards, then returned to her with equal speed.
“How long has it been like that?” he yelled, though the cry was barely heard over the sound of the whistling engine.
“Well, probably since you put the shirt on, sir.”
“Damn you, Hawkeye. You could have told me in the car.”
“Honestly sir, I forgot. I figured now was a good time as any.”
“Oh, I’m sure.”
The journey from Khao to Central Station was one of five hours. After failing to hypothesize the reason for the council, Riza and her general soon fell into a mutual tired silence and Riza’s eyes became heavy. She fought it for some time, but the car was warm and General Mustang was quiet in thought as he stared out the window, the glass framed in condensation. The image was a peaceful one. For so long, she had been surrounded by tension in the form of every figure she passed, every step she took, every grain of sand that blasted into her cheeks. Every anxiety, every day. Sitting there silently as the train rolled through the countryside, the autumn air stopped by the glass and mirrored by warmness inside, Riza felt, not lightly to say, comfortable.
It didn’t take long for her to surrender into a relaxed sleep.
“Captain…” he said gently. It failed to wake her, and he found he truly did not wish to. He placed his palm on her shoulder. “Captain, we’re here.”
Finally, her eyes peeled open, and she seemed to register his presence. Awareness filled her features.
“Oh, sorry, General,” she said quietly as she sat herself up.
“You must have been pretty tired.”
“Weren’t you?” she asked as she stood and gathered her briefcase. She followed him out of the car.
“I was.”
“But you don’t regularly have the capacity to sleep on trains,” she said behind him.
It wasn’t a question or an accusation, but only a statement. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling to himself as he stepped off onto the platform, greeted by the natural sunlight streaming through the many open windows and the exposed roof of the station. Birds flew around overhead, transferring from one steel beam to the next.
“That’s right,” he answered, though she couldn’t hear him over the bustle of the crowds, people flowing off the trains and wading towards the exit like a herd.
Central Station was near to Central headquarters, and they found themselves inside the building with 25 minutes to spare to change into uniform and give a quick hello to Lieutenant Havoc.
“Well, come by afterwords and let’s grab lunch or something!” Havoc said as they turned to leave. Roy, without looking back, lifted a thumbs up into the air.
“Will do, Jean.”
The council was scheduled to begin in ten minutes in a conference area on the second floor. Neither of them felt privy to being late, so they agreed to arrive early and await the remaining seat holders. After all, they wished to make a positive impression. Should this pertain to Ishval, many Amestrians, molded by prejudice, needed a progressive nurture. Roy opened the door for them both and he followed Hawkeye into the room.
Eight men sat waiting, each looking up at the arriving officers in unison like their heads were connected by string. Confusion was quick to find he and Hawkeye both, though she did not display it like he surely did.
“Oh,” said Mustang quickly. “My apologies, sirs, we were told to arrive at 1100…”
“That’s correct, General Mustang,” said General Fillbin at the head of the table. “Don’t worry, you’re not late.”
A familiar face shined like a light, and Roy’s eyes landed on Fuhrer Grumman. The Fuhrer, to only deepen Roy’s state of confusion and rising suspicion, looked troubled.
“But,” continued Fillbin. “We’ll actually only be needing you for this council, General, so please take a seat.”
Fillbin looked at Hawkeye and gave her a smile that seemed almost patronizing, though innocent enough, and something not too foreign lit up in the center of Roy’s chest. Not being one to follow the orders of any man but one, Roy saw her turn her head to look at him, confused, but awaiting his word regardless. Roy did not meet her eye, and only stared at the three star general.
“My captain was summoned as I was, General Fillban.”
“I understand that, but she will not be needed for this discussion.”
Finally, Roy looked down at her. It seemed as though the decision was made; perhaps there had been a mistake or a change of plans, and there was no way to notify them on short notice. Perhaps it was something else. Accepting this, Roy nodded to her. Her boots clicked as she snapped to attention, offered a salute to the board, and turned on her heels to leave. The door shut behind her, and he moved to sit.
“How was the train ride, General Mustang?” asked another officer, a major general named Foy Bakers. This was a kind man, one of stature and smiles. Roy always liked him as a person, though his non-confrontational demeanor was not well suited for his position. Still, Roy felt more at ease as he lowered himself in the chair beside him.
“It was very smooth, thank you, General Bakers.”
Roy flicked his eyes to Grumman’s again, but they were on the officer who sat across from Roy. He dared a glance before giving his attention back to Fillban. It was a man he did not know.
“Mustang,” said Fillban. “I’ve called this council for a very, very important reason. We’re having some...obstacles, in Roxwell Post.”
“Roxwell Post? That small town in the West?”
“That’s right.”
“Alright...what kind of obstacles?”
“There is a pastoral nomadic group out there, wandering and herding cattle, hunting in the forests. Creating a lifestyle, a small community.”
“Yes?” he prodded, agitation beginning to creep into his knuckles.
“Well, there is something very disconcerting about them, and who they are.”
Something was perplexing about this council. Had they summoned him from his incredibly important post in Ishval for this? For a group of wanderers?
“Yes, General Fillban?” he pressed. Could this conglomerate collection of decorated generals not handle this without him? Anger began to simmer, and he suppressed his still fresh agitation at the dismissal of his adjutant so as to remain
Fillban, unaware of his fumings, continued.
“We’ve received intel that a group of Drachma spies have infiltrated this group, and are possibly grooming them for an attack on West City.”
Roy’s spiting monologue halted, and his mouth parted as he prepared, and failed, to say something. He leaned back in his chair and blinked away the surprise.
“Uh...okay.” He glanced around at the faces sat round the table. “Does everyone know of this? Am I alone in just learning this information?”
“General Mustang,” Fillban said soothingly, an attempt to calm Roy before answering. “This wasn’t of your concern until we learned of new details only two days ago. And unfortunately...this is of your concern now.”
“Well,” Roy laughed without a trace of humor, “dammit, Fillban, fill me in here because I am quite obviously missing some key point, as a couple of gullible shepherds is hardly my goddamn specific concern considering I have other very important things going on right now. Don’t you have some other general putzing around here that needs something to do? Because I assure you, that man is not me.”
Roy was leaned entirely forward, his elbows square against the wooden table as he locked eyes with the general at the head of it. The absence of his captain was a blessing, suddenly, for if she heard him speak to a superior officer in such a manner she would have berated him for hours.
“Roy,” pushed Fillban sympathetically, matching his lean forward with a slow shake of his head. “The pastoral nomads are Ishvalan.”
Quite suddenly, Roy forgot anything he’d been thinking. Hot breath stuck in his throat like a rock, his annoyance blown out like a candle.
Ishvalan? That simple detail suddenly changed everything, and his place in the meeting became entirely apparent.
“We’re not completely certain why there’s a small community of Ishvalans all the way out in the West,” continued Fillban. “But we believe it’s possible they were refugees who escaped during the war, traveled as far as they could, and found a way of life in the pastures. The Drachma…”
Fillban sighed deeply and put his hand up to his forehead, his eyes glancing down at the wood.
“It’s only intel, but it is trustworthy. Their intentions, their methods, their entire mission is a mystery to us. However…” The look he gave Roy was a serious one, and Roy finally saw a general who seemed almost as exhausted as he was himself. “These Ishvalans, living in seclusion, avoiding the public eye, may not be aware of a great deal of things, including the Promised Day or the current efforts to rebuild their land. And the Drachma clearly have no allies within our border. Befriending these people for the purpose of a mutual attack is not something I would disconsider.”
Roy’s mouth was fully open, his chest still and his body even moreso. Images spat at him like a loaded slingshot, pictures of what he one day prayed to see: Ishvalans having families, growing their population, temples being erected in every major city so the people were free to express their faith in any place of the country, watching dark skinned people with red eyes shopping in markets and smiling with their children, letting them pick out candies or fruits and shaking the hands of the Amestrian vendors...he prayed for a time when one day, Ishvalans not only trusted the rest of Amestris, but the rest of Amestris disposed of their prejudice and trusted Ishvalans.
The words that had come from General Fillban’s mouth put all of those hopes into jeopardy.
He thought of how this news would so greatly disappoint his captain.
“Before you fret too much, General, we have begun preparing a team to deploy and intercept the Ishvalan nomads, in hopes of severing their ties and arresting the spies.”
Roy cleared his throat and gathered himself.
“Good. I’m certain if I spoke with the diplomats in Ishval, one of them would be happy to accompany. Having one of their own support our claims would prove monumental.”
“We’ve already employed an Ishvalan Shi’eq, actually. His name is Imam Klayton.” Fillban took a moment before adding, “But I’m glad you mutually understand why he is on this very important team.”
“Of course I would,” Roy countered, his head tilting. The comment seemed out of place. “Why wouldn’t I? In fact, a Shi’eq is the best possible person to send. A religious leader is more prone to trust and immune to lies, in the eyes of the Ishvalans. With luck, they will believe him. Who else is apart of this team? I intend on speaking with them before they leave, and I’d like their names and serial numbers.” This, he realized, was of absolute, paramount importance. He and Hawkeye would spend the night researching these people, reading any transgressions, studying references, and preparing lectures on what and what not to say to the Ishvalan nomads once they made contact.
“Of course,” indulged Fillban. “Leading the squad will be,” he motioned to the man sitting across Roy, “First General Joshuayne Boswick.”
Without moving his head, Roy glanced over at the man and gave him a nod.
“As I previously mentioned, Shi’eq Imam Klayton, a first lieutenant named Chile Spellman, a major named Borin Temstral, and,” he seemed to take the smallest precautionary sigh, “Captain Riza Hawkeye.”
A beat passed, then Roy’s head jerked backwards as if he were physically struck.
“Excuse me?”
“I understand her adjuncy is of importance to you, but her skills are well suited for---”
“No, absolutely not. I’m sorry gentlemen,” he lifted a hand to the man across from him, “General Boswick, but she is not available for commission. She stays in Ishval with me.”
“General,” reasoned Fillban. “It’s been decided by the council. All of these people were specifically chosen for this mission.”
“I do not give a damn, find another marksman.”
This caused the eyebrows of Fillban to shoot up to his hairline.
“If I may say, General Mustang…” said a new voice. Roy slowly turned his head to look at the unknown man, Boswick, across from him.
“Your captain can be a turning point for this mission. Although true her skills as a marksman and soldier may prove invaluable should we cross paths with the Drachma, it’s her relationship with Ishval that’s really selling. Her, in combination with the Shi’eq, could sway these people in a matter of minutes.”
Logically, Roy could not contest this.
However, it wasn’t logic that was making his stomach churn. He could not quite place what was; perhaps it was his anger, unbidden, and unmistakable.
“I’m sorry…” Roy pronounced without a hint of apology, his voice a staccato. “Was it decided, without my input, that a critical component of my Ishvalan efforts would be stripped of me? Is that what I am gathering? That you decided to put Riza Hawkeye on your list without even consulting me? Her direct superior?”
“We only just learned that these nomads were Ishvalan the other day, General,” cautioned Fillban, his hand moving as he spoke. The lines on his face were deep. “We only just contacted Imam last night.”
“You reassigned her without telling me, General Fillban, and that is a direct violation of our chain of command.”
“Actually,” started Boswick. Something about the man made Roy clench his jaw repeatedly, and he chomped down on his teeth as he looked back at him once more. “In times of crises, should the decision be time sensitive and/or critical to human life, chain of command may be overruled when agreed upon by a council.”
Boswick looked at the other men, at Fillban, Bakers, and the ever silent fuhrer, before returning his gaze to Roy.
“And this council agreed on the reassignment.”
“I understand your resistance, General Mustang,” Fillban interjected carefully. “But know that the decision did not come lightly. And what’s done is done.”
Roy pulled his lips into a tight line, his chest threatening to implode.
“And when does this squadron deploy?”
“Before the sun sets tonight.”
The churning inside his stomach was nearing a whirlpool of madness, and it took every ounce of restraint not to scoff in the faces of these very high ranked men.
“The summon you sent me said to pack for several days?”
“That was for your captain. Although, her absence will surely be longer than that allotted time. I’m sorry, we couldn’t elaborate in writing.”
“Fantastic.”
“She’s to report to the armory by seven.”
To this, Roy said nothing.
“I expect you will wish to debrief her?”
He suffocated his rage in order to answer flatly,
“I do.”
Fillban offered him a weak smile, then glanced around the table.
“Well, gentlemen. This meeting is adjourned.”
Chairs scraped as they were pushed outwards, and several pairs of boots thumped against the wooden flooring. Baker’s sympathetic hand squeezed Roy’s shoulder before he, too, vacated the area. Soon the room was empty, save for he and the highest ranking official in the country, both sitting in a mutual silence, both knowing the following conversation that was about to take place.
“You let this happen?” asked Roy finally, his arms crossed tightly against his chest as he found the nerve to finally look at Grumman. “You allowed this to happen?”
“Roy,” began Grumman lowly. “I know you are distressed. But you cannot refute the reasoning.”
“I have a phone, dammit,” Roy spat back at him. “There’s a working telephone in my hut of an office. Did no one have the sense to call me?”
“My boy, you ought to know better than anyone that telephone lines cannot be trusted. What if the militants knew we were coming?”
“I can’t believe this decision was made like this,” Roy fumed, not bothering to answer. “Beneath a layer of dirt and over my head. ”
“You speak with your heart, and not your brain, Roy. There’s no crookedness going on here, there’s no corruption to be overthrown. This is an unfortunate, but necessary, thing to be done.”
Roy’s lip twitched as he inhaled sharply.
“It hasn’t even been a year,” his fist slammed onto the table, “Grumman. Not even one single damned year, and the trials just finished three weeks ago! She deserves a break, not some shitshow that could put her right back in danger!”
“Do you think I don’t know that?” Grumman whispered back harshly. “I am fully aware that both you and your captain have put your necks out far too many times, but this is, by every definition, a crisis. Imagine what would happen if the Drachma got into those Ishvalan heads. If the people in the West saw Ishvalans raging in with torches and bombs, right alongside the country’s oldest enemy, killing people in revenge of a war we’ve been trying to repent for...everything you and your captain have done in Ishval would be in ruins.” His voice suddenly became remarkably calm. “It would be for nothing.”
“She isn’t just my captain, Fuhrer Grumman,” he snapped back, not bothering to let his voice quiet. “She’s your granddaughter.”
Grumman stood and shook his head woefully, tucking in his chair and pulling his hands behind his back.
“I was never in her life. I don’t have the privilege of calling her that. She is a skilled soldier, and has a well earned place on this squadron.” Finishing himself of the conversation, he walked around the edge of the table to leave. “I have learned to relinquish my love, though it will always be there, for the betterment of my country. It is time you do the same.”
Taken aback, Roy said nothing as Grumman walked past him and out the door, leaving him alone to listen to the sound of the distant birds outside the french-lined windows.
He whispered a curse to himself as he sat there, hands folded together and eyes lasering into the wood. Finally, he stood and opened the door himself, stepping out to see his captain standing dutifully beside it
On her face, though, was worry.
“Is everything alright, Col--uh, General?”
She hadn’t made that slip in some time. Though, he thought, she probably had taken count of the faces in the room when she was inside before, and had probably taken count of their exit, except for his. It was apparent that she knew something was peculiar, and, he thought with a drop of his heart, his old rank was said many times in many terrible situations. It was only natural to utter it now.
“Walk with me, Hawkeye.”
Mustang longed for his old office, where he could lead them inside, shut the door, and speak with her openly. Where he could be familiar with her in a familiar space.
Though, their old office was occupied by someone else now, the desks filled by strangers and the carpet gaited by no one of his team. They had been there for years, he and his men. And it almost saddened him to know they would never go back.
It was by good fortune that Jean Havoc knew of a colonel who’d left for the week, off on holiday with his wife. It was in that office that Roy told Hawkeye of the council’s content.
Silence passed between them when the words left his lips, though not a silence in shock or uncomfortableness or anything unsavory. She was thinking, absorbing the information presented to her.
“Well,” she finally said slowly. “I’ll be sure to get those Ishvalans back to their people, sir. As soon as I can.”
To this, Roy sighed deeply and hung his head. This was typical of her, to never compromise the soldier she’d been committed to being.
“General,” she implored. He lifted his head to watch her eyes search his. “It will be alright. We both know Imam, he’s a good man and very personable. If he’s with us, I have no concern about turning the nomads away from the Drachma.”
“Hawkeye,” he said with exasperation. “I---” He stopped, unable to finish.
She stared at him attentively, leaning forward in her chair with all symptoms of her earlier tiredness entirely gone. It was quite obvious his stress was not translating for her. He swallowed and shook his head, letting air push out from his nose as witness to his still seething thoughts.
“How am I supposed to run Ishval without you?” he asked, a change of direction.
“Like any day, General. Falman is there right now without both of us, I think you can manage.”
“You’re an equal part of this campaign. Your deficit will be a tremendous loss.”
She tilted her head and gave him a knowing smirk.
“You’re being a little dramatic, General. You and Vato are more than capable without me breathing down your necks. Maybe you’ll even like the break.”
A hand lifted to his face, a thumb pushing into his lip, as his eyes turned away in a shake of his head. Her prediction was entirely untrue, the coiling of his insides testimony to that. The rolling uncertainty was speaking to him in a different tongue, ailing him for reasons he couldn’t be sure of -- until the ailing gave him sense of only one thing. A childish thing. There was a soft thud as his hand dropped back onto the desk and he looked at her with intensity.
“I don’t want you to go,” he admitted harshly.
The silence that followed was a little different than the one before, and he was sure the acuteness in her eyes was in response to his own.
Something about her demeanor changed. Her shoulders loosened so they sat heavy, like weights on her body. A melancholy teased the dull crows feet at her eyes. The person who sat across from him was no longer his adjutant, but his friend that he’d known for so very long.
“Well I don’t particularly want to go,” she admitted herself. “But knowing what we know now, that those people whom we have vowed to protect need our help and guidance...there’s no way I can’t go. Even if I had the option not to, I would still go. It’s because of us that they were displaced from their homes in the first place.”
The tempest at the walls of his stomach stilled, and was replaced instead with a drifting kind of acceptance. She was right, and a swirl of pride blended jaggedly with the negativity.
“Well who the hell is supposed to watch my back?” he asked. Who the hell is going to watch yours? he wanted to say.
She lifted a shoulder in a sort of shrug.
“Jean seems a little bored over here.”
Roy smiled for a brief moment before it fell.
The truth was undeniable; he couldn’t bear to be separated from her. Having her in a different part of the country would be to rip him in half with a pair of scorching tongs. For witnessing her near death had been his purest torture, and it had nearly destroyed him, and since then...well, he thought, he hadn’t quite recognized it until now, but he wanted her within his sight every moment of every day. It was a sick thing, and selfish. Beyond inappropriate within light to their professional dynamic. And, he reminded himself, the woman didn’t need him to stay safe. After all, he couldn’t keep her safe that day.
Yet still, letting her go made him nauseous.
His heart nearly broke the walls of his chest as it thudded at the sudden contact of her hand over his. His fears quelled as he looked at her with alarm. The gesture was almost intimate, and entirely uncommon for her. Her skin on his was almost painful in the way that it ached.
“When I come back,” she started softly. “You had better be in one piece.”
His thumb twitched, asking him permission to brush over her hand.
“The same goes for you,” he said instead, quieting the want in his fingers. She raised an eyebrow slightly, slipping her hand off his as she leaned back in her chair.
“When I come back, I had better be in one piece? Wouldn’t me coming back default to being in one piece?” she clarified with a tease. His gentle smile returned, his eyes softening, as the storm inside finally passed.
“Just come back.”
The rest of the day had been spent discussing tactics with one another, with the occasional pipe-in from Jean. With no thanks to the board and their lack of communication, they had little evidence to send with Hawkeye to show to the nomads. The necklace one of the midwives had crafted for Riza, a hand-woven line with a solar pendant at the crest, was all she had, tucked comfortably beneath her shirt.
Hours passed before Jean stood from his chair, stretched, and announced he had to leave to meet a girl for a date. With prodding, he only mentioned it was another officer and that she was entirely out of his league. Isn’t every woman out of your league? Roy had asked. Jean answered with a smack to the back of his head.
“Stay safe,” Jean said to Hawkeye as he pulled her in for a hug. “Good luck out there. We’ll see you soon.”
“Of course,” she smiled back at him. He waved goodbye.
Soon the sky turned violet, the sun pulling downwards to sleep. Roy glanced at his pocket watch; quarter til seven.
The walk to the armory was quiet.
“General, the train ride is long,” she had said after Jean had left. “You don’t need to stay.”
“I know that.”
Quicker than what seemed normal, the day was nearly dark by the time they arrived. The before colors of the sunfall had flitted away into twilight. It was chillier in Central, despite it being early August. Summer was fading; autumn teased the land like a ghost. Men were passing boxes to each other and piling them into a large covered cargo vehicle, the tarp a washed out green and the tires taller than a child. Roy spotted Boswick speaking with another man near the passenger door, and he eyed him warily before stopping his captain with a touch to her shoulder.
“I don’t know who any of these men are besides Imam,” he said when she turned towards him, “but remember that you’ve got authority here.”
She gave him a look.
“Oh?” she asked doubtfully.
“Yes,” he replied sharply, an attempt to convince her. “They’ve probably never even stepped foot in that desert. You know who the Ishvalans are, you know their plight. I know I don’t need to tell you not to let these guys walk all over you, because God knows that won’t be an issue.” She smiled. “But just remember that if you’re ever in doubt, listen to your gut. Not them.”
“Boswick is a major general, sir. And his number two is a major.”
“Doesn’t matter. Your gut is fuhrer on that truck.”
Her smile turned to a quiet laugh, and the corners of his own mouth pursed at the sound. He found that he coveted hearing it one more time.
“Captain Hawkeye,” called Boswick, seeming to finally see her. “You ready to roll out?”
She turned towards him and snapped to attention, her hand whipping up to her right eyebrow in salute.
“Yes, sir.”
“Good. Let’s get going.”
Boswick lifted himself into the cab of the vehicle as the other three men put the last of the boxes into the bed. The two soldiers helped Imam up onto the ledge, and the Ishvalan man parted the tarp to enter the back. Hawkeye’s hand dropped as she turned to face Roy.
“I’ll see you soon, General Mustang,” she said with a thin smile, gripping her briefcase tighter as she turned on her foot and set off towards the truck.
Without thinking, in no way planning was he was about to do, Roy grabbed her wrist and stopped her, allowing the spark between them to shock them both. She halted immediately and glanced back at him with wide eyes and an open mouth, her bangs fluttering about from the sharp turn of her head.
He quickly reached into his pocket with his free hand, wrapped his fingers around what was inside, and deposited the contents from his hand to hers. The hold he had on her wrist slipped downwards to her fingers so the materials were thick between their palms. He gave her hand a strong, formal shake.
“Come back,” he ordered sternly, quiet so only she could hear. Feeling the flex of her muscles, he knew she had a grip on what he’d given her and he slipped his hand out from its hold. She lifted her wrist, the darkening skies giving her little light to see, and unraveled her fingers to display what was in her palm.
Roy deliberately took several steps back so she couldn’t return them. By the time she finished digesting the gesture, her face was lined with something he couldn’t quite read. Perhaps it was his distance from her, or how the setting sun had bathed the land in a deep blue, but the look he could make out on her face made his throat grow tight.
He looked at her fiercely, any emotion buried under a layer of severity. To a stranger, he may have even appeared angry.
“Hawkeye, let’s go!” yelled a voice somewhere behind her. This seemed to pull her from her statuesque state, her face faltering at the shout, though she still hadn’t blinked away from her locked gaze with Roy. He swallowed and tilted his chin downwards.
Come back.
He watched the shadows of her face adjust as her nostrils flared and her mouth closed, and she gave him a single nod as she pocketed what he had given her. Then she turned on her heels, walked several steps to the truck, grabbed onto the handlebar to the right, and hoisted herself inside so she disappeared beyond the tarp.
Hey guys! My anxiety has been absolutely out of control lately so I’m just taking a short break (as you may or may not have noticed). I still scroll once in awhile, I’ll be posting soon. Love y’all, love this fandom, love Riza Hawkeye’s guns. Peace.
I’m gonna post another chapter of Petrol Soaked Papers soon! I haven’t been able to touch anything because of schoolwork, work work, and chronic migraines. Keep an eye out!
