Dear Hawkguy

Hey, guy with the bow and arrows here ready to dispense life advice. Kate tells me I need to get my own life together first. But nah, sounds boring, so here goes nothing! (Feel free to send me asks!)

[hawkguyadvises]

When your weapon of choice makes you a natural at social distancing 😎

[hawkguyadvises]

Never do spring cleaning. I tried today and nearly took my head off with the boomerang arrow.

[hawkguyadvises]

Don’t challenge Black Widow to a drinking contest. Not only will you wake up with the mother of all hangovers, like a mini Thor and Hulk are going at it in your head, but you’ll find yourself being blackmailed by Nat with all the shit you did while drunk.

[hawkguyadvises]

Tony, Green Arrow isn't real, okay? So stop trying to make me a boxing glove arrow. The aerodynamics don't make sense

[hawkguyadvises]

Assassins are the best friends. They kill people for you.

[hawkguyadvises]

You want cool tech no one else has? Tell Tony Stark you don’t think he can make what you want. He’ll make it or die trying.

[hawkguyadvises]

You want to know how to defeat the Hulk? Be a non-powered dude and challenge him to a fight. He’ll laugh himself silly and turn back into Bruce Banner.

[hawkguyadvises]

If your claim to fame as a superhero is a weapon rather than a really flashy superpower or costume, you better carry it with you everywhere. On a completely unrelated note, the next time someone calls me Iron Fist, I’m shooting them in the face with an arrow.

[hawkguyadvises]

If you’re an unpowered superhero, pick a weapon that lets you mimic all the other powers. Hacker arrow = Tony Stark. Shock arrow = Thor. Boomerang arrow = Captain America. Sadly there’s no arrow that mimics Black Widow.

[hawkguyadvises]

If you’re a costumed superhero, you can’t have identity crises. Look at what happened to me. I ditched the bow and arrow to become a samurai and what do I find when I come back? Another Hawkeye. Yeah, confusing, right? How do you think I feel?

[hawkguyadvises]

If you want people to leave you alone, channel your inner Black Widow

[milesyart]

[anarchycox]

madxstitcher:

And this was the one that broke me.  The background being about ten different shades of grey was infuriating.  Also, I somehow finished this in just a month.  I’m pretty sure I got about four hours of sleep the entire time.

[hawkguyadvises]

YOU KNOW YOU’RE FAMOUS WHEN PEOPLE DO A NEEDLEPOINT NUDE OF YOU

[hawkguyadvises]

Become friends with the resident science geniuses. They'll let you blow shit up.

[hawkguyadvises]

I wish I had dating advice for you, but honestly, I have no idea how I keep ending up with women way hotter and smarter than me. See: Black Widow, Mockingbird, Spider Woman.

As the fake French say, I must have a certain je ne sais quoi.

[hawkguyadvises]

Don't challenge the Winter Soldier to a shooting contest. Bucky and I have been on the shooting range for 48 hours straight and there's still no clear winner.

[hawkguyadvises]

If your coworker leaves his outfit lying around, it’s not your fault if you take it, put it on, and pretend to be him for the day. Sorry not sorry, Steve. BTW, I wear it better.

[hawkguyadvises]

Make sure no one steals your “thing”. See, Steve brought this Sam guy back after one of his solo adventures and now there’s one bird too many in the nest. I’m better bird bro. Caw caw motherfucker. FYI Lucky is way cooler than Redwing.