Little Ole Me

25 y/o she/her putting off some serious Buttercup vibes.

[ostolero]

[manincaffeine]

The romanticism of undressing someone and seeing their curves and edges and birthmarks and scars and moles and freckles and kissing every single one of them like you’re thanking their body for existing, for choosing to be seen by you.

[yoursstrulyy99]

This type of guy>>>

[azatas]

my dad's wildlife photography would do numbers on here

[azatas]

ok permission granted everyone look at this fat sandpiper

[important-animal-images]

[suchcrispwhimsy]

i'll handle this

[allthelonelyplaces]

I know we don’t get happily ever afters in real life. I’m a hopeless romantic, not a total fucking idiot. As my friend, Russell, said to me once, “Even with the happiest couples, one of you dies first.” But first there is such unalloyed joy. We went to the supermarket yesterday and we were wandering around and, at one point, he took my hand, because that’s the kind of thing he does. And instantly, I got flustered. Residual anxiety. Remembrance of past battery. Enduring scars. Even though I know I’m hardly likely to get my head kicked in by the salad bar, PDAs can still make me nervous. And then he said, gentle as anything, and I’m not going to do the accent… “If there’s a gay kid in here with his folks, frightened that he’s a freak, don’t you think that it might give him hope, seeing two guys wandering around, being themselves, getting their groceries, like everyone else?” If happiness is a place… it’s the biscuit aisle in Sainsbury’s. And anywhere else I am with him.

[memeuplift]

[algorithmsoflatecapitalism]

[lkxwv-deactivated20221011]

Howdy!

[feazelblahg]

I’ve never seen a shit-eating grin performed by anything without a mouth before

[catasters]

[zoi-no-miko]

THE VOID LICKY LICKY

[naamahdarling]

[a-lc01]

♥️.

[ms-demeanor]

That poor pest control guy did not know what he was getting into, but given the state of my yard i feel like he should have known what he was getting into.

[ms-demeanor]

He was going door to door offering to spray the base of the house for pests for a discount rate because one of our neighbors signed up for pest control and he walked down my driveway (covered in spiderwebs), up onto my front porch (covered in spiderwebs), and knocked on my door (covered in spiderwebs) and said "hi, I'm John from the bug company, would you be interested in a discount service because it seems like you may have a spider problem."

And I said, "oh, no, I'm sorry, I won't be spraying for spiders, I like them. I want to encourage them."

And he gave me kind of a weird look and was like "why?" And I was honest and said that they were my pest control, they take care of my mosquitoes and and and flies, and then I kind of laughed and said that I should stop because I know way too much about spiders and if he let me go I'd talk his ear off.

And then he made his fatal mistake and asked what I knew about spiders, and if I knew what kinds of webs he'd walked past to get on the porch and what spiders were in my yard.

So then he got to hear my thoughts on brown vs black widows and why I wished there were as many black widows as there used to be but I had a big beautiful one under my patio table right now and even if I prefer black widows because they aren't invasive the same way that brown widows are i still like the brown widows and i had a lovely one who lived in my patio chair from August until the firestorm in January and she was so good and kept eating cockroaches and had made five big egg sacks and how I was so proud of her and I used to have a lot more orb weavers but their numbers never recovered after the tropical storm last year but I had a cute one on the shed that I took a picture of yesterday and of course there are tons of wolf spiders and jumping spiders and cellar spiders if you wanted to count them too and some false widows but I hadn't seen any of them this year and, well, yeah, anyway they're not actually dangerous mostly and widows want nothing to do with you but a bite wasn't pleasant but much better than a recluse bite but I almost never see recluses around here but i wouldn't, would I, because they're not called brown gregarious spiders, oh and there are black footed yellow sack spiders around and you don't want those to bite you but their little toes are so cute and I'm sorry, sorry, sorry like I said I can go off about spiders, but also I don't want to spray because I've got so many pollinators, I've got a whole wisteria vine full of carpenter bees, actually i saw a male valley carpenter bee last week, did you know they're golden and fuzzy? He was so cool! But, yes, sorry, I won't be spraying but thank you for asking, and I'm sorry I was the crazy spider lady at you!

[ms-demeanor]

Extremely adorable fuzzy little creature:

A large friend:

Look, this is basically a kitten:

A goth icon.

Strong, independent women that I don't want to fuck with.

They are delightful and they eat actual pests, I love them.

[gallusrostromegalus]

I had almost this exact conversation with the door-to-door pest control guy last summer, but about the wasps. He was outright confused when I told him that not only was he not welcome in my yard, I'd just put out some fried chicken crumbs for my paper wasps to make sure they built their hives on my property because nothing in his truck made better crop pest control than a hungry nest of Red Paper Wasps, except maybe Ichneumons but have to get rid of the lawn before those will move in-

"Red Paper wasps? Those are very dangerous! They're very aggressive!" he sputters.

"Really? They seem to be quite placid." I indicated the Fine-backed Red Paper Wasp nest about 16 inches above his head under the eaves.

He stared.

I picked up a crumb of KFC from the porch shelf with my finger and held it up. One of the ladies investigated, then landed and sat on my finger and munched happily for a few seconds before returning to the nest.

"Would you like to see the common paper wasps? They've got a great nest going on the side of the garage."

"I'm. I'm good." He said, and left.

[palossssssand]

comic done for a project assignment a few years back!

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

just gonna say it, squidward was right about everything

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

look spongebob is a terrible neighbor and an exhausting person. no one should have to suffer patrick star's lifelong dedication to ignorance & imperviousness to logic. put them in the same room and that's an automatic noise ordinance infraction (plus inevitably public property damage). they are lowkey domestic terrorists. squidward is a grump and a snob but at the end of the day he's a burntnout service worker with a shitty boss who just wants some peace and quiet during his downtime. he asks for so little honestly. all the other characters should be in jail

[ahotknife]

this too shall pass but like… when

[importantcatimages]

[ruhlare]

the intimacy of sharing old memories with someone new. check out the places i visited before i met you. i wish you were with me. maybe we can visit them together and create new memories? look at the pictures of the sky i took before we met. now you share the same view with my past self. look at the photos of my childhood and let me look at yours. have your facial features changed? your smile stayed the same, and i love it. look at my right cheek, i have the same birthmark as my grandmother. this is the child in me that you are healing with your affection. i am glad we met. all these years i was without you but now you know about all those years and even help me to grow. your love took roots in my past pain, and reaches out to my future happiness. please don't stop smiling.

[escuerzoresucitado]

[perhapsarat]

there will never be another headline that comes close to comparing with this

[elodieunderglass]

Hat tip @eldriwolf I love keeping this one in circulation

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

I am. Very literally sitting here during my mid-lecture break, waiting for my students to come back from getting a coffee, and this is what I just taught them before I called said break. I am covering same-sex sexual behaviour and I finished on Thomas as an example. My Dash Did The Thing except with real life. What the fuck.