Iker settled into his recliner chair on the balcony and let out a tired sigh. He slowly wiped away the tear stains from his cheeks. Xabi. Xabi Alonso. As always making his heart ache. Although this time it is not his fault. Death is inevitable Iker knows that. But he always thought that he will be the first one to go even though Xabi is only six months younger than him. Xabi had a good life. A happy and successful one, died at the age of seventy six. He was hailed as one of the best midfielders of his generation, had an enviable trophy collection, left the game before it left him and after his retirement he went on to become one of the best managers in football history. His personal life was too a glorious one. A beautiful wife three children. A happy family and some really good friends. Iker was also on that list once upon a time. A close friend. And a lover. Oh how times have changed.
It was November 2002. A new player had joined the Spain national team from u-21 team. A good looking one. Iker couldn't stop blushing whenever their eyes met and the boy couldn't stop smirking at his coloured face. When the boy introduced himself to the team at the locker room Iker instantly decided that he wants to be friends with the Xabi Alonso with sun kissed skin. Maybe he can bestow some kisses on that skin too. Iker appointed himself as the guide for Alonso and walked him through the campus and filled him in on all the details he deemed necessary to be a part of the team. He liked showing off his two year seniority to the newbie. He really wanted to impress Xabi. And funnily enough his efforts hadn't gone unnoticed by his teammates. By the end of the session Raul, Xavi and Puyol were teasing him about his newfound crush and to his utter horror Xabi overheard them. Then much to Iker's joy Xabi started blushing and walked away to the showers leaving him with their teasing teammates. They exchanged numbers the next day. By the end of the week they become friends. On the last day of the training week the team went out for drinks. That was the day Iker learned how much Xabi liked drinking. When the team left the bar Xabi was pretty drunk and Iker was tipsy. Iker still doesn't know who initiated their first kiss. He only have vague images in his mind now. The night sky, cold breeze ,the illuminated shops nearby and Xabi's intoxicating scent mixed with the drinks. All he can remember was them kissing frantically infront of the bar and their teammates interrupting them making some excuses that someone will see them. The two were separated and were led to the hotel. The next day they said their goodbyes and went back to their clubs.
On Christmas Xabi send Iker a text message wishing merry Christmas and Iker quickly replied. On the Newyear's Iker called Xabi on a whim before midnight. And that was their first Newyear together. After that phone calls and text messages become a regular thing. They flirted, shared secrets and their dreams. Every time Xabi messaged or called Iker felt a fluttering feeling in his chest and he wished Xabi felt the same. Then April came and Iker couldn't contain his excitement. On the second week of April real madrid had a match with real sociedad and on the last day of april spain had a friendly with Ecuador. That meant a lot of xabi alonso. On the day of match against sociedad iker was bursting with anticipation and it earned him funny looks from his teammates and a knowing smirk from raul. They went on to the pitch and he and xabi shooks hand as non chalantly as possible. The game started and sociedad had outplayed them. Iker who was determined to impress xabi wad humiliated when the opponents scored four goals against him. And he didn't know if he should be angry or amused when one of them was scored by xabi himself. Xabi played amazingly and iker felt a little bit proud. After the game xabi took iker out for dinner and after it iker invited xabi over to his room. With the help of raul he smuggled xabi into his room without anyone noticing. The moment the door closed behind them xabi had iker pinned against the door and started kissing him passionately and he reciprocated kindly. Soon they were undressing each other and stumbled into the bed. The first round ended too quickly, both were impatient for release from pining after each other for months and the touch of others fist was enough to send them over the edge. After that they took their time mapping each others body with hands and mouth and fucking each other into the mattress. They stayed all night up talking and kissing and to till this day it is one of the happiest nights in iker's life. If he try hard enough he can still remember every bit of it as it has happened yesterday.
After that night they become incredibly close and iker realised he was falling in love. International break came and the two were allotted in the same room. They fucked like rabbits and never ran out of topics to talk. But they took great care in showing no signs of affection when they were in public. All of their shenanigans were limited to the privacy of their room. When the game was over and xabi went back iker's heart was full of love. It was xabi who professed his love first. On iker's 22nd birthday xabi visited him in madrid. Iker was slightly nodding off when xabi said that he was in love with iker, sleep long gone iker couldn't stop the happy tears. Iker told xabi he felt the same and the smile that formed on xabi's face at that moment is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen in his entire life.
At the next national training session raul, puyol and xavi found out about their love affair. After that raul invited iker, xabi, xavi and puyol to his place. And the three of them asked about their relationship, plans and how serious are they about each other. Him and xabi confessed their undying love for each other to them. Now that he thinks about it he can't help but laugh at their innocence. Undying love. Oh how young were them, how foolish thinking their love could conquer everything, that it could withstand the obstacles of time. Raul, bless his heart patiently explained to them that they will have to choose either their career or their relationship cause world was a cruel place and how homosexual players could never make it big once they publicly acknowledge their sexuality. Then him and xabi made the most stupid plan to ever exist. That they will keep their relationship a secret and will go public when both of them retires. It all seemed so easy and simple at that time. Needless to say raul wasn't impressed neither was puyol. Xavi seemed to be more on agreement with iker and xabi.
A year soon went by and their love thrived eventhough there were occasional stumbles. Being in two cities was difficult. The first serious strain on their relationship was Nagore. Xabi's childhood sweetheart. It turned out that he still had feelings for her. After much discussions and screaming matches they decided that theirs will be an open relationship. But with conditions applied. Both of them will not see any other men. In case of Xabi he can pursue Nagore and Iker can sleep with or see any women he fancies. Then came the transfer window were Xabi chose Liverpool over real Madrid. Xabi chose Liverpool over him. He was devastated by Xabi's betrayal. Then came steven Gerrard. Oh how he hated that guy. He knew they were only friends but it didn't stop him from spending moments imagining him beating the shit out of Gerrard. Xabi won UCL with Liverpool in his first season. He even scored the equalising goal which turned him into a Liverpool hero. Then came the moment that broke Iker's heart forever. During their celebration Xabi and Gerrard kissed infront of everyone. When him and Xabi wouldn't even let each other's gaze linger on the other when in public, Xabi was kissing a man for everyone to see. After that he refused to attend Xabi's calls even when Xabi called Raul and asked for him he refused to speak. It was one of his biggest mistake cause it pushed Xabi closer to Nagore who had no problems with the kiss. That was when he found Sergio to whom he shared all his sorrows. He refused to trouble Raul with his problems who already warned him in the beginning.
Then the next international break came. Xabi begged for a chance to explain himself and with Sergio's pressure he agreed to it. And soon everything was back to normal and they were that lovey dovey couple again. And he was himself again. Next two years went by in bliss. He dated some women on the side but nothing felt right but with Xabi far away he needed ways for his sexual pleasures. Then Xabi got Nagore pregnant. He didn't know how to feel about it nor figure out how does the baby fit into their future plans. Then Jon was born he felt so happy for Xabi and Nagore and also for himself. Xabi had sent him the picture of the newborn saying 'our son is here'. Then Sara came into his life and suddenly everything changed. For once it was Xabi's turn to get jealous. Oh and they also won the euro cup. It was a roller coster of a year. Next year Xabi got married to Nagore and he felt something die inside him. He knew whatever happens they were still on board with their plan. It was also the year Xabi got transfered to real Madrid.
Xabi never wore his wedding ring in Iker's presence. In Madrid him, Xabi , Sergio and Arbeloa formed a clique. And the next three years was the best times of his life. They were always together, him and Xabi, except for the four weeks in summer. Little Ane was born. They even won though world cup together. It seemed like finally everything has fallen into place and their future was promising. Even Puyol and Xavi were surprised by the turn of events. Only Raul remained skeptical. Both Sergio and Alvaro were in total support for them. Claiming when he and Xabi gets married they will be our bestmen. It was a beautiful dream. But unfortunately it stayed only as a dream.
It was in 2010 that Jose Mourinho came to real Madrid. The special one. The special one he will never forget. The special one that ruined everything for him. At first it was great. Mourinho was a great coach and they had fun working together. Xabi easily become Mourinho's favourite. Then 2012 came they won the euro's again. Sometimes after that everything went to downhill. Their future, their plans, dreams and their love for each other. What started as a disagreement between him and Mourinho suddenly escalated. And Alvaro chose the side of the coach. And to his disappointment Xabi also chose Mou's side. Sergio tried to smooth things out with them but it didn't worked. Soon him and Xabi stopped talking only communicating when it was necessary for the game. Also he decided to start a family with Sara. Mourinho left Madrid in 2013 but the division he created never left.
He and Sara welcomed martin into the world in 2014 the year Emma was also born. When Ancelotti become the manager he easily picked on the tension between their former clique and asked us to figure things out between ourselves. We tried and failed. Yet we tried. Then came the world cup failure. Oh how it hurts. The only good thing that came out of it was him and Xabi finding comfort in each others body. It was the last time he ever held Xabi in his arms, felt those strong hands wrapped around him, felt those lips on his, and listened to those heartbeats when he fell asleep. After that he felt that maybe they can sort out their differences. Still have that future they once dreamed about. But then suddenly one day he was informed that Xabi is leaving for Bayern. He remembers feeling numb, empty crying his heart out on Sergio's shoulder. Xabi has betrayed him again. Then Xabi left without even saying a goodbye.
Then Xabi made some comments about how his new goalkeeper was the best he has ever played with and Iker refused to let it affect him. He also left Madrid the following year. It didn't felt the same after Xabi left. Then Xabi said to some press how he was legend or something. It did make him feel good. But didn't change anything. Whatever they had was already destroyed. He married Sara and they become parents again with the birth of Lucas. His wife and their babies made him happy. When the news of Xabi's retirement came he felt a little throb in place of what used to be gut wrenching pain. His retirement was supposed to be the start of something. Then Iker retired. The day he made that decision he felt so hollow inside. Years went by and his marriage fell apart but Xabi's only become stronger. They had occasionally crossed each others path but never made any efforts to talk or become friends. Raul was right all along. But the funny thing is that him and Xabi never officially broke up.
So still sometimes he couldn't help but wonder about what could have been. As years went by now he can't even recreate Xabi's face from his memories. The man he fell in love with was a youth with twinkling eyes and sun kissed skin. And he no longer exist. Buried in the past where they lost their love. Buried along with a smooth faced boy brimming with innocence and hope who loved him.
Now he longs for that November. To look at that smirking face and blush again. To kiss under the night sky. To believe their love is enough. To be twenty one again.
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